Sunday, July 06, 2014

On the opposite side of life

I want to live on the opposite side of my cancer and not embrace the fact that I have it at all. I will acknowledge it, but not identify with it and and become one with it like some self help books suggest that you do. And even if I say I acknowledge it, I only do so barely with hardly an introduction at all. I will keep myself busy with it on the days that I have appointments and treatments, but the rest of the time, I will try to put it out of my mind. Except for when I sit down to write about it here, of course. I do need to vent about it now and then. 

I am not planning on having long discussions about my cancer with other people or to bring it up in a conversation unless there is no other way around it. I will not choose it as a subject to talk about. There are several other things I do as a rule not talk about, so I do have some practice at this. You would be surprised at how easy it is not to talk about things. 

I am so sure about this because this is my state of mind now, but it could change, of course. That is still a woman's prerogative the last time I looked. Maybe that is a prejudiced point of view and it is a man's prerogative also. 

In the morning I want to wake up and get out of bed and think about my first cup of coffee. That's what  I want to be on my mind and I am going to make damn sure that it is. I want to enjoy all the good days that I have and especially every moment that is pain free and I am not going to waste my time sitting around moping because I have cancer. It is just like any other illness nowadays and it doesn't necessarily have to kill me. It is possible that I am in denial, but I would not be better of if I were not. 

Besides, I promise not to be in denial on the days that I have the appointments and the treatments. I will be as engaged as I can be and ask questions and look things up. 


Rob-bear said...

You've taken a very interesting approach to living with your cancer. It is acknowledged, but It's not getting much time spent on it. Your plan to not sit about moping is wonderful. If he's not too troublesome, do let Tyke take you for walks. Or your bicycle take you for little jaunts.

Blessings and Bear hugs, Irene!

Wisewebwoman said...

Thanks for sharing this journey with us and your management of it.

You are in direct contrast with a friend who became his cancer and used it to leverage trips and extended stays with others and kept talking about it. And talking about it even still though he is in remission. It is like it gave his life importance for the first time.

You inspire me. You really do.