Saturday, July 31, 2010

Saturday morning...

Toby is not at all better, but considering the circumstances, he is doing as well as can be expected. He is still lying in the paper box on an old towel and the litter box is right beside it. He manages to use it as long as I clean it right away. He balances precariously on it and a lot of times he falls over, but he tries his best anyway.

He lets me know when he is thirsty or hungry and I bring the food and water to him. He has to keep himself from toppling over while he eats and drinks. He is more hydrated now and his coat looks better, but he's still not grooming himself and all he does basically is sleep.

I don't know if he's in any pain, though I assume he is, because he's very uncomfortable when he's not in the paper box for some reason. It's his refuge. He moans when he's not in it. I think it's inevitable that he's put out of his misery on Monday, although it is a hard decision to make and I could go on indefinitely this way with him. It's not fair to him, though, and would only serve to spare my feelings.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Update on Toby...

My cat Toby suddenly developed neurological problems that quickly went from bad to worse. He is unable to walk without falling over or to stand up. He can't eat or drink unaided and spends all of his time lying in the recyclable paper box. He doesn't groom himself and has lost a lot of weight.

The Exfactor took him to the vet and the vet said that an infection might be the cause, although there were no obvious signs of one and he is not running a fever. He gave him an antibiotic shot and we will know within 48 hours if it works. The vet is afraid, though, that Toby has permanent brain damage and that he will have to be put to sleep.

Toby is nine years old and I suppose he is old enough to develop problems. Still, you don't really expect them and not out of the blue.

I try to make him as comfortable as possible and get him to drink water and eat whenever he shows the least bit of interest. I constantly have him in view from my perch at the computer and on the sofa. Tyke goes and checks on him regularly. He definitely knows that something is really wrong.

I feel like I'm nursing a sick family member and am afraid to leave him on his own, because he tries to move about but is so incapable. He falls over every time he tries to get up and falls out of the box. He can't get the water and food on his own, I have to anticipate all of that. I also have to put him on the litter box.

That's how the situation is now. Maybe there will be improvement soon. You never know. Antibiotics have been known to do miracles. That's what I'm counting on.



Toby is lying in the used paper box. I think he is dying and the Exfactor is taking him to the vet today. He is quickly getting worse and losing his faculties. I won't go into a descriptive tale of his disabilities because it makes me sad, but he suddenly became very ill. He'll probably have to be put to sleep. He's only able to drink some water with a lot of support.

That kind of puts a damper on things, doesn't it? It's hard to be cheerful when you have that on your mind.

I've just put a thick towel beneath him and got him to eat a small bowl of kibbles. Maybe there is a slight improvement? I dare not hope for one. He seems more comfortable. Maybe I can nurse him back to good health.

Anyway, this was just a sign of life, to let you know I'm still here, but preoccupied. I'll write more later today.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010


The mistake I made, was in thinking that the opposite of being happy was being depressed. In other words, I was thinking in black and whites and not allowing myself any gray areas. I realize now that it isn't a question of pure opposites. When you aren't quite happy, there are a number of moods that you can find yourself in and none of them have to be depressed necessarily.

You can be angry or irritated or contemplative or melancholy, but in all these moods you can address important aspects of your life that get neglected when you are only in a "happy" mood. Or when you force yourself to feel elated or joyful. For example, when you are in an irritated mood, you may finally do something about some issues that need your attention that you have been neglecting, because you have been too mellow and "happy" to pay attention to them. If you're angry, you may rectify a situation that is unjust and that has been nagging at the back of your mind for some time, but that you've been feeling too good for to rectify.

Even if you only solve the problem in your own head, it will bring you a step forward to gaining peace and understanding. You don't have to go out and settle scores with everybody. You don't immediately have to have the answers to all the problems. The point is that an issue has made itself known to you and you spent time contemplating it. Sometimes that is enough. If there are practical solutions, then apply them, but don't be like an avenging crusader with a sword. Don't set the world to rights.

The point is, though, that being not happy doesn't mean automatically that you're sad. It just means that you're something different and there's nothing wrong with that.

Well, that's all the wisdom you're going to get out of me this night. Of course, I've slept already and am up again, but I'm going to bed again shortly. At least, that's the plan. Until that time I may find all sorts of interesting things to do.

Have a good morning when you wake up, or a good night is you're still awake.


Monday, July 26, 2010

The real thing...

Things go a lot better once you stop artificially pumping up your feelings to a level of elation and joyfulness you try to achieve to get into the bright eyed and bushy tailed mood you think you're supposed to be in. For some reason, It was very important to me to always appear cheerful and happy, like a clown with a big smile permanently plastered on his face, and when I didn't achieve this, I subconsciously altered my feelings to try and get myself into the corresponding mood. When I failed, I became depressed and not a little bit. Everything must be wrong with the world if I could not achieve cheerfulness.

Yesterday I decided to stop doing that. To stop artificially feeling something else than what I was really feeling and I'm going to do that every day. I'm going to take inventory every morning and ask myself how I truly feel and not just blindly that I now, this minute, need to be elated and joyful. That I need to exist on a higher plane, dislocated from the real world.

If I am not quite happy, which in reality a lot of times I am not, then so be it. That's the state I will find myself in that day and that is how I will function, because I will not stop functioning. Being not quite happy will at least be closer to reality and maybe it will give me a chance to improve the things that need to be improved. That I'm not quite happy with. Maybe it will wipe out the extreme short term thinking that I do and make me see things more in a wider, longer term perspective. At least it will place me with both my feet firmly planted on the ground.

So, that's the state of mind I find myself in on this very cool and cloudy Monday morning. It's 15C (59F) and I'm certainly not complaining about the weather. I will wear my denim jacket when I walk the dog, which is really too big on me and I should buy another one, but that's of later concern. Next month maybe.

It rained a little bit last night and it's supposed to rain today, but you know how I feel about the promises of the weather people. I'll believe it when I see it. The weather is very fickle and you can't depend on the forecast.

Tyke tells me it is time to go for a walk, so I'll pay attention to him and go. He is right, it is time.

Have a good day, people.


Sunday, July 25, 2010

Not quite...

I'm trying to decide if it's okay to be not quite happy today. I've thought about it since I got up this morning, when I first tried to deny very bravely that there was anything wrong. I wanted to be upbeat and thought I could talk myself into it, but it was like rolling a stone uphill. Do I let go of the stone and watch it roll down hill? Yes, I think I will do that and stop wasting the effort of holding on to it.

Instead of letting that get me down, I got up and did my chores. I figured that was better to do than sitting around and moping about it. Once I've decided I'm in a not quite happy mood, I'm not going to get all miserable about that. I'll just let it be. It is like having a minor summer cold. It's only somewhat disconcerting.

I have some chores left to do and I'm in the mood to do them too. I'm actively looking for things to do. I want to prevent myself from hanging around with time on my hands. I've just folded a load of laundry and hung up another load to dry. I've put away some clothes that I'd worn this week and put some in the laundry, which will mean that soon I will have another load to wash.

Despite the fact that I had cleaned the Senseo machine with a bottle of vinegar, it has started to leak again and I discovered a big puddle of coffee underneath it that was starting to spread over the kitchen counter. I'll have to run another bottle of vinegar through it to see if I can fix the problem. I cleaned up that mess, but I think the Senseo machine has seen its best days. I'll have to look into replacing it.

I've changed my bed and look forward tonight to clean smelling sheets. It will be a pleasure as always. Tyke "helped" me change the bed. He does that by jumping on it every time my back is turned to get another pillow case or when I'm right in the middle of putting on the bottom sheet and then I can´t get the fitted corners around the mattress. He probably thinks that we´re playing some sort of game.

I have to sweep the floors and clean the insides of the living room windows. Then I have to clean up turds from the patio. There are a few laying there. It´s always my favorite job. I handle them with great care and respect.

Gandhi brought home a dead mouse this morning. She was planning on devouring it in the corner of the living room. I noticed it on time, because Tyke walked over there and watched her with a great deal of curiosity. I chased her outside and, luckily, she didn´t come back with it later. I don´t want to have to clean up a half devoured mouse. I never know what to do with them anyway and end up throwing them in the green bin, although I don´t think I´m supposed to.

Off I go to do the rest of my chores. It will be an afternoon well spent.

Have a good Sunday.


Doing what comes natural...

Because I was bored stiff yesterday evening, and there was nothing interesting on television, I took my book and a glass of milk and went to bed at 8:30. I read for a little while, but even though it was still light outside, I was sound asleep in the shortest amount of time. Needless to say, I woke up four hours later, wide awake and ready to get up again. It seems that four hours of sleep are all I can manage at one time. Doubtlessly that is because my sleeping pill stops working after that much time and that's what wakes me up form my artificially induced slumber. I'm probably not tired enough to sleep through the night, having taken naps during the day. There, that's a good analysis of that problem. Now I won't worry about that anymore.

Now I'm sitting here drinking a tall glass of milk after having had 2 cups of coffee. I'm about to have another one, because it tastes so good and makes my stomach feel full. There's no need to eat after drinking that much milk.

A few days ago I ordered a summer dress on line for half price. It arrived yesterday. It is very flattering and I ordered it in a size bigger than I usually wear because my size was not available. Because it's such a loose fitting dress, that's not so obvious and it fits nice and comfortably, which makes me think that it's may be better to wear loose fitting dresses in a bigger size. It hides all my bits and bumps and I can wear it with a pair of leggings. I like myself in it. I was buying tighter fitting dresses in a smaller size, but always very conscious of my body and I am not in this dress. To celebrate that bit of newly gained wisdom, I have ordered two more dresses and another pair of leggings and a pair of harem pants that I can also wear in the wintertime. I figured I deserved that much. It's a kind deed I've done for myself.

Since I think I don't do enough kind deeds for myself, I think I am entitled to one every now and then. I hardly ever spend any money on myself. I don't do anything for myself that costs money, except go to the hairdresser every six weeks or so to get my hair cut. I don't go out for meals, I don't go to the movies, I don't go to the museum, I don't take the bus. All I do is pinch pennies. I always think of what else I can do with every euro I spend. I guess I get real tired of denying myself things all of the time. That's why this time I said, "To hell with it," and ordered the things I wanted.

Now I'm going back to bed. I feel that I can sleep some more. There is the lure of the book and the lure of the soft pillows and the duvet.

Have a happy Sunday.


Saturday, July 24, 2010


I'm not ready to go to bed yet. I want to stay up and sit here in the quiet night a while longer and enjoy the company of the sleeping animals. Tyke is curled up in the arm chair and Gandhi is lying on the sofa. Toby is stretched out on the kitchen counter.

Of course, the moment I wrote that down, they all woke up and demanded attention. The cats wanted kibbles and milk and Tyke wanted to go out back and have a rawhide chewy. I took care of that and everyone is settled down again. They went back to their same places and seem very comfortable. I think they're in it for the long haul now.

I stood by the back door in my skimpy sun dress and enjoyed the very cool night air. It felt so good on my bare skin and I wished for it to be that way during the day. It's the wrong time of year to wish for that, though. Nowadays we always have hot summers. That's got to do with the climate change. I would like to live somewhere where the summers are cool and the winters are mild. Can anyone tell me of such a place?

We had a tiny little thunderstorm this afternoon and two and a half drops of rain fell. It was not the shower we had looked forward to. It was a cool enough day, so that was a blessing, but despite the fact that I had all the windows open, I could not get it cooled down enough in the apartment. It is still warm in here now. It's too bad that I can only leave the top windows open on a crack during the night, because it doesn't help much. Barely any cool air comes in.

The usual suspects showed up today. The Exfactor and my personal helper and the domestic help. The weekend started properly for me when everyone was gone in the afternoon. I'm blessed with the help, but I'm also happy when I'm on my own again. I was left with an easy mind and a clean apartment and took a nap on the sofa. That was my way of getting ready for the weekend.

No doubt I'll be taking a lot of naps. My sleep schedule is screwed up again and I'm sleeping at odd times. I have to try and get some order into it, but I can't seem to manage the self discipline it requires. I'm like a man in a cave without daylight who makes up his own schedule. I'm almost ignoring daylight and nighttime and I'm sleeping when I feel like it, although I do try to be more mobile during the day. It's when I have to walk the dog.

I had a big bowl of porridge for dinner and my stomach is very bloated and I have a lot of gas. I look like I'm about to deliver a baby. I hardly eat wheat products anymore and I wonder if I tolerate them at all. The only wheat product I really eat is porridge and I eat it once in a while. I always have the same reaction to it. I think I better stick to fresh fruit for roughage. The fruit juice also has a lot of pulp in it. I think I'm ready for another basket of strawberries and maybe some mandarin oranges. I'll have to send the Exfactor to the Turkish fruit and vegetable man when he's here next.

I've just taken my sleep medication, so I'll end this epistle and wish for sleep. I hope you all have a nice night and a good morning when you wake up.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

An indefinite time...

It seems that exercise is the best thing for a backache. I have been taking Tyke for longer walks today and as a result my back is hurting less and I have not taken any pain medication. Walking, not any huge distances, seems to loosen up my muscles and realign my upper body.

On the other hand, sitting behind the computer freezes me up and causes me to have pain after a while. So I have to limit my time behind it, but I definitely feel better today than I did yesterday. That certainly makes me feel good. And not taking the pain medication does too.

It's nice when a problem is solved so simply and quite by accident. I just kept walking this morning because it felt good and it was nice and cool outside. I had no reason to take a short cut and go home. Tyke enjoyed himself and I was fine.

The day has gone by amazingly fast, although I did take a nap on the sofa. That was necessary for my good mood. I felt my good humor slipping just a little bit and knew it was due to a shortage of sleep. When I woke up, everything was in fine working condition again.

The nicest thing is that I never have to worry about what my hair looks like after a nap. It's always in place and indestructible. All I really ever have to do is rub a hand over it to get the wee hairs on the side into the right direction. It's the easiest hairdo I've ever had. I don't know if it's the most flattering haircut I've ever had, I'm sure there are more feminine, but I'm beyond those things, just like I'm beyond make up. I wore some make up the other day, just to see what it was like, but I wiped it off in a very short amount of time. I felt like a Jezebel and hardly recognized myself. I'm so used to my face without it now.

I ran a bottle of vinegar through the Senseo machine. It was in bad need of it and I had neglected to do it on time. I don't know why. I had the vinegar in the kitchen cupboard and all I had to do was apply it. It's not as if it is the hardest job in the world. I seem to have a hard time doing things that are basically very uncomplicated. In my mind I remember them as being very bothersome, when in reality they are not at all.

I have a kick start problem. I need a good kick in the rear end sometimes. There's no one here to give me one.

I've started a new Inspector Linley thriller called "Careless in Red." I just started reading it, so I can't say much about it yet, but it's a hardbound book and it's hard to read in bed. I have to lay it down beside my pillow and lean my head on one hand to read it. That's how I fall asleep and I have a very sore wrist when I wake up in that position later in the night. With my sleepy head, I'm only aware of great discomfort and I try to get out of it as soon as I can, but seem unable to. I can't move my arm and my head and am stuck in that position and all I can think is what pain I'm in and why am I and why can't I do anything about it? It takes a while for the reality of the situation to sink in and for me to figure out which movements I have to make to get out of it.

I wore my watch for one day only, but that was long enough to give me an allergic reaction to the metal band. I don't know what it is made of, but there must be some metal in it that I don't tolerate. I have a rash around my left wrist that itches something awful. I have to try and not scratch it, but it's hard not to. It feels so good when it itches. Actually, I'd rather not wear a watch. It does feel confining and I only roughly need to know what time it is. I'll depend on the goodness of other people who wear one when I'm out and about.

I've got to stop sitting here now. I have to hang up the next load of laundry, because the first load is dry. One of these days I'll get it all done.

Have a good evening.


With a cup of coffee...

I've done some more searching for Tyke's photographs, but I'm still not able to find them. I can't take a new one of him now, because it is dark and I don't want to use the flash because it gives him red eyes. I'll take some later today when there's enough daylight in the apartment. Besides, he is sound asleep on the sofa and I don't want to disturb his beauty sleep.

He's truly beautiful and I'm in love with him. I still can't take my eyes off him, although I'm used to how he looks now. Imagine being enamored with your own dog. It's such a pleasure that I truly enjoy. I've never had a boyfriend as nice.

I can cuddle Tyke all day long and not get enough of it. He doesn't wear me out like people do. He's like having a little kid. They're the best kind of people to have around, especially if they are your own. I guess Tyke is just like my child and he allows me to feel unadulterated feelings of love and he gives them in return too. People really do get attached to their pets.

I take pain medication every 6 hours or so. Sometimes I don't wait quite that long and I'm forced to take it sooner. It does help and takes away the worst of the pain and that is a great relief. It makes the difference between being comfortable enough or not. The worst of the pain is in the top half of my back where I have a mild form of scoliosis. It spreads to my shoulders and is very exhausting.

I try to remember to sit up as straight as possible when I sit behind the computer and to not slouch. I push my back against the back of the chair and sit with both buns firmly planted in the seat. Subconsciously, you take on a different position, probably to get more comfortable, although in the long run that doesn't work out. I have keep returning to the proper way to sit and realign my body. It really helps if I keep my hips straight under my spine and line everything up, including my shoulders and my head.

It's starting to be morning. I have been up a good deal of the night. The rain that was promised yesterday and last night never materialized. We did have lots of clouds move in, but nothing came of it. It's going to be cloudy again today, but no rain is forecast. It's supposed to be a cooler day today, but they said that yesterday too and it was warm enough and humid.

Despite my backache, I'm going to take Tyke for a walk in a while in the coolness of the early morning air. The day is best at dawn. His Majesty does need his outing and I can stand the fresh air too. It will be nice after sitting here all this time behind the computer screen, smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. First I'm going to have a tall glass of milk to quench my thirst and do something healthy. When I come back I'll have a tall glass of multi vitamin juice. It's the simple things in life that you have to reward yourself with.

Have a good day.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Tyke, the smooth dog.

I just got finished transferring my before and after pictures of Tyke from the camera to the computer and all went well, I thought, until I went to look for them and could not find them anywhere. They have disappeared. I have searched high and low, but I don't know what happened to them.

This has never happened to me before. Suffice it to say that I am pretty disgusted and not in the mood to take another picture of Tyke if that's the way the system is going to work today. Somewhere along the line something went wrong and I'll have to figure out what it was. I'm not amused in the least.

Now, you will have to use your imagination. So, picture an extremely curly haired, fluffy, over sized, barrel chested, ragamuffin of a dog in which you hardly recognize the shape of him anymore. Everything is big because of all the hair, including the paws.

Then imagine a smooth, slender, fine boned, short haired, elegant dog, who doesn't look like Tyke, but answers to the name.

I've spent two hours this afternoon doing nothing but looking at him in amazement and trying to come to grips with the fact that this is my dog. We've also spent a lot of time bonding with each other, as that was very necessary after his big adventure at the trim salon. So, I looked at him in amazement and he kept putting his paw on my hand so I wouldn't forget to pet him. That's what we have been doing.

I walked him over to the trim salon this morning and it was quite a distance. It took me 40 minutes to get there, it was a little further away than I had thought. By the time I came home again, I was a wreck. I had pain in my back in three places and had to sit down and not move anymore. I realized that I would not be able to get up in an other hour and make the long walk back.

First I took a paracetamol with codeine for the pain. My back is my big weakness because it's so crooked and things always have a tendency to go wrong with it when I exert myself. Then I called the Exfactor and asked him if he could go and get Tyke back for me. Luckily, he said yes and came right over. I gave him the money and instructions on how to get there (just beyond the church and the sex shop, beside the bakery) and he went on his way.

He was back a lot quicker than I could have been, because he takes bigger steps and is in much better condition and walks twice as fast. He had quite a surprise for me at the end of the leash when he came back. Tyke couldn't get into the apartment fast enough. It was like he was being chased by the devil. He must have thought that I had abandoned him forever. That's why we're doing all this bonding.

You'll have to excuse me. I want to tell you more, but my back is really hurting a lot. I just took another pain pill. I can't sit behind the computer anymore. I'm going to have to shut it off and lie down.

I'll be back tomorrow.


Good morning!

At the risk of sounding repetitive, I have to tell you that I had a good night's sleep. I went to bed early, which was mostly out of sheer boredom, and slept until 5:30 this morning. When I say I was bored, I mean that I had told myself that I couldn't park my rear end behind the computer, because I want to break myself of that bad habit. There will be no compulsive blogging and I want to set limits on the time I spend behind the computer doing unnecessary but time consuming activities.

I didn't want to watch television because, except for the news, there was nothing worth watching on and it does have an off button. That left me reading my book and I figured that I could do that just as well in bed as I could on the sofa and I would be more comfortable.

I'm at the end of it and I know who the perpetrator is. It wasn't a complete surprise, although I had not thought of him automatically and the story did have all sorts of twists and turns, some of which I was quite uncomfortable with. The guy who did it was completely nuts, but in a very dangerous and calculated way. I won't give the story away. You'll have to read the book yourself. I do recommend it.

I saw my SPN yesterday afternoon. The bike ride over there was hot. I think I got a tan in the short time it took me to get there. The sun was out and the temperature was high and there was no breeze to speak of.

Since I lead such a dull and uninteresting life, which is really causing me to feel somewhat depressed and futile, we have decided that I should start creative classes again on the days that I have no other activities. We have an idea of what's available, but we don't know what the waiting lists are like. My SPN is going to put in an application and I will hear about it and get an appointment for an intake.

I know it is absolutely necessary that I do this. I must take an interest in outside activities. I must get out of the apartment and do something creative and be around other people. I do have to do this in a safe environment. The classes will be at the psychiatric clinic that's a five minute bike ride away from my apartment, so I will not have to worry about it being too far away and not wanting to make the bike ride over there. I have to make everything as uncomplicated for myself as possible.

I'm glad that I've made this decision and I can wait as long as I have to for whatever space has to open up. Even if I just start with one day that will be alright. I hope to be able to go two or three days, but I will be happy with two.

Today it's not going to be a hot day for a change, because a cold weather system is moving in and we are expecting rain this afternoon and tomorrow. As long as it doesn't rain this morning I am happy, because I have to walk to the dog salon with Tyke. Little does he know what is awaiting him, but he will be a much happier dog afterwards. I have already taken his before picture and I will take his after picture also and post those.

I have to get dressed and take him for a walk now. He is telling me it is time and I can't ignore him. Out I go in the coolness of the early morning. It will be pleasant out there.

Have a good day.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

After a long night's sleep...

I managed to sleep from 10 o'clock last night until 6 o'clock this morning. I think that was partly because I was not at all interested in sitting behind the computer and doing anything blog related. As a matter of fact, I felt an aversion to my blog and my compulsion to keep wanting to change the design of it.

I think I keep wanting to change the design of it to make it a better blog, while I know that it doesn't depend on the appearance but on the contents.Lately I have felt that I don't have much of importance to say, yet I feel compelled to write to prove myself wrong. Every post looks alike and I feel that I'm only repeating myself post after post with the same unimportant ingredients.

I talk about how much I sleep and how much coffee I drink and about taking Tyke for walks. I actually lead a very boring life and from that I somehow have to put together a post that's interesting enough for people to want to read.

I think I'm not capable of doing it and the realization of it is hitting me hard and putting some fear into my heart. This makes me do things such as change the design every time I turn around. It also wants to make me change the title of my blog to fit the design I find.

Desperate people do desperate things, so I have decided instead not to be so fixated on my blog and to turn the computer off often during the day.

In the meantime, I have managed to get an appointment to have Tyke trimmed and bathed tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock. There was a cancellation and that's why I managed to get him in so quickly. Otherwise it would have taken much longer. It will be so nice to get that done, because he really looks like a raggedy dog now. He almost looks like he has dreadlocks.

I've just taken him for a walk and it was still lovely out. It was just the right temperature. The sun was not to hot and there was still a bit of a breeze. It's going to be a hot day today, though, and I'm not looking forward to that. I have to go see my SPN this afternoon and I have to go on my bike, but hopefully that will be pleasant, as I will catch a breeze while I ride it.

I'm going to finish doing the laundry now. I never did get done with that yesterday. I have no reason why I didn't. I just forgot about it.

Have a nice day.


Monday, July 19, 2010

Monday morning...

As you can see, I've changed the design of my blog. If the text is too small for you to read, go to the top left hand of your screen and click on "picture." Go to "zoom" and you will see the possibility to "zoom in." Click on that and the blog will get bigger. Repeat as necessary. There is no possibility for me to make the text bigger in the design. It does not give me that option. So, you have to row with the oars that you have, as we say in the Netherlands.

I went to bed at 3 am and woke up at 5:30, so that was not a heck of a lot of sleep. Still, I'm wide awake and functioning. How that is possible I don't know. I've had my two cups of coffee and am now drinking cold milk.

I've taken Tyke for a walk and it was nice and cool outside, but I didn't wear a jacket. It was almost too cold to go without one, but it was a pleasant experience after all the heat. It was still quiet outside, but now the street is full of traffic with parents are dropping their children off at school. This is their last week, they'll have vacation next week. Six weeks of it. It will be nice and quiet in the mornings without all the cars and bicycles and kids rushing to get to school on time.

I have to do some chores before the domestic help gets here. I've got a little organizing to do and two loads of laundry. It's a joy as always to look forward to. All I can say is, thank goodness for good smelling washing powder. It does make doing the laundry that much more pleasurable. I noticed when I made the bed that the sheets smelled good. Even I with my nicotine impaired sense of smell could tell the difference.

I've not taken my tranquilizers this morning and I don't feel the need to right now. I'm not planning on taking them unless I really feel that I have to. That is until I get so stressed that there is no other recourse. I'm not going to take them as a preventive measure. I want to see if I can do without. It's too easy to take them and be somewhat numbed by them and feel very little of what is going on around you. They make you lazy too. But I will take them if I need to. I will not be so foolish as not to.

Well, it's time to get going. I can hang up the laundry to dry out side today.

Have a nice day today.


A new post.

I went to bed early in the evening, in my cleanly made up bed, and read my book until I fell asleep. A huge tiredness had come over me and I had been unable to stay up to watch the news on television or sit behind the computer to read blogs. Of course, at 10:30 I woke up and was wide awake and completely not tired anymore. It had just been a nap that I had taken and not a full fledged sleep until the morning.

That's just my kind of bad luck, because I had every intention to not wake up until the sun came up again. It seems I'm not capable of such a feat. I'm doomed to be awake at least some part of the night and to never just sleep through it. I think possibly one of my ancestors may have been a night creature. You can make of that whatever you will.

And so I sit behind the computer again with a tall glass of milk and a cigarette. Tyke is lying by my feet. He has just torn apart a small cardboard container and the pieces are strewn all about him. I figured he was bored, so I let him. I'll clean it up later before I go to bed. Maybe he's not quite done with it yet. I see a larger piece that can be shredded some more.You have to let dogs be innovative sometimes.

I'm more than halfway through my thriller and I have to say that it has really got my attention. The suspects are being lined up, the net is being tightened and people are behaving suspiciously. Of course, I don't know who the killer is, but I know who I want it to be. Probably I've got it all wrong and it's going to turn out to be someone quite differently. I just dislike the person who I want it to be, so it comes down to prejudice. I'm in a hurry to finish it, but I keep falling asleep with it, because the only time I read it is in bed or on the sofa. Anytime I'm in a supine position, there's the danger of falling asleep. It doesn't matter what time of day it is.

It's a shame that the weekend is over. I was as lazy as it was possible to be. No doubt it was the lack of activity that made me unable to sleep enough during the night. Some strong hard labor would have taken care of that. I have to get up at a decent time in the morning because the Exfactor is going to be here to pick up a package and do the groceries. I also have to make a phone call to get Tyke trimmed and bathed. I don't want to put that off too long.

I have to get myself back into some sort of normal rhythm. Right now I'm wasting a lot of time doing nothing of importance. My days are very unstructured. I know that's not the right way to live my life. I have to get myself onto a schedule and do certain things at certain times of the day. It's to my own benefit if I do and to the benefit of Tyke as well, because I don't take him for regular walks right now. My negative mood and the hot weather have been the cause of that. Tomorrow I'll change that immediately. Both my mood and the weather have improved. It's only going to be 26C tomorrow. That's warm, but not too hot.

I have to make a decision about this blog design. I don't know if I'm happy with it. Something about that big dried leaf disturbs me. I do like the white page and the layout. I'll have to see what I can do.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

At long last...

I don't know how many of you have been waiting for a post to show up here, but finally there is one. I have been trying, unsuccessfully, to set up another blog, but I have only a few followers there and today I became very disheartened and decided to call it quits there and return to this one. It was not meant to be. I think of that other one as my bad luck blog.

I will be posting on this blog regularly from now on. At least once a day. I am a prolific writer and I always find some excuse to write a post and add my thoughts to the vast world that is the Internet.

For those of you who followed me to the other post and back again, I thank you for your patience. I know I look like a fickle woman and I probably am, but things didn't work out the way I had planned them to. Stay tuned for a regular post here. There will be one coming up soon.


Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Saving Fish From Drowning!

For those of you who had not noticed it yet, I am blogging over here now. Please come and join me.

See you there,