Metamorphosis...

I'm happy to report that the medication for my headache is working well and that as long as I take it on time, I am pain free. It is really an anti-inflammatory medicine and I take one pill every eight hours and that is just good enough. I can't tell you what a relief it is not to be in pain anymore and to be able to move around normally. It's just plain wonderful. 

I'm so glad I went to the doctor and that he figured out so quickly what the problem was. I think he deserves a medal for that. That's how grateful I am. I could still be walking around in pain and I shudder at the thought. 

In the meantime, I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee having just woken up from a sound sleep in my new bedroom. The dog howled once and that was enough to immediately awaken me.I was a little confused about my whereabouts but soon figured it out. I was not in Kansas anymore but in the bedroom that had until just the day before been the junk room. 

The domestic help had cleaned it and you could literally eat off the floor. It was all the more obvious that the room needed painting, but now I know that the whole apartment does and it's going to be a big job that I'm not ready to tackle yet. I don't know when I will be able to and I think It;s going to take a small army to do the job. Either that, or a professional painter. I'll have to see how expensive that is. 

The domestic help is a peach. She didn't bat an eye when I asked her if she could clean the bedroom but was enthusiastic right away. She did a great job and when I asked her to help me move the furniture, she was more than eager to help and we worked as a great team together. She doesn't have to do that kind of work at all, but she likes to do me favors. We get along well.

After she left, I added some decorative touches to the room. I have a vase with lighted branches on a high plant stand and I strung up some fairy lights on the shelf system in the corner by the window to make it look cozy and festive. I added items to the bookcase along one wall and hung up a painting above it. I've got the dog's cushion beside my bed and the dog and the cat on my bed where they think they rightfully belong. 

The Exfactor came later in the afternoon but he didn't put the furniture together for the guest room. He had gone to work at seven o'clock in the morning and didn't have the energy left to do it. I could excuse him for that. He's going to do it on Monday or Tuesday and I will wait patiently. I have no other choice to tell you the truth. My sister can't help because she'll be in Italy. I may try to do it by myself, I'll see. It may be a two person job but I may be able to do it on my own. 

I'm having hot flashes as I sit here and I do think I'm too old for those. My fingers are swollen up too. My hormones must be off balance. I've got to blame it on something. 

I hope you're all havng a good night.

Ciao,

Irene

A pain in the neck...

I've got a very cramped up muscle in my neck. The doctor says that it is what's causing my headche. He says it is as tight as a drum and as hard as a rock. He was testing my neck to see what hurt the most and believe me, I found out. It was very painful. 

He wanted to send me to physical therapy but that's no longer covered by my health insurance, so he gave me exercises to do instead. I've also gotten a pain killer that should work well and I have to stay very warm and keep my neck protected from any cold drafts. 

Since the weather had gotten worse, the first thing I did when I got home was close all the windows and turn the heater on. Then I got a scarf off the coat rack and wrapped it around my neck and I haven't taken it off yet. It's actually kind of fortunate that the weather turned bad because now I have an excuse to wear warmer clothes and have the heater turned on. 

It's good to know what's wrong because in my effort to protect myself from the pain from the headache, I was making all the wrong moves. This was actually making the situation worse, I realize now. Now that I know what's wrong, I can take the fact that it's a problem in my neck into account and move differently. The pain killer also helps and makes it easier to move my head and neck around.

I should be doing much better soon and I will not be doing anything that will put my neck in danger such as move heavy furniture around which I was planning on doing.

The Exfactor and a friend of his moved all the junk out of the spare bedroom yesterday. It is an amazing thing to see the room empty except for  a few pieces of furniture. I thought it would never happen. The room does need a good cleaning but luckily my domestic help is going to be here in the morning. If she does nothing else but clean that room, I will be more than happy. 

It's actually going to be my room because the door to the patio is there and I will have to be able to let the dog out during the night. My closet is already there and it will be easy to move my bed there and the few other pieces of furniture that I'll need. I've already filled one shelf system with stuff that is purely mine and it is in place.

The Exfacor will help me with putting the guest room furniture together. He's coming back in the afternoon to do the groceries and may be able to do it then. He's bringing his electric screwdriver. Hopefully the room will be clean by then.. 

I'm constantly catching myself in pain and immediately figuring out what I'm doing wrong. I find that by changing the way I hold my head and neck and shoulders I can relieve the pain. Isn't that good to know? 

I still haven't figured out why drinking ice cold milk helps so much. I always feel better when I do and I drink many glasses of it. I thought it numbed the pain but the doctor said that heat is actually good for it. So that is a bit of a mystery. Whoever knows the answer is free to reveal it.

That's all I have to report for now. I hope you're all having a good night. May it be as pleasant as mine is. 

Ciao,

Irene

On food and decorating...

That's one thing I've noticed since I stopped smoking. I'm instantly awake when I get up out of bed. I don't have to gather myself together much. I still need about half a cup of coffee to cheer me up a bit, but I'm generally in good shape right away. At least I'm not sitting here dragging nicoltine and other poisons out of cigarettes and doing my head in. That was a very convoluted way to try and feel good. Thank goodness that's behind me. 

I can already smell better now and the coffee when it's just made smells very burnt. I guess I'm smelling the fact that the beans have been roasted. It smells less pleasant than I had anticipated, but maybe I don't have such a very good brand of coffee. It's the first thing you smell when you walk into the apartment, besides the smell of the deodorant coming from the bathroom. 

I suppose my sense of smell will get better over time and I think this is a nice development because a lot of memories are associated with my sense of smell. An odor can instantly take me back to a moment in my past. It's usually something pleasant that I think back on so it's no problem. I look forward to it. 

I had a bit of a slow day today. I had to try and find ways to amuse myself and it wasn't easy. I already walked the dog three times and took a nap twice. I guess all I can say is, thank goodness for the Internet. It does keep me occupied at the most boring moments. It and watching the news are good diversions when I need to fill my time.

I have to admit that I'm hungrier now that I've stopped smoking. My stomach growls regularly and naturally I feed it. At least, for as far as that is possible with my gastric band. There is a limit to how much food I can put into it. I do feel like eating hearty foods like fried eggs and salty crackers. I really feel like eating Chinese food and have a huge hunkering for it. It's too bad that I can't eat those portions, they are too big. 

On another subject, the living room has got all its final touches and, except for painting it, there's not much left that I can do to it. I will always be on the look out for interesting and colorful items to add to the decor. That will be like a new hobby for me. I will also always look for interesting art, although I really think I like the artist that I have the watercolors of now. But you never know what I will run into. I will not exclude anybody else. 

I think the living room and the bedroom will really be ongoing projects and that I will collect things for them and keep decorating them as the mood strikes me. It will be a little bit as if they are showrooms. That will keep me motivated to have them always in good shape and to spend time on making them look as comfortable to be in as possible. 

That's all I have to say and that's more than enough. I do carry on. I've forgotten to watch the 6 o'clock news even. I've got to fry some eggs. I'll pretend there's fried rice to go with them. 

Ciao,

Nora

The year of the dragon...

I'm very happily sat here with my second cup of coffee and it's still a decent time of the night. It's not even midnight yet and that's also surprisng to me. For a change I'm up at a more normal time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I may even turn into a quite ordinary person and start keeping quite ordinary hours. Miracles never cease. 

I've had an enervating day. I spent some time redecorating the living room because I was not finished with it and I had to add some of the almost final touches. The real final touches I will add on Wednesday when I have been to Ikea and have picked up the things I want to get there. Then the metamorphosis will be complete. 

I also got ambitious and cleaned up my bedroom which had become a catch all for everything that I had no space for in the living room. I got a big trash bag and started tossing things out and reorganizing. I rearranged the whole bookcase and emptied out drawers of obsolete items. Such a mess I had. I purged the whole room and did a bit of decorating there too. 

Luckily, the domestic help was here also, so she could clean as I purged and between the two of us, we got the place looking spiffy. We were both very pleased with ourselves. And just think, I got all of that done just because of two new paintings. They were my inspiration. 

I quit smoking this morning. I'm hesitant to say this in case I don't make it and start up again, but I have the best of intentions. I was thinking about what I could do with all the money that I spend on tobacco every month and suddenly was disgusted with the whole thing. In a flash I knew I would stop the foolishness. I said a prayer, put on a nicotine patch and quit. 

Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with the counselor at the doctor's office who helps you stay quit. I don't know yet how she does that, but I'm going to get her help as much as I can. Whatever it takes, I will do. I can't tell you that it's not frustrating at times, but I'm surviving. I have rubber bands around my wrist that I fiddle with when the urge to smoke becomes too bad. It does pass after a while.The urge to smoke comes in waves. It's not a constant pressure. 

I must go back to bed. The urge to smoke is less when I'm lying down and the time passes more quickly when you're asleep. Also when you are keeping yourself busy. That is why I am getting so much done. I have to paint the living room and the hallway next. Yippee! 

Ciao,

Nora

A load off my mind...

I'm sitting here drinking coffee after I woke up from a nap in the dark and cool bedroom. It was most pleasant and I had an interesting dream in which I remembered the name of a medication that I want to ask my GP about. I just googled it and it exists here. I haven't used it in 18 years, but it's a most helpful one for a woman in her middle aged years. I can't wait to get it now. It's Metamucil, orange flavored. If it hadn't been for that dream, I wouldn't have remembered the name. 

The cat got a new flavor cat food. I was afraid that she wasn't going to like it as I tossed out what was left over of her old one and poured the new one into her bowl. However, she went for it immediately and has been chowing down on it ever since. She apparently does not have very discriminate tastes. I'm hoping that she'll continue to like this new one because it comes in a much larger, more economical bag that closes airtight.

The dog acts like he is jealous of her new food while I know in my heart that he has no interest in it whatsoever. It's just the newness of it that appeals to him. Besides, he always thinks that he has to be in on everything thats new and available. Luckily, the cat eats her food on the kitchen counter, well away from the dog, so she is safe. She does always leave behind many footprints that I constantly have to wipe away, especially when it is rainy and they are muddy.

We are expecting a shower tomorrow afternoon, but I won't hold my breath for it. Such things have been predicted in the past without actually coming about. We're having a bit of a heatwave right now, though the temperatures are still bearable. It's 81F right now, which is warm for the time of year. It's only May, after all.  Oh, and I saw my first red poppies growing. What a sight. 

Today was a nice enough day. Nothing spectacular happened. It was just a plain ordinary day that went by quickly. I did laundry and an extra load to get an opportunity to wash my bathrobe which was due for it. It was full of stains and very grubby. I would have been embarrassed to be seen in it. Luckily, I very seldom am. I don't get caught off guard that often. 

I wore my Capri leggings and a cotton tank top and my sandals. It was as summery as I could get. That's the least amount of clothes I'll wear in public. It is funny to go out so skimpily dressed. You feel like you've not got enough clothes on. Fortunately, you notice that everyone else is similarly dressed.

Well, I've got to take the dog for a walk. It is that time of day again. I've also got to take my medicines. If I want to stay sound of mind, I better not forget that. I hope you're all having a good day and that the weather is treating you well. 

Ciao,

Nora

Working the odds...

I'm drinking coffee to increase the chances that my mood will improve, because coffee generally seems to have a positive influence on how I feel mentally. I'm telling myself that after this second cup, I already feel better but, of course, it could all be a question of mind over matter and a huge illusion. On the other hand, maybe caffeine really does do something for me and it is beneficial to my state of mind. 

At any rate, I feel somewhat capable of writing a post, although I have no idea where it's going yet. I'm in a rambling sort of mood and I don't have a specific subject that I want to discuss, except that I want to say that feeling depressed is not my idea of spending quality time with myself. I have been in much better moods and have enjoyed my own company more. I think you bother yourself the most when you're not doing well emotionally. 

But anyway, like I said, the coffee seems to have put me in a better mood and I think I can handle putting my thoughts down on paper (ha, there's that Freudian slip again).

We're having summer weather in April and lots of pollen is blowing through the sunny sky. I don't seem to be in the least bothered by it, so apparently nothing is blooming that I'm allergic too or I'm not allergic at all. I'll just assume that I'm not. It will simplify my life tremendously if I'm not and I would probably have eczema anyway. All those allergy tests I had in the States may have been false positive. I'm also supposed to be allergic to dogs and cats.

The temperatures have been very pleasant and warm and I now have all the windows open on a crack. That means the apartment can air out properly and that some of the warmer air gets inside too, slowly but surely. It is still cooler inside than it is outside. I'd rather keep it that way, but I know that by this summer it won't be. I'll have to try and keep the sun from shining through the living room windows as much as possible. That means keeping the shades drawn for the most part.

It was almost too warm to walk the dog at noon, especially when we were between buildings and out of the breeze. You can tell that I'm not used to this kind of warm weather anymore, nor is the dog. He will have to be trimmed soon because now his fur is too thick and hot. We both laid down in the cool bedroom when we came back and took a nap. It was very pleasant. I'm lucky that the sun only shines on the back of the apartment very briefly in the morning. 

Oh, I see that it's almost time to watch the 6 o'clock news. I will keep this short. I do want to know what has happened in the country and the world. 

I hope you all had a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

In the niddle of it...

I'm in the middle of doing chores and really don't have the time to sit down and write a post, but while the washing machine is churning away, I figured I could ignore the dishes and sit here for a bit. I can see the dishes from where I'm sitting behind the computer and I'm glancing at them as I write. I will not be intimidated by them. There are not that many of them and I'll have them done in no time. I'm saying this with all the courage I have in me at the moment and that is more than I had earlier in the day when I was more cowardly. 

I've done some chores already and did them more speedily than I had anticipated. I'm more efficient than I thought I was. Apparently I had put enough thought into it ahead of time that I went to work in an organized fashion and got them done in the shortest amount of time. Either that or I had them blown up in my mind to a size that was completely out of proportion to their actual size. I think the latter must have been the most true. I do worry about things ahead of time too much. 

I had one single sock in the dry laundry, but I know where the other one is. Tyke had stolen it and used it as a security blanket. It had floated around the living room for a few days. He had not chewed any holes in it and I finally took it away from him and put it in the next load of laundry. I'll have to give him an old sock that smells like me. I don't really know if I have one. He'll have to wait until I truly have an old sock. Maybe the next time I have a hole in the toe of one, but my socks seem so sturdy. They are industrial strength socks. 

I'm slowly reorganizing the bookcase in the bedroom and finding new places for all the things that Tyke shows the least bit of interest in. It means getting rid of things too. A lot of it is paperwork that needs to be better organized and it's a good reason to do that. I need to make a box with vital documents and have those safe in a cabinet where they are also handy. I used to have them in a file system, but it has fallen apart due to old age. You always have to decide what to keep for posterity and what can just go. It's also important to stay in the here and now. 

Tyke purposely rolls his tennis ball under the sofa and then stands beside it and barks so that I have to get the African walking stick and get the ball out from underneath. He's a little stinker. I saw him do the same thing with the ball and the CD rack. He'd get it stuck underneath there and couldn't get it out without my help, but he pushed it underneath there himself on purpose. He really made the effort to. That dog is much smarter than I give him credit for. 

Every time I think the washing machine is done, it goes and does something else. European washing machine sure take their time to run through all the cycles and I put it on a short program too. I want to dry the laundry tonight so that I can change my bed again soon. I have a shortage of pillow cases, because I use four at the time and I can't find the right size unless I go to Ikea. I haven't been there in a long time and I should talk my sister into going. 

I discovered the window in the spare bedroom was open and had been open for god knows how long. It does explain why it was getting so cold in here so quickly. One of the domestic helps must have opened it and I have a suspicion which one it was. I kept feeling a draft by my legs when I sat behind the computer, but I thought it was because of the cat flap. Since I closed it, it is a lot warmer in here and the heater hasn't gone on all day. It goes to show you how much energy I could have saved. I'm glad I discovered it before it got really cold again tonight. I would have turned up the heater with it open and have been none the wiser.

I think the washing machine is done and I will go hang up the laundry. It's dark outside and time to turn on the lights. It's time to be cozy and cuddle the animals. 

Have a good evening!

Ciao,

Nora

The sound of snow...

It rained during the night and in the morning, turning all the snow and ice into slush and puddles. Then it snowed for a couple of hours this afternoon, but it just added to the mess on the ground and turned it into more slush. There isn't a soul outside and I don't think anyone in their right mind would go out there, because it's miserable. It's just started snowing again and it doesn't look very appealing. The weather forecast changes all the time. I don't think anyone knows what the weather will bring.

I was up early this morning and had my coffee and cigarettes and wrote a post for one of my other blogs, but when I was done with that, I went back to bed and slept until past noontime. That's what I really needed. It was very pleasant and when I woke up I felt like I was really done sleeping. Sometimes I'm too optimistic when I get up early in the morning and I should really stay in bed and sleep some more. Especially on a day like today. 

Tyke got into the old books that were on the bookcase in my bedroom and tore them apart. There is a total mess in my bedroom and I haven't had the courage to clean it up yet. I'll have to get a trash bag and throw everything away. I didn't notice a thing while I was asleep. It looks like he had a frenzy. Imagine me not waking up from that. 

He didn't look the least bit guilty when I got up. He was wagging his tail. I just moaned and wondered when he was going to outgrow this behavior. He had several of his toys to play with in the bedroom, so I thought he wouldn't be bored, but I was wrong. He does get his revenge on me when I sleep. At least he doesn't get into any good stuff in the rest of the apartment. Knock on wood.

The snow is starting to stay on the ground, so that means it's cold enough. I do feel it cooling off in here. The heater should start up any moment now.

Well, I'm off to clean up the mess and to put the trash out. A most frustrating job. 

Ciao,

Nora

Blog hopping...

I've been up for quite a while and have been doing what comes natural and that has been blogging over at Wordpress,. I started another blog there and I'm not going to give you the link to it but leave it completely up to chance for you to discover me there and maybe one day you will. I don't know how hard that is. I just thought I would fall back into anonymity. 

I don't know what I'm doing with all these blogs, but it seems like a good idea to have all of them to keep me writing and to keep me out of trouble, because that's what I seem to have been getting into lately. Maybe I am mad and don't know it and nobody has told me that I am and I'm living under the delusion that I'm quite sane and normal. Anything is possible. 

It's early in the morning now and I'm drinking coffee and having my cigarettes. I feel quite cozy here and am very much at peace with the world and my surroundings. I have not one bit of sleep in my body and I'm looking forward to taking a shower later and washing my hair which badly needs it. I will use my lightener shampoo and have perfectly blond hair. 

I've got my clothes picked out, in sofar that I've got it down to 2 outfits and I have to make a final instinctual decision when I look at them this morning, but I think I already know which way I'm leaning. I feel cheerful and that calls for red and a minidress. It's not going to be so awfully cold today, so I don't have to dress extra warm.

Rainclouds have moved in and are trapping what little warmer air there is and are keeping frost from developing. It's now 43F and much warmer than it was yesterday morning and it's going to be 54F today, which is much better. I won't be freezing my buns off when I go to see my psychiatrist on my bike this morning. That is, if it's not raining, otherwise I will have to walk under the umbrella. I don't mind either way. I prefer not to get wet, though. 

I had every intention to have a good long sleep last night, but it didn't happen. I laid in bed being bored and waiting for it to be time to get up until I couldn't stand it anymore. Sometimes I think that sleeping is such a waste of time, until I get a shortage of it and need to be be put under and rest for 12 hours straight. Other than that, I think it is highly overrated and I don't see why I have to get all of it at night when I feel so good and there are such interesting things to do. The nighttime is infinitely better to be awake in than the daytime. I haven't figured out yet why that is, I only have hypotheses. 

I've still got the heater on against the cold and in spite of it I feel the draft from the cat flap, even though all the windows are closed. It is actually very well sealed, but somehow it still lets in the cold air. The bedrooms are colder anyway because they are always in the shade and they have single glass windows, which I think is a crime. I do wish they would replace those. There's always a lot of condensation on them that you get rid of by having the radiators on. Those rooms are wet and cold and need to be wallpapered and painted. I'm ignoring that as much as possible. It's too big a job for me. 

Tyke's been surprisingly well behaved all night, which goes to show you that he's only bad when I'm asleep. I think he resents me being asleep as he gets bored or something. He doesn't do anything destructive when I'm gone from home. He's only mischievous when I'm asleep. 

The problem is, that when I'm asleep, I'm sound asleep and nothing wakes me up. I don't hear any noises of him ripping things apart. He could tear the whole bedroom apart and I wouldn't notice it. It's only when I have to go to the toilet that I find out what he's been doing and by that time it's too late. The damage has been done and he always thinks of something to get into that I've not thought of. The most unusual things aren't safe. He never ceases to surprise me. Well, of course he couldn't get away with anything during this night because I was awake. He does know when he's being bad. He's not a dumb dog.

I think I will take my medicines now and take my shower. I'm ready for squeaky clean hair and a good outfit. It will be a pleasure to put on something different and cheerful. Something to match my mood and my rosy cheeks. I will see if the laundry is dry and get ready to put another load in the machine, There's nothing so nice as clean clothes. You can't beat those. 

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

Is that lucky or what?

I did go back to sleep in the middle of the night when I told you that I was maybe going to do all sorts of jobs and I thought was too wide awake to go back to bed. I slept until 7 o'clock and got dressed immediately. I was a little dopey, but a cup of coffee helped me get over that. Coffee always works and always gets my mind up to the proper speed. What would I do without it?

Promptly, at 8 o'clock, a big truck pulled up outside and I locked Tyke in the spare bedroom and went to open up the front door and the outside door. The first thing that was carried in was the new coffee table, which came in a flat pack and which I would have to assemble myself. Then the delivery men started to carry in the sofa, but soon ran into trouble, because the space by the front door in the hallway turned out to be to narrow to let the long sofa in. I had not realized when I ordered it that it was over sized. Those guys tried every trick, but they could not get it inside, so they had to take it back and told me that I would have to order a shorter sofa.

I did that and it turns out that the sofa I ordered now is nicer than the sofa I ordered first. I think this one escaped my attention, because I was not looking for size, but for a three seater. This time I looked for size and got different choices. It will be here next Wednesday and until that time I will have to do without a sofa, but that is really no problem. There are worse things in life.

Then I opened the flat pack and saw what I had to deal with and the fact that there were about 100 screws that needed to be screwed in and I decided that it was not a job for me. I don't have an electric screwdriver. I called the Exfactor and he will be over tomorrow with his and put the coffee table together. I'm ever so grateful and until that time, the flat pack has been closed up again. Tyke lies on top of it with his ball and thinks he's the king of the living room.

I took a break and thought about things and then switched the armchairs around so that the barrel chair, which has comfortable armrests, is by the reading light and I can sit in it when I read my book. That way I don't have to lug a pillow around every time I sit down to read. I've put the extra pillows on my bed with pillow cases on them and they will come in handy when I want to lie down on the sofa, which has low armrests. They should be very good to sleep on.

Then I cleaned up and rearranged the bookcase and made space for more books by getting rid of obsolete things and moving reference books to the bedroom. That went a lot easier and faster than I had anticipated. I still have to move two boxes that are sitting on top of it. I had quite forgotten about them and am running out of space to put things. There's only so much room in the apartment. The bookcase looks much better now and that shows you what a short amount of hard work can do for you. I wasn't even out of breath.

I'm still going to do a load of laundry next and change my bed, so going to sleep tonight will be fun, although it really is every night, but I will wear clean pajamas too. That's something to look forward to. I think you must have these little points of light to aim for in your day every day. The smallest things count. Like having a glass of cold milk and a peanut butter sandwich or getting your mail out of the mailbox and finding a package there that you were expecting. It's all about anticipation and enjoyment.

I'm now going off to enjoy my chores. Have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora

Wasting time...

The greatest danger of a lazy afternoon behind the computer is that you will end up spending money and I just did. I ordered a pair of boots. I can't get the picture of them, although I tried because I wanted to share them with you. For some reason that didn't work out. They are from Esprit and I got them on sale and saved 50 euros on them. I thought that was pretty darn good and didn't want to waste the opportunity. They were calling my name and they were my size. I'm congratulating myself with my good fortune.

The coffeemaker has been delivered, but I haven't unpacked it yet because I first want to use up my Senseo coffee pads or as long as the Senseo machine allows me to do it. On Monday the Exfactor is going to be here and I will ask him to get the best ground coffee and the unbleached filters when he goes to the supermarket. I would like to get the same brand as the coffee pads I use now, but I don't know if they have that in regular ground coffee. It tastes good and is relatively inexpensive so it would be great if they did.

I'm going to change my bed in a little bit and do a load of laundry. I have some clothes I have to wash and they will go in with the sheets and pillow cases. I will look forward to a clean bed tonight. I always want to make sure that I have something good to look forward to, no matter how small the event is. Yesterday it was a chocolate bar that I had saved from my trip to the tobacco shop. It was a real treat. I do like chocolate so very much and allow myself to have some about once a month or so. I think having it more often would be dangerous.

I haven't been on the bathroom scale for a while, but I rely on the way my clothes fit me to know if I'm gaining or losing weight. I seem to be okay and I don't want to neurotically step on the scale all the time, although there were periods when I did that. I've broken myself of that habit. I don't worry about how much I weigh. I worry more about how my clothes fit me and about how I look. If I feel good about myself, I don't worry about anything at all.

It's been a warm day. Outside it is 27C and inside it is 25C. I have the back door open and I just opened the kitchen window to get a draft in here. It is very pleasant because I'm sitting right in it. There are some clouds blocking the sun every once in a while and tomorrow we are supposed to have thunder storms. On Monday it's going to be cooler and it's going to rain again.

Tyke is lying by my feet and is sound asleep. We've both had kind of a lazy day, caused by the warmth, no doubt. It isn't so hot that it is unpleasant, but it is humid so you don't want to do too much. Besides, it's weekend and we're not supposed to exert ourselves. Tyke has the right idea when he lies down on the cool linoleum.

I fell asleep on the sofa at noon, quite unexpectedly because it was not in the planning. I was confused when I woke up and tried to figure out what time of the day it was. I was discombobulated. I only slept for about an hour, but it was enough to make me think it was evening and that I should get ready to go to bed. I wouldn't have wanted to without the clean sheets. I was surprised when I saw what time it was and had to have a cup of coffee to clear my head. Then my sister called and I could hardly have a conversation, that's how muddled I was. Not how I am when I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm ready to tackle anything at all.

The good summer smells are coming in with the breeze through the open window. If you could bottle that smell and spray it in your living room in the wintertime, you would be a happy person. It smells like clean laundry. Very fresh and invigorating. It makes you want to be outdoors with a picnic and a bottle of wine in a meadow by a creek. There would have to be trees, of course, for the shade. And a tall, handsome stranger. Hey, I'm single. I can wish for tall, handsome strangers.

Okay, I'm going to change my bed and do a load of laundry. As if I have to stand there and churn the washing machine.

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

One more for the road.

I've just written a post, but I thought I would start writing another one and see where it would take me. In reality I'm just a bit bored and don't want to do any of the things that I could be doing, like the ironing. Besides, who wants to do the ironing with a sore thumb? I really could if I had to, but I don't know if I'm quite in the mood for it this time of the day. The afternoon is just about over and the news will be on in an hour. Of course, that's a perfect time to do the ironing, so I'm just making excuses. I'll tell you what. I'll do the ironing tomorrow when I don't have anything better to do. When I've run out of excuses.

With Tyke's help I managed to eat a small apple. Tyke had three bites and I had the rest, not counting the fact that I left a large core that I could have cut down some more. I didn't know dogs liked apples. I've never seen a dog eat one. Tyke looked for more when I had thrown the core in the trash. He looked mighty disappointed when he saw it was all gone. He does try to drink my coffee and my lemonade, so maybe he has strange tastes for a dog. The apple tasted good and my little stomach could just handle it. One bite more would have been too much, so it's a good thing that Tyke liked it too. I'm going to be living on apples for a while now.

I took Tyke for another walk, because he was begging for it. He was sitting in the arm chair and breathing down my neck again. I guess he's figured out that it's the best way to get my attention. He grumbles in my ear very gently and won't stop. That's his way of telling me that we really need to go now and that I need to get up off that chair. It's funny how he figures these things out on his own and the fact that he needs to "talk" to me to get me going. He's a pretty smart dog. On our walk we saw other dogs, but none of them came close enough for a proper greeting, so Tyke was very disappointed and sat on his rear end watching them disappear down the street. I always feel sorry for him when that happens. I want to call those dogs back to us and have them at least greet Tyke. Just to make him a little happy. I know, I'm an overprotective "mom."

I wear my sunglasses when I go outside and it's a bright day. I do it so I won't squint and get wrinkles by my eyes. So far I hardly have any and I want to keep it that way. I forget I have them on when I go back inside and wonder why I can't see a thing when I try to open my front door in the stairwell entry with my key. It slowly dawns on me that I'm wearing my sunglasses and that's why. I want to buy myself a really good pair, but I need to find a lost wallet with a lot of money in it first and borrow some. If there's no identification in it, I'm keeping it. I figure that's drugs money. Anyway, then I can get a decent pair of sunglasses instead of this pair from the lost and found at the film house. I want to look like a movie star too.

I'm a bit sleepy. Last night I went to bed at 8 pm and I woke up at nearly 4 am. I decided I wasn't quite awake enough yet and went back to bed at 6:30 am and slept until 8 am when the alarm clock awakened me. I'll go to bed early tonight too. It's so wonderful to sleep, especially now that I'm wearing some really comfortable pajamas and I like my present duvet cover. Tyke likes it too, because he sleeps on the bed with me every night. There's just enough room for the both of us. Tyke rolls himself into a ball and lies by my feet. It's a good way to wake up in the morning, to have your trusty four footer lying there.

When I don't feel well, I take naps during the day, but when my mood is good, I don't. I do get tired, though, and as soon as it starts to be evening, I look forward to going to bed. I think it also helps that I like my bedroom, although it needs work done on it. It needs new wallpaper and new curtains. Staying up all day and just participating in life, though, does tire me and I wonder how I would do with a busier schedule. I'm not afraid of one and would gladly participate in it if I knew I could handle it.

There seems to be a threshold that I can't cross right now, so I have to increase my activities within the possibilities that I have. Make longer walks with Tyke, do more with my personal helper, go out more on my own on small errands. These are conscious choices that I have to make and I really need to stop and think about them and put them into action. They're not huge changes, but big enough to shake me out of my complacency and make me more involved in life. I will check my bank account balance once again and tomorrow I will go buy a new bathroom scale. That will take me to a different shopping center where I haven't been in a long time. It will be good for me. It's a little thing, but it's a big deal for me.

I'm going to put on my pajamas and hang out in my bathrobe for a while. There's nothing but football or football related programs on my favorite channel. It does get tiresome after a while. As if there's no life besides football. Pretty soon the Tour de France starts. That's more interesting to me, because I like the scenery and the commentary. The scenery especially and I imagine being there. I've been in France, so some parts of it look familiar. I'd love to go back to Paris, but in September when there are less tourists there and go to all the museums and visit them properly. One day for each museum and then lots of strolling and coffees and cafes.

Have a good evening.

Ciao,
Nora

No sleep.

I haven't been to bed yet and it looks like I will not be about to for awhile. I am wide awake and I don't yet have a sleepy bone in my body. This is most unfortunate, because it is well past midnight when all decent folks are supposed to be asleep.

I've watched boring TV. I even watched Studio Football and that is really desperate TV watching when you're a woman, although I am probably going to watch all the games in the World Cup in which the Dutch team plays. Not that I really think we will become world champions, but you can always hope. There is the excitement of the well made goal or the terrible disappointment of a lost game, when everybody will say that we had lousy players nstead of the really good ones we have now. Or it will be blamed on the hamstring injury of Arjan Robben that we lost or the presence or absence of Wim Kuyt. It will be blamed on something or somebody. It will not be because we played a bad game.

There's a gentle breeze moving the blinds in front of the open windows. It is cool and I'm sitting here in my bathrobe. It's actually not that cool in the apartment, it's all in my imagination. I think I am cooled off because of the breeze, therefor I think I need my bathrobe. In reality it is 22.5C in here. That's more than warm enough. As far as I can tell, that's 72.5F. It's balmy. Well, it's not quite like living in the tropics maybe, but close enough. I could imagine that it is a tropical night, I suppose, although it is no summer night in the desert when you can go for a swim.

Tyke is sleeping beside me on the floor. He has decided anyway that it is bedtime. You can't fool a dog. He talks to me now when he needs attention. It's very funny and he reaches out with his right paw, so he is right handed. He has calmed down a lot. It is permanent. He's starting to leave his puppy ways behind him, but he is still lots of fun and full of surprises and he charms old ladies that he meets in the street. I just wish he didn't have to piddle every 20 seconds. It does keep us busy.

Toby is secretly eating Tyke's food. He has been trying to do that all day, but he got caught every time. I guess Tyke's not very hungry today, because he left half of it in his bowl. He is very protective of it, though, and absolutely doesn't want Toby to touch it. He sees Toby as a rival for everything. I'm sure because Toby is a male also. Gandhi is a sweet female, so Tyke tolerates her a lot better and bosses her around. I should almost say, tosses her around, but it's not quite that bad yet. Gandhi does know how to get out of the way on time.

The breeze has stopped blowing and now everything is very quiet. It's in the middle of the night and the town is asleep. At least, the suburbs are. It may be quite different downtown where the cafés are. I'm going downtown on Wednesday to meet my friend Yvonne. That's in the planning anyway, weather permitting. It depends on how serious this threat of rain is. Hopefully it won't be that bad and there will be many dry spells. It also depends on how hard the rain comes down. If it's just a gentle shower, and I'm on my bike, it's not such a bad thing, but if it rains buckets, I won't go out in it. There's nothing worse than sitting somewhere in drenched clothes with ruined hair. Luckily, I don't wear make up anymore or I'd worry about getting raccoon eyes.

I'm all ready for bed, so all I have to do is take off my bathrobe and go lie down in it. It gives me no incentive to actually go and do it. That's another matter altogether. Not even the clean sheets help me go. I'm sitting here very cozily and I'm not about to break the spell. My feet are cool, so that's good. The rest of me is warm. Eventually I'll have to go to bed, simply because there will be nothing else to do. I will go out of boredom.

Imagine me getting bored. There ought not to be such a thing. It is impossible. I can always write a post, after all. It seems I never run out of things to write about. I don't know if they are all fascinating, but to me they are amusing enough to write down and they help the time pass. I could probably sit here all night and do nothing but write posts, one after the other. I don't know if I would do anybody any favors with them, but it would sure keep me out of trouble. That's the main objective, isn't it?

I will be good and end this one now, but there are no guarantees that I will not write another one. It depends on if I'm able to sleep. I don't yet feel it in my bones or anywhere else Maybe I'll play around with the look of my blog. That will keep me busy for a few minutes.

Ciao,
Nora

Encore!

Remember when I said in my very last post that I was going to bed early and that I couldn't wait to get under the duvet with my book? Well, it didn't quite work out like that. I shut off the computer and made myself a bowl of porridge and ate that while I watched a program called "Missing" on the TV. Very quickly after I had eaten, I fell asleep on the sofa and I didn't wake up until just now and now I am wide awake again, albeit somewhat grumpy and disagreeable, but that's why I have the Senseo machine. I'm planning on being agreeable in a short time.

Of course, you don't care if I'm grumpy and disagreeable, but I care. I do get in the way of myself and generally suffer. I turn all my bad moods against myself and give myself a hard time and maybe the occasional innocent bystander too. But I'm the most concerned about myself, because I'm very harsh on myself. I don't tolerate anything that even reeks of negativism and grumpiness is not allowed. It's like sticking needles into your own skin and laughing while your doing it and I'm not talking about the gentle practice of acupuncture. I'm talking about a more torturous sort of thing.

Okay, enough of that. We all know about suffering and bad moods and painful feelings. It's a problem when they strike so often and out of the blue when you least expect them and when you haven't done anything wrong as far as you know. You wonder why you deserve them. It always feels like the wrath of god is upon you. See how I didn't spell that with a capital letter? I didn't want to offend any god in particular.

Anyway, I changed from Internet Explorer to Google Chrome just a few days ago and now suddenly my spell check works again. It seems that all these different browsers have their individual shortcomings, although I must say that I liked Firefox, except for the terrible slowness it created in my computer, so I won't go back to it. I like Google Chrome, but I haven't figured out how the tab sheets work yet. I'm assuming I have a screw loose somewhere, because I can't seem to follow the instructions. One day, when I least expect it, I will solve the problem.

A funny thing is that it gives me the British English spelling, so if you notice a difference in my language, that will be the reason for it. I have changed the setting to American English, but it doesn't care, so when in Rome, do as the Romans do. So I will now write honour and colour and grey. That's how I learned it in the first place. These things always caused me some confusion, so now it's settled.

In the meantime it's getting awfully late and I really ought to think about going to bed, although I'm not sleepy. The only thing that would get me there is my book. I always thought it was cold in my bedroom and today I found out that the window was open at the top. It may have been for a long time and here I've had the heater on. What a terrible faux pas, heating the outside air. It's sad to see that I'm not perfect after all. Ha! Far from it I would say.

I'm planning on sleeping late in the morning, but I hope I stick to that plan and don't get it in my stubborn head to get up early. I know I will regret it. I always need so much sleep to catch up on during the day. It's no wonder when you turn your circadian rhythms upside down.

I know what sort of bed I long for. One with a big, thick, downy mattress that I would sink into and a huge, fluffy duvet and many thick pillows. Sort of like a fairytale bed. A sensuous bed for hiding away in all by myself. Who needs anybody else there, unless it's George Clooney? And if you can't have him, why bother with anyone else?

Right, it's off to bed I go. I may get waylaid before I get there, but I will give it my best shot. If I would just yawn I would have more faith in it. Oh there, I just did it. Just writing about it made it happen.

Have a good morning when you all wake up and a good night when you all go to bed.

Ciao,

Nora

Evaluation.

I think it is important to remember that what happened to me yesterday was due to withdrawal from my medication. I have very drastically gone from 450 mg to 150 mg a day, which is quite a change, and I was bound to run into trouble. It is going to take my body about 2 weeks to get adjusted to the new dose and then I will have to reduce the rest that I'm taking. In the meantime, the new medication needs about 2 weeks to build up into my body properly until it is at a constant level, so you see that these 2 weeks are going to be difficult for me. I didn't know ahead of time how difficult they were going to be, but yesterday afternoon showed me a glimpse of it.

I went through a long crisis and somewhere towards the end it started to dawn on me that I was having withdrawal symptoms. Once I realized that, I started to deal with it differently and not take everything so very personal and serious. I did take the withdrawal process seriously and knew I had to get through it the best way I knew how. I decided to let myself cry as much as I wanted to. So that's what I did and I cried about everything. After that I was so exhausted that I fell asleep on the sofa and slept for a couple of hours.

This morning I feel better. I had a long night's sleep and didn't get up until eleven o'clock. It took me a good hour to come to my senses. It felt like I was awakening from a coma. I drank my coffee on the sofa and cuddled Tyke, who likes it when I sit on the sofa, because it gives him the opportunity to show me all his tricks that he thinks of himself. Like, how to jump from the sofa to the coffee table without knocking over the coffee cup that is standing there. Life is a circus here thanks to Tyke and his ingenuity. We rarely have a dull moment.

Having Tyke sleep in the bedroom with me at night is working out well, because he behaves very well and patiently waits for me to wake up. That's why I get to sleep so late in the morning. There's not a sound out of him all night and when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he follows me in and out of the bedroom with few problems. He does get sidetracked by Gandhi, but that is easily solved by calling him to order.

He also lets me know when he needs to go out back for a piddle. He's figured out how to do that on his own. He puts his front paws on my arm and looks at me very intently. That does not mean, I want a cuddle. It means, I have to go now! How I tell the difference I don't know. I think it's mostly guess work.

I realize that with me being comatose until the late hours of the morning, I can't make any appointments until the afternoon and I can't go shopping with my sister in the morning. I just talked to my sister and told her that we can't go shopping at 8 o'clock in the morning tomorrow, so we have to do it in the afternoon after my domestic help has been here.

It also turns out that my other digital alarm clock is broken, so now I'm without an alarm clock, but I'll tell you honestly that I'd hate to be awakened by an alarm clock in the morning before I'm done sleeping. It would be a disaster to not get the sleep I needed and to have to function on not enough. I think it's better if I just wake up on my own and get started at my own speed and save whatever appointments I have to make for the afternoons. I don't want to upset the precariously balanced apple cart.

I hope the episodes like I had yesterday are few and far between. Right now I feel so good, that I can't imagine having another one, but I know I mustn't tempt fate. Things aren't finely tuned right now and everything is unbalanced. I feel that I walk a tight rope and I could fall off at any moment. So, I must enjoy the times that go well and I do, believe me. Every moment that is pleasant is savoured. Nothing is taken for granted.

I have to get dressed now and take Tyke to go and have coffee with my sister. She is home from a week in Italy, so we have some catching up to do. Besides, she has very good coffee.

I hope you are all having a good day.

Ciao,
Nora.

Anothter bright day.

Last night, after making sure there was nothing in the bedroom that Tyke could demolish, I brought all of his toys in there and brought him in there with me and closed the door, so we could have a good night's sleep. I worked out very well, and I woke up this morning with Tyke in my arms and it was 10 am. I had slept for nearly ten hours. Isn't that just absolutely wonderful?

It is a good thing that I woke up when I did, because very shortly thereafter, the doorbell rang and it was a lady from the foundation that is handling my domestic help and she came by to drop off some paperwork and have a nosy look around, no doubt. Well, she saw how things were and we filled out the paperwork and I did not make any apologies for anything, but I was still half asleep and I don't know what sort of impression I made on her. Never mind, though. It doesn't matter. I'm the woman who needs help. I'm not the queen in her palace.

It took me some time after she left to get my act together. I had to take my medicines, and make sure I took the right ones, and make myself a cup of coffee, and get the mail out of the mailbox, which I had not done in three days, so I thought I had better do that. Then I was too fuzzy headed to read it and left it for later until I was properly awake. I was also very thirsty and drank a tall glass of milk and let Tyke out back where he did his necessary business, because I was in no shape to walk him. It took me an hour to become halfway functional and even then I was rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

I'm not complaining, though. I love how much I sleep. It's a godsend. I get up once during the night to go to the bathroom, but am immediately asleep again and hardly remember going. I do it on automatic pilot. People could be having a party in the living room and I would not know about it.

I'm still yawning now and I wonder if that is an after effect or a sign that I need to sleep more. I'll just consider it an after effect. I may take a nap later this afternoon, but I'm going to stay up now. I'm too glad to be awake and feel the effects of my medication. The calmness of it all. The lack of stress. I hope it stays that way.

It was so funny to wake up with Tyke in my arms. I don't know how he got there, but it was very cozy. He had been there for a long time, I do remember that. That's the benefit of lying in bed, there's more room for the both of us. It is nice to have another warm body beside you, even if it is a dog. It's a living thing and it is lovable, so I am not complaining about that.

The cats had been locked out, but it didn't seem to have bothered them at all, At least they had been freed of the enthusiasm of the dog for a whole night and I'm sure they appreciated that. He does love Gandhi so much and constantly wants to play with her, until she is sick and tired of it and starts to complain. Luckily, she now has the sense to jump on the dining table where he can't get to her, but it sure took her a long time to figure that out. I guess she isn't that bright. Don't get me wrong, she's very sweet and I love her, but she's gullible and she lets Tyke get away with things, but always comes back to hang out with him.

Now I need some fresh air and I'm going to take him for a walk and have the wind blow the cobwebs from my mind. It's overcast and 4C outside. Not too cold, but not exactly balmy either.

Have a good day.

Ciao,
Nora

Naps!

I was feeling a bit down and out this afternoon and that was not at all in my line of expectations, of course. I wanted to consistently feel good now and not have any dips. Luckily, after a while, I realized that what I needed was a nap, so I laid down on the sofa and took one. When I woke up an hour and a half later, I felt better and was awake just in time to take my medicines. I'm still yawning and I still need more sleep, but I'm saving that for tonight when I go to bed. I woke up because I thought there was someone at the door, but I must have imagined it. I thought I heard the buzzer of the outside door, but when I answered the intercom, there was no one there.

Yesterday evening a neighbor came by my door twice insisting that a package for him had been delivered at my apartment yesterday afternooon and I kept saying that it had not been because I had not been home myself. He was highly ticked off and at me too, I think. Somehow I had to magically make a package appear. He's a bit of a strange neighbor anyway, so I don't take it personally. He'll have to call the delivery people and find out what happened to it. He hasn't come back yet. Phew!

I'm having a wonderful glass of cold milk. I can't get enough of it. I had a cup of coffee to wake up with, but I prefer this glass of milk. I would like some short bread cookies to go with it, but alas, I will forego those. When I next go to the store, I'm going to buy myself a pot of Nutella, maybe two, and eat from those with a little teaspoon. Mmm...nutritious! And delicious! I'm looking forward to it very much. I can't eat a lot of it all at once because of my gastric band, so it limits the amount of bad I can do at one sitting. Well, I don't even sit down. I stand up by the kitchen counter and eat it. You take in less calories that way, you know!

It's freezing outside and partly cloudy. I don't want to go outside. I will let Tyke do his business out back. I really don't like the cold, especially not now anymore when it has lasted so long. I think we all need a proper spring day with pleasant temperatures and sunshine.

Oh lord, I'm yawning so very much. I don't want to go to bed yet. It is much too early. I must amuse myself here a little while longer. I have to lock my evil dog into the bedroom with me so he doesn't do any bad things while I sleep. I don't know if he will like that, but that's the way it's going to be. Him and all his toys.

Have a nice evening. I will try come and visit your blogs. If I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

Ciao,
Nora

Almost time to go to bed.

I have little moments that I cave in and I'm so tired that I could fall asleep in my desk chair, but a while later it clears up and I'm fit as a fiddle again. I'm finding it very difficult to walk away from the computer and keep looking for excuses to sit here and play with it a little while longer and there's always something I can do, even if it just means changing the wallpaper on my flat screen and looking to see how much space I have on my hard drive. I've run AdAware and CCleaner and got rid of a bunch of stuff that took up needless space, so that made me feel better. And so I sit here and do all sorts of little things that amount to not very much, but it keeps me happy. Tomorrow I have to be normal again. It's a rule that I have made up. On the weekend I'm allowed to be this obsessed with the computer, but tomorrow I have to be back to normal. And I do need to get a good night's sleep. At least what is a good night's sleep for me and as far as Tyke will allow it with his antics.

I feel like I've been in the Twilight Zone this weekend and unreachable for the world around me, although the world was not aware of that, because nobody reached out and touched me and I did walk the dog when it was time to. The poor animal didn't suffer too much neglect, except that I didn't cuddle him very much, stuck as I was behind the keyboard. I think my obsession is coming to an end now and I hope I don't become obsessed like this with anything else for a while, because I don't think it is healthy, athough many of you have told me that you are the same way when you have a new toy.

All I have left to do is install the programs for my digital camera and the printer and I'll let the Exfactor do that tomorrow. Those will be good jobs for him to do and I can take a step back and relax about it. I will not be so overly involved with my nose on top of things. That's how I imagine it anyway. I'm ready for a more hands off approach. It's really funny how you disappear into a project and lose track of everything around you just about and you don't focus on anything else but that.

It wll be wonderful to go to bed in a little while and try to read my book and hopefully fall asleep quickly and soundly and sleep at least for a couple of hours without interruption. I will take as many of Tyke's toys to the bedroom with me, so he won't be bored in the middle of the night. He does have a way of looking for mischief around 2 o'clock in the morning. If he can keep himself occupied, I will sleep through it. Unless he starts molesting Gandhi.

I think I will have a glass of hot milk. I don't have any honey, but I don't think that's necessarily an ingredient needed to fall asleep with. I would have some Bailey's Irish Cream, but I'm all out of that and I'm not about to go out an buy a bottle of it. I'd rather receive that as a gift on a special occasion and I may have to drop some heavy hints here and there. Isn't there a holiday coming up that would be cause for it? Isn't there a saint named Irene? I'm not a catholic, but I'm willing to ignore such minor details in exchange for a bottle of that good stuff. With my luck, though, I'd become addicted to it and have to go to AlAnon and do a 12 step program.

It would be nice to smoke a joint right now and become totally mellow, because I always sleep so well when I do amd wake up completely refreshed. I don't want you to get the idea that I do that a lot. As a matter of fact, it's been a few years, but sometimes I dream that I do, so I guess I have a hunkering for it. I only need to take a few drags for it to take effect and I feel great. The only problem is that I get the munchies and want to eat anything and everything and that is kind of hard when you have a gastric band. But one of these days I'm going to smoke a joint again in the company of someone I trust and get very relaxed. It's the nicest feeling I know. It's better than getting tipsy. I heartily recommend it. It's too bad the coffee shop two streets over closed. Now I would have to go all the way downtown.

All this talk about alcohol and drugs make me sound like a junkie. And I have my own official drugs that I'm trying to get off of. I'm doing really well on my reduced dose of antipsychotics. I notice no ill effects, unless being obsessed with my computer is an ill effect, but like I said, I think I'm over it by now. I'm actually feeling very calm now and completely back to normal, whatever normal is. I just wish I felt a little bit more sleepy than I do, because I seem to have gotten my second wind. I must not give into that and proceed with my nighttime ritual as if I'm very tired and ready to go to sleep. Once I have my pajamas on and I'm in bed things will change and I will realize how tired I am.

I do have a backache from sitting in this chair behind the computer all day. It's right in the middle of my nack where that weak spot is. Right where my back is crooked. I would like to wear a corset to straighten out my back so it would never hurt again and I would have the correct posture, but I suppose I'm too old for that. I'm beyond repair. It would help, of course, if I paid attention to how I sat in the chair and didn't slump like I've a tendency to do. Perhaps it would help if I put a pillow behind my back to force me to sit straighter. I will try that tomorrow when I won't be sitting here all day. I think it might be interesting to take an X-ray of that spot in my back and see how my discs are lined up there. At least I'm never kealed over to the left anymore. That problem seemed to have resolved itself and I think a lot of that had to do with my emotional state of being.

It seems to be impossible to stop writing. I want to bring this to an end, but am reluctant to and keep thinking of things to write about. I am postponing bedtime because I'm afraid that I will lie awake and will not be able to go to sleep. I'm also undecided if I should sleep in my bed or on the sofa with the TV turned down low, which also seems to work well and keeps Tyke happy. I think I'm not so very fond of sleeping in my bed, for whatever reason. On the sofa it has a less official character and it doesn't seem as if I'm down for the count and have to put in a long night that I can't make come true. I always wake up and am bothered by the claustrophobic feel of my bedroom, even though I sleep with the door open. I would like for the sofa to be a bit more comfortable and I suppose that this will be the criteria for my next one. How comfortable does it sleep? It has to be a wide sofa to lie on comfortably.

When I was a little kid, and I was sick, my mother made a bed for me out of the Morris chair. Of course I was little then and fit on it and it was very cozy and right by the stove to keep me warm. I thought that was the best thing about being sick. The back of the chair folded down completely and I could lie down flat with pillows under my head. She put a sheet over the cushions and a blanket over me and I felt like a princess. I have something like a Morris chair myself now and it is my favorite chair in the apartment. It folds down completely too, though I'm too big to lie down on it. I bought it at Ikea and the minute I saw it I knew I had to have it. Nostalgia.

I'm starting to yawm. That's always a good sign. Pretty soon a certain kind of weariness should fall over me. I think I will go put on my pajamas now and take my medicines. Then I will have my glass of hot milk. There may only be repeats of the news on TV and text television, but that's okay. I don't need anything exciting. I'm curious to see how long I will sleep. I'm hoping for at least 4 hours. That would be nice. Luckily, there's always the computer.

Have a good night, you all.

Ciao,
Nora

Another early morning post.

I woke up to a cracking sound and found out that Tyke was demolishing my plastic cigarette case that I had left lying on the bookcase by my bed. I suppose he got bored during the night and decided to give that a go. When I called him on it, he gave me a very innocent look and wagged his tail, as if to say, "I'm just a cute little puppy." A while later I found him gnawing on a huge bone that I had bought for Jesker one time, but that Jesker had showed no interest in. Tyke thought he'd died and gone to heaven and was afraid I was going to take that away from him too. I have no idea where he found it, but I wish he'd found it before he started on my cigarette case. He is now very sweetly asleep by my feet, worn out from this night's adventures.

I slept in my bed after I safeguarded the bedroom, or so I thought. It was pleasant to sleep in my bed, because there's a little bit more room than there is on the sofa, but I didn't sleep longer there than I do on the sofa. Doubtlessly that was because of Tyke's interruption. I have to buy another one of those really big bones and see if that will keep him happy for the night.

I'm trying to read my book, "The Pilot's Wife." I like it so far, but I manage to fall asleep after reading just 10 pages or so, or when Tyke decides to lie down on top of it for some quality time together. When I slept on the sofa, I didn't read at all, but fell asleep with the TV on. I need to get some of my old routine back now that the Olympics are over and I don't have to watch sport's events at all hours of the night.

I managed to do laundry last night. I had one load of laundry in the machine that I had to hang up and dry and it consisted of tops and sweaters and leggings. I hung up the sweaters to dry on hangers on the shower curtain rail and pulled most of the wrinkles out. Hopefully I don't have to iron them when they are dry. I had a dry load of sheets and towels to fold and one load of laundry to put in the machine and another load to put in today or as soon as there is room on the drying rack. I can't hang any laundry outside, because there's rain and wet snow predicted. That is the problem of trying to get laundry done in the wintertime. It takes forever to get it dry and it slows down the rate at which you can get it done. That's when I really wish for a tumble dryer.

I have a sink full of dishes to do that accumulate while I'm not looking. Suddenly they are there, stacked up on the kitchen counter, and I don't know where they came from. You'd think I'd hardly use a dish, living on my own. There are always many coffee cups and teaspoons and the lack of clean ones makes me realize that I need to do the dishes. I would also very much like a compact dishwasher. Just big enough for a one person household. You see how I need my conveniences. I'm all for making my life as easy as possible, but then I was used to having these things and I feel rather primitive having to do without them. I'll never get used to that. That equally goes for going grocery shopping without the convenience of a car.

I'm sitting here in my big bathrobe and the thermometer was set at 20C, but it's cold in here, so I've just turned it up higher. I don't think I'm supposed to sit here with cold hands and shiver. The radiator next to me is nice and hot now and I can feel the warmth emanating from it. It's very pleasant and like sitting by a hot stove. It does make me wish for a fireplace and a crackling wood fire.

Since today is Saturday, I will take advantage of the "free" day and do odd jobs around the apartment. I will try and not do anything structured and make it look like real work. I will just do whatever pops into my head. Pleasure first, drudgery last. I hope I will be able to go for walks with Tyke in spite of the rain that is predicted. Hopefully they will only be showers and not non-stop drizzle and down pours. It's not going to be very warm and there will be a cold wind blowing from the north east. That's from the cold part of the world, above Russia. It is my most sincere wish that the weather forecasters totally get it wrong today. I will have to wear an extra top under my sweater. At least my footwear will be good.

I will feed Tyke and get dressed and take my medicines and then take Tyke for a walk before the weather turns bad. It is still dry now and there's no wind yet. The world is very silent out there. I don't hear a thing. Silence is a very valuable commodity. I can't get enough of it.

Have a nice day. I hope your weather will be good.

Ciao,
Nora

The third day...

Jesker did two important things today. He walked over to his water bowl and drank a lot of water and he made it outside, with a lot of encouragement from me, and did a piddle. It all seems to wear him out very much, though, and he seems as befuddled as he was before. He spends hours lying in the same spot not moving much and I can hear him breathe across the room.

The cats have been very subdued ever since he's been sick. It is as if they know that something is wrong. I have been pretty subdued myself. I spend many hours napping on the sofa and waking up and checking on Jesker. I did give myself a break and walked to the tobacconist and it was good to be out in the fresh air. I also bought a chocolate bar as a treat to myself. As if I needed that, right? Some calories are deliciously rich and make you feel good.

I was looking at my hair in the mirror today and realized that most of the color has pretty much disappeared out of it. It has been cut several times since I colored it and even with the special shampoo and the conditioner, it didn't keep that brown color that I had completely. I have a box of hair coloring in the bathroom and I have to make a decision if I'm going to color it again. I think I will, because I never did have that problem of my roots showing. I'm just waiting for the right moment to do it. In the meantime, I am using the shampoo and the conditioner to give it that sheen that I want. It's kind of a reddish brown, though to be honest, it's more of a reddish dark blond now. Not a bad color.

We were supposed to get a lot of frost tonight, but luckily it isn't going to happen and we're only going to get rain in the next couple of days, not snow. I'm glad the weather forecasters got it wrong, because if there's one thing I don't want it is snow. I've never felt so claustrophobic as when we had snow and ice.

It's been impossible for me to read during the day. I lay on the sofa and drift off into sleep and have strange dreams. I do read at night before I go to sleep in my bed. Somehow that's easier. I'm looking forward to that already and I can't wait to put my pajamas on.

Jesker doesn't follow me to the bedroom at night. He stays put wherever he is and doesn't have the energy or the awareness to get up. I try not to bother him too much, as I just want him to be comfortable wherever he is and he doesn't like to be picked up. I'm afraid of hurting him. It would be easier if he were a little dog, but he isn't.

I'm calling it a day and going to bed now. Maybe there will be a lot of improvement tomorrow.

Ciao,
Nora