I want to live on the opposite side of my cancer and not embrace the fact that I have it at all. I will acknowledge it, but not identify with it and and become one with it like some self help books suggest that you do. And even if I say I acknowledge it, I only do so barely with hardly an introduction at all. I will keep myself busy with it on the days that I have appointments and treatments, but the rest of the time, I will try to put it out of my mind. Except for when I sit down to write about it here, of course. I do need to vent about it now and then.
I am not planning on having long discussions about my cancer with other people or to bring it up in a conversation unless there is no other way around it. I will not choose it as a subject to talk about. There are several other things I do as a rule not talk about, so I do have some practice at this. You would be surprised at how easy it is not to talk about things.
I am so sure about this because this is my state of mind now, but it could change, of course. That is still a woman's prerogative the last time I looked. Maybe that is a prejudiced point of view and it is a man's prerogative also.
In the morning I want to wake up and get out of bed and think about my first cup of coffee. That's what I want to be on my mind and I am going to make damn sure that it is. I want to enjoy all the good days that I have and especially every moment that is pain free and I am not going to waste my time sitting around moping because I have cancer. It is just like any other illness nowadays and it doesn't necessarily have to kill me. It is possible that I am in denial, but I would not be better of if I were not.
Besides, I promise not to be in denial on the days that I have the appointments and the treatments. I will be as engaged as I can be and ask questions and look things up.