Two cups of coffee...

I was so exhausted yesterday evening. I sat here behind the computer and almost toppled over from tiredness. I tried to resist it, but ended up going to bed before it was 7 o'clock, I think. It was early, anyway. I had clean sheets on my bed, so it was wonderful to get in it, and I fell asleep almost instantly.

I left the bedroom door open, because I've found out that Tyke pretty much stays there anyway for most of the night and doesn't get into trouble in the rest of the apartment. He's right beside the bed when I wake up. That's good, because I prefer sleeping with the door open. I don't like to be in a room with the door closed.

I've got a bit of claustrophobia that I've learned to live with really well and I do see the need for closed doors. I mean, there are circumstances under which a door needs to be closed, but all the doors in the apartment are open and I even go to the bathroom with the door open so all the animals can go with me.

I woke up very early in the morning and had a glass of milk first for the thirst, but then realized that I really did need that cup of coffee to function well and get the last bit of sleep out of my mind. It did its job and I soon performed up to par, so a cup of coffee does have its uses. Then I took a long time deciding if I was going to have a second cup and finally decided that I would, but this will be my last one, because I'm more than fully awake now.

I remembered to get on the scale this morning and I have lost 3.5 kg since I have been on the new medication. So. if I want to get to the weight that's supposed to be perfect for me and my age, and that is reasonable, I have to lose 14 kg. I think that will happen automatically without me worrying about it. I'm not making any effort now and I'm not obsessed by it. I will remember to get on the scale every now and then and keep track of how I'm doing. I'm not going hungry, but have lost my appetite for food and am easily satisfied. The Nutella is taking care of my craving for something sweet to eat and it's nutritious too.

Drinking fruit juice makes me sad. I've had that suspicion for a while, but now I am sure of it. It seems like a strange theory, but it's true and I'm not going to drink it anymore, because I had clear proof of it yesterday. I drank a glass of it after I hadn't had it for a few days and was sad for a few hours afterwards. I didn't know how to undo it, but wait it out. It finally passed after I had something to eat and took my medicines. People can have an intolerance for food, but I wonder if that can also affect them emotionally. I have a feeling it can. I think wine makes me sad too.

I think it's because I feel so good now most of the time, that I notice it very quickly if I don't and can find the cause and effect quickly too. I think a lot of times emotions are nothing more than the chemical reactions that take place in your body and mind. Shortages and overdoses happen and your feelings are a result of that. Why else do we have alcoholic beverages and foods that are pleasurable and nicotine and drugs? We have pleasure centers in our brains with chemicals that make us feel good. If you have a shortage there, you're not going to feel so good and you'll eat a chocolate bar to feel better, or have a drink, or sniff cocaine or any number of things. In my case, some of those things make me feel bad. They have an adverse effect.

This morning, very early, I heard all the birds sing as they woke up. I could hear them clearly, because all the windows are open at the top and that really does make a difference. It's a shame that their chirping doesn't last longer, because it's so cheerful and I would love to live in a wood and hear all the birds wake up. I can't identify any bird by sound, except the mockingbird, and he doesn't live in this country. We used to have one in our front garden in Costa Mesa and I always liked listening to him.

I've taken my medicines a while ago and high time it was too, though I may be reacting to that second cup of coffee. Maybe I shouldn't have had it, not being used to so much caffeine now. It makes you jittery. It's much better to just stick to the one cup. These are lessons you learn as you go along. You realize what sort of junk you put in your body and how unnecessary that is. More is not better. If one cup works well, than two cups don't work better.

It's cloudy and 12C outside. It's only going to be 13C today, not as nice as yesterday, but still in the double digits. We must remain optimistic and I have the windows open and the heater turned off after all. Oh, I just looked at the 10 day forecast and it doesn't look very good at all. I will be closing the windows again and turning on the heater. Darn, that's a shame. March is not very willing. We'll have to wait until April for the good weather.

I'm going to take Tyke for a walk. He doesn't know that yet and is sound asleep here by my feet. He's already had his breakfast and is now digesting it.

Have a great day!

Ciao,
Nora

Post-short sleep.

I talked to my therapist over the phone yesterday and she really wanted me to come to our appointment at 9 o'clock this morning, because she thought it was important that we talk about things. She said, "Just set you alarm on your mobile phone and it will wake you up." So okay, I looked up the alarm clock function and set it for 7 am, picked a nice tune and everything and that was it.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to go to the bathroom and wasn't done sleeping at all, but when I got back into bed, I started worrying about the alarm going off and if I set it right and if I would hear it, because I was so sleepy that I would not wake up on my own and I would sleep until the late hours of the morning. Finally, I was too concerned to sleep and half awake I got up out of bed and went to the kitchen to make myself a mug of coffee, which I thought would help me chase the sleep from my mind.

Well, it did a little bit, but then I turned on the computer and having your brain put to work always takes care of whatever cobwebs there are left in your head and I properly woke up. I spent my time emailing and after that I took my medicines and got dressed, after careful consideration, and took Tyke for a walk. We went the long way, because we had time, and I figured the fresh air would do me good, because I was starting to cave in a little bit.

I had one more cup of coffee when we got home and then it was time for me to leave. I walked over there and actually felt quite tired and I was just at the point that I was not quite staggering down the sidewalk. On top of that, I had a sore toe from having worn my hiking boots and it made me walk a bit funny. I need to not wear those hiking boots anymore, but give them to the second hand clothing store and buy myself a new pair when my toe heals.

Anuway, I got to my therapist's office almost too late and I ran into her while she was looking for me. Luckily, she saw right away that I needed a cup of coffee and had one for me within half a minute. She's a very good therapist.

Amongst other things, we have made a plan for Friday afternoon, when I have to go see my contact person at the Social Security Offices. I am meeting my therapist at her office and we are going over there together and she is going into the interview with me as a back up and a helper. She will help me get some points across and help me ask questions and answer them also. It was her idea, because I'm always having to do everything by myself, and she wants me to get the experience over and done with, because it has been postponed so many times. The deal is, that afterwards I have to take the bus home by myself, because she wants me to do something that requires some independence and assertive action. I can't argue with that.

Then I walked all the way home, feeling a bit uplifted, but still with a sore toe, and I was planning on taking a nap when I got there. Tyke was beside his usual self when I walked in the door and he had been as good as gold. I think all he does is wait for me to get home while I'm gone and he waits to be naughty until I'm back.

I was having a glass of cold milk and a couple of teaspoons of Nutella, when the intercom rang. It was the Exfactor who had himself walked all the way from the station with a sore knee. He has hurt it in the motorcycle accident he had last year and now it is a knee that keeps bothering him. There's some damage to the cartilage, I think. He had brought two semolina puddings with berry sauce for me. I said, "You have to take those home. I don't eat those anymore." He looked very disappointed, so I accepted them. He's always bringing me fattening foods. I'm sure there is a deeper psychological reason for that. I don't have to eat them, of course.

So we had our regular political and sociological discussion and we talked about the animals, but we always do really well when we discuss politics. We solve a lot of problems and they ought to let us sit in parlement. We would know what to do and I'm sure we would have everything straightened out in no time. If only they made me prime minister for a year or two. I would be a firm ruler. I'd push all my measures through with an iron fist. They'd call me Iron Nora. Ha! If only it were that simple. I'd run a one woman show.

The Exfactor stayed for three cups of coffee, which I thought was very nice of him and which I know comes with his realization that I need the company and the conversation. I'm short on both and I need to do something about that. Wanted: smokers who drink coffee and like to discuss politics and animals. If only these were the times of the brown cafés. Those were the days. Coffee, cigarettes, newspapers, good conversations, long afternoons. I'm living my middle age in the wrong era. I'm ripe for -isms and I don't know where they are.

After the Exfactor left, I took the dog for another walk and we ran into another little dog that was very much interested in a more extended meeting, but his owner didn't have the patience, much to Tykes disappointment. He likes all dogs and is so happy to see one. He wants to run after them and follow them home to play with. He also likes kids a lot and when we pass the school, and it is playtime, he won't leave the fence. He stands there until at least some kids come up to it and pet him through the rails and then I can't get him away from there, except to drag him by his leash. I feel like a real bully then.

I have to do my income taxes for 2009. It's not going to be too complicated and I can do it on line. I just have to fill in some numbers that I have at hand, but I'm putting it off. Anything to do with taxes causes aggrevation, don't you think? I's not like I'm going to get money back. That would be a big surprise. It's just the darn officialness of it, though the tax people try to be as accessable as they can be. They are extremely helpful on the phone and very efficient. I had to pay for 2008, because I was married for part of that year, though not as much as I had feared. Let's hope 2009 goes better. As far as I know, I was poor enough.

I'm having a good day so far, No sorry mood has gotten a hold of me yet. I haven't had my nap yet, but it may still happen. There have been no potholes in the road.

Have a good day. It rained during the night, but it's been dry all day and now I have to see if the laundry is dry.

Ciao,
Nora

Naps!

I was feeling a bit down and out this afternoon and that was not at all in my line of expectations, of course. I wanted to consistently feel good now and not have any dips. Luckily, after a while, I realized that what I needed was a nap, so I laid down on the sofa and took one. When I woke up an hour and a half later, I felt better and was awake just in time to take my medicines. I'm still yawning and I still need more sleep, but I'm saving that for tonight when I go to bed. I woke up because I thought there was someone at the door, but I must have imagined it. I thought I heard the buzzer of the outside door, but when I answered the intercom, there was no one there.

Yesterday evening a neighbor came by my door twice insisting that a package for him had been delivered at my apartment yesterday afternooon and I kept saying that it had not been because I had not been home myself. He was highly ticked off and at me too, I think. Somehow I had to magically make a package appear. He's a bit of a strange neighbor anyway, so I don't take it personally. He'll have to call the delivery people and find out what happened to it. He hasn't come back yet. Phew!

I'm having a wonderful glass of cold milk. I can't get enough of it. I had a cup of coffee to wake up with, but I prefer this glass of milk. I would like some short bread cookies to go with it, but alas, I will forego those. When I next go to the store, I'm going to buy myself a pot of Nutella, maybe two, and eat from those with a little teaspoon. Mmm...nutritious! And delicious! I'm looking forward to it very much. I can't eat a lot of it all at once because of my gastric band, so it limits the amount of bad I can do at one sitting. Well, I don't even sit down. I stand up by the kitchen counter and eat it. You take in less calories that way, you know!

It's freezing outside and partly cloudy. I don't want to go outside. I will let Tyke do his business out back. I really don't like the cold, especially not now anymore when it has lasted so long. I think we all need a proper spring day with pleasant temperatures and sunshine.

Oh lord, I'm yawning so very much. I don't want to go to bed yet. It is much too early. I must amuse myself here a little while longer. I have to lock my evil dog into the bedroom with me so he doesn't do any bad things while I sleep. I don't know if he will like that, but that's the way it's going to be. Him and all his toys.

Have a nice evening. I will try come and visit your blogs. If I don't fall asleep on the keyboard.

Ciao,
Nora