Options...

It was a choice to either have some coffee or go take a nap. I chose for the coffee and am waiting for the coffeemaker to finish brewing it so I can have a much needed cup. I will forsake the nap and save up my sleep for tonight when I will go to bed at a fairly decent time. I won't have to watch any football matches anyway after last night's debacle when the Dutch team lost against Germany. They haven't won a match yet. It's a terrible situation and I'm much disgusted and so is the rest of the population of this country.We're all walking around in a bad mood. 

I mustn't let that press my fun and immediately move on to other things more uplifting. I will not let the defeat of the Dutch football team determine my outlook for the rest of the day.  I'm sure there are other more important things that are of influence such as this cup of coffee I'm having now and the fact that the sun is shining into the living room. That does alter your mood and make you more cheerful. There's nothing as welcome as a bit of sunshine after all these days of cloudy skies and showers. I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. 

I knew I would cheer myself up writing about that. Just making a note of it is enough to make me happier. The fact that it's getting warmer in the living room does also because it was a little bit chilly in here and I wasn't about to close the windows. It is June after all and that would be admitting defeat. For the same reason I can't turn on the heater even if it does get cold in here. I am bound and determined to keep believing that summer will get here yet and that it will happen in my lifetime. 

I'm wearing a summery top that is new, but at the same time I'm wearing my jeans and a jeans jacket. I'm not quite as warm and comfortable as I'd like to be. I'd like to wear a pair of socks too and a scarf around my neck, but I thought that might be a bit too pessimistic and not in keeping with the time of year. It's always a bit of a struggle to decide what to wear in the morning because I want to wear my summer clothes, but the weather discourages me from doing so. Wearing layers seems to be the best way to deal with it. 

The dog is watching the maintenance people from the city clean up the municipal flowerbeds. They are making an awful lot of noise because they are using power tools. I liked it better in the olden days when things were done by hand and it was a gentle occupation. I'm sure people were more skilled back then too. Nowadays everything seems to get cut back indiscriminately. The dog was sleeping in the sunshine on the dining table. He was very rudely disturbed in his sleep. 

I will now go take him for a walk and enjoy some of the sunshine. Hopefully, it will be warmer outside than it is in here.

Have a great day.

Ciao,
Irene

Holding my horses...

It's been impossible to write a post before this time, but don't ask me what I have been doing instead because I won't be able to answer you. I don't have much to show for my time, except that I can say that I have not wasted it and have been keeping myself occupied. I have been steadily working on my list of things to do and I've had appointments each day lately so I managed to stay out of trouble for he most part. 

The list of things to do is turning out to be a little tougher than I thought it was going to be. The items on there are not checked off that quickly because each time I'm running into a complication so things take twice as long. It's teaching me to be patient and take a long term view, but I think I already knew how to do that and really didn't need the lesson.

Having learned relaxation exercises does help me cut down on any stress I might feel because of this, so I'm not too aggrevated and manage to keep my head cool. I know everything will be resolved in the end. The end will just come a little later. I don't wish to feel stressed all day long and do take times out. There's a time to care and a time to relax. You can't have your bow pulled tight all the time, but I think that's a Dutch saying. 

I'm sitting here now with my second cup of coffee instead of taking a nap. I thought it might be a good idea to have the caffeine and to last until tonight until I go to sleep. I'm thinking about stopping the sleeping pill. I've only got one left and it is of a very low dose. I will not get more and try to do without as of tomorrow. That does mean that I have to start doing without my afternoon nap. I've got to get off the sleeping pills sooner or later. 

It's been raining on and off since Sunday. Sometimes huge showers let enormous amounts of rain fall from the sky. Luckily, I haven't been caught in one of these yet. The dog and I have only gotten a little wet during our walks. It was impossible to see Venus transit in front of the sun. There were too many clouds. 

I hope you are all having a good day.

Ciao,
Irene

The weekend

I was sitting here minding my own business when I noticed that I was getting just a little bit stressed and I wondered why that was. I quickly realized it was because in my head I was making a list of things I had not gotten around to doing and that I absolutely could not forget. But then I also realized that this was the weekend and that I would have plenty of time to do them, so I started to relax again. 

It's just a matter of writing these things down on a piece of paper and breaking them down into simple steps. The smaller the steps, the easier the job and the less intimidated I will be. It's the fear of failure that always paralyzes me and that has to do with my drive for perfectionism. It's better if I name those less appealing characteristics so I won't be bothered by them so much. It's good to keep them in mind while I go about crossing off items on that yet to be made list.

I'm sitting here having a much appreciated cup of coffee. It's as good as I anticipated it would be. Since I'm off the tranquilizers, I don't have many befuddled moments anymore and I seldom have to drink the coffee to become sober minded. I do require it in the mornings to get my head together. I could not start functioning without the caffeine. I suppose that's how addicted I am to it. Like the joke goes: I don't have an identifiable personality without it. And I'm an unmovable, silent obstacle without caffeine. 

The Exfactor can testify to that. He is here some mornings when I'm just waking up and haven't had my coffee yet. He knows that I'm incapable of having a conversation until I've had that first cup. I sit there as if I'm dumb struck and I can hardly utter a word. I do completely turn around when the caffeine has hit my system and am full of kindness once that happens. I can talk about any subject then and make a completely coherent shopping list. 

Luckily, the scenario above doesn't happen a lot. I do try to be up on time when I know the Exfactor is coming. I very seldom oversleep. That must be why I like the weekends because it allows me that luxury, although I don't often take advantage of it. I must remember that I like the weekends for those times when I think I don't.

Ciao,

Irene

A bright and shiny moment...

It is with some amount of pleasure that I sit here at the end of the afternoon and enjoy the sunlight that is shining into the living room windows. It does make everything look bright and cheerful and it does wonders for the state of my mind. For a while I will thoroughly enjoy this time behind the computer and not worry about a single thing. Not that I really have that much to worry about anyway. My mind is pretty much empty of things that I could get overly stressed about. 

Besides, now is not the time of day to worry about anything. I do that best the first thing in the morning before I've had my cup of coffee and before my medicines have started to work. But because I know that the lack of these things causes me to feel stress, I don't pay it too much mind and simply wait for them to take effect. I try to ignore what goes on in my head for the first hour after I get up. I know I will be my usual normal self n the shortest amount of time. 

We've had some rain and cloudy weather and although I didn't mind it too much, I was glad when the sun came out again. It did actually affect my mood a little bit when the sky was so gloomy.  I pretend that it doesn't get to me, but really it does. I notice that when the sun starts shining again and my whole attitude changes. I'm a lot more cheerful because of it. We're supposed to have more rain tomorrow, but I guess I shouldn't complain about it too much because Mother Nature does need it. Some rain on a regular basis can only do it good. 

I saw my relaxation therapist today and learned a new exercise. I know so many different ones now that I could keep busy all day long doing them. They do seem to work because the pain I had walked around with in one shoulder is gone now and it had been a very stubborn pain that I thought I was going to need painkillers for.  Today's exercise really worked well on my belly and stomach and I literally felt the knots there untie.

I've got to go because the dog is waiting for me to take him for a walk. It's that time of the day again. At least the sun is shining and the temperature is nice. It will be great to be out there. 

Ciao,
Irene

In the early evening...

In spite of the two cups of coffee I've had, I'm sitting here yawning as if I need to go to bed and take a nap. It is true that I didn't take one this afternoon, but I thought the caffeine took care of that. I just took a walk with the dog in the warm summery feeling air and I thought it was enough to wake me up. Instead it has half put me to sleep. 

I refuse to believe that I really can't do without my afternoon nap. I'm not quite that old yet, although it must be that some habits die hard and I have gotten used to this one. It does feel good to be a little sleepy and I'm not really complaining. At least the coffee hasn't made me wiry and jumpy, but then it seldom does. I probably wouldn't drink it if it did. 

Being in a mellow mood is just fine. It allows me to reflect on life without getting too excited about it. Of course, I saw my relaxation therapist today, so I'm bound to be more mellow because we did new exercises together. After I did a series of them lying down very comfortably, I could have gone to sleep on the spot and it took me some effort to get up again and start riding my bike home. 

By the time I got home, I was somewhat refreshed again and could finish doing the laundry which had to be hung up. It was my second load of the day and I did it with pleasure because it smelled so good thanks to the washing powder. I do like to get some rewards for my efforts and good smelling laundry is one of them. Especially if they are clothes I'm going to wear. They smell bad soon enough because I smoke. 

I've been talking to the dog a lot and it amazes me how much he understands. I don't know if he understands a complete sentence, but enough words anyway to know what I mean and to anticipate what is going to happen. He doesn't forget what I've told him and just waits patiently for me to get around to it. I think he's smarter than he lets me believe. He does hide his light under a bushel and pretends he's dumb sometimes. I think that's when it's convenient to him. 

Oh, I've got to watch the news.  Time to go.

Ciao,
Irene

It's always something...

It's a beautiful day out. The sky is blue and the sun is shining and the temperatures are great. It feels like a summer day and the weatherman was right. He predicted it. It will stay this way for the rest of the week and I am totally agreeable to it. I just walked the dog and it was a pure pleasure to be out there. The bees were buzzing amongst the wildflowers and the birds were twittering in the trees. All that was missing were the butterflies.

I could not walk quickly because I think I have broken my toe. I did it this morning when I walked into the edge of a metal sign that the Exfactor had temporarily placed against my bike that was parked in the hallway. I noticed it on the way to the toilet, but forgot about it on the way back. It was quite a bang and I used a swear word because it hurt so much.The sign was big and heavy and did not move an inch.

As the day wore on, my toe got worse and I hobble a bit when I walk. Even when I sit still it hurts. It is the middle toe of my left foot and I know nothing can be done about it, so I've put a sock on it and I'm wearing my sneakers for comfort. That gives me some idea of support, but to tell you the truth, I think it isn't helping one bit and I may as well take them off. I have taken a paracetamol and I hope that will do.

Other than that, it's been a nice day. I think that's mostly due to the amount of sunshine that's coming in through the living room windows. It does cheer me up. It makes me a better person. I'm much more agreeable when the sun shines, although I'm always kind. At least I try to be in spite of myself. I do get grumpy at times. 

That's not something a cup of coffee can't take care of and I've had mine. I'm all caffeinated now. I did take a small nap earlier because I got up on time this morning. I was expecting the Exfactor but I had no idea what time he was getting here because he is hard to pin down. When he got here, he asked me to iron two long sleeved shirts for him, but since he always does the groceries, it was a pleasure for me to be able to do that. 

I hadn't ironed any men's shirts in a long time and had forgotten how much work they are if you want to do a good job. It seems that every time you run the iron over them, you iron a new wrinkle into them. It is frustrating.

I've got to watch the news and eat dinner. It's that time of the day again.

Ciao,
Irene

Early on a Tuesday morning...

I am all out of tranquilizers so I didn't take one last night before I went to sleep. As a result, I didn't sleep as much as I usually do. I was a little bit off balance this morning when I got up but a cup of coffee soon fixed that. I was up very early but I can always take a nap later in the day if I feel like it. Today is not going to be a busy day at all so there will be lots of opportunity for it.

That one tranquilizer at night was the only one I took anymore. I knew I was running out and purposely didn't get a refill. I wanted to get off them because I realized I was under the influence of them when I got up in the middle of the night and sat behind the computer. I do want my mind to be as clear as it can be at all times and that was not the case. I was always a little bit high when I wrote my blog posts. 

I also take a sleeping pill. It's more a "fall asleep" pill and is only supposed to work for a few hours. I take the lowest dose but I'm sure I'm hooked on it too and it would be nice if I got off that one also. I must try that in the near future, although my psychiatrist said once that it is not a high priority. I will first see how well I do without the tranquilizers and then see about that sleeping pill. There's no rush, of course. 

Maybe I will be like a newborn woman and get lots of energy without the tranquilizer. It is nice to fantasize about. It would be great to have a little more get up and go. Sometimes I feel lazy but I wonder if I'm just not drugged. Time will tell. 

The dog is still asleep on the sofa. He won't be ready to start the day for a while. It's much too early for him. I'm ready to get the day started but I wouldn't know what to do with it right away. I have nothing pressing on my agenda. That's the problem. I don't have a busy enough schedule when I feel good. My schedule is fine when things don't go so well amd I need lots of time and energy to take care of myself. But now? 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,
Irene

Chilled to the bone...

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes at the end of the afternoon. I thought initially that I was going to need a nap but once I had some caffeine in me, I quite perked up and now I feel like a million dollars. I haven't been in such a good mood for quite a while and it is very welcome. I won't analyze it because it's too precious for that. I will just accept it for what it is and enjoy it. 

The coffee tastes very good and I think with this cheap little coffeemaker I can't make a bad cup. It's really a primitive little thing and I really should get a much better one but it does turn out good coffee. I really think it's because of the measuring spoon that it came with. I'm finally getting the amount of ground coffee right. I was putting in way too much before and made coffee that knocked my socks off. 

The domestic help has been here and I can now look forward to the weekend which in my eyes has already started. I have the rest of this day off and I can do with it as I please. I will take advantage of that and totally indulge myself. I do feel I deserve it after a long suffering week of many moods and much stress. I sure as heck don't want to repeat that any time soon. Whose idea was that anyway.? 

The day went by quickly but it always does when you're in a good mood. The time flies by and I didn't get up all that late either. It rained in the morning but I paid it no mind and took the dog out between showers. The grass had been cut and all the buttercups and daisies in the fields were gone. I do dislike that because they looked so cheerful. I thought the buttercups especially looked very nice. 

The sun has come out and it is shining into the living room making it a little bit warmer in here. That does make a difference and I wish it would come out earlier in the day. When it gets chilly, I feel like putting on all my winter clothes and I´m sure it´s the wrong time of the year for that. You want to stay optimistic because it´s May, regardless of what the weather does. You dare the sun to come out and show itself. 

If I were downtown now, I would sit on a café terrace under an umbrella and have a hot chocolate. Then I would participate in our favorite sport and watch the people go by. That reminds me that I haven´t been to the movies in a while and I have no idea what´s showing. I must look on the film theater´s website and see what the latest movies are. 

It´s time to eat. I must feed my body too. I can´t live on coffee alone. 

I hope you´ll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Another cup of coffee...

I realize that I've got to make some more coffee if I want to feel at all better than I do now. It will be a last ditch effort. It is the only thing I know to do that I think will help. It is either that, or crawl back into bed. I'm not exactly in the mood for that because it is too early in the day for a nap. I've got to find another way to cheer up.

I woke up this morning with a headache and pain in my neck and shoulders, so that was not a good beginning to the day. I also felt very stressed and my thoughts raced through my mind almost from the minute I got up. They jumped from one subject to the other at amazing speeds. I don't know what to blame that on.

I seemed to do a bit better after I took my medicines but that may have all been in my magination. I don't think I have really improved that much. I'm a bit calmer now maybe. 

I have to try and find the magic formula to peacefulness. I know that I am capable of this because I have felt it in the past. It may have been quite by chance that I felt it but I know it exists. If I do everything just right, maybe I will feel it again. Writing these thoughts down helps a lot too. 

Sometimes I find it very difficult to be me, especially when I can't find my peace and quiet. When they are so elusive that I'm left with nothing but free floating anxiety. 

I've had my first cup of coffee and I feel somwhat better now. I suppose that was a good choice then. It's straightening out my head to some extend. 

I was supposed to do some paperwork today that I have been putting off and have not yet found the right moment for. It's not very complicated but does require me to pay attention and it is a responsible job. I can't do it when I'm stressed. It literally makes me sick just thinking about it. I will put it off until this weekend when I will feel less pressure on me. 

Yesterday, as if by some miracle, I started reading a book. It is one I got for Christmas on the workings of the brain. I hope it keeps continuing to capture me and that I will finish it. So far it is interesting but I won't be able to concentrate on it if I feel this amount of stress. I will make myself sit down and try to read it again today for about an hour. Anything to do with the brain is fascinating to me. 

First I will find some other relaxing activities to do behind the computer. The dog has stopped bothering me and has gone to sleep. I was waiting for that to happen. He's a little spoiled sometimes and won't eat his kibbles. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Of course, of course...

I am sitting here with a strong cup of coffee. I need it because I am so sleepy. I want to take a nap at every opportunity. I think that is because I've quit smoking. It seems to me that I had this reaction before. Of course, I can't keep sleeping. I will have to get up now and then too. I hope this coffee gives me some perkiness. I only made one cup because I thought it would be enough but I may have to make more. 

Of course, taking naps is one way to get through the day if I can't smoke. It does occupy my time. I have to think of things to do to keep my mind off the cigarettes that I can't have. If I just sit in my armchair without anything to do it gets too difficult. I do need to be a bit diverted. This morning there were cultural programs on televsion that helped me keep my mind busy. Now I'm trying to do the same thing with the internet. 

I make it sound like I'm having a heck of a time not smoking but it really isn't that bad. It's all within the limits of my control. I'm not going crazy yet with withdrawal but I ám having an allergic reaction to the nicotine patches. Where they are and have been, I have perfect squares of bright red skin. That does make you think, doesn't it? 

Because it's the weekend, I don't have much on the program. On top of that it's a three day weekend because on Monday it is Queen's Day and that is a national holiday. Actually, I can be as lazy as I want to be and that's the nice part about it. I can take naps whenever I want. As long as I take care of the animals, I can have totally unstructured days and nights. I'm sure there's some advantage to that.

It's actually a warm day here today and it feels like it's 23 degrees Celcius outside. Isn't that unbelievable? I've got the kitchen window wide open so I can smell the fresh air. Unfortunately, there's hardly any wind so there's not much of a draft. Still, I mustn't complain. It was raining during the night and now it's dry, although the sun is not out completely. I hope the weather stays good like this for the whole three day weekend. The queen deserves good weather to celebrate her day in. 

The coffee has perked me up properly and I am functioning again. One cup turned out to be enough but it was a strong one. I think the dog wants to go for a walk so I better take him now. He acts like it's urgent. Of course, he always does. 

Have a nice day.

Ciao,

Irene

Many words are wasted...

I've got an extremely grumpy mood and I think it's because I just woke up from a nap. I must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed or I haven't had enough coffee yet. The sun is shining outside so it's not the weather's fault. I must drink another cup of coffee and see if that will straighten me out. I can't stay grumpy because I am my own worst enemy this way. If I could kick myself in the rear end, I would do it. 

I don't usually wake up grumpy from naps. As a rule I am quite reasonable. I only need the coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind, not to put me in a good mood. As a matter of fact, I'm a quite mild mannered person and not prone to grumpiness. That doesn't mean that I don't think a person is not allowed to be it once in a while. We can't all be saints. There is a time and a place for everything. A lesser mood does happen when you're a mere mortal. Besides, the Greek gods were famous for their moodiness.

I know I will get over it in no time at all and that this will not last. I'm not going to stay grumpy for the rest of the day. It's just a temporary hitch in the system. Just by writing about it I will start feeling better. And I can always talk myself out of everything, including temporary grumpiness. 

In the meantime, I'm having another cup of coffee and I'm already starting to feel better. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I just made another pack of cigarettes from my dwindling tobacco supply and I think by tomorrow I should be all out of it. Then it will be time for the nicotine patches. I'm lucky that I still have those and that I don't have to go out and spend the money on them because they are expensive enough. 

It's been a great day today in which nothing of importance happened whatsoever and that was fine with me. I watched the news updates a lot because politically there's a lot going on right now and I do want to stay informed. It looks like we're going to have elections on September the 12th and that gives all the parties time to prepare for them properly. Having elections on June the 27th was pushing it a little bit. Personally, I'm more than ready to go out and vote but there are always those floating voters who can't make up their minds. 

When the sun disappears, it immediately gets colder in here and I've had to turn on the heater. I have the feeling I should be eating hot soup or other hearty winter fare. I have at this moment a terrible craving for a stew or a chowder and I wish I was in the States so I could easily take care of it.  I guess I'm in the mood for some real American food but that is hard to get. I wouldn't mind going to a Denny's right now and having my pick of the menu. 

I think that's all I have to share. I've got to put my bathrobe on over my clothes so I'll be warm. I'm a great sufferer of the cold.

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

In the mood...

I'm always the most comfortable when I tell you that I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It sets the stage, sort to say. I've taken a nap and now it's almost evening. Outside the sky looks threatening and it wouldn't surprise me if we got another terrible shower that we seem to get every evening. 

Inside it is a little chilly because I don't have the heater turned on yet. I don't know why I'm being so stubborn. I guess I'd rather sit here and freeze my buns off but the cup of hot coffee is warming me somewhat.

My mood is neither here nor there. It's unimportant and I'm not going to waste any words on it. The less said about it the better. 

This weekend the government collapsed and we will have new elections. A lot of people have been waiting for this to happen, including me. I was not too fond of the government and I hoped it would collapse. Still, I was pleasantly surprised when it did. 

It collapsed over the budgetary cut backs and how severe they were going to be and believe me, they were. Now it is hoped that all the other political parties come up with their better alternative budgets so we can make sensible decisions. 

Because of the summer holidays, the elections won't take place until September at the earliest. Everyone will get the time to prepare themselves properly. I already know which party I'm going to vote for, so I'm more than ready to.

There was also a train accident at the Central Station in Amsterdam. For some reason there were two trains on the same track that hit eack other head on. There were many wounded and a lot of them severe. For now it is unknown how these two trains ended up on the same track but there's going to be an investigation. 

So, despite the fact that I spent a lot of the weekend sleeping,  I did manage to stay well informed. I watched the news as events unfolded and took naps in between. I did miss most of the sports that were on but I'm going to watch the highlights tonight. A couple of football games were played today and I want to know their outcomes. 

Except for the news events, the weekend was quiet and went by quickly. I suppose I'm ready for the week to start. I'm not thrilled about it and frankly don't care much one way or the other. I suppose my mood could be better. I'm sure I'm affected by events more than I realize. 

Have a great evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Drinking genuine coffee...

There's nothing that perks you up as well as drinking a freshly brewed cup of coffee. It makes a tremendous amount of difference with a cup of instant coffee which doesn't seem to do a lot for me in comparrison. I had forgotten what it was like to drink a freshly brewed cup of coffee and what it did for me but I'm glad I'm having the experience now. It has improved my mood tremendously and I haven't felt as good since the old coffeemaker died.

The Exfactor was kind enough to bring me the new coffeemaker yesterday because he didn't want me to drink the instant coffee any longer and thought I shouldn't have to wait until Friday when he is coming over next. I sure do appreciate that. It's the seemingly little things in life that make the most difference and that make you the most happy. You can savor them and be truly glad that you've got them. 

In that same manner I'm enjoying the newly trimmed dog who looks so different and who I have to keep looking at with a smile. He's taken on a whle new appearance and it's like I took a new dog home from the trim salon. I know he's the same dog because he shows the same amount of adoration if not more so because he thought I had abandoned him forever there. We're bonding up a storm and are like a newly wed couple and inseperable. I had missed him for the time he was gone. So had the cat. 

I'm now drinking a tall glass of ice cold milk to quench my thrist and to get over the high of the coffee. I do have to settle down again because I have to go back to bed again in a while. It's with some mixed feelings that I look forward to that because I'm wide awake but I'll soon start yawning and be more ready to go.

After having had things on the program for the past three days, I have nothing going on tomorrow and I can sleep as late as I want. It's also with mixed feelings that I look forward to that. I'd like to sleep late but actually doubt if I will having gotten used to waking up early. I won't know what to do with myself and hope I can find some household chores to do.

We're supposed to have periods of rain  and it won't be all that warm, but rain was promised yesterday too and not much came of it. There were some splatters and that was about it. We don't always get a lot of the weather down here in the south that the rest of the country gets.

I've finished my milk and will be off to my bed now. The dog has been out back twice in the time I've sat here. I think the second time was just for amusement but I couldn't be sure. Sometimes he has legitimate reasons. 

I hope you're all having a good night. 

Ciao,

Irene

Finding inspiration...

Frankly, I've looked high and low for inspiration and I haven't found any yet but maybe I'll stumble over it when I've finished this cup of coffee. Anything is possible after all. What I want to write about may be staring me right in the face and I may be overlooking it completely. It may be as simple as not looking good enough. Or not having had enough coffee yet. That could be the case also. I'll quickly finish this cup. I just mustn't dribble. 

The Exfactor called me a while ago to ask me what color I wanted my coffeemaker in. He was at the Kijkshop getting ready to buy one at a very good price. He will deliver it to me on Friday and then I will be able to make regular coffee again and my heart will soar. I hope I still remember how to make it correctly and haven't lost the skill. I do still have the coffee. I have two full packages ready to use on the kitchen shelf. Isn't that utterly convenient?

The dog was sitiing beside me begging for an apple. At least I think that's what he wanted. He usually does at this time of the afternoon. He remembers they are in the refrigerator and gets a hunkering for them. He patiently sits beside me in the kitchen while I peel one for him and then goes to the living room to eat it. He always goes to look at the peel on the counter afterwards but it's too far away for him to get it. I don't think he should be ingesting any pesticides. Isn't he cute, though? Him and his apples. 

The wind from the south has picked up and is blowing dry leaves through the street rapidly. It looks like autumn out there. It makes me feel cold just watching it. I feel that I should go and put my winter clothes on. Sometimes the weather is beautiful at this time of year but we sure didn't get lucky this time. It was supposed to have rained today too but it never did, thank goodness. I still have to go out and walk the dog and I don't want my nearly perfect hairdo to get ruined. 

My cup of coffee is empty and I'm out of inspiration and never really found it. As a result, it's not much of a post but what the heck. I've got to take my medicines and take the dog for a walk. I think he's more than ready to go. I'm going to miss watching the 6 o'clock news again but lately I've been very badly informed. I'm being a bad citizen of the world. 

Have a good evening you all. 

Ciao,

Irene

An undetermined mood...

I'm actually still yawning from the long nap I took this afternoon and the cup of coffee I just had has not made much of an impact yet. I guess I didn't make it strong enough and the second cup will have to pack a punch. That's why my mood is still undetermined and I have no idea of how I'm put together yet. I think right now I'm mostly grumpy but I'll try to get over that as quickly as I can and you can all be witness to it. Watch a metamorphosis take place. 

I must be in one of those cycles that I need a lot of sleep because I have not gotten a shortage of it for the last 24 hours. It seems that I can't get enough of it. I even slept on the sofa for an hour while I was waiting for the domestic help to get here. When she did, I was so comatose that I could hardly talk to her. So much for my conversational skills that usually don't let me down. But right now I'd rather sleep than do almost anything else and that includes eating, although that doesn't say much. 

The sun has been shining a lot today but it hasn't actually been a warm day. I did have to wear my winter coat when I went out and I've had the heater on for most of the day. I do have to admit that I get cold quickly and I seem to be allergic to the cold. I was definitely meant to live in a warmer climate. But at least the sun was out and it did cheer things up. Of course, the world is a lot greener and that does make things look a lot more cheerful too.

I do appreciate the fact that I have to go out a couple of times a day to walk the dog because otherwise I would not be aware of how quickly nature is changing right now. It's thé opportunity for me to be out regularly and see how green the trees are becoming and how many dandelions there are growing in the grass. The lowly dandelion does have its place in nature too. 

There, I've become sensible and wide awake again and I never did have that second cup of coffee. I had two glasses of cold milk instead. I was very thirsty and slightly hungry too. That milk took care of that. 

I can now move on to the next chapter and that is to take my medicines and take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Is there anything else?

I'm slightly discombobulated from having fallen asleep in my armchair. I had pulled the red fleece blanket over me because I was cold and before I knew it, I had nodded off. I slept sitting up like that for about an hour and woke up completely disoriented. It was a bit of an unusual place to take a nap, after all. I'm still yawning now after a cup of coffee and I'll have to have a second one before I really am awake.

I just peeled an apple for the dog and he ate it with much appetite. I secretly obeserved him eating it. It's so much fun to watch. He takes delicate bites and makes thoughtful crunching sounds when he chews. For a while, nothing in the world exists but that apple.

I've gotten a second cup of coffee and I'm starting to feel better now. I'm not quite as fuzzy as I was. Cups of coffee are so good for my mental health. If tea did the same thing I would drink it but I have not experienced the proof of it yet.

The afternoon is drawing to a close and we didn't see any sunshine all day. It has been dreary and cold. The wind was coming from the north-east today and that usually means it's colder. I've had the heater on for most of the day and even so I've been feeling chilled. I think I'm wearing enough clothes but that doesn't seem to help. 

If I really want to do something nice for myself, I'd change the bed and I think that's just what I'll do. It will be a treat to get under a clean duvet cover this evening. Besides, I've got that new good smelling washing powder and it does make the laundry smell good. It's great to have it drying on the clothes rack. 

My thumb is healing up quite nicely and doesn't hurt half as bad as it did yesterday. I can even use it a little bit if I'm careful. I'm very careful with the new paring knife now that I know how sharp it is. I treat it with the respect it deserves.

The Amstel Gold Race was taking place here this afternoon and there were helicopters in the air making lots of noise. It must have been a madhouse along the route. I didn't follow the race on television, although I usually do every year. I like to watch them climb the famous Cauberg. I've done it on foot many times and it's a real doozy.It does make your legs ache. 

I've got the perfect hairdo today. It's completely tousled but in place the way I want it to be. I achieved this by rubbing it with a towel and then roughly running my hands through it and applying hairspray. I bet I can sleep on it tonight and have it look the same way in the morning. I'll give it a try anyway. 

I hope you're all having a good Sunday. Too bad it's the last day of the weekend. 

Ciao,

Irene

Positively positive...

I haven't taken a nap but I'm having a cup of that delicious instant coffee instead to perk me up. I need the caffeine so I don't mind how bad it tastes. Actually, I am getting used to it so it isn't the awful experience I make it sound like. It serves the purpose and that's what counts. It is true that I can't wait for a decent cup of coffee and that I've almost forgotten what one tastes like. It will be like an angel peeing on my tongue. 

The day has gone by quickly and no doubt that was partly due to the fact that I slept late this morning. The dog was kind enough not to wake me up at all. I very leisurely had a cup of coffee in my armchair while I remembered who I was and what day it was. I didn't realize that it was Friday the 13th but it wouldn't have made any difference. I would have approached the day the same way. 

I was glad it was Friday and that the domestic help was going to be here to clean up the apartment. It's nice to enter the weekend with everything in ship shape. All I had to do was the dishes and some laundry and make the bed. Luckily it was not that cold outside so I could open the windows and let the place air out. For that reason I'm looking forward to the real springtime so I will be able to always have the windows open. 

I have headaches off and on and sometimes I take a painkiller for them. At least I know why I get them and I'm not worried about them. It's just a bit of a bother. I mostly try to relax and ignore them. I do pay attention to how I hold myself. I make sure that I'm not in a cramped up position and that I sit behind the computer straight. I also think that I need to get some new pillows for my bed. The ones I have are a little old and not so very supportive. 

I just noticed that the domestic help cleaned the French way, in other words, with a lick and a promise. I just gathered a lot of dog hair out from underneath my desk. There's a lot of dust on the baseboard too. I think people in the south don't clean as rigorously as people in the north. The furniture doesn't get vacuumed either and very seldom underneath. I'll have to check it from now on and do some of it myself. I'm still in good enough shape to do that. 

I'm making a shopping list for tomorrow and adding to it as I remember things. It's growing longer by the minute. I've written a coffeemaker on there also. I think I need to go to "Action" with the Exfactor and buy some things I need. I also need another frying pan and another pan to cook in with a glass lid on it. I will get them at very reasonable prices at that store. The only problem is the continual crowd and the long lines by the cash registers. 

It's time for me to take out the dog. It's overcast outside but at least it's dry. It hasn't rained all day. It would have been good weather to dry the laundry outside on the clothes line. Oh well...

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Don't forget about the angels...

I woke up from my nap with a headache so that was not a good begin to the rest of the day. But it got better as I moved around and now it is nearly gone. I haven't yet taken a painkiller and will not unless I have to. I'd rather not take anything if I don't absolutely have to. It's amazing though that you can get a headache from sleeping. I thought that was a very relaxing activity. I guess I don't know everything yet.

I woke up half way through my nap because the dog had thrown the alarm clock to the ground where it landed in three seperate pieces. Fortunately, it was still working and when I put it back together it was still telling the right time. I do have to get another, sturdier alarm clock. This one is rather old and rickety. I got it from the Exfactor to use temporarily. That's been long enough now. You should look gift horses in the mouth sometimes.

The first thing I did when I got up was make a cup of coffee. It may be instant coffee but I needed the caffeine. I'm properly activated now after the first cup but I can't take the dog for a walk because it's raining outside. That means I'll have another cup of coffee and wait a while. The dog is very patient and didn't even want to stay out back for fear of getting wet. He is sensible sometimes. The older he gets, the more sensible he becomes.

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The rain stopped and the sun suddenly came out and it was the perfect time to take the dog out. It was lovely outside and not too cold. It was perfect to be out there for a while and get some fresh air. I do so appreciate the longer days. I feel like I've been out in the country. That's a lot of wishful thinking on my part. The air did feel awfully clean, though. I feel completely restored by it.

The dog is casually eating his dinner but I neglected the cat and almost forgot to give her her kibbles. She did sit on the kitchen counter with a look of astonishment on her face. I quickly remedied that and she's now chowing down from a newly filled bowl. 

I suppose I must start thinking about what to eat for dinner myself. I first have to take my medicines. I'm a very faithful medicine taker and never skip a dose and very seldom forget to take them. For this reason, my psychiatrist is very fond of me. 

I think I will have Greek yoghurt and a banana and share the banana with the dog. He is awfully fond of them and they are starting to get a little spotted. Tomorrow the Exfactor will do the groceries and buy more of the things I like best. Luckily, they are not the most expensive. I'm an inexpensive consumer. It doesn't matter what the prices are at the supermarket. I always fall into the cheap category.

Right, off I go. I hope you'll all have a good evening with something good to eat.

Ciao,

Irene

A brief moment in time...

That's what I intend to describe here anyway, although it will probably turn in to a description of many long moments in time because I'm sitting here comfortably with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and am not about to go anywhere. I'm still sleepy enough to be nice and mellow but alert enough to make sense. At least I'm not in one of my hypo-manic moods and floating on a cloud. I'm completely down to earth where I belong. 

I've done some sleeping already because I went to bed early last night. I didn't have the patience to stay up late and watch television. I wanted to get comfortable under the duvet and drift off into sleep and dreamland. I don't remember if I dreamed or not. If I did, it wasn't very impressive because nothing stayed with me. They must have just been very ordinary things that weren't worth remembering. 

I hope that when I go back to bed, the rest of my night will be like that also. 

There's not much to talk about when you're down to earth where you belong. I'm frantically searching in my mind for subjects to discuss and all I can think of are the things I already talked about on my other blog. I don't want to fall into repetition so I won't be discussing them.  I suppose that I'm not as alert as I thought I was because normally I have no problem coming up with things to talk about. 

That warrants another cup of coffee and I'm drinking it now. Hopefully it will loosen me up a bit. It's a terrible thing when your mind lets you down. It's the one thing you have to be able to rely on. That's why you have to run a little interference every now and then and give it a little stimulance. A mind on its own sometimes can't do a lot but sit there and be very dull. And that is very boring. 

My therapist wants me to see a woman who does breathing and relaxation techniques. She teaches you how to do them. My therapist thought they might be good for me to know because I now use tranquilizers. I'm somewhat interested in this and already know the woman who teaches them from yoga classes that I took a long time ago and I know that she's a very agreeable person.  I was happy to hear that she made it through the budget cuts. 

Today I have to go to a center of activities to see if there's a creative class I may be interested in. Hopefully there's a group of women I will find something in common with. I have to meet the leader of the group today. I'm a bit nervous about this because it's a new venture, but it is very close to where I live. It's a ten minute walk away from the apartment so it couldn't be better. I just have to gather up my courage. Whatever I have of it. 

You wouldn't think I was scared of trying out new things but I am. I'm less brave than you may think I am. There's always a hurdle I have to get over. I can talk myself out of things very easily. I mustn't do that this time because it is an opportunity to get involved with something interesting and to be socially engaged. I must be courageous. 

I'm going to take my somewhat timid self to bed now and get some more sleep. If I'm able to after this second cup of coffee. I may be too wired. Maybe I'll have to pay Facebook a visit first. I'll see.

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Irene

What's the rush anyway?

I've already been sleep but the dog woke me up by licking my hands and my face, He knows that's a surefire way of waking me up, it works every time. I think he does it when he his bored of being all by himself and wants some company. He didn't have to go out anyway. 

So here I am sitting with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Outside it is raining like it has a lot today. No doubt we need it because it hasn't rained a lot lately. It is a gentle rain and not coming down in buckets. That is some relief. And at least it isn't very cold outside. 

I have been eating the Greeks yoghurt that I bought for my sister. It is delicious and I think I'm hooked on it. It is so thick that you can set a spoon straight up in it. I eat it with brown sugar like she does and I can heartily recommend it. I like it at least as much as I like vanilla pudding and that is saying a lot. I don't know how many calories there are in it, I think there must be a lot, but it is worth every bite. I'm sure it's very good for you too. 

I've also got the drink yoghurt that I usually never buy in raspberry flavor. I will be having that next. I'm looking forward to it. I actually wish I had buttermilk to drink and I will have the Exfactor buy that the next time he goes grocery shopping which will be tomorrow as a matter of fact. The timing couldn't be better. 

I took the dog out for walks in the rain today and we did get wet which the dog didn't mind at all. I didn't either because I was dressed for it. We didn't get overly wet and I dried the dog off with a towel when we got home. He did enjoy that but I get the top half of him more dry than the bottom half. That's as much as he was able to co-operate. 

When I was done drying him, he was one mess of little curls which made him look very smart. I wish I could say the same for my hair, but it just stayed as straight as it always was.  Things are divided unequally in this world. Of course, people with curly hair want straight hair. Having straight hair, I just don't understand that. 

The cat stayed inside for most of the day and every once in a while had the crazy half hour when she ran through the living room using the furniture as an obstacle course and daring the dog to join in. That's when she must have had cabin fever. If she did, she brought it on herself. The rest of the time she slept on my bed and was unmovable. I could sit on her before she got out of the way.

I dreamed that I was having a pro-war argument with some bleeding heart liberals in British English which I spoke with a lisp. I argued that there was reason to fight for a cause and that there was reason to go out on a mission at night to seek and kill your enemy. I spoke very heatedly about this with much passion. When I woke up from my dream, I was convinced that I was right. I don't know how I feel about this now. 

I will now go and find some other way to amuse myself. It isn't time to go back to bed yet. I'm sure I can think of many things to do. There are usually all sorts of ways to get into trouble and I am bound to find them. I get bored easily enough with the status quo to want to change it. Watch me do it now.

Gave a good night you all.

Ciao,

Irene