Chilled to the bone...

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes at the end of the afternoon. I thought initially that I was going to need a nap but once I had some caffeine in me, I quite perked up and now I feel like a million dollars. I haven't been in such a good mood for quite a while and it is very welcome. I won't analyze it because it's too precious for that. I will just accept it for what it is and enjoy it. 

The coffee tastes very good and I think with this cheap little coffeemaker I can't make a bad cup. It's really a primitive little thing and I really should get a much better one but it does turn out good coffee. I really think it's because of the measuring spoon that it came with. I'm finally getting the amount of ground coffee right. I was putting in way too much before and made coffee that knocked my socks off. 

The domestic help has been here and I can now look forward to the weekend which in my eyes has already started. I have the rest of this day off and I can do with it as I please. I will take advantage of that and totally indulge myself. I do feel I deserve it after a long suffering week of many moods and much stress. I sure as heck don't want to repeat that any time soon. Whose idea was that anyway.? 

The day went by quickly but it always does when you're in a good mood. The time flies by and I didn't get up all that late either. It rained in the morning but I paid it no mind and took the dog out between showers. The grass had been cut and all the buttercups and daisies in the fields were gone. I do dislike that because they looked so cheerful. I thought the buttercups especially looked very nice. 

The sun has come out and it is shining into the living room making it a little bit warmer in here. That does make a difference and I wish it would come out earlier in the day. When it gets chilly, I feel like putting on all my winter clothes and I´m sure it´s the wrong time of the year for that. You want to stay optimistic because it´s May, regardless of what the weather does. You dare the sun to come out and show itself. 

If I were downtown now, I would sit on a café terrace under an umbrella and have a hot chocolate. Then I would participate in our favorite sport and watch the people go by. That reminds me that I haven´t been to the movies in a while and I have no idea what´s showing. I must look on the film theater´s website and see what the latest movies are. 

It´s time to eat. I must feed my body too. I can´t live on coffee alone. 

I hope you´ll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Rain again...

Every evening it rains but luckily it does so after I have taken the dog for a walk. Well no, it was raining a bit when I took him this evening but we didn't get wet too badly. All it took was a bt of a rub with a towel to get us dry again. The dog does enjoy that. He comes running when he sees the towel and very willingly stands and gets rubbed dry all over. It's much easier now that his fur is cut so short. 

It's raining harder now and I think we got back inside just on time. It doesn't really rain during the day and I suppose the rain in the evening is good for nature and the farmers. I haven't heard anything about it on the news. There's usually some news about the water level in the rivers also but I haven't heard anything about that either. Maybe the snow in the Alps hasn't melted yet. 

I have had a quiet day in which I have done nothing but contemplate my navel a lot and it has been most peaceful. I was not bored for one minute but enjoyed sitting in my armchair and letting the time slowly go by without feeling that I had to fill it with activity. It was enough just to sit and exist and be aware of that. 

I also took a nap and got up late in the morning. I still enjoy sleeping. It's one of my favorite hobbies. I fall asleep within a minute after putting my head down on the pillow and don't remember a thing after that. I usually wake up quite refreshed unless I'm grumpy like I was yesterday. But that was the exception to the rule. 

The dog sleeps on the bed with me because there's linoleum in that bedroom and no carpeting. He doesn't sleep on the big pillow that's beside the bed. He never really did get used to it. The linoleum is too cold to sleep on, although he may appreciate in the summertime when it is hot. 

I can't imagine hot temperatures now but I am looking forward to them. This Saturday it's supposed to get up to 24C degrees and we won't know what hit us. That will be the warmest it has been since last year. 

I've got just a few cigarettes left and no tobacco. The empty package is in the trash bag. I will smoke these cigarettes and then put on a nicotine patch. I'm ready for the challenge. At least I know from experience what lies ahead of me. It's not the first time that I quit after all. 

Tomorrow morning I've got an appointment to get my hair cut. I'm looking forward to it very much. I'm purposely not going to wash my hair so it will have to be done there. That's part of the pleasure. I do want the full treatment. 

It's been more than six weeks since I've had it cut last and it's more than time. I do have to use an awful lot of hairspray to keep my hair in place now and it does make it sticky. It looks good when it's in place but a hurricane wouldn't blow it apart. 

I've got to eat before the news comes on. It's time to nourish the body. I just have to decide what sort of food I'm going to have. 

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

In the mood...

I'm always the most comfortable when I tell you that I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It sets the stage, sort to say. I've taken a nap and now it's almost evening. Outside the sky looks threatening and it wouldn't surprise me if we got another terrible shower that we seem to get every evening. 

Inside it is a little chilly because I don't have the heater turned on yet. I don't know why I'm being so stubborn. I guess I'd rather sit here and freeze my buns off but the cup of hot coffee is warming me somewhat.

My mood is neither here nor there. It's unimportant and I'm not going to waste any words on it. The less said about it the better. 

This weekend the government collapsed and we will have new elections. A lot of people have been waiting for this to happen, including me. I was not too fond of the government and I hoped it would collapse. Still, I was pleasantly surprised when it did. 

It collapsed over the budgetary cut backs and how severe they were going to be and believe me, they were. Now it is hoped that all the other political parties come up with their better alternative budgets so we can make sensible decisions. 

Because of the summer holidays, the elections won't take place until September at the earliest. Everyone will get the time to prepare themselves properly. I already know which party I'm going to vote for, so I'm more than ready to.

There was also a train accident at the Central Station in Amsterdam. For some reason there were two trains on the same track that hit eack other head on. There were many wounded and a lot of them severe. For now it is unknown how these two trains ended up on the same track but there's going to be an investigation. 

So, despite the fact that I spent a lot of the weekend sleeping,  I did manage to stay well informed. I watched the news as events unfolded and took naps in between. I did miss most of the sports that were on but I'm going to watch the highlights tonight. A couple of football games were played today and I want to know their outcomes. 

Except for the news events, the weekend was quiet and went by quickly. I suppose I'm ready for the week to start. I'm not thrilled about it and frankly don't care much one way or the other. I suppose my mood could be better. I'm sure I'm affected by events more than I realize. 

Have a great evening.

Ciao,

Irene

In the morning, bright and sunny...

I am sitting here with my first cup of coffee and a cigarette and I'm more than ready to start the day. I am up bright and sunny, but I don't think the day is actually going to be. It is now cloudy and gray outside and it is supposed to stay that way. I'm not going to let that press my good mood and I'm totally going to ignore it. I will have a fine day no matter what the weather is going to be like. That's the kind of mood I'm in.

I was up earlier during the night but I never did get around to writing a post. I was too busy on Pinterest because I had redivided some boards and of course I had to add new pins to them. That kept me out of trouble for a while. I had a wonderful time pretending I could make all my wishes come true. It's like being a little girl and making your wish list for Santa Claus and sometimes these things come true. 

I've cut down even more on my tranquilizers and am now down to only one dose of 10 mg at night. These were strong ones and they worked great when I was highstrung but they made me very sleepy when I was not. That resulted in me always wanting to take naps during the day and I hope I won't feel that need now. I started taking them when I got so grumpy when I quit smoking the first time. 

It's always best to get off these kinds of medications as quickly as possible but it can take a while before you are able to. You have to choose the right moment and you have to have the wilpower to do it. You actually have to be stubborn enough and damn well make up your mind you're going to. Nobody else can make you do it. Don't rely on anyone else. 

I jusr stepped outside when the dog had to go out back and it is nice and chilly out there. There's a cold wind blowing and it felt good. All the trees and shrubs are green and it looks wonderful. It does give you hope for better weather, but this is okay with me too. I'll just have to dress a little warmer when I take the dog for a walk in a while. I'm looking forward to it. It will be nice to feel the cold air on my face. 

I don't have much else to report. I've finished my coffee and want to get dressed. I'm eager to get the day started. The Exfactor should be here this morning to finish putting the dresser together. It will be nice to see it all done. Then I can finish decorating the guest room. 

First I'm off to take the dog out for a walk in the cold morning air.

Ciao,

Irene

All finished with that now...

I'm all done seeing the world through rose colored glasses like I did so naively yesterday. I've come down from cloud number nine and landed back on earth again. Here I am sat solidly in my desk chair with a cup of coffee and a cigarette because, yes, I've started smoking again. That isn't such a strange thing with the whole gamma of emotions I was running through these past 24 hours. I've been high and low and now I think I'm somewhere in between, but defintely not up there with the angels anymore.

The tentative plan is that my older sister M. is going to come and stay with me in a few weeks time. For this purpose, the spare bedroom is being cleaned out and all the junk wiill be disposed of. As a last grand gesture to my hypo-mania, I ordered a new bed and a chest of drawers on line to furnish that bedroom with. This is instead of trying to find something in the recycle store which I was beginning to have more and more doubts about. I do these things quite spontaneously and maybe to my detriment. Common sense comes later.

I hope I'm done being hypo-manic for this season. I've certainly been like a ping pong ball enough. I've bounced all over the place. It is normal for this time of year, but it always takes me by surprise. It's not all that awful to feel on top of the world, but it's not a constant feeling and it can get out of hand. More than anything, it's exhausting. I'm more than ready to be my version of what I consider normal. That's what I'm familiar and comfortable with. It's a hugely more predictable me. 

Today is a cold day and I've got my bathrobe on over my clothes and the heater on. It's gray and overcast outside and we even had a shower. I really don't mind this weather as long as I'm warm enough, but it is in sharp contrast to how it was yesterday. Luckily, I don't have to go anywhere this weekend so I can hibernate and the dog will have to do his last piddles out back. I'm not planning on going outside again. I do love him, but I don't love him that much.

One thing is for sure. I'm incredibly dull when I'm my low key usual self. It's difficult to get me excited. That's nice for me, but it may be different for you if you want to read a super interesting post. 

Ciao,

Irene

The reward system...

I had a busy day and want to reward myself for it. Of course, my mind thinks of a cigarette as if that is the only way I can reward myself for a day well spent. Why in the world would I even need a reward for it? Would it be to congratulate myself because it all went well? That's possibly the reason, but I've got to think of a better way to make myself feel good. 

I had to go to Specsavers at 10 am to pick up my varifocal glasses, so I rode my bike into town very leisurely and did that. They had to be adjusted to fit my head properly and I had to take one of the eye tests over again because I had not received the letter from the eye doctor and they were afraid that I had got lost in the system.

These varifaocals are well made and I have no problems with them like I did with the other ones. I had to tilt my head with the other ones because the lenses hadn't been put in the frame right. Since I hardly ever wore them, this was not much of a problem, but it's nice to have a pair of properly fit ones. I do wear these constantly now and have been complimented on them already. 

I ate a sausage roll at the Hema department store and made it just on time for my appointment with my therapist at 11 am. There we discussed my regular forrays into hypomania and how to best get through them and my acceptance of my illness which is not complete. I do feel embarrassment about it and try to make everything look better to the outside world than it is. 

Next, I had an appointment with my psychistrist about my medication, but I told him to leave everything just the way it is now, please. If we were to start juggling with my pills, I could really get into trouble because I'm already rapid cycling and that would make it worse. Luckily, he agreed with me and we made another appointment for two weeks from now to keep a finger on the pulse. 

After that, I had to go to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled and to try and return an unused box of nicotine patches, but I was unsuccessful with that. They don't buy back any medication that you've had at home and can't sell it either. It's a law apparently. So, I'm stuck with them, much to my disgust. 

When I got home, I realized that the dog had the beginning of an eye infection, so I took him to the vet and he did some tests and gave me some ointment for his eye. I have to put some in twice a day and the dog is really good about it.

Then I took a nap. 

In a little while I have to call my older sister whose blood tests results came back abnormal and who very suddenly had to have an echo made of her liver and the rest of her stomach. I do worry about her. She's been having physical complaints for some time. Because she has so much stress in her life, she thought that this was the cause of them. I wish I was there with her and could go to the doctor with her. 

I've got to get a lot of sleep. I have to catch up on what I didn't get when I was hypomanic.I feel like sleeping a lot and would like nothing better than get into bed and sleep some more. I have to put it off for a while, though. I still have to eat dinner too. 

I've discovered a new way to get the dog to stop bothering the cat. It works full proof. One day when I'm not so tired, I'll tell you about it. 

Ciao,

Irene

Irene's Dutch Diva Blog

Gosh darned dog...

Yeah, he woke me up again out of a sound sleep. Who said a dog is a woman's best friend? I see no evidence of it tonight. Sure, he´s sound asleep now on the sofa, but he should have been half an hour ago when I was still sound asleep in my bed. I´m not amused. 

I´m having a cup of coffee so I can think clearly and make sense. I´m not having a cigarette, though at this moment I do wish for one. That´s how frustrated I am. I will get over it, though, without smoking because that will be the last thing I´ll do. The other night I dreamed I smoked a cigarette and when I woke up, I felt as bad as if I had had one. That will cure you of your desire for one. 

Tonight I laid down in bed and did breathing exercises. I breathed in and out as deeply as I could without getting dizzy. I did a fairly good job at that and much better than I have in the past, showing marked improvement. I do think my lung capacity is improving.

I´m greatly relieved that the weekend is over and don´t ever let me make the claim that I like the weekends. I will be highly misguided if I do. They are a horror to get through. Somehow I manage it because I must, but don´t ask me how. I took many naps and they saved my life. I would not be sane if I had not taken them.

I think I´m grumpy because I´ve quit smoking. There is no other explanation. I´m almost constantly in a bad mood. I don´t find much joy in anything.

I have to go back to bed and hope that the dog lets me sleep now. I hope he doesn´t get it in his head to wake me up again. I do so need my sleep. 

Thank god that tomorrow is Monday. It will be a normal day again and there will be people here. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Filling my time...

Optimistically speaking, it is early in the morning and I am apparently insistent on starting the day at this ungodly hour. There is, of course, nothing wrong with it because there are no rules about when a person is supposed to undertake such a thing. You get up out of bed and make yourself some coffee and find out that you are in a functioning mode and in a good mood. It's as simple as that. There lies no complication in it whatsoever. 

You do have to decide what you are going to do with all those empty hours that lie ahead of you. You have to creatively and usefully fill those up. I do not lack an imagination, but sometimes I do fall short of the task and don't know enough things to do. That's why it is so nice to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes because I can wile away many long moments doing those activities, passive as they are. They seem to fit my personality which is introvert and pragmatic. 

I'll be taking a shower early this morning and getting dressed before it's dawn. I do have a nice, new, long sleeved T-shirt with a pretty print on it that I'm looking forward to wearing. I will have to wear a cardigan over it because it's a bit chilly outside. It's warm enough inside because I have the heater on despite my concerns about the energy bill. I wanted to be comfortable and only knew of one way besides wearing my warm bathrobe. It's awful anyway to take a shower in a cold bathroom. Brrr...

The dog will be happy because he'll get to go for a walk early too. There's still a clear sky outside, but it's supposed to rain later today and not get much warmer. I hope it waits with raining for a while because I have to go to the tobacco shop first thing when it opens. I will probably be their first customer and an eager one too. I'm almost out of tobacco and may have to wear a nicotine patch for a while. It would be a good time to quit actually. Only I don't think that I have the courage for it right now. I have to be in the right frame of mind. That counts for a lot too. 

In another two days my daughter and her father will be back from Italy. I am very happy about that and do have enough patience for that. Two days are manageable. I know that they are having a good time and that helps a lot too. I do want their vacation to be something that they can look back on with pleasure. The fact that I miss my daughter pales in comparison. I can't be selfish and think of only me. I do want the last days that I spend with her to be of quality. I will make sure of that. 

The coffee tastes awfully good. It is from Starbuck's and my daughter brought me an enormous package of it. I wasn't sure at first if I was going to like it, but I did after the initial pot of it. I had to adjust the dose of ground coffee that I put in the filter, but got it right the second time around. Now I'm an old pro at making it. 

I hope you'll al have a really good day. I'm planning on one myself. So is the dog, I think. 

Ciao,

Nora

How to spend the night...

The one thing you do is to not spend all of it sleeping. That's a complete waste of time. You may think that sleeping is a useful activity, but I tend to disagree with that if it's in the middle of the night. I can't think of a better way to spend that time than to spend it being awake and up and about. That. of course, is just my own personal vision and you may disagree. 

Maybe you get a good night's sleep and you have no complicated dreams and you feel very refreshed in the morning when you wake up. That's not my own experience and I'm always glad that I wake up after I've been asleep for a few hours so that I can get up and spend some time behind the computer with a few cups of coffee and my cigarettes. It's when I'm most alert and in charge of all of my faculties. 

But I tell you no new stories when I tell you that. It's a well known fact by now that this is what I do. I also can't force myself to write the kind of drivel that I write here during the night in the daytime. I'm not in the proper frame of mind then.  During the day, I would be too embarrassed to write some of the things down that I write here during the night. I think I bare my soul better at night or after I just wake up from a nap.. 

That maybe sounds contradictory, but for me is not to reason why. I'll accept both my statements as given facts. I'd hate to have to explain everything I state here. If I'm unclear than that's just so. It can't be helped. 

Last night I was in a terribly grumpy mood that only disappeared slowly. I didn't analyze it too much, but in the back of my mind I had some clues as to the origins of it. I ended up eating some dinner and watching some TV before I went to bed and found my solace under the warm duvet. 

I think you subconsciously run into frustrations all the time in your contacts with the people you care about and sometimes it's better to take a little breather from everybody and spend some time on your own.

Quality time with yourself and other people is still what it all revolves around. It's not about quantity. A little bit goes a long way. You've got to appreciate the little bits and not repeat them too often. Repetition leads to irritation and takes away from the specialness of the occasion. You fall into a rut.

I'm afraid I'm preaching. I do have a tendency to do that sometimes. It's when I'm trying to convince myself most. 

It's time to go back to bed. I've been philosophical enough, although I've really put the brakes on my thoughts. I've censored myself quite a bit. 

Sleep tight everyone. 

Ciao,

Nora

Meanderings...

I'm ever so cozily sat here in the semi darkness with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes in my warm red bathrobe. It isn't really chilly in here, but I pretend it is the middle of the winter and that I have to guard myself against the arctic cold. I haven't even got the heater on, but I'm wearing my socks. It's like I'm having a big old adventure all by myself in the middle of the night. A person does have to use her fantasy on occasion and make life more interesting than it is. 

Luckily, there isn't a huge snowstorm raging outside because in reality that would not make me happy at all. I'm sure I'm not ready for it. It's okay to imagine it, but to actually have to deal with it is another matter. It's very mild outside and has been for the time of year. Actually, we're having a bit of a drought and the water level in the rivers is low. We haven't had enough rain over the last weeks and for the next little while, there is no rain in the forecast.

It's been a pleasure to take the dog out for walks as I haven't had to dress really warm. There's been sunshine every day, although it's not all that strong. There's no wind to speak of, so that makes it very pleasant. The dog is oblivious of the weather and his fur is growing back in. Before it gets really cold, he should be warm enough again. He hasn't been doing any shivering lately.

He does gallivant around and keeps me in shape. We walk at a steady pace along familiar grounds and make our regular stops. I find this is better than taking a new route. A new route means nothing but non stop sniffing and raising his leg and we never get anywhere. It takes us forever to get home again. I have to be endlessly patient and wait while he minutely investigates every unexplored spot. You can imagine there are many when you are on new terrain. 

I'm a bit bronchial and have been coughing. This has caused me to have inflammation of the cartilage where my ribs meet my sternum. It's on the left side and hurts when I breathe and cough and use my left arm. I didn't have to go to the doctor to get this diagnosis as I have had this before. I'm taking Ibuprofen for it and hope to get some relief that way. There's not much else that can be done for it. Yes, cortisone shots, but I'm not much in the mood for them.

The glass is always half full and my right side doesn't hurt, so that is good. I can take cough medicine and may even have some in the kitchen cabinet. I'll have to have a look. There's an herbal one that works well and I may have some of that. I can also get some A. Vogel Echinaforce as that's supposed to be good for your resistance and there's probably some good cough medicine from that brand too. I will ask the Exfactor to get me some. A. Vogel has a good reputation. The medicines are made from plant and herbal extracts and are available in a good drugstore. 

The night does move on and it's time to go to bed again. It's the lure of my new duvet that makes it such a pleasure to want to go. Besides, I'm slightly sick and do need my sleep. It's only smart if I go back to bed now. It's tough to be sensible, but somebody has to be. 

Ciao,

Nora

Cups of coffee and animals...

It's with some amount of relief that I sit here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette after having woken up from my afternoon nap. There was the possibility that I was going to be grouchy but luckily, I'm not. I was in a good enough mood right away and the coffee only helped me become more so. Sometimes things do turn out just right.

I usually have no idea what determines if I'm going to be in a good enough mood when I wake up from my naps. It all seems to be up to chance and if I got out on the right side of the bed. It seems to be more a matter of fate than anything else. I have no idea how much I can do about it myself and if I'm at all able to change that. 

I do know that I usually have to make a cup of coffee and that it's going to alter whatever mood I've got in a positive sense. Caffeine always works to my advantage. When in doubt about anything, have a cup of coffee. It will set straight whatever is wrong. And smoke a cigarette, unless you've kicked that habit already. 

I doubt I'll ever get off the caffeine or even want to. It serves its function so well for me. I'd be mad to stop drinking it, although I drink less of it now than I used to. When I still had my Senseo machine I drank many cups more. It was an addictive habit. I loved that creamy coffee and a cup was quickly made.

I can't go out in the cold night air at the moment because I'm waiting for a package to arrive. I don't know when that will be but I'll have to walk the dog later. He's still happily snoozing in the armchair, so he's okay for now. 

Both the animals have been treated for fleas and they've both stopped scratching. That flea repellent I got from the vet is powerful stuff.

The cat hardly protested. The Exfactor only had to hold her gently while I applied the flea drops. She really didn't react to it and went back to sleep afterwards as if nothing had happened. It should always be this easy. For some reason I thought it was going to be much harder than this. I have to treat them again next month. 

The dog located his tennis ball this afternoon. It was stuck underneath a storage unit in the spare bedroom. He was so happy to have it again. He hasn't lost track of it yet. It had been lost for quite a while and I had not thought of looking for it there. I thought it was just about time to get some new ones but the problem has been solved. 

Now, of course, I'll have to play many games of fetch. I'm in the perfect chair for it because I'm in a direct line to the bedroom. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

A well spent Friday...

This morning, after I had been up half the night and unable to go back to sleep, it cost me some effort to keep myself occupied until it was time to go downtown to pick up my glasses. I watched repeats of the news and information on traffic jams around the country as if it concerned me. I watched the early morning show and pretended I was a commuter off to a busy day at her work. I drank coffee and smoked cigarettes until I was sick of them. 

When it finally was time to leave, I was more than ready to go. I hopped on my bike as if it was an act of liberation and rode it downtown as quickly as I could. It was already busy there, but I did manage to find a space to park my bike, and walked the rest of the way through the cobblestoned streets to the optician. 

I had almost forgotten what my glasses looked like and it was a surprise to see them. It was also an experience to put them on. The world around me suddenly became a lot clearer and more in focus. The most important thing was that I was able to read without any effort. That was a real eyeopener. 

I wore them out of the store and when I looked into the distance, it suddenly had gotten a lot more depth. To celebrate that fact, I walked all the way to my favorite store to see if there was anything on sale to match the colors of my glasses. Luckily there was and I bought two tops for a give away price. I didn't try them on until I got home, but figured they would fit and I was right.

Decked out the way I was, I went to the hairdresser where I got complimented on my glasses. While I waited for it to be my turn, I read a magazine that was lying about in the waiting area. I never was able to do that before. Before I could only read the headlines to the stories and what was printed in bold script, limiting my reading very much. 

I had my hair cut a lot shorter than I did the last time and it looks good.  It's not the kind of haircut I have to mess with much. I can pretty much just run my fingers through my hair and be done with it. It was washed with silver shampoo and the color lightened up quite a bit. I will have it cut again in a month or sooner if it needs it. I won't let it get long. This time it had only been four weeks since I last had it cut. 

So, there I was with my whole new look. The people who saw it first were the Exfactor and the domestic help and they both approved. The most important thing though is that I like it and I do. I'm comfortable with it. And I'm very glad that I can see so well, both up close and in the distance.

Another important thing is, that I took a much needed nap later this afternoon. I was more than ready for it. I felt like a limp dishrag earlier. I have to go to bed early tonight and catch up on the rest of my sleep. I'm not done sleeping yet.

I hope you all have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Keeping down the noise level...

It's in the middle of the night and I'm sitting here with my inevitable cup of coffee and cigarette keeping as silent as I can so as not to disturb the neighbors. It's not that I feel like being that noisy, but I'm acutely aware of the peace and quiet that reign around me. 

I assume that everybody else in the apartment building is asleep, like any sensible person should be, but there's more than enough time to sleep this weekend and I'm sure I'll not suffer from a shortage of it. I always do manage to get caught up on my sleep when I have my days off. 

I take advantage of every opportunity to sleep and plan my weekends around it and walks with the dog. The longer the walk, the better the nap. I also, of course, have my TV watching routine and there are programs that I absolutely have to watch, but I'll not skip a nap if I think it's really necessary. 

I'm going to change the sheets on the bed today and do the laundry immediately. I will be able to dry it on the clothesline outside because the weather is going to be beautiful and it will be dry in no time at all. I get the bonus of sleeping between clean smelling sheets.

This coming week we are going to have a bit of an Indian Summer with lots of sunshine and pleasant temperatures. I don't know if that will slow down the dropping of the leaves from the trees. It will be cheerful weather anyway. I won't know what clothes to wear. I was already prepared to wear my cold weather clothes and my winter coat. 

My short haircut is great. I slept on it and it mostly stayed in place. It's going to be easy to take care of. In order not to forget to go to the hairdresser on time, I've written down in my agenda when to make an appointment next. I must take better care of my hair and not wait so long to have it cut. 

It's time to go back to bed. I want to set the alarm clock and get up at a decent time in the morning. I do want to start the day out properly and not linger in bed forever. I do get the weirdest dreams if I sleep too long. 

Have a good Saturday all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

Throwing a spanner in the works...

I was going to spoil this post by telling you how depressed I am, but I've decided not to do that and for the duration of this night only to look at the bright side of life. I'm sure I can find some amazingly cheerful things to write about if I try hard enough. 

I'm not so depressed right now that I only see things in the colors gray and black. I'm sure there are some brighter colors lurking in the shadows and I will set my sight on them. There's some yellow and bright red and light green. Little dots of it and I will see what I can do with them. 

I can tell you that I'm drinking an excellent cup of coffee and no doubt that has influence on the state of my mind, good coffee making for a better mood. I've also got a pack of newly made cigarettes, so I'm all set. 

For a while anyway I'm comfortable, except that I have a dog breathing down my neck who wants impossible things from me. I'll just have to ignore him and get on with it.

I do have an awful pain in my bad shoulder and I woke up with that. I've tried to move it around to try and get whatever kink is in it out, but it hasn't helped yet. I may be coming down with a case of bursitis again. I will have to rub that sport's creme on it and hope it works. 

It's impossible not to be influenced by the quiet and peacefulness of the night. I can almost imagine that I don't live in town but in the solitude of the countryside. The suburbs are awfully silent at night. The only noises I hear are those in my own apartment and those are very minute. The clicking of the dog's tags being one of them and the loudest.

I'm reminded of the time I lived in a village of 600 souls in the middle of the mountains on a dead end road. It was a wonderful place to be. There was much quiet and solitude and company if you so desired. I have fond memories of the place. My kids were little there and had a fun childhood. 

I better not go down memory lane because I'm a product of my turbulent life. I have many sad memories as well and they come floating to the top along with the good ones. It's better to stay in the here and now and to not remember too much. That's a closed book and it has nothing to do with my life now. I'm a totally different person living a totally different life and nothing at all like I had imagined. 

Today my effort is going to be to get the mail out of the mailbox and to deal with it and to deal with the mail that's already lying on my desk. If I get that done I'll be satisfied. No doubt I'll also talk with my psychiatrist after the email I sent him about becoming depressed. I've also got to change my bed so I can look forward to clean sheets tonight after I've watched the thriller that's going to be on TV.

I think I'll take some pain medication for my shoulder as it's slowly becoming more sore. Going back to bed and resting it will be good for it. I just won't sleep on my side. It will be a bit tricky to walk the dog today. I'll have to use my other hand to hold the leash. The dog does pull.

I hope you'll all have a good day. It's going to be drizzly here, but not too cold. 

Ciao,

Nora

Something resembling the every day Nora...

If there is anything I wish, it is to be dull again and to start off a post telling you that I'm sitting here drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. Of course, that is exactly what I am doing, so I would be telling you the truth. I'm not quite wide awake and I definitely need the coffee, but not to get me excited, because I'm excited enough on my own. What I really need to do is calm down and relax and what I'm doing now is wait for my medicines to work, which I took just a little while ago.

It seems it was a full moon last night and it would explain a lot, especially my lunatic tendencies. I never know when it's a full moon and always find out afterwards, but it always seems to affect me. I certainly behave a heck of a lot differently than I normally do, but I haven't been myself for the past few days. I best forget about that as quickly as possible and get back to normal as fast as I can. It's better not to dwell on the abnormal times that are so hugely embarrassing afterwards.

I'm going to try to have as normal a day as I possibly can and have my thoughts organized in the same way. It will require a little bit of discipline on my part, but anything is better than how it has been these past two days. There will be no more flights of fancy and escapism. There will only be the reality of my everyday life and all the elements in it. I will take care of those things. I will do a lot of grounding and bonding with the dog and the cat. Those two ought to help me get my grip on reality back.

I suppose I ought to get more sleep. I think I awoke prematurely this morning. Since it's Sunday, it doesn't matter when I get the day started. It will start whenever I think is the right time. That's the nice thing about Sundays. You feel that no one in the world would even think of bothering you. It's a sacred day that's strictly for yourself and you don't have to share it with anyone.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

During the night...

I'm drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, although it's awfully early to be up already. No doubt this means that I will go back to bed later, but it is Christmas day and everything is allowed. I didn't hang my stocking, because Santa Claus was not expected here, so I don't have to inspect it for any goodies, although some mandarin oranges would have been nice. I did have some cookies as a treat last night before I went to bed and I shared them with Tyke. They were in the care package I received. We enjoyed them very much and there are enough left to last the weekend.

It finally stopped snowing sometime at the end of the afternoon yesterday after it had snowed for more than 24 hours. Limburg got about 50 cm of snow. There was a strong wind also that blew the snow sideways. Nevertheless, the Exfactor managed to get here by train and bring me the extra mobile phone, bless his heart. He is a noble knight indeed. I told him that this was over and beyond the call of duty, but he considered it a matter of honor.

There was some question if my sim-card was undamaged, but when we put it in the other mobile phone we found out that it was and that it worked fine. It recognized my code and it did have all my phone numbers in its memory. All we had to do was recharge the phone. Since then I've played with it and changed all the sounds it can make and I've picked out a jazzy tune for when it rings. Now I just want someone to call me. Hopefully, that will happen soon, although my sister called when it was still playing Pachelbel's Canon. 

I really have to stop and remind myself that it's Christmas, although it's a white one, because it feels just like an ordinary weekend. My sister and I are supposed to go on a guided town walk, but we won't go if the weather is bad. It's going to be partly sunny today, but there may be a cold wind blowing, so we will have to see. It would be nice to stay home and read a good book also. There's quite a bit of snow out there, so it may be tough going. 

Anyway, have a Merry Christmas you all. I hope you enjoy yourselves a lot and eat well and get lots of good presents. 

Ciao,

Nora

The sound of snow...

It rained during the night and in the morning, turning all the snow and ice into slush and puddles. Then it snowed for a couple of hours this afternoon, but it just added to the mess on the ground and turned it into more slush. There isn't a soul outside and I don't think anyone in their right mind would go out there, because it's miserable. It's just started snowing again and it doesn't look very appealing. The weather forecast changes all the time. I don't think anyone knows what the weather will bring.

I was up early this morning and had my coffee and cigarettes and wrote a post for one of my other blogs, but when I was done with that, I went back to bed and slept until past noontime. That's what I really needed. It was very pleasant and when I woke up I felt like I was really done sleeping. Sometimes I'm too optimistic when I get up early in the morning and I should really stay in bed and sleep some more. Especially on a day like today. 

Tyke got into the old books that were on the bookcase in my bedroom and tore them apart. There is a total mess in my bedroom and I haven't had the courage to clean it up yet. I'll have to get a trash bag and throw everything away. I didn't notice a thing while I was asleep. It looks like he had a frenzy. Imagine me not waking up from that. 

He didn't look the least bit guilty when I got up. He was wagging his tail. I just moaned and wondered when he was going to outgrow this behavior. He had several of his toys to play with in the bedroom, so I thought he wouldn't be bored, but I was wrong. He does get his revenge on me when I sleep. At least he doesn't get into any good stuff in the rest of the apartment. Knock on wood.

The snow is starting to stay on the ground, so that means it's cold enough. I do feel it cooling off in here. The heater should start up any moment now.

Well, I'm off to clean up the mess and to put the trash out. A most frustrating job. 

Ciao,

Nora

There she comes...

I managed to sleep until 8 o'clock this morning. It was with amazement that I looked at the alarm clock. I don't know how I did it, but somehow I pulled it off. I am very pleased. That means I slept almost nine hours and I will not have to take a nap today. Hallelujah. I will make it through the day just like a regular person, and that is good, because today both my personal helper and my domestic help are going to be here. I will be alert and approachable and in a good mood. Not that I'm always in a bad mood, but I'm more absentminded when I'm sleepy and tired and forget to be very sociable. 

I'm having my second cup of coffee and my third cigarette. I've just taken my medicines and am waiting for them to start working. It's the regular morning routine like so many other mornings, except that I'm doing it later than usual now. Tyke is sitting on his perch on the dining table looking out the window and seems to be completely fascinated by whatever he sees out there. At least he is happy for now. That gives me time to sit here and write and wake up properly. I may be writing this, but I'm on automatic pilot still. I will function well after I've had the second cup. 

Well, the secretary of the Green Cross just called to say that my personal helper is sick, so she won't be coming this morning, which gives me a sea of time. Now I don't have to sit here and rush through this. I was a little concerned about the timing and getting this done before she got here. I'm still sitting here in my bathrobe and I was to take a shower when she got here and get into my clean clothes, so I suppose I will do that on my own now.

It didn't snow last night like was predicted. I suppose it didn't get quite cold enough. It did rain, but this morning the sun is shining and it's going to be 33F, which means it's going to be a nice day, because there will hardly be any wind. It will be nice to go out for a walk with Tyke. 

Because it's Friday again, I'm extra motivated to make it as pleasant a day as possible. It's the pre-weekend day, which is as good as it being the weekend. Sometimes it's hard to remember to enjoy the times that don't consist of responsibilities, although there are many moments of it during the week. I usually have just enough stress with me to not be able to relax completely until the weekend, while really I have no reason not to feel that way during the week. I really need a change of attitude, but I never realize it until it is almost weekend and I see that I have been stressing again during the week.

I look like the wild woman of Borneo. My hair is sticking up all over the place and it is strictly from sleeping on it. There's no hairspray or wax in it. If I didn't know better I'd say static electricity was the cause of it and maybe it is dry enough in the apartment to have caused it. I have had the heater on. It will probably be better once I've washed my hair. 

The mailmen are on strike because 3,100 of them are going to be laid off and be replaced by part time mail deliverers. That's what they will be called. There was no mail yesterday and there will be no mail today, so no reason to go look in the mailbox. Privatization of mail services is a large cause of it and the fact that people send less mail, doing things by email now. I don't think the tide can be turned. We are starting to live in a capitalistic society. Woe is us. 

I have to go and walk the dog. It's time to get the day started. Be at your very best, always. 

Ciao,

Nora

Have another cup, please.

It's early in the morning and I'm very contentedly sitting here drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarettes. In other words, I'm going through my regular morning ritual. I've read blogs and commented on them and had a good time doing that. It's always very interesting to see what pictures and stories people come up with. It's a comfortable routine and a good way to start the day. 

I'm sitting here with my bathrobe on and my comfortable slippers that Aims made for me. They are very soft and warm and the best things to wear when you have cold and sore feet. Tyke is fascinated by them and can't figure out what happened to my feet when I wear them. He follows me around and tries to bite them as if my feet are trapped in there. When I don't wear them, I put them away very carefully in a high spot. I don't want any surprises. 

The rain has stopped for now and they say that the river is not going to flood, despite the amount of water that went into it here and in Belgium. There's supposed to be more rain today, but tomorrow the weather is getting better and we'll even get some sunshine. There was a lot of rain yesterday and it was almost impossible to take Tyke for a walk. My hair has dried up funny and I'll have to wash it, because it sticks up in unexpected places and is completely flat in others. 

The day went by quickly yesterday, despite the fact that I didn't do anything special, except for hang up a load of laundry to dry and wash one load. Of course, I slept very late and I went to bed early. As a matter of fact, I couldn't wait for it to be late enough to go to bed and I watched TV until it was. 

I do think lying in bed, listening to the radio until I fall asleep, is one of my favorite things to do. I don't care much about what I watch on TV. There's not that much on at night that I really care about. It doesn't matter if I miss a program, I'm not addicted to one. Listening to the radio while lying in bed is very cozy and I don't even mind if it's a report of a football game. I do learn to recognize the names of the players and their teams. 

I don't have anything on the program today, except that I'm supposed to go to my sister this afternoon at three o'clock. If the weather is bad, she's going to come and get me. I assume it will rain. I'm not willing to take the chance to get soaked on my bike. I do hate getting really wet. A little bit is okay, but soaked to the skin is another matter. Despite the fact that I live in a wet country, I don't have any rain clothes. That is something I need to rectify one of these days. I think I've said that before already. 

I do miss having a clothes dryer now. I very much would like to have one and not have to wait for things to get dry on the clothing rack. Some day, when I have the money, I would like to buy a combination washer/dryer. It must be possible to buy those second hand. There is man in town who deals in these things, maybe he has something like this at times. I'll have to get in contact with him and ask him if he ever does. 

I'm going back to bed in a little while to get the rest of my sleep. It's too early to stay up and, besides, it is Sunday and there's nothing better to do. It won't be light for a while yet and even then it will be gloomy and there will be no action outside whatsoever. It will be a good day to stay in bed and sleep late. If I were a farmer, I'd go milk the cows now and feed the chickens. Alas, I have no such luck. 

I'm starting to yawn, so it is time to go. I don't want my jaw to get stuck. It did again the other day, but I got it unstuck very quickly. It's a bit of a shock every time it happens. 

Have a nice Sunday. I hope your weather treats you right. 

Ciao,

Nora

Waiting for the rain to stop...

I'm waiting for the rain to stop, so I will be able to go to the gas station to buy cigarettes, but it looks like there's no end to it. I may have to bundle up and ride my bike through the rain and get wet. There are worse things, of course, but it's no pleasure I'm looking forward to. It's not something you do voluntarily. I'll have to do it to take care of my nicotine addiction, but that's not really voluntarily. That's more like I'm driven to. 

I also still have to take Tyke out for a walk and knowing him, he would not really mind going out in the rain, providing I would rub him dry well with a towel afterwards. If I'm going to get wet anyway, I may as well take him for a walk too. I may as well pretend I enjoy it and do this for my daily living. Mailmen have to go out in it, after all. I have yet to hear our mailman complain about the weather. Except when there's a heatwave. 

The really good part is that it's Friday evening and that means that it's officially weekend now, though why that should be such a big deal to me still puzzles me. For some reason I still think the weekend is special, because I can do what I want and with that I mean, sleep whenever I want to. As if I don't do enough of that during the week. I sure make a big deal out of sleeping, don't I? It seems to be such an important thing to me. I'm either short of it or doing too much of it. I never find the right balance. Or very rarely. 

I think I will buy enough cigarettes to last me all weekend so I will not have to worry about having to go to the store, because I just know that it's going to be emotionally stressful for me to go. Whatever I do now, will prevent me from having to do it later at a worse time. I anticipate anxiety and I want to be one step ahead of it. I have to make it as uncomplicated as I can. Getting wet in the rain is the least of my worries. At least I don't wear make up that can run.

I do wish I had a car. Those of you with cars, who take that for granted, don't know how lucky you are and how it simplifies your life. Things are so much easier when you have a car. I drove a car for 22 years, so I remember. 

I'm going to take Tyke for a walk before it gets too late. See you in a while...

...so, I have gone to the gas station as well and got my supply of cigarettes and a chocolate bar. I couldn't resist it, not after having been out in the rain and wind. It was very stormy and wet on the bike, the walk with Tyke was a piece of cake compared to it. 

Now it is still a decent time in the evening and I'm all done doing things, except for hanging up a load of laundry. I'll do that tomorrow when I'll also change my bed. Oh, I can't wait to have clean sheets on the bed. What a joy! I know someone who only changes her sheets once every two weeks. I can't believe that. Maybe I'll even change the sheets tonight. That would make me excited about going to bed. I need all the excitement I can get. George Clooney is still not in there. 

Well, I think I will knit an end to this post, as we say here. I'm going to see what other kind of trouble I can get into. Oh yes, I'm going to change the bed...

Have a good evening!

Ciao,
Nora