Saturday, April 30, 2011

Holding down the fort...

It's not much trouble holding down the fort if you share it only with a dog and a cat. The cat barfs and you grumble and clean it up with a paper towel. The dog sneaks in a stick and chews it up all over the place and you grumble a lot and get on your hands and knees and clean all that up. But most of the time, it's not that much work. They are fairly civilized as animals go. So, holding down the fort is not too bad a job. 

That's why I could be lazy today and spend a large portion of it on the sofa, some of it asleep. I slept through the first part of the televised celebration of Queen's Day. I woke up because the phone was ringing, but I was too incoherent to answer it. I first had to eat something and have a cup of coffee and I still sat there bleary eyed after that.

Luckily, the whole royal family was at that point traveling on the royal bus from one town to the other, so I could take my time waking up and I was coherent by the time they arrived and were welcomed by the mayor and the crowd dressed in orange. The festivities commenced and once again it was shown how much they are adored by the public and how informal the royal family is. People addressed the queen without the least bit of hesitation and the rest of the royals as if they were favorite family members.

I'm in need of a cup of coffee now and I just started a new pot. It will be done shortly. I was starting to yawn. No doubt that is because I've been so lazy. All I've done is walk the dog twice. I'm in need of caffeine. 

I've got a cup now and very good it tastes too. That should perk me up a bit. I don't know how quickly the caffeine will work, but I'm typing this slowly so it will catch up with me. I do have to think about what I want to write. I can't write about royalty every day, much as I'd like to. It would be such an easy subject. Instead of writing about myself, I could just tell you what the various members of the royal family had been up to.

I've taken my medicines and should think about taking the dog for another walk. He's lying by my feet pretending to sleep, but in the meantime he's alert to my every move. 

The weather has been beautiful today. There was sunshine all day. We really need rain because of the fire danger, but there's none in the forecast. Whoever said this was a rainy country? 

Have a great evening.


Friday, April 29, 2011

The royal wedding...

My domestic help and I watched Kate and William's wedding together. I came home from an aborted attempt to meet my psychiatrist (he had gotten the time wrong and was trying to meet three patients all at once) and was just on time to see William and Harry arrive at Westminster Abbey in full regalia. My domestic help came in just when Kate and William were about to exchange vows. She cleaned the apartment when there were boring parts and we watched all the exciting bits together.

It was a lot of fun and we had a lot of commenting to do. Of course, we compared this royal wedding to our own royal wedding and concluded that the British version was done with much more pomp and circumstance which was better for the overall impression it made. We don't do that well enough. We just don't stage an affair like that well enough, although we do well on the emotional bit of it. We show less stiff upper lip and more touchy feely and tears. We put a bit more emotion into it for the special effects.

We don't have as big a palace or as many guards in uniform or as many nice horse drawn coaches like that beautiful Landau Kate and William rode to Buckingham Palace in for the balcony scene. We do have 'The Golden Coach', but it pales in comparison. It's just a little thing. We just don't have the largess and the volume. We're smaller and more understated in everything. I wish we could do something about that. I want pomp and circumstance too.

I wouldn't have enjoyed it as much if I had watched it on my own. It was definitely better watching it with a like minded woman of roughly my age. We did see eye to eye on most everything, including the fact that we liked the simplicity of the wedding dress and the bouquet. We thought they were very chique, especially in comparison to the richness of William's uniform. Let the man be the peacock, is my thought.

It wasn't my intention to write a whole post about the royal wedding, even though the title implies it. I've had to change the title. I had something else there altogether. Now the deed is done. I'm too lazy to change the post.

Have a good day.


Monday, April 25, 2011

Delaying tactics...

I was already laying in bed when I realized I wasn't really tired and couldn't fall asleep. I was just basically laying there for the coziness and to listen to the radio. I decided those were not good enough reasons to stay in bed and got up again and put my bathrobe on. I will try again later when I'm truly sleepy. When I really, really want to go to bed. 

Now I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, but I'm not going to make the mistake I made last night and drink a pot of it. I will switch to a glass of milk on time so as not to get too wired and cause myself a sleepless night. I learned that lesson the hard way and I don't want a repeat of the day I had today in which I rapid cycled. That was no pleasure. Luckily, I was able to fix that with some extra anti-psychotic medication when I finally thought of it. 

I'm fine now and I'm calm again, although I have to say that everything is precarious and I'm aware of that now and I realize that I mustn't push my luck. I have a tendency to do everything to extremes and I mustn't do that. I will not stay up until the wee hours and do complicated things that require a lot of mental energy and emotional input. The desire is there, but I will have to ignore it and not give into it. I want each night to be an adventure in contrast to my relatively dull days. 

I have to be my own guardian and monitor my own behavior and do the things that are sensible, much as I don't like to do them sometimes. It's so much nicer to give into an impulsive idea and let it happen and not think about the consequences. Today should have been a lesson to me that I should not forget and I can't pretend that it wouldn't happen again the same way. It's no laughing matter when you get suicidal thoughts because you're rapid cycling. 

I have a great desire to keep playing with the design and names of my blogs. I think possibly I'm not satisfied enough with the way things are now. I think they are too tame and ordinary. I'm striving for a form of perfection without knowing if I will achieve it. I can't leave well enough alone. It must represent a basic dissatisfaction I have with my life that I'm projecting onto my blogs. If my blogs are perfect, my life will be too. 

It's a small psychological insight that's not going to help me much. It's not going to get me over my urge and desire. Only some amount of sensibility is and sometimes that is hard to find. When it is nighttime anyway. At night I always have great desires and lots of plans. It's when my head is in the clouds and my feet aren't firmly planted on the ground.

It's not quite bedtime yet. I don't yet feel the urge to go to sleep. I want to prevent myself from waking up in the middle of the night because then I'll really be in trouble. The Exfactor is going to be here in the morning to do the groceries and I have appointments with my psychiatrist and my SPN early in the afternoon, so I have to be in good shape.

I hope you're all having a good evening. 


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Living and breathing...

I just took the dog for a walk in the pleasant evening air. The sun was still shining and there was a bit of a breeze, but it was not cold. The air smelled of blossoming things and there was pollen floating in it. Lots of dandelions have gone to seed and the seed blows around in the wind all over the place like little umbrellas. We have an explosion of dandelions and they are three weeks early due to the good weather. They outnumber the daisies and we have a lot of them.

The dog was his usual stubborn self, refusing to move from some places and running to others and I'm at his whimsy because he is strong. He's a badly brought up dog and I owe it all to myself. I shouldn't make it sound so bad, mostly he moves along at a steady pace, but he does have his peculiarities. He does know how to pass trees and lamp posts at the correct side so the leash doesn't get caught around them. He does have his redeeming qualities. But the truth is that I'm not strict enough with him. 

I took a nap earlier this afternoon, no doubt due to the fact that I had not slept enough during the night. It was a very pleasant and peaceful nap, but I made the mistake of turning on the computer right when I woke up and I think I ought not to have done that. I think it's better to sit in silence for a while with a cup of coffee and come to my senses before I become involved in answering emails and reading and commenting on blogs when I just have woken up. I must remember to honor the peace and quiet of the time after the nap. The space your brain needs to adjust to being awake properly. You stand the chance to write a lot of nonsense when you just wake up. 

Tomorrow is another holiday and I keep forgetting. It will be nice because it will give me a chance to get some chores done. The personal helper and the domestic help won't be here. I won't miss them, I like the day off. Sometimes it's like having so many nosy people around and missing your privacy. 

I hope you're all enjoying your Easter Sunday.


Saturday, April 23, 2011

Taking a break...

I almost always feel stress. I feel stress when I sit in my apartment and I feel stress when I walk the dog. I'm almost constantly a bundle of nerves. At least, I've been especially so lately and now can't remember when I've not been. It seems that I'm always hanging on by the skin of my teeth to some extent, except that now it has taken on extreme forms. 

I didn't want to get out of bed this morning because I didn't want to face the day and I only did so very reluctantly because the dog insisted on it. He had to be let out. I sat in my bathrobe for the longest time drinking coffee with my stomach tied in knots, feeling miserable and trying to figure out how in the world to make it through the day.

When it was noontime, I took my medicines and I also took 20 mg of Temazepam because I didn't know what else to do, but just wanted to be relieved from the enormous pressure that I felt. I had to walk the dog, but kept postponing it until I couldn't any longer. 

Now the Temazepam has started to work and I feel a bit better. As a matter of fact, I wish I would always feel this way. Most of the stress is gone and my stomach is almost not tied in knots anymore. I'm only a little bit neurotic. I think that's what I have: a neurotic personality. I can't explain it any other way. I had a grandmother who was the same way. 

I get very exhausted of being me. I always feel that I have to read an instruction booklet to know what to do with myself but that the booklet has been lost. It's so tiring to deal with these moods and feelings. Sometimes I feel like giving up completely. But then I take a pill like the Temazepam and the pressure is off and I can handle things again for a while. It's so nice to get a bit of relief. 

I curse my genetic make up and wish I had never been born. I don't see any added value to my life here on earth. It serves no purpose whatsoever. I don't see what I add to the common good. I'm basically taking up a tiny little bit of space in a very negative way. 

Don't pay any attention to me. I'm being super realistic and probably need to take another pill. Everybody needs some redeeming qualities and I just don't happen to see mine. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

Keeping up with myself...

Thank god it's Friday! The domestic help has been here and cleaned up the place and now I get to enjoy the results all in my own company. There is something to be said for that. Being alone in a clean place is sort of like being alone in a temple without an altar, unless you count the computer desk as one. It makes you feel very peaceful and tranquil and you know that for a while everything will stay as uncluttered  and clean as it is. Until you dirty that first ashtray and that first soup bowl and glass for you milk. It's almost a sin to move around in here and I do it reluctantly. 

The fact that it's Friday adds some joy to my life, although I can't for the life of me figure out why it does so much. You'd think I was going on a mini vacation or something. I act like I have something wonderful to look forward to, while all it is is two empty days to do with as I please. And I will do nothing important with them at all. I will sleep late and watch a lot of television and walk the dog and be in my own company. If I'm lucky, I'll read my book. 

My main goal this weekend is to find my equilibrium which I had lost this past week. I think I'm already on my way, because I'm having a relatively peaceful day today. I am aware of the fact that I'm regularly trying to find my balance and that little things influence it and that I have to readjust myself now and then. But slowly and surely I'm becoming more secure of myself and less frightened that I'll not feel stable. I do have to add that I'm finding much relief from my medication and am very much aware when it's working after I've taken it. 

Right now it is the very little things in life that give me the most satisfaction. That's why I'm so happy with my clean apartment. It rained briefly just a while ago and I loved the way the air smelled afterwards. If only someone could bottle that. You would wish for your laundry to smell that way. There's a strong breeze blowing and it has cooled off the apartment by a whole degree. I'm sitting here in my warm gray cardigan with my socks on. To me that is pure bliss. 

I will take a nap in a little while and enjoy the coolness of the dark bedroom under the warmth of the duvet. It will just be a little nap, but it will refresh me for the rest of the day. I find that a nap in the afternoon does me a world of good. It's mostly for the sake of my brain that I take one. It's like pushing the reset button and I always have lots of renewed energy when I wake up, although I do need a cup of coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind. It's not a perfect system, but it suits me. 

I hope you're all having a good day.


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Working the odds...

I'm drinking coffee to increase the chances that my mood will improve, because coffee generally seems to have a positive influence on how I feel mentally. I'm telling myself that after this second cup, I already feel better but, of course, it could all be a question of mind over matter and a huge illusion. On the other hand, maybe caffeine really does do something for me and it is beneficial to my state of mind. 

At any rate, I feel somewhat capable of writing a post, although I have no idea where it's going yet. I'm in a rambling sort of mood and I don't have a specific subject that I want to discuss, except that I want to say that feeling depressed is not my idea of spending quality time with myself. I have been in much better moods and have enjoyed my own company more. I think you bother yourself the most when you're not doing well emotionally. 

But anyway, like I said, the coffee seems to have put me in a better mood and I think I can handle putting my thoughts down on paper (ha, there's that Freudian slip again).

We're having summer weather in April and lots of pollen is blowing through the sunny sky. I don't seem to be in the least bothered by it, so apparently nothing is blooming that I'm allergic too or I'm not allergic at all. I'll just assume that I'm not. It will simplify my life tremendously if I'm not and I would probably have eczema anyway. All those allergy tests I had in the States may have been false positive. I'm also supposed to be allergic to dogs and cats.

The temperatures have been very pleasant and warm and I now have all the windows open on a crack. That means the apartment can air out properly and that some of the warmer air gets inside too, slowly but surely. It is still cooler inside than it is outside. I'd rather keep it that way, but I know that by this summer it won't be. I'll have to try and keep the sun from shining through the living room windows as much as possible. That means keeping the shades drawn for the most part.

It was almost too warm to walk the dog at noon, especially when we were between buildings and out of the breeze. You can tell that I'm not used to this kind of warm weather anymore, nor is the dog. He will have to be trimmed soon because now his fur is too thick and hot. We both laid down in the cool bedroom when we came back and took a nap. It was very pleasant. I'm lucky that the sun only shines on the back of the apartment very briefly in the morning. 

Oh, I see that it's almost time to watch the 6 o'clock news. I will keep this short. I do want to know what has happened in the country and the world. 

I hope you all had a good day.


Sunday, April 17, 2011

Something resembling the every day Nora...

If there is anything I wish, it is to be dull again and to start off a post telling you that I'm sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. Of course, that is exactly what I am doing, so I would be telling you the truth. I'm not quite wide awake and I definitely need the coffee, but not to get me excited, because I'm excited enough on my own. What I really need to do is calm down and relax and what I'm doing now is wait for my medicines to work, which I took just a little while ago.

It seems it was a full moon last night and it would explain a lot, especially my lunatic tendencies. I never know when it's a full moon and always find out afterwards, but it always seems to affect me. I certainly behave a heck of a lot differently than I normally do, but I haven't been myself for the past few days. I best forget about that as quickly as possible and get back to normal as fast as I can. It's better not to dwell on the abnormal times that are so hugely embarrassing afterwards.

I'm going to try to have as normal a day as I possibly can and have my thoughts organized in the same way. It will require a little bit of discipline on my part, but anything is better than how it has been these past two days. There will be no more flights of fancy and escapism. There will only be the reality of my everyday life and all the elements in it. I will take care of those things. I will do a lot of grounding and bonding with the dog and the cat. Those two ought to help me get my grip on reality back.

I suppose I ought to get more sleep. I think I awoke prematurely this morning. Since it's Sunday, it doesn't matter when I get the day started. It will start whenever I think is the right time. That's the nice thing about Sundays. You feel that no one in the world would even think of bothering you. It's a sacred day that's strictly for yourself and you don't have to share it with anyone.

Have a good day.


Saturday, April 16, 2011


I think I may have fallen in love a little bit with my first ex-husband again. I certainly spend an awful lot of time thinking about him and fantasizing about the possibilities of us getting together some time in the future.

Now, I do have to admit that I have a large fantasy and that it does have a tendency to want to grab a hold of me and go on the run with me, so I have to hold on to my horses. I don't want any flights of fancy to dominate my life and influence it to the point that I can't think straight anymore.

I've probably been charmed off my feet like I was the very first time I fell in love with him. The same mechanisms have been triggered. At least I know that those are still in place, but I'm not that young girl anymore. I'm a middle aged woman with a lot of experience and a lot of knowledge, so I can't let myself get lost in this.

I have to keep both feet on the ground and stay in the here and now. I have to keep living my own life and not get lost in fantasies, no matter how pleasant that is. I'll get over that. I've just momentarily been swept off my feet.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

Don't drop the preciousness...

It's one of those middle of the night moments again when I feel at my top best and I think the world is my oyster. It is easy to think that, when all around me is silence and darkness and everybody is asleep. I am the mistress of my universe. I find myself in a void and I like being in this seemingly empty space where only I exist in the cozy circle of the dimly lit living room with only the animals asleep in it. It's like being in a small spaceship. Our destiny is not earth. 

I've made myself a fresh pot of coffee and it involved opening a new package of coffee and emptying the contents in the glass containers which are tightly sealed afterwards to keep the coffee fresh. But the coffee from the freshly opened package always tastes best and the first pot is a joy to drink. If I get the proportions just right, there is nothing like that first cup of coffee and I savor it. It's the little joys in life that bring happiness and I think I have to take advantage of every one of them. 

Another joy I have is wearing my woolly, oversized, gray cardigan. It keeps me warmer than my bathrobe and I like the way it feels against my skin. It is soft and warm and snuggly and on cold nights, with the bedroom window open, I sleep in it. One thing I love to be and that is warm in bed. I hate for any part of me to be exposed to the outside air, except for my head. My gray cardigan is my old trusty stand by for whenever I get cold. I put it on over my clothes when it gets too chilly in here. Because it's so roomy, it always fits. 

The last three days the weather has been chilly and windy. It's actually the normal weather for this time of the year and we were spoiled when it was so beautiful. But you sure very quickly get used to that and take that as the norm and want it to stay that way. Now it's back to wearing double layers of clothing and wearing a jacket when I go out. I'm not much of a hero when it comes to being cold and I don't like to suffer. I like being dressed as warm as I can. The subtropical Nora is alive and well inside of me and will never get used to colder temperatures. I curse the cold wind and it always seems to blow. 

Because I've dressed so warmly, I haven't had to turn up the thermostat and have been able to keep the bedroom window open, which saves me energy costs and airs out the place. It doesn't get real cold in here and in the afternoon, what sun there is heats up the living room through the windows. It makes a few degrees difference. That's not as nice in the summertime when it's hot, but I sure appreciate it now. The apartment traps the heat. 

I've got to figure out what sort of interesting clothes I'm going to wear today. A body does want some variety. I've got to do something interesting with my hair too. It's at the perfect length to fiddle with, as long as I have the aid of some hairspray. It will be the usual fun to look in my closet to see what I will find there. There are always more possibilities than I can think of at the top of my head. As long as I keep my clothes organized, I will be able to find things, that's the whole trick. 

Before I do anything, I need to get some more sleep. So I will take my medicines and head back to bed with a glass of warm milk. I have my most interesting dreams in the morning. We'll see what I make of it this time. 

Have a good day.


Saturday, April 09, 2011

Conversations in the night...

I had gone to bed early and had been asleep a few hours when the dog woke me by very gently and quietly barking by the side of my bed. It was almost as if he was afraid to wake me up but had to do it anyway. It turned out that he had to go out back to do a piddle and when he was done, he wanted a milk bone as a reward. He got one of those because he had not had one that day. 

I got back in bed, but the dog decided to be cozy and got on the bed also and sat on my head. I moved him off, but he stuck as close as he could, making it hard to breathe. He wanted to be cuddled, but I was not exactly in the mood for that. I tried unsuccessfully to go back to sleep with that animal breathing down my neck and his fur tickling my face. I finally gave in and got up and now he's sound asleep in the armchair, as innocent as the puppy he still is in many ways.

I wonder if he wanted me to get up because he's so used to it. I'm supposed to guard over him while he soundly sleeps in the armchair and the cat sleeps on the sofa. It is sort of a ritual that we have developed. I may have taught him bad habits. The whole time that I'm up, he does nothing but sleep deeply and snore and I'm his guardian angel. I suppose he likes being in the living room better than the bedroom. There are better places to sleep. 

This was a short course in how to analyze your dog's behavior. He's now lying down by my feet and I can't move for fear of stepping on him. I'll have to wait for him to move again before I make any other radical plans tonight.

Of course, I don't have any radical plans for tonight. I never do because I'm an obedient citizen and I never do anything wild and out of the ordinary. Besides, so much is legal here that I would really have to do something crazy to be really radical. I'll most likely have a very quiet night sitting here having only adventures in my head and daydreaming about what I would do if I were completely at liberty and obviously, I don't hang out with the right people. You do have to move in the right crowd, one that is equally minded. 

Sometimes cynicism seems to get the upper hand and I don't know if I have any ideals left.  I think I may have a shortage of them, but it's not good for a person to only be a cynic.  You can't dismiss any kind of political and social movement because it tries to unify an idea and I'm not talking about populism, which is a very bad idea and a bandwagon I won't get on. 

I hoped that there would be a bigger rise from the ranks of the female population in all levels of politics and industry and that this influence would change the course of decision making, but I don't see it happening.  That's still an ideology I want to believe in, but I'm not necessarily happy with the quality of women that are rising to the top. They only want to seem to prove the point that they are as tough as men are. Truly incompetent men, at least politically here in the Netherlands. I'm tired of men in gray suits with solid ties and their token female equivalents. 

Enough of that seriousness. It's too heavy a subject so late in the night.  It needs more frivolity than that. 

I'm awfully short of frivolity, though, so I better stop writing. I'm getting a bit tired so it may be necessary to go to bed. I always say that and never do until the wee hours. I always feel compelled to stay up longer and get into more trouble. Tomorrow is Saturday, so it doesn't matter what time I get up. 

Have a good night.


Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Sleeping successfully...

Yesterday I cheated on my vegetarian diet and had a meatball for lunch. I had been craving something hearty like meat for quite a while now and I think it was my body's way of telling me that I had a shortage in my diet.  I had not eaten meat for a long time and I didn't know what was going to happen if I did. Was I going to be struck by lightening, for instance?

I didn't know if my gastric band was going to be able to handle a whole meatball, albeit not such a big one, but I chewed it slowly and carefully and all went well and I felt very satisfied afterwards. The full feeling lasted all afternoon and my stomach was very happy. I guess that's what I needed all along. 

For dinner I had half a bowl of chunky goulash soup and it was the first time that I tried that one. My personal helper had recommended it. It had big chunks of vegetables and mushrooms in it and I think I detected some meat in it as well. It was delicious anyway and I ate it with pleasure. I had a small bowl of chocolate pudding for dessert later and ate some crackers before I went to bed. For a change I had a really full stomach. 

Maybe that's what made me sleep so well because I slept for 7 hours and for me that's almost some sort of record. The longest I have slept so far is 9 hours, so this is getting close. It's very tempting to tie my successful sleeping to my diet and I think I will. I will pretty much eat the same things today that I had yesterday and see if I can sleep as well again tonight. It's worth the try. 

Oh, and I had lost a kilo when I went on the bathroom scale in the morning. You see what a difference it makes when you weigh yourself in the morning as opposed to when you do at night. In my case I lost 400 grams overnight just from sleeping. That's a whole pound. 

It's a normal time in the morning now when ordinary people are awake too. For a change I'm just like everybody else. I won't know what to do with my time. Of course, there are the inevitable chores such as the dishes, but I have all day to do those. 

I suppose it would be a good opportunity to pick out a good outfit to wear. It's going to be nice weather today and I'll have to wear something appropriate. I have a dress in mind that I like very much, but there's another one that I also like and I may give that one a try. It's a toss up between the two. One is more casual than the other. I suppose I'll have to pick the one I feel most comfortable in. 

Right, I have to get the show on the road. The dog needs to be taken for a walk. He doesn't know that yet. He's sound asleep. It will be a total surprise to him. 

Have a good day.


Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Midnight revisited...

Despite my good intentions I relented and closed the windows about an hour ago. I also turned on the heater. I wanted to not do that or worry about the temperature because, after all, it is springtime, even at night. But I got too chilled, even in my bathrobe, and I don't like suffering. It's toasty warm in here now and I think I can turn the heater off and have it be warm enough in the apartment for the rest of the night. It will have to suffice. 

Like I said, I'm sitting here in my bathrobe and I'm obviously not in bed where I should be, but I enjoyed being up late last night and slept well in the morning. I had no bad effects from it today and didn't need to take a nap like I had expected to. I was up on time for my personal helper and even had some time to spare.

I'm extremely mellow and slightly sleepy headed and that feels very pleasant. It's a pleasurable state of mind to be in. I think that's why I like being awake right now. 

It's the whole experience I appreciate. I'm always one to seek out the more pleasant moods that are stress free and in which I feel just a little punch drunk. I seek the altered states of mind that I seem to find at night. Feeling normal isn't good enough. It will do during the day, but at night I want a different experience. 

I went on the bathroom scale tonight and had lost 600 grams. Now I need to get on it in the morning and see what I really weigh, which will be less. I never weigh myself at night, but I was curious because I had not been on the scale in quite some time. I can't wait to see what the weight will be. I hope I will have lost a total of a kilo, but maybe that's too much to hope for. 800 Grams would be nice and I guess that's more realistic. 

Today was an utterly normal day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, except that the weather was unpredictable. Sunshine one moment and huge gray clouds the next.  It was real April weather, although it was a little warmer than usual for the time of year. I guess even the weather wasn't that out of the ordinary. It was a completely forgettable day and you could have traded it in for any other ordinary day that had nothing to distinguish it. 

I suppose I shouldn't complain about that. I'm sure there are enough people in the world who would like to have a very ordinary day with nothing to distinguish it from any other. I'm not really complaining, just stating a fact. It went by quickly and I even watched television last night and watched a soppy show called 'Memories' in which people go in search of an old love from their past. 

Well, I did that and married him and divorced him 15 years later and I don't think the whole adventure was a good idea. It sounds very romantic on paper, but in reality it's not such a great idea. You can't revive a teenage romance. You can do it briefly, but not long term. It has to stay rooted in the past. Ships passing in the night and all that... You don't want to end up like the Titanic on an iceberg. 

I'm a sucker for soppy shows, though, providing they're tastefully done and don't abuse the sentiment. 

Well, I have to move on to the next thing, whatever that is going to be. I don't know if it's going to be bed yet, although I am yawning. I may get excited about something yet. The night is still young. 

Have a good one. 


Saturday, April 02, 2011

Smelling the coffee...

It's in the middle of the night and I have slept enough for now. I don't want to waste anymore time doing it until the morning when it will be Saturday and I will have more than enough time for it. I'm not expecting any people to come over or packages to be delivered like there were yesterday. The domestic help and the Exfactor were here and the package of books that I ordered arrived, causing dents in my otherwise peaceful day. I didn't have the long, languid days that I had on Wednesday and Thursday, when there was nobody here and I could do as I pleased and I got more accomplished in the end.

True, my apartment is very clean and I'm all set for the weekend, except for a load of laundry that needs to be hung up to dry and some more dishes that need to get done, as always. That's a never ending battle because I do eat and dirty them. I keep an eagle's eye on the growing amount of them so they don't get out of hand and become an overwhelming stack. It's like the laundry, the minute there's a full load, I have to wash it so I always stay on top of things. There's a full load quickly when I change the bed. My sheets are getting worn out from washing them and I will soon have to invest in new ones. 

The books that got here have found their place on the bookcase ready to be read when I finish the one I'm reading. They take up a bit of space because one of them is a big, fat paperback. It will take me some time to get through that one. It's with some amount of trepidation that I look at it. The others are more normal sized and less intimidating. I also have small books on my bookcase that I could read in a short amount of time, but I've not been interested in them yet. I guess I'm still looking for a bit of a challenge, but I may want to read them as a break from the bigger ones. I may give that a try. I have a bunch of those by Edna O'Brien, but they are a completely different genre than what I'm reading now. I have to give that some thought. 

There's not much else on the program today. The Exfactor went to the tobacco shop for me yesterday, saving me the trip over there today. I did miss out on a chocolate bar, but I have chocolate pudding. I've been having cravings for meatballs and pork chops and bacon at night before I go to bed and look through the cupboards and the refrigerator to no avail to find something that will take care of my craving instead. I must be in need of protein and have to find a way to get more of it in my diet. It's very hard to be on an all vegetarian diet and I know I'm not getting all the nutrients I should. I think my body is telling me something. 

It's going to be 24C (75F) today. It's a fluke because tomorrow it's going to be a lot cooler again. We'll just happen to be in a high pressure system today. I won't know how to dress. It's been a long time since it's been so warm. I won't worry about it just now, though. I'm going back to bed to sleep some more. When I wake up later in the morning, I'll see how warm it is outside and I'll know which clothes to put on. 

Have a great day.