In an uproar...

My stomach has been in such an uproar for the past 24 hours that I've only been able to eat two rusk toasts and as a result I am very hungry. I don't dare eat anything else, though, and am glad the rusk toast stayed down. I've been trying to drink something besides water and I'm now trying to drink a much needed cup of coffee. So far, so good. I don't tolerate milk very well at all. I did miss the coffee very much, though. Who am I without my cups of coffee?

I can only think that this is a case of nerves about my sister coming to stay here and in case it is that, I have taken a tranquilizer about an hour ago. I do feel myself getting a lot more relaxed now and I think it may be doing me some good. I was also getting my headache back and I've taken a painkiller. It's very possible that stress translates itself into physical ailments in my case. It wouldn't surprise me at any rate. 

I do have a tendency to let things bother me more than I realize and they build up inside of me until the very moment that it starts to count. I seem fine until that very moment. In the meantime, subversively, the stress is creeping up on me and shows itself suddenly in less expected ways. It seems to always do that in the form of some physical dysfunction. Lately it has been my stomach that seems to be the weak spot. Of course with my gastric band it is bound to be that way. 

My domestic help didn't show up today and this was just on a day that I really needed her. I'll have to do the housecleaning myself now. It's not something I was counting on, especially not with an upset stomach. I hope I'm doing much better by tomorrow. 

The Exfactor was here this afternoon to do the groceries, but we postponed getting them until tomorrow because I was in no shape to go to the supermarket with him to get them. I went to bed instead and took a much needed nap. I sure as heck hope that I'm  in good shape tomorrow because I'll have enough to do. I also have to clean the patio. 

So you see, I'm not doing all that great. I do wish I'd get over it and I hoped that by writing about it I would. There's nothing like putting your problems down in black and white. Or in black and green as the case is here.  Through it all, I'm slightly neglecting the animals and that's unlike me. I do have to make amends as soon as I feel better. I feel most sorry for the dog who feels that something is wrong. He's my most loyal pal and about to notice it. 

I've been able to drink my coffee with some success. I would like to drink some milk now, but that may be pushing my luck. It would be nutritious anyway.

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

On food and decorating...

That's one thing I've noticed since I stopped smoking. I'm instantly awake when I get up out of bed. I don't have to gather myself together much. I still need about half a cup of coffee to cheer me up a bit, but I'm generally in good shape right away. At least I'm not sitting here dragging nicoltine and other poisons out of cigarettes and doing my head in. That was a very convoluted way to try and feel good. Thank goodness that's behind me. 

I can already smell better now and the coffee when it's just made smells very burnt. I guess I'm smelling the fact that the beans have been roasted. It smells less pleasant than I had anticipated, but maybe I don't have such a very good brand of coffee. It's the first thing you smell when you walk into the apartment, besides the smell of the deodorant coming from the bathroom. 

I suppose my sense of smell will get better over time and I think this is a nice development because a lot of memories are associated with my sense of smell. An odor can instantly take me back to a moment in my past. It's usually something pleasant that I think back on so it's no problem. I look forward to it. 

I had a bit of a slow day today. I had to try and find ways to amuse myself and it wasn't easy. I already walked the dog three times and took a nap twice. I guess all I can say is, thank goodness for the Internet. It does keep me occupied at the most boring moments. It and watching the news are good diversions when I need to fill my time.

I have to admit that I'm hungrier now that I've stopped smoking. My stomach growls regularly and naturally I feed it. At least, for as far as that is possible with my gastric band. There is a limit to how much food I can put into it. I do feel like eating hearty foods like fried eggs and salty crackers. I really feel like eating Chinese food and have a huge hunkering for it. It's too bad that I can't eat those portions, they are too big. 

On another subject, the living room has got all its final touches and, except for painting it, there's not much left that I can do to it. I will always be on the look out for interesting and colorful items to add to the decor. That will be like a new hobby for me. I will also always look for interesting art, although I really think I like the artist that I have the watercolors of now. But you never know what I will run into. I will not exclude anybody else. 

I think the living room and the bedroom will really be ongoing projects and that I will collect things for them and keep decorating them as the mood strikes me. It will be a little bit as if they are showrooms. That will keep me motivated to have them always in good shape and to spend time on making them look as comfortable to be in as possible. 

That's all I have to say and that's more than enough. I do carry on. I've forgotten to watch the 6 o'clock news even. I've got to fry some eggs. I'll pretend there's fried rice to go with them. 

Ciao,

Nora

I wasn't quite ready for it yet...

I went to bed late in the evening after watching a thriller thinking I was ready to go to sleep, but when I was lying there, sleep didn't come no matter how hard I tried, so I got up again and made myself some coffee. I did what I usually do in the middle of the night only now I did it a little bit earlier. The fact that I didn't sleep yet doesn't bother me. I will stay up for a while and amuse myself until I'm ready to call it quits for the night and go to bed again. Sooner or later I will get the sleep I need. I've got no place to go in the morning and I can sleep late providing the dog will let me. 

The coffee tastes very good and is turning me into my usual cheerful self. I'm lucky that caffeine does have that effect on me and that I can count on it. It provides me with many happy moments. You could say that it's the drug of my choice. It and nicotine are the crutches that I stand on. I do want to quit the nicotine soon though. It's a bad habit that I can ill afford. I think about quiting quite often and try to determine when would be a good moment. I want to succeed and am trying to figure out how to best achieve that. It's a resolution for the very near future. I'm coming around to it. I've even thought of accupuncture and reading that book by Allen Carr that helps you quit. 

I'm sitting here very cozily in my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. Outside it has stopped storming and all is quiet for a change. I hope this is the end of the foul weather. It did really hit us today. Luckily, there was no snow, just hail and lots of rain.  I'm more than comfortable now though, and oh, so warm. I should always be dressed in my bathrobe because I would never be cold. 

I think the thriller that was on tonight was called 'Trial and Retribution.' It was very good and kept me up and mesmerized. I liked the people who had the lead roles as they weren't the usual glamour types. They were unknown to me, but that doesn't mean much. I'm not up on all British actors. They were very believable and the plot was good. It was the usual well done British thriller. The BBC does have the budget to turn out good ones as opposed to Dutch program makers who don't. It does make a difference. 

I'm drinking cold milk now in preparation to getting ready to go to bed. It's waking up the orchestra that's in my stomach and producing quite some sounds. It's a good thing that I'm sitting here all by myself. It would be embarrassing to do this in company. It will settle down soon enough after I have had the last little bit and it has passed my gastric band. It always protests loudly before it does. Milk must be enough like a solid food to behave this way. 

I've told you all I have to say for now. I suppose it's time for me to go back to bed. I'm not really sleepy, but I'll try anyway. I can't think of another thing to do. The dog and the cat are sound asleep. I'll take the lead from them. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

. 

Who told me it was time to get up?

By my standards, it's still relatively early in the morning, especially for a Saturday morning when I can really sleep as late as I want. I've already been up for a while and have had my cups of coffee and am about to drink my first glass of milk. 

That will be my first meal today because I can't stand the thought of food first thing in the morning. Unless I was going to a Denny's in California and got to order a complete American breakfast, but how am I going to manage to eat that with a gastric band? There would be much drooling over the food and little actual eating and most of it would go to waste. 

You see how I do a lot of wishful thinking and in my head create situations that don't remotely have the chance of taking place so I'm worrying for nothing. I'll just stick to my glass of milk. Another problem has been helped out of this world. Everything should be solved as easily, but then again, maybe it can be. Who knows if much of what I want isn't actually wishful thinking? 

I do have a tendency to get caught up in trains of thought that are complete fantasies and that have nothing to do with reality. I suppose you could call that ordinary daydreaming, but I find it to be a waste of time that leads you nowhere and only takes you down the wrong path. It's best not to go there at all and to stay in the here and now. 

Today I have to try and take care of a couple of chores. It's for the sake of my own peace of mind that I'll do them. I'll be able to relax better for the rest of the day once they are done. That's why it's important that I stay up now and don't go back to bed. I will save whatever need for sleep I have left in me for my afternoon nap and that will be in a bed with clean sheets. 

I'm yawning something awful, but must completely ignore it and get the show on the road. The first thing I'll do is take the dog for a walk. The cold air will do me good.  It's not going to be a warm day today and we may even get some more rain. We had rain and thunderstorms yesterday. They were quite spectacular. 

Have a good Saturday you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

...and other tales of comfort.

I just took the dog for a walk in the cool evening air. It had rained briefly in the afternoon and the sky was overcast. There was even a little bit of a breeze and I needed a cardigan over my skimpy clothes. At least the dog was not uncomfortable because of the heat like he was yesterday. Right now it's only 66F, so it's not very warm. I think it's just right. 

After I took a nap this afternoon, I had a small bowl of chocolate pudding because I craved chocolate. I usually do when I wake up, although sometimes a small package of crackers will do. I eat plain crackers, but lately I've been craving salty, cheesy ones. I think I will have the Exfactor get me a box of those and I will see how much I like them. 

I don't want to like them too much and eat them all at once. If I do that, I don't want them in the cupboards and I won't get them again. I make a box of crackers last a whole week and I want the cheesy ones to last that long too. The Exfactor is doing the groceries tomorrow. I'll keep you up to date on the cheesy crackers. 

I make the chocolate pudding last a long time and never run out. I only eat one bowl a day, but I thoroughly enjoy that bowl. The pudding is cold and smooth and satisfying and I eat just enough of it. My gastric band can handle that amount. It's a real treat and it has to stay that way. 

That's why I'm not really going to get any ice cream. I know I would eat the ice cream all at once until it was all gone because I'm crazy about it. It's not such a good idea to have something like that in the freezer. That's why it's so good to have the chocolate pudding instead. I'm much more sensible about it. 

Ice cream would go straight to my hips and I don't need it there. That doesn't mean that I will not go to the best ice salon in town this summer because I know I will. I will have a large ice cream sundae with real whipped cream on top. That will be my special treat. I can't wait to go. I'll ask the Exfactor to go with me.

In a little while, I'm going to change the sheets on my bed and make it a real treat to go to sleep tonight. I'll put on the sheets that were dried outside on the clothesline. They smell heavenly. I've been looking forward to it, but kept putting it off for one reason or another. I'm very determined now. 

I will wash the dirty sheets right away and hang those outside to dry tomorrow. Hopefully there will be no rain and if there is, then that's just too bad. Things are bound to dry sooner or later. Today's shower was only a little one and the clothesline is protected by a lot of trees. I will hope for the best. 

I hope you're all having a good evening and a good start to the week. 

Ciao,

Nora

Sleeping successfully...

Yesterday I cheated on my vegetarian diet and had a meatball for lunch. I had been craving something hearty like meat for quite a while now and I think it was my body's way of telling me that I had a shortage in my diet.  I had not eaten meat for a long time and I didn't know what was going to happen if I did. Was I going to be struck by lightening, for instance?

I didn't know if my gastric band was going to be able to handle a whole meatball, albeit not such a big one, but I chewed it slowly and carefully and all went well and I felt very satisfied afterwards. The full feeling lasted all afternoon and my stomach was very happy. I guess that's what I needed all along. 

For dinner I had half a bowl of chunky goulash soup and it was the first time that I tried that one. My personal helper had recommended it. It had big chunks of vegetables and mushrooms in it and I think I detected some meat in it as well. It was delicious anyway and I ate it with pleasure. I had a small bowl of chocolate pudding for dessert later and ate some crackers before I went to bed. For a change I had a really full stomach. 

Maybe that's what made me sleep so well because I slept for 7 hours and for me that's almost some sort of record. The longest I have slept so far is 9 hours, so this is getting close. It's very tempting to tie my successful sleeping to my diet and I think I will. I will pretty much eat the same things today that I had yesterday and see if I can sleep as well again tonight. It's worth the try. 

Oh, and I had lost a kilo when I went on the bathroom scale in the morning. You see what a difference it makes when you weigh yourself in the morning as opposed to when you do at night. In my case I lost 400 grams overnight just from sleeping. That's a whole pound. 

It's a normal time in the morning now when ordinary people are awake too. For a change I'm just like everybody else. I won't know what to do with my time. Of course, there are the inevitable chores such as the dishes, but I have all day to do those. 

I suppose it would be a good opportunity to pick out a good outfit to wear. It's going to be nice weather today and I'll have to wear something appropriate. I have a dress in mind that I like very much, but there's another one that I also like and I may give that one a try. It's a toss up between the two. One is more casual than the other. I suppose I'll have to pick the one I feel most comfortable in. 

Right, I have to get the show on the road. The dog needs to be taken for a walk. He doesn't know that yet. He's sound asleep. It will be a total surprise to him. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Outside it's raining...

I have to keep in mind that I'm an optimist otherwise I'd forget about it. I'm in search of my good mood because I just woke up from a nap. At this moment everything seems sort of dreary and dark, but that is doubtlessly also because of the gray and damp weather. The cobwebs that are still in my head from sleeping are adding their own shadows to my present outlook. 

I have made a cup of coffee and I'm counting on the caffeine getting me over this somber state of mind soon. It doesn't do at all to sit around feeling burdened by pessimism. That's not how I normally go through life and I think it doesn't suit me at all. I'm not a doomsday thinker and I do always assume that every cloud has lots of silver linings. 

I always very much look forward to my nap in the afternoon, but I have to tell you that it's a struggle to come back to life when I wake up from it again. The first few seconds I think I'm okay, but when it comes to functioning it's a whole different story. Suddenly everything seems unsurmountable and I think I can't make it through the rest of the day. 

Luckily, I know this is a temporary condition and I'm only momentarily fooled by it. I know I have to take action. I have to mentally point myself into a whole different direction and completely overhaul my attitude. And make myself some coffee.

That's just what I've done and I'm already starting to feel better. I've even had something to eat. I mustn't neglect my stomach and feed it on time. I can easily ignore hunger pangs and only feel them in my subconscious where they hardly register. I have to be really hungry before I realize it. Eating is not a big item on my agenda. It's something I have to do to survive, but because of my gastric band, it's not something I do with a lot of pleasure. 

It keeps raining and I still have to take Tyke out. I will have to choose an opportune moment when it's not coming down too hard. Tyke is sitting in front of the window looking longingly outside. He wants to be out there very much. I don't think he realizes how wet it is. I will have to let him out back first. 

Gandhi was out there for a little while, but came back in quickly. She's a typical cat and dislikes getting wet. She has yet to enter the bathroom when I'm taking a shower, unlike Tyke who sticks his head around the curtain and licks up the soapy water.

Have a good evening, all of you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Sleep failure...

I'm up in the middle of the night after having slept a couple of hours. Apparently that was enough for now. I'm happily sat behind the computer with a cup of coffee and a cigarette in my big red bathrobe. Gandhi is eating her kibbles and Tyke's sound asleep in the armchair. I'm very thirsty and will have some lemonade next. Cold refreshing lemonade. I can't wait. 

It must be because I make the coffee so strong that I'm so thirsty. It dries out the inside of my mouth. I have literally no spit left. I don't eyeball the coffee in the filter right and always add a little more than I should for fear that it will be too weak. I do dislike a weak cup of coffee. Needless to say, the coffee in the pot always turns out on the strong side. It almost tastes like espresso and it kicks a punch. I really need to go back to a Senseo machine with the pre-measured pads. It was cheaper in the long run. 

Yesterday I was wearing a mini skirt that was sliding down my hips, it was so big on me. All day long I neglected to find a belt for it. Luckily I was wearing a long top over it. Instead of a mini skirt it slid down so far that it looked like a regular skirt. In a short amount of time I've lost five kilos. That's just from reducing my medicines. I'm not eating less. 

All my skirts are big on me and so are my other clothes, although I really should say that they fit me better. They are less of a problem than the skirts. I haven't tried on my jeans, because I seldom wear them, but I'm sure they'll be too big also. I'm not going to buy anything new until I'm done losing weight. 

I have no clothes that are smaller than what I'm wearing now, although I do have some sun dresses that were tight on me last summer and that may be just right this time around. We'll see. It will be something to look forward to. I'm glad I wear a lot of dresses because they have the tendency to fit better longer than pants do. 

I'm going to look for something completely different to wear today. I'm thinking of wearing a tighter, more colorful dress over leggings layered with a loose open top with long sleeves. It will be an experiment. I feel like doing something a little more adventurous.

I've made spaghetti two nights in a row. I let it cook a little bit longer than I normally would so it is easier to digest and passes my gastric band better. I had a jar of ready made sauce that came in the care package I received at Christmas time. I do have to use it up now before it spoils. I can eat a fair portion of the spaghetti before I'm full and it does give a very satisfied feeling. I go to bed with a full stomach. 

Speaking of going to bed, I think that's where I'll go next. I do need to sleep a little more. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

 

Silences and books...

If you look at it optimistically, it's very early in the morning, though that doesn't mean that it's anywhere near dawn. Of course, it's still wintertime so the sun does get up late. If it were summertime, it would be different and the early birds would be twittering now. It is a sound I will welcome and not soon enough. There's nothing happier than early morning bird song.

I've got hours of darkness left while I sit here and drink my coffee and try to amuse myself. I've just taken my vitamin pill while I thought of it and I will take my Omega 3 capsule when that huge vitamin pill has passed the narrow opening of my gastric band. The Omega 3 capsule is rather large too and I'm afraid to take both at the same time. I would hate to cause an obstruction while being especially mindful of my health.

It's with some amount of pleasure that I welcome Saturday. Because it's a weekend day, I will spend it as I like and have no schedule that looks like anything during the week. I will do some chores and walk the dog, but it will mostly be at my leisure. I will watch cultural programs on television and start reading a new book, because last night I finished reading the book that's in my sidebar. 

I had read half of it and put it aside and never got around to finishing it. I picked it up last night and sat down in my armchair and did and with much pleasure too. I didn't put it down until I was done with it and even forgot to watch the news. That's saying something. It may be because I know Laurie Hertzel from her blog that I was especially interested in this book, but it was just plain good and fun to read.

I have a variety of novels on my bookcase to choose from, but I want to make the right choice, because I'm a picky reader right now and not just any old book is going to grab my attention and make me sit down long enough to finish it. It does have to be especially good and have many redeeming features. I have to have a good look at each one and choose carefully.

It's still stormy outside and cloudy, but it's not raining. It's not going to be especially cold, but the gusts of wind make it feel colder than it is. It will be a good day to mostly stay inside and hunker down. At least we're not having snow and ice or that terrible snow storm that the people in North America are having. Those are real extremes of weather that we don't have to deal with. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

Instinctively...

 

I always feel that whatever I write here has to be very inspirational.  That I can't just write about run of the mill matters here and ordinary things that occur in my day to day life. God only knows where I got such an idea. It's not as if this blog is loftier than my other blogs, so I shouldn't treat it that way or try to write  that way, otherwise I may get intimidated and develop writer's block and that won't do at all. I need to take this blog down a notch or two and make  it a reflection of how I really am and how I really think and not some blown up literary attempt at pretty prose. Having said that, I will now get down to business and write something plain and ordinary.

I've already slept tonight. I went to bed early, after I watched the eight o'clock news and found out about the latest developments in Tunisia, but I woke up after several hours and was wide awake again. The time it takes my 'falling asleep' pill to stop working. Now I have to wait for real sleep to hit me again. That will be some time towards the morning. In the meantime, I've had a cup of coffee and I'm now drinking a glass of milk, which is thirst quenching, but is making me feel cold. I'd better drink a glass of warm milk or a cup of hot chocolate, but the latter always makes me feel very full, as if I've eaten a meal. My gastric band can't handle anything substantial. 

I have to find some ways to amuse myself tonight and there are several possibilities. Looking for good templates is one of them. That's always a sport that I don't tire of. I can spend a long time looking for the right one. I'm also going to be looking for interesting bits of writing for the website Six Sentences, which I recently have gotten a renewed interest for. It makes me pay attention to the quality of things I write and have written. I can also go in search of images to accompany these blog posts. I do use them up quickly, but there are always more to find. I'll be looking for especially colorful ones as opposed to the black and white ones that I usually post. A body does want something different every once in a while. 

It's in the middle of the night now and I feel very good. It's so nice to sit here in the semi dark all be myself and to know that the world around me is asleep. It's not raining outside and merely cloudy. It's not all that cold either. I was standing by the back door earlier and it was very doable while I waited for Tyke to finish getting done with his business. He is a slowpoke and does take his time, unless I pretend to walk away and leave him there, but then he may start to bark and I can't have that late at night. It would upset the night rest of my neighbors.I do have one especially delicate neighbor who will let me know that he's not pleased.

I must be off to do other things now. I have dawdled long enough. It's taken me forever to write this little bitty post. I have made cigarettes in the meantime and checked my facebook account. Sometimes it's hard to stick to the job at hand. There are also emails to answer. I've seen those come in, but have resisted reading them. I do have some self control. I've got to wait for it to become morning so that I can go back to bed. It will be with much joy that I do. I will be more than ready to.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

More coffee, please!

I'm brewing a pot of coffee and I have to be patient for just a little while. It will be done in the shortest amount of time. That's the drawback of having an ordinary coffeemaker, that you do have to wait, even if it really isn't for such a long time, but I am a modern human being and I want instant gratification. It's as simple as that. Even I at my age am a product of this era and I want everything available instantly.

That makes me sound like an impatient person and I'm really not. I can have infinite amounts of patience and wait endlessly for some things, but when it comes to the little comforts in life, I guess I'm not patient at all.

In the meantime, I have my cup of coffee and I can get on with things. I don't want to get bogged down in a treatise about patience and the virtue thereof and the benefits for those who wait. Much has been written about it already. You sure don't need my two cents worth on it. 

I've slept well, but I don't know if I've slept long enough. I had some trouble falling asleep last night and I got up after lying in bed feeling very bored and trimmed the hair around Tyke's eyes so he would be able to see better. I imagined that he was very grateful for that and as a result he wanted lots of cuddles and petting, so I laid in bed and provided that for half an hour.

My stomach was upset because of the fruit juice that I had just before I went to bed and I was forced to drink a glass of milk to settle it. That did help. I listened to an interesting political discussion on the radio and slowly drifted off to sleep. I won't get into the long, drawn out subject of the political discussion. A not so popular solution was found to solve a problem that could have ended the majority rule of the government. The opposition is digging in. Swords are being sharpened. There will be a debate. It will lead to nothing. 

That's not such an upbeat subject to blog about. Let's change it to something else. 

Contrary to what I thought, I don't have any appointments today, so today is a day off. I will do laundry and take a shower and wash my hair and generally try to stay out of trouble. I think I will go back to bed in a while and sleep some more. I have the feeling that I'm not quite done yet. I always do get sleepy after I've taken my morning medication anyway, which I just did. 

I can't drink another sip of coffee, I'm so full. My gastric band must have shifted, because lately I've been getting that feeling quickly. Or maybe I just don't handle coffee as well as I used to. I'll switch to milk and see if that makes any difference.

This is turning into a boring account of nothing special at all, so I'm going to end it now and go back to bed. 

Have a good morning!

Ciao,

Nora

Before the morning starts...

I'm up before it's even dawn and no doubt this will necessitate me going back to bed sometime today to sleep some more, but never mind. I do have the time to do that. I have no appointments and no one coming over. It's a free day. I will go back to bed when I feel that I can't stand on my two legs anymore and that I will fall asleep while I'm doing whatever chores I find to do. In the bedroom the radio is softly playing, so I can go back to it whenever I please.

I didn't sleep for a long time. I had to go to the toilet and let Tyke out back and then I was so wide awake that I stayed up. I'm always so full of curiosity and action when I get up at that time. It's like I can't wait to start the day and wait for the sun to come up to shed light on it. I'm too impatient to stay in bed, no matter how nice and comfortable it was in there. I'm definitely an early morning person.

If I had a garden, I would be out there first thing with my cup of coffee and do whatever I could to make it look better. Pinch off dead flowers, remove dead leaves, pick out snails, admire my handiwork. I'm going to fertilize the soil of my flowerbeds next spring and plant shade loving plants there, never mind that Tyke will probably pee on them. I'm an optimist and assume that most of them will survive. I will pick hardy plants that can take a beating.

The peanut butter sandwiches worked out well. I can eat one if I cut off all the crusts and feed those to Tyke who gladly eats them up. One is just enough and then I'm full, but I savor each bite and I can eat again a couple of hours later. I forgot how good peanut butter tastes and how well fresh wheat bread tastes. It's a pure luxury to eat those things and I'm in 7th heaven when I do. I have a glass of cold milk to go with it and it is very good, though I can hardly finish it. The gastric band does restrict me and that's a good thing, because I would have many peanut butter sandwiches if it didn't. I do have a tendency to find my solace in food and now I can't. I just have to be creative with the foods that I can eat and find ways to get full and get my nutrition.

Yesterday afternoon I sat in my armchair by the light of the reading lamp with a tall glass of milk and read my novel. To make myself more comfortable, I had the armrest pillow of the sofa at my side so I could lean against it. I had put a pillowcase around it that fit it perfectly and matched the decor. The pillow is always picking up cat hair and Tyke likes to toss it to the ground so it gets dirty easily. I have to find the matching pillowcase for the other pillow. I'll have to dig into the closet where I'm sure it is. My complimentary colors are red and yellow.

I read my novel and I'm sure caught up in it. There is a terrible secret in it that's bound to be revealed in the end and we are slowly being led to the revelation, but not without there growing a terrible misunderstanding. This evolves out of a sense of shame and madness. Actually, you get the sense that one of the main characters of the book is really a terrible woman and that she must be very mad indeed, but I suppose I will understand it better in the end. I don't feel a lot of compassion for her as yet. She irritates me terribly and I find little excuse for her behavior. But that's me looking at it with my 21st century eyes. The novel takes place in the early part of the 20th century when norms and peoples' motivations were different.

The formation of our government is at risk. That's a good thing because the coalition that's trying to be formed is a very faulty one in my eyes and in the eyes of many other people as well. It would be a coalition to the right with the support of an extreme right party. Now there is some serious backlash from the members of one of the coalition partners who say that you can't seriously govern with that extreme right party and stick to the principles of the constitution. There is a crisis. It seems that nobody, including the queen, ever took the attempt at this coalition seriously and didn't think it would go as far as it did. Unfortunately, power hungry people did and are very eager to rule the country and be prime minister. A dangerous game was played and now we have the almost disastrous results. These are grown up boys playing at politics and seeing themselves as very important people. I think it is very risky and they need to be stopped. I hope and pray for a good outcome.

I seem to have pulled a muscle in my shoulder and it won't stop hurting. I think I need a good massage, but I don't know anybody close by who could give me one. I may try some pain medication and see if that will relax it some, because it tightens up the muscles in my neck too. There's always some ache or pain somewhere in my body. Well no, I shouldn't say that. Sometimes there is. I'm sure everybody else has the same problem. It's just a result of living and being a human being. My back recovered well and I can sit behind the computer again without any problem. I took some pain medication for it and that cleared it up in no time. I will try to do the same thing for my shoulder.

I hope you all have a terrific day with beautiful weather, but rain for those of you who need it badly.

Ciao,
Nora

Up before dawn...

I went to sleep early last night and as a result I'm up early too. I slept on the sofa and fell asleep with the TV on. When I woke up, I found a broken glass and shards of glass on the floor and knew that Tyke had knocked it off the table. I don't know if he ingested any pieces of glass with the milk that was in it, but if he starts vomiting, I will know soon enough. I am worried about him now, but he has done this once before and it all turned out well. I was in contact with the vet then. Things you worry about when you have a young dog. It's not even funny, is it?

Well, lets not let that set the tone for the rest of this bit of writing. There are happier ways to start off the day and better ways to start a post. I just can't think of them right now. I'm sure I'll come up with something shortly. Oh, that does remind me that I have not weighed myself in some time. I do have to remember to do that some morning before I have had my coffee, while I'm still in my pajamas. You get so used to your body looking a certain way, that you don't pay too much attention to it on a regular basis, only in short obsessive intervals, and then you stop weighing yourself too. At that time it's just not the most important thing on your mind.

I sure don't miss the extra Welbutrin now that I only take one pill. I still get sad when I take that one, but I find going to sleep really helps then. But I don't miss the second one at all. Of course, it hasn't been that long since I have taken it, so anything can happen still. I shouldn't jubilate too soon. I may be talking differently by tomorrow. Today my psychiatrist is going to call me, though, and I'm curious as to what he will have to say. Maybe he'll say that I can stop the Welbutrin altogether, but that may be a little bit too much to hope for. I'll know at 2 o'clock this afternoon.

I'm going to lie down for a while now after I take my medicines and finish this later when I'm a bit more lievely.

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In the meantime it is a lot later in the day. Well, it is afternoon and I've just had a cup of yogurt and I'm awfully full now. I think I may have overdone it. I feel it slowly seeping through the opening in the gastric band and little by little I'm becoming more comfortable. I just ate the yogurt to quickly. That's what you get when you are greedy.

The Exfactor was here and offered to do the groceries, because he noticed that I was almost out of things. I thought that was very kind of him, because I was about to ask him to do them for me. My sister is in Italy, so we could not make our regular grocery run. I still get anxious when I think I have to do the groceries on my bike and I'll have to starting August when my sister moves to a different neighborhood. The Exfactor said that he'll always do them for me, though.

My psychiatrist just called and said that until Monday we're going to leave things the way they are now, since I'm doing well, and Monday morning he's going to call again and decide what changes we are going to make. He's one for the careful and patient approach. Ha, the patient approach! Right...

I have to go lie down again now. I get tripped up by sleep. I need to do it at all hours of the day. My duvet is in the washing machine. I had to do quite a bit of shoving to get it in.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Early in the morning on a Wednesday.

It's early in the morning again and I have been up for a while. I thought I would take the opportunity when I felt rather good and write a post. That is, if my little dog is going to let me. He is playing with Gandhi right now, but wants to involve me in the game also. Oh, he's decided to lie down by my feet now and be quiet. That's good, it helps if he doesn't jump on the keyboard. It does enable better writing, technically speaking.

I didn't sleep well during the night. My stomach was upset and that bothered me quite a bit. I had a slice of salami before I went to bed and that did not sit well. My gastric band wanted to reject it. The best thing to do was to get up and have things settle down there. A vertical position helps, so does drinking something. A cup of coffee works as good as anything, because it isn't about acid, but about mechanics.

I have to clean house today, because my friend Yvonne is coming over tomorrow afternoon for a cup of tea. That's a good motivation to get some things done around here. I'll gladly clean the apartment if a friend is coming over. I can't think of a better reason to. Well yes, if the queen were to come for tea, but she has yet to let me know if she is. Though why that should matter so much is beyond me. I am a republican, after all, and I don't mean that as opposed to a democrat.

I'm also going grocery shopping with my sister tomorrow afternoon, even though I'm not out of supplies yet, having lived very frugally this past week. I don't know how that happened, but it just did and I have made everything last. I do have to buy special puppy food for Tyke, because he's been getting regular dog food now and I'm sure he needs the special nutrients that are in puppy food. He has a fantastic appetite and would eat nonstop if I allowed it and he likes everything. I'm not used to that.

I've not been reading much these past few days and am still stuck in the same book. I'm nearing the end, though, and will try to finish it today. Then comes the hard choice of what to read next, because I have so many unread books to choose from. I'm thinking of trying Anita Shreve next. I have quite a few of her novels. I was thinking of reading "The Pilot's Wife." Does anyone know that one?

Well, I'm going to take my medicines and lie down for a while. I may even eat some breakfast now that my stomach has settled down again. I'll watch the repeat of the news while I do that. It pays to stay informed.

Have a good day!

Ciao...

Lobster Soup.

I had lobster soup for dinner and it even had some real pieces of lobster floating in it. It was delicious and I finished all of it, as opposed to what the Exfactor assumed, that I would have to eat it in two portions. Ha ha, he doesn't know the size of my stomach. Soup passes my gastric band easily and goes straight down where it belongs, in the warm cavity of my real stomach where it very happily gets digested. Goodness, that feels good. Now I need a real lobster tail with some melted butter for afters. Or a delicious vanilla pudding, homemade, still warm from the cooking. See what happens to me when you give me good food? I get a hunkering for more. I'm going to raid the cupboards in a while to see what I can come up with. I can always drink green tea with lemon and sugar. That should settle my cravings for something sweet.

It was a day dedicated to sleep. Well, what else is new, right? After I typed my post this morning, I took my book and laid down on the sofa and pretty soon was sound asleep with a cat lying on top of me. This was not the most comfortable way to sleep as I had to keep the cat from toppling off. I woke up and walked the dog in the little bit of snow that was falling and then crawled under the duvet in my bed where I slept a few more hours. This was all very pleasant and meant that I wasted my whole day in a slumber. It couldn't be helped. Sometimes that's all I am capable of.

When I took the dog out again, there were a couple of centimeters of snow and there's more to come tonight and maybe tomorrow. Then again, it may rain and it will all turn to slush. Right now it looks very pretty and unspoiled, but it may not last. Winter is fickle so far.

Now the dog and I are very pleasantly sitting here by the light of the desk lamp. Actually, the dog is now trying to dig a hole into the area rug before he lies down comfortably. He just can't seem to get it right. The rug is not co-operating at all. This is causing the dog to feel some distress and he keeps walking away in frustration.

My older sister just called from up north where they are really having winter and lots of snow and much colder temperatures. We are at -3C now and she was at -10C. Those few 100 kilometers make a lot of difference. They've had snow and frost for a while now, while we have had relatively mild temperatures.

Well, it's time to go to bed. I hear it calling me ever so softly. I can't wait to get under the covers and sleep. It is my favorite thing to do, after all. I'm like a hibernating animal in the wintertime, burrowed deep into my den.

Have a good night!

Ciao,
Nora

First Christmas Day.

In the Netherlands we celebrate two Christmas days on the 25th and the 26th, so today is the first Christmas day. We don't as a rule exchange presents, but do start off the day eating good things with our cups of coffee and I just had a double chocolate chocolaty cake with peach filling at my sister's with my café latte. It was almost like eating pure chocolate, it was so good, and I could have had all I wanted, but unfortunately one piece was all I could handle and it was on the small side too. My sister would have liked to invite me for dinner as well, but since I can't eat anything she's going to serve, that's an exercise in futility and frustration, so we don't even consider that. It's very disappointing when you can never have dinner at someone else's house, but that's the price I pay for the gastric band.

We reminisced and talked about our childhood and about our mutual marriages and about our children and about what we have in common and how we function as human beings. We come from the same nest and have the same kind of oddities and the same kind of unique attitudes. We are more similar than we are different and that became apparent today as we shared some of our deeper thoughts about ourselves and how we deal with relationships and problems we run into as a whole. We are not so far removed from the core as we think we are. Our childhood very much influenced who we turned out as people and left a big impression on our personalities and we struggle with it regularly. Why this subject came about today of all days is a mystery, but sometimes we find ourselves in these conversations.

Last night, after I finished writing my post, I made lists of all the books I have mooched and that didn't take all that long. Then I arranged the rest of the books by color and I was done with everything within an hour. I need some bookends, because not all the cubicles are filled up, but I don't know if I have any of those. The Exfactor may have some that he may let me have. I'll have to ask him. I need some very simple metal ones, the kind they use in the library. I have one or two of them, but I need about three more. I should have grabbed what I could when I had the chance. I was not greedy enough.

Anyway, the bookcase looks great and I have two cubicles that can be filled with more mooched books. Some cubicles are tightly packed and not a pin can be pushed in between. That's what happens when you try to get all the same colors together.

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I've just slept two hours on the sofa. I was falling asleep behind the computer, practically nodding off. I think I need a cup of coffee and a strong one too. Tsk, tsk, nodding off while I'm writing a post, it's terrible. I hope I'm not that sleep inducing when you read it.

I've made myself a cup of strong coffee and now I can join the living again. The first thing I had to do was feed the dog, who then refused to eat because I was not right there beside him while he ate. So I stayed by him while he ate what was in his bowl. Silly dog. The cats weren't pleased, because that didn't leave anything for them to eat, beside their own kibbles. It's hard to please everybody and I don't even start trying.

So, I've wasted First Christmas Day doing absolutely nothing noteworthy, which is as it should be. Tomorrow is another day and I will finish my chores then, although officially it's a holiday. I don't care, though. You can have too many holidays in a row too and I need to vacuum my bedroom. There are dog hairs there that need removing and the bathroom floor needs to be mopped. I'm a great one for doing chores, aren't I? I talk about them more than I spend time doing them.

Does your dog scratch the rug too in order to make a good place to lie down? My dog is always doing that, as if he digging himself a hollow to lie down in. Apparently he thinks it works, because he keeps doing it.

I have to go walk him now and thank goodness it has stopped raining, because it was doing that nonstop too earlier. It's a balmy 4C outside. Nowadays you're thankful for any degrees above zero Celsius. All the rain has made the last of the slippery snow disappear, so that's good. No chance of breaking your neck anymore. Watch, these were my famous last words as I found the last patch of icy snow.

I hope you're all having a good time celebrating this holiday. Amazingly enough, it doesn't bother me that I'm spending most of it on my own. It is fine, as I have the animals and I did see my sister and I will see Joost on Sunday. But it really isn't a bad time to spend by myself and I can always watch the horrible Christmas shows on television.

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday is lovely too...

I'm going to drink lots of coffee, because I need it, as I just woke up from a comatose nap on the sofa and I think I have the seam of the arm cushion imprinted on my face. Actually, I wasn't as comatose as all that, because I had coughing fits every now and then and that bothered the dog and he barked at me every time I did (my gastric band was regurgitating the salami I had eaten earlier). So I suppose you could say that I had a fitful comatose nap, because I was completely out of it in between the fits of coughing.

A few hours passed this way and now I have to stay up until 10 pm at least, so I'll be on a normal schedule and sleep through the night, so I can go to creative therapy in the morning. There will be much temptation to stay in bed, I know it now, and I'll have to convince myself to get dressed and go and overcome my own resistance. I'll find excuses not to go and want to give in to the lure of my warm bed and maybe I'll be in a low mood and I'll have to sleep more. All of these things can happen. I even think that I'll stay home and clean house and go grocery shopping instead, which are things that also need to happen, but I can do those things later in the day, except that it seems harder to do them then and I have lost a lot of my motivation by that time. I've run out of milk and do need to get that and I also need to buy porridge and dog bones.

For some strange reason, it hasn't rained all day, although the wind is blowing as hard as ever, reminding us that it's still Autumn and that we're not out of this low pressure system yet. The sky has been overcast all day and the sun didn't shine once. At least all the puddles in the streets have dried up and the street cleaner came by on Friday and swept up all the dead leaves. Do not very quaintly imagine a man with a broom here and a pushcart. It was all done with a truck with big revolving brushes underneath it. We do not have babushkas with twig brooms sweeping in the streets like they do in Russia. There's not that much romance in it, after all, and all the leaves on the sidewalks are removed with those horrible leaf blowers. That is, when it's not raining. When it rains, I imagine the men play cards or have their days off. Isn't it strange how you never wonder about that? What do they do when it rains?

The dog pretended he wanted to eat, but when I filled his bowl, he turned his nose up at it and went to sleep. Well, there's only so much you can do. You can't say I didn't try. It seems I spend the day trying to figure out all his different demands and it is getting worse the older he gets and I think that's because he is getting a little bit confused and doesn't know himself what he wants. He is a little bit addled and the other day he barked at a tree. I think his sight is going as well as his hearing. He bumps into things sometimes in the living room, although most of the time he navigates his way through alright. It's when he gets in tight spots that he makes misjudgments and clonks into things with his head. The other day he was stuck in the corner of the hallway, right beside the door, waiting for me to open it. I had to redirect him to the right place.

I wonder if and when I'll ever turn into a proper housewife again. I seems that I lose control over the household on a regular basis and then somehow in a short amount of time have to pull it together again, but I never get it as clean as it ought to be. It always gets out of hand and I seem not to be able to just keep up with it. I feel enormous amounts of frustration and I'm happy if I just get the most basic jobs done, such as the laundry and the dishes and changing the bed. The bigger jobs are a challenge and I only do them when I have no other choice and I don't do them well. Even my sense of pride isn't big enough to motivate me to get them done right, because I feel defeated halfway through. I used to be such a good housewife and be real house proud. I can certainly not say that about myself now. I must talk to my SPN about getting help in the household on a regular basis. Someone who will come in and do the big jobs once a week, so that I can do the little jobs in between, which there are enough of. I must clean house well this coming week, because J. is coming next weekend and I want the place to look nice and I want the floors mopped, which badly needs to happen. Oh, how I hate linoleum. I wish I had never gotten it. It's the bane of my life and it's hard to clean. I am just having an anxiety attack now, because I have so much to do.

I must look in my closet and decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow. It needs to be something new and interesting, because I've been wearing the same old thing nearly all week. It must match the green scarf I am wearing, otherwise I have to find a different scarf and I like this one a lot because it's very warm. They'll have to be warm clothes, because it's still cold outside and I will want to wear layers, which is fun. You can make amusing ensembles when you wear layers and scarves. One thing I know is that I'm going to wear my denim skirt. So I must find things to match that. I will be fun to dig into my closet and find the possibilities. The stuff is packed in there so tight, that it's easy to overlook something. And then, of course, everything falls of its hangers, which is a major frustration, and the stuff ends up in the bottom of the closet. I do always forget which clothes I have and it is always a revelation to see what I run into. I have dresses that I hardly wear, because I prefer skirts with pockets and boleros that are cute that I can wear over long sleeved shirts, but those may be too cold. Oh well, I'll see. I'll take some time and really make a study of it. It will be something to look forward to. I'll let you know what I end up with. I have some good ideas already.

I've walked the dog for what I hope is the last time today. It's funny how he can be completely out cold one moment and demanding something unknown to me the next. Usually he settles down alright at night after we've had our last walk and he really settles down when I've gone to bed. There's not a peep out of him after that, usually, I must add.

I'll go look in my closet now and see what I can come up with. Something very exciting hopefully. It must be warm, that's one stipulation. I will not be cold these coming days.

Have a good rest of the day or a good evening, actually.

Oh, those of you in England, don't send any more rain this way.

Ciao,
Nora

Wasting no time and dressed warm enough.

Because it's such miserable weather outside, stormy and rainy with gusts of cold wind, I have dressed in a double layer of clothes this morning and I am so pleasantly warm, that I am surprised at myself for not having thought of it sooner, because I was suffering for naught and being very unhappy in the cold and hating every moment of it. Now I am nicely warm, in the apartment too even, although it isn't really cold in here, but it just feels that way. I've got my green scarf wrapped loosely around my neck and am wearing my comfortable boots with my thickest socks and I'm toasty warm. I don't feel a draft around my legs, because I'm wearing two pairs of leggings. It's true, I only imagine I feel a draft and think my knees are getting cold, but the power of suggestion does a lot to a body. I don't even want to imagine that I'm cold, I want to feel that I'm really insulated. I'm wearing a long sleeved stretch t-shirt under my long sleeved top too, so my top half is also warm.

This made a huge difference when I got on my bike this morning, cursing the weather and praying that it wouldn't rain again, and I almost made it to creative therapy without getting wet, but I was warm.

The good thing about waterproof mascara is that you don't look like a raccoon when you arrive at your destination. All these things you have to think about. You could wear a hat, but it will make your hair flat and funny and you will look like a goof ball and no amount of fussing with you hair will set it right. Without a hat, there is a chance that it will get wet and that in combination with your hairspray will also give you a funky effect when you try to rub it dry with a towel. You will look like a punker and that is very hip and modern if you don't mind that look. I personally mind it less than the flat and funny look, which makes me look like a nun without her head cap on.

I always wait for the rain to stop and I say many wishful little prayers and make deals with a higher being. As soon as it stops raining, I rush out on my bike and try to get wherever I'm going before it rains again. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't. Sometimes it starts to rain when I'm out walking the dog and he picks that moment to decide he's found a very interesting spot to sniff for a very long time, until it dawns on him that it is raining and that he doesn't like that and we can go home. Needless to say, we´re wet by that time. Luckily, I don´t much mind the smell of wet dog and it disappears when he is dry again.

The gusts of wind make you feel cold through and through and that is really what you have to dress for. It´s more miserable than a cold freezing day without wind.

My sister came and picked up the paintings from creative therapy today. All five of them and it was the first time she saw them. She liked them a lot and told me to sell them for a lot of money. I´ve got them stacked against the wall of my bedroom now and I don´t rightly know what to do with them. I´ll have to ponder on it for a while. I suppose I can hang some of them up on the wall space that I have left, but I don´t have room for all five of them and I really should try to sell them, but I don´t know how yet. I´ll think about that. The problem is, that I´m attached to everything I make and only want them to go to people I like. The other thing is that I like a lot of people and if I knew they got good homes, it would be good advertising for me too. Like the collages. I could send those to people in a tube, if I knew they would get properly framed at their destination. I know one person who has a shop. I need to get in touch with her and see about selling my stuff there. I also want to frame some things for myself to hang up in the living room.

So you see, you create and create, but what do you do with it? That´s the question.

I was tired of lugging cans of dog food home with me, so I went to a pet store on line and ordered dog food there. I figured out what I spend at the store every month and then picked out what I could afford. It will be delivered free of charge in a few days. The dog has a surprise coming to him. He is going on a diet and will be getting smaller portions and more dried food. I will have to be very strict with him and not give in to his sad looking cocker spaniel eyes when he refuses to eat the very good dried food. I got him the best and he has to eat it. It will be a matter of his willpower against mine, except that he can bark when he´s stubborn and wake up the neighbors. He´s got that trick all figured out. He knows if he barks early in the morning, he gets what he wants sooner.

A slice of rye bread is the size of a slice of cake, but then much thinner. I just can´t eat a whole slice of rye bread with luncheon meat on it. The last bite or two are for the dog. I have to pay close attention to the feeling in my little stomach above my gastric band and as soon as it gets the least bit of pressure on it, I have to stop eating. As a matter of fact, I should spit out the bite that I have in my mouth and not even swallow it. That will prevent all discomfort. I have to chew my food very well, really grind it into the smallest possible pieces before I swallow it. That´s why it was so easy to eat the porridge. It just slid down without any problem, but it was very fattening and I put lots of sugar on it. It´s no wonder I gained all that weight. Eating the rye bread is okay. It tastes good, but it is a lot harder than eating the porridge and not nearly as satisfying. But it does make me feel full and that is the main thing. I´m not feeling hungry and I really have to think about if I want to eat again. If I eat too soon, I will be extremely uncomfortable and that is absolutely no fun. I can´t stuff my face, which I suppose is a very good thing.

Shoot, do you see how I jump from one subject to the next? That´s the way my mind works. Never dwell on one thing for too long, get on to the next thing as quickly as possible. Don´t be dull and long winded. Be surprising and amusing.

Well, I´ve been amusing long enough now and I´m going to end this long ramble that´s not going anywhere in particular quickly. At creative therapy, I drew a big circle and filled it with little four leaved flowers done in pen and ink. Now I´m coloring them with a teeny brush and colored ink. It´s monk´s work and it keeps me off the streets.

Ciao,
Nora

Thursday early in the morning.

I was so tired after a, for me, intensive day yesterday, that I went to sleep at 9 pm, even after I had taken a nap on the sofa in the late afternoon and slept through the alarm clock at 6 pm, which is amazing with its incessant beeping. Since it was in the bedroom, it did lower the impact of the sound somewhat, yet normally I can hear it very well, but obviously I was in a coma and oblivious of everything. It was Jesker who woke me up eventually, because he needed to go out and was making very urgent noises right by my ear.

I did manage to make it to creative therapy and worked on my fantasy pen and ink drawing, which really is nothing special at all and I think I am just wasting my time on it and it is going to end up rolled up on top of my closet and never see the light of day again. That's not because I'm down on myself, but because I absolutely don't like what I'm doing and am just filling up my time. I only have one more class to go to on Wednesday next week and that is it.

I did get the proper form to request an intake for the SPC and mailed it to my SPN so she can fill it out and get the ball rolling on that process, It shouldn't take long. Mostly it's a question of formalities, which is good, because I got a letter with an appointment in the mail yesterday from Social Services to talk about my situation and where I stand in the reintegration process. I think that's just a formality too, as I think it's been a year since I was there last. They probably want to make sure I'm still as nuts as ever.

In the afternoon it started to rain again, so I had to wait for it to stop until I could run my errands, because I was not about to get soaked on my bike. Finally, at 2:30, it stopped raining and I took all the books that had to be mailed and went to the little post office first, where the damage to my wallet was not as bad as it could have been, so I heaved a sigh of relief.

Then I did my grocery shopping, in the most economical fashion, and I really took my time and compared prices, because I was buying things I normally don't buy and I was also trying to buy enough groceries to last me for a week. It's fun to buy new items and comparison shop and see how much difference there is in price and the assumed quality of the product, which can never be bad if you shop at a good supermarket. They've got they're reputation at stake, after all. I do buy the store brand if I can.

When I got that done and had filled the bike bags and the shopping bag, I stopped by the tobacco shop for my weekly supply of tobacco and got home just in time before the next shower hit. It's more fun to put the groceries away when you have new items and it is especially fun when you have three animals helping you. They always assume that I've brought home stuff for them and they assume right. I always give them something to eat, even if I already had that in the cupboards, because they don't know the difference. The dog always gets a bone and the cats get fresh kibbles. It's a ritual.

In an effort to eat healthier, and to lose weight, I had decided that I didn't want to live on porridge anymore, although I love the stuff and can eat mountains of it. That's just the problem. I had bought very thin sliced black rye bread and light mayonnaise and three kinds of luncheon meats. I have discovered that I can eat one slice of rye bread with two slices of luncheon meat at the time, and that I can eat another one an hour later. And I am satisfied then. I started off with salami and it was so good. It was the best thing I've tasted in a long time and it was nice to chew my food for a change. I have to chew it well, keeping in mind my gastric band, but all goes well and one slice is just enough. Rye bread is high in vitamin B, iron, zinc, potassium, magnesium, fiber and calcium. So that and drinking low fat milk and multi vitamin fruit juice should keep me in good shape. I have to lose 12 kilos, believe it or not. That's what eating all that porridge did for me. That's 26 pounds. Picture that in your head.

Well, anyway, I'm going back to bed for just a little while to sleeps some more. I think it's too early to be up already. I've taken my medicines and the start of the day can wait for a bit. I've got a better thing to do.

Have a good morning you all.

Ciao,
Nora

A lovely Saturday afternoon.

Why is it so lovely? I don't know, just for the heck of it. Because I feel in a good mood and there's nothing standing in my way to feel anything differently. I got up early this morning, but after a while I realized that I really wasn't done sleeping yet, and after taking my medicines and eating breakfast, I went back to bed and slept until noon, when I really was ready to get up and I felt great. I had briefly opened my eyes an hour earlier, but I knew it wasn't time to face the day yet, because I still felt discombobulated and not at all put together properly and in my right mind. Isn't it an amazing thing what the proper amount of sleep does to you and for you? I feel sorry for people whose lives are dictated by the alarm clock, because they must never get the right amount of sleep, unless they go to bed real early at night, and even then they are shook out of their sleep by that incessant beeping at whatever time they've got the alarm set and it can't be a welcome sound. No wonder there are slumber buttons. You get used to the idea slowly that you have to get up. I must remember to set mine for four minutes intervals so I can get used to the idea of getting up myself. Why does it take me so long to catch on to modern technology? It's not a new invention, after all. I do walk behind the times.

I just got four more mooched books in the mail and now I really do have to clear that cubicle in the bookcase that I still haven't gotten around to, because I have nine books in need of shelf space. I procrastinate so much, because I don't have a clear picture in my head of doing the actual job, or imagine that it is going to be too frustrating and avoid it, when really it is going to be fairly easy and I just assume that I'm going to run into all sorts of frustrations. That shows you how low my level for stress is, I avoid the least minimal amount, yet always, when I get around to doing the actual job, I am quite competent at it an do it well and efficiently. I seem to not learn well from my experiences and only remember the frustration beforehand. I'm actually a quite competent person and can be trusted with all sorts of work and do a good job of it, because I'm very thorough and I have my mind set on only one thing and that is to do it well. I am a perfectionist.

Right, I'm not going to avoid clearing out that cubicle anymore. I will do it this afternoon. I'll just think of how nice the books will look once I have cleared everything up.

I also called the other Internet company that I had canceled at the beginning of the year and that still insisted on taking money from my bank account, even though I thought it had all been cleared up and they had just given me a refund for overpayment. After getting transferred from one person to the next, and repeating my story over and over again, I think I finally got it straightened out, but I won't know for sure until I see my next statement on line. Then I'll have to retrieve the money again and we'll have to start all over again. Apparently the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. I find help desks especially unhelpful and you have to pay for the call too, while you are held waiting until someone is free to 'help' you. This is my second experience this year with changing service companies that's ended up costing me money, when it should have been easy as pie. I'll never change companies again. Tempting though it is to go with a cheaper one.

Argh! Wrong subject to blog about! I need to blog about less frustrating things like church bells that are chiming right now for whatever kind of mass is being served. That makes me think of bread and wine and food in general and how I've not had garlic bread in a long time and how much I like it and how it really is time that I eat something like that again. I must call the clinic about my gastric band next week. I will have to make a note of it in my diary, otherwise I will forget to call. I wonder how many people they get who want to get their gastric band deflated so they can eat normal food again. It wouldn't surprise me if it were many. When it comes to eating food, I've never been so frustrated in my life.

I'm not picking good subjects to blog about. I will tell you that I also still need to do the dishes and vacuum the living room. I'm not much in the mood for the latter and it's getting kind of late in the afternoon to do it and do the other jobs. Doing the dishes will be nice, because it involves playing with hot sudsy water. I so prefer it to vacuuming. I also hate to upset the animals with the noise of it, although Jesker acts like it doesn't bother him in the least, but then he's half deaf.

The Exfactor was here yesterday afternoon and I was able to discuss my latests affairs with him and he gave me a lot of good feedback. It's nice when your own ex understands you and your situation and is rooting for you and helps you think things through until you come to a satisfying conclusion. He's been here three times this week and really helped me out and saw me through this whole situation and watched me go through the whole thinking process, without pushing me into one direction or another, but he was glad when I finally came to a conclusion and started to make sense and discussed that with him. He has known J. as long as I have and knows him well and has a high opinion of him. So he is satisfied with my decision to keep seeing him. J. and I will discuss our relationship face to face soon.

I've just walked the dog again. I don't know why he wanted to go out, it wasn't even his time to, but maybe he was bored and wanted a little outing. He didn't do anything special such as mark a lot of territory, so I think it was just a walk for his pleasure.

In the meantime, I've gotten awfully hungry, no doubt thinking about that garlic bread, and I will fix myself something to eat first. Then I will tackle those jobs. If I don't fall asleep on the sofa.

Have a good day.

Ciao,
Nora