Challenge...

I've been challenged not to write about coffee, but you may as well ask me not to write a post at all because it is impossible for me not to mention coffee. It is such an integral part of my daily life that it would be hard not to talk about it. It makes me function when I'm about ready to take a nap and don't want to. I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee now and there's more in the pot to have in a while. I'm looking forward to it already and yes, I'm starting to function much better. 

I haven't done a bleeding thing all day but walk the dog and sit around and watch interesting programs on television. I do make sure I see my fair share of those on Sundays. That's after I've quietly contemplated my navel in the silence of the early morning hours when I've finally gotten up. Because it's Sunday, I don't feel called upon to do a heck of a lot and feel that being lazy is perfectly legitimate. 

All I had to do was get dressed at one point and pretend to be wide awake, but I don't feel that I have to be as alert as I have to be the rest of the week. The dog seems to have the same notion and takes many naps in whatever sunshine is available to him. He must know that it's my day off and doesn't make too many demands. We do honor the day of the Lord and pay proper attention when the church bells ring, but that's as far as our devotion goes. 

Tonight the Netherlands is playing its football match against Portugal. We are still in the running if we beat them with two points and if Germany beats Denmark. Those are a lot of ifs that I don't have faith in. I don't even know if I will stay up to watch the match. I may get so disgusted that I'll turn off the televsion and go to bed. I even thought about lighting a candle at the Our Dear Lady Chapel, but I'm sure a lot of like minded, middle aged, Portugese women will do the same thing in their chapels. And they are catholic and I am not.

The sun does come out every once in a while even though it is overcast a lot. At least it's not raining today. It's not very warm outside and I do have to wear a jacket when I walk the dog. I'm wearing warmer clothes too, but that's purely because I'm being less stubborn and am indulging myself. I decided I wanted to be extra comfortable and ignore the fact that it's nearly summer. I don't know who to blame this weather on. Maybe some day it will be sunshiny and warm again. 

I just remembered that I have to do a load of laundry. In all my laziness I had forgotten that. 

Ciao,
Irene

I've got my shoes...

...and I think that I will be wearing them a lot as long as I'm not wearing a dress on a regular basis. I don't seem to do that very much anymore hooked as I am on skinny jeans. I'll have to wait and see what the weather is going to do in the near future. If it is going to get any warmer and make it necessary for me to wear different clothes or if it's going to stay chilly and rainy like it has been.

Anyway, the walking shoes arrived and I put them on and they fit perfectly. Thank goodness that I'm such an average size by Dutch standards. Usually things fit me just fine. These shoes are great. It is like walking on air cushions. The only problem with them is that my feet do get very warm in them and my feet aren't used to being warm. They are usually on the cold side and that's more comfortable for me.

It may have to do with the fact that these shoes are weather proof and contain a special lining. This means they will be very nice to wear in the wintertime but I wonder how they will be when the weather is hot? I probably won't wear any socks. Maybe that will help.

On another subject, this depression I am fighting is a mean sun of a gun. I have to literally struggle it to the ground and arm wrestle it for position. This one is so evil that I can't give it any space and I don't want to give it any ground to move around on. I will defeat it and I'm not going to give it an inch. I will be more stubborn than it.

At least I got a good start to the day. I woke up early but the sun was already shining in a bright blue sky so the first few hours of my day were pleasant. The first thing I did when I got up was to open the curtains in the living room so I wouldn't have to turn on any lights. Things cheered up immediately and my first cup of coffee tasted good too. The dog slept late so I didn't have to take him out right away.

I can face the first few hours of the day. It's the hours between the morning and the evening that are the hardest. They are when I struggle and I have to try and get through them in the best possible way. Sometimes that is very difficult. Today the Exfactor and the domestic help were here so that helped some.

Now it's almost evening and the day is coming to an end. I am no longer discouraged but see the sense of being alive again for just a little while. It will last long enough until it's time to go to bed. I just imagine my soul standing up very straight and being very powerful and resilient. It's bending in the storm, not breaking. It has to be strong  and flexible enough to withstand any kind of force.

If there was ever a time to believe in myself, then this is it. I hope I have the faith to do that.

Ciao,
Irene

Some coffee first, please...

I had to bring myself back to life with a cup of coffee before I could even think about writing this post. I was in sorry shape. I had gotten there without me really realizing it until I noticed that I was yawning an awful lot and couldn't concentrate on what I was doing. 

Luckily, a pot of coffee was quickly made and cup even more quickly poured. I drank it in a hurry and I'm starting to feel a bit better now. I'm not quite back to normal, but I'm on my way and expect to be in great shape in just a little while. I have to be patient enough to let the caffeine do its work and it will do that as if by magic. 

Aren't I always the eternal optimist? Just give me a cup of coffee and a cigarette and all will be well in my world. There's not much that can go wrong then. I do have a tendency to live in the moment and not think ahead too much. Whatever goes well now is of importance. I'll see about the rest later. 

The Exfactor was here this morning and put some order to the spare bedroom and he will be emptying it on Thursday. I'm so glad about that because I thought it was never going to happen. I'm happy that he finally gave me a day on which it is going to take place. There are a lot of things to move and he's done the preperatory work. I will have to do some sorting myself too and make sure that everything that needs to go actually does.

It does remind me to never save anything that I have any doubts about. If it's not absolutely necessary that I keep it, out it goes immediately. There will be no more spare room to put it in. I will have to be ruthless about making my choices. Life is about holding things down to the bare minima anyway. It doesn't pay to hang on to obsolete items. That's just so much bagage that you don't need to carry around with you. 

It was a lovely day today. We had sunshine and great temperatures. It was warmer today than it was yesterday. It was very nice to take the dog for a walk, especially if we stayed out of the shade which we did for the most part. The hedges are green now and there are birds hiding in them. There are also bees buzzing around and daisies and dandelions in the grass.  The fruit trees are also blooming.

Because I have the windows open. I hear the birds start to sing very early in the morning before it gets light. It's a joyous sound and makes me happy. It's nice to fall back asleep to. That's an understatement. 

Well, I'm all done getting back to normal now and I will end this post. I can't blather on forever. 

I hope you'll all have a wonderful evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Early on Wednesday morning...

I haven't slept much yet, but have been up half the night, sitting behind the computer, eating slices of bread with peanut butter. Mmm, good. That's to compensate for the cigarettes I'm not smoking. The bread with peanut butter does give me a feeling of satisfaction for a long time and I forget all about wanting to smoke. It takes the frustration out of me. 

Actually, I'm not having such a bad time because this is the second time I'm quitting in a very short time and I know what I'm doing. I've become a bit of a pro at quitting smoking. I know the pitfalls. 

The most important thing is to keep busy and to make sure there are not too many boring moments. It helps to sit behind the computer and to pretend I'm doing all sorts of interesting things. A lot of times I do, but sometimes I'm just sitting here day dreaming. As long as I keep my hand on the mouse it feels like I'm engaged in an activity. 

I'm going to call the hairdresser today because I've decided that I'm not going to let my hair grow long. It's at that very awkward stage now and I think I look ridiculous half of the time. I don't see much merit in letting it grow longer and having to sryle it the way it would look nice or how I would be happy with it. I want it all away from my face, so I may as well have it cut short again.

As it is now, I have to use a lot of hairspray and even then my hair doesn't stay in place. Hopefully I'll be able to get an appointment today. That's why I want to call over there first thing at 9 am. I assume someone will be there then. I'll be much happier with shorter hair. I just know it. And you know, once I get something in my head, it has to happen as soon as possible. 

I sure am a boring person without cigarettes. I'm like dull Jane sitting here behind the computer. I've even made more coffee to liven myself up with. Mostly I've been sitting here caught in thought and not even thinking anything of importance. I'm so easily distracted from what I'm doing. It's one way to spend the early morning hours. 

Every minute spent day dreaming is one in which I don't think about smoking. 

It's starting to get light out and the day will officially begin. If I'm smart, I will take the dog for a walk early. It will be good to get the first fresh air and to be out there before anybody else is.

Have yourself a wonderful day. 

Ciao,

Irene's Dutch Diva Blog

Filling my time...

Optimistically speaking, it is early in the morning and I am apparently insistent on starting the day at this ungodly hour. There is, of course, nothing wrong with it because there are no rules about when a person is supposed to undertake such a thing. You get up out of bed and make yourself some coffee and find out that you are in a functioning mode and in a good mood. It's as simple as that. There lies no complication in it whatsoever. 

You do have to decide what you are going to do with all those empty hours that lie ahead of you. You have to creatively and usefully fill those up. I do not lack an imagination, but sometimes I do fall short of the task and don't know enough things to do. That's why it is so nice to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes because I can wile away many long moments doing those activities, passive as they are. They seem to fit my personality which is introvert and pragmatic. 

I'll be taking a shower early this morning and getting dressed before it's dawn. I do have a nice, new, long sleeved T-shirt with a pretty print on it that I'm looking forward to wearing. I will have to wear a cardigan over it because it's a bit chilly outside. It's warm enough inside because I have the heater on despite my concerns about the energy bill. I wanted to be comfortable and only knew of one way besides wearing my warm bathrobe. It's awful anyway to take a shower in a cold bathroom. Brrr...

The dog will be happy because he'll get to go for a walk early too. There's still a clear sky outside, but it's supposed to rain later today and not get much warmer. I hope it waits with raining for a while because I have to go to the tobacco shop first thing when it opens. I will probably be their first customer and an eager one too. I'm almost out of tobacco and may have to wear a nicotine patch for a while. It would be a good time to quit actually. Only I don't think that I have the courage for it right now. I have to be in the right frame of mind. That counts for a lot too. 

In another two days my daughter and her father will be back from Italy. I am very happy about that and do have enough patience for that. Two days are manageable. I know that they are having a good time and that helps a lot too. I do want their vacation to be something that they can look back on with pleasure. The fact that I miss my daughter pales in comparison. I can't be selfish and think of only me. I do want the last days that I spend with her to be of quality. I will make sure of that. 

The coffee tastes awfully good. It is from Starbuck's and my daughter brought me an enormous package of it. I wasn't sure at first if I was going to like it, but I did after the initial pot of it. I had to adjust the dose of ground coffee that I put in the filter, but got it right the second time around. Now I'm an old pro at making it. 

I hope you'll al have a really good day. I'm planning on one myself. So is the dog, I think. 

Ciao,

Nora

Exhausted!!!

I'm so tired as I'm sitting here in the middle of the night. I got up early this morning and have had a long day and I haven't slept yet. It was late when I got home tonight and I needed some time to unwind before I could go to sleep, but I really think I'm properly unwound now and just about ready to go to bed. 

I'm punch drunk with sleep and feeling kind of pleasant as a result and I'm taking advantage of this alternative mood to try and write a post to see what I'll come up with. It's like being on drugs and trying to act normal. I think I may be able to get away with it but I'm not sure. I don't know if I'll make sense. I'm having a cup of coffee to get me a little bit back to more normal. 

After I had found a good outfit to wear this morning and had taken care of the fog and the cat, I rode my bike to my sister's house to see my daughter and her father. They were in the process of getting showered and dressed, but my daughter and sister and I did take the opportunity to look through the large collection of cosmetics that my sister's friend had brought back from the company in Milan. There were lipsticks and mascaras and eyeliners and eyeshadows and blushers and foundations.

We took our time looking through everything and picked out the best colors that matched us and were much content. We all felt like we had been kids turned out in the toyshop where we had got to pick the best toys for free. It is nice to have good connections. 

After everybody had had their expressos and cappuccinos, my daughter and her father and I rode bikes into town to do Christams shopping and taste the general festive atmosphere. It was busy, but not overly crowded and we were successful in our mission and found what we were looking for. We had lunch on a restaurant terrace that was heated and where each chair also had a blanket for warmth. My daughter and her father had typical Dutch specialties that they had been looking forward to eating. 

On the way back, we stopped by my apartment to let out the dog and for me to take my medications. The dog was very happy to see us and to go out back and do a piddle. The cat was also very curious about the company and hung around to see what was happening. I hated to leave them behind again, but at least I knew they were alright and that they were taken care of. 

When we got to my sister's house, presents had to be wrapped. I had already put my presents under the Christmas tree and the collection kept growing making it look quite exciting. I did notice that a lot of the presents had my name on it and I grew very curious. 

Earlier in the day, my sister has given me a very nice handbag because I had mentioned to her that I was going to buy a new one for myself that day. That was to prevent me from getting one. It's a knock off of a designer bag and it looks great and has lots of room in it for everything I carry with me. I felt proud as a peacock for carrying it. I am that kind of woman. But it's not a copy of your regular designer bag. I wouldn't be caught dead with one of those.

My sister prepared all sorts of foods that we slowly started eating over the course of the evening. Even I had some of it. She made too much and everybody was stuffed.

We took our time opening the presents one by one and I have to say that I made out like a bandit. I got very spoiled and got very nice things. I was almost embarrassed by how thoughtful people had been. But everybody was happy with their presents and we all did well. There were no sad faces. The process did last so long that we were all exhausted at the end of it. 

I had some trouble taking all my loot home on my bike but managed it in the end by careful arranging. I did make it home in one piece. 

I've gotten a bit of a second wind now from that cup of coffee and will stay up a while longer. I'll sleep late in the morning. I told everyone not to expect me too early. You don't have to sit on top of each other all the time. Some time alone is good too. 

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you get as spoiled as I did. 

Ciao,

Nora

Monday morning and ready to go...

It's early in the morning and I suppose you could say that I've had enough sleep. I sort of slept through the night in my own peculiar way. It wasn't quite as perfect as I would have liked it to be, but it came close. I'm more than wide awake now anyway and I've had my first cup of coffee. No doubt that helped me get in this cheerful state. 

It's Monday and I'm ready to start the week. I've had a fairly decent weekend, but I'm glad it's over. I'm always more than ready for the weekend to start, but I'm also always more than ready for Monday to come around. I guess that's not half bad because it means I look forward to both and enjoy the weekend as well as the weekdays. That's been different in the past when I preferred one over the other. 

I had an unexpected outing yesterday when I went to Ikea with my sister and her friend. It was fun to walk around there, but I didn't have much time to dawdle as they were there for a specific reason. We went through the store rather quicker than I would have liked. Still, I got to hang out in the kitchen department for a while and pick out a few things that I needed. 

After we had paid for our purchases, I had a milkshake and it was delicious. I had not had a milkshake in I don't know how many years and suddenly I craved one. I didn't know how my stomach was going to react to it, but it turned out not to be a problem at all. Now I've got milkshakes on my mind and would love to have another one. It's a good thing that this is not possible because I would gain much weight consuming them. 

The weather was atrocious. There was rain and a cold wind and I said to my sister, "Why did our ancestors have to settle in this country anyway?" She took me quite literally and started to explain why. This was when we were exposed to the elements on the upper deck of the parking garage. Not the best timing for it, of course. 

My sister bickers with her friend quite a bit and tries to impose her will on him a lot. Unless he keeps accepting this, I don't see how their relationship is going to have a long and healthy life. It gets on my nerves a lot and I find it hard to be around. I don't think I will be making outings with them like that again.  If I do, I'm going to have to say something about it. I may do that anyway.

I mustn't let that spoil my mood. I'm just finishing my second cup of coffee and I'm about to have a glass of mild orange juice. That will be a real thirst quencher. I have to take my medicines and get dressed and get this place cleaned up. I've got just a few chores to do. 

I've just started yawning and now I'm worried that I'm still sleepy. I don't want to go back to bed because I've got too much to do before the first person shows up. I'll probably end up making more coffee and try to last that way. It's one way to get through the morning. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Up early and then some...

I tell myself that there's nothing wrong with being up early on a Sunday morning and at least I found out now when the first birds sing. I did need a cup of coffee before I could convince myself of that notion and my medicines. It's after these mood altering substances had done their work that I could see the bright side of being up this early. Well, if there is a bright side to it. 

There is some doubt in my mind about that and I think I need another cup of coffee before I'm really convinced of it. But the fact is, that I'm wide awake and truly done sleeping and that even if I went back to bed, I wouldn't sleep any more. My bed is no longer an alluring place to go to. I'm all done laying down in it. I've spent enough time there. 

Today is my one and only child's birthday and, although she lives far away, I do feel in a festive mood as if I have to celebrate all by myself the day that I gave birth to her. The memory of that day is very clear in my mind and will not easily be forgotten. I couldn't believe how incredibly painful it was to give birth. Nobody had prepared me for that. But can anybody explain that properly to you?

I will call her later today. It's not the same as being there, but it's the next best thing. 

It's slowly getting light out and in a while I will take the dog for a walk. First I've got to pick out some decent clothes to wear. Something that befits a sunny Sunday because that's the kind of weather it's going to be. It will be cool, but there will be lots of sunshine. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

It's hardly surprising...

I made the coffee not so very strong, necessitating me to drink more of it to get the equal effect. I actually like the taste of it better this way, although I always claim to like a strong cup of coffee. I guess it really isn't so and I'll have to remember that the next time I make a pot of coffee. I do always have to learn my lesson the hard way. I hope I can always manage to put less ground coffee in the filter.

I will enjoy my cup of coffee better and it will not be such an onslaught to my stomach which is protesting less. I'm sure a cup of strong and bitter coffee is not what it wants. But I am like a donkey who kicks the same stone twice and it will be a learning process that I will stubbornly go through until I get it right. Remind me not to brag about the punch the coffee carries and what a kick it gives me. It will be because I'm on the wrong track. 

I also have to remember not to dawdle and put my bathrobe on right away instead of sitting here in my pajamas getting cold. It's like that doesn't register immediately and I wonder why I am so uncomfortable. Once I do put my bathrobe on, I'm immediately aware of the difference and I chastise myself for not having had the sense to do it right away. It makes me wonder how well I really function when I first get up in the middle of the night. 

I think I'm not as logical as I could be and have to wait for it to slowly catch up with me as the coffee starts working. I'm only a ghost of the potential me when I first get up, although I'm never in a bad mood. I'm just a bit slow witted and function below par. I really shouldn't make any big decisions in the first twenty minutes, although I'm happy to say that none are expected of me. 

I'm fine now and warmly enveloped in my bathrobe. I have socks on my feet and couldn't be more comfortable. My brain is functioning and I couldn't think straighter. I could do any sort of task now. It's a pleasure to be up knowing that I will go back to bed again shortly and finish sleeping. It's the simple things in life that make it worth living and sleeping well is one of them. I always do that best early in the morning.

Getting up the second time is a little bit harder. My body and mind do protest a bit more. It takes me a while longer to get my act together. I give myself an hour to sit in my armchair and become a semblance of a human being. I'm actually one before that time, but I like to start out slowly and to gather up my bravery to face the day. That is always a bit harder than facing the silence and darkness of the night. Looking presentable and walking the dog are big chores in the morning. They are not to be taken on lightly. 

The dog is snoring on the sofa, but he will follow me back to bed. The cat is already there waiting for us. 

Today will be lovely weather and that's something to look forward to. The sun will be shining all day.

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

 

A well spent Friday...

This morning, after I had been up half the night and unable to go back to sleep, it cost me some effort to keep myself occupied until it was time to go downtown to pick up my glasses. I watched repeats of the news and information on traffic jams around the country as if it concerned me. I watched the early morning show and pretended I was a commuter off to a busy day at her work. I drank coffee and smoked cigarettes until I was sick of them. 

When it finally was time to leave, I was more than ready to go. I hopped on my bike as if it was an act of liberation and rode it downtown as quickly as I could. It was already busy there, but I did manage to find a space to park my bike, and walked the rest of the way through the cobblestoned streets to the optician. 

I had almost forgotten what my glasses looked like and it was a surprise to see them. It was also an experience to put them on. The world around me suddenly became a lot clearer and more in focus. The most important thing was that I was able to read without any effort. That was a real eyeopener. 

I wore them out of the store and when I looked into the distance, it suddenly had gotten a lot more depth. To celebrate that fact, I walked all the way to my favorite store to see if there was anything on sale to match the colors of my glasses. Luckily there was and I bought two tops for a give away price. I didn't try them on until I got home, but figured they would fit and I was right.

Decked out the way I was, I went to the hairdresser where I got complimented on my glasses. While I waited for it to be my turn, I read a magazine that was lying about in the waiting area. I never was able to do that before. Before I could only read the headlines to the stories and what was printed in bold script, limiting my reading very much. 

I had my hair cut a lot shorter than I did the last time and it looks good.  It's not the kind of haircut I have to mess with much. I can pretty much just run my fingers through my hair and be done with it. It was washed with silver shampoo and the color lightened up quite a bit. I will have it cut again in a month or sooner if it needs it. I won't let it get long. This time it had only been four weeks since I last had it cut. 

So, there I was with my whole new look. The people who saw it first were the Exfactor and the domestic help and they both approved. The most important thing though is that I like it and I do. I'm comfortable with it. And I'm very glad that I can see so well, both up close and in the distance.

Another important thing is, that I took a much needed nap later this afternoon. I was more than ready for it. I felt like a limp dishrag earlier. I have to go to bed early tonight and catch up on the rest of my sleep. I'm not done sleeping yet.

I hope you all have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Being awake is another option...

Optimistically speaking, it's very early in the morning, although it will be some time yet until it's dawn. I won't let that bother me and pretend the day is starting anyway. If I were a dairy farmer, I'd almost be getting ready to milk my cows, especially if I had a large herd.

I'm very cozily sitting here in my bathrobe with my cup of coffee. I slept well and was lovingly woken up by the dog who had to go out back. He's sound asleep now on the sofa. I feel that not much can go wrong right now and all is well with the world. I'm going to enjoy these first hours of the day as much as I can. 

When I was rearranging the bookcase the other day, I found '101 Crossword Puzzles for Dummies.' I don't remember exactly who bought me this, but I suspect it was my first ex-husband who knows I am crossword puzzle mad. I had forgotten that it was there and now I have been sitting down doing the puzzles.

I'm happy to say that I can solve most of them with only a minimum amount of cheating. I spent two hours on them yesterday afternoon until I was sick and tired of them. Still, I conveniently laid the book on my desk because I know I will want to do more of them today. 

I also have the Collected New York Times and Los Angeles Times Sunday Crosswords. It will be a while before I try those because they are a bit harder to do. I used to solve them when I still lived in the States, but I'm not as savvy now. You have to be more than a dummy to do those and be steeped in the culture. They are not for sissies. 

So, the interesting things you find when you rearrange your bookcase. There were books there that I hardly ever pay attention to and that are worth my time  looking at. Some have beautiful photographs in them and I haven't looked at them for ages. They are so neglected. If I don't look at them, who will?

I haven't got anything special planned for today. I'm hoping to get that phone call from the optician to say that my glasses will be ready to be picked up, but frankly, I've given up hope. I won't expect it and then I won't be disappointed. I already called them on Tuesday and they said it could be any day. Blagh!

I will take my medicines now and make a pot of green tea with lemon. Then I will sit in my arm chair and do some crossword puzzles until dawn. That ought to keep me out of trouble.

I hope you'll all have a lovely day.

Ciao,

Nora

Testing the nighttime waters...

I got up about an hour ago and have been reading blogs and drinking coffee since then. I'm afraid I'm super honest in any comments I leave and think that sometimes I'm a little too harsh. That's how I am in the middle of the night. I tend to see things for what they are and I find it difficult to be super polite. I hope I'm forgiven for that. Hopefully people know me well enough to take what I say with a grain of salt. Maybe I worry too much about it and it isn't as bad as I think it is. We will see. 

I'm drinking my last cup of coffee now before I'm switching to cold milk and then I can have that wonderful burping experience and noisy stomach. My daughter told me that, since I'm a blood type O-positive person, I should not drink any milk at all. I can well believe it, since it never seems to agree with me, but I love it so much. I'm addicted to it, but aren't you often to the things that are bad for you? 

I may have to rethink my diet completely because it seems I'm eating all the wrong things. This may explain some of the intestinal problems I'm having. I must eat more fruit and vegetables and even some meat. And also take some food supplements such as vitamin B12 and iron. That may explain the dizziness I so often get. Fish alone may not be the solution. 

Anyway, it's really very early in the morning and I'm feeling very hopeful about the day. It is Sunday, after all, and a day I usually enjoy a lot because it's the day on which I do chores and visit my sister. At this moment, I'm very much wide awake, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stay that way. I may get sleepy later on and have to go back to bed. We'll see. 

I've started reading 'The Joy Luck Club' and it's as good as I remember it without being boring because I've read it before. I've forgotten enough about it for it to be interesting. I do enjoy Amy Tan's style of writing which is very relaxed and intimate. You feel like she's written down the stories just for you. 

I went back to bed after I had sat in my armchair and read. I slept for a few hours and got up just in time for a package to be delivered. I was just going to change into my clothes when the intercom rang. I had ordered some new underwear on line and there were two cotton underwire bras from a brand I hadn't tried before, so I was eager to try them on. 

I know I am fortunate to be able to order bras on line and that women usually have a heck of a time buying them. These fit perfectly with a small adjustment of the shoulder straps. The fact that they are cotton makes them very comfortable to wear. They look nice and also look good under my tight fitting tops. I do love wearing a good looking bra. It makes me feel special and I deserve that. Heck, any woman deserves a good bra. 

I think I'll go change the sheets on my bed in case I decide to go back to it some time this morning. It will be great to get in between clean ones. It's time for the duvet cover with the little red roses. First I'll take my medicines to get off to a good start. Then nothing can stand in the way of a good day. 

Enjoy your Sunday, no matter what the weather is like. 

Ciao,

Nora

Definitely early in the morning...

I've had my coffee, so I'm more than alert enough and quite capable of writing a post. That is, providing I can think of enough interesting things to write about. It is always a bit of a problem so early in the morning when nothing much has taken place yet. I have to rely on my imagination and my memory of the day before, but with the caffeine in me that shouldn't really be all that difficult. It does jar my braincells into action. I haven't had a cup of coffee yet that doesn't have that effect. I've had two of them and that ought to do the job.

I was sitting here in my pajamas, but now that I'm drinking a glass of ice cold milk, I've had to put on my bathrobe. It really should have been washed in the last load of laundry, but I was loathe to miss it for any length of time. It smells a bit stale and musky and I'm going to have to wash it anyway. There's no way around it. I'll have to wear my gray woolen cardigan if I get cold while I wait for my bathrobe to dry. That's not too bad either and it will keep me almost as warm. 

Last night I failed to finish watching an episode of 'Lewis.' It was interesting, but halfway through I started yawning. I thought about staying up and finishing watching it, but I started longing for my bed. In the end. I put my pajamas on and took my sleeping pill and was sound asleep in the shortest amount of time. I think I put my head down on the pillow and was instantly asleep. 

I'll have to get off the sleeping pill. I'm going to have to slowly cut down. It's not that it really helps me sleep anyway. I do enough of that without it. I'll have to discuss this with my psychiatrist and do it under his guidance. It will be good to get off it because I don't know how much it influences my state of mind. It's supposed to be a pretty powerful pill and it's best to do without it. I don't want to take anything that alters my state of mind like that. That is a barbiturate. I should be able to do this, just like I did with the tranquilizers. 

I don't have anything special on the program today. I can actually be as lazy as I want to be, but I'm not really in the mood for that. I'm going to have to try and think of some things to do, besides sleep late when I go back to bed. Thursday is always my day off and I usually don't have anything planned on that day. I must try and get a busier schedule. I should find something to occupy myself with in the long term. I'll have to make a commitment to something.

I've got to take my medicines and go back to bed. I'm not nearly done sleeping. Another possibility is that I'll sit in my armchair and drink tea and read for a while. I will have to find another book because I'm so not taken with the one I'm reading. It's turning into a chore to. That can't be the purpose of a relaxing activity. I'll have to look on the bookcase and see what books are left unread. I'm sure there are many to choose from. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

The dog made me do it...

The dog woke me up when I wasn't nearly ready to and now I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee yawning my head off. I will come to my senses soon enough and it isn't half bad being up because I was going to be sooner or later anyway. The timing is just off a little bit. I had expected to sleep a little while longer. 

At least I'm not taking those god awful tranquilizers anymore that would have made me sit here in a stupor. I'm at least sound of mind and capable of thinking straight. Nor do I expect to hit a high when the caffeine has completely entered my system. I'm safe on all fronts and that makes me feel ever so much better. It's nice to sit here with my head screwed on straight. 

The dog, of course, doesn't want anything from me now. He apparently just wanted my company and no doubt was bored all on his own in the dark. That's the way it usually goes. I get up and he lies down somewhere and goes to sleep. 

The cat was sleeping on my pillow and had left just enough room for me to put my head down. At least she was that considerate. She takes up two thirds and I get the rest. She was kind enough not to pass gas. I do have to give her that.

Early yesterday morning, before I went back to bed, I sat in my armchair and read my novel while I drank glasses of ice cold milk. I read for about two hours until I got a backache from sitting in the chair. Apparently, it's not the best chair to sit in. I may have to move my place of operation to the other side of the room where there's a more comfortable chair. 

Once I was back in bed, I slept for another three hours, but I was bright eyed and bushy tailed when I got up. Well, that's exaggerating it a little bit, but I wasn't feeling any pain. A few cups of coffee were all it took before I could get the show on the road, but I think I could have done it after just one. I like to postpone the moment I get into action. I like to sit and ponder my navel for a while. 

I had to choose what to wear and what was appropriate for the warm weather, but I decided to boycott it and wear what I felt like wearing and what was in keeping with the temperature it was inside, which was a lot cooler. I didn't feel like wearing skimpy clothes. To me it was autumn and I wanted to wear the kind of clothes that were more in keeping with that season. Call me stubborn if you wish. 

I like the slant of the sunlight and the color of it. You could say that this season agrees with me very well and it's not because of the weather. It's the general atmosphere of it and the color of the leaves on the trees. Somehow it all feels very familiar and comfortable to me and I feel at home. Even frost in the morning wouldn't change my mind, although any snow or ice would, but I'm not expecting them. I'll have to perform a ritual to keep them away. 

I feel like I had a busy day yesterday, but I didn't do anything special except for some chores and walking the dog. The day passed by quickly. It felt like a full day when in reality it wasn't at all. I'm not complaining about it. That kind of a day is very pleasant. It means that I was very comfortable with myself and didn't get in my own way. I was my own best company. 

Today I have my last appointment with my SPN. I've bought a present for her future baby. It is strange that I will not see her again after today, but next week I already have an appointment with my new therapist and so you see, life continues. It just takes on a different form. The substance will be the same. 

I hope you will all have a wonderful day or that you are still having one.

Ciao,

Nora

The blues are far away...

Up in the wild blue yonder, that's where they are and that's the only place I see them anymore nowadays. Good riddance, they were around long enough to get thoroughly sick and tired of. Every once in a while, I try to call them to the surface to see if they are still there, but they are truly gone and no longer stuck in my head to plague me. 

Now it's just a matter of keeping them out and to do that I have to be as contented as I can possibly get while still allowing for the occasional grumpy mood that I'm bound to have also. Being a human being doesn't mean you only get to be good natured all the time. There are those moments when you are anything but. Hopefully, we'll let those be as short and 'sweet' as they can be. 

Periods of malcontent don't have to last long to make an impact.  One hour of it every once in a while is more than enough. It's best to get them over and done with quickly while taking a stance at the same time. You may achieve a long dreamed of goal. You can fight for something you believe in. The malcontent will get your momentum going. I think that's the original purpose of it and not just for us to be grumpy.

In the meantime I'm sitting here in the middle of the night going about my usual business. I've opened a new package of coffee and made a delicious fresh pot with it. It does make a difference if it's a newly opened pack. The coffee tastes better, or so I imagine. I realize how lucky I am to not have to forgo this simple pleasure. It's the little things like this that make life easier. With all the cuts in the budget, I'm still able to afford coffee. It would be a sad day if I were not.

I've tentatively started reading again. I've picked up where I left off with 'We Were The Mulvaneys.'  Yesterday morning, when I was planning on going back to bed, I sat in my armchair instead and read for two hours while drinking green tea with lemon. I have mixed feelings about this book. I want to like the characters, but I don't know if I'm in sympathy with them. There's some element of passion missing. I hope I start to care more as I get deeper into the story.

I promised myself that I would finish this book because I've left too many unread. I have to finish at least this one before I move onto the next one. I don't think that's too much to ask of myself, even if I do feel a slight discomfort with it. At least I'm trying to overcome that. After I have finished writing this post, I will sit down and read some more. It's pleasant to read in the early morning hours in all peace and quiet. I'm able to concentrate well. 

I'm done drinking coffee and will have my glass of cold milk now so my stomach will have something to do. It always does protest loudly after the first few sips. I don't know why it does that unless it's from the cold. I burp something awful. 

Have a lovely day all of you and I hope your weather will be as nice as ours will be. 

Ciao,

Nora

The perfect blog post...

It's better to pretend to act like you know what the ingredients are to a perfect blog post and then to go ahead and try to write one. I have sat here quite a few times and tried to figure it out, but I've not come up with an answer yet. At least not with one that works for me, although I am aware of the fact how some other people do it. 

I'll just keep plodding along in my own peculiar way and make the best of it. I keep telling myself that it's also for my own sake that I write these posts because they act like a diary for me and in it I record my life. Maybe some people will find it interesting enough to also read. I can't figure it out from the statistics. They are a mystery to me. 

I got woken up by the dog who, in an effort to get my attention, licked my face all over because he had to go out and he was in a hurry. I stood by the back door in the very cool air and looked at the stars in the clear night sky. I appreciated the sight of them and the fact that there were no clouds to hide them. Of course, that's what made it so nice and crisp outside. 

The dog came in just when I was sufficiently cooled down and I made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee. I'm always amazed at how quickly the machine turns out a pot. While I waited, I turned on the computer and checked my emails of which there were only a few. At least I don't get spam, which is a huge relief. It can make your in box look very full for naught. 

I can sleep late in the morning, though I haven't done so lately because I don't take the tranquilizers any more at night. It's made a big difference in how early I get up and how well I do that first hour. I'm not in a comatose condition that I have to recuperate from with several cups of coffee. I'm in a functioning state pretty quickly. 

I always made the assumption that I was an especially slow starter, but now I turn out to not really be one. Neither am I flying high during the night. I'm completely sober during these hours that I'm up and I distinctly remember being not so. 

I've got to think about which clothes I'm going to wear today, although over everything I wear my warm, gray, oversized cardigan when I'm inside. That's because the windows are still open and I won't turn on the heater yet. I also wear one of my cotton scarfs to keep the draft off my neck. I do like to be toasty warm. I dread the thought of winter. 

There, I wrote this post strictly for my own sake. Well, I did keep you readers in mind a little bit. 

It's time for me to go back to my warm bed. I've got to sleep just a little while longer. 

Have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

How do I love thee, Sunday...

I'm warmly wrapped up in my bathrobe early in the morning after a chilly, rainy night. It's not actually all that cold in the apartment, but it feels like it is because of the damp air coming in through the open windows. 

It's still too early in the season to close them and to turn on the heater. I won't make the energy company that happy. If I dress warm enough, I won't be bothered by the cool air at all and as the day progresses, it does get a bit warmer in here. 

At this moment, I'm more than ready for the day to start, but it may be a dose of too much optimism on my part and I may change my mind later and go back to bed to sleep a little longer.

The whole point is to get through Sunday in the most optimal way and any method is allowed. However you put your Sunday to use is good. There are no rules. I can be as unregulated as I want to be and do whatever strikes me as right at the moment.

I am going out this afternoon. My sister and I are going to an art exhibit and afterwards we are going to have coffee at her house and lightly celebrate my nephew's birthday. He turned 17 on Friday.

We probably won't be able to sit in the garden because it's not going to be all that warm today and we may get some showers. We're experiencing fall weather, which is only appropriate for this time of the year, I suppose.

I will have to think about which clothes to wear. I suppose it should be Sunday apparel but I'm in the mood for wearing whatever I feel like. I will have to see what I can conjure out of my closet. 

I will have to dress keeping the weather in mind. I don't think it's time yet to wear two layers, but the time for short sleeves is over. It's time for cardigans and long sleeved tops.

I'm yawning and have decided to go back to bed for a while. It's still early in the morning and there's no reason yet to be up. I will take my medicines and pour myself a glass of cold milk and crawl back under the warm duvet. 

I hope you'll all have a terrific day.

Ciao,

Nora

A tale before bedtime...

I'm sitting here freezing my buns off because I'm drinking ice cold milk and hadn't been smart enough to put my bathrobe on first. It does make a difference if you do and I'm now waiting to start warming up again. 

It isn't really that cold in here, despite the fact that the bedroom windows are open still and that it's an autumn night outside. It was just my body suddenly cooling down after I had sat here quite comfortably in my pajamas for a while drinking coffee. 

I've slept a few hours and woke up with a perspiring head and wet hair. That's a side effect of the medication increase, I know now. I used to think that it was because I was in the menopause, but I think I've got that well behind me.  At my age I should be. I'm not having hot flashes during the day. 

This is the second night that I only took one tranquilizer and if anything, I feel even more normal now. I most definitely don't feel under the influence of anything, although doubtlessly I still am. But what I take now is so little compared to what I used to take that it's bound to make a major difference.

After I had been up in the middle of the night the night before last, I only slept for a while longer and got up fairly early in the morning. I didn't take my usual nap all day and also didn't feel the need to drink a lot of coffee. I was pretty alert all on my own and in a good mood. 

I started fading after dinner yesterday and went to bed early. I had clean sheets on the bed and that was a sheer pleasure. I put my head down on the pillows and pulled the duvet up to my shoulders and was asleep pretty quickly after that.

Now I'm yawning and tired, which I wasn't the night before last. I think I will go to bed shortly and have myself some proper sleep.

I wore my cowboy boots yesterday with my skinny jeans and felt like a regular tough broad. I liked walking the dog and stomping around in them. It made me feel as if I was making a statement. Especially since I was wearing my leather jacket also. Accessories make the woman. 

Have a good day when you wake up. 

Ciao,

Nora

Bullocks?

For some reason, I find myself up very early in the morning and, although I'm putting it off, I'm going to have to make myself a pot of coffee. I've already had to take my medicines because I felt that I was not functioning well without them, so I'm waiting for them to start working now. Soon I will be all sorted out and I will be like a newly reborn person. 

If you get all the ingredients right in the morning, nothing will stand in the way of a good day, right? That's my brand of magical thinking. If I follow all the rituals, it's bound to turn out alright. So you see, I'm actually a very animistic person and should have been born in a more primitive society. I could have been the shaman. 

I don't know why I'm up so early in the morning and if I'm going back to bed in a while. There's no reason for me to be up already. It's not like there is a mess of chores waiting for me to do. It's not even dawn yet. I do have to say that I'm in an excellent mood, but that may be a temporary condition. I'll take advantage of it while it lasts. I never know if these things are going to stay with me all day. I'm as changeable as the Dutch weather.

Well, lets just assume for one day that I'm not and throw the whole myth overboard. Let's assume that my mood can be steady just like anybody else's. It's not necessary to move from one extreme to the other. I can just resolve to stay in this mood. And why not, why should it suddenly be any different? Is it because a butterfly flapped its wings somewhere in China?Is it as mysterious as that? 

I'm overly sensitive to the slightest nuances in my environment. I'm too much aware of them. I have to develop a little bit of a thicker skin and not get off kilter so easily. Hopefully that's not too late at my age. I can't live in a sterile bubble. 

I've decided that I'm going back to bed for a while. There's nothing to keep me up yet. It's too early to start the day and there's no need to rush anything. The chores can all wait until later and it will be too noisy to turn the washing machine on now.

I'll take my cheerfulness to bed with me and hope I wake up with it too. Let's just assume that I will. Always assume the best scenario, right?

Have a great day!

Ciao,

Nora

Who told me it was time to get up?

By my standards, it's still relatively early in the morning, especially for a Saturday morning when I can really sleep as late as I want. I've already been up for a while and have had my cups of coffee and am about to drink my first glass of milk. 

That will be my first meal today because I can't stand the thought of food first thing in the morning. Unless I was going to a Denny's in California and got to order a complete American breakfast, but how am I going to manage to eat that with a gastric band? There would be much drooling over the food and little actual eating and most of it would go to waste. 

You see how I do a lot of wishful thinking and in my head create situations that don't remotely have the chance of taking place so I'm worrying for nothing. I'll just stick to my glass of milk. Another problem has been helped out of this world. Everything should be solved as easily, but then again, maybe it can be. Who knows if much of what I want isn't actually wishful thinking? 

I do have a tendency to get caught up in trains of thought that are complete fantasies and that have nothing to do with reality. I suppose you could call that ordinary daydreaming, but I find it to be a waste of time that leads you nowhere and only takes you down the wrong path. It's best not to go there at all and to stay in the here and now. 

Today I have to try and take care of a couple of chores. It's for the sake of my own peace of mind that I'll do them. I'll be able to relax better for the rest of the day once they are done. That's why it's important that I stay up now and don't go back to bed. I will save whatever need for sleep I have left in me for my afternoon nap and that will be in a bed with clean sheets. 

I'm yawning something awful, but must completely ignore it and get the show on the road. The first thing I'll do is take the dog for a walk. The cold air will do me good.  It's not going to be a warm day today and we may even get some more rain. We had rain and thunderstorms yesterday. They were quite spectacular. 

Have a good Saturday you all. 

Ciao,

Nora