Good day coming...

I've had my first cup of coffee and I've turned from a grumpy, sleepy person into a good natured, alert one. It's really made quite a difference, because when I first got up even the animals got in the way of me and I felt like grumbling at them. I knew I would have to be patient and that I would be alright if I just had that first cup of coffee inside of me. I ignored my own bad mood as much as possible and tried not to take it out on anyone, least of all myself, which I am also quite capable of. I can be my own worst enemy when I'm in a bad morning mood, even when I know it is just a temporary condition. Never mind, I had that cup of coffee and soon everything was alright again and I could react to life as a normal and reasonable person.

I went to bed after I wrote my last post last night and did not stay up to read my novel. I decided to be sensible and go to sleep like any other normal person would. I fell asleep quickly and much to my surprise I slept until 8 am this morning. That is an amazing feat and I rarely do that. I do remember vaguely getting up once to go to the toilet, but apparently I had enough sense to go back to bed after I did so, which is a surprising thing, because normally that would be reason for me to get up and have cups of coffee and sit behind the computer. Of course, now I can't smoke cigarettes anymore, so part of the appeal is gone and that may have something to do with it. I was also very exhausted due to a shortage of sleep from the night before and I had to catch up on that, but I would like it if I slept through the night every night and got up at a reasonable hour every morning, grumpy or not.

I'm still in my pajamas now and not nearly ready to get the day truly started. I ought to get dressed, but I'm postponing that moment until later when I'm really in the mood for it. I like sitting here a while longer and pretending that the day is not rushing at me to get a move on. All will happen in its own good time and I'm sure I will get everything done today that needs to get done. I have to go to the hardware store, where they have everything you may need in a lifetime, and buy the new shades for the living room windows. That's the most important thing I need to do today. It is for the sake of my decorative aesthetics that I need to do that. I will not comfortably rest on my laurels until that is done.

Tyke has made himself comfortable on the new sofa and Gandhi is laying in the armchair which is my favorite chair to sit in. Luckily, neither one of them sheds a lot of hair. I've had animals that were much more of a problem, but these two aren't. Tyke doesn't lie on the coffee table anymore, because I've made it impossible for him to do so. This coffee table is smaller and I have a sculpture and a large plant on it. Even Gandhi doesn't sit on it. She hasn't shown much interest in the sofa yet, but I'm waiting for the moment for that to happen. I will have a spray bottle of water ready and I will not hesitate to use it.

I'm waiting for the Exfactor to show up and I realize that it's better if I do get dressed, because it would not do to greet him in my pajamas, although I can put on my bathrobe and be decent... I've just done that for now.

I have just fed the animals and Tyke is digesting his food now and quite happy for it. Gandhi had a bowl of milk and is now eating Tyke's leftovers. She got lucky today, because Tyke seldom has leftovers. What is a little bit of food to a dog, is a lot of food to a cat, especially of the dainty variety, which Gandhi is a specimen of.

Every once in a while I have the urge to light up a cigarette and then I remember that I don't smoke anymore. It seems such a natural thing to do, to reach for a cigarette and to light up. It's the habit I miss, I suppose. It's not the nicotine so much. It's the ritual around it. I must distract my mind with other activities and think of other things to do with my hands and my mind. It helps to stay busy and to be oblivious of my subconscious longings. I must keep them in the back of my mind as much as possible and not let them come to the foreground.

I'm going to get dressed now and look like a presentable woman. I can't be disheveled like this with my hair sticking up in all directions. I do have to make an effort.

Have a nice day all of you.

Ciao,
Nora

No fooling around now...

That pill that allows me to fall asleep only keeps me asleep for a few hours and then I'm wide awake again. It's not a real sleeping pill, which is good, because I've heard from people who take those that they are very groggy in the morning and that they suffer the consequences of them the next day. At least I don't have that. I am wide awake after it has worn off and any sleeping I do later, I do on my own. I may as well try and get off it and it is one of the things I will try to do soon. First I have to quit smoking.

The day went well yesterday. Everybody came and went and the Exfactor put the coffee table together without any trouble. It is very nice and solid. The area rug arrived while he was working on it, so we put it in place and then put the coffee table on top of it. The area rug is dark gray and the coffee table is black. It looks good and will look even better when the sofa is in place.

After the Exfactor left. I walked to the flower shop with Tyke and bought two large ivy plants in square, lime green pots. I put one on the coffee table along with a sculpture, so now Tyke can't jump on top of it. He's been foiled. He does like the rug very much and likes to lie down on it. It is soft and warm. I put the other ivy on the dining table, to pull the interior together. I do have to make sure that I always have a bouquet of flowers, because it cheers the place up so very much. I have to make a point of that.

I'm not hypomanic anymore. I came down to earth yesterday afternoon and now I am completely calm and sober minded. I hadn't realized that I was hypomanic until I stopped being it and then it became clear to me. I suspected it last week, but thought I was over it. It's a relief not to be it anymore, because I was outshouting myself. Making too much noise, having too many stars in my eyes. Now I'm down to a manageable level and I'm going at an easier pace. It's a more realistic state of mind to quit smoking in.

I like being this calm me. I am almost sedate. At least I'm more introspective and I like that. I'm not on the run for anything. The hypomanic me got a lot of things done, the calm me gets to enjoy them. I can be more objective like this and think about things in a more rational way, without high running emotions. I also feel that I can rest and be quiet and that everything will happen in its own good time. The last thing I want to do now is turn on the light therapy lamp. That will turn me back up.

My sister is giving a house warming party tonight and she has invited lots of people. If only half of them show up, it will be a full house. She'll have food and drinks and good company. I will make it a point not to drink too much wine. I do have to ride my bike home.

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

Pretending...

It's early in the morning and I'm pretending to be awake. I think I am awake, but I'm still drinking my first cup of coffee, so anything is possible. I will know more in half an hour when the caffeine has done its work. In the meantime, I sit here and smoke my cigarettes and blearily look at the keyboard and pick out the right keys to type. Every once in a while I yawn and think I will go back to bed, but I know it would be an exercise in futility. Once I'm up, there's no stopping me and I won't be able to go back to sleep, because I will be too excited about what the day will bring.

So coffee it is and several cups of it. Nice and strong. The kind that puts curl in your hair. Ha ha, if that were true, I would have very curly hair by now. I have no such luck and have to get any curls I want from a curling iron. I do have one of those, but up to now my hair has been too short to use it. I've tried it and all it does is put a kink in my hair. I'm to dignified to walk around with kinky hair. I'll have to let my hair grow longer just a bit. I just may do that.

I have to get dressed on time in case those men come to pick up the sofa and the carpet early to take to the dump. It will be a relief to have them gone, because they are standing in the hallway where I usually park my bike, and they are in the way. That sofa is standing on end in the corner and even Gandhi is not climbing to the top anymore. She did that at first, but the trick has gotten old, just as she never uses her scratch poles anymore, but prefers to use various pieces of furniture, rotating between the ones that are her favorites.

It's going to be one heck of a busy day with people coming and going and me having to go to the post office and the pharmacy at the end of it. I have to pick up some medicines and my nicotine patches, because I'm working on my last pack of tobacco and I'm not sure when I'm going to run out of it. Any day now I could be an ex-smoker. You will all have to bear with me as I go through the throes of cigarette withdrawal. I'll know not what to do with my hands. I better get something to fiddle with. Some rubber bands maybe or paper clips that I can bend out of shape.

Instead of waiting for my sister to take me to Ikea, I've ordered an area rug on line and I just discovered that it is going to be here this afternoon. I hope they get here on time, because I do have to go out at the end of it. It is nice that it is arriving today, though, as I can put it in place and it will be a spot for Tyke to lie down on. He has been sleeping in the armchairs, but he prefers to be on the floor. Usually the delivery person gets here around 3 pm, so I hope that counts for today as well. I will be home, because that's when the Exfactor will be putting together the coffee table. I can't wait to see what it will look like. I do know that it will be heavy, as the flat pack weighs a lot.

I have to get dressed and get the show on the road. It will be the beginning of a long day and I must be ready for it. I've had enough coffee to wind up a cuckoo clock. I think I will switch to fruit juice now.

Have a great day!

Ciao,
Nora

Is that lucky or what?

I did go back to sleep in the middle of the night when I told you that I was maybe going to do all sorts of jobs and I thought was too wide awake to go back to bed. I slept until 7 o'clock and got dressed immediately. I was a little dopey, but a cup of coffee helped me get over that. Coffee always works and always gets my mind up to the proper speed. What would I do without it?

Promptly, at 8 o'clock, a big truck pulled up outside and I locked Tyke in the spare bedroom and went to open up the front door and the outside door. The first thing that was carried in was the new coffee table, which came in a flat pack and which I would have to assemble myself. Then the delivery men started to carry in the sofa, but soon ran into trouble, because the space by the front door in the hallway turned out to be to narrow to let the long sofa in. I had not realized when I ordered it that it was over sized. Those guys tried every trick, but they could not get it inside, so they had to take it back and told me that I would have to order a shorter sofa.

I did that and it turns out that the sofa I ordered now is nicer than the sofa I ordered first. I think this one escaped my attention, because I was not looking for size, but for a three seater. This time I looked for size and got different choices. It will be here next Wednesday and until that time I will have to do without a sofa, but that is really no problem. There are worse things in life.

Then I opened the flat pack and saw what I had to deal with and the fact that there were about 100 screws that needed to be screwed in and I decided that it was not a job for me. I don't have an electric screwdriver. I called the Exfactor and he will be over tomorrow with his and put the coffee table together. I'm ever so grateful and until that time, the flat pack has been closed up again. Tyke lies on top of it with his ball and thinks he's the king of the living room.

I took a break and thought about things and then switched the armchairs around so that the barrel chair, which has comfortable armrests, is by the reading light and I can sit in it when I read my book. That way I don't have to lug a pillow around every time I sit down to read. I've put the extra pillows on my bed with pillow cases on them and they will come in handy when I want to lie down on the sofa, which has low armrests. They should be very good to sleep on.

Then I cleaned up and rearranged the bookcase and made space for more books by getting rid of obsolete things and moving reference books to the bedroom. That went a lot easier and faster than I had anticipated. I still have to move two boxes that are sitting on top of it. I had quite forgotten about them and am running out of space to put things. There's only so much room in the apartment. The bookcase looks much better now and that shows you what a short amount of hard work can do for you. I wasn't even out of breath.

I'm still going to do a load of laundry next and change my bed, so going to sleep tonight will be fun, although it really is every night, but I will wear clean pajamas too. That's something to look forward to. I think you must have these little points of light to aim for in your day every day. The smallest things count. Like having a glass of cold milk and a peanut butter sandwich or getting your mail out of the mailbox and finding a package there that you were expecting. It's all about anticipation and enjoyment.

I'm now going off to enjoy my chores. Have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora

Somehow...

While Tyke and I were asleep tonight, Toby managed to drag himself from the kitchen to the spare bedroom and installed himself in the shoe box that sits in a dark corner next to the closet. I don't know what this means, except that he seems to need more privacy than he was getting in the paper box in the kitchen. I don't know how he made the journey there, but it must have been difficult. He did not react when I found him, but went right on sleeping and I didn't disturb him. I will see how he is in the morning when I move him back to the paper box for food and water. The little guy has determination, that's for sure.

Tyke and I went to sleep on time as I was completely wiped out early in the evening. All I wanted to do was go to bed with my book, so that's what I did. I'm nearing the end of "Careless in Red" and things are getting exciting and fast paced.This did not stop me from falling asleep quickly, although it meant that I also woke up several hours later, wide awake again, and Tyke was ready to go out back and do a piddle. I stood by the back door in the cool night air and let myself get cold and that felt great. I'm constantly seeking coolness and few clothes and the cool night air is best for it. I would like to get so cold that I shiver, but that has been impossible.

Since it was Sunday, I decided it was my day of rest and I allowed myself to have a lazy day in which I only took care of the animals and ignored almost everything else. I do so appreciate the traditional day of rest that's still honored here and I do it justice. I really make it a holiday for myself without having feelings of guilt because I'm not actively doing all sorts of things. It's a day meant for pleasure in whichever form you can find it and whatever way is the most relaxing, but you aren't supposed to exert yourself with the usual dull and taxing jobs.

Since my harem pants were a little wide around the waste, and they had a tendency to sag, I put new elastic in them and made them tighter, so now they stay up really well and they look better when I wear them. That was a fun and satisfying job to do. I still have to take in the bust lines of two new dresses that I bought a little bit too big. It will be an easy job to do. I was more worried about buying them too small, as I had never bought this brand of clothes before and didn't know how their sizes ran. I could have gone for the smaller size and I will know that the next time I order their clothes.

While I was very wrapped up just now doing something on another website, Toby made his way back to the kitchen and used the litter box. I missed all of this, but did catch him on time to give him water and food. It may be my imagination, but I think he is doing a little bit better. He seems to be less unstable, which makes me think that I may postpone my decision. I will have to observe him walking around and I will put Tyke out of the room and get Toby to move around a bit and see how he does. I'm almost afraid to hope it is so, but I must believe in it somehow. I can nurse him a while longer if I have to. There's no reason why I shouldn't wait a few days if I think he's really doing better, unless I'm fooling myself.

I'm not going to bed for the rest of the night, but I'm going to clean up the kitchen instead and sweep the floors. The domestic help can't vacuum the living room and the kitchen with Toby lying in the paper box. He would go into a panic at the sound of the vacuum cleaner.

The Exfactor is coming by today to check on him and he'll be ready to take him to the vet if it is necessary, but I'm not sure now. He can go to the store for me and buy new cat litter for the litter box instead.

It's very cozy sitting here having my glass of milk and cigarette. Tyke is asleep on the coffee table. He's a decorating element just like an art book or a good sized sculpture. When it comes to what to place on the coffee table, I always have to take him into account. He spreads himself out completely. Luckily, it is a large table and there is room for a cup of coffee and an ashtray and a book. I don't get completely crowded out.

I must read some blogs before I get busy. Have a lovely day.

Ciao,

Nora