Many words are wasted...

I've got an extremely grumpy mood and I think it's because I just woke up from a nap. I must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed or I haven't had enough coffee yet. The sun is shining outside so it's not the weather's fault. I must drink another cup of coffee and see if that will straighten me out. I can't stay grumpy because I am my own worst enemy this way. If I could kick myself in the rear end, I would do it. 

I don't usually wake up grumpy from naps. As a rule I am quite reasonable. I only need the coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind, not to put me in a good mood. As a matter of fact, I'm a quite mild mannered person and not prone to grumpiness. That doesn't mean that I don't think a person is not allowed to be it once in a while. We can't all be saints. There is a time and a place for everything. A lesser mood does happen when you're a mere mortal. Besides, the Greek gods were famous for their moodiness.

I know I will get over it in no time at all and that this will not last. I'm not going to stay grumpy for the rest of the day. It's just a temporary hitch in the system. Just by writing about it I will start feeling better. And I can always talk myself out of everything, including temporary grumpiness. 

In the meantime, I'm having another cup of coffee and I'm already starting to feel better. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I just made another pack of cigarettes from my dwindling tobacco supply and I think by tomorrow I should be all out of it. Then it will be time for the nicotine patches. I'm lucky that I still have those and that I don't have to go out and spend the money on them because they are expensive enough. 

It's been a great day today in which nothing of importance happened whatsoever and that was fine with me. I watched the news updates a lot because politically there's a lot going on right now and I do want to stay informed. It looks like we're going to have elections on September the 12th and that gives all the parties time to prepare for them properly. Having elections on June the 27th was pushing it a little bit. Personally, I'm more than ready to go out and vote but there are always those floating voters who can't make up their minds. 

When the sun disappears, it immediately gets colder in here and I've had to turn on the heater. I have the feeling I should be eating hot soup or other hearty winter fare. I have at this moment a terrible craving for a stew or a chowder and I wish I was in the States so I could easily take care of it.  I guess I'm in the mood for some real American food but that is hard to get. I wouldn't mind going to a Denny's right now and having my pick of the menu. 

I think that's all I have to share. I've got to put my bathrobe on over my clothes so I'll be warm. I'm a great sufferer of the cold.

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

Not normal...

It's okay if I don't feel normal right now because it's perfectly understandable under the circumstances. It's because I have no nicotine entering my brain. That's why I feel so flaked out most of the time. I just read it on the website that helps you quit smoking.

I thought it was about time that I went there. I had read the booklet a few times, but I hadn't been to the website yet and it turned out to be a cornucopia of information. Did you know that by now all the nicotine is already out of my body? It is two days after you stop smoking. And after you stop using the patches, of course. It's been four days since I did.

This is my brain on no nicotine. This is where I got in trouble the last time, so I have to watch it, but I think I already was hypo-manic on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I got that behind me. These past days I've been sleepy and flaky. The thing I do best is take the dog for walks. It's the least complicated thing I can do. If I didn't know better I'd think I was mentally challenged.

It also said that my taste and smelling abilities should be vastly improved, but I haven't noticed that so much, although they probably already had since January the 24th when I officially quit. I had expected more of it. I guess I was expecting to be overwhelmed by smells that would transport me back to the past and that hasn't happened a lot. I can't say that things taste all that wonderful either. It's not like there's an angel peeing on my tongue.

Maybe these abilitites will return later or not at all. Maybe they're permanently impaired.

All the carbom monoxide is gone from my body too. I'm thrilled about that. That was plain poison, of course. It's been replaced by pure oxygen. Or as clean as it is in the air around here with all the traffic. I should live in the country where the air is cleaner. Ha, I wish.

I'm constantly running out of things to blog about. I don't know what else to add. I think maybe I had better go to bed.

Ciao,
Irene

The lack of nicotine....

I want to write a cohesive post, but I find it very difficult to. It's like the lack of nicotine is preventing me from writing down anything that's sensible.

I haven't worn a nicotine patch since Tuesday when I discovered I could do without them and not miss the nicotine. It's true, I don't. I've had a peaceful time ever since and am amazed that this is so. 

I'm so peaceful today that I can't seem to really wake up and keep having to go back to bed to sleep some more.

I'm having some coffee to prevent me from falling asleep behind the computer. 

It's not working very well. 

Anyway...

Yesterday I had my hair cut and I had to promise to never let my hair grow again. I did and left the shop with a great haircut that looks quite perky on me. It's very easy to take care of hair and a breeze to wash and dry. 

I've already written down in my agenda when I should make the next appointment. I'm not going to make the mistake of walking around with a grown out haiircut. 

Oh yes, I remembered. I'm not supposed to be perfect. I almost forgot. I did start to sound like I was trying to be a perfect person, wasn't I? And I'm allowed to make all the mistakes I want. What's going to happen if I do anyway? The world's not going to come to an end. 

Jeez! I'm even perfect in being imperfect. 

So, I don't know why I don't need the nicotine patches. Maybe it's because I only smoked for such a short time. I will have to take the nicoltine patches I have left back to the pharmacy to see if I can get back my money. I have one full box that's not been opened yet. 

In my enthusiasm, I bought two weeks worth of patches. Dumb!

I only used them one day.

Ciao,

Irene's Dutch Diva Blog

For no reason at all...

For no reason that I can think of I'm very happy right now. This comes after having been somewhat down in the dumps all day, although that gives the impression that I was depressed and I wasn't that. Let's just say that my grumpy mood from yesterday wasn't over yet. I'm like a bear disturbed in her winter sleep and all I want to do is hibernate until springtime. I think that is the proper description for me lately. 

But this minute I feel good. I actually feel like I'm in a proper enough mood to feel some optimism and to not look at the day as one long dreary stretch of time that needs to get through somehow in the best possible way. That sounds torturous, doesn't it? And it is. I'm not enjoying that at all. 

You should see me try to get through the day in my own convoluted way. I'm like a circus lion jumping through hoops and will do anything to make the day go by as quickly as possible. I'm hopelessly short of imagination, though, and I fail in making it as amusing as I can. I can only think of the most boring and the least painful ways to manage. But I do make it in the end anyway and that is the most important thing. 

I guess that's why I'm so relieved at the end of the day when I feel like I've completed another gargantuan task. No wonder that it makes me feel so happy. All I have to do is make it through the short evening and go to bed. The night is easy enough to get through. And really, once I have my pajamas and bathrobe on, I feel that anything is easier. It's the same as wearing lounge wear and being dismissed from the job. It's like being on vacation. 

Oh yes, I started on the lower dose nicotine patches today and don't notice one bit of difference. The packaging was the same but the patches are smaller. I wondered how they were going to deal with that. What an ingenious solution. I will be on this dose for a week and then I move on to step 3. I suppose those patches will be even smaller. That will be the last step and then I will be without and on my own. I'll be ready for it. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening and that you won't be bored jumping through your own hoops. 

Ciao,

Nora

On food and decorating...

That's one thing I've noticed since I stopped smoking. I'm instantly awake when I get up out of bed. I don't have to gather myself together much. I still need about half a cup of coffee to cheer me up a bit, but I'm generally in good shape right away. At least I'm not sitting here dragging nicoltine and other poisons out of cigarettes and doing my head in. That was a very convoluted way to try and feel good. Thank goodness that's behind me. 

I can already smell better now and the coffee when it's just made smells very burnt. I guess I'm smelling the fact that the beans have been roasted. It smells less pleasant than I had anticipated, but maybe I don't have such a very good brand of coffee. It's the first thing you smell when you walk into the apartment, besides the smell of the deodorant coming from the bathroom. 

I suppose my sense of smell will get better over time and I think this is a nice development because a lot of memories are associated with my sense of smell. An odor can instantly take me back to a moment in my past. It's usually something pleasant that I think back on so it's no problem. I look forward to it. 

I had a bit of a slow day today. I had to try and find ways to amuse myself and it wasn't easy. I already walked the dog three times and took a nap twice. I guess all I can say is, thank goodness for the Internet. It does keep me occupied at the most boring moments. It and watching the news are good diversions when I need to fill my time.

I have to admit that I'm hungrier now that I've stopped smoking. My stomach growls regularly and naturally I feed it. At least, for as far as that is possible with my gastric band. There is a limit to how much food I can put into it. I do feel like eating hearty foods like fried eggs and salty crackers. I really feel like eating Chinese food and have a huge hunkering for it. It's too bad that I can't eat those portions, they are too big. 

On another subject, the living room has got all its final touches and, except for painting it, there's not much left that I can do to it. I will always be on the look out for interesting and colorful items to add to the decor. That will be like a new hobby for me. I will also always look for interesting art, although I really think I like the artist that I have the watercolors of now. But you never know what I will run into. I will not exclude anybody else. 

I think the living room and the bedroom will really be ongoing projects and that I will collect things for them and keep decorating them as the mood strikes me. It will be a little bit as if they are showrooms. That will keep me motivated to have them always in good shape and to spend time on making them look as comfortable to be in as possible. 

That's all I have to say and that's more than enough. I do carry on. I've forgotten to watch the 6 o'clock news even. I've got to fry some eggs. I'll pretend there's fried rice to go with them. 

Ciao,

Nora

It's alright now...

I'm entering day four of not smoking. I've just taken my medicines and put on a fresh nicotine patch. It didn't feel as though the old one had stopped working. I think the effect is psychological also. As long as you wear it, you think you're protected. It doesn't matter why it works as long as it does.

Every day of not smoking gets a little bit easier. The urge to light up a cigarette is still there, but I get over the disappointment of not being able to quicker. There's simply no way that I can, so wishing to is an exercise in futility. I immediately have to put the whole idea out of my head. That's the best part about not having any tobacco in the apartment. There's absolutely no temptation. 

If I don't manage to keep myself busy and distracted, I take naps to make the time pass by. It's one way to forget about not being able to smoke if it bothers me a lot. It's usually during the day when I've run out of things to do and I've already walked the dog a few times. I'm usually able to sleep for at least an hour or so. That gets me over the worst craving. 

Yesterday I went to Ikea with my sister. We got there early in the morning before it opened, but already there were plenty of people there. I had a shopping list of things I wanted to get and just had to locate the items in the store and in the warehouse. 

I got a rattan armchair to replace my other armchair whch I have put in the bedroom where it looks very good. It was time that I decorated the bedroom more also and I wanted something different in the living room. I also had to get the thick, soft seat cushion that went with the chair which was located in a whole different place in the warehouse, very unlogically.

I wanted to make sure that I got a good seat cushion because of the comfort of sitting down on it for any length of time and not getting a sore rear end. I have learned my lesson in the past. I also wanted to buy some throw pillows and I thought I had the ones picked out that I wanted, but when I actually saw them, I liked them less than I thought I would. 

Luckily, I spotted some that I had not seen on the website and that had the colors in them that I wanted so the choice was easily made. They were to put in the two armchairs that are in the living room to support your back when you sit in them. They are also for the extra touch of decoration, of course.

I had to get a new curtain to cover the door that is between the spare bedroom and the living room that I don't use and that is always closed. The curtain that was there didn't fit in the color scheme anymore and was old besides. I had thrown it out. I had picked out the new one on Ikea's website and luckily it turned out to be as nice as I had anticipated. 

When I got home. the curtain turned out to be much too long and I had to pin it up. Today I will have to shorten it, but because the sewing machine isn't working, I will have to fix the hem with iron on sticky tape.

Because of the paintings, the colors that have returned to the interior of the living room are red and orange. Subconsciously, I am now drawn to these two colors and gravitate towards them for whatever little touches I can add. They are both lively and cheerful colors so that's no problem. Both of them are in the throw pillows that I bought.

Except for fixing the hem of the curtain, I don't have much to do today. I had been planning on taking two creative therapy classes, but now there is an issue with the insurance company maybe not paying for them. It is up in the air and I have to keep my fingers crossed. I need to have a busier schedule. It is important that I am more active and see more people. I will have to make the most of the day in the meantime. 

I've got to get dressed and walk the dog. It is that time of the morning already. I hope you'll all have a good day and that you enjoy your interiors. 

Ciao,

Nora

I wasn't quite ready for it yet...

I went to bed late in the evening after watching a thriller thinking I was ready to go to sleep, but when I was lying there, sleep didn't come no matter how hard I tried, so I got up again and made myself some coffee. I did what I usually do in the middle of the night only now I did it a little bit earlier. The fact that I didn't sleep yet doesn't bother me. I will stay up for a while and amuse myself until I'm ready to call it quits for the night and go to bed again. Sooner or later I will get the sleep I need. I've got no place to go in the morning and I can sleep late providing the dog will let me. 

The coffee tastes very good and is turning me into my usual cheerful self. I'm lucky that caffeine does have that effect on me and that I can count on it. It provides me with many happy moments. You could say that it's the drug of my choice. It and nicotine are the crutches that I stand on. I do want to quit the nicotine soon though. It's a bad habit that I can ill afford. I think about quiting quite often and try to determine when would be a good moment. I want to succeed and am trying to figure out how to best achieve that. It's a resolution for the very near future. I'm coming around to it. I've even thought of accupuncture and reading that book by Allen Carr that helps you quit. 

I'm sitting here very cozily in my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. Outside it has stopped storming and all is quiet for a change. I hope this is the end of the foul weather. It did really hit us today. Luckily, there was no snow, just hail and lots of rain.  I'm more than comfortable now though, and oh, so warm. I should always be dressed in my bathrobe because I would never be cold. 

I think the thriller that was on tonight was called 'Trial and Retribution.' It was very good and kept me up and mesmerized. I liked the people who had the lead roles as they weren't the usual glamour types. They were unknown to me, but that doesn't mean much. I'm not up on all British actors. They were very believable and the plot was good. It was the usual well done British thriller. The BBC does have the budget to turn out good ones as opposed to Dutch program makers who don't. It does make a difference. 

I'm drinking cold milk now in preparation to getting ready to go to bed. It's waking up the orchestra that's in my stomach and producing quite some sounds. It's a good thing that I'm sitting here all by myself. It would be embarrassing to do this in company. It will settle down soon enough after I have had the last little bit and it has passed my gastric band. It always protests loudly before it does. Milk must be enough like a solid food to behave this way. 

I've told you all I have to say for now. I suppose it's time for me to go back to bed. I'm not really sleepy, but I'll try anyway. I can't think of another thing to do. The dog and the cat are sound asleep. I'll take the lead from them. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

.