The proper mood...

I've been sitting here for a while trying to get in the right mood to write a post. I was feeling very grumpy and could not think of a nice thing to write. I knew I would have to change my attitude because I didn't want this to tunr into one great lament. I had to do a bit of self analysis and drink a glass of ice cold milk. I think I've got the attitude problem sorted out and the milk has made me feel a lot better too.

Just as easily as I can get very optimistic, I can also get into a total funk. It is usually short lived but intense. There is usually a reason for it because it's about something that's bothering me a lot and something that I really need to rant about. Since I don't have that possibility, I have to work it out on my own. I have a mini storm rage inside of me but at a certain point it boils down to a mild simmer and then I don't feel so bad anymore. 

After wrestling with this particular issue, I'm left feeling very tired and I really want to go back to bed and sleep. I will postpone that a little while and finish this post.I don't have an appointment until 1:30 pm and I have enough time to sleep. This appoinment is to practice relaxation and breathing techniques and it's something completely new for me.

Well, that's not true. I do know relaxation techniques and do apply them but not on a regular enough basis. I do know how to get back in the moment very well but there are crucial times when I forget. It has to become second nature. 

I will be a perfect human being yet.

I need to go back to bed. I'm so tired. 

Have a good night you all.

Ciao,
Irene

After all's been said and done.

I'm drinking coffee because it's the most agreeable beverage I can drink (even better than ice cold milk) and it's putting me in a very good mood. Now, if you had your choice, wouldn't you do the same thing and fill yourself with some caffeine? 

I know it's only a semi-permanent effect and that it will wear off again and that it will not prevent me from sleeping tonight. As soon as I quit drinking the coffee and switch to something else, I will start mellowing out again and I will be yawning by the time it is bedtime. 

I'm almost always an optimist and today I most certainly am.

It must be because today the sun has been shining, except for the occasional cloud, and it cast its light into the living room for most of the afternoon, making it nice and warm in here.  It does make me feel more cheerful but I already was anyway. 

I was from the moment I got up this morning and was merrily greeted by the dog. What a way to start the day. I drank my coffee and smoked my cigarettes in all peacefulness and silence. I had given myself an hour to get myself together and that was enough. Then I was ready to get the show on the road and the first thing I did was take the dog for a walk in the crispy morning air. 

I've done all the things that I planned to do today and I consider it successful. I hope I will repeat myself tomorrow when it will be a little less hectic. I will still have to accomplish things but they will all have to be done at home which will simplify the process.

I've ordered another denim jacket on line which will be delivered in the afternoon. It's a gray one with little pink flowers. It will match the clothes that my blue denim one doesn't. I live in my blue denim jacket, except for when it needs to be washed and then I miss it sorely. It's become an inseperable part of me.

I've started to pay attention more to the way I look. I had neglected that a little bit lately and put my clothes on without much care to the details. Today I've got a scraf draped around my neck that I haven't worn in a long time and I'm pleased with the effect. I picked it up instinctively, not knowing how it would look. It was the right choice. 

One of my rings has fallen off my finger and I don't know when it happened so I don't know where to look for it. It could be anywhere. It's a shame because it's one I liked a lot, although it was not an expensive one. That's how skinny my fingers have become and I wish my stomach would follow suit.

Thank goodness that I can see clearly now because the domestic help has washed the windows.

Ciao,

Irene

Drinking genuine coffee...

There's nothing that perks you up as well as drinking a freshly brewed cup of coffee. It makes a tremendous amount of difference with a cup of instant coffee which doesn't seem to do a lot for me in comparrison. I had forgotten what it was like to drink a freshly brewed cup of coffee and what it did for me but I'm glad I'm having the experience now. It has improved my mood tremendously and I haven't felt as good since the old coffeemaker died.

The Exfactor was kind enough to bring me the new coffeemaker yesterday because he didn't want me to drink the instant coffee any longer and thought I shouldn't have to wait until Friday when he is coming over next. I sure do appreciate that. It's the seemingly little things in life that make the most difference and that make you the most happy. You can savor them and be truly glad that you've got them. 

In that same manner I'm enjoying the newly trimmed dog who looks so different and who I have to keep looking at with a smile. He's taken on a whle new appearance and it's like I took a new dog home from the trim salon. I know he's the same dog because he shows the same amount of adoration if not more so because he thought I had abandoned him forever there. We're bonding up a storm and are like a newly wed couple and inseperable. I had missed him for the time he was gone. So had the cat. 

I'm now drinking a tall glass of ice cold milk to quench my thrist and to get over the high of the coffee. I do have to settle down again because I have to go back to bed again in a while. It's with some mixed feelings that I look forward to that because I'm wide awake but I'll soon start yawning and be more ready to go.

After having had things on the program for the past three days, I have nothing going on tomorrow and I can sleep as late as I want. It's also with mixed feelings that I look forward to that. I'd like to sleep late but actually doubt if I will having gotten used to waking up early. I won't know what to do with myself and hope I can find some household chores to do.

We're supposed to have periods of rain  and it won't be all that warm, but rain was promised yesterday too and not much came of it. There were some splatters and that was about it. We don't always get a lot of the weather down here in the south that the rest of the country gets.

I've finished my milk and will be off to my bed now. The dog has been out back twice in the time I've sat here. I think the second time was just for amusement but I couldn't be sure. Sometimes he has legitimate reasons. 

I hope you're all having a good night. 

Ciao,

Irene

An undetermined mood...

I'm actually still yawning from the long nap I took this afternoon and the cup of coffee I just had has not made much of an impact yet. I guess I didn't make it strong enough and the second cup will have to pack a punch. That's why my mood is still undetermined and I have no idea of how I'm put together yet. I think right now I'm mostly grumpy but I'll try to get over that as quickly as I can and you can all be witness to it. Watch a metamorphosis take place. 

I must be in one of those cycles that I need a lot of sleep because I have not gotten a shortage of it for the last 24 hours. It seems that I can't get enough of it. I even slept on the sofa for an hour while I was waiting for the domestic help to get here. When she did, I was so comatose that I could hardly talk to her. So much for my conversational skills that usually don't let me down. But right now I'd rather sleep than do almost anything else and that includes eating, although that doesn't say much. 

The sun has been shining a lot today but it hasn't actually been a warm day. I did have to wear my winter coat when I went out and I've had the heater on for most of the day. I do have to admit that I get cold quickly and I seem to be allergic to the cold. I was definitely meant to live in a warmer climate. But at least the sun was out and it did cheer things up. Of course, the world is a lot greener and that does make things look a lot more cheerful too.

I do appreciate the fact that I have to go out a couple of times a day to walk the dog because otherwise I would not be aware of how quickly nature is changing right now. It's thé opportunity for me to be out regularly and see how green the trees are becoming and how many dandelions there are growing in the grass. The lowly dandelion does have its place in nature too. 

There, I've become sensible and wide awake again and I never did have that second cup of coffee. I had two glasses of cold milk instead. I was very thirsty and slightly hungry too. That milk took care of that. 

I can now move on to the next chapter and that is to take my medicines and take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

You get used to anything...

I am getting used to the horrid taste of the instant coffee and have almost forgotten what a decent cup of coffee tastes like. I guess that's a good thing. If I am going to drink this awful stuff, I may as well get used to it and not find it as horrible as I did in the beginning. It does what it is supposed to do and that is get me alert enough after I wake up from sleeping or if I'm having a dip. 

The fact that it has caffeine in it is the most important thing, although I did have my doubts about that when I first started drinking it. I even looked on the jar to make sure it wasn't decaffeinated coffee. At first I thought it wasn't doing a thing for me, but I've since started making stronger cups of it. That's working quite a bit better. 

The sad news is that my older sister was not able to come down here. She is in too bad a shape to make it. She called me this morning and was very disappointed. She had a packed bag all ready to go but had to cancel her trip. She is going to try and come later this month if she can get her illness under control better but I doubt she is going to be able to. I think until she's seen the specialist, she's just going to have an awfully hard time. 

At least I will be able to save most of the foods I bought for her stay here. Most of them can go into the freezer and the other ones can stay in the cupboards. I'll have to eat the bananas but that will be no great sacrafice.  I was looking forward to fixing the food but it will wait. It's more fun to cook for two people than it is for one.

I did go and have brunch with my younger sister and her family. She had all sorts of foods and a nicely laid out table. I had a hard boiled egg and a little bit of fruit salad but there were many more things to choose from. One of them was the special Easter bread which looked great but which I'm unable to eat. I was awfully full when I was done eating and felt like I had eaten a ton of food. I wish I could have, it all looked so good. 

Instead of going for a walk with them after the meal, I went home and took a nap to help digest my food. I was better able to sleep than to walk. My stomach was that uncomfortable. The nap was a success and I felt better afterwards. The dog woke me up because he wanted to go for a walk, so I briefly went out with him. I wasn't quite ready yet for the bigger work. 

Now I'm sitting here drinking a glass of milk and I'm waiting for the day to come to an end. It went by quickly and I haven't done much. I don't have much to show for it, except for a bloated stomach. An idiot would have more to show for his day.

Happy Easter all of you!

Ciao,

Irene

Running in a lower gear...

I'm not quite as wide awake as I usually am at this time of the night. For some reason I am more tired and sleepy. It could be because the dog woke me up out of a sound sleep when I was least prepared for it. He had to go out back, of course. 

At least he doesn't have any accidents inside anymore. There are no more innocent puddles to step into in the morning. He no longer fouls his own nest. Thank goodness for small favors. 

I am having some coffee and it is waking me up somewhat, though I'm not getting the caffeine kick that I usually do.I guess this is not my lucky night. I mustn't despair, though. I haven't had my second cup of coffee yet. Anything is still possible. 

I am usually full of piss and vinegar in the middle of the night and more than ready to write a post and do all sorts of things. Even more so than during the daytime. You'd think I saved all my energy for the nighttime and used it all up then. Now I´m sitting here yawning. 

I do have to keep looking at the bright side of things and that is that the night is peaceful and quiet and that all is well with my little world, but that´s just very personally speaking.

It doesn´t take into account that my sister is going to be here and that she is very sick. The surgeon who saw her told her that her symptoms are too severe for it to be only a matter of gallstones. He is sending her to a gastroenterologist. 

I do worry about her and I think this news, that I got today, weighs heavy on my mind. I wanted the problem to be something simple like gallstones and wished for it, although I had my doubts. I think she did too.

Now that I shared this with you, I feel a little bit lighter. I had not realized how much this was bothering me. I want to help her and will do whatever I can to make her stay here as pleasant as possible. I want to spoil her as much as I can. That speaks for itself, of course. 

At least I know now why I don´t have my usual get up and go. I can take that into account. I must cheer up and be more lively. It will not do to be down in the dumps. It doesn´t help anyone. 

Right, I will now pour myself a glass of ice cold milk and pull myself up by my socks. And I do have some sleeping left to do. I will take care of that also.

Ciao,

Irene

A pain in the neck...

I've got a very cramped up muscle in my neck. The doctor says that it is what's causing my headche. He says it is as tight as a drum and as hard as a rock. He was testing my neck to see what hurt the most and believe me, I found out. It was very painful. 

He wanted to send me to physical therapy but that's no longer covered by my health insurance, so he gave me exercises to do instead. I've also gotten a pain killer that should work well and I have to stay very warm and keep my neck protected from any cold drafts. 

Since the weather had gotten worse, the first thing I did when I got home was close all the windows and turn the heater on. Then I got a scarf off the coat rack and wrapped it around my neck and I haven't taken it off yet. It's actually kind of fortunate that the weather turned bad because now I have an excuse to wear warmer clothes and have the heater turned on. 

It's good to know what's wrong because in my effort to protect myself from the pain from the headache, I was making all the wrong moves. This was actually making the situation worse, I realize now. Now that I know what's wrong, I can take the fact that it's a problem in my neck into account and move differently. The pain killer also helps and makes it easier to move my head and neck around.

I should be doing much better soon and I will not be doing anything that will put my neck in danger such as move heavy furniture around which I was planning on doing.

The Exfactor and a friend of his moved all the junk out of the spare bedroom yesterday. It is an amazing thing to see the room empty except for  a few pieces of furniture. I thought it would never happen. The room does need a good cleaning but luckily my domestic help is going to be here in the morning. If she does nothing else but clean that room, I will be more than happy. 

It's actually going to be my room because the door to the patio is there and I will have to be able to let the dog out during the night. My closet is already there and it will be easy to move my bed there and the few other pieces of furniture that I'll need. I've already filled one shelf system with stuff that is purely mine and it is in place.

The Exfacor will help me with putting the guest room furniture together. He's coming back in the afternoon to do the groceries and may be able to do it then. He's bringing his electric screwdriver. Hopefully the room will be clean by then.. 

I'm constantly catching myself in pain and immediately figuring out what I'm doing wrong. I find that by changing the way I hold my head and neck and shoulders I can relieve the pain. Isn't that good to know? 

I still haven't figured out why drinking ice cold milk helps so much. I always feel better when I do and I drink many glasses of it. I thought it numbed the pain but the doctor said that heat is actually good for it. So that is a bit of a mystery. Whoever knows the answer is free to reveal it.

That's all I have to report for now. I hope you're all having a good night. May it be as pleasant as mine is. 

Ciao,

Irene

Still crazy after all these years...

Because I must be fighting a virus, I take naps at every opportunity in my armchair and on the sofa. They happen quite spontaneously and are completely unplanned. I just drift off on the spot and wake up in the most uncomfortable positions. But I'm always more alert and refreshed than I was beforehand so apparently I need them. My headache is a bit better today, but I'm still taking the paracetamol and it's helping a lot.

The bedroom furniture was delivered this afternoon in not too many individual packages so it looks like it's not going to be that much work to put it together. That is a bit of a relief. I had been a bit concerned about that because I have to ask the Exfactor to help me put it together. Although he is very handy, I don't want it to be too complicated. I want the whole business to go as easy as possible. I don't want fixing up the spare bedroom to become a frustrating experience.

I'm very thisty and am drinking one glass of ice cold milk after the other. It's like I can't get enough of it, although they're bloating my stomach. I so very much feel like having very cold things to drink. I don't have any ice cubes or I would make cold lemonade, although that is a little bit too sweet. My older sister and I are both hooked on cold milk. We seem to love dairy products, pudding, yogurt, buttermilk. The last one would taste very good right now. I do like the sour taste of it.

I've not done any interesting things today, but I think I can be excused. Getting through the day without too much of a headache is enough of an achievement. I thought I was rather down when I started the day, but it was probably because of not feeling well and needing to sleep. A physical ailment can make you feel down too. 

I feel that I'm all done rapid cycling. I don't get halleluja moods anymore. I'm glad about that. I know myself better this way. I'm on familiar grounds now.

I hope you're all having a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Past midnight and all is well...

In my sleep I compose interesting sentences to put in my blog posts but when I wake up they immediately recede to the back of my mind to become irretrievably lost to me. Only a vague imprint of them remains in my mind but not enough to be able to use them. I know they were very profound because I'm sure I only dream very profound things. I'm convinced that I don't waste my dreams on frivolous subjects. 

Having stated that, I have to tell you that it's been eight days since I stopped smoking and that I haven't had a cigarette since then. Who would have thought that possible? I'm mighty proud of myself and know I can do it from this point on. I have no doubt about it that I'm an ex-smoker now even though it's only been a short time since I quit. To me it already seems like a very long time. 

Yesterday it snowed all day long. Imagine my surprise when I opened up the curtains in the morning and saw snow. I hadn't heard the weather forecast and had no idea that it was supposed to. It finally stopped snowing in the evening and there's none falling now. I'm not thrilled about it but the world is pretty. It's supposed to turn into an icy sludge during the day which is less fun. I'm sure I won't be happy about taking the dog out in it. 

These times that I'm up are just interludes between naps. That's how I view them. I'm momentarily awake. My true mission is to go back to bed and sleep some more. It's the most pleasant way of existing that I can think of, especially the times just before I fall asleep and when I just wake up. Those are the times when I'm filled with happiness. I have my own quiet joy all by myself then. 

I'm having a glass of cold milk and it's very refreshing. I had a cup of coffee to straighten out my head but it hardly needed straightning out. It was the last of the coffee and I have been drinking tea today. It was not too bad an experience. It was black tea that I thought I had problems with but it was fine. I'll have tea in the morning and hope it suffices in waking me up. 

The Exfactor will be here and together we will go to the cheap store where they sell everything but the kitchen sink. I've heard they have duvet covers on sale there right now. I hope to find some other things that I may need and I'm going to browse through the store and have a good look around. Maybe there will be things to decorate the apartment with. A person can always hope. 

I'm going back to bed. Hopefully I will sleep for a few more hours. 

Ciao,

Nora

Not smoking...

I've had two days of not smoking now and I must say that it's not always easy. I think about cigarettes and wanting to smoke one a lot. There are times when it is almost constantly on my mind.

Luckily, I am unable to smoke because I have removed all the tobacco from the apartment. There is none here that I can make cigarettes with in a moment of temptation. I find that much easier to deal with because now if I get those cravings for them, I don't have to worry about giving into them. I can go ahead and acknowledge the craving and know that there's nothing I can do about it.

I find it easier to drink a cup of coffee without a cigarette than to drink a glass of milk without one. I don't know why that is. I haven't yet started to compensate for the lack of cigarettes by starting to eat more. Maybe that is because I have the nicotine patch.

I have been told that regardless, I will gain a couple of kilos because everybody does once they stop smoking. It's a small price to pay, I think. It has to do with the slowing down of your metabolism or something along those lines. It was explained to me by the person who I had an appoinment with at the doctor's office, but I don't quite remember it all now.

Enough about that. There are other things in life than quitting smoking, although it doesn't seem that way right now.  I am sort of preoccupied with it at the moment.

This morning I'm going to Ikea with my sister to pick up the things I will need to finish transforming the living room. I've got my shopping list all ready to go and I know that the items I want are available. I'm looking forward very much to going and buying the things I need, but I'm looking forward even more to coming home with them and putting them in place.

Yesterday afternoon, when I was feeling unsettled, I took the dog for a long walk, much to the pleasure of the dog. We took a route that we seldom take and the dog was well behaved. He didn't dawdle everywhere. We walked at a pretty steady pace and when we got home I really felt that we had gotten some exercise.

When I still proved to be uneasy because of the non smoking policy, I went to bed and took a nap. I had changed the sheets and very gladly got in between them. The nap got me over the worst part of the cravings. It's funny that the daytime should be the worst for missing the cigarettes. I had not expected that. I thought it would be worse during the nighttime, like right now.

This is, after all, when I have the most fun and when I indulge in all my pleasures. I let it all hang out during the night, or so I thought. Apparently I'm not as out of control as I thought I was. I am, for the most part, just as sensible during the night as I am during the day. There goes my reputation as a fun girl. It's completely shot.

I must go back to bed now. I have nothing interesting left to write about and I want to go to sleep so it will be morning soon. I'm like a kid anticipating a school outing.

Ciao,
Nora

Forgetfulness...

I'm glad it is the weekend and I can leave this awfully strange week behind me and have two very ordinary days. The reason I say it's been an awfully strange week, is because it feels as though it's been filled with out of the ordinary events and that it actually contained more than the ordinary amount of days. The days went by quickly enough but there seemed to be so many of them, making it look like a long week. Looking back on it now, it seems like a very odd time.

I'm more than ready for things to return to normal and for me to find my natural niche again, albeit in a somewhat modefied form. I do take my experiences and the lessons I learned from them with me, but I can't put my old self overboard and conjur up a whole new person. I think I was trying too hard to do that. I was forcing a metamorphosis on myself that was too far removed from my original self and it became painful. I can't chuck myself out with yesterday's rubbish.

To thine own self be true. 

I'm sitting here with a glass of cold milk in my comfortable, warm bathrobe, but in my mind I'm already going back to bed. I think I'm ready to go to sleep so I can start the weekend properly in the morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

For better or worse...

Through the course of the day yesterday, the bug I had moved from my throat and my chest to my stomach and my belly. In other words, it made its rounds. I felt the worst in the afternoon when I laid down in bed and had a fitful sleep and stomach spasms. I was aware of feeling very sick and making it a point to try and not wake up and consciously experience it. 

That did get me through the bad part, although I had the chills for the rest of the day into the evening. Now that I'm up in the middle of the night, I feel better and I think the worst of it is over. I don't nearly have the aches and pains in my body that I had and my head feels more normal too. It doesn't feel in a sick state anymore. 

It must have been a 24 hour bug and I should be fine in the morning. I told you that I never do get properly sick like other people do for days on end. I get being sick over and done within the shortest amount of time. 

Except for the bother of the aches and pains, it was very boring to be sick and I hope I don't have to repeat it any time soon. You can't do any of the things that you regularly do and on top of everything, I missed my appointment with my therapist. Food and drink don't taste very good either and are no diversion. At the end of the day I ate some crackers, but that was it. 

I crave a milkshake, but I'm having some ice cold milk instead. I wasn't able to drink that yesterday. It's a good sign that I can drink it now without my stomach protesting.

I've got to go back to bed and finish sleeping. I look forward to being a healthy person again the morning. 

Ciao,

Nora

The same, but different...

I've already slept well and longer than I usually do. I made the mistake of waking up all by myself and in the process waking up the dog who was peacefully lying down beside me on the bed. That was a shame because he'd had no plans to get up until I woke him. 

Once I did, he wouldn't let me go back to sleep, of course, and proceeded to lick my face every time I tried. I blame it on the fact that he enjoys my company. I enjoy his too and would have searched for him immediately if he had not been beside me when I woke up. We are that attached to each other. 

I made just enough coffee for two cups, but I only drank one until my stomach protested and I switched to cold milk. I'm much happier now and my thirst is quenched. 

I've not been drinking nearly the amount of coffee that I used to and I can only think that this is a good thing. As a consequence, I've had to figure out how to make a little bit of coffee in the coffeemaker and I've got that down to a science. I don't need so much coffee to wake up with. A little bit of caffeine goes a long way. My coffee consumption is cut in half. 

Today I'll go on a mission of much importance and I've got to make sure that I'm properly turned out because I have to make a good impression. I have to look like the sensible good woman that I am. Or at least of what society's idea is of that. I've got to put some thought into what I'll wear. Somehow I think that will lend more credence to my words. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Once more into the jungle...

I am deeply involved with a close family member's psychological problems and, although it is something I can not blog about freely, I do want to bring it to your attention because it's something that weighs heavily on my mind. It is a responsibilty that I don't take lightly and I realize how much depends on how well I deal with my involvement with this. I am called upon to be very wise and sensible and to think before I act and say anything lest I say the wrong thing or make the wrong move.

I wanted to paint this picture for you because I didn't want you to think that I just merrily skipped through life without a worry on my mind as I give the impression to. I have a tendency sometimes to be on the shallow side and not get into everything too deeply because of a sense of decorum. I can't give away too many secrets. Especially not when I blog about other people, but there is a lot more going on beneath the surface than I let on. 

I am able to help someone else because of my own experiences. I have had many hard lessons in life and learned a lot from them and no doubt still will. I can apply what I have learned and discovered to someone who hasn't quite gotten there yet but who is exploring desperately. I won't overstep my boundaries and think that I will take the place of a professional, that is not my intention. I will merely be a helper in that process and and another person making it more insightful. I do realize the importance of my role. 

I am sitting here getting mightily chilled because of the cold milk I am drinking. I have had my cups of coffee and I am more than lucid. 

I am in the process of learning to sleep at night without my sleep medication. I am doing pretty good so far. I do still get up for a few hours, but all in all I manage to get enough sleep. At least as much as I did when I was still taking it so it makes no difference. I don't sit here any longer in the middle of the night getting that high that I used to get and I am glad about that. It was an artificial high and I didn't really enjoy it. I much rather feel like myself.

It is really the dog who I need to train that I have to sleep through the night. He does insist on waking me up halfway through. Sometimes I manage to settle him down and sleep for another hour, but he usually manages to make enough of a pest of himself to get me up. I guess it is a habit that is going to die hard. I am going to have to apply some psychology to him. 

Have a good evening you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

Finally, in the end...

I will write a blog post if it's the last thing I do. I have tried it several times in the last few days but always got discouraged and deleted them. I felt I had nothing news worthy to say and that all my words amounted to nothing at all. I will now make an honest attempt to finish writing one and put some effort into it. I won't get discouraged after just two paragraphs. 

I'm sitting here late at night hoping that I will not have another sleepless one like I've had for the past few nights. The lack of sleep has plain worn me out and I have been unable to take naps during the day to make up for it. It's been a real bother and I have gotten wired as a result, but tonight I am at least a bit more mellow and relaxed  so that bodes well. I may just be able to go to sleep later. 

I have been keeping myself occupied during the sleepless hours with Facebook which I rejoined after a  year long sabbatical. I'm as hooked as I ever was, it is so addictive. There are some new features that make it more attractive to use and, of course, that makes matters worse. I feel that I should go to Facebook Anonymous and make a confession. "Hi, my name is Nora and I'm a Facebook addict."

It's plain ridiculous, of course, and I'm sure I'll get over it again. It's just a phase I'm going through. It has to do with temporarily having to miss my daughter. I'm taking that kind of hard and I can't wait for her to come back from Italy. I'm unsettled as a result of it. I'm completely off my 'a propos.'

That's why it's so important that I sit here and write this completely normal post. I need to do something very standard so that I will feel as normal as possible. I need to tell you that I will have a glass of ice cold milk in a little while to quench my thirst and to get me ready for bed. If I don't do that, I will stay lost in the confusion.

Of course, I have nothing left to write about now. There are things I can't tell you because they concern other people and I'm not at liberty to talk about them, although they do effect me. That's my dilemma. It's tough, but that's the way it is. A lot more would become clear to you.

I hope you're all well. 

Ciao,

Nora

Gently making it through the night...

I'm too excited to sleep, of course, because today is the day that my daughter and her father arrive. That is a big occasion and one I have been looking forward to. I've spent the last few days doing chores and wrapping the last presents for Christmas and generally preparing myself mentally for the big day. 

This morning I have to get myself in spiffy condition and make sure I look my best because first impressions count and I want to make a good first impression. I've picked out my outfit and have to redo my nails and make sure my hair looks good. Then I've got to face the day with a cheerful face that's well made up. Not too much make up so as to not look artificial. 

My daughter posted photos of herself and her father on the airplane on Facebook. Her father had upgraded their flight to first class so they're traveling in style and comfort. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only way to travel intercontinental. It's ever so much better than being crammed like a sardine into economy class on such a long flight. I always like it when exonomy class is overbooked and I get upgraded to business class. I think that's a real luxury. 

In the meantime, I'm sitting here drinking a glass of cold milk and I've just taken my morning dose of medicines. I'm really taking my time writing this because my thoughts keep drifting off to other subjects. I'm doing an awful lot of daydreaming. It's amazing how one thought will trigger a whole series of memories to come to the surface. Before I know it, I'm all caught up in them. That's a bad habit. I mustn't live in the past. 

I think I will go take a shower and slowly get the show on the road. There's lots of time to do all the things I want to do. I may even get some sleep later on. The sun's not up yet so the day hasn't officially started yet.

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Dream a little dream of me...

I'm sitting here in my bathrobe with cold hands and cold ankles. I only have myself to blame because I haven't turned up the heater. I want to be stoic and pretend I don't need to because I will go back to bed again shortly. Besides, it really isn't that cold in here and the rest of me is warm enough. It's only the exposed bits that are chilled. I did just started drinking cold milk so the inside of me will be chilled too soon.

I didn't have an internet connection when I first got up, but I had been warned by my provider that I might not have because they were going to be working on the network during the night. After waiting patiently for some time and reconnecting the modem a few times, I had my connection back and could do all the fun things I'm used to doing when I get up during the night. I do have to perform my rituals before I can go back to sleep. 

Yesterday I received a Christmas care package that I'm sure my personal helper arranged for me. It was rather a large box and in it were all sorts of good foods that are perfect for this holiday season. It will keep me from having to buy some things that I had on my shopping list. There was even a bottle of wine in it and a package of coffee. It was a complete surprise as I had not expected one this year. 

Yesterday was sort of an odd day. I felt out of sorts and couldn't concentrate on anything. I was aware of the fact that things needed to get done, but I felt unable to do them. I decided in the end that the day was going to be a waste and not to worry about it and that I would catch up later when I felt better. I didn't get back to normal until the evening when I finally landed back to earth and felt connected again. By that time I had to go to bed, but at least I went to sleep in a good state of mind. 

Of course now, during the night, I'm very capable of rational thought and I can think about the day ahead with much clarity and it all seems very simple. I hope I still feel that way when I get up again in a few hours. I always have much courage during the night, but it seems to leave me during the daytime hours.

I will go back to bed now and get under the warm duvet. Outside it is very cold and it feels like -11C. At least it isn't snowing. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

A hill of beans...

I'm up enjoying my cups of coffee and not worrying about what time I have to get up in the morning because absolutely nobody is going to be here during the day. No personal helper and no domestic help. This is partly due to circumstances and partly due to the holidays. I'm not complaining because I don't mind having a day off. I'm sure I'll get through it just fine. There's always something to do. 

I'll make it up as I go along. I'm sure I'll manage to keep myself out of the worst trouble. What's a middle aged woman to do anyway when she's home all by herself? There aren't an awful lot of things that can go wrong. At the most I may indulge in a lot of television watching. I'll certainly watch a lot of news and be very well informed. I'll have my finger on the pulse. Ha!

I know I'll have to do whatever I can not to be bored and I'll have to spend a lot of time meditating to fill in the empty moments so I won't go mad. There will be lots of contemplating my navel in quiet solitude. That's one way to get through the day. Luckily, I'm good at that and I don't easily tire of that exercise. I do enjoy the peaceful feeling it affords me. It's good if you can tolerate your own company and don't feel like fleeing into the arms of the first available person. 

I'm drinking ice cold milk and I'm starting to yawn. Soon it will be time to go back to bed. I hope I sleep for a long time in the morning without too many intricate dreams. The best is dreamless sleeping. That way you wake up untroubled. 

I feel perfectly at ease now and ready for whatever lies ahead. I don't dread the coming day. I will face it like I've faced many others like it. Keeping myself safe and sound is the main objective. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

In between...

I'm burping from the cups of coffee I've had so far and I may as well start burping from the cold milk that I'm about to have. If I'm going to burp, I may as well do it for the right reason. I'm very thirsty and want to drink a whole liter of it, but I don't have that much milk left. Thank goodness that the Exfactor is going to be here this morning to do the groceries. He will be welcomed with open arms and a shopping list. Well, first I'll give him a cup of coffee for courage and strength. 

The cat and the dog need to have their flea drops applied today. It's been a month since I applied them first. The Exfactor can help me with the cat, although she was very docile when we did it before. The flea drops helped very well the last time I used them and the animals have been free of fleas ever since. I do want to keep it that way. I got the flea drops from the vet and they were cheaper than what I would have paid at the pet shop. Maybe a tip for other pet owners.

I've got to think about what I'm going to wear today. I want to look good, but be warm enough at the same time. I do want to wear a double layer of clothes. I get cold so easily that it's necessary. It's not like when I was in the menopause and I was always overheated. I also have to redo my nails and I'm sorry to say that I split two of them despite the calcium tablets I take. I guess nothing works perfectly no matter how much you'd like it to. 

At least my hair is in good enough shape. It too has gotten drier like my skin and I don't have to wash it nearly as often. This does save me a little bit of work. I need to have the back of it trimmed and will have to make an appointment. It will take all of five minues to get it done. Hardly worth making an appointment for.

I'll go back to bed now. A sensible person gets her sleep. 

Ciao,

Nora

Revenge of the awful dog...

I've tried to get a good night's sleep for a couple of hours now, but every hour or so the dog woke me up with some excuse or another. I tried to ignore him, but I finally gave up and got up because I could not stay asleep any longer. I will try again later when he has settled down. 

I'm sitting here yawning, but this cup of coffee I'm having should help that.The dog is asleep by my feet. Hopefully now he will be sweet and docile. The cat is sitting on the kitchen counter eating her kibbles. To her it doesn't matter if it's day or night. She does what she pleases when it pleases her and bothers no one. She's easy. 

I must say that I'm glad the weekend is over, although it did go by quickly so it wasn't a long ordeal to get through. Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was just an ordinary weekend like so many others. The most pleasant thing I did was take naps in the afternoon which got me over the tough time of the day when I never know what to do with myself.

Now that I don't read anymore, my books stand forlorn on the bookcase and I no longer get lost for several hours at the time in literature. I often think I will never read another novel again because I absolutely have no interest in them. It's like I don't want to get lost in them and be cut of from reality. I feel that I constantly have to be in touch with the here and now. 

I do like to watch sports on television. I feel that's very actual and real. I hardly feel like I'm escaping. I also like to watch cultural programming, but again, I feel like I've got at least one foot in reality and I'm not lost in a dream because the programs are very objective. It would be different if they were lyrical journeys. I like very factual things, although that's very different from how I used to be. I used to watch television to escape and now I watch it to face reality. 

That must be why I like news programs so much and political talk shows. I do squirm when politicians are interviewed in depth. So few of them are willing to come right out and give a straight answer. They don't like to be pinned down. I dislike evasive answers and the politicians who give them. I do like good interviewers who don't back off. 

I suppose I'm wide awake now and I will have to drink milk to get sleepy again. At least the dog has settled down. I will have to go find my bed and get under the duvet and sleep a few hours before the personal helper gets here. 

I hope you will have all had a good night.

Ciao,

Nora