Trademark...

Since it is really my trademark to write about coffee in all of my posts, I'll mention it first and get that out of the way. It always makes for a good beginning and sets the tone for the rest of the post. It gets me in the right mood, sort to say. 

So let me tell you that I'm drinking my third cup of coffee and that I'm doing that instead of taking a nap which I was in danger of needing after the domestic help left. I get so bored of sitting around doing nothing but petting the dog when she is here that it makes me feel sleepy and long for my bed. 

I never feel that I can do anything important while the domestic help is here because I would only get in the way of her so I make myself as unobtrusive as possible. I sit in one spot as much as possible until I have to move out of the way when she vacuums and mops the floors.

I don't feel that I can quite relax because I do feel that I have to keep an eye on her as she moves through the apartment and cleans it. Now that she's five months pregnant she's getting a little too relaxed and isn't cleaning as well as she did before. She's done in one hour and she should work for two. She's cleaning the French way. 

She wants to keep working until she's eight months pregnant but I wonder how she'll be able to. I'm sure she doesn't want to lose her job and benefits and I'm not going to complain about her, but I do want to know what has been cleaned and what hasn't. I have to let the other domestic help know. It is a bit of a problem. 

I'm seeing my therapist on Thursday to discuss the fact that I'm unhappy with her. I let my psychiatrist know that in an email today. I feel that I have to speak up for myself, but that it's not a popular thing to do. I have to tell myself that it's normal to make demands and claim what you are rightfully entitled to, but I feel some trepidation. 

I do know what I want. I am in charge of my life and the things and events in it and I would like to be in some sort of control of them. I don't like for other people to come around and mess them up. I would like for things to run as smoothly as I can make them. I do wish for some amount of peace and quiet as I strive hard enough for that. 

Ciao,
Irene

Chilled to the bone...

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes at the end of the afternoon. I thought initially that I was going to need a nap but once I had some caffeine in me, I quite perked up and now I feel like a million dollars. I haven't been in such a good mood for quite a while and it is very welcome. I won't analyze it because it's too precious for that. I will just accept it for what it is and enjoy it. 

The coffee tastes very good and I think with this cheap little coffeemaker I can't make a bad cup. It's really a primitive little thing and I really should get a much better one but it does turn out good coffee. I really think it's because of the measuring spoon that it came with. I'm finally getting the amount of ground coffee right. I was putting in way too much before and made coffee that knocked my socks off. 

The domestic help has been here and I can now look forward to the weekend which in my eyes has already started. I have the rest of this day off and I can do with it as I please. I will take advantage of that and totally indulge myself. I do feel I deserve it after a long suffering week of many moods and much stress. I sure as heck don't want to repeat that any time soon. Whose idea was that anyway.? 

The day went by quickly but it always does when you're in a good mood. The time flies by and I didn't get up all that late either. It rained in the morning but I paid it no mind and took the dog out between showers. The grass had been cut and all the buttercups and daisies in the fields were gone. I do dislike that because they looked so cheerful. I thought the buttercups especially looked very nice. 

The sun has come out and it is shining into the living room making it a little bit warmer in here. That does make a difference and I wish it would come out earlier in the day. When it gets chilly, I feel like putting on all my winter clothes and I´m sure it´s the wrong time of the year for that. You want to stay optimistic because it´s May, regardless of what the weather does. You dare the sun to come out and show itself. 

If I were downtown now, I would sit on a café terrace under an umbrella and have a hot chocolate. Then I would participate in our favorite sport and watch the people go by. That reminds me that I haven´t been to the movies in a while and I have no idea what´s showing. I must look on the film theater´s website and see what the latest movies are. 

It´s time to eat. I must feed my body too. I can´t live on coffee alone. 

I hope you´ll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

I'm just lucky...

I suppose it's a good thing that I get up in the middle of the night also when I am in a more "normal" mood than I  have been during the day. You wouldn't think there was anything wrong with me now compared to yesterday when I had such a struggle with myself. I do seem like a totally different person now, except by all appearances I still look the same. I just don't have that crazed look in my eyes. 

I don't know why I had such a hard time yesterday and it seems very odd now looking back on it. It was a little bit like being stuck in a bad dream. Looking back on it now it feels like I was a little bit crazy for a while and I wonder if I'm going to be it again today. At least I will have this post to look back on to remind me that I can also be perfectly normal. Whatever that's supposed to be but you get my drift.

I wonder if part of the problem was that I had slept through the night and didn't at all get up to sit behind the computer and have my usual cups of coffee. I slept through the night and woke up at a decent time in the morning and from that point on never did get the day right. That's a complete departure from my usual schedule and it may have upset my equilibrium. I'm that easily disturbed. 

I don't do well with change and as a rule like everything to be the same and predictable. I normally don't like changes in my schedule and do like to plan everything ahead of time. That's why I don't like to make long airplane flights because the differences in time upset me. I generally like to stay put. 

I didn't always used to be this way but I have gotten so as I got older and more set in my ways. I guess I'm less flexible now and don't adapt as quickly. 

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here now and realize that I can enjoy these quiet hours of the night before I have to go back to bed. I don't have to get up at a particular time in the morning, although I do have a couple of chores to do before the domestic help gets here early in the afternoon. I won't worry about that too much and assume those will get done and she'd be the first to forgive me if they weren't. I will make the effort however.

I have many dishes to wash because I have used every plate that was in the cupboard. That's never happened before but it's what happens when you don't get around to your usual jobs. I've also only got one tall glass left to drink milk from. So you see, that's a high priority chore. The more I put it off, the less I felt like doing it. I will plunge head deep into it in the morning. I will be up to my elbows into the suds. 

I hope you're all having a good night and that you're either sleeping or otherwise amusing yourselves. 

Ciao,

Irene

After all's been said and done.

I'm drinking coffee because it's the most agreeable beverage I can drink (even better than ice cold milk) and it's putting me in a very good mood. Now, if you had your choice, wouldn't you do the same thing and fill yourself with some caffeine? 

I know it's only a semi-permanent effect and that it will wear off again and that it will not prevent me from sleeping tonight. As soon as I quit drinking the coffee and switch to something else, I will start mellowing out again and I will be yawning by the time it is bedtime. 

I'm almost always an optimist and today I most certainly am.

It must be because today the sun has been shining, except for the occasional cloud, and it cast its light into the living room for most of the afternoon, making it nice and warm in here.  It does make me feel more cheerful but I already was anyway. 

I was from the moment I got up this morning and was merrily greeted by the dog. What a way to start the day. I drank my coffee and smoked my cigarettes in all peacefulness and silence. I had given myself an hour to get myself together and that was enough. Then I was ready to get the show on the road and the first thing I did was take the dog for a walk in the crispy morning air. 

I've done all the things that I planned to do today and I consider it successful. I hope I will repeat myself tomorrow when it will be a little less hectic. I will still have to accomplish things but they will all have to be done at home which will simplify the process.

I've ordered another denim jacket on line which will be delivered in the afternoon. It's a gray one with little pink flowers. It will match the clothes that my blue denim one doesn't. I live in my blue denim jacket, except for when it needs to be washed and then I miss it sorely. It's become an inseperable part of me.

I've started to pay attention more to the way I look. I had neglected that a little bit lately and put my clothes on without much care to the details. Today I've got a scraf draped around my neck that I haven't worn in a long time and I'm pleased with the effect. I picked it up instinctively, not knowing how it would look. It was the right choice. 

One of my rings has fallen off my finger and I don't know when it happened so I don't know where to look for it. It could be anywhere. It's a shame because it's one I liked a lot, although it was not an expensive one. That's how skinny my fingers have become and I wish my stomach would follow suit.

Thank goodness that I can see clearly now because the domestic help has washed the windows.

Ciao,

Irene

I've got my shoes...

...and I think that I will be wearing them a lot as long as I'm not wearing a dress on a regular basis. I don't seem to do that very much anymore hooked as I am on skinny jeans. I'll have to wait and see what the weather is going to do in the near future. If it is going to get any warmer and make it necessary for me to wear different clothes or if it's going to stay chilly and rainy like it has been.

Anyway, the walking shoes arrived and I put them on and they fit perfectly. Thank goodness that I'm such an average size by Dutch standards. Usually things fit me just fine. These shoes are great. It is like walking on air cushions. The only problem with them is that my feet do get very warm in them and my feet aren't used to being warm. They are usually on the cold side and that's more comfortable for me.

It may have to do with the fact that these shoes are weather proof and contain a special lining. This means they will be very nice to wear in the wintertime but I wonder how they will be when the weather is hot? I probably won't wear any socks. Maybe that will help.

On another subject, this depression I am fighting is a mean sun of a gun. I have to literally struggle it to the ground and arm wrestle it for position. This one is so evil that I can't give it any space and I don't want to give it any ground to move around on. I will defeat it and I'm not going to give it an inch. I will be more stubborn than it.

At least I got a good start to the day. I woke up early but the sun was already shining in a bright blue sky so the first few hours of my day were pleasant. The first thing I did when I got up was to open the curtains in the living room so I wouldn't have to turn on any lights. Things cheered up immediately and my first cup of coffee tasted good too. The dog slept late so I didn't have to take him out right away.

I can face the first few hours of the day. It's the hours between the morning and the evening that are the hardest. They are when I struggle and I have to try and get through them in the best possible way. Sometimes that is very difficult. Today the Exfactor and the domestic help were here so that helped some.

Now it's almost evening and the day is coming to an end. I am no longer discouraged but see the sense of being alive again for just a little while. It will last long enough until it's time to go to bed. I just imagine my soul standing up very straight and being very powerful and resilient. It's bending in the storm, not breaking. It has to be strong  and flexible enough to withstand any kind of force.

If there was ever a time to believe in myself, then this is it. I hope I have the faith to do that.

Ciao,
Irene

An undetermined mood...

I'm actually still yawning from the long nap I took this afternoon and the cup of coffee I just had has not made much of an impact yet. I guess I didn't make it strong enough and the second cup will have to pack a punch. That's why my mood is still undetermined and I have no idea of how I'm put together yet. I think right now I'm mostly grumpy but I'll try to get over that as quickly as I can and you can all be witness to it. Watch a metamorphosis take place. 

I must be in one of those cycles that I need a lot of sleep because I have not gotten a shortage of it for the last 24 hours. It seems that I can't get enough of it. I even slept on the sofa for an hour while I was waiting for the domestic help to get here. When she did, I was so comatose that I could hardly talk to her. So much for my conversational skills that usually don't let me down. But right now I'd rather sleep than do almost anything else and that includes eating, although that doesn't say much. 

The sun has been shining a lot today but it hasn't actually been a warm day. I did have to wear my winter coat when I went out and I've had the heater on for most of the day. I do have to admit that I get cold quickly and I seem to be allergic to the cold. I was definitely meant to live in a warmer climate. But at least the sun was out and it did cheer things up. Of course, the world is a lot greener and that does make things look a lot more cheerful too.

I do appreciate the fact that I have to go out a couple of times a day to walk the dog because otherwise I would not be aware of how quickly nature is changing right now. It's thé opportunity for me to be out regularly and see how green the trees are becoming and how many dandelions there are growing in the grass. The lowly dandelion does have its place in nature too. 

There, I've become sensible and wide awake again and I never did have that second cup of coffee. I had two glasses of cold milk instead. I was very thirsty and slightly hungry too. That milk took care of that. 

I can now move on to the next chapter and that is to take my medicines and take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

Positively positive...

I haven't taken a nap but I'm having a cup of that delicious instant coffee instead to perk me up. I need the caffeine so I don't mind how bad it tastes. Actually, I am getting used to it so it isn't the awful experience I make it sound like. It serves the purpose and that's what counts. It is true that I can't wait for a decent cup of coffee and that I've almost forgotten what one tastes like. It will be like an angel peeing on my tongue. 

The day has gone by quickly and no doubt that was partly due to the fact that I slept late this morning. The dog was kind enough not to wake me up at all. I very leisurely had a cup of coffee in my armchair while I remembered who I was and what day it was. I didn't realize that it was Friday the 13th but it wouldn't have made any difference. I would have approached the day the same way. 

I was glad it was Friday and that the domestic help was going to be here to clean up the apartment. It's nice to enter the weekend with everything in ship shape. All I had to do was the dishes and some laundry and make the bed. Luckily it was not that cold outside so I could open the windows and let the place air out. For that reason I'm looking forward to the real springtime so I will be able to always have the windows open. 

I have headaches off and on and sometimes I take a painkiller for them. At least I know why I get them and I'm not worried about them. It's just a bit of a bother. I mostly try to relax and ignore them. I do pay attention to how I hold myself. I make sure that I'm not in a cramped up position and that I sit behind the computer straight. I also think that I need to get some new pillows for my bed. The ones I have are a little old and not so very supportive. 

I just noticed that the domestic help cleaned the French way, in other words, with a lick and a promise. I just gathered a lot of dog hair out from underneath my desk. There's a lot of dust on the baseboard too. I think people in the south don't clean as rigorously as people in the north. The furniture doesn't get vacuumed either and very seldom underneath. I'll have to check it from now on and do some of it myself. I'm still in good enough shape to do that. 

I'm making a shopping list for tomorrow and adding to it as I remember things. It's growing longer by the minute. I've written a coffeemaker on there also. I think I need to go to "Action" with the Exfactor and buy some things I need. I also need another frying pan and another pan to cook in with a glass lid on it. I will get them at very reasonable prices at that store. The only problem is the continual crowd and the long lines by the cash registers. 

It's time for me to take out the dog. It's overcast outside but at least it's dry. It hasn't rained all day. It would have been good weather to dry the laundry outside on the clothes line. Oh well...

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Darn it...

My coffeemaker has completely given up the ghost. I was trying to make a pot of coffee but I waited for one in vain. It made an awful lot of noise and it looked like it was working as hard as it possibly could, but mostly some steam came out of the top. There was no hot water dripping into the filter  and no coffee dripping into the pot. 

I ran a bottle of vinegar through it, which I should have done a long time ago, but it was all to no avail. It is now just sitting there doing nothing at all but playing dead. I'm afraid I killed it through neglect and I'll have to carry it to its last resting place and buy a new one. 

Unfortunately, the stores are all closed now and there's not a coffeemaker to be gotten anywhere. That's the bad news. The good news is that I do have a jar of instant coffee and, although it doesn't taste very good, it does have caffeine in it and that is good enough for me. I do get some gratification out of it. 

It is through this minor miracle that I can sit here and be somewhat coherent and write this. It would be impossible otherwise. I did take a nap earlier and found out about the coffeemaker when I woke up and was shocked when I thought I wasn't going to be able to drink coffee. Luckily, I remembered that jar of instant coffee on the shelf in the kitchen. 

My first reaction was to call the Exfactor to have him, as if by a magic, pull a coffeemaker out of his sleeve. I thought if anyone knew where to get a coffeemaker it would be him. He didn't answer his telephone, however, and really, where would he have gotten one? The things I expect of him!

I hope my sister doesn't mind drinking instant coffee. The stores will be closed on Monday as well because it's another holdiday, so a new coffeemaker can't be bought until Tuesday. That's a long time to go without a decent cup of coffee. We'll have to try and get outselves invited somewhere else a lot.

The Exfactor and I did the groceries this afternoon when everybody else and their brother was doing them too. People had their shopping trolleys filled with groceries and there seemed to be no recession going on. I'm amazed at the money that is spent during the holidays. Maybe it's a good thing because it's good for the economy. I spent more than I usually do too. I'm a over consumer also. 

I also cleaned house and that was a lot of fun. I found out that the vacuum cleaner wasn't working properly and I fixed that. Apparently the domestic helps have been vacuuming at half power. I would have thought they'd let me know. It sure made a difference once I fixed it. There was a stoppage where the hose entered the vacuum cleaner.

I've got to take the dog for a walk into the moon filled night. I'm late, I've been distracted. 

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

In an uproar...

My stomach has been in such an uproar for the past 24 hours that I've only been able to eat two rusk toasts and as a result I am very hungry. I don't dare eat anything else, though, and am glad the rusk toast stayed down. I've been trying to drink something besides water and I'm now trying to drink a much needed cup of coffee. So far, so good. I don't tolerate milk very well at all. I did miss the coffee very much, though. Who am I without my cups of coffee?

I can only think that this is a case of nerves about my sister coming to stay here and in case it is that, I have taken a tranquilizer about an hour ago. I do feel myself getting a lot more relaxed now and I think it may be doing me some good. I was also getting my headache back and I've taken a painkiller. It's very possible that stress translates itself into physical ailments in my case. It wouldn't surprise me at any rate. 

I do have a tendency to let things bother me more than I realize and they build up inside of me until the very moment that it starts to count. I seem fine until that very moment. In the meantime, subversively, the stress is creeping up on me and shows itself suddenly in less expected ways. It seems to always do that in the form of some physical dysfunction. Lately it has been my stomach that seems to be the weak spot. Of course with my gastric band it is bound to be that way. 

My domestic help didn't show up today and this was just on a day that I really needed her. I'll have to do the housecleaning myself now. It's not something I was counting on, especially not with an upset stomach. I hope I'm doing much better by tomorrow. 

The Exfactor was here this afternoon to do the groceries, but we postponed getting them until tomorrow because I was in no shape to go to the supermarket with him to get them. I went to bed instead and took a much needed nap. I sure as heck hope that I'm  in good shape tomorrow because I'll have enough to do. I also have to clean the patio. 

So you see, I'm not doing all that great. I do wish I'd get over it and I hoped that by writing about it I would. There's nothing like putting your problems down in black and white. Or in black and green as the case is here.  Through it all, I'm slightly neglecting the animals and that's unlike me. I do have to make amends as soon as I feel better. I feel most sorry for the dog who feels that something is wrong. He's my most loyal pal and about to notice it. 

I've been able to drink my coffee with some success. I would like to drink some milk now, but that may be pushing my luck. It would be nutritious anyway.

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

I don't think I'll do that...

I opened the flatpacks that the dresser came in with some muscle power. They were very well closed and I had to rip them open. It said not to use a knife and I was obedient. Inside them were a myriad of different parts that had to be put together and a hundred different screws and nuts to do it with. 

There was also an instruction booklet of quite a few pages. 

Now, I know I'm smart enough to tackle the job, but I looked at all the screws and nuts and at my measly little screwdriver and thought, "Forget it, this is a job for the Exfactor!" 

He is supposed to be here tomorrow anyway to do it, and he is bringing his electric screwdriver, so the job will be much easier for him with my able help. I think two can do a better job than one at any rate. We will have it done in no time at all. And, oh yes, it also requires a hammer. That sounds like fun, doesn't it?

I had some spare time on my hands and that's why I considered putting the dresser together, but in the end it was the domestic help who needed my spare time. 

You see, she is almost three months pregnant and in need of a older, wiser listening ear and one with humor. So I had to do my best to cheer her up and make her see the sunny side of pregnancy. I think I succeeded to some extent. 

I'm very capable of being wise and funny simultaneously when I have to help out young pregnant women. I used to be one myself and I know what they need to hear. It seems to me that she's surrounded by doomsday thinkers who tell her horror stories. Someone needed to make her feel good. 

I can't stand people who don't think and say whatever enters their head. You know the kind. They try to be funny while being knuckleheaded with no regard to the person they're being it to. The unwise and the unkind people. The dumb people. Lord save us from them all. 

I feel very protective toward people who I cnsider as falling under my care and start to take things personally when I think they aren't being treated properly in some way. I feel it is my duty to do something about it and be their advocate. At least be their Mother Confessor where they can go and unload their psyches.

I would run interference if they asked me to and give someone a black eye if it came to that, although by nature I'm a non-violent person. Well, I think I am, I won't guarantee it. 

I might have been a fierce warrior in the late Bronze Age. 

In the meantime I'm sitting here looking at the clock because in a little while I have to take the dog for a walk. The sun is shining but it's a little bit cold outside. This morning there was frost on the cars and the fields. 

It's been a great day, although I haven't had enough sleep. I've had enough coffee and that's what has kept me going. It's the caffeine that is making me so wise and brave.

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Irene

Metamorphosis...

I'm happy to report that the medication for my headache is working well and that as long as I take it on time, I am pain free. It is really an anti-inflammatory medicine and I take one pill every eight hours and that is just good enough. I can't tell you what a relief it is not to be in pain anymore and to be able to move around normally. It's just plain wonderful. 

I'm so glad I went to the doctor and that he figured out so quickly what the problem was. I think he deserves a medal for that. That's how grateful I am. I could still be walking around in pain and I shudder at the thought. 

In the meantime, I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee having just woken up from a sound sleep in my new bedroom. The dog howled once and that was enough to immediately awaken me.I was a little confused about my whereabouts but soon figured it out. I was not in Kansas anymore but in the bedroom that had until just the day before been the junk room. 

The domestic help had cleaned it and you could literally eat off the floor. It was all the more obvious that the room needed painting, but now I know that the whole apartment does and it's going to be a big job that I'm not ready to tackle yet. I don't know when I will be able to and I think It;s going to take a small army to do the job. Either that, or a professional painter. I'll have to see how expensive that is. 

The domestic help is a peach. She didn't bat an eye when I asked her if she could clean the bedroom but was enthusiastic right away. She did a great job and when I asked her to help me move the furniture, she was more than eager to help and we worked as a great team together. She doesn't have to do that kind of work at all, but she likes to do me favors. We get along well.

After she left, I added some decorative touches to the room. I have a vase with lighted branches on a high plant stand and I strung up some fairy lights on the shelf system in the corner by the window to make it look cozy and festive. I added items to the bookcase along one wall and hung up a painting above it. I've got the dog's cushion beside my bed and the dog and the cat on my bed where they think they rightfully belong. 

The Exfactor came later in the afternoon but he didn't put the furniture together for the guest room. He had gone to work at seven o'clock in the morning and didn't have the energy left to do it. I could excuse him for that. He's going to do it on Monday or Tuesday and I will wait patiently. I have no other choice to tell you the truth. My sister can't help because she'll be in Italy. I may try to do it by myself, I'll see. It may be a two person job but I may be able to do it on my own. 

I'm having hot flashes as I sit here and I do think I'm too old for those. My fingers are swollen up too. My hormones must be off balance. I've got to blame it on something. 

I hope you're all havng a good night.

Ciao,

Irene

A pain in the neck...

I've got a very cramped up muscle in my neck. The doctor says that it is what's causing my headche. He says it is as tight as a drum and as hard as a rock. He was testing my neck to see what hurt the most and believe me, I found out. It was very painful. 

He wanted to send me to physical therapy but that's no longer covered by my health insurance, so he gave me exercises to do instead. I've also gotten a pain killer that should work well and I have to stay very warm and keep my neck protected from any cold drafts. 

Since the weather had gotten worse, the first thing I did when I got home was close all the windows and turn the heater on. Then I got a scarf off the coat rack and wrapped it around my neck and I haven't taken it off yet. It's actually kind of fortunate that the weather turned bad because now I have an excuse to wear warmer clothes and have the heater turned on. 

It's good to know what's wrong because in my effort to protect myself from the pain from the headache, I was making all the wrong moves. This was actually making the situation worse, I realize now. Now that I know what's wrong, I can take the fact that it's a problem in my neck into account and move differently. The pain killer also helps and makes it easier to move my head and neck around.

I should be doing much better soon and I will not be doing anything that will put my neck in danger such as move heavy furniture around which I was planning on doing.

The Exfactor and a friend of his moved all the junk out of the spare bedroom yesterday. It is an amazing thing to see the room empty except for  a few pieces of furniture. I thought it would never happen. The room does need a good cleaning but luckily my domestic help is going to be here in the morning. If she does nothing else but clean that room, I will be more than happy. 

It's actually going to be my room because the door to the patio is there and I will have to be able to let the dog out during the night. My closet is already there and it will be easy to move my bed there and the few other pieces of furniture that I'll need. I've already filled one shelf system with stuff that is purely mine and it is in place.

The Exfacor will help me with putting the guest room furniture together. He's coming back in the afternoon to do the groceries and may be able to do it then. He's bringing his electric screwdriver. Hopefully the room will be clean by then.. 

I'm constantly catching myself in pain and immediately figuring out what I'm doing wrong. I find that by changing the way I hold my head and neck and shoulders I can relieve the pain. Isn't that good to know? 

I still haven't figured out why drinking ice cold milk helps so much. I always feel better when I do and I drink many glasses of it. I thought it numbed the pain but the doctor said that heat is actually good for it. So that is a bit of a mystery. Whoever knows the answer is free to reveal it.

That's all I have to report for now. I hope you're all having a good night. May it be as pleasant as mine is. 

Ciao,

Irene

Splendidly...

I'm sitting here at the end of the day having a splendid time all by myself in the pleasant company of my animals. It is evening now after a beautiful day with lots of sunshine and the sun has just set. I am ready for a good night at home. I have all the comforts I need and am in a good mood. There's not much that can go wrong now. It is Friday evening and I'm ready for the weekend. 

I didn't have too exciting a day. It went by rather quietly. It was the usual Friday in the company of the Exfactor and my domestic help. They were both pleasant enough to be around and the groceries got done and the apartment got cleaned. What more could I ask for? Fridays always are good days when it comes to that. I do so appreciate the kind deeds that are done for me. 

The best news I had was that my older sister probably has gall stones and nothing worse, although she still has to talk more extensively to her doctor on Monday. There seems to be nothing wrong with her liver and that is a huge relief. I am so glad. I am tremendously cheered by this news because I was expecting something worse. She sounded a lot better over the phone also. 

Imagine being happy about gall stones. 

I am probably slightly hypo-manic now, but I'm making the best of it and enjoying myself as well as I can without letting it get out of hand. I'm bubbling over with happiness. The world is truly my oyster. I feel like I can handle anything at all now. All by myself I'm the happiest person on the block. Don't you think I should take full advantage of that? 

The dog's eye is getting a lot better. He has stopped blinking with it and there's no longer any junk coming out of it. I have to apply the ointment for a week and will do that. It looks a lot better too and he's so good about me applying the ointment. It's like he knows that it's good for him. He's a very trusting animal. 

I wore my tough broad boots today. I hadn't worn them in a while and they truly made me feel like a tough broad. I had forgotten how comfortable they are.They are properly beat up too so they look well used. I really should give them a good shine but I don't have the right polish. I should put that on the next shopping list. I'm sure they would look even better if they sparkle. I don't know if that would make me look tougher. 

Tomorrow it's going to be cooler than it was today and we will have a few showers, but that won't bother me. I don't mind a little bit of rain. It can be quite cozy when you're inside. No doubt nature needs it right now the way everything is growing so rapidly. As far as I'm concerned, springtime is here and nothing can stop it now. 

That's what makes going for walks so much fun. There's always something new to discover in people's gardens. What wasn't there one day, is there the next. There's  always a surprise. Even my own jasmine bush, scraggly as it is, is getting lots of buds on it. The little trees will be next. 

I've got to make myself some coffee to drink. I'm in need of some caffeine. I haven't had a cup in the longest time. I've been to busy to make a pot. My brain will welcome the stimulance. I will be all straightened out in no time at all. There's nothing like a cup of coffee to set your world right, even when you think it already is.

Have a good evening everyone.

Ciao,

Irene

Irene's Dutch Diva Blog

The year of the dragon...

I'm very happily sat here with my second cup of coffee and it's still a decent time of the night. It's not even midnight yet and that's also surprisng to me. For a change I'm up at a more normal time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I may even turn into a quite ordinary person and start keeping quite ordinary hours. Miracles never cease. 

I've had an enervating day. I spent some time redecorating the living room because I was not finished with it and I had to add some of the almost final touches. The real final touches I will add on Wednesday when I have been to Ikea and have picked up the things I want to get there. Then the metamorphosis will be complete. 

I also got ambitious and cleaned up my bedroom which had become a catch all for everything that I had no space for in the living room. I got a big trash bag and started tossing things out and reorganizing. I rearranged the whole bookcase and emptied out drawers of obsolete items. Such a mess I had. I purged the whole room and did a bit of decorating there too. 

Luckily, the domestic help was here also, so she could clean as I purged and between the two of us, we got the place looking spiffy. We were both very pleased with ourselves. And just think, I got all of that done just because of two new paintings. They were my inspiration. 

I quit smoking this morning. I'm hesitant to say this in case I don't make it and start up again, but I have the best of intentions. I was thinking about what I could do with all the money that I spend on tobacco every month and suddenly was disgusted with the whole thing. In a flash I knew I would stop the foolishness. I said a prayer, put on a nicotine patch and quit. 

Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment with the counselor at the doctor's office who helps you stay quit. I don't know yet how she does that, but I'm going to get her help as much as I can. Whatever it takes, I will do. I can't tell you that it's not frustrating at times, but I'm surviving. I have rubber bands around my wrist that I fiddle with when the urge to smoke becomes too bad. It does pass after a while.The urge to smoke comes in waves. It's not a constant pressure. 

I must go back to bed. The urge to smoke is less when I'm lying down and the time passes more quickly when you're asleep. Also when you are keeping yourself busy. That is why I am getting so much done. I have to paint the living room and the hallway next. Yippee! 

Ciao,

Nora

A hill of beans...

I'm up enjoying my cups of coffee and not worrying about what time I have to get up in the morning because absolutely nobody is going to be here during the day. No personal helper and no domestic help. This is partly due to circumstances and partly due to the holidays. I'm not complaining because I don't mind having a day off. I'm sure I'll get through it just fine. There's always something to do. 

I'll make it up as I go along. I'm sure I'll manage to keep myself out of the worst trouble. What's a middle aged woman to do anyway when she's home all by herself? There aren't an awful lot of things that can go wrong. At the most I may indulge in a lot of television watching. I'll certainly watch a lot of news and be very well informed. I'll have my finger on the pulse. Ha!

I know I'll have to do whatever I can not to be bored and I'll have to spend a lot of time meditating to fill in the empty moments so I won't go mad. There will be lots of contemplating my navel in quiet solitude. That's one way to get through the day. Luckily, I'm good at that and I don't easily tire of that exercise. I do enjoy the peaceful feeling it affords me. It's good if you can tolerate your own company and don't feel like fleeing into the arms of the first available person. 

I'm drinking ice cold milk and I'm starting to yawn. Soon it will be time to go back to bed. I hope I sleep for a long time in the morning without too many intricate dreams. The best is dreamless sleeping. That way you wake up untroubled. 

I feel perfectly at ease now and ready for whatever lies ahead. I don't dread the coming day. I will face it like I've faced many others like it. Keeping myself safe and sound is the main objective. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

A cup of coffee will help...

It's late in the evening and I've already been asleep. Unfortunately, I was not as lucky as I was Monday night when I went to bed early and stayed asleep all night long. I slept for almost twelve hours then. It was unheard of.

No, tonight I woke up again, but I was sitting here bleary eyed, almost unable to do anything, and I was thinking about going back to bed. Then I realized that I had not had any coffee yet and quickly made some and now I'm having a cup of it. Rather rapidly I'm coming to my senses as the caffeine kicks in. I'm almost coherent now. 

I must have had a shortage in my brain to think I could have sat here without a cup of coffee. I know I can't function without having had the caffeine. I don't know what I was thinking. A general lethargy had a hold of me and it felt as if my body was pulled down extra hard by gravity. Beyond the normal pull that gravity has. 

I had that lethargy in my brain also. Thank goodness for bright ideas and the willpower to see them through. It did cost me some effort to open up the new package of coffee. As always it was vacuum packed and a pain in the neck to open. You're supposed to be able to do that without the aid of scissors and it's quite a trick. It's a matter of honor that I do. 

I don't know how I managed to sleep for almost twelve hours Monday night. I did get up twice. Once to go to the toilet and once to let the dog out back. Both times I was very sleepy headed and stumbled back into bed. I haven't slept like that since I was a teenager. I'm sorry I'm not repeating the exercise tonight. I did have great hopes, but I was foiled in my attempt. 

I alphabetized the bookcase. I thought I was doing a great job, but in the end I was left with about ten books that I had overlooked. I just stuck those in at the end. I can't be perfect and I'll know where they are. I took my time doing that while the domestic help cleaned the apartment. I wanted to make myself useful while she was here. 

I may not be reading much, but at least my books are organized. While I was doing this, I ran into all sorts of books I have not read yet and they did make me curious. I'm going to wait until I get my varifocal glasses and see if they make any difference in my reading ability. I may also dislike reading because I have crappy reading glasses. We'll see. These don't correct for my astigmatism and that may make a difference. 

The weather was dreary today. It was drizzling and chilly. It was not the kind of day to be cheerful about. I suppose you could say that it was a real autumn day in the worst sense. Today it's going to be a lot better and we'll even have some sunshine. I don't mind the cold as long as the sun is shining. I have grown quite attached to sunshine this fall. I've really learned to appreciate it after all the rain we had. 

The dog is trying to convince me that he needs to go out again. He knows just the kind of facial expression to make with that plea. I'm ignoring him for now. I'll wait and see how badly he really needs to go. Sometimes it's just an excuse to go out back and sniff all over the place because the cat has gone out there. 

I've got to think about going back to bed, but of course I'm wide awake now. I will start drinking cold milk and see if it will alter my brainwaves into a different pattern. A more 'go to sleep now' pattern. Sometimes it works. Milk seems to have that effect on me. It's nice if certain beverages alter your brain chemically. You don't have to rely on pills. 

Have a good night all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Moving in ever smaller circles...

For some reason I'm totally indifferent to the fact that today is Friday. Really, any day of the week would be alright with me. I have no preference right now. All the days of the week seem to go by smoothly and one day is not actually that much different than the other. 

Today will have its own interesting elements, but none of these will be earth shattering or mind blowing. My life never does take drastic turns like that and I guess I prefer it that way. I certainly don't want too much excitement. A little bit of that would be more than enough. 

I suppose I would like a few highlights besides taking the dog for brisk walks in the cold autumn air. Those in themselves are a pleasure, of course. The weather is perfect right now and it is a joy to be outside warmly dressed. There's enough sunshine to make me cheerful and the dog gallivants around happily too.

I guess I would like a trip downtown with my sister to pick up my glasses, but the optician hasn't called to tell me they're ready to be picked up yet. I will have to wait patiently. I would also like a visit to the hairdresser, but my next appointment isn't until two weeks from now, so that's something I can't look forward to right now. That's something for later.

The Exfactor and the domestic help are going to be here today, so that's going to put some restrictions on my movements. They will both be here for good causes, so I shouldn't complain about it. And I wasn't about to. I guess the nice thing about Friday is that some necessary things do get done and that gets me ready for the weekend. 

I'm starting to yawn and I'll have to go back to bed. First I'll take my medicines because it's almost morning. I like for them to already work when I get up again. It makes the waking up process easier. I also don't have to worry about what time I get up. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Scribbling down the words...

I'm having a nice enough time sitting here in the middle of the night with my usual cup of coffee and my cigarette. Isn't it just the perfect scenario for me? I couldn't ask for a better setting. It's as if all the items are set in place and I fit in with them perfectly. 

I fill my niche completely. All I have to do is get up and make coffee and sit down in my desk chair behind the computer. The rest happens almost by itself. I'm a single middle aged woman with a set routine that will probably never change. And I like it. 

All that will happen is that I'll slowly grow older, but I'll ignore that for now. Maybe if I don't pay close enough attention, I won't notice it, although I must say that I've gotten used to looking into the magnifying mirror that I've just gotten into my possession and it tells me a different story. 

In it I see many wrinkles when I apply the soothing Zwitsal baby lotion to my face. But then I tell myself that no one else ever sees me quite like that and turn the mirror over to the normal view. That's much less painful. I'll have to remember to not get up close and too personal with anyone. 

The one comfort that I do have is that all the wrinkles in my face are laugh lines and are caused by me smiling or laughing a lot. I can't think of a better reason for them to be there. That's so much better than having a droopy face and the furrows that go with that. 

I've remembered to put my bathrobe into the washing machine and it is now waiting for a full load that I can wash. I'm sitting here in my warm, gray, oversized cardigan which is mostly wool and keeps me warm too. 

For a change, I'm wearing a matching set of pajamas because I reorganized the stack of matched and mismatched pairs of them.  I didn't even know what I owned anymore and was surprised to find the matching pair. I've also organized my tank tops and T-shirts.

Sometimes you can look at a semi-mess for a long time and grow so used to it that you forget to do anything about it until one day it dawns on you that you can and that it's relatively simple to. All you have to do is wrap you mind around it. 

I now have three neat stack of clothes on my shelf system and it's fairly simple to keep them that way, providing my domestic help doesn't get it in her head to reorganize them. She does have an independent mind sometimes and does things that are beyond my logic. 

Yesterday was a good enough day, although it was cold and dreary and it rained for part of it. It wasn't exactly cheerful weather. I had to postpone walking the dog in the evening and he was kind of put out about that because he thought we weren't going at all. 

Luckily, when he despaired, it stopped raining and we took a romp around the fields. Today it's going to be a little bit warmer, but it will only be temporary and tomorrow it will be wet and cold again. The dampness is really the worst. The cold is not bad and it would be great if there were sunshine.

I'm going to sit in my armchair for a while now and read. It's not nearly dawn yet and I have lots of time left. The day is my oyster. Hopefully there will be enough excitement in it. I'm more than ready for some. I'll have to make it as interesting as I can. I'll make sure I'm up to the challenge. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Waiting for inspiration...

I'm sitting here in the middle of the night with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes waiting for inspiration to hit me so I can write a brilliant post. So far all I can come up with is that my pajama bottoms are so big that they fall down whenever I stand up or walk around. But that's just trivial information and it's not going to keep you enthralled for a long time. I'll have to do better than that. Besides, I mostly sit or lie down in bed when I wear them so it's not much of a problem at all. 

The dog woke me up because he was obviously bored being by himself in the dark. He is now sound asleep on the coffee table and I haven't done a thing for him but get up. All he wanted was my company. He didn't even have to go out back for a piddle. I wouldn't have minded standing by the back door in the cool night air and maybe I'll get the opportunity later. It is always nice to cool off and look at the starry sky. The little piece of it I see anyway. 

The cat is the cat. She doesn't care much what I do as long as she gets to lie on top of me or in my vicinity. All I have to make sure of is that her bowls are filled with kibbles and milk. That's easily done because they stand on the kitchen counter and are not quickly overlooked. A cat is the easiest animal to look after. I do have to handle her with care. She's delicate.

It's going to be another warm day today. There will be nothing but bright sunshine. It won't get cooler until the middle of next week. We'll have more normal temperatures for the time of year then. I've enjoyed the sunshine, but I haven't enjoyed the heat all that much. It's wasted on me. I'm a cool weather person. A true Northern European.

I've got a new domestic help for Fridays and she's going to be permanent. Luckily, she's a very nice woman and she's thorough. We got along well and enjoyed each other's company. Now I won't have to deal with having a different person here every time I turn around which was bothersome and stressful. Especially if it was a man who didn't do his job well. Men don't know how to clean and like to talk a lot. They are a haphazard bunch. Spare me a man as a domestic help. 

I suppose that's all I've got to blog about really. The brilliance of this post is not that clear. In fact, it's hard to find. I won't worry about it if you won't. 

I hope you're all having a good night or a good day, whichever applies to you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Stealing the early hours of the morning....

I'm ever so content sitting here rather early in the morning with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes. I've got a half way decent day to look forward to and there's not much that can get in the way of my good mood and me, except that it will be raining today. 

Hopefully it will mostly be a drizzle like it was yesterday when it only rarely rained straight forward. I walked the dog in it and we did get wet, but it was no disaster. The dog got mostly damp on the bottom half from the wet grass he walked through. 

Luckily, there weren't any puddles for him to wade through because that's his favorite thing to do. He doesn't care if he gets wet. He's totally indifferent, so I think he must be related to a duck. 

The cat came in last night dappled in rain drops and I was afraid to pet her in case I made it worse. She sat on my lap and slowly dried and by the time I was ready to go to bed her fur was completely dried up again. 

She did very cozily find her warm spot to sleep on the bed. No doubt she had not enjoyed getting wet very much, knowing cats in general. Possibly she had been surprised by a shower while she was out. 

The leaves are starting to fall off the trees and I've already had to sweep the patio once. This turned out to be not too bad of a job and I was done in no time. If I do it once a week I will keep it under control and I won't feel like I'm overwhelmed. 

No doubt, one week the leaves will decide to fall off all at once and I'll have my work cut out for me.

For as cold and dreary as it is now, that's how warm it is going to be tomorrow with temperatures in the 80's. It will call for completely different clothes and I will have to put my cowboy boots back in the closet for a day or so. We've had these odd Saturdays of hot weather off and on.

Some weather god must smile on us during the weekends and feel that we deserve good weather at least then. 

I've done a lot of laundry this week and it amazes me how much of it one person can produce. I'm almost caught up. It's only the capacity of the drying rack that slows me down. 

I change my bed a lot, so I always have a lot of sheets to wash. They take up a lot of space. The outside clothesline is unavailable because of the rain, which is a shame because sun dried sheets smell the best. I imagine I sleep better between them. 

I've got to take my morning dose of medicines and go back to bed for a while. I'm not quite done sleeping yet. No doubt I'll be woken up by the Exfactor when he gets here this morning. I'll have coffee with him and that will leave me time to do the dishes before the domestic help gets here. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora