Sunday, February 05, 2012

Gosh darned dog...

Yeah, he woke me up again out of a sound sleep. Who said a dog is a woman's best friend? I see no evidence of it tonight. Sure, he´s sound asleep now on the sofa, but he should have been half an hour ago when I was still sound asleep in my bed. I´m not amused. 

I´m having a cup of coffee so I can think clearly and make sense. I´m not having a cigarette, though at this moment I do wish for one. That´s how frustrated I am. I will get over it, though, without smoking because that will be the last thing I´ll do. The other night I dreamed I smoked a cigarette and when I woke up, I felt as bad as if I had had one. That will cure you of your desire for one. 

Tonight I laid down in bed and did breathing exercises. I breathed in and out as deeply as I could without getting dizzy. I did a fairly good job at that and much better than I have in the past, showing marked improvement. I do think my lung capacity is improving.

I´m greatly relieved that the weekend is over and don´t ever let me make the claim that I like the weekends. I will be highly misguided if I do. They are a horror to get through. Somehow I manage it because I must, but don´t ask me how. I took many naps and they saved my life. I would not be sane if I had not taken them.

I think I´m grumpy because I´ve quit smoking. There is no other explanation. I´m almost constantly in a bad mood. I don´t find much joy in anything.

I have to go back to bed and hope that the dog lets me sleep now. I hope he doesn´t get it in his head to wake me up again. I do so need my sleep. 

Thank god that tomorrow is Monday. It will be a normal day again and there will be people here. 

Have a good night.


Saturday, February 04, 2012

For no reason at all...

For no reason that I can think of I'm very happy right now. This comes after having been somewhat down in the dumps all day, although that gives the impression that I was depressed and I wasn't that. Let's just say that my grumpy mood from yesterday wasn't over yet. I'm like a bear disturbed in her winter sleep and all I want to do is hibernate until springtime. I think that is the proper description for me lately. 

But this minute I feel good. I actually feel like I'm in a proper enough mood to feel some optimism and to not look at the day as one long dreary stretch of time that needs to get through somehow in the best possible way. That sounds torturous, doesn't it? And it is. I'm not enjoying that at all. 

You should see me try to get through the day in my own convoluted way. I'm like a circus lion jumping through hoops and will do anything to make the day go by as quickly as possible. I'm hopelessly short of imagination, though, and I fail in making it as amusing as I can. I can only think of the most boring and the least painful ways to manage. But I do make it in the end anyway and that is the most important thing. 

I guess that's why I'm so relieved at the end of the day when I feel like I've completed another gargantuan task. No wonder that it makes me feel so happy. All I have to do is make it through the short evening and go to bed. The night is easy enough to get through. And really, once I have my pajamas and bathrobe on, I feel that anything is easier. It's the same as wearing lounge wear and being dismissed from the job. It's like being on vacation. 

Oh yes, I started on the lower dose nicotine patches today and don't notice one bit of difference. The packaging was the same but the patches are smaller. I wondered how they were going to deal with that. What an ingenious solution. I will be on this dose for a week and then I move on to step 3. I suppose those patches will be even smaller. That will be the last step and then I will be without and on my own. I'll be ready for it. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening and that you won't be bored jumping through your own hoops. 


Friday, February 03, 2012

Friday afternoon...

I just woke up from a big old nap and I think I'm in a good enough mood now to try and write a post. I've been seriously lacking in good humor and whatever post I tried to write I had to delete because I was not happy with it. It think it is very possible that I was just plain grumpy all this time and that nothing at all made me happy. It's good to own up to this and to not beat around the bush. When grumpy, admit that you are. It's the easiest way to get back to feeling normal.

Well, I'm glad I got that settled. Everything in life should be that easy. It is when you only have yourself to deal with. It's another story all together when you have to take other people into the equation. Not that I'm having a particular problem with anyone. It's just a general sort of observation I'm making. 

Today is the 12th day since I stopped smoking and I'm still going strong. I still feel the urge to smoke now and then but it's getting decidedly less. I haven't climbed any walls yet. It's gone amazingly easy, I think. Those nicotine patches are wonderful and have really saved my life. I'm sure I would not be doing as well without them. Tomorrow I start on a lesser dose. I will be curious to see if my body is going to notice the difference. I don't really expect any problems. 

It has just started to snow outside. On the news earlier today they said it would and to expect a lot. I still have to walk the dog and I will be taking him out shortly. He loves the snow but show me a dog that doesn't. He pushes his nose into it as far as it will go and breathes deeply. He's like a hippo underwater.

I suppose I should be happy that it's Friday again. I am somewhat. I hope the weekend is going to be interesting enough. I have the feeling that I will be taking lots of naps unless something unexpected happens. Naps always save my life. That and good television. 

Have a good weekend yourselves.


Wednesday, February 01, 2012

In total good health...

I had a doctor's appointment at the god awful hour of eight o'clock this morning. I don't rightly know how that happened either. Somehow I got talked into it. It turned out not to be too bad, really, and it did make for a good start of the day. The doctor has a cheerful personality and a friendly face so she is nice to see first thing in the morning. 

The good news is that I don't have a vitamin deficiency, or anemia, or an infection, or a incorrect thyroid hormome level. All I have is a minor cold and a chronically upset stomach for which she is now prescribing the medication permanently. I'm happy because it alows me to eat more with less problems. 

My cold is just a minor issue. My lungs sound clear and I'm just a little congested. The doctor was very impressed with the fact that I'd stopped smoking after having smoked for so long and so much. She said I should be proud of myself. I said I was. She also said I should treat myself nicely. I said I was doing that too. I don't think we need to worry about that.

I'm just glad there's nothing else wrong with me. I'm in good health and that's my main concern. I have some nodules on the lymph glands in the back of my neck, but they are not anything to be concerned about. It's good to know that. I was a little worried about them. 

I felt awfully relieved when I left there and walked home. I felt like I had a new lease on life, especially after hearing that my lungs were clear. You don't excpect that after all those years of smoking. I suppose I will have pink and squeaky clean lungs yet. 

This is a new doctor for me. She is kind and very young and I have a huge amount of confidence in her. She shares the office with the original doctor who took over the practice when the two old doctors retired. I think I will have this young doctor be my main carer always. I've got to make it a point to make all my appointments with her. Seeing as though I seldom have an emergency, this should always be possible.

I've got to hang up the laundry to dry and do the dishes. I'm trying to be industrious today. It's quite cold outside but I've got the heater turned up. At least in here it's comfortable. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.