Happy on a Saturday...

For a change, I slept the whole night again. That was such a nice thing to happen. No waking up in the very wee hours of the morning and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I could tell by the way the trees cast shadows on the blind that it was a decent time to get up. I made sure I was all done sleeping, in case there was something left in my body, but then Tyke snuggled very close and made breathing almost impossible so I had to get up. He does have all that woolly fur that gets in your nose and your mouth.

So, now I'm sitting here with my second cup of coffee and I'm slowly getting myself together. I watched a wonderfully gruesome "Silent Witness" last night and I'm surprised that I wasn't scared to go to bed and sleep on my own. I guess I don't scare as easily as I thought. As soon as the program was over, I put all thought of it out of my head. And when I say gruesome, I really mean it.

Yesterday was a nice day. The weather was warm, though there was a pleasant breeze, and the sun was shining all day. Tyke and I ended the day by going to my sister's garden and watering all the potted plants there. All the plants looked good, though, and they don't seem to have suffered from the hot weather. All the blossoms were lively and bright.

The day started with a visit from the Exfactor and he was kind enough to go to the store and buy me some ice cream. Oh yum, that was so delicious, but I don't want anymore now, because it's very dangerous to have in the freezer. When I know it's there, I hear it call my name. I have no self control at all. I'm an ice cream addict and I better not have it around me. It will cause me to gain a kilo or two. I should never have food in the apartment that I like a lot.

My personal helper got here next and while she was here I cleaned out two drawers of the dresser and found numerous photographs of whose existence I did not know. It means that I will have to get several photo albums. Well, several may not do it. Quite a few, actually. It depends on the kind I get. I threw some things away too in a trash bag that I will add to as I clean out the rest of the drawers. At least I know what's in the first two drawers now. I simplified the contents quite a bit. I even found some pieces of embroidery that I can work on when I get in that mood again. I had quite forgotten about them and haven't done that kind of work in a long time.

The personal helper and I took Tyke for a walk in the warm sunshine and she tried her best to keep up with us. I have to make sure Tyke doesn't walk too fast. He walks through the tall bits of grass and weeds and is always covered by pollen, but I seem to be over my allergies completely and am not bothered the least bit.

Just as the personal helper was about to leave, the domestic help got here and merrily set off to work with a bucket of suds. She spent a lot of time cleaning what I thought was a clean bathroom and then told me that the bathroom was coming along well. She must know something I don't and see dirt that I don't see. I always clean up after myself real well when I have showered or used the wash basin. I think I leave the bathroom behind spotlessly, but I guess I don't. She then dusted the apartment and hoovered and mopped the floors and was one whir of activity. I feel her back ache when I see her at work. She's amazing.

Today I have to do the dishes and hang up a load of laundry to dry and possibly change my bed. I do want to start using that new washing powder as soon as possible, but I have to use up the old one first. Waste not, want not. If I change my bed, I'll have another load of laundry to do and I can hang it up outside to dry. That brings me closer to using the new washing powder. Oh, for Pete's sake. I'll just use it anyway and throw out the old one. There's just a little bit left. Things you can get worried about, really. Talk about taking it to an extreme.

Alright, that's all settled then. I'm putting clean sheets on the bed and that will be nice for tonight. Yesterday afternoon I took a nap on the sofa. It was very pleasant, but I worried about not being able to sleep at night. Well, I need not have worried about that, because I slept very well. I think I will have another nap this afternoon. I feel in my bones that there is one coming up. Never let it be said that you can have enough sleep on any given day. There's always a good time for a nap. Eight hours of sleep is not enough. I need at least two more.

Have a great day.

Ciao,
Nora

Climbing to the top....

It's early in the morning again. I've had my cup of coffee and answered my emails. It's with great pleasure that I do. It keeps me in touch with so many people. Tyke is lying by my feet after thinking initially that great things were going to happen when we got up. He had to go out and be petted and have a rawhide bone and be fed and be petted some more, but now he's settled down again. I guess he realized it was to early to really start the day. I'm not quite ready for that yet. I do need some more coffee before I'm completely functioning.

So, I've just made myself another cup and I'm ready for a good chat about nothing important at all. That has to be possible too. I suppose I will just rattle on about whatever comes up in my head and tell you about that. My coffee tastes very good and strong and it is a joy to drink. It puts hair on your chest, although in my case that's not the required effect. It would look funny, all that chest hair sticking out above my bra. Nevertheless, the coffee packs a punch. Besides, even with men the smooth look is in and men aren't supposed to have chest hair now. I wonder if George Clooney does? I'm not that intimate with him. Somebody inform me.

Today I have a busy day. The Exfactor is going to get here first. He called me on the phone yesterday and asked me if I would need anything at the store and I said, "Well, now that you mention it, I do have a craving for ice cream." That made him laugh wickedly and he said that he would see what he could do about that. I want chocolate covered ice creams and regular ice cream in a box. Vanilla. I don't care for any other flavor and when I'm next in town, I'm going to the ice cream parlor and having myself an ice cream sundae. It's not summertime unless you've had ice cream. That will hopefully take care of my craving. I'll have an overdose of it.

After that my personal helper is going to be here and she's not going to be pleased with me, because I didn't clean out those dresser drawers like I said I would. I spent too much of my daytime hours sleeping. Maybe it's a job we can do together. I'll ask her and see how she reacts to that. I have no, I can always get yes. We are really supposed to go to the post office to mail a package, but the Exfactor can do that instead and that will give us time to clean out the drawers. See, I have it all planned. My evilly scheming mind has it all worked out.

Before she's gone, my domestic help will be here and that will be most pleasant, because the apartment always smells so good after it has been cleaned and, of course, it looks good too, though I have to say that I've been keeping it in good shape and hardly dirty it. I do clean up after myself. There's hardly enough work for two people, two hours a week each. I need to be messier than I am. I have to do the dishes this morning and make my bed, but that is about it.

There was a World Cup match on between the Netherlands and Cameroon last night,but I didn't watch it. I'm a bad Dutch person. I watched Dalziel and Pascoe instead, which to me was much more exciting. I do know that the Netherlands won 2-1, which is not a great score. There are detective series on one of the other channels as long as the World Cup is on. There was an Inspector Linley the night before last. I guess I'm really not that thrilled about football after all, though I do care about the score. I think they can manage that without me watching. I don't think I'm denying myself any great pleasures.

I've got to take a shower and wash my hair which is sticky with hairspray. This morning it was plastered to my head on one side. It's always a real trick to get it back in shape after I've washed it, it's so soft and fine. I don't like to wait until my personal helper gets here to shower. I like to do this job on my own, as I'm quite capable of it and I do want to pick out my clothes carefully. I suppose I will not be wearing any leggings today because they will be too warm. That means I will wear my black jeans skirt with a tank top and a bolero top over it with short sleeves. I do want to cover my arms a little bit. I have too many scars on them to leave them completely uncovered. I wonder what the sun and vitamin E would do for my arms?

Right, it's time to get going. I hope you all have a lovely day. I know I'm going to have lovely weather. I hope you do too.

Ciao,
Nora

No sleep.

I haven't been to bed yet and it looks like I will not be about to for awhile. I am wide awake and I don't yet have a sleepy bone in my body. This is most unfortunate, because it is well past midnight when all decent folks are supposed to be asleep.

I've watched boring TV. I even watched Studio Football and that is really desperate TV watching when you're a woman, although I am probably going to watch all the games in the World Cup in which the Dutch team plays. Not that I really think we will become world champions, but you can always hope. There is the excitement of the well made goal or the terrible disappointment of a lost game, when everybody will say that we had lousy players nstead of the really good ones we have now. Or it will be blamed on the hamstring injury of Arjan Robben that we lost or the presence or absence of Wim Kuyt. It will be blamed on something or somebody. It will not be because we played a bad game.

There's a gentle breeze moving the blinds in front of the open windows. It is cool and I'm sitting here in my bathrobe. It's actually not that cool in the apartment, it's all in my imagination. I think I am cooled off because of the breeze, therefor I think I need my bathrobe. In reality it is 22.5C in here. That's more than warm enough. As far as I can tell, that's 72.5F. It's balmy. Well, it's not quite like living in the tropics maybe, but close enough. I could imagine that it is a tropical night, I suppose, although it is no summer night in the desert when you can go for a swim.

Tyke is sleeping beside me on the floor. He has decided anyway that it is bedtime. You can't fool a dog. He talks to me now when he needs attention. It's very funny and he reaches out with his right paw, so he is right handed. He has calmed down a lot. It is permanent. He's starting to leave his puppy ways behind him, but he is still lots of fun and full of surprises and he charms old ladies that he meets in the street. I just wish he didn't have to piddle every 20 seconds. It does keep us busy.

Toby is secretly eating Tyke's food. He has been trying to do that all day, but he got caught every time. I guess Tyke's not very hungry today, because he left half of it in his bowl. He is very protective of it, though, and absolutely doesn't want Toby to touch it. He sees Toby as a rival for everything. I'm sure because Toby is a male also. Gandhi is a sweet female, so Tyke tolerates her a lot better and bosses her around. I should almost say, tosses her around, but it's not quite that bad yet. Gandhi does know how to get out of the way on time.

The breeze has stopped blowing and now everything is very quiet. It's in the middle of the night and the town is asleep. At least, the suburbs are. It may be quite different downtown where the cafés are. I'm going downtown on Wednesday to meet my friend Yvonne. That's in the planning anyway, weather permitting. It depends on how serious this threat of rain is. Hopefully it won't be that bad and there will be many dry spells. It also depends on how hard the rain comes down. If it's just a gentle shower, and I'm on my bike, it's not such a bad thing, but if it rains buckets, I won't go out in it. There's nothing worse than sitting somewhere in drenched clothes with ruined hair. Luckily, I don't wear make up anymore or I'd worry about getting raccoon eyes.

I'm all ready for bed, so all I have to do is take off my bathrobe and go lie down in it. It gives me no incentive to actually go and do it. That's another matter altogether. Not even the clean sheets help me go. I'm sitting here very cozily and I'm not about to break the spell. My feet are cool, so that's good. The rest of me is warm. Eventually I'll have to go to bed, simply because there will be nothing else to do. I will go out of boredom.

Imagine me getting bored. There ought not to be such a thing. It is impossible. I can always write a post, after all. It seems I never run out of things to write about. I don't know if they are all fascinating, but to me they are amusing enough to write down and they help the time pass. I could probably sit here all night and do nothing but write posts, one after the other. I don't know if I would do anybody any favors with them, but it would sure keep me out of trouble. That's the main objective, isn't it?

I will be good and end this one now, but there are no guarantees that I will not write another one. It depends on if I'm able to sleep. I don't yet feel it in my bones or anywhere else Maybe I'll play around with the look of my blog. That will keep me busy for a few minutes.

Ciao,
Nora

That's okay then...

It;s another early in the morning moment. I'm having my coffee and my cigarettes and am enjoying the piece and quiet all around me. I slept a lot yesterday and fell asleep on the sofa in the evening and spent the night there, totally oblivious of everything. I know I was watching Midsomer Murders, but that is my last memory of what was on TV.

After I wrote my last post yesterday, I didn't feel all that great. Actually, I was a bit distraught and a feeling of desperation was settling over me. This, of course, had to do with my sense of failure which I felt, although I know in my heart that it was completely unnecessary. Nevertheless, for that moment I felt it and wanted to punish myself for it.

Luckily, I was able to reach my own therapist and, at the moment of greatest need, I was able to talk to her about everything. This was very helpful, as she knows me very well and has been able to keep track of my moods these last few months and has seen how they have fluctuated. She probably knows them better than I do.

It was good to talk to her about my fears and insecurities and my worries about feeling so easily overwrought all the time. There's nobody better to talk to than the person who knows the story of your life.

After having increased my antipsychotic medication last week, we had just decreased it again on Monday, because I seemed to be doing fine. So, the first thing we did was increase it again and I must say that this had an immediate effect and that it calmed me right down and that I quickly came to my senses again. Such is the working of that medication and I'm grateful for it.

Secondly, she talked me out of my feelings of shame, which I also came to see as unnecessary and not worthy of the cause (I think that's what I mean to say).

She dates my tendency to become easily overwrought to an incident that happened a few months ago and that makes sense to me and I have to trust her on this, because she has a good point of view on this and can judge it better than I can.

As I said, the rest of the day was spent in peace and quiet and sleep. That medication does so much for me, it's amazing. It literally stops me from feeling crazy and doing crazy things. It will be awhile before I try to decrease that again.

So, now it is Thursday morning and I have the whole day ahead of me. I don't have any therapy classes and officially today is cleaning day. Much to my amazement, there's hardly any dog hair on the floor. It seems that Jesker isn't shedding much right now, but I'll have to vacuum anyway just for the dust and the dirt. I'll have to wash his blanket also, just in case one of the cats has brought home any fleas. I think we're okay, but you never know.

It will be fun to do chores in sets of threes again and try to keep coming up with three different things to do. Not that I think I'll run out of them. There's always extra work when the regular work is done and the eternal cobwebs, now that the spiders are coming in through the open windows. No, we have no screens in front of the windows here. Every kind of bug can just enter. Luckily, no really scary ones live here.

It was so hot outside when I went to walk Jesker at 6 pm yesterday. The heat just hit me like a hot air dryer when I stepped out the front door. It had only rained in the morning, but luckily, a little bit later, it started to rain very hard for a short time. It came down in buckets, so it cooled things off for awhile, but in the apartment it is still 24 degrees Celsius.

Now I'm off to read some much neglected blogs, so I wish you a good day with all that brings with it.

Ciao...

Naps...

I've managed to take two naps today. One after another. The only thing I did in between was check my emails and then I decided that I really wanted to lie down on the sofa some more, next to Jesker, and so I did and promptly fell asleep again, which I think is the best thing to do on a Sunday. Intermittently, I heard all the church bells ring all day long, calling people in for mass. I hope a lot of people showed up, because the bells sounded joyfully and people should really heed them and go light a candle at least.

Toby slept on top of me, which was fine until he started to massage me with his paws and his nails extended. It was only a little painful, but hard to ignore and it was not on an especially meaty spot of my body. It was right on the side of my ribs and I tried to prevent him from doing it by moving my arm there, but he just moved his area of operation over a few inches until he was done and laid down like a teapot without a handle.

Jesker checked on me every once in a while, I felt his cold nose, and then laid down again and yawned and went back to sleep. We did this for several hours until we were all done sleeping and had to eat something to restore our energy and then go for a walk. The rain has stopped completely and the sun is shining and it feels a little bit like summer, but not completely, because of all the clouds in the sky and the temperature is only up to 20 degrees. I think this is pleasant, but then I'm odd and don't like the sun beaming down on me relentlessly.

I have started to take my nighttime medicines at 6 pm, which means I get the benefits of it much earlier and I become quite mellow early in the evening. It's a pleasant feeling and all I have to do before I go to bed is take my sleeping pill. I get so mellow, that I'm afraid that I'll forget to take out the trash, so I have to make extra effort to not forget it when I'm done writing this. I have to go around and find all the debris in the apartment and fill the bag so as to not waste any space in it.

I have no idea what's on TV tonight and haven't bothered to look in the TV guide, It means tracking down my reading glasses and I'm always to lazy to do that and turn the TV on and hope to be pleasantly surprised by an English thriller. Sometimes there's a German one on and they are okay too, anything is better than a Dutch one, I just don't like them. I am not enamored with them.Give me an Inspector Morse any day. Or a Lewis.

Well, that's really all I had to report now, Just a quick post in between, I'm going to make myself an omelet, after I take out the trash! And walk Jesker one more time.

Ciao...

Rotten in Denmark...

You would think that taking eight pills would not be a problem for my gastric band, but I have just sat here in complete misery, unable to take another sip of coffee, because I had taken my morning medication. I felt like I was going to upchuck everything and finally did and now I don't know how much medication stayed in and what came out, but at least I'm out of my misery. Man, that was awful!

I'm sorry to start with such a dubious subject, but it was high on my mind, having just happened. I will now try and turn my thoughts elsewhere and speak of other things.

Yesterday I managed to sit behind the computer most of the day, except for the evening when I fell asleep again on the sofa with the TV on, which was very pleasant. When I wake up, I think I'm capable of doing all sorts of things, but I'm a fool and just need to go to bed and keep on sleeping.

I made myself a slice of bread with lunch meat and then had to guard it with my life against Toby who tried to steal the meat off my bread. Luckily, he found the old piece of lunch meat that I had left in his dish, and that I hadn't wanted to put on my bread, and he ate that instead.

While I was sitting behind the computer yesterday, I visited the writing sites Pen 10 and Six Sentences and read the short stories there and left comments and wrote my own two short stories which you can read here and here. They're kind of gruesome, so you're warned ahead of time.

I find I like writing gruesome stories and I like for there to be a shock value at the end. I don't know why this is so, but it is a new development and one I'm embracing for now. It's not like I go around thinking these things all day long or being afraid of them.

In the meantime, I'm supposed to be getting dressed and walking Jesker, but he is sound asleep by my feet and snoring. I think I will do some chores today, as I did hardly anything yesterday and for some reason my guilt feelings are playing up. For one thing, I have to open all the mail from the last few days. That may or may not be a shocking experience. I'll have to brace myself for it. Didn't I say something about that a while back?

Okay, I'm getting the show on the road.

Have yourself a lovely Sunday with as much rain as you need.

Ciao...

Cheese...

When Von had that cheese platter yesterday, she had all sorts of cheese on there, many of them were soft French cheeses and I tried some of them too. I love them so much, so when I was at the supermarket this morning, I nosed around in the cheese section and bought myself a small piece of Brie and when I got home, I let it get to room temperature before I ate it in two sittings.

I just ate the last bit of it and am very full, but it was delicious and I'm going to do that more often. I'm picking a different one next time, maybe a Camembert or a blue cheese, I'll see.The fact is that I like the softer cheeses the best, or the crumbly ones, and I like it when the cheese sort of melts in your mouth, when you hardly have to chew it.

I like food that is a delicacy and that you don't have to eat huge amounts of to be happy with, that just the flavor and the texture make you happy if you have some of it and you can savor the memory of it for a long time afterwards. I got this piece of Brie for 80 cents, so it didn't break the bank. It's a repeatable experience. I hope I can get another kind of cheese equally reasonably priced.

For a change, the animals didn't beg for any, so I assume they don't like French cheese and it's an acquired taste, but I must say that Jesker doesn't usually beg for food, unless it's a cookie, whereas Tobie will steal the lunch meat off your sandwich and has with a quick haul of his paw. He's very rude and uncivilized and has no manners whatsoever.

I've bought the food in pouches again for the cats and I can make a box last 6 days. You should see them when I empty the pouches into their dishes. It's like they have never been fed before. They attack their food like lions and eat it with great appetite. It's pure luxury for them, but that is because they don't like their kibbles very much and leave them sitting in the bowl getting stale and they make Gandhi barf. I got tired of cleaning it up.

As I'm writing this, I have the Tour de France on in the background. I like to turn the TV on when the Tour is on. I enjoy watching the scenery and listening to the commentators talk. They don't talk a lot of nonsense and do discuss interesting things considering they have to talk for such a long time. Their voices are calm and quiet and civilized. If I was laying on the sofa now, I could easily fall alseep by the sound of them.

Even though it is Saturday, and officially a work day of sorts, I haven't done much yet. In a while, I will get up and do a set of three chores. I've done a little thing here and there, but nothing that you can notice. I talked to both my sisters on the phone and I have to write a birthday card for my aunt and mail it this afternoon. I'll take Jesker for a walk at the same time.

Have a good rest of the Saturday, people. It's been raining here, off and on, so it's not very exciting to go out there. Luckily, I pick the right moments.

Ciao...

Groceries...

This morning I got up before the alarm clock even had a chance to go off. I had slept a lot on the sofa last night while attempting to watch TV. I tried to watch several programs, but spent nearly the whole evening in a sound slumber and when I woke up from it, I took my medicines and went straight to bed. My wonderful bed that I can't get enough of in my cozy, as yet unpainted, bedroom.

Luckily, although I was somewhat comatose when I woke up, I did have the wherewithal to get on the bathroom scale and weigh myself, which I always do first thing in the morning before I've had my coffee, and with my lightweight pajamas on. I weighed 92.6 kilos, so now I've lost more than 7 kilos. A big congratulations to myself is in order here, because now I'm at the halfway mark and have 7 kilos left to lose.

After that, I'm going to pretty much keep eating the way I am now, so we'll see what happens. I may add something like low fat yogurt or cottage cheese with pine apple or some other treat. I'll see. The thing is to keep eating nutritious and responsible and not eat empty calories or calories that are packed with sugars or fat.

The reason I got up early, was to get to the supermarket on time, so after I was awake sufficiently, I got dressed and walked Jesker and then made a shopping list, which pretty much looks the same every week, give or take a few items. Mentally, I walk through the store and make my list accordingly, so one item will follow the other in the right order.

I got on my extremely funky bike, which now sounds as if it will fall apart any minute, and rode it on the quiet streets to the store, where it was uncrowded, and got a trolley and started shopping. The only thing I had to stop and think about was the lunch meat and which kind to get. I finally settled on salami, which I think will make my open faced sandwiches very appealing this week. I try to pick a different lunch meat every week to keep things a bit exciting in my otherwise very unexciting menu.

I was home a little after 9 am and unpacked the groceries under Jesker's watchful eyes and fed him some good Bonzo chicken with vegetables. He made short shrift of that and licked his jowls afterwards. Then he ran around the living room a couple of times, which seems to be mandatory after he's eaten well, and then he collapsed in a heap and slept, no doubt to aid his digestion.

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I'm so happy with my haircut, that I keep looking in the mirror to admire it. I think, after all, that I'm happier with it than when I have it cut at the walk in Chinese on the market square. This should be a lesson for me that I mustn't forget. And, of course, there is also the ambiance of which there isn't any at the Chinese and lots of it at the shop around the corner. And there is the fact that they know me well there, because I've been coming there for years, so I was being awfully disloyal by going to the Chinese who doesn't know me from Adam and who could not care less, really, about my hair.

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Today is plant watering day again and I have to tell you that, except for the hardy fern, which needs to be repotted, all the plants are doing well and none of them are dropping leaves anymore, That means I've stopped killing them with kindness and in a little while, I'm going to look for a bigger pot to put the fern in. I would like some more plants, but I really don't have any space to put them, unless I find some that really like dark corners.

The fig plant is turning into a monstrosity and really should be in a bigger pot, but I don't have one as yet, so it has to be patient for just a little while. It is standing on a somewhat fragile plant stand which really can't take a bigger pot, so I will have to stand it on the ground and hope the cats leave it alone. Actually, I just realized that I have a big pot outside to put it in. Aha, what a good idea. Well, you all know what I'm going to be doing next.

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Jesker just moves his exhausted body from one place in the living room to the next. Now he's laying under the desk, so I have to make sure that I don't stretch out my legs and kick him. You can tell he's an old dog by the amount of sleeping that he does and his contentment by his gentle snoring. Or so I interpret it. I like the sound. It would irritate me if a human being would snore like that, but coming from Jesker I find it soothing. I have no desire to pinch his nose.

Well, I'm off to rescue plants from their too small pots. Wish me luck and a green thumb or two.

Have a nice day, you all.

Ciao...

During the news....

I fell asleep during the eight o'clock news and woke up at ten o'clock. Ms Nap, that's who I am. I also slept for a couple of hours during the day and wiled away most of the afternoon that way. I think I use the weekends to recuperate from the activities during the week and one way or the other they must exhaust me enough that I need this extra sleep.

I must say that the weeks seem to fly by and that one day passes into the next very quickly. Time speeds by and before you know it, another week has gone by and it is weekend again, which I don't mind, as long as it's not a three day weekend like we just had. I'm glad when it's Saturday and I can be a bit lazy, but I 'm also glad when it's Sunday and I can look forward to the next day when I'll have creative therapy again.

The biggest satisfaction is on Sunday evening when I put out the trash and the green container to be picked up early Monday morning. Then I know I can go to bed and the day has ended and I have somewhere to go the next day,

I knew I needed those naps today, because every time before that I became very grumpy and was in a down mood. The blues hit me and that's a bad sign. Luckily, I'm smart enough by now to understand what's going on and to turn off the computer. I could write a huge lament, but I'm smart enough not to do that. I very much see the glass half empty when I'm like that and my thoughts are not pretty. I could not even joke about them and make a farce out of them.

Every time I get down and grumpy, I need to go to sleep. That's the only cure for those feelings. The temptation is to eat, but that's the wrong thing to do, that's not really what I need. I've seen food as a comfort thing for a long time and that was all emotional. Soft warm smooth sweet food to make me feel better, except that then I still needed to sleep, but I did it on a very full stomach and when I woke up, I wanted more of it. That's the first thing I thought of.

I have no such comforting foods in the apartment now, so I've left myself no opportunities to do such eating. I can have a glass of juice or warm low fat milk instead. Warm milk is very satisfying, if you don't overdo it. I have one glass of it a day, plus the milk I drink in my coffee.

I have been drinking a lot more decaf. I figured it's no good to take tranquilizers and then to drink a lot of coffee. So lots of decaf it is and I really don't taste the difference. Some people swear they can, but I can't. It all tastes like coffee to me, except that the one doesn't make you wired late at night.

Needless to say, I didn't get anything done today but walk the dog with my very sore toe and feed him and the cats. I did have some ambitious plans, but they fell by the wayside. It doesn't matter. I'll see how tomorrow goes and maybe I'll get some things done then, even though officially it's a day of rest and I should take advantage of that. I will try to vacuum and mop the bathroom floor.

I really, really dislike the sound of the vacuum cleaner. If I could have a silent vacuum cleaner it would make things so much better. I dislike not being able to hear anything else while I run it. Life is full of frustrations like that. If you mop the bathroom floor, there are the nooks and crannies that you can't get to beside the washing machine where all the dust and dog hair hides. Just like it hides under all the furniture that you have to move when you vacuum. The same way there is always a mess by the food bowls and the water bowls of the animals that you only get clean on your hands and knees with a damp rag.

As I'm typing this, there's an old Morse on TV. They have been showing a lot of English detective series lately, all of them late in the evening when I'm normally in bed. Lewis is quite young in this one, compared to how he looks now in his own series, which I like so much. He just got beaten up by a bad guy. Why is it that all British detective series are so superior to those of other countries? They must have the magic formula.

Well, I'm going to bed now. It's late and that alarm clock is going off early in the morning. If I hear it.

Sleep tight, everyone. Happy dreams.

Ciao...

Monday afternoon.

There's an ambulance parked outside my living room windows and I didn't even notice it pull up there, so it didn't come with a siren. Now the big mystery is why is it here? Which neighbor is in trouble? Well, apparently nobody, because the ambulance personnel just came out without a person on the gurney and pushed it back into the ambulance and left. It must have been a false alarm. Mmm...stuff happens around here and you never know why or how and what for. Very interesting.

Well, that was a small diversion this afternoon. At least nothing serious happened.

I'm sitting here with my diet Coke, burping very ladylike every once in a while because of the carbonation, but since I'm the only one here, I figure it's okay and I can let them happen.

I was up briefly at 3 am and sent some emails, but had enough sense to go back to sleep until the alarm clock woke me. For a change, I was wide awake when it did and I needed only one mug of coffee to get me kick started. Nowadays, that is a record and unheard of.

I need thirty minutes to get myself put together. The dog waits patiently by the bathroom door. He's full of excitement when I turn the light off, because it means we're going for a walk. I stuff baggies in my pocket and my keys and off we go on our regular round.

The Überhund ignores all the other dogs we meet, unless it is a new one and then he wants to find out if it's a boy or a girl. You know how dogs do that. But after the first meeting he has no interest in them whatsoever. Not even if they very happily run up to him with their tails wagging.

I had creative therapy today and made it over there on time to sit on the deck and have an espresso. The weather was fairly nice, but I had my jacket on. Sitting on the deck is nice, except that there aren't enough benches to sit on and I guess nobody finds it necessary to put some more out there. There are always people leaning against the windowsills and the railings.

I was stuck on my sculpture last week and could not figure out the other side of it and how to finish it, but I was inspired today and did it. Suddenly I knew how to do it and it turned out fine. I was able to hollow it out too and now it is slowly drying under a plastic sheet so as to not dry to quickly. That means I start a new one next week and I have looked some up that I may give a try, or I may make a design of my own. I'll see what I want to do. There is also a sculptress named Barbara Hepworth I want to look up. She also does/did abstracts.

The morning went by quickly. It always does when you're pleasantly occupied and things go smoothly. You want that morning to last the whole day, but I did need to get home to the Überhund and feed him and walk him and be his best companion.

Lately, he doesn't wake up when I get home and he's asleep. I think he is getting a little hard of hearing, because he barks at nothing and thinks he hears things when there is nothing to hear. He just suddenly starts to bark, but looks around somewhat confused, as if he doesn't know what he is barking at.
I had neglected my fig plant and the result were some yellow leaves that I had to cut off. That's the first time that's happened. The ground was very dry and I gave it a whole bunch of water. The baby leaves that were drooping have perked back up again, but I have to keep a close eye on it, because I think it's having a growth spurt and it probably wants water more often.

I've moved the hardy fern to the window, but it needs to be repotted to a larger pot, because it dries out too quickly now. It's barely hanging in there and if I don't do something fast, I may loose it. It's a bad sign if my plants don't do well. It means I'm neglecting things and that's no good. I have to stay on the ball a bit better.

The summer programming has started on the TV now and there are a lot of new talk shows. I miss the old ones that were very good, but they won't start again until September. At least we don't have endless reruns here.

It's time to walk the dog and watch the news, so I've got to go. It's been pleasant chatting at you, but all good things must end.

Have a lovely evening, and no, it's not raining here. Hurray!

Ciao...

Nursing Days.

I feel like I'm a nurse in a vet clinic taking care of the animals. I give the Überhund his Fortiflex for his osteoarthritis in the morning wrapped in a slice of meat and then apply two sorts of ointment to his eyes, because both eyes are infected, I repeat this process in the evening. In between, all day long, I am picking off the scabby snot of Toby's nose, so he can breathe, and I'm cleaning his eyes.

He doesn't like this very much and puts up a struggle, so I have to grab him by the skin of his neck and be quick about it without making an enemy out of him. So far, this seems to be working, because he does not actually run away from me, but lets me pet him afterwards, so maybe in his dim little mind, he knows it's necessary. Since cats can only breathe through their nose, he sounds terrible and you can hear him from some distance and I have to keep the passages open.

I do find that I have a lot of patience when it comes to taking care of sick animals, so maybe I'm a natural and I missed my calling. The Überhund is very good about having the ointments put in his eyes and doesn't put up a struggle, he is completely resigned to it and when I tell him to scoot closer, he actually does.

Those poor critters in my sickbay . I hope the other two stay healthy.

My day started off kind of slow with an undetermined mood, It felt that it could go either way and I sat behind the computer for a while and drank my coffee and smoked my cigarettes. When I was fully functioning, I walked the dog, but when I came back, I was so tired that I laid down on the sofa and took a nap, from which I woke rather refreshed and hungry.

I had something to eat and made a shopping list and went to the grocery store, where it was very busy and many shopping carts blocked the aisles. I very rudely shoved my way through them, because I am very single minded and when on a mission, stick to my goal and get to the things that are on my list and nobody gets to stand in my way.Especially not little old men who have very doubtful looks on their faces as they contemplate the many kinds of soup and won't get out of the way. I do so dislike people who dawdle and have bewildered looks on their faces.

I do always manage to pick the really good checkout line that moves quickly and I'm done in no time. The hardest part is getting all the groceries back in your shopping cart to take them to your bike where you can fill up your various bags. You can't keep up with the speed of the check out person and you have to pay before you have all the groceries back into your cart. We don't have bag people in the Netherlands like they do in the States.

Once I got home, and had unloaded all the groceries, my neighbor from upstairs came for a cup of coffee. She is a very lonely woman who needs a bit of company every now and then and she comes and has coffee with me. She has a very complicated life in which everything goes wrong and I only understand half of it, but I try to be a listening ear, although at times that is hard. Especially when I can't quite follow the story. She has decided that I am her friend.

I was so discombobulated, that I almost let some of my plants dry out and die, but I think I caught myself just in time and gave them a good dousing in the kitchen sink.It's always a bad sign if you don't take care of your house plants properly. I've had many plants die that way, because I was mentally not okay and neglected things around me. It's a good thing that the animals make noise and remind me to take care of them. Lol.

Well, now I have to get something to eat and get into my pajamas for a nice leisurely evening in front of the TV. We were suppposed to get some rain, but it never materialized.

Here are some pictures I made yesterday.




Have a good evening, cozy in your livingrooms.

Ciao...

A Pretty Lazy Saturday.

Is it my imagination, or am I having many lazy days lately? Please tell me that it's my imagination, because I would hate to go through life as a not diligent Dutch housewife. I mean I do do the odd job in the apartment now and then and I do take very good care of myself. That ought to account for something, should it not? I am always well put together, the fact that the Queen can't come over for tea at the spur of the moment should not be held against me.

I am striving to follow in the footsteps of my late sister in law who was not a great housewife, but an immensely interesting woman to hang out with and whom I loved dearly. She was always in the mood for any sort of conversation and no subject was taboo, and she had a good sense of humor too and she was very emancipated. Can you think of a better role model? The fact that she didn't scrub her kitchen sink on a daily basis didn't seem so important. She wasn't married to her house.

Anyway, I sort of wiled away the hours doing many mostly unimportant things, though once in a while something mattered quite by accident. Like spontaneously and unplanned cleaning up the kitchen to the point that the counters were free and clean. And going through my mail and throwing away everything that was unimportant and non threatening. And picking up heaps of dog and cat hair that had bunched up together under the furniture. That will be the bane of me yet.

I took a spontaneous nap on the sofa, because I was suddenly overcome by sleepiness in the middle of the day and fell sleep with the TV on, watching a very interesting program about the Holocaust Museum that was built by the same architect who got the commission to build the memorial at Ground Zero.I can't think of his name now. Just a minute...Daniel Libeskind. It's a shame that I missed most of the program, because it was very good. I find daytime television on the weekends to be very interesting with lots of good documentaries and good interview shows.

When I'm not behind the computer, I find that I turn the TV on for company and quite accidentally watch some good programs that way. I fall asleep with it on during the night, turned down low, and sometimes what's on TV becomes part of my dream.They are mostly reruns of the news, so by osmosis I am very well informed.

I made a short shopping list and with rain threatening, I rode my bike to the super market. Luckily, it wasn't too busy and I was done in no time and even remembered to buy a new electronic lighter, because the other kind of lighters always stop working when they are still half full. How is that for optimism? It's actually quite a rip off when you have to dispose of a disposable lighter that's still half full. I tried matches, but the striking surface on the box isn't what it used to be and is only there for decorative purposes.

Just when I had loaded up my bike and started to ride it out of the parking lot, it started to rain really hard and I thought, "Oh, what the heck, you have short hair, it will be dry in no time," and I pedaled home as quickly as I could, not encountering too much traffic, which was good, because I would not have put on my brakes for anyone.Just as I got home, the rain stopped. It was a joke of Mother Nature, she has a good sense of humor. She is always testing my willingness to brave the elements and to see how hardy I am, to see if I'm made of the right stuff to be called a Dutch woman.

I bough ten liters of milk and I hope they last me a while, but knowing how fast I go through milk, it will be gone in no time. The animals in all their curiosity came to help me unpack the groceries and found out to their disgust that there was nothing special for them, except for an empty shopping bag for Toby to climb in. My shopping bag is from the Socialist Party, so people can see my political preference up front. I never think about it when I go out with it and I guess I do make a statement, but it is really no big deal. It's not an in your face sort of thing. Tolerance reigns.

If I didn't vote socialist, I would vote for the Green party, because their attitude is right and they make humorous commercials that get their point of view across exactly. Unluckily, they don't stand a chance of winning enough votes in an election, although out of principle I am on their side. The socialist party is a very serious contender and should have been in this coalition government, but the Christian Democrats would not govern with them and left them out in the cold, which is not how the people voted.

So, we're stuck with this government of Christian jackasses for now, which is a real shame and gave us an unworthy prime minister who is a man without authority and leadership. An embarrassment to the country. That's not the worst of it. You would not believe the clowns who have started their own political parties and movements and who are being taken every seriously. It scares me! They are getting too much attention from the press.

I never knew I was such a political creature until I came back to the Netherlands and gained the right to vote. I never miss the news now and am always on the look out for the ridiculous and the ostensible stupidity that the system brings with it. I think politicians need to be sat on and watched like hawks, unless you have a person of great integrity whom you intrinsically trust.

In the meanwhile, peace and serenity rule in the apartment. The cats are very quietly moving around doing catlike things, such as investigating nooks and crannies that they know by heart, but are apparently worth having another look at. The Überhund is sound asleep by my feet. He told me earlier that he was hungry, so we fixed that problem. He really tries to tell me what he specifically wants and hopes I guess the right thing by his general stand and bark. We usually figure it out pretty quickly, but I don't know which one of us is the smart one.

I am planning on staying up late and sleeping late in the morning, but you know about good intentions. They do fall by the wayside. All I need to do is put my pajamas on and get on that sofa and I will be sleeping before you know it. I am hoping on some good entertainment from the TV, maybe that will help.

Here are some more photographs from the Exfactor.




Have a very good evening and wish for lots of sunshine for tomorrow.

Ciao...

Really?

I can't believe I did it, but I slept until 9 o'clock this morning. How did I manage that, for goodness sake? Regardless, it was wonderful. I hope to do that many more times when I don't have anywhere to go in the morning. I was up during the night to go to the toilet, but I had enough sense to withstand the urge to stay up and start blogging, which would have been a very insensible thing to do and I guard myself from them. I have to be my own adult and make the right choices. I don't even remember falling asleep again, so I was not really quite awake when I had the thought to stay up.

Now I am sitting here quite contend in my pajamas with my mug of coffee. The Überhund has had his breakfast and his piddle out back and is laying by my side. Pretty soon I'll really have to take him out, but for right now he is asleep. If I move gently, I won't disturb him and he'll let me sit here for a while longer. Oh no, I spoke too soon, now he is looking at me with begging eyes. There, I've let him out back again. I am not quite ready yet to get dressed.

There are moments that I want to savor and draw out as long as possible and this is one of them. It is nice and warm inside and the sun is shining outside and everything feels just right. I don't want it to end.

The new TV Guide came in the mail, but it is the one for next week. Still, I could look in it last night and get some idea of the programming for that night and I watched a bit of television, but I fell asleep sitting straight up on the sofa and missed the most important programs. That's not very helpful, is it? Doubtlessly that was due to my short night the night before. I should be all caught up now and hopefully stay awake all day long and the evening too.

I have been refusing to go on my bathroom scales. I am afraid of what I'll see there and rely on how well my clothes fit me instead. They fit me fine, but I do know that I've gained some weight and that I need to watch it or I'll turn into a porker. I'm not completely in denial, but I think I was in the month of December and that it was not a very good month for me eating wise. I mean, I did too much of it. I think everybody does in December, don't they? It's the stress that makes you eat. January is a perfect month to get over that. There's no excuse to have all sorts of devilish food in the house. Speaking of devilish food, I haven't had a deviled egg in more than 15 years and I used to like them so much.

It's been almost 15 years since I drove a car. That's quite some time for someone who used to drive one daily. I had a car when I first came to the Netherlands, but I never did get my Dutch driver's license and now it is too late, because I can't afford a car and besides, I would have to have a real good argument to justify owning one, considering I travel by bike or by public transportation and I would have to take costly driver's lessons and take the exam, which is difficult here to pass. I would have to get dispensation too, because of all the medication I take. So, for now and the near future, I will be without a car, unless I win the lottery and I would have to play in it in order to win anything, although the Exfactor said he would share some of his if he won anything. Do you think I can keep him to that promise?

It's only Thursday and to me it already feels like it is the weekend. That's because I have no engagements and no classes. The only things I have to do is clean the apartment and do some shopping and I have my new schedule to stick to and help me through the day, making it much more manageable. As it is now, I am already behind schedule, but I don't really care, because I feel that I have to seize the moment and reorganize the schedule on a daily basis.

I do see that I have to clean my desk, because it is very dusty and I could write my name in it. It means moving all sorts of odds and ends off the desk and wiping it clean and replacing everything, which seems like too much work, when in reality it isn't. It just appears that way. I am too easily intimidated by things that look complicated. I call them frustration moments.

Well, I'll finally go and get dressed then and start the day. I can't postpone it forever. It's still freezing outside in spite of the sunshine.

Have a wonderful day.

Ciao...

Rather Splendid...

I just woke up from a rather splendid nap on the sofa. I think was asleep for more than 2 hours and, believe me, I needed it, because suddenly, this afternoon, my mood started going to hell in a hand basket and I could think of two things to do, either take an extra pill, which I am not supposed to do, or go to sleep, which I am when faced with the devil, so that is what I did.

I really thought I was going around the bend, but then I realized that I had gone to sleep very late the night before and that I had not exactly had my 8 hour beauty sleep and that maybe that was what the problem was. When in doubt about your state of mind, go to sleep and stay asleep long enough for the chemicals in your brain to normalize themselves again. This rapid cycling can be cut short very often by going to sleep and staying asleep for a long enough time.

I was a woken by the Überhund who thought my nap had taken long enough and who wanted some action. I let him piddle and sniff around out back and gave him a treat for being a good dog while I slept. He is a faithful guard dog and does not budge from my side. I think he spends enough boring hours with me waiting for something to happen, although he does appreciate long naps himself.

There had been one cat laying very heavily on top of me, moving up and down with each breath I took, no doubt being very comforted by that. Is it any wonder that there was an old wife's tale saying that cats sucked the breath out of babies' lungs? Cats belonged to witches and old crones, after all. I am practically an old crone myself. If you don't watch out, I will start brewing potions and teas and casting evil spells. And I have three cats.

Toby's chronic cold seems to have dissipated and he now no longer goes around sneezing and having runny eyes. It took awhile for it to pass, but he never did infect the other two cats. It never did interfere with his eating habits, although for a while he was very thirsty all the time. I made sure there was fresh water and milk, but things seem back to normal now. The cats don't like to drink water that has been standing for a while and I constantly have to replenish their dish with fresh water. Finicky is their middle name and drinking from a running faucet is their favorite activity.

You see I've changed the colors of my blog. I was infected by Jill of all Trades, who changed the look of her blog and it made me long for some changes myself. I would have done more, but that would have been too drastic for all of you and I'll save that for a day when I am really hypomanic and I don't know what to do with myself. You see, I do care about you when I am in my right mind.

It's been one heck of a lazy Sunday and tomorrow I don't have creative therapy neither do I have ergo therapy on Wednesday. I don't like it very much and am kidn of at a loss of what to do with myself. These diversions sneak in and give you something to look forward to and when they don't happen you have to find a way to amuse yourself and it can be tough, especially when the weather is too cold to find your solace outside. Taking the Überhund for an extra long walk is not an option, nor is spending any money at the moment. I am too dull to think of anything else.

It is just very possible that the ordinary me, without being the least bit hypomanic, is in fact a very dull person who can't get off her butt and think of very interesting things to do that don't require the input of any money.

Oh well, I think it is time that I fix myself something to eat and get into my comfortable pajamas. My so called lounge wear. If I am lucky, there will be something of interest on the television. I better check the online TV guide, though.

Hope you have a pleasant evening and that you manage to stay out of trouble. If not, tell me about it in the greatest detail.

Ciao...

Another Bright Day.

I have been up for a while, but at first couldn't figure out why I wasn't getting the show on the road properly, until I realized that I was drinking decaf coffee. Now, you can't tell me that that doesn't make a difference. So I very hastily made a mug of regular coffee and drank that and now I am functioning the way I should. Boy, I was worried there for a while. I thought, "Now what, what in the world is wrong with me?" As if I hadn't had enough to worry about.

Now I am sitting here quite contentedly enjoying the quiet hours of the early morning and all is well with the world. The Überhund tried to talk me into giving him many treats, but I ignored him completely and finally told him him a firm No when he wouldn't let up and now he is sleeping on his blanket, no doubt feeling very neglected and misunderstood.
Sometimes he behaves like a spoiled child, but I suppose I can only blame myself for that, because I can be such a push over and he can be very persistent.

I had ordered some boots on line the other day and they arrived yesterday. I got them on sale and paid for them with the money that my older sister sent me for Christmas. They are very nice and I am very happy with them. They are half length boots and have one strap across the instep. They are dressy enough to wear with skirts and dresses, so I can wear them all the time. I will probably wear them out this winter, as I seem to wear out all of my shoes and boots in one season. It has something to do with my uneven hips and the uneven length of my legs.

Anyway, it's nice to have new boots to wear and I like these especially, because they hardly have any heels and are very comfortable to walk in.

On Monday I managed to find more Christmas cards and sent another bunch on their way. I went to a drugstore and they had all of their cards on sale already. Then I went to the textiles store in the hope of finding something at a very good bargain, but there was nothing I would have liked to wear at any price. It pays to go in there every once in a while, because you never know what you may find there, but you have to be careful to not buy something that looks cheap, even though it is, if you get my drift.

There was a long line at the little post office in the grocery store and I waited patiently to buy my stamps. Everyone in line seemed resigned to the fact that they had to be patient and wait. There was no grumbling anyway. I wonder how that one postal worker doesn't get overwrought when faced with such a long line of people. It's good to see that so many people still send Christmas cards, though.

This morning I have ergo therapy and I am looking forward to it, given that my present mood persists. After this, there will not be any therapy until January the 2nd. I don't know how tough that is going to be yet, but I'll make the best of it and a lot depends on my state of mind. My state of mind depends on how well my medication works and and I'll know in a few days how that works out.

I do know that right now I feel very good and could just about tackle anything. Nothing seems daunting to me now and I feel pretty fearless. I do want to write that down especially in case I want to look back at that later in the day. You can all be witness to the fact that I stated this.

Now I am going to hang up and see what other sort of trouble I can get into at this hour of the day. There probably isn't that much I can do, but then there is always early morning TV. Oh yes. I get BBC Prime, not BBC 1 and 2, I think that's a darn shame, unless someone tells me that BBC Prime is good. Then I promise to pay better attention.

Okay, that's it.

Ciao...

An Odd Day.

I had such an odd day yesterday. You'll remember that I had gotten up in the middle of the night. When I went to take my medicines in the morning, I realized that I had forgotten to take all of them the night before. That may have explained my nearly sleepless night. Then, when I went to take my anti psychotic medication, a new box, I realized it was different than what I had been taking before. It was from the same manufacturer, but it's name was different and it was different in appearance. I took it anyway, because I needed to, and assumed it was okay, because the dosage was the same. After that, I didn't give it another thought.

Sometime during the day, I started to get obsessive thoughts about random people in the street murdering each other with knives and me being witness to that. This changed into thoughts of people breaking into the apartment and wanting to murder me, causing me to hide and, when they could not find me, murdering the Überhund instead. My fantasy went so far that in my head, I was calling the police and describing the perpetrators to them.

You can imagine that these thoughts were very disturbing and I called my psychiatrist to ask him about the medication, which I thought was the cause of these obsessive thoughts. After trying for a few hours, I finally got a hold of him and he told me that I should have gotten the old medication, because that was prescribed to me and that apparently the pharmacy had made a mistake. But he also added, that although the medication that I had was more slowly absorbed in my body, in the end it should have the same effect as my old one.

So, I went to the pharmacy, where I found out that the reason they gave me the new medication was, because my health insurance would no longer pay for my old medication and that, if I still wanted it, it would cost me 250 Euros. Of course, I can't pay that, so I'll have to take the new medication and hope that if I take it at night before I go to bed, it will have enough time to get into my system properly. I think that and remembering to take all my medication and getting enough sleep should sort me out.

You see how everything is so carefully balanced and so dependent on each other. This morning I feel fine and I can think straight again and I don't have any obsessive thoughts.

Yesterday morning, I had my appointment about getting another activity added to my schedule and that went well. I had to talk to someone from a different program altogether, but she basically had the same sort of activities on offer, just for a different sort of clientèle. We quickly decided on a creative therapy class on Thursday mornings, as that was the best she could offer me and that was fine with me. I met the creative therapist who leads the class and he seems like a nice enough person and the group meets in the same space as my other class, so I can work on whatever project I have going. So, that worked out well.

I didn't get any housework done because of my state of mind and found it hard to concentrate on things, so I just sat around and drank mugs of decaf and smoked cigarettes until the Exfactor came by. Together, we tackled the cats and applied flea drops to them. Doing the job with two people meant it was done in no time, as the cats were unsuspecting and had no time to flee. Hardly any resistance was put up.

I didn't let the Exfactor know about my state of mind. I didn't want him to think that I was being creepy. Luckily, he didn't notice anything, because he thought he was coming down with the flu and was trying to find a replacement to work for him that night. As a result, he didn't stay long and soon enough I was on my own again.

I sent my SPN an email explaining my state of mind and the situation and I told her that I would call her today if there was no improvement. I didn't even feel like blogging and watched some inane TV program.

In the evening, I took the Überhund to the vet, who was not happy with his eyes yet and now has given me a different kind of ointment that I have to apply 6 times a day. The Überhund won't mind, because it will mean that 6 times a day he gets an extra snack. It's possible that his eyes won't get better and that this will be a chronic problem. The vet said that he had another dog with the same problem that he had sent to a specialist and the specialist had given up and sent the dog back to him. So, no specialist for us.

After we got home, I put my pajamas on and watched TV, except that I kept falling asleep and I only caught little glimpses of what I was trying to watch. It was all very noncoherent. I don't advise this sort of TV watching. I had been hoping for a good British thriller, but now I'm glad there was none on, because I would have missed most of it.

Looking back on this post, it seems a dry summing up of the facts without humor and emotion. I am sorry about that. I suppose I just want to convey how yesterday went and not get caught up in the feeling of it. As a result, I'm kind of dull. I will try to be more exciting in my next post.

Ciao...

To the vet again...

The Überhund and I have been to the vet again. Luckily, the vet is right around the corner, so it is the same as taking him for a walk, so no extra effort for me. I huff and puff and get there in the end. Well, it isn't quite that bad.

We had to wait in the waiting room as there were three couples with cats ahead of us and the poor Überhund just wanted to run out the front door. He pulled at his leash and his whole body was shaking, so I kept him close to me and tried to settle him down as much as possible.

Luckily, some people came in with a Jack Russell and that provided some distraction for the Überhund and made the time go by quicker. He almost forgot to be scared and almost stopped shaking. When the vet came to get us, he very obediently followed me into the examining room, but once he was in there, he sat by the door and wanted to leave again as quickly as possible.

I had used up all the eye drops and his eyes were a little bit better, but the vet wasn't happy yet and now has put him on an ointment that I have to apply twice a day and then go see him again next week. You can see how the Überhund's eyes are still very red and inflamed, so they are definitely not better. Poor guy, I hope he is going to be okay in the end and that this is not going to be a chronic problem.

The thing I am happy about is that he doesn't seem to be in pain like he was before when he was constantly rubbing his eyes. He was very good for the vet, by the way, and allowed him to do everything that needed to get done. He's a good dog. He's a good vet.

While I am writing this, I am listening to dEUS, which is a Belgian band with out of this world music. I am listening to one of my play lists at Deezer, which I can heartily recommend going to. It's fun to look up artists and put together play lists that you can listen to any time you are in the mood. I sometimes forget to turn on the music and sit here in complete silence and then I wonder why I can't find any sort of rhythm in my typing. If I were young and was going to be a groupie, I would be one to dEUS. Either that one or Massive Attack.

Since I am not young and since grandmothers can't be groupies, I will just sit here and listen to their music instead and pretend I am young at heart and foot loose and fancy free.

I will tell you how sore I am today. I am so sore that I've not put on any make up. Can you believe that? I have an unmade up face, naked and all. No eyebrows and no eyelashes. That's how I've gone out into the world, even to that dishy vet. I just didn't give a hoot. I was too sore to care.

The Exfactor came and got the groceries for me, thank goodness. He can be such a help. It really would have been too much for me to do. He has promised to come back later in the week to see if I need anything else. He has also hooked up my new Digitenne for the TV, so now I have 27 Channels plus radio channels. I am sure I would have figured it out on my own, but he had done it himself for his own TV, so it was done in no time at all. It only needed two phone calls to the help desk for what turned out to be two silly little things.

My sweet dog is laying by my feet. If I make a wrong move, I'll run over him with my chair. I got the feeling that he was so proud of himself when we got home from the vet and I spoke to him in high praise. I gave him a treat and told him how well he had done and, of course, I'm convinced that he understands everything I say to him. I always think of him as a three year old child and treat him accordingly. He has some sense, but not always that much, but he means well.

For some reason, I always get the idea that the cats are much smarter, although they may in fact not be at all, but that may be because they seem more independent and seem to have made up their own minds about that. Like they are making the statement that they can manage just fine without me, thank you very much. They come and go as independent creatures who have an agenda that they live by that has nothing or little to do with me. They make up their own minds about their life style and it just happens to include me, because I am the food and drink provider. I know they like me and they let me know that about three times a day, but they don't wag their tail and bark when they see me and think I am the center of their universe. Therefor I think I am a cat, really, because that's how I behave. I would never make someone's loyal dog.

Concerning this poll I've put up, I know I've screwed it up by changing the name and the image, so please excuse me for doing that and vote again and let me know in no uncertain terms what you like. I'll not change anything again now, that was a mistake. Enjoy yourself on the other site with the changing names and images.

Well, that's it for tonight. I am a bit long winded. I don't want to stop writing, but I will.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

Ciao...

Good Morning!

It's good to be up again after a good night's sleep. I was up briefly in the middle of the night, but I slept for a long time and didn't wake up until 8 AM. That's late for me.

The Überhund has piddled out back and I am still sitting here in my bathrobe, which is very cozy and I hope to stay in this condition just a while longer. That is, if the Überhund lets me and I've just made another mug of coffee, so I hope he will.

I fell asleep watching the Junior Euro Song Festival on TV last night. Actually, it wasn't that boring. Not as boring as the real Song Festival. At least these kids were fun to watch and the song I liked best ended up winning. That's because only 50% of the call in votes counted toward the final outcome, the other 50% of the votes came from a professional jury. I guess I didn't explain that right, but I can't be bothered to figure out that one. The Netherlands had a very decent song, but I don't know where we ended up. I'm sure it wasn't at the bottom, because we didn't deserve that.

I sometimes watch the real Euro Song Festival, but most of the songs are so predictable and so are the winners, who nowadays all seem to come from the Eastern European countries. The Netherlands never has a decent song anymore. All very predictable ditties. They are Song Festival songs, as if there is a formula for them and they are written and composed accordingly. Frankly, I don't care who wins, it's just not that important, it's not politics, after all, or is it?

Well, there was no layer of snow to greet us this morning and it is officially freezing outside, because it is -1 degree Celsius. The sky is overcast, so it could snow in theory, but I kind of hope it doesn't, because I don't know if any of my boots are waterproof. I think the really dressy ones are not, but I don't know about the funky ones. They look like they should be...

It's wonderful how warm the apartment stays even with the heater off, as long as it has been heated the night before. The way it is situated between a house and the other apartments really makes it insulated and, of course, there is no wind outside. There is just a deadly calm, like a silence before a storm. It is hard to imagine that some of you will get up and pull on your shorts and a T-shirt. The hardest months to get through are December and January and the latter is tough, because there are no holidays to celebrate, until some time in February when it is Carnival. The rowdy drinking festival with all the confetti.

I suppose that I should be in a period of mourning now, because a year ago this month, the Exfactor was commencing, or securing, his affair with the Paramount without my knowledge, but with my grave suspicions and my great load of insecurity. Somehow I don't feel a lot of grieve right now. I'm sure I have some buried way deep down inside of me, but looking back on it now, it all seems like a comedy of errors. I am not disregarding the pain I felt, but it all seems like it was such a waste of time to have gone through. I blame the Exfactor's dishonesty for that.

I am not confronted much with his deed. I don't have to see them together or walk by the place where the Exfactor lives now. It is all taking place a long way away from me. I live here securely in my own life in my own apartment and can choose how much I want to know of the reality that takes place out there. I can even pretend it doesn't exist and that I don't need to break my head over it. I think partly I do that, because when I do see the Exfactor, I don't waste time thinking about his other life.

It would bother me very much if he were to marry her. That would be shocking to me and I dread the day that this will happen. That would confirm the fact that he is lost to me forever, even though I know in my heart that he already is. I pretend he isn't. I pretend I have the power...

...it is time for me to get going. Even though it is Sunday, there are things that need to be done. I am going to make it an uneventful day. A day of rest.

Mwah and ciao...

P.S. Please vote in the poll on the top left hand side, thank you.

I was going to...

I was going to tell you about my hot water heater and how it had been on the blink since Saturday and how I had been without hot water to do the dishes and to shower and how I had been unable to heat the apartment in the evenings. I got it to work temporarily once by banging on it really hard, but that only worked one time. I know what is wrong with it, but I am unable to fix it myself and need the hot water heater man to come and do it for me, and he has been called today and will show up some time tomorrow. Tonight, after I came back from walking the Überhund, I was cold and out of habit, turned up the thermostat and the hot water heater started up. Can you believe it? It is a freak occurrence and it will not do it again unless I give it the proper bang, but at least the apartment got warmed up. I am ever so grateful for that.

So, that was the story about the hot water heater and imagine always having to go without it and always having to heat water on the stove. Bbbrrr...

I am between moods. I can rightfully say that and know that I am not fooling you or me, because it is completely true. I am neither here nor there and it is an interesting place to be in. It was interesting this morning when I was at creative therapy and I realized at some point that I had forgotten to take all of my medications before I left the house that morning. Nothing realy awful happened, except that I got a little rowdy towards the end, but then so did everybody else and I don't know if that was through my instigation or if they were just in the mood to be that way themselves, but we had fun. We fooled around a lot as if we were real crazy people. When you are really crazy, you can do that.

I'd like to tell you that I took my medication immediately when I got home, but I didn't, because I was distracted by several items that came in the mail and then I walked the Überhund. By this time, the world was starting to take on a bit of a surrealistic glow and I knew I would have to remember to take my pills as soon as I got home, but for some reason I forgot them again and got side tracked doing something else. When I completely lost my ability to remember what I was doing, I remembered that I had not taken them and then I did with a tall glass of juice, because I figured the sugar would be good for my brain and set me straight quickly. Then I sat on the sofa for half an hour and did nothing while I waited for the pills to start to work a bit before I was off on some half baked job that I would be unable to complete because of lack of concentration.

So, that was the story about the pills. I need my pills and not taking any of them all at once is not a good idea.

I got such an affectionate welcome from the Überhund when I got home. It was as if he literally wanted to physically bond with me, because he got as close as he could get and didn't want to stop being petted. I always make a big deal out of greeting him, as if it is the most important thing I can be doing at the moment and, let's face it, it really is. It is like coming home to your child and giving it all the attention it needs. I hope that I was that way when my children were little, I seem to remember that I was, but time may have distorted my memory. I loved the children so much, I loved them to distraction, but you can never let them know how much you love them, because you have to set them free.

Once I am half way through the day and past it, after I have been gone to my therapies and have taken care of some odds and ends when I get back to the apartment, I never feel like cleaning or vacuuming or doing anything important that is going to make it look like an industrious Hausfrau lives here. I just can't be bothered. I tidy up a bit and make it look as if somebody cleaned it in a hurry with a lick and a promise. There is always the everlasting battle with the dog hair and the grit that somehow always gets walked into the apartment by the Überhund and the cats who don't know how to wipe their feet on the rug by the door.

If I want to clean properly, I have to start first thing in the morning. That's when I am in the right mood, but I know I have to make a list of things I have to do that I haven't gotten around to yet, for one reason or another. Mostly because I keep putting them off for some rainy Tuesday. As if you can wash windows on rainy Tuesdays. Pretending the Queen is going to come over for a cup of tea doesn't work anymore, because even I have stopped believing in that fantasy. I've become such a realist lately. I don't care who comes over to see my unwashed bedroom windows. Well, maybe if it were Harrison Ford...yes, yes...whenever I think I don't like men anymore, I think about Harrison Ford naked and I wonder if he is well built.

So, anyway, I had to take a nap this afternoon, because I became completely incapable of functioning with all my gears running properly. I laid down on the sofa and the Überhund thought it meant that I was going to rub his belly, but I was unable to keep my eyes open. Sometimes you just need to sleep for a little while in order to function properly again. I find that when I can't think straight, it is usually because I need to sleep and not because I am going crazy. Sleep is a great big healing machine.

When I woke up, the Überhund was right there, nudging me with his nose, because it was time to go for a walk. Apparently he had been waiting patiently for me to wake up. When we got outside, for a change, it wasn't so awfully cold like it has been and it was almost pleasant to be outside, although still wrapped up in a scarf and jacket.

An awful lot of leaves are falling of the trees now and people are sweeping themselves silly and it makes no difference at all when you live on a street with tall majestic oaks. The street cleaning machine was out there too, cleaning the parking spaces, but it is all in vain, because next week there will be new layers of leaves. It is very pretty and like snow, because you can shuffle through them and the Überhund thinks there is food hidden in them. He may be right, god only knows what's underneath them. Old people especially like to keep their bit of the sidewalk clean and you see them furiously pushing a broom ahead of them, doing battle with the leaves that continue to drop down around them and then they don't know what to do with the huge pile they've collected, except to leave it there in the corner of a parking space.

I've had 3 cookies and 2 slices of raisin bread today and I am not hungry yet. I am going to make a triple portion of Cup a Soup in a while and I make that with little hot water so that the soup gets real thick. It's delicious. I have to find my joys in food wherever I can.

I would tell you about the Tax Office, but I am not in the mood now, so I'll tell you about that some other time. You can't get all the suspense at once.

The day has gone by so quickly, but then it seems that when you get older time sort of speeds by. This morning I had to convince myself for about 10 minutes that it really was Monday already and I was too late putting out the trash. During those minutes of doubt and me not paying attention, the trash man came and silently took all the neighbors' trash. How could I have missed all that noise?

Well, that's enough for me for today. It's been a ramble and I have enjoyed it. I could go on and on writing about whatever pops up in my head, but then you would all get bored and I would not get to my soup.

I am going to very cozily turn on the TV and hope for an English thriller or something in that genre. Silent Witness has been especially good and I always try to remember when it is on, but very often miss it.

Ciao...