Challenge...

I've been challenged not to write about coffee, but you may as well ask me not to write a post at all because it is impossible for me not to mention coffee. It is such an integral part of my daily life that it would be hard not to talk about it. It makes me function when I'm about ready to take a nap and don't want to. I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee now and there's more in the pot to have in a while. I'm looking forward to it already and yes, I'm starting to function much better. 

I haven't done a bleeding thing all day but walk the dog and sit around and watch interesting programs on television. I do make sure I see my fair share of those on Sundays. That's after I've quietly contemplated my navel in the silence of the early morning hours when I've finally gotten up. Because it's Sunday, I don't feel called upon to do a heck of a lot and feel that being lazy is perfectly legitimate. 

All I had to do was get dressed at one point and pretend to be wide awake, but I don't feel that I have to be as alert as I have to be the rest of the week. The dog seems to have the same notion and takes many naps in whatever sunshine is available to him. He must know that it's my day off and doesn't make too many demands. We do honor the day of the Lord and pay proper attention when the church bells ring, but that's as far as our devotion goes. 

Tonight the Netherlands is playing its football match against Portugal. We are still in the running if we beat them with two points and if Germany beats Denmark. Those are a lot of ifs that I don't have faith in. I don't even know if I will stay up to watch the match. I may get so disgusted that I'll turn off the televsion and go to bed. I even thought about lighting a candle at the Our Dear Lady Chapel, but I'm sure a lot of like minded, middle aged, Portugese women will do the same thing in their chapels. And they are catholic and I am not.

The sun does come out every once in a while even though it is overcast a lot. At least it's not raining today. It's not very warm outside and I do have to wear a jacket when I walk the dog. I'm wearing warmer clothes too, but that's purely because I'm being less stubborn and am indulging myself. I decided I wanted to be extra comfortable and ignore the fact that it's nearly summer. I don't know who to blame this weather on. Maybe some day it will be sunshiny and warm again. 

I just remembered that I have to do a load of laundry. In all my laziness I had forgotten that. 

Ciao,
Irene

Stormy weather...

I made myself a weak pot of coffee because I was too lazy to open a new package of ground filter coffee. I made do with what was left over in the glass jars and it really wasn't enough. I could tell by the way the coffee smelled when it was done that it was weak, but I prepared for the worst and drank it anyway. Much to my relief, it wasn't as bad as I had feared and it is drinkable. It just doesn't carry the usual punch. An American would find this quite acceptable coffee.

Having completely run out of clean forks and plates and bowls, I finally got around to doing the dishes which I had been putting of. I knew I would get around to them today and had given myself that deadline. I let them soak in very hot soapy water first so I could mentally prepare myself to get ready to do them. I usually do need to warm up to the idea a bit. I can't suddenly do them out of the blue. I have to mentally picture myself doing them and talk myself into it. Then the job gets done easily because I'm less intimidated.

I also changed the bed and found a felt tipped pen under the fleece blanket that the dog had chewed to pieces. Needless to say, the ink had leaked all over the place and I hope it washes out in the laundry. The dog does secretly steal things during the night and isn't over the worst of his puppy behavior yet. When it comes to chewing on foreign objects, he's up there with the rest of them, even if he does have a rawhide bone. He'll simply ignore that if he can find something more interesting and forbidden. He knows that felt tipped pens are off limits. He does look guilty when I find him out. 

I enjoy changing the bed because it's so nice to sleep between clean sheets and it makes me look forward to going to bed at night. I do have my favorite duvet cover and it's being washed now. I think I need to go and buy some new ones and will have to go into town one of these days. Because I don't want to go alone, I will have to talk someone into going with me.  It's more fun to go shopping in someone else's company and to also go sit on a terrace and have a cup of coffee. There's nothing as awful as walking around downtown by yourself with your soul under your arm.

I've done two loads of laundry and feel very virtuous. The bathroom smells very good because of the washing powder and it's a pleasure to walk in there with the laundry drying on the clothing rack. I can't hang it outside because of the showers we are having today. It would smell even better if I had been able to do that. There's a stiff wind blowing and the laundry would have been dry quickly, but every once in a while it rains. It's not cold out and in the living room it is warm. I'm sitting here in a summer top and am not in the least chilled. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,
Irene

In the early evening...

In spite of the two cups of coffee I've had, I'm sitting here yawning as if I need to go to bed and take a nap. It is true that I didn't take one this afternoon, but I thought the caffeine took care of that. I just took a walk with the dog in the warm summery feeling air and I thought it was enough to wake me up. Instead it has half put me to sleep. 

I refuse to believe that I really can't do without my afternoon nap. I'm not quite that old yet, although it must be that some habits die hard and I have gotten used to this one. It does feel good to be a little sleepy and I'm not really complaining. At least the coffee hasn't made me wiry and jumpy, but then it seldom does. I probably wouldn't drink it if it did. 

Being in a mellow mood is just fine. It allows me to reflect on life without getting too excited about it. Of course, I saw my relaxation therapist today, so I'm bound to be more mellow because we did new exercises together. After I did a series of them lying down very comfortably, I could have gone to sleep on the spot and it took me some effort to get up again and start riding my bike home. 

By the time I got home, I was somewhat refreshed again and could finish doing the laundry which had to be hung up. It was my second load of the day and I did it with pleasure because it smelled so good thanks to the washing powder. I do like to get some rewards for my efforts and good smelling laundry is one of them. Especially if they are clothes I'm going to wear. They smell bad soon enough because I smoke. 

I've been talking to the dog a lot and it amazes me how much he understands. I don't know if he understands a complete sentence, but enough words anyway to know what I mean and to anticipate what is going to happen. He doesn't forget what I've told him and just waits patiently for me to get around to it. I think he's smarter than he lets me believe. He does hide his light under a bushel and pretends he's dumb sometimes. I think that's when it's convenient to him. 

Oh, I've got to watch the news.  Time to go.

Ciao,
Irene

Is there anything else?

I'm slightly discombobulated from having fallen asleep in my armchair. I had pulled the red fleece blanket over me because I was cold and before I knew it, I had nodded off. I slept sitting up like that for about an hour and woke up completely disoriented. It was a bit of an unusual place to take a nap, after all. I'm still yawning now after a cup of coffee and I'll have to have a second one before I really am awake.

I just peeled an apple for the dog and he ate it with much appetite. I secretly obeserved him eating it. It's so much fun to watch. He takes delicate bites and makes thoughtful crunching sounds when he chews. For a while, nothing in the world exists but that apple.

I've gotten a second cup of coffee and I'm starting to feel better now. I'm not quite as fuzzy as I was. Cups of coffee are so good for my mental health. If tea did the same thing I would drink it but I have not experienced the proof of it yet.

The afternoon is drawing to a close and we didn't see any sunshine all day. It has been dreary and cold. The wind was coming from the north-east today and that usually means it's colder. I've had the heater on for most of the day and even so I've been feeling chilled. I think I'm wearing enough clothes but that doesn't seem to help. 

If I really want to do something nice for myself, I'd change the bed and I think that's just what I'll do. It will be a treat to get under a clean duvet cover this evening. Besides, I've got that new good smelling washing powder and it does make the laundry smell good. It's great to have it drying on the clothes rack. 

My thumb is healing up quite nicely and doesn't hurt half as bad as it did yesterday. I can even use it a little bit if I'm careful. I'm very careful with the new paring knife now that I know how sharp it is. I treat it with the respect it deserves.

The Amstel Gold Race was taking place here this afternoon and there were helicopters in the air making lots of noise. It must have been a madhouse along the route. I didn't follow the race on television, although I usually do every year. I like to watch them climb the famous Cauberg. I've done it on foot many times and it's a real doozy.It does make your legs ache. 

I've got the perfect hairdo today. It's completely tousled but in place the way I want it to be. I achieved this by rubbing it with a towel and then roughly running my hands through it and applying hairspray. I bet I can sleep on it tonight and have it look the same way in the morning. I'll give it a try anyway. 

I hope you're all having a good Sunday. Too bad it's the last day of the weekend. 

Ciao,

Irene

Full of longing...

The headache that I thought was gone is back with a vengeance and I also have that pain in my neck again. They're both on the right side and all I can think is that it feels like a migraine but it's lasting an awful long time. I've made an appointment with the GP for tomorrow afternoon just to make sure I don't need an antibiotic or an antihistamine, although officially I'm not supposed to be allergic to anything. It is a bother and I don't like having to take paracetamol all the time. 

Other than that I'm in great shape. At least I am mentally and that counts for a lot in my book. To me that's the most important thing. I don't mind there being something physically wrong with me as long as I'm mentally okay. 

I saw my therapist today and I had a good session with her. There's always some work to be done and she doesn't make it easy on me. And I don't want her to. I don't want her to mollycoddle me. Let her make it as hard on me as she can. I need to be able to take a licking. 

Cutting down on the anti-psychotics has worked out well and isn't bothering me at all like you maybe would expect it to. Sometimes cutting down on a medicine is a problem and it doesn't go well. I no longer feel depressed and can enjoy the good weather. I would even more if I didn't have a headache. 

I don't feel the need for a nap this afternoon because I've also cut down on the tranquilizers and have more energy now. I don't feel like lying down all over the place. I've also had some coffee and that perked me up quite nicely.

The weather is great, although I've heard that it's going to be less so in a while. I haven't watched the weather forecast in a few days but it is said that the temperatures are going to drop a lot. That we're even going to need our winter coats. I'm not too pleased about that because it means that I'll have to close the windows and turn on the heater again. I was more than ready for it to be nice weather from this point on. 

The birds are singing in the trees as happily as they always do. They have their hearts set on springtime. It's a joy to listen to them. There's a large variety of them that all take their turn being noisy at different times of the day. I hope they are smart and stay out of the cat's way. I would hate for her to come home with one like she did last year. I didn't realize that she was such a hunter. 

The dog is lying on the floor in the light of the sun that's shining in through the windows. He is basking himself. It must feel glorious after the long winter of hardly any sunshine in the living room. I still have to make an appointment to get his fur trimmed. He looks like a wooly mammoth now. All he needs are a couple of baby tusks. He already has the large ears. 

I've got to go do a load of laundry and change the bed. It is time for clean sheets. I have a longing for them. I hope my head can stand me bending over to change them. It will be worth the sacrifice and to go to bed tonight in a clean bed. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Sleep may be overrated.

I ought to be going back to bed now, but I'll attempt to write a post. I'll see if I have it in me. I've stopped drinking coffee some time ago, so I may not be alert enough for it. I may not quite have the thinking capacities to pull it off. I'll start on this post and see where it leads me. I may have to delete it somewhere down the line, but you will not be any wiser for it. 

I've sat here for quite a long time already. The nighttime hours have been slowly ticking away and it is almost morning. Well, optimistically speaking it is. If it were summertime, it would be getting light soon. Unfortunately it is not, so I can let that whole idea fly out the window. It is almost time to take my medicines and I'm drinking my second glass of ice cold milk. It isn't making me burp too bad for a change. Miracles never cease. 

When I get up again in the morning, I'm very leisurely going to drink a cup of coffee before I walk the dog. He can do his first piddle out back. Then all I have to do is hang up a load of clean laundry and that is a fun chore. But first I plan to sleep late or as long as the dog will let me. He usually isn´t too impatient in the morning and knows I need a little bit of time. We´ve become adjusted to each other´s schedules. 

It´s with some amount of satisfaction that I look forward to the day because it will be very laid back. I will see my sister this afternoon, but for the most part my time will be filled with leisurely activities. Getiing dressed well and applying my make up properly will be some of them. I´m really going to take my time getting them right. I will spend some quality time with myself. I will also annoint my skin with delicious smelling cremes. 

Which reminds me that I´m in dire need of a good perfume. I haven´t had one for a long time and in the recent past have had to do with some inferior ones. I hope the Glossy Box brings a solution in the form of samples. That´s what I´m really looking forward to. Well, amongst other things.

I´ve got to go to bed. I´m also in dire need of sleep. I´ve got to get the rest of it before the day really starts. I´m yawning already. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

A day in the life...

It's probably not such a good idea to try to write a post when you don't have much of a story to tell. The result could be a very boring account of your day. Still, it's worth a try and maybe something good will come of it. 

I have the urge to write anyway and I can always hit the delete button when I think it's all a bunch of nonsense that I've written. I've hit the delete button many times before. I think lately I delete more than I publish. 

In some ways it's been an enervating day, but things happened with other people that I can't share yet. I've been sworn to secrecy and they are stories that I have to keep to myself. Maybe I'll be able to tell you about them later. Let's just say that my day was interesting and gave me food for thought. 

I also had to go to the vet to get flea repellent for the cat and the dog. The cat had gotten into a fight with another neighborhood cat and had gotten wounded and fleas at the same time. Her wounds have almost healed, but she shared the fleas with the dog. 

I've treated the dog, that was no problem, but I'm going to need the Exfactor's help tomorrow to treat the cat. I can't do her singlehandedly because she will put up a fight. I know this from past experience. She thinks anything like that is scary and weird. 

Whereas the dog doesn't bat an eye. He's already stopped scratching. It's like he knows the treatment is to his benefit and he stands perfectly still, even without a reward. I forget how awfully good he can be at times. He can be the most obedient dog when he puts his mind to it. 

I've been doing laundry non stop. That's because I put the new duvet on my bed and changed the sheets also. I washed the old duvet and will keep it as a spare. I was fortunate in that I could hang it outside to dry because today the sun was shining. 

It was not a strong sun and it was kind of cold outside, but at least it was a cheerful day. Laundry doesn't dry well under these conditions. It does better inside on the clothes rack with the heater on. The sheets and pillowcases do dry very quickly. 

I still have the windows open for a large part of the day, but by the middle of the afternoon I get cold. Even with an extra cardigan on I shiver and I close the windows and turn on the heater. I luxuriate in the warmth. 

Now that I have the new and warmer duvet on my bed, I can sleep with the bedroom window open. That way condensation doesn't build up on the window and drip on the windowsill. Because there's single pane glass back there, that was a bit of a problem. 

I told you that this was going to turn into a boring account of my day. Well, I'll publish it anyway. At least it's harmless. 

I hope you'll all have a good evening. 

Ciao,

Nora

Stealing the early hours of the morning....

I'm ever so content sitting here rather early in the morning with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes. I've got a half way decent day to look forward to and there's not much that can get in the way of my good mood and me, except that it will be raining today. 

Hopefully it will mostly be a drizzle like it was yesterday when it only rarely rained straight forward. I walked the dog in it and we did get wet, but it was no disaster. The dog got mostly damp on the bottom half from the wet grass he walked through. 

Luckily, there weren't any puddles for him to wade through because that's his favorite thing to do. He doesn't care if he gets wet. He's totally indifferent, so I think he must be related to a duck. 

The cat came in last night dappled in rain drops and I was afraid to pet her in case I made it worse. She sat on my lap and slowly dried and by the time I was ready to go to bed her fur was completely dried up again. 

She did very cozily find her warm spot to sleep on the bed. No doubt she had not enjoyed getting wet very much, knowing cats in general. Possibly she had been surprised by a shower while she was out. 

The leaves are starting to fall off the trees and I've already had to sweep the patio once. This turned out to be not too bad of a job and I was done in no time. If I do it once a week I will keep it under control and I won't feel like I'm overwhelmed. 

No doubt, one week the leaves will decide to fall off all at once and I'll have my work cut out for me.

For as cold and dreary as it is now, that's how warm it is going to be tomorrow with temperatures in the 80's. It will call for completely different clothes and I will have to put my cowboy boots back in the closet for a day or so. We've had these odd Saturdays of hot weather off and on.

Some weather god must smile on us during the weekends and feel that we deserve good weather at least then. 

I've done a lot of laundry this week and it amazes me how much of it one person can produce. I'm almost caught up. It's only the capacity of the drying rack that slows me down. 

I change my bed a lot, so I always have a lot of sheets to wash. They take up a lot of space. The outside clothesline is unavailable because of the rain, which is a shame because sun dried sheets smell the best. I imagine I sleep better between them. 

I've got to take my morning dose of medicines and go back to bed for a while. I'm not quite done sleeping yet. No doubt I'll be woken up by the Exfactor when he gets here this morning. I'll have coffee with him and that will leave me time to do the dishes before the domestic help gets here. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Hurray for coffee!

Finally, after having been deprived for more than 24 hours, I got to drink coffee again after the Exfactor went to the store for me this afternoon. I could have kissed his whole bald head, but I don't think he would have appreciated that, so I just thanked him from the bottom of my heart.

I tell you, drinking tea just does not do it for me and I sit in a stupor and never get my act together. I think it is the influence of the medication that makes it so. It must be a side effect that makes me feel so lethargic. 

When the Exfactor walked in with the coffee, I made a pot as quickly as I could and poured us both a cup as soon as it was ready. After I had the first cup, I started feeling ever so much better. It was a difference between night and day and my whole mood improved. I could finally smile again.

It's very important that I don't run out of coffee again and at someone else's good suggestion, I'm going to put instant coffee on my shopping list for emergencies. Not that I like the flavor of it that much, but really, it will be the caffeine that I'll care about. That's what I'm going to need the most.

Today is another warm and sunny day, but I'm not making the mistake of taking the dog for another long walk like I did yesterday. Inside the apartment it's fairly cool and the dog has found the best place to lie down and be comfortable. I'm sure he would not appreciate a walk in the hot sun now. Neither would I, no matter how skimpily dressed I am. I'll wait until this evening when it has cooled down a bit. 

I've still got to do some chores, but for some reason I'm not concerned about doing them at all. When I was depressed, these sort of things bothered me very much and I was always very worried about them and about getting them done. Now they seem so unimportant and like they are no problem at all. They are things that are easily done. I suppose that's a true measure of the state of my mind. 

Lots of things weigh a lot lighter now and what I was worried about before, I'm not concerned about one bit now. A big load has fallen off my shoulders. I feel that I have all sorts of breathing space and a bigger sense of freedom. It's okay to be me again. Without me being acutely aware of it, my depression has disappeared like snow under the sun. The black dog is no longer stalking me.

I suppose I should be immensely grateful for that and I am. It's all because of two extra pills that saved my life. And I mean that literally. I now have a future again and another thirty years to live. 

I have to go and change my bed and do a load of laundry. A clean bed will make me look forward to going to sleep tonight. I have clean pajamas too, which makes it even better.

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Sunday, early in the morning...

Apparently, I've slept long enough because I'm up bright eyed and bushy tailed, having my cups of coffee and feeling wide awake and ready to start the day. How this situation came about I don't quite know myself either, but I'll enjoy the moment while I can. I hope it lasts more than a moment, as a matter of fact. I hope the feeling lasts for the rest of the day because that would make me one happy camper. 

I'm still sitting here in my pajamas and the animals are sound asleep in various spots in the living room. It's too early for them to start the day. They are used to me getting up much later than this. I don't mind the temporary peace and quiet this gives me. At least I don't have to get into action yet and toss balls and pour dishes of milk. I do it with love, but sometimes I like a time out. 

It was raining when I got up and rain is predicted for the rest of the day. I really don't mind too much, except that I do have to go out in it this afternoon when I'm going to see my sister and her friend. I do know which outfit I'm going to wear today and it's something completely different than what I have been wearing. 

For a change I'm not going to be wearing one of my pairs of skinny jeans. I think the novelty of them has worn off by now and I'm ready to wear some of my other clothes. I'm ready to wear a dress again. I do first have to clean up all the clothes I've been wearing this past week and that are lying around in the bathroom. 

It's not as if I haven't got an organized closet to put them in and there's always laundry to do. Things can easily get washed if they're needed to. I've got about two loads to do and I will do them today. At least I'm in the mood for them. They will not be a horrible chore that I'm not looking forward to. In my present mood, I can handle laundry. Besides, it's usually one of my more favorite jobs. 

It's not very cold in here but I had to put my bathrobe on nevertheless. I think it is because it's so damp that it feels colder. We won't have any sunshine at all today and it will feel like fall out there. That means it's going to be dark in the living room and I will have to turn some lights on to make it cozy. 

I think I will get into action now and start cleaning up my clothes. At least I know that I won't run out of hangers. I've got enough of them. There's enough space on my shelves too since the purge. 

I hope you'll all have a good Sunday, although with a little bit of sunshine. 

Ciao,

Nora

Moodiness and coffee...

For some reason I woke up at a normal time this morning. I mean that I woke up at a time when other people do also. I didn't stay in bed until almost noon. This was so unusual, that I hardly knew what to do with myself, but I was wide awake. I hardly needed any coffee to get myself together either, I was quite capable of functioning on my own.

Needless to say, the dog and I went out for an early walk and that was quite pleasant because the weather was beautiful while there was still dew on the grass. We took a longer walk and took twice as long to take it because the dog had to sniff literally everywhere. It must have been because all the scents were fresh and new. So we dawdled a lot and took our time going home.

Once home again, I did little jobs to keep myself busy and out of trouble. I needed to keep myself occupied. As a consequence, I did every bit of laundry that I could find in the apartment and then some. If there was the remotest chance that something was dirty, it went in the washing machine until it was full and I could run it. 

Luckily, at one point the Exfactor showed up and I thought that would provide some diversion. However, all he wanted to do was tell me which films he showed and how many he changed in a night and how many he put together and took apart. No matter which subject I broached, it came back down to that. I'm having some serious doubts about him. 

Anyway, I sent him on his way with a shopping list and that went fine. He never forgets anything, but when he came back I was seriously yawning. I don't know if that was because of the conversation we'd had or because of the lack of sleep. 

After I unloaded the groceries and had one more cup of coffee with the Exfactor, I went to bed to take a nap and slept the whole afternoon. I woke up somewhat befuddled and in need of coffee, which I made immediately. I thought I was going to be in a very bad mood, but now that I've had the coffee, I'm in much better shape.

I haven't watched the news yet and I have no idea of what's going on in the world today. I feel badly informed and am going to have to watch the 8 o'clock news. I do know that Italy and Spain are paying too much interest on their debts. I did catch that on the radio. At this rate, we're going to be lending money to Italy too. It's a doomsday scenario. 

First I've got to take the dog for a walk. Dark clouds are moving in and it wouldn't surprise me if we got a rain shower. 

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Three dimensional...

I went to bed after watching the Norwegian thriller that was on last night, but I was unable to go to sleep. I laid in bed for a while staring at the ceiling, trying to get comfortable and in the right frame of mind to doze off, but I was unsuccessful. I felt every wrinkle and fold in the sheets. 

After an hour and a half I gave up and got up and put my bathrobe on and decided to stay up for a while and try to go to sleep again later. I think I have to be more tired than I am now. Apparently I'm not yawning enough and the sleep medication is not working. After I've had this coffee, I'll drink a glass of warm milk. 

I didn't realize that the thriller I was going to watch last night was Norwegian, it didn't say anything about it in the on line TV guide. I just noticed that the language was different than Swedish because I had a harder time understanding it. Somewhere along the line I found out it was taking place in Bergen on the west coast of Norway. 

It was a good thriller and it was still a recognizable language, but I really had to pay attention. I don't think I can learn more than one Scandinavian language at the time. I hope the next one is Swedish again like the one the night before was. Of course, a British one would be good too. There'd be no trouble understanding it. But thank goodness for subtitles. 

It's still in the middle of the night, but I count this as being Monday already. The weekend is over and I'm sorry about that. I could use another day off. I've got one more load of laundry to do, although I did one yesterday, though it's not dry yet. It's taking up space on the drying rack in the bathroom. 

I changed the bed, but that didn't help me fall asleep. I always look forward to going to sleep between clean sheets, but this time the trick didn't work. 

I think I have stress about tomorrow because I don't want it to be Monday. It's not my favorite day of the week. You could say that it's my least favorite day because I hardly have any privacy and the day seems so long. I do get a clean apartment, but that's the most that can be said about the day. 

I'm sure lots of people don't enjoy their Mondays. After all, it's the first day after the weekend and time to get back to work. It must be hard on everyone. I'd be curious to know how many grumpy people there are first thing Monday morning. Or are you all ready and roaring to go? 

I'm starting to yawn and that's a good sign. I'll be able to go to bed shortly. I just need to be tired enough to look forward to it. 

I hope you're all having a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Those rotten chores...

I've done my chores and the washing machine is churning away so I don't have to feel bad about sitting here and taking the time to write this. I've even done my administration and ordered new food for the dog on line. Yes, I have done my duties and didn't have a nervous breakdown. 

I only was in danger of having one for half a minute and then I dared it to. I faced it head on and decided it wasn't going to get to me. That I was stronger than it and that I was not in need of a tranquilizer simply because I had a number of stressful activities to take care of. 

I proved to be right. Opening the mail and facing possible bad news was not half as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was what it was, unpleasant. They wanted my money. I dislike that intensely, but it doesn't help if I have a breakdown over it.

In my spare moments I watched tennis at Roland Garros. There were some Dutch people playing and they needed my attention, not that it helped. We don't do all that great, not when faced with formidable opponents like Kim Klijsters and Marty Fish. It was fun to watch anyway and they were nice moments to have a cup of coffee and a cigarette.

I couldn't finish watching any of the matches, so I don't know how they ended. I had to do my chores and walk the dog in the windy day. There are rain clouds, but no rain has fallen out of them yet.

The dog had been stealing the potholders off their hook in the kitchen and playing with them. They had drool all over them and they're in the washing machine now. He has also been stealing the magnetic little animals off the refrigerator and I found them throughout the apartment. I put them up high, but he still got to them. 

It's a completely new activity for him that he's just discovered. Stealing things from the kitchen. I suppose that up till now, it was just a place to go eat and he hadn't really explored it properly. I guess next will be the dishtowels. I've got to go to the pet shop and buy him some new indestructible toys. He wrecked his rubber rabbit to the point that I had to toss it out. 

He really enjoyed tearing that rabbit apart and it took him a long time. It was worth the price I paid for it. I may get one like it again. It was the best toy we've had so far. 

I've got to put away the dishes and hang up the clean laundry. I'm glad the day is almost over. I have to walk the dog one more time and then I'm going to put on clean pajamas and vegetate in front of the television. I may even read my book. It will be an evening spent leisurely with the minimum amount of activity. 

You wouldn't have thought that officially this was my day off. I had no appointments today and nobody coming over. 

I hope you're all having a good day with the kind of weather you most want. 

Ciao,

Nora

 

On a cloudy day...

I've just woken up from an afternoon nap and I'm drinking my second cup of coffee. It is very necessary that I have the caffeine as I'm incapable of thinking clearly without it. Or so I've told myself anyway. 

I'm slowly becoming more clearheaded, but I should say that I'm getting a better mood. That would be more accurate. Why call things by any other name? I was a grouch before. A muddleheaded grouch.

It's not as though I have to pretend that I never get in a bad mood, do I? It can't all be moonshine and roses. 

I'm dressed in warm clothes as today is a chilly day. It was fun choosing what to wear, but I didn't pick anything adventurous. I went with a safe and sane outfit. Anyone would want to be seen in public with me, that's how ordinary I look. 

My closet is so bare now, that it's easy to choose clothes. Plus, I've got a trove of empty hangers. They are all good ones and I will save all of them. Doubtlessly, they will be used again some time in the future. I'm saying this optimistically, but I already had a stash of hangers in the bottom of the closet. 

I just remembered some clothes I have on the shelves that I have not looked at yet. No doubt they will need to get washed and ironed. I haven't worn them in ages. They should fit me well now. Ha, that will be a fun job to go and do. One load of laundry coming up. 

*

I just walked the dog around the fields. It wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be and wearing my cardigan sufficed. It looked like it was going to rain and it has been predicted. Some rain would do us a world of good. Things are very dry and dusty. 

There are mostly buttercups and daisies now. All the dandelions that had gone to seed have been blown away. The clover is disappearing again, but I think it must be because of the dryness. It must need more water. 

Well, I must get to work on those clothes. Lord only knows what I'll find there. It will be a journey of discovery. The last time I looked through them I was quite a bit heavier. 

Have a good day. I hope your weather treats you well. 

Ciao,

Nora

A load off my mind...

I'm sitting here drinking coffee after I woke up from a nap in the dark and cool bedroom. It was most pleasant and I had an interesting dream in which I remembered the name of a medication that I want to ask my GP about. I just googled it and it exists here. I haven't used it in 18 years, but it's a most helpful one for a woman in her middle aged years. I can't wait to get it now. It's Metamucil, orange flavored. If it hadn't been for that dream, I wouldn't have remembered the name. 

The cat got a new flavor cat food. I was afraid that she wasn't going to like it as I tossed out what was left over of her old one and poured the new one into her bowl. However, she went for it immediately and has been chowing down on it ever since. She apparently does not have very discriminate tastes. I'm hoping that she'll continue to like this new one because it comes in a much larger, more economical bag that closes airtight.

The dog acts like he is jealous of her new food while I know in my heart that he has no interest in it whatsoever. It's just the newness of it that appeals to him. Besides, he always thinks that he has to be in on everything thats new and available. Luckily, the cat eats her food on the kitchen counter, well away from the dog, so she is safe. She does always leave behind many footprints that I constantly have to wipe away, especially when it is rainy and they are muddy.

We are expecting a shower tomorrow afternoon, but I won't hold my breath for it. Such things have been predicted in the past without actually coming about. We're having a bit of a heatwave right now, though the temperatures are still bearable. It's 81F right now, which is warm for the time of year. It's only May, after all.  Oh, and I saw my first red poppies growing. What a sight. 

Today was a nice enough day. Nothing spectacular happened. It was just a plain ordinary day that went by quickly. I did laundry and an extra load to get an opportunity to wash my bathrobe which was due for it. It was full of stains and very grubby. I would have been embarrassed to be seen in it. Luckily, I very seldom am. I don't get caught off guard that often. 

I wore my Capri leggings and a cotton tank top and my sandals. It was as summery as I could get. That's the least amount of clothes I'll wear in public. It is funny to go out so skimpily dressed. You feel like you've not got enough clothes on. Fortunately, you notice that everyone else is similarly dressed.

Well, I've got to take the dog for a walk. It is that time of day again. I've also got to take my medicines. If I want to stay sound of mind, I better not forget that. I hope you're all having a good day and that the weather is treating you well. 

Ciao,

Nora

Smelling the coffee...

It's in the middle of the night and I have slept enough for now. I don't want to waste anymore time doing it until the morning when it will be Saturday and I will have more than enough time for it. I'm not expecting any people to come over or packages to be delivered like there were yesterday. The domestic help and the Exfactor were here and the package of books that I ordered arrived, causing dents in my otherwise peaceful day. I didn't have the long, languid days that I had on Wednesday and Thursday, when there was nobody here and I could do as I pleased and I got more accomplished in the end.

True, my apartment is very clean and I'm all set for the weekend, except for a load of laundry that needs to be hung up to dry and some more dishes that need to get done, as always. That's a never ending battle because I do eat and dirty them. I keep an eagle's eye on the growing amount of them so they don't get out of hand and become an overwhelming stack. It's like the laundry, the minute there's a full load, I have to wash it so I always stay on top of things. There's a full load quickly when I change the bed. My sheets are getting worn out from washing them and I will soon have to invest in new ones. 

The books that got here have found their place on the bookcase ready to be read when I finish the one I'm reading. They take up a bit of space because one of them is a big, fat paperback. It will take me some time to get through that one. It's with some amount of trepidation that I look at it. The others are more normal sized and less intimidating. I also have small books on my bookcase that I could read in a short amount of time, but I've not been interested in them yet. I guess I'm still looking for a bit of a challenge, but I may want to read them as a break from the bigger ones. I may give that a try. I have a bunch of those by Edna O'Brien, but they are a completely different genre than what I'm reading now. I have to give that some thought. 

There's not much else on the program today. The Exfactor went to the tobacco shop for me yesterday, saving me the trip over there today. I did miss out on a chocolate bar, but I have chocolate pudding. I've been having cravings for meatballs and pork chops and bacon at night before I go to bed and look through the cupboards and the refrigerator to no avail to find something that will take care of my craving instead. I must be in need of protein and have to find a way to get more of it in my diet. It's very hard to be on an all vegetarian diet and I know I'm not getting all the nutrients I should. I think my body is telling me something. 

It's going to be 24C (75F) today. It's a fluke because tomorrow it's going to be a lot cooler again. We'll just happen to be in a high pressure system today. I won't know how to dress. It's been a long time since it's been so warm. I won't worry about it just now, though. I'm going back to bed to sleep some more. When I wake up later in the morning, I'll see how warm it is outside and I'll know which clothes to put on. 

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Lanterfanting...

I had the best of intentions this morning. I wanted to take the dog for a long walk and get started on my chores. I figured that after a good night's sleep, I would be more than capable of doing such things that were after all quite simple. All they required were a little bit of goodwill and some energy. 

Well, it turns out that the latter is what I was short of once I had gotten dressed. Suddenly I felt pooped and not at all able to carry off my tasks. It seemed that I had lead in my legs and the thought of going for a long walk just defeated me. I didn't think I could pull it off. Apparently I didn't have the energy that I thought I had woken up with in the morning.

Nevertheless, I set off with the best of intentions, willing to give it a try, but after we had walked for a while and it was time to choose which direction to go in, I chose the direction that led home again. It was with much relief that I walked into the apartment. I fed the dog and fixed myself something to eat, hoping that it would restore my strength and take away the tired feeling and then I had a cup of coffee, hoping that it would keep me awake.

The last thing I want to do is go back to bed and mess up my schedule, but I do feel a touch wobbly and like I need more sleep. I'm fighting off the feeling now and telling myself that if I drink enough coffee, it will go away. All I have to do is try and stay as alert as possible. It's a bit like having jet lag and having to adjust to a new time zone. I will try and save up my need for sleep until tonight when I can sleep as long as I want. With the combination of the old and the new sleeping pills, I should be able to sleep well. 

I have to do my chores, but I don't quite feel up to them yet. I have to gather the  wherewithal to do them. I know what I have to do, but the lead isn't out of my arms and legs yet and I'm yawning something awful. I am determined to get them done and I hope that in doing them, I will wake up more and regain my energy. I have to do laundry, for one thing, and I hope that the smell of washing powder will revitalize me.  I'll inhale deeply over the box. 

*****

The Exfactor was just here for coffee and conversation and it has quite perked me up. It was like I stood under a waterfall of fresh water and I'm completely woken up. We talked about interesting things and had several cups of coffee and the dog was the cause of much diversion too. Isn't it funny how you can become enlivened by the presence of another person? I guess it has to be the right person. Someone who is perky enough themselves, which the Exfactor definitely is. He is a most talkative  guy and never short of subjects. 

The best part was that I got another package of clothes and I had sort of forgotten what I had ordered, being not quite in my right mind when I did. I had completely forgotten about that package arriving this afternoon. To my great surprise it also contained a cute little summery cardigan, which I decided to wear right away because the weather is perfect for it. I'm amazed by my own choice of it and should order these kinds of things more often in that kind of mood, although not being in my right mind is not a preferable state to be in. It does go with the many shades of color life comes in. It causes surprises. 

Now I'm more than ready to continue with the rest of the day. I can take the dog for another walk and do my chores. I feel quite up to it. I will even do the dreaded dishes, which I still think should be replaced with disposable ones. I don't think the ecologist in me will get away with it, though. Besides, I'd have too much trash. I do feel responsible for my share of the landfill. It's very difficult to be irresponsible nowadays. It must have been much easier to live in the 50's.

Have a good day!

Ciao,

Nora

On a cold Friday...

For a change it's a not so beautiful day today. It is overcast and cold and I've had to turn up the thermostat after airing the apartment earlier. We were promised sunshine later this afternoon, but the cloud cover is still in place and it looks like it's not going anywhere soon. That's too bad, because things always look much more cheerful when the sun is shining. Actually, right now it looks like it's going to rain and, although I would not mind that so much, I would prefer some brightness in the living room and not have to sit here with the lights on.

The domestic help has been here and has cleaned the place and it smells of cleaning products in here. She's even done the dishes, which I'm grateful for. There weren't that many and I'm surprised she did them. I don't dirty that many dishes by myself and have the tendency to use the same ones a few times, at least the glasses and the cups. I don't like doing the dishes and wish to spare anyone the job of doing them. There's nothing worse then seeing a stack of dishes on the kitchen counter, no matter how neatly they're arranged.

My newly ordered denim skirt got here this afternoon and after the domestic help left, I got the chance to try it on. It fits perfectly and I was just guessing as to the size. It's a mini skirt, but not too short, so I don't look ridiculous. It fits very comfortably, so it's nice to wear. I've got it on right now and I have lots of things to wear with it.  I have to dress warmly today, because when I walked Tyke, I needed two layers of clothes under my black leather jacket. I do have to keep in mind that it's only February and that it's normal for it to be chilly. 

I slept until 11 o'clock this morning. I woke up a few times before that, but all those times I wasn't ready to get up. I couldn't quite face the day until I was completely done sleeping. When I got up, I had two leisurely cups of coffee before I got dressed and did my chores. There's nothing nicer than sitting in my armchair taking the time to get my head together. I feel it slowly happening and after the second cup I'm ready to tackle anything. I do play ball with Tyke while I sit there, but it doesn't require much effort. All I have to do is aim right so I don't hit the furniture. 

The afternoon is going by quickly. It is time to finish doing my chores before the news comes on. I did a big load of laundry that I have to hang up to dry and I want to change my bed so going to sleep tonight will be extra nice. 

Have a good evening, everyone!

Ciao,

Nora

An early morning tale...

I am sat here with my usual cup of coffee and I find myself quite contend. I feel that there's not much that can go wrong now this early in the morning before the day has properly started. I'm still yawning a little bit, but another cup of coffee will take care of that. It's nice to be up and sit here and enjoy the early hours of the day. All is quiet around me and the animals are asleep. 

I feel like minor royalty in her realm, as if I'm the head of a very small state in which only I rule. All my subjects are sound asleep and all is well with the state of affairs. Oh no, I don't have visions of grandeur. Only the need to have peace and quiet in my life.  What better way to achieve that than to be in charge. It's only a very small kingdom I rule. 

My Wednesday personal helper is going to be here this morning and I must take a shower before she gets here. It will be nice to get that out of the way and to be clean and refreshed. I will have to put on some clean clothes and I will have to magically make an outfit appear out of the closet. No doubt I am capable of that. I always manage to come up with something.

In about an hour and a half I will take my medicines. I've cut my anti-psychotics down by half and starting this Friday, I will have cut down my anti-depressives by a third. My psychiatrist thinks this is doable. We're going to keep me at these doses for a while and see how I do on them before we make any more changes. We're going to cut down the anti-depressives more before we do anything else with the anti-psychotics. I feel good so far and I have a lot more energy. I'm not so sleepy and lethargic during the day.

Since today is Wednesday, I don't have an awful lot to do. It will be a fairly quiet day, but those are welcome too. It turned out that I did have a load of laundry to do, as I pulled some clothes out of my closet that needed washing. I'm going to change the sheets on my bed and that will make going to bed tonight an extra pleasure, although it always is. That's one thing I look forward to every night. Going to bed and listening to the radio while I fall asleep.

Maybe today I will get a chance to sit down and read my book, something that I've found impossible to do lately. I've felt that I've been too distracted to give it the proper attention. Since I've stopped reading in bed at night, I've found it hard to sit down in my armchair during the day and do it. Something is always pulling my attention away from it, if not my own thoughts that meander all over the place, but nowhere important. It's a very good book filled with interesting details and really requires me to sit down and give it my full attention, which is something I can't seem to do now, but I'm going to give it  a try today. 

My bookcase is filled with good books that I still need to read if I ever get around to them. I end up sitting in my chair and daydreaming about nothing in particular at all. None of my thoughts are very deep and heavy and I'm not solving any of the world's problems. I just let my mind wander and touch down here and there like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower. It's the most uncomplicated way to spend time. I'm glad I'm relieved of thinking depressing thoughts that weigh down heavily on my shoulders. That's all behind me now. I've passed that stage. 

Well, I'm going to read some blogs until it's time to make my move. The day is young yet. The sun won't be up for awhile. I'm switching to cold milk. I've had enough coffee. I'm very thirsty and it will be most welcome. 

Have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

In the niddle of it...

I'm in the middle of doing chores and really don't have the time to sit down and write a post, but while the washing machine is churning away, I figured I could ignore the dishes and sit here for a bit. I can see the dishes from where I'm sitting behind the computer and I'm glancing at them as I write. I will not be intimidated by them. There are not that many of them and I'll have them done in no time. I'm saying this with all the courage I have in me at the moment and that is more than I had earlier in the day when I was more cowardly. 

I've done some chores already and did them more speedily than I had anticipated. I'm more efficient than I thought I was. Apparently I had put enough thought into it ahead of time that I went to work in an organized fashion and got them done in the shortest amount of time. Either that or I had them blown up in my mind to a size that was completely out of proportion to their actual size. I think the latter must have been the most true. I do worry about things ahead of time too much. 

I had one single sock in the dry laundry, but I know where the other one is. Tyke had stolen it and used it as a security blanket. It had floated around the living room for a few days. He had not chewed any holes in it and I finally took it away from him and put it in the next load of laundry. I'll have to give him an old sock that smells like me. I don't really know if I have one. He'll have to wait until I truly have an old sock. Maybe the next time I have a hole in the toe of one, but my socks seem so sturdy. They are industrial strength socks. 

I'm slowly reorganizing the bookcase in the bedroom and finding new places for all the things that Tyke shows the least bit of interest in. It means getting rid of things too. A lot of it is paperwork that needs to be better organized and it's a good reason to do that. I need to make a box with vital documents and have those safe in a cabinet where they are also handy. I used to have them in a file system, but it has fallen apart due to old age. You always have to decide what to keep for posterity and what can just go. It's also important to stay in the here and now. 

Tyke purposely rolls his tennis ball under the sofa and then stands beside it and barks so that I have to get the African walking stick and get the ball out from underneath. He's a little stinker. I saw him do the same thing with the ball and the CD rack. He'd get it stuck underneath there and couldn't get it out without my help, but he pushed it underneath there himself on purpose. He really made the effort to. That dog is much smarter than I give him credit for. 

Every time I think the washing machine is done, it goes and does something else. European washing machine sure take their time to run through all the cycles and I put it on a short program too. I want to dry the laundry tonight so that I can change my bed again soon. I have a shortage of pillow cases, because I use four at the time and I can't find the right size unless I go to Ikea. I haven't been there in a long time and I should talk my sister into going. 

I discovered the window in the spare bedroom was open and had been open for god knows how long. It does explain why it was getting so cold in here so quickly. One of the domestic helps must have opened it and I have a suspicion which one it was. I kept feeling a draft by my legs when I sat behind the computer, but I thought it was because of the cat flap. Since I closed it, it is a lot warmer in here and the heater hasn't gone on all day. It goes to show you how much energy I could have saved. I'm glad I discovered it before it got really cold again tonight. I would have turned up the heater with it open and have been none the wiser.

I think the washing machine is done and I will go hang up the laundry. It's dark outside and time to turn on the lights. It's time to be cozy and cuddle the animals. 

Have a good evening!

Ciao,

Nora