Many words are wasted...

I've got an extremely grumpy mood and I think it's because I just woke up from a nap. I must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed or I haven't had enough coffee yet. The sun is shining outside so it's not the weather's fault. I must drink another cup of coffee and see if that will straighten me out. I can't stay grumpy because I am my own worst enemy this way. If I could kick myself in the rear end, I would do it. 

I don't usually wake up grumpy from naps. As a rule I am quite reasonable. I only need the coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind, not to put me in a good mood. As a matter of fact, I'm a quite mild mannered person and not prone to grumpiness. That doesn't mean that I don't think a person is not allowed to be it once in a while. We can't all be saints. There is a time and a place for everything. A lesser mood does happen when you're a mere mortal. Besides, the Greek gods were famous for their moodiness.

I know I will get over it in no time at all and that this will not last. I'm not going to stay grumpy for the rest of the day. It's just a temporary hitch in the system. Just by writing about it I will start feeling better. And I can always talk myself out of everything, including temporary grumpiness. 

In the meantime, I'm having another cup of coffee and I'm already starting to feel better. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I just made another pack of cigarettes from my dwindling tobacco supply and I think by tomorrow I should be all out of it. Then it will be time for the nicotine patches. I'm lucky that I still have those and that I don't have to go out and spend the money on them because they are expensive enough. 

It's been a great day today in which nothing of importance happened whatsoever and that was fine with me. I watched the news updates a lot because politically there's a lot going on right now and I do want to stay informed. It looks like we're going to have elections on September the 12th and that gives all the parties time to prepare for them properly. Having elections on June the 27th was pushing it a little bit. Personally, I'm more than ready to go out and vote but there are always those floating voters who can't make up their minds. 

When the sun disappears, it immediately gets colder in here and I've had to turn on the heater. I have the feeling I should be eating hot soup or other hearty winter fare. I have at this moment a terrible craving for a stew or a chowder and I wish I was in the States so I could easily take care of it.  I guess I'm in the mood for some real American food but that is hard to get. I wouldn't mind going to a Denny's right now and having my pick of the menu. 

I think that's all I have to share. I've got to put my bathrobe on over my clothes so I'll be warm. I'm a great sufferer of the cold.

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

Pete and repeat...

I'm in an extremely warm and fuzzy mood because I've just woken up from a life renewing nap and I'm now having a cup of coffee and a cigarette. The circumstances couldn't get much better than this. For just a little while anyway, I can let myself believe that everything is perfect and that I've landed in heaven. It isn't every day that I can say that. I do have to treasure the moment and share it with you. 

The sun is shining into the living room and, because I also had the heater on for a while, it's nice and warm in here. That was a pleasure to wake up to. I feel warm all the way through my bones and that doesn't happen all the time. It's good because my bathrobe is in the washing machine and I'm not able to wear it right now. 

I did finally remember to stick it in there and wash it after emptying the pockets. That was a crucial factor because there were all sorts of things in there that wouldn't have survived the wash cycle. It would have been a right mess if I hadn't taken them out. Especially the paper tissues would have created a disaster. 

After I put together the bed for the guest room yesterday, I had all the carton packing material that I didn't know what to do with stacked up in the hallway. The animals and I kept having to step on top of it if we wanted to go anywhere and it really was in the way. I was a little puzzled as to what to do with the very large pieces but today I got it sorted out.

I got a box and folded everything into as small as possible enough pieces so they would fit into the box. It really turned out to be fairly simple and not that much work and I was done in no time at all. The dog helped me by standing on every piece of carton that I wanted to fold. He was very thoughtful that way. I did appreciate it very much. Now the box can be put out by the sidewalk for the people of the recycle truck to pick it up. 

I didn't put together the dresser but have decided to let the Exfactor do that with my able help. I'm a little bit intimidated by the heaviness of the flatpacks it comes in and I think putting it together will be more work than I anticipated. The bed turned out to be. The Exfactor may be just a little more technical than I am when it comes to putting together complicated pieces of furniture. 

I mustn't say that because I'm sure I'm quite capable of it, but I'm letting myself be intimidated. I would do it if left to my own devices. Circumstances dictate that I'm more helpless now.

I must get back to my Zen moment that I was in at the start of this post. The dog is telling me it's time to go for a walk, however, and I suppose I will take him out now. I do hate to make him wait. He's such a well mannered animal. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Surprisingly...

to my surprise it is evening again already, although the sun is still shining brightly in the sky. Now why do you think that is? Isn't that a nice effect from daylight savings time? I think that was the whole purpose, wasn't it? Or is this just the way it is supposed to be always? I am very confused. I better not think about that too much. I may damage my brain. I haven't had enough coffee for that. 

I took a nap, but I also think that my sleepiness is a side effect from the tranquilizers and I think I'm going to try and skip the one I take in the afternoon and see if maybe I don't get as sleepy then. It isn't all that great to get so calm that it makes you want to go take a nap. It does make me feel oh so tired. I feel like lying down all over the place and I have no energy to do anything. I think that's not quite the purpose behind them. 

It was another lovely day with lots of sunshine and pleasant enough temperatures, although it isn't really that warm yet. It just feels that way to us deprived people. We aren't used to anything. I've got the windows open on a crack, but I do feel a bit of a draft and it's a bit chilly. I'll have to put on my bathrobe over my clothes if I want to keep myself warm enough. I do so dislike being uncomfortable. 

Today I wanted to be on the beach of a tropical island in my bikini with a fruity cocktail in my hand. To me that seemed like the ultimate bliss. I would really like to feel the warm sunshine and the equally warm wind on my body. I would like to be warm all over. If I had to, I would find the shade of a palm tree, but at least it would still be pleasant. I would get a terrific tan and swim in the perfectly clear blue sea and eat delicious fish from the ocean that was grilled over an open fire.

A woman can dream, can't she? There are people doing this right now. 

I mustn't spend too much time fantasizing, although a little bit of it is okay. In your imagination you can do many interesting things and make your ordinary life more fun. When I was in Cabo San Lucas in Mexico, the circumstances were nice enough to make me think I was in a tropical place and I got a good taste of it and will never forget the experience. I can remember it whenever I need to escape in my head and I have more memories like that. 

What I most miss is being warm. 

I've got to fix myself some dinner and make something hot to drink. That should warm my cold bones. I act like it is a cold day in winter. I must be getting old. 

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Please skip the scepticism...

I think the medication for my stomach is beginning to work because I can eat a little bit better without it causing me as many problems. Needless to say, this is a great relief. It's a great thing when you can eat something without your stomach going in an uproar. I can't eat a lot, but just enough to satisfy my hunger and I can eat four or five times a day. 

I can't believe how much my stomach problems influence my mood. I used to think it was the other way around, but it isn't. I can be in a perfectly good mood until my stomach starts to act up. I get so uncomfortable and frustrated then. I stay uncomfortable for at least two hours, so it takes a while to get back to normal. It's good to realize which comes first. I'd go through life thinking I was one heck of a frustrated person. 

I'm very optimistically minded, really, and I'm usually in a good mood. As long as my stomach agrees with me, I'm one happy camper. 

The day went by quickly and I hope that the weekend goes by quickly also, although I do look forward to being a bit lazy. As a matter of fact, I look forward to that a lot. There's nothing better than lounging around in your bathrobe and making the morning last as long as possible. Postponing the start of the day with a cup of coffee and navel contemplation is very pleasant. 

The dishes have been done, the bed's been changed and the laundry has been washed and hung up to dry. The apartment is all clean too. That doesn't leave much for me to do. This weekend I will have to start reading again out of self preservation. I have several new books to choose from, one of them in Dutch. I will have to see which language I will want to read in. 

I have to watch the news and be a well informed person again. I haven't watched television all day. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

Ciao,

Nora

Forgetfulness...

I'm glad it is the weekend and I can leave this awfully strange week behind me and have two very ordinary days. The reason I say it's been an awfully strange week, is because it feels as though it's been filled with out of the ordinary events and that it actually contained more than the ordinary amount of days. The days went by quickly enough but there seemed to be so many of them, making it look like a long week. Looking back on it now, it seems like a very odd time.

I'm more than ready for things to return to normal and for me to find my natural niche again, albeit in a somewhat modefied form. I do take my experiences and the lessons I learned from them with me, but I can't put my old self overboard and conjur up a whole new person. I think I was trying too hard to do that. I was forcing a metamorphosis on myself that was too far removed from my original self and it became painful. I can't chuck myself out with yesterday's rubbish.

To thine own self be true. 

I'm sitting here with a glass of cold milk in my comfortable, warm bathrobe, but in my mind I'm already going back to bed. I think I'm ready to go to sleep so I can start the weekend properly in the morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

Dream a little dream of me...

I'm sitting here in my bathrobe with cold hands and cold ankles. I only have myself to blame because I haven't turned up the heater. I want to be stoic and pretend I don't need to because I will go back to bed again shortly. Besides, it really isn't that cold in here and the rest of me is warm enough. It's only the exposed bits that are chilled. I did just started drinking cold milk so the inside of me will be chilled too soon.

I didn't have an internet connection when I first got up, but I had been warned by my provider that I might not have because they were going to be working on the network during the night. After waiting patiently for some time and reconnecting the modem a few times, I had my connection back and could do all the fun things I'm used to doing when I get up during the night. I do have to perform my rituals before I can go back to sleep. 

Yesterday I received a Christmas care package that I'm sure my personal helper arranged for me. It was rather a large box and in it were all sorts of good foods that are perfect for this holiday season. It will keep me from having to buy some things that I had on my shopping list. There was even a bottle of wine in it and a package of coffee. It was a complete surprise as I had not expected one this year. 

Yesterday was sort of an odd day. I felt out of sorts and couldn't concentrate on anything. I was aware of the fact that things needed to get done, but I felt unable to do them. I decided in the end that the day was going to be a waste and not to worry about it and that I would catch up later when I felt better. I didn't get back to normal until the evening when I finally landed back to earth and felt connected again. By that time I had to go to bed, but at least I went to sleep in a good state of mind. 

Of course now, during the night, I'm very capable of rational thought and I can think about the day ahead with much clarity and it all seems very simple. I hope I still feel that way when I get up again in a few hours. I always have much courage during the night, but it seems to leave me during the daytime hours.

I will go back to bed now and get under the warm duvet. Outside it is very cold and it feels like -11C. At least it isn't snowing. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

I wasn't quite ready for it yet...

I went to bed late in the evening after watching a thriller thinking I was ready to go to sleep, but when I was lying there, sleep didn't come no matter how hard I tried, so I got up again and made myself some coffee. I did what I usually do in the middle of the night only now I did it a little bit earlier. The fact that I didn't sleep yet doesn't bother me. I will stay up for a while and amuse myself until I'm ready to call it quits for the night and go to bed again. Sooner or later I will get the sleep I need. I've got no place to go in the morning and I can sleep late providing the dog will let me. 

The coffee tastes very good and is turning me into my usual cheerful self. I'm lucky that caffeine does have that effect on me and that I can count on it. It provides me with many happy moments. You could say that it's the drug of my choice. It and nicotine are the crutches that I stand on. I do want to quit the nicotine soon though. It's a bad habit that I can ill afford. I think about quiting quite often and try to determine when would be a good moment. I want to succeed and am trying to figure out how to best achieve that. It's a resolution for the very near future. I'm coming around to it. I've even thought of accupuncture and reading that book by Allen Carr that helps you quit. 

I'm sitting here very cozily in my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. Outside it has stopped storming and all is quiet for a change. I hope this is the end of the foul weather. It did really hit us today. Luckily, there was no snow, just hail and lots of rain.  I'm more than comfortable now though, and oh, so warm. I should always be dressed in my bathrobe because I would never be cold. 

I think the thriller that was on tonight was called 'Trial and Retribution.' It was very good and kept me up and mesmerized. I liked the people who had the lead roles as they weren't the usual glamour types. They were unknown to me, but that doesn't mean much. I'm not up on all British actors. They were very believable and the plot was good. It was the usual well done British thriller. The BBC does have the budget to turn out good ones as opposed to Dutch program makers who don't. It does make a difference. 

I'm drinking cold milk now in preparation to getting ready to go to bed. It's waking up the orchestra that's in my stomach and producing quite some sounds. It's a good thing that I'm sitting here all by myself. It would be embarrassing to do this in company. It will settle down soon enough after I have had the last little bit and it has passed my gastric band. It always protests loudly before it does. Milk must be enough like a solid food to behave this way. 

I've told you all I have to say for now. I suppose it's time for me to go back to bed. I'm not really sleepy, but I'll try anyway. I can't think of another thing to do. The dog and the cat are sound asleep. I'll take the lead from them. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

. 

At the danger of writing another dull post...

I'm a person who does learn her lessons the hard way and after writing a very dull post yesterday, I put myself in danger of writing another by trying to improve on it tonight. There are, of course, no guarantees and it is possible that I will hopelessly fail in my mission. That will be a double whammy then and I will never live it down. But I've got to take the chance because I can't live with the thought of failure. 

I'm working on my second cup of coffee and it is giving me, you could say, Dutch courage, although there is no alcohol in it. I'm not so foolish as to try that because, although it would loosen me up tremendously, it would also make me drunk and I certainly don't feel like being it. By all rights I should have a couple of beers, but I don't happen to have any and that's probably for the best. I don't like the after effects. 

I woke up with my T-shirt drenched in sweat and stood outside by the back door on the patio in order to cool off. The cold night air quickly did that while the dog went about his business. I could have stayed out there a while longer and really have gotten chilled to the point that I would have needed my bathrobe, but I'm still sitting here without it now. I'm radiating warmth and it's not cold in the apartment either. I must be having post menopausal hot flashes. 

The best thing to do now is have a glass of ice cold milk because it will not only freeze my frontal lobes, but also cool down my body. It's guaranteed to work. The coffee has straightened out my mind sufficiently and I can think clearly. It's nice to mess with my head and muddle it up with the coldness of the milk. It never ceases to effect me and give me a different experience. 

I wore two different outfits yesterday because I was not satisfied with what I was wearing initially. I delved into my closet and found something completely different, although I don't know why I bother because hardly anyone sees me. I must be practicing for a very active social life. The second outfit was put together of old and new elements and pleased me very much. I could have gone out on a date if I had wanted to, but I looked good enough to make myself happy. 

I'm waiting for my hair to grow back in so I can go to the hairdresser. I think I cut my bangs a little bit too short. I will have to wait a couple of weeks for them to catch up with the rest of my hair. It's very easy hair that I've got now and I hardly have to do anything to it when I get up. Isn't that what every woman wants? I just look a little bit too much like a hedgehog and I didn't want to look quite that cute. I do want to be taken seriously. I am, after all, a grown woman.

I can't go on the bathroom scale and trust the result it gives me. It is much too high and then tells me that it's an error, which I totally agree with. I think the battery is low and will have to be replaced. It's one of those complicated scales that wants to tell you everything including your date of birth when all I want to know is my weight. 

I don't know that right now, so I can only go by how my clothes fit me to know how well I'm doing. My skinniest jeans are a little big. I wash them regularly to shrink them, but as I wear them, they slide down my hips again. I do have hope, but I don't want all my clothes to get too big on me because I like them well enough and I don't have the money to replace them. I must make do with what I have. Does that seem like an odd sort of reasoning? 

I'm sufficiently cooled off now and have put on my bathrobe. I stood out by the back door again because the dog imagined that he had to go out again. I don't think he actually did anything there. I'm having another glass of cold milk because the first one tasted so good. The night can last a long time for all I care. It's very cozy here by the light of the desk lamp.

I will have to go to bed shortly because I do need more sleep, but I can sleep late in the morning. It's Saturday, after all. It's not going to be a warm day and I may not have the proper outfit for the cold, but I'll be tough and withstand it anyway. I do have to be a tough Northern European. At least I'm not in Scandinavia where it's snowing. 

I don't now if I've achieved my goal and managed not to write a dull post, but there you have it. It is a long one anyway. I've thoroughly enjoyed writing it. There has to be some satisfaction in that also. 

Ciao,

Nora

Singlehandedly lucid...

I've downed my first cup of coffee as quickly as I could and now I'm drinking the second one at a more normal rate. I wanted to inhale the first one quickly so as to become clearheaded as soon as I could. I was slightly discombobulated when I got up and not completely in charge of all my faculties. Yet compelled to stay up I was anyway after having gone to the toilet and having let the dog out back. 

The cold night air did help a bit and it was great to stand by the back door in my pajamas. I purposely stood with the door wide open so I would get extra chilled. It was all the more pleasant to put my bathrobe on afterwards. But it's the coffee that's really waking me up as usual. The caffeine cleared all the cobwebs from my mind. 

For a change I made the coffee somewhat strong again and I must say that I appreciate the punch it's carrying. It's like having someone rattle your brain in a very pleasant but assertive way. I had forgotten that about strong coffee. I'm almost instantly carried to a higher plane by the caffeine. It's elevating my thinking capacities and putting me in a good mood. 

Actually, my mood was good enough when I woke up. It's not that I got up on the wrong side of the bed. I very seldom do that anymore. Mostly I'm a mild mannered woman when I wake up. Only rarely do I feel grumpy and that's easily remedied. I'm not the volatile woman I used to be, full of emotions and always on a roller coaster. I seldom take that ride anymore and if I do get on it, I get off as quickly as I can. 

But a contented person is a boring person and that's probably why these posts are not so very interesting anymore. I very seldom have anything earth shattering to report. I don't run into huge problems and don't on a daily basis spill all the beans like I used to. I feel that I mostly write for my own sake to keep a daily record of what I do. It's like writing in a diary and every once in a while I can look back on the days that have passed. 

The weekend went by very quickly and I hardly know where the time went. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but the hours sped by. I did the odd chore, walked the dog, took some naps and that was about it. I didn't even read like I had planned to. All I did was enjoy some 'Far Side' cartoons. I have a collection of them. I look at them every now and then and am always amused. They put an evil grin on my face. 

I'm glad it is Monday now and the week will be properly started. I'm ready for some action. The days of being lazy are over. But first I've got to go back to bed to get the rest of my sleep. The night's not nearly over yet, even though I'm already prepared to start the day. It's a little premature I think. 

I hope you're all sleeping tightly.

Ciao,

Nora

Meanderings...

I'm ever so cozily sat here in the semi darkness with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes in my warm red bathrobe. It isn't really chilly in here, but I pretend it is the middle of the winter and that I have to guard myself against the arctic cold. I haven't even got the heater on, but I'm wearing my socks. It's like I'm having a big old adventure all by myself in the middle of the night. A person does have to use her fantasy on occasion and make life more interesting than it is. 

Luckily, there isn't a huge snowstorm raging outside because in reality that would not make me happy at all. I'm sure I'm not ready for it. It's okay to imagine it, but to actually have to deal with it is another matter. It's very mild outside and has been for the time of year. Actually, we're having a bit of a drought and the water level in the rivers is low. We haven't had enough rain over the last weeks and for the next little while, there is no rain in the forecast.

It's been a pleasure to take the dog out for walks as I haven't had to dress really warm. There's been sunshine every day, although it's not all that strong. There's no wind to speak of, so that makes it very pleasant. The dog is oblivious of the weather and his fur is growing back in. Before it gets really cold, he should be warm enough again. He hasn't been doing any shivering lately.

He does gallivant around and keeps me in shape. We walk at a steady pace along familiar grounds and make our regular stops. I find this is better than taking a new route. A new route means nothing but non stop sniffing and raising his leg and we never get anywhere. It takes us forever to get home again. I have to be endlessly patient and wait while he minutely investigates every unexplored spot. You can imagine there are many when you are on new terrain. 

I'm a bit bronchial and have been coughing. This has caused me to have inflammation of the cartilage where my ribs meet my sternum. It's on the left side and hurts when I breathe and cough and use my left arm. I didn't have to go to the doctor to get this diagnosis as I have had this before. I'm taking Ibuprofen for it and hope to get some relief that way. There's not much else that can be done for it. Yes, cortisone shots, but I'm not much in the mood for them.

The glass is always half full and my right side doesn't hurt, so that is good. I can take cough medicine and may even have some in the kitchen cabinet. I'll have to have a look. There's an herbal one that works well and I may have some of that. I can also get some A. Vogel Echinaforce as that's supposed to be good for your resistance and there's probably some good cough medicine from that brand too. I will ask the Exfactor to get me some. A. Vogel has a good reputation. The medicines are made from plant and herbal extracts and are available in a good drugstore. 

The night does move on and it's time to go to bed again. It's the lure of my new duvet that makes it such a pleasure to want to go. Besides, I'm slightly sick and do need my sleep. It's only smart if I go back to bed now. It's tough to be sensible, but somebody has to be. 

Ciao,

Nora

Last but not least...

I'm so fully awake that I could do a number of jobs right now and It's a shame that it's the middle of the night and that I'm restricted by the darkness. Well, I'm restricted by other factors as well, but that's a result of my life's conditions and not so much because of unwillingness on my part. 

I have a great big adventurous streak and it tends to come to the surface when I'm up like this and if I had the money and the wherewithal, I would give it free reign. Give me some hard cash and a couple of credit cards and I would be on my way. I'd have an overnight bag packed in no time. Wow, a person can dream, can't she? 

I just need to be independently wealthy, that's all. Or have the pocket money of an oil sheik.

I better get my feet back on the ground lest my fantasy carries me away completely because that's so easily done. Before you know it I'm in Paris sitting in a sidewalk cafe watching Parisians walk by with baguettes in their arms. And I do have to go back to the Louvre and explore it more extensively. 

Most museums have websites where you can see their whole collections quite well. They are usually laid out very well and easy to navigate around in. It almost makes you feel like you're there for a real visit. You do get a very good idea of what's there and where to find it. It suffices when you can't go there yourself.

For now I'm just sitting here with my inevitable cup of coffee and my cigarettes getting a little chilled because I don't have my bathrobe on yet. I didn't do that purposely because I was so hot and bothered when I got up out of bed. I think I shouldn't sleep in pajamas at all, but modesty dictates it even though there are only the animals here.

I think I'm going to buy a nightgown next when I'm in the mood to shop. It will be a nightie like an oversized T-shirt. Maybe that won't be as warm to wear. 

It's an overcast night and it's slightly drizzling outside, but you can't hear the rain fall. It's no good opening the bedroom window to try and listen to it. I won't hear a thing. I will open the window anyway because it's not cold outside and it will be nice to let the fresh night air in. It does get stuffy inside otherwise. As long as the dog does not shiver, it will be alright. He's my temperature gage.

Since today is Saturday, it's a 'Day of for Dummies.' That's what I've decided to call this day. You don't need a lot of brainpower to get through it.  You can pretty much arrange the day as you see fit and let it happen almost by accident. At least, it's that way in my case because I have no major commitments. It's a much easier day than Sundays, when I really try to make something of it. 

It's with much happiness that I can tell you that the speed skating season has started and yesterday we had the first races of the Dutch championships. There will be more on today, so I will not be bored in the least. I do love speed skating and I especially like watching the men's races. I love how strong and fast they are and how graceful. I am a living and breathing female after all. I do love the well developed male shape.

It's time I go back to bed. I've got to do a little bit more sleeping instead of going off on an adventure. The morning will start soon enough. 

I hope you'll all have a great weekend. 

Ciao,

Nora

It's hardly surprising...

I made the coffee not so very strong, necessitating me to drink more of it to get the equal effect. I actually like the taste of it better this way, although I always claim to like a strong cup of coffee. I guess it really isn't so and I'll have to remember that the next time I make a pot of coffee. I do always have to learn my lesson the hard way. I hope I can always manage to put less ground coffee in the filter.

I will enjoy my cup of coffee better and it will not be such an onslaught to my stomach which is protesting less. I'm sure a cup of strong and bitter coffee is not what it wants. But I am like a donkey who kicks the same stone twice and it will be a learning process that I will stubbornly go through until I get it right. Remind me not to brag about the punch the coffee carries and what a kick it gives me. It will be because I'm on the wrong track. 

I also have to remember not to dawdle and put my bathrobe on right away instead of sitting here in my pajamas getting cold. It's like that doesn't register immediately and I wonder why I am so uncomfortable. Once I do put my bathrobe on, I'm immediately aware of the difference and I chastise myself for not having had the sense to do it right away. It makes me wonder how well I really function when I first get up in the middle of the night. 

I think I'm not as logical as I could be and have to wait for it to slowly catch up with me as the coffee starts working. I'm only a ghost of the potential me when I first get up, although I'm never in a bad mood. I'm just a bit slow witted and function below par. I really shouldn't make any big decisions in the first twenty minutes, although I'm happy to say that none are expected of me. 

I'm fine now and warmly enveloped in my bathrobe. I have socks on my feet and couldn't be more comfortable. My brain is functioning and I couldn't think straighter. I could do any sort of task now. It's a pleasure to be up knowing that I will go back to bed again shortly and finish sleeping. It's the simple things in life that make it worth living and sleeping well is one of them. I always do that best early in the morning.

Getting up the second time is a little bit harder. My body and mind do protest a bit more. It takes me a while longer to get my act together. I give myself an hour to sit in my armchair and become a semblance of a human being. I'm actually one before that time, but I like to start out slowly and to gather up my bravery to face the day. That is always a bit harder than facing the silence and darkness of the night. Looking presentable and walking the dog are big chores in the morning. They are not to be taken on lightly. 

The dog is snoring on the sofa, but he will follow me back to bed. The cat is already there waiting for us. 

Today will be lovely weather and that's something to look forward to. The sun will be shining all day.

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

No, not writing that...

In order not to write down any nonsense, I'll have to severely censor myself. I sometimes have no business writing a post and when I do, I have to edit it better and leave out half of what I put down because it is sheer poppycock. Having established that, I will now very carefully try to write a halfway decent post that's not full of malarkey.

It's late at night and I'm sitting here in my pajamas with my cup of coffee and my cigarette. I really need to check if my bathrobe is dry after I had washed it because I'm a little bit chilled. I will do that shortly after I have finished this cup of coffee. It's the little comforts that make life worth living and a warm bathrobe is one of them. It's good not to take that for granted. 

I am now having a long moment of sheer contentment and happiness for no apparent reason at all, except that all is well with the world. All is well with my world. All the ingredients are in place to make it so and I do feel that I have to mention it. I feel a total absence of stress and anxiety and can only count myself lucky for what I feel instead and I appreciate the contentment even more than the happiness. 

In the meantime, I've put on my bathrobe and it smells of washing powder and is warm and comfortable. It envelops me completely and reaches down to my ankles. What more could I ask for? 

The dog is gently snoring on the sofa and it sounds very cozy. He was trimmed yesterday and is only a shadow of his former self. He does look awfully cute and his eyes look twice as big in his new short haired appearance. He hasn't shivered yet and doesn't seem bothered by the loss of all his fur. Hopefully, it will not get too cold for a while and he will get the chance to grow back some of it before winter comes. I will not have him trimmed again now until early springtime. 

My appointment with my new therapist went well, although I didn't have much to talk about. I think I need to be a little more forthcoming. I will be as I get more comfortable with her. She's a very kind woman and I have no reason not to trust her, but it will take me a while to get used to her. I will slowly let her in on my life. Little by little. 

The Exfactor and I did the groceries yesterday and that was a huge success. I had made a list of things I wanted to get and it was quite different than it had been in the past because I'm changing my diet so drastically. That's why I had to go to the store myself, to see what was available for me to eat. I basically had to stock up on some things and get fresh fruit. 

I got some very good plums, one to eat every day because that's all I can handle with my gastric band. At least, if I do want to eat other food too. I had a small dish of Mexican rice for lunch and a beef patty cooked in butter for dinner. That was delicious, but I still feel full now, hours later. 

Today will be a fairly quiet day as Thursdays usually are. It's raining now, but the weather should improve during the day. I only have a few chores to do, but if the weather allows it, I will take the dog for a long walk.

I'm going to bed now to lie under the warm duvet. I hope you'll all have a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Scribbling down the words...

I'm having a nice enough time sitting here in the middle of the night with my usual cup of coffee and my cigarette. Isn't it just the perfect scenario for me? I couldn't ask for a better setting. It's as if all the items are set in place and I fit in with them perfectly. 

I fill my niche completely. All I have to do is get up and make coffee and sit down in my desk chair behind the computer. The rest happens almost by itself. I'm a single middle aged woman with a set routine that will probably never change. And I like it. 

All that will happen is that I'll slowly grow older, but I'll ignore that for now. Maybe if I don't pay close enough attention, I won't notice it, although I must say that I've gotten used to looking into the magnifying mirror that I've just gotten into my possession and it tells me a different story. 

In it I see many wrinkles when I apply the soothing Zwitsal baby lotion to my face. But then I tell myself that no one else ever sees me quite like that and turn the mirror over to the normal view. That's much less painful. I'll have to remember to not get up close and too personal with anyone. 

The one comfort that I do have is that all the wrinkles in my face are laugh lines and are caused by me smiling or laughing a lot. I can't think of a better reason for them to be there. That's so much better than having a droopy face and the furrows that go with that. 

I've remembered to put my bathrobe into the washing machine and it is now waiting for a full load that I can wash. I'm sitting here in my warm, gray, oversized cardigan which is mostly wool and keeps me warm too. 

For a change, I'm wearing a matching set of pajamas because I reorganized the stack of matched and mismatched pairs of them.  I didn't even know what I owned anymore and was surprised to find the matching pair. I've also organized my tank tops and T-shirts.

Sometimes you can look at a semi-mess for a long time and grow so used to it that you forget to do anything about it until one day it dawns on you that you can and that it's relatively simple to. All you have to do is wrap you mind around it. 

I now have three neat stack of clothes on my shelf system and it's fairly simple to keep them that way, providing my domestic help doesn't get it in her head to reorganize them. She does have an independent mind sometimes and does things that are beyond my logic. 

Yesterday was a good enough day, although it was cold and dreary and it rained for part of it. It wasn't exactly cheerful weather. I had to postpone walking the dog in the evening and he was kind of put out about that because he thought we weren't going at all. 

Luckily, when he despaired, it stopped raining and we took a romp around the fields. Today it's going to be a little bit warmer, but it will only be temporary and tomorrow it will be wet and cold again. The dampness is really the worst. The cold is not bad and it would be great if there were sunshine.

I'm going to sit in my armchair for a while now and read. It's not nearly dawn yet and I have lots of time left. The day is my oyster. Hopefully there will be enough excitement in it. I'm more than ready for some. I'll have to make it as interesting as I can. I'll make sure I'm up to the challenge. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

The starry sky...

I stood outside by the back door in the cold night air and looked at the starry sky and it made me wish I was in the countryside where I would have been able to see many more stars. That made me wish I was camping in the desert by a campfire, drinking a cup of hot coffee and looking up at that sky. I would have worn very warm clothes and had a very warm sleeping bag for the cold desert night. 

Isn't it nice to have a fantasy like that? I can pretend it really happened having spent time in the deserts in New Mexico and California and having seen the night skies there. Thank goodness that I do have those experiences to fall back on. All I have to do is retrieve some of my memories and I'm there. They are the film fragments in my mind. They are stored there for the rest of my life. Even if I get demented I will remember them.

I hope to never get demented and lose my memories, although if I could selectively eliminate a few, I would gladly do that. There are some memories I have that seem to have no other function than to cause me heartache and I can do without them completely. I wish I could pick those out of my memory bank and delete them. Those are the ones that rear their ugly heads when I get depressed and when I have the least use for them. But I mustn't think about that now. I'm feeling good and it is time to only think of the better memories. 

Because of the open windows, there's a draft in the apartment and I think it's rather pleasant. I feel the cool air moving around me ever so gently. I think it's very refreshing because, as usual, I like to feel just a little bit on the cool side in the middle of the night, as long as I'm wearing my warm bathrobe. My hands and feet are cold, but my nose is warm and I'm still drinking hot coffee. Outside there's a cold wind blowing. Because of the wind chill factor, it feels like it's 37F out there. Brrr...

I didn't get around to reading yesterday morning, so I haven't picked out a new book yet. I will have to do that today. I went back to bed and slept late because it was going to be an empty day pretty much. I managed to amuse myself doing nothing important at all and that's a real art too. It takes a certain amount of finesse. I've got to put some thought into choosing a book lest I get stuck with another boring one. I will not regain my love for reading in that case. I do leave bookmarks in the books that I leave unfinished in case I get in the mood for reading them again. 

I've got to decide what I'm going to do now. I'm either going back to bed or staying up to read. I do need the sleep, but I'm not quite ready for it yet. If I had cows to milk, I would go milk them now. And chickens to feed. I'll go look on the bookcase for an interesting book. Maybe it will jump out at me and grab me. 

Have a nice Friday all of you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Definitely early in the morning...

I've had my coffee, so I'm more than alert enough and quite capable of writing a post. That is, providing I can think of enough interesting things to write about. It is always a bit of a problem so early in the morning when nothing much has taken place yet. I have to rely on my imagination and my memory of the day before, but with the caffeine in me that shouldn't really be all that difficult. It does jar my braincells into action. I haven't had a cup of coffee yet that doesn't have that effect. I've had two of them and that ought to do the job.

I was sitting here in my pajamas, but now that I'm drinking a glass of ice cold milk, I've had to put on my bathrobe. It really should have been washed in the last load of laundry, but I was loathe to miss it for any length of time. It smells a bit stale and musky and I'm going to have to wash it anyway. There's no way around it. I'll have to wear my gray woolen cardigan if I get cold while I wait for my bathrobe to dry. That's not too bad either and it will keep me almost as warm. 

Last night I failed to finish watching an episode of 'Lewis.' It was interesting, but halfway through I started yawning. I thought about staying up and finishing watching it, but I started longing for my bed. In the end. I put my pajamas on and took my sleeping pill and was sound asleep in the shortest amount of time. I think I put my head down on the pillow and was instantly asleep. 

I'll have to get off the sleeping pill. I'm going to have to slowly cut down. It's not that it really helps me sleep anyway. I do enough of that without it. I'll have to discuss this with my psychiatrist and do it under his guidance. It will be good to get off it because I don't know how much it influences my state of mind. It's supposed to be a pretty powerful pill and it's best to do without it. I don't want to take anything that alters my state of mind like that. That is a barbiturate. I should be able to do this, just like I did with the tranquilizers. 

I don't have anything special on the program today. I can actually be as lazy as I want to be, but I'm not really in the mood for that. I'm going to have to try and think of some things to do, besides sleep late when I go back to bed. Thursday is always my day off and I usually don't have anything planned on that day. I must try and get a busier schedule. I should find something to occupy myself with in the long term. I'll have to make a commitment to something.

I've got to take my medicines and go back to bed. I'm not nearly done sleeping. Another possibility is that I'll sit in my armchair and drink tea and read for a while. I will have to find another book because I'm so not taken with the one I'm reading. It's turning into a chore to. That can't be the purpose of a relaxing activity. I'll have to look on the bookcase and see what books are left unread. I'm sure there are many to choose from. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

How do I love thee, Sunday...

I'm warmly wrapped up in my bathrobe early in the morning after a chilly, rainy night. It's not actually all that cold in the apartment, but it feels like it is because of the damp air coming in through the open windows. 

It's still too early in the season to close them and to turn on the heater. I won't make the energy company that happy. If I dress warm enough, I won't be bothered by the cool air at all and as the day progresses, it does get a bit warmer in here. 

At this moment, I'm more than ready for the day to start, but it may be a dose of too much optimism on my part and I may change my mind later and go back to bed to sleep a little longer.

The whole point is to get through Sunday in the most optimal way and any method is allowed. However you put your Sunday to use is good. There are no rules. I can be as unregulated as I want to be and do whatever strikes me as right at the moment.

I am going out this afternoon. My sister and I are going to an art exhibit and afterwards we are going to have coffee at her house and lightly celebrate my nephew's birthday. He turned 17 on Friday.

We probably won't be able to sit in the garden because it's not going to be all that warm today and we may get some showers. We're experiencing fall weather, which is only appropriate for this time of the year, I suppose.

I will have to think about which clothes to wear. I suppose it should be Sunday apparel but I'm in the mood for wearing whatever I feel like. I will have to see what I can conjure out of my closet. 

I will have to dress keeping the weather in mind. I don't think it's time yet to wear two layers, but the time for short sleeves is over. It's time for cardigans and long sleeved tops.

I'm yawning and have decided to go back to bed for a while. It's still early in the morning and there's no reason yet to be up. I will take my medicines and pour myself a glass of cold milk and crawl back under the warm duvet. 

I hope you'll all have a terrific day.

Ciao,

Nora

A tale before bedtime...

I'm sitting here freezing my buns off because I'm drinking ice cold milk and hadn't been smart enough to put my bathrobe on first. It does make a difference if you do and I'm now waiting to start warming up again. 

It isn't really that cold in here, despite the fact that the bedroom windows are open still and that it's an autumn night outside. It was just my body suddenly cooling down after I had sat here quite comfortably in my pajamas for a while drinking coffee. 

I've slept a few hours and woke up with a perspiring head and wet hair. That's a side effect of the medication increase, I know now. I used to think that it was because I was in the menopause, but I think I've got that well behind me.  At my age I should be. I'm not having hot flashes during the day. 

This is the second night that I only took one tranquilizer and if anything, I feel even more normal now. I most definitely don't feel under the influence of anything, although doubtlessly I still am. But what I take now is so little compared to what I used to take that it's bound to make a major difference.

After I had been up in the middle of the night the night before last, I only slept for a while longer and got up fairly early in the morning. I didn't take my usual nap all day and also didn't feel the need to drink a lot of coffee. I was pretty alert all on my own and in a good mood. 

I started fading after dinner yesterday and went to bed early. I had clean sheets on the bed and that was a sheer pleasure. I put my head down on the pillows and pulled the duvet up to my shoulders and was asleep pretty quickly after that.

Now I'm yawning and tired, which I wasn't the night before last. I think I will go to bed shortly and have myself some proper sleep.

I wore my cowboy boots yesterday with my skinny jeans and felt like a regular tough broad. I liked walking the dog and stomping around in them. It made me feel as if I was making a statement. Especially since I was wearing my leather jacket also. Accessories make the woman. 

Have a good day when you wake up. 

Ciao,

Nora

Hardly any fools around here...

It's in the middle of the night as usual and I'm sitting here with my excellently brewed cup of coffee. I can say that about myself, that I brew coffee well, because it's the truth. At least, according to my tastes it is. I like a cup that packs a punch and this one does. If I had socks on, it would knock them right off, as the saying goes. 

Luckily, I'm sitting here barefooted because it isn't that cold inside. The hot coffee is heating me up and I'm wearing my warm bathrobe. There will be no socks flying around the living room, although that would please the dog very much. He's always stealing my socks if I don't put them away carefully. It doesn't matter if they're clean or worn. 

I had a good day today, except for not having gotten enough sleep initially. That does affect your outlook and makes you just a bit less cheerful, even though you try to be. It feels like you have jet lag and constantly need to lie down without being able to. I finally managed to get caught up on my sleep and felt a heck of a lot better after that. When in doubt about your mood, always take a good nap. It will fix you right up. 

Right now I keep falling asleep behind the computer, but I do have little revivals during which I have bursts of energy. I am yawning something awful and it makes me hopeful for when I go back to bed. That coffee doesn't seem to have made much of a difference.  I'm going to drink a glass of ice cold milk and see what that does to my thinking capacities. Hopefully it will jar me awake a little bit  temporarily. 

I have no big plans for tomorrow other than to do some chores and to feel good. It's only a very short time ago that I felt miserable every day and I'm still getting used to feeling well. I still feel that it's all very precarious and don't quite believe in it yet. 

I have to get used to having steady mooded days in which I regularly feel the same way all day long. I also have to get my sleep schedule in order better. I get up too early in the morning and suffer for it all day long. I need to get it back to how it used to be and not over optimistically get out of bed too soon. I must take a nap in the afternoon and not skip it. It's very important that I do. 

I always have to remember that I have to build in predictability and structure. Those are the two very important ingredients for me to function well. It's not a good idea to start messing with them. It's the sameness of each day that does me well. 

I suppose I will go back to bed now and try to get as much sleep as I can. I hope I'm sensible and don't get up too soon. 

Have a good day you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Conflicting messages...

I had to make myself a cup of coffee because as I sat here reading blogs and leaving comments, my eyes started to fall shut. It was not my intention to go to sleep at this time of the evening because it is way too early. I've got to wait a couple of hours before it's time to go to bed. 

The coffee is perking me up and with another cup I should be alright again and I won't be in danger of falling asleep. I can postpone putting on my pajamas and bathrobe and stay dressed like an ordinary person a while longer. If I put my pajamas on now, there will be too much temptation to go to bed early. I'm trying to prevent that. 

I've still got three chores to do before I call it quits for the evening. They will be done in no time at all because they are fairly simple ones. I've done the most complicated ones yesterday. It's nice to save the easy ones for Sundays. 

I must try to remember that for future weekends in case I'm ever tempted to put anything off until the last minute. I will remember that I like this system much better and that it pays to do the majority of the work on Saturdays. 

But now that I'm taking my tranquilizers during the day, I'm not intimidated by the chores anymore and don't have to put them off until the last minute. I just do them because I no longer feel the stress that I used to feel in anticipation. 

The tranquilizers reduce my stress levels and the coffee screws my head on straight. It's a great combination. One does not eliminate the working of the other and I'm no longer sleepy headed. I can now stay up and watch the news while still being very calm. 

The best thing is that I again enjoy my own company and don't mind being alone. Solitariness is now a very welcome thing, as long as the dog and the cat are around. I don't have to have long conversations and don't have much to say anyway. Whatever I have to say, I say here and that's enough. 

I really appreciate silence and solitude right now and can sit in my armchair for a long time without any noise or activity. I just enjoy the peace and quiet and the sense of being me without the stress.

I will now go and do my chores. I'm in the right frame of mind for them and it will feel good to have them done. 

I hope you'll all have a pleasant Sunday evening.

Ciao,

Nora