The year of the dragon...

I'm very happily sat here with my second cup of coffee and it's still a decent time of the night. It's not even midnight yet and that's also surprisng to me. For a change I'm up at a more normal time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I may even turn into a quite ordinary person and start keeping quite ordinary hours. Miracles never cease. 

I've had an enervating day. I spent some time redecorating the living room because I was not finished with it and I had to add some of the almost final touches. The real final touches I will add on Wednesday when I have been to Ikea and have picked up the things I want to get there. Then the metamorphosis will be complete. 

I also got ambitious and cleaned up my bedroom which had become a catch all for everything that I had no space for in the living room. I got a big trash bag and started tossing things out and reorganizing. I rearranged the whole bookcase and emptied out drawers of obsolete items. Such a mess I had. I purged the whole room and did a bit of decorating there too. 

Luckily, the domestic help was here also, so she could clean as I purged and between the two of us, we got the place looking spiffy. We were both very pleased with ourselves. And just think, I got all of that done just because of two new paintings. They were my inspiration. 

I quit smoking this morning. I'm hesitant to say this in case I don't make it and start up again, but I have the best of intentions. I was thinking about what I could do with all the money that I spend on tobacco every month and suddenly was disgusted with the whole thing. In a flash I knew I would stop the foolishness. I said a prayer, put on a nicotine patch and quit. 

Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with the counselor at the doctor's office who helps you stay quit. I don't know yet how she does that, but I'm going to get her help as much as I can. Whatever it takes, I will do. I can't tell you that it's not frustrating at times, but I'm surviving. I have rubber bands around my wrist that I fiddle with when the urge to smoke becomes too bad. It does pass after a while.The urge to smoke comes in waves. It's not a constant pressure. 

I must go back to bed. The urge to smoke is less when I'm lying down and the time passes more quickly when you're asleep. Also when you are keeping yourself busy. That is why I am getting so much done. I have to paint the living room and the hallway next. Yippee! 

Ciao,

Nora

Getting down to earth again...

Even though it is the middle of the night and it is the time when I feel most joyful, that doesn't mean that I have to get overly excited now and lose track of my sense of decorum. I'm quite capable of keeping myself in hand and not making a complete fool of myself by declaring all sorts of nonsense. 

I do have to hit the brakes because sometimes I get too much in a hallelujah mood when I'm up this late and have had a cup of coffee or two. My enthusiasm knows no bounds and I run to the top of the mountain before I remember that I have fear of heights and get dizzy and know no way down. 

I must be as sensible as I can manage to be and still be lively and not sit here as a solid and silent rock in a winter's meadow on a boring Sunday. I have to be engaging without being silly, although you may think that me being silly may be a lot of fun. That's only if I'm silly on purpose and not when I accidentally end up looking ridiculous. 

Since yesterday was Saturday, it is hardly a day worth speaking of. It was just another ordinary Saturday like any other. I spend it doing nothing important whatsoever, except that I watched my share of cultural television programs in the morning while I woke up with my obligatory cups of coffee. It does feel good to feed the intellect and my curiosity.  I did miss half of the programs yesterday because I got up too late, but I'll get a chance again this morning when there will be more on. 

There's usually some documentary with an exposure to challenging art which gets my dander up at first, but which I change my mind about as I watch it, although I don't completely change my outlook on it. I am somewhat more enlightened after I've watched it and more appreciative. It's supposed to be a challenge to your mind, after all. I suppose you see the necessity of the art in the time it was made even though you don't have to like it. It's enough that you understand the intention behind it. 

I wrapped Chrstmas presents and didn't run out of paper, which is good because I've got one more present to wrap which hasn't gotten here yet. With a little bit of luck it will be here on Wednesday. The dog tried to help me wrap them and was very disappointed when he was not allowed to be part of the proceedings. The cat was asleep on the bed, so I timed my actions well. I got no cat hair on the sello tape. 

Wrapping the presents did get me into the proper mood and now I can hardly wait for Christmas. The real exciting thing of course is that my daughter will be here and that is what I'm really looking forward to. I'm slowly allowing all of my maternal feelings to come to the surface where they have been buried so long. It almost hurts to let them out. It's a real process.

It's going to be a bit colder for the next couple of days and I'll have to pick my outfit with care in the morning. It will be a question again of being warm enough and looking good. That's really not too difficult if I put my mind to it. In the evening there will be a mixture of snow and rain and I'm really not in the mood for that. I have very little to say about the weather, however. It happens whether I want it to or not. There's nothing as fickle as the Dutch weather.

Today will be another non eventful day as Sundays go. The weekends are often not very exciting. They are turning out to be the dullest parts of the week. Luckily, there are interesting programs to watch on televsion. There will be lots of sports to watch and I enjoy them. Thank goodness I have the animals to entertain me. We pass many happy moments together. The dog alone is enough of an amusement factor. 

I have to go back to bed to finish sleeping. The duvet is turning out to be so good that it's almost too warm to sleep under. 

Ciao,

Nora

In the middle of the night...

I have become incredibly dull in the middle of the night since I've stopped taking the tranquilizers before I go to sleep. I no longer have the emotional highs that helped me write, what I thought, were interesting blog posts. Nor do I get an enormous kick out of caffeine anymore. It helps me think, but it doesn't help me think of anything brilliant. 

I'm thrown back on myself and have to use my own imagination. Unfortunately, that seems to be lacking a lot. I sit here for a long time during the night and try to think of things to write about and find it hard to come up with stuff that's the least bit fascinating. There's no bottomless well to dip into, there 's just a very shallow puddle. And it gets muddy. 

I don't mind sitting here in the middle of the night wasting time behind the computer. That's about as pleasant as it can get. I do mind writing dull posts. In my stubbornness I'm determined to do something about it, but I wonder if I'm even capable of it. I worry that I don't have an original thought left in my head or that I'm so inhibited that I'm incapable of expressing it. 

Well, that's enough philosophizing and I'll get down to the regular business of daily life. That's maybe worth a mention also, although nothing earth shattering happened. It does help you keep both feet on the ground and that's not a bad thing either. It's always good to stay in touch with Mother Earth. 

Yesterday was a pleasant enough day. The weather was beautiful, so there was nothing wrong with that. It truly was like an Indian Summer out there and will be for the rest of the week. That's thrown a wrench in the works for me because I was ready for colder weather and warmer clothes and my winter coat. I did like the crispness in the air we had been having and the cool wind that had been blowing. 

The nights are clear and starry skied, although not as much as on that painting by Vincent van Gogh.  I wonder what wonderful sky he saw when he painted that and what sort of a state of mind he found himself in? 

I dutifully walked the dog when it was time and did my chores. There weren't that many because I had taken care of most of them during the week. It is a nice thing to find yourself caught up on everything. The most important thing was to change the bed so I would have a clean one to take my afternoon nap in. And to do the laundry, of course. 

I made a pan of tomato soup with vermicelli for dinner and shared some with the dog who licked his bowl very clean. It was very good and filling and satisfied my longing for something hearty. I really felt like eating two pork chops but since I'm a vegetarian that's not possible. I just meant to tell you that this vegetarian sometimes longs for meat. Sometimes I would like a T-bone steak with ketchup. 

Since there was nothing much exciting on TV, I went to bed early and got cozy under the duvet. Saturday night is not the most interesting time to watch television. There's light entertainment on. Taggart doesn't come on until after midnight and that's too late for me.

I hope you all have an enjoyable Sunday.

Ciao,

Nora

Art, food and weather...

I just stood by the back door to let out the dog and the rain water was dripping off the trees and the gutters. It's been raining on and off since yesterday afternoon. It's not been a heck of a lot of rain, sometimes it was nothing more than a drizzle, but everything is soaking wet anyway. 

We don't really need the rain. Lord knows we've had more than enough of it these past few months. It would be alright if we had a few weeks of sunshine to celebrate fall with. The weather gods think differently and steep us in misty, rainy clouds at night and hand us blustery skies during the day with unexpected showers. 

You do need to dress for this kind of weather, although people optimistically still want to wear more summery kind of clothes and open shoes. They are the kind who refuse to admit that fall is here and that they need to put on warmer coats because the wind does blow cold on occasion. They are brave and suffer. 

I do no such thing (being an ex-Californian) and dress warmly for the optimal comfort. I noticed that yesterday when I was at the art fair with my sister. 

It was held in the garden of a large castle and by times a strong wind picked up and blew rainy clouds across the sky and it got quite cold. I think I was one of the few people there who was dressed warm enough for that.

The castle was beautiful and had been built in various stages throughout the ages as could be witnessed by the different building styles that were all incorporated together. It all made for a harmonious whole and for a very large building which included a chapel with leaded glass windows and painted ceilings. 

The art fair was very predictable with only a few artists who really stood out and who  really deserved the application 'artist' in its truest form. It was fun to walk along the different stalls to see what was on offer and to cast a critical eye. We saw a few things we liked, but weren't tempted into buying anything. 

Afterwards, we went into the tearoom inside the castle, which also houses a hotel, and had something to drink and shared a cheese platter. It had various soft cheeses and herbal butter and various breads and local condiments. It was delicious and one of the best things I've eaten in a long while.

The town that the castle was in was on the German border and at one point when we were driving there we had Germany on one side of the street and the Netherlands on the other. The dialects that they speak there are very similar, so the people on either side have no problem understanding the other.

I've got to get back to bed because my personal helper is going to be here in the morning and I need to sleep some more. I've set the alarm clock so I'll get up at a decent enough time. I want to be dressed and presentable before she gets here. There's nothing worse than being caught out in your bathrobe half asleep. 

Have a good day you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

See the Previous Post, Please.

For the paintings, drawings and collages, please see the previous post. I made the effort to put them up, and also took the courage too, so I don't want you to miss them and give me your opinion on them, because that's very important to me. I do notice that now that I've posted them, it gives me more incentive to create more collages and paintings, but especially colorful collages, which I have not made in a while and I'm now excited about making more of them. I'll be starting on those tomorrow, considering I liked the ones I posted so much and you seemed to like them too.

The reason I am now writing this post, is because it is the middle of the night again, and I am wide awake as I am so often lately and unlikely to go to bed for a while. I've read all the blogs and commented on them and I've read all the emails and responded to them also. So, there is nothing left to do but write a post, because I have to keep myself occupied and out of trouble somehow, though I realize that I could be doing some artwork instead also, but it may not be the right time for that. The muse may not be as wide awake as I am.

The day which I had so carefully planned this morning, did not go as I had expected it to, because when I was in the bathroom getting ready, I got a sheer case of nerves when I thought about the fact that I had to go downtown in the afternoon. I was practically trembling when I thought about it and I had a tightness about my chest and I felt a lot of anxiety. I knew only one thing could set me free, and that would be to cancel my afternoon plans, which I quickly did with an email to my friend Von.

Having done that, I felt the anxiety drop away from me immediately and I could think straight again. Right away, my mood improved and I was happy again and life was manageable once more. I was not worried about going to creative therapy, which is a 5 minute bike ride away from here and a very safe place for me to go to. I was looking forward to it and it was a very uncomplicated thing to do.

When I came home, it was with a great deal of relief that I put my bike inside the hallway with the thought that I did not have to go out again, but some time later I remembered that I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up five kinds of medicines. Well, that was a problem. I had a dilemma and started screwing up my courage to go over there, but to get there meant that I had to ride my bike along a busy street and cross two busy intersections. This seemed to me too fraught with possible stress and I didn't want to go and kept postponing it, until I got the brilliant idea that the pharmacy also delivers and I called them and asked them if they would do that for me and they agreed to, much to my relief. So, I was off the hook and could relax. I did take an extra tranquilizer, because I needed to calm down a bit.

I spent part of the afternoon painting two drawings that I had started earlier and that I want to finish before I do anything else. I also want to finish the field of flowers, because I looked at it today and saw that it was too neat and organized and it wants a little more randomness and abundance. I am trying to not leave anything unfinished, unless it is a total flop and I can't do a thing with it, but save the paper for another purpose. For making a collage on, for example.

The Exfactor has brought me another box of tubes of acrylic paints and there is an idea growing in my head about something I want to make. You all know the painting "American Gothic." I want to do something like that under a starry dark moonlit night, but I first have to find a good image of it and my printer is without ink. I may have it in one of my art books. I'll have to look for it. I have a vision of how I want it to look, but it has to square up with the original version. I don't know yet how much I'm going to change about it. I suppose I'll google it shortly and maybe make a sketch of it.

It's nice to have all these possible ideas floating around inside your head and to have to go look for examples of the animals or people or objects that you want to represent in your painting. You're bound to have to do some research. Who can draw an elephant without having a good look at one? Or a cow? Or a giraffe?

I slept on the sofa in the evening. I felt a good nap coming up as I was eating my dinner. I was yawning and not trying to fall asleep as I was watching the news afterwards, but I couldn't help myself and now I'm uninformed again. I'll have to watch the repeats in a little while. At least I will know something, even though they are the condensed versions. People who stay up all night long are not supposed to be fully informed, I guess. It's a very Calvinistic point of view.

Jesker is sleeping in the bedroom in spite of the fact that I'm not there. He has come out once or twice to have a look at me, but then grumpily goes back to his pillow there. I suppose I am disturbing his good night's rest. He does like his peace and quiet just like I do and the lights out.

Well, I'll go look up that painting and maybe do some art. Just a little bit of it, since it's almost morning, while I listen to the news.

Have a good morning, all of you. Enjoy your Saturday.

Ciao,
Nora