Positively positive...

I haven't taken a nap but I'm having a cup of that delicious instant coffee instead to perk me up. I need the caffeine so I don't mind how bad it tastes. Actually, I am getting used to it so it isn't the awful experience I make it sound like. It serves the purpose and that's what counts. It is true that I can't wait for a decent cup of coffee and that I've almost forgotten what one tastes like. It will be like an angel peeing on my tongue. 

The day has gone by quickly and no doubt that was partly due to the fact that I slept late this morning. The dog was kind enough not to wake me up at all. I very leisurely had a cup of coffee in my armchair while I remembered who I was and what day it was. I didn't realize that it was Friday the 13th but it wouldn't have made any difference. I would have approached the day the same way. 

I was glad it was Friday and that the domestic help was going to be here to clean up the apartment. It's nice to enter the weekend with everything in ship shape. All I had to do was the dishes and some laundry and make the bed. Luckily it was not that cold outside so I could open the windows and let the place air out. For that reason I'm looking forward to the real springtime so I will be able to always have the windows open. 

I have headaches off and on and sometimes I take a painkiller for them. At least I know why I get them and I'm not worried about them. It's just a bit of a bother. I mostly try to relax and ignore them. I do pay attention to how I hold myself. I make sure that I'm not in a cramped up position and that I sit behind the computer straight. I also think that I need to get some new pillows for my bed. The ones I have are a little old and not so very supportive. 

I just noticed that the domestic help cleaned the French way, in other words, with a lick and a promise. I just gathered a lot of dog hair out from underneath my desk. There's a lot of dust on the baseboard too. I think people in the south don't clean as rigorously as people in the north. The furniture doesn't get vacuumed either and very seldom underneath. I'll have to check it from now on and do some of it myself. I'm still in good enough shape to do that. 

I'm making a shopping list for tomorrow and adding to it as I remember things. It's growing longer by the minute. I've written a coffeemaker on there also. I think I need to go to "Action" with the Exfactor and buy some things I need. I also need another frying pan and another pan to cook in with a glass lid on it. I will get them at very reasonable prices at that store. The only problem is the continual crowd and the long lines by the cash registers. 

It's time for me to take out the dog. It's overcast outside but at least it's dry. It hasn't rained all day. It would have been good weather to dry the laundry outside on the clothes line. Oh well...

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Darn it...

My coffeemaker has completely given up the ghost. I was trying to make a pot of coffee but I waited for one in vain. It made an awful lot of noise and it looked like it was working as hard as it possibly could, but mostly some steam came out of the top. There was no hot water dripping into the filter  and no coffee dripping into the pot. 

I ran a bottle of vinegar through it, which I should have done a long time ago, but it was all to no avail. It is now just sitting there doing nothing at all but playing dead. I'm afraid I killed it through neglect and I'll have to carry it to its last resting place and buy a new one. 

Unfortunately, the stores are all closed now and there's not a coffeemaker to be gotten anywhere. That's the bad news. The good news is that I do have a jar of instant coffee and, although it doesn't taste very good, it does have caffeine in it and that is good enough for me. I do get some gratification out of it. 

It is through this minor miracle that I can sit here and be somewhat coherent and write this. It would be impossible otherwise. I did take a nap earlier and found out about the coffeemaker when I woke up and was shocked when I thought I wasn't going to be able to drink coffee. Luckily, I remembered that jar of instant coffee on the shelf in the kitchen. 

My first reaction was to call the Exfactor to have him, as if by a magic, pull a coffeemaker out of his sleeve. I thought if anyone knew where to get a coffeemaker it would be him. He didn't answer his telephone, however, and really, where would he have gotten one? The things I expect of him!

I hope my sister doesn't mind drinking instant coffee. The stores will be closed on Monday as well because it's another holdiday, so a new coffeemaker can't be bought until Tuesday. That's a long time to go without a decent cup of coffee. We'll have to try and get outselves invited somewhere else a lot.

The Exfactor and I did the groceries this afternoon when everybody else and their brother was doing them too. People had their shopping trolleys filled with groceries and there seemed to be no recession going on. I'm amazed at the money that is spent during the holidays. Maybe it's a good thing because it's good for the economy. I spent more than I usually do too. I'm a over consumer also. 

I also cleaned house and that was a lot of fun. I found out that the vacuum cleaner wasn't working properly and I fixed that. Apparently the domestic helps have been vacuuming at half power. I would have thought they'd let me know. It sure made a difference once I fixed it. There was a stoppage where the hose entered the vacuum cleaner.

I've got to take the dog for a walk into the moon filled night. I'm late, I've been distracted. 

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

In an uproar...

My stomach has been in such an uproar for the past 24 hours that I've only been able to eat two rusk toasts and as a result I am very hungry. I don't dare eat anything else, though, and am glad the rusk toast stayed down. I've been trying to drink something besides water and I'm now trying to drink a much needed cup of coffee. So far, so good. I don't tolerate milk very well at all. I did miss the coffee very much, though. Who am I without my cups of coffee?

I can only think that this is a case of nerves about my sister coming to stay here and in case it is that, I have taken a tranquilizer about an hour ago. I do feel myself getting a lot more relaxed now and I think it may be doing me some good. I was also getting my headache back and I've taken a painkiller. It's very possible that stress translates itself into physical ailments in my case. It wouldn't surprise me at any rate. 

I do have a tendency to let things bother me more than I realize and they build up inside of me until the very moment that it starts to count. I seem fine until that very moment. In the meantime, subversively, the stress is creeping up on me and shows itself suddenly in less expected ways. It seems to always do that in the form of some physical dysfunction. Lately it has been my stomach that seems to be the weak spot. Of course with my gastric band it is bound to be that way. 

My domestic help didn't show up today and this was just on a day that I really needed her. I'll have to do the housecleaning myself now. It's not something I was counting on, especially not with an upset stomach. I hope I'm doing much better by tomorrow. 

The Exfactor was here this afternoon to do the groceries, but we postponed getting them until tomorrow because I was in no shape to go to the supermarket with him to get them. I went to bed instead and took a much needed nap. I sure as heck hope that I'm  in good shape tomorrow because I'll have enough to do. I also have to clean the patio. 

So you see, I'm not doing all that great. I do wish I'd get over it and I hoped that by writing about it I would. There's nothing like putting your problems down in black and white. Or in black and green as the case is here.  Through it all, I'm slightly neglecting the animals and that's unlike me. I do have to make amends as soon as I feel better. I feel most sorry for the dog who feels that something is wrong. He's my most loyal pal and about to notice it. 

I've been able to drink my coffee with some success. I would like to drink some milk now, but that may be pushing my luck. It would be nutritious anyway.

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

A pain in the neck...

I've got a very cramped up muscle in my neck. The doctor says that it is what's causing my headche. He says it is as tight as a drum and as hard as a rock. He was testing my neck to see what hurt the most and believe me, I found out. It was very painful. 

He wanted to send me to physical therapy but that's no longer covered by my health insurance, so he gave me exercises to do instead. I've also gotten a pain killer that should work well and I have to stay very warm and keep my neck protected from any cold drafts. 

Since the weather had gotten worse, the first thing I did when I got home was close all the windows and turn the heater on. Then I got a scarf off the coat rack and wrapped it around my neck and I haven't taken it off yet. It's actually kind of fortunate that the weather turned bad because now I have an excuse to wear warmer clothes and have the heater turned on. 

It's good to know what's wrong because in my effort to protect myself from the pain from the headache, I was making all the wrong moves. This was actually making the situation worse, I realize now. Now that I know what's wrong, I can take the fact that it's a problem in my neck into account and move differently. The pain killer also helps and makes it easier to move my head and neck around.

I should be doing much better soon and I will not be doing anything that will put my neck in danger such as move heavy furniture around which I was planning on doing.

The Exfactor and a friend of his moved all the junk out of the spare bedroom yesterday. It is an amazing thing to see the room empty except for  a few pieces of furniture. I thought it would never happen. The room does need a good cleaning but luckily my domestic help is going to be here in the morning. If she does nothing else but clean that room, I will be more than happy. 

It's actually going to be my room because the door to the patio is there and I will have to be able to let the dog out during the night. My closet is already there and it will be easy to move my bed there and the few other pieces of furniture that I'll need. I've already filled one shelf system with stuff that is purely mine and it is in place.

The Exfacor will help me with putting the guest room furniture together. He's coming back in the afternoon to do the groceries and may be able to do it then. He's bringing his electric screwdriver. Hopefully the room will be clean by then.. 

I'm constantly catching myself in pain and immediately figuring out what I'm doing wrong. I find that by changing the way I hold my head and neck and shoulders I can relieve the pain. Isn't that good to know? 

I still haven't figured out why drinking ice cold milk helps so much. I always feel better when I do and I drink many glasses of it. I thought it numbed the pain but the doctor said that heat is actually good for it. So that is a bit of a mystery. Whoever knows the answer is free to reveal it.

That's all I have to report for now. I hope you're all having a good night. May it be as pleasant as mine is. 

Ciao,

Irene

Continuing upwardly mobile...

In my case I mean to say that I continue to feel better and that the increase in medication is working. I don't feel bereft any longer, although I'm still not quite back to normal. That will happen with time, I'm sure. I don't have things completely under control and my household is not up to par, but I can live with that for the moment. I'm not a desperate housewife yet and this is not her diary. 

All will be well by tomorrow. The domestic help will be here and together we will straighten out the place and things will be right as rain for the weekend. I'm looking forward to that very much as usual. Bless the days off on the weekend. I will never take them for granted. 

I'm having a much needed cup of coffee and I made it strong the way I really like it. I have enough of a supply of ground coffee to allow myself to do that again. I took a nap this afternoon and I was very much sound asleep. I wasn't just dozing like I sometimes do. That necessitated the caffeine to wake me up properly. 

I walked the dog before the first cup of coffee had really done its work and made the walk short so I could have a second cup quickly. I made sure the dog did all that he had to do and sniffed in enough places and peed against enough blades of grass and bushes. After he had set his boundaries, we returned home in a hurry. 

I'm really awake now and could have a conversation if there were someone to talk to. The deliveryman from the pharmacy was here, but he was in a hurry to deliver the rest of his medicines. I couldn't pull him into the front door. He would have protested loudly and the neighbors would have noticed.

I try talking to the dog, but all he does is wag his tail and demand to be petted. It doesn't matter what the subject is. It's all blah blah to him. 

I must do some chores before 'Inspector Frost' comes on. I've been neglecting some things and must take care of them before I sit down and get comfortable. I also want to get into my pajamas and bathrobe so I will be ready for bed when the time comes. Oh yes, I still have to eat too. 

Have a great evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Happy on a Saturday...

For a change, I slept the whole night again. That was such a nice thing to happen. No waking up in the very wee hours of the morning and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I could tell by the way the trees cast shadows on the blind that it was a decent time to get up. I made sure I was all done sleeping, in case there was something left in my body, but then Tyke snuggled very close and made breathing almost impossible so I had to get up. He does have all that woolly fur that gets in your nose and your mouth.

So, now I'm sitting here with my second cup of coffee and I'm slowly getting myself together. I watched a wonderfully gruesome "Silent Witness" last night and I'm surprised that I wasn't scared to go to bed and sleep on my own. I guess I don't scare as easily as I thought. As soon as the program was over, I put all thought of it out of my head. And when I say gruesome, I really mean it.

Yesterday was a nice day. The weather was warm, though there was a pleasant breeze, and the sun was shining all day. Tyke and I ended the day by going to my sister's garden and watering all the potted plants there. All the plants looked good, though, and they don't seem to have suffered from the hot weather. All the blossoms were lively and bright.

The day started with a visit from the Exfactor and he was kind enough to go to the store and buy me some ice cream. Oh yum, that was so delicious, but I don't want anymore now, because it's very dangerous to have in the freezer. When I know it's there, I hear it call my name. I have no self control at all. I'm an ice cream addict and I better not have it around me. It will cause me to gain a kilo or two. I should never have food in the apartment that I like a lot.

My personal helper got here next and while she was here I cleaned out two drawers of the dresser and found numerous photographs of whose existence I did not know. It means that I will have to get several photo albums. Well, several may not do it. Quite a few, actually. It depends on the kind I get. I threw some things away too in a trash bag that I will add to as I clean out the rest of the drawers. At least I know what's in the first two drawers now. I simplified the contents quite a bit. I even found some pieces of embroidery that I can work on when I get in that mood again. I had quite forgotten about them and haven't done that kind of work in a long time.

The personal helper and I took Tyke for a walk in the warm sunshine and she tried her best to keep up with us. I have to make sure Tyke doesn't walk too fast. He walks through the tall bits of grass and weeds and is always covered by pollen, but I seem to be over my allergies completely and am not bothered the least bit.

Just as the personal helper was about to leave, the domestic help got here and merrily set off to work with a bucket of suds. She spent a lot of time cleaning what I thought was a clean bathroom and then told me that the bathroom was coming along well. She must know something I don't and see dirt that I don't see. I always clean up after myself real well when I have showered or used the wash basin. I think I leave the bathroom behind spotlessly, but I guess I don't. She then dusted the apartment and hoovered and mopped the floors and was one whir of activity. I feel her back ache when I see her at work. She's amazing.

Today I have to do the dishes and hang up a load of laundry to dry and possibly change my bed. I do want to start using that new washing powder as soon as possible, but I have to use up the old one first. Waste not, want not. If I change my bed, I'll have another load of laundry to do and I can hang it up outside to dry. That brings me closer to using the new washing powder. Oh, for Pete's sake. I'll just use it anyway and throw out the old one. There's just a little bit left. Things you can get worried about, really. Talk about taking it to an extreme.

Alright, that's all settled then. I'm putting clean sheets on the bed and that will be nice for tonight. Yesterday afternoon I took a nap on the sofa. It was very pleasant, but I worried about not being able to sleep at night. Well, I need not have worried about that, because I slept very well. I think I will have another nap this afternoon. I feel in my bones that there is one coming up. Never let it be said that you can have enough sleep on any given day. There's always a good time for a nap. Eight hours of sleep is not enough. I need at least two more.

Have a great day.

Ciao,
Nora

Domesticity...

I was up for a while during the night, but I had enough sense to go back to bed when it was still early in the morning. I set the alarm clock for 10 am and woke up a little bit before that. I wanted to have time to go to the tobacco shop and to do a few chores. First I had to wake up properly and I took about 45 minutes to do that with a cup of coffee and some cigarettes. They weren't home made, so they didn't taste as good. I don't know what manufacturers put in ready made cigarettes, but it tastes like junk. Not at all like when you make your own cigarettes from plain tobacco, and they're expensive too. They're almost 3 times as expensive as home made.

I got dressed and took my wallet and a plastic bag and Tyke and some baggies. Off we went on our merry way. It wasn't too cold outside and the weather is supposed to be improving soon. When we got to the tobacco shop, Tyke tried to jump into the bin of candies, as usual, and I got my tobacco and filter tubes and some lighters. I must always have lighters. Tyke had the audacity to bark at someone he decided not to like, which happens rarely, and we left the shop at high gear. I needed two baggies, one on the way over there and one on the way back. Tyke always dawdles. He thinks he has to sniff at every bush and blade of grass. I am patient, but sometimes I just drag him along.

When I came home, I started making cigarettes and then the domestic help got here. A cat had killed a bird and brought it home and I had cleaned it up and disposed of the dead bird, but there were still some little feathers lying around. She didn't comment on those and just vacuumed them up. Domestic helpers ask no questions. They've learned not to be curious. For all she knew I had slaughtered Cornish game hen in there, but not a word came over her lips. She did say that the apartment looked tidy and I said that I'd done it myself. She saw in the workbook that nobody had been here on Friday, so she was surprised. Now she could see for herself that I'm really a neat person.

I may be a neat person, but I haven't got the laundry out of the washing machine yet. I may hang it up to dry outside, because no more rain is expected. The temperatures are supposed to get higher each day until it will be hot by the weekend. I don't know how I feel about that. I suppose I have mixed feelings. I am happy because of the sun, but I am less thrilled because of the heat. I am curious to see if I will be less tired. The sun has already come out this afternoon, although there are still big clouds in the sky. It's getting a little warmer inside too, which is good, because I was about to put another cardigan on and may still.

I had taken my medicines real early this morning, rather then taking them late when I would wake up at 10 am. Subsequently, I didn't take them again until 12:30 pm and the gap was too big, because I started to feel awful. I became neurotic and obsessive and I couldn't at first figure out what was wrong. I didn't think anything was wrong, but that the grievances in my head were legitimate and that I should act on them. I was making all sorts of plans to put them into action, but then as time went by, they started to disappear as snow for the sun and that was because my medication had started to work. Finally, there was nothing left of them and I felt silly for having had them and lucky for not having acted on them. You see how precarious this all is. Imagine what would happen if I accidentally missed a dose. I could get into deep sh*t.

By the way, does anybody know what that volcano in Iceland is doing? I never hear or read about it in the news anymore. I just heard another airplane fly over and it reminded me of it. It was so nice and quiet when air traffic was banned for a while. I sure miss those days. The airport is close by, so we have a lot of noise from landing and departing airplanes. It really irritates me and the airport is only going to get more busy as it becomes more international. It does have restricted hours, but you hear airplanes fly over from 6 am on. It can't be much fun for the people who really live close to it. That airport was not one of my grievances, by the way, but I wonder what happened to that volcano in Iceland. I suppose I could google it.

It's time to take Tyke for a walk. The poor thing must not be neglected. I'm trying to teach him that when Gandhi is sitting on my lap, she's not to be molested. Actually, I wish she never was, but she's partly the blame for that herself, because she does seek the danger and doesn't get out of the way on time. She's not mean enough to fight him properly like Toby does. Toby uses his claws.

I hope you're all having a good day and that you will have an equally good evening.

Ciao,
Nora

Digital.

According to my new digital scale, I have lost 3 kilos. I bought my scale at the housewares store and I got it on sale. It is an expensive scale that also measures your body fat and body water content and muscle/fat percentage. It was marked down to the price of a cheaper scale. Of course, I have to program it to do all those things, but for now it tells me my weight and that is good enough. The rest will come later.

I now have about 4 kilos left to lose to reach the weight that the Obesitas Specialist said I should aim for, but I am going to try and lose more weight and aim for an additional 5 kilos, but if I lose the 4 kilos, I will have lost a total of 40 kilos, which is the equivalent of a small person.

I had planned to do more things, but I was so worn out from making that one purchase, that I laid down on the sofa and slept for 3 hours. Yes, I can´t believe it myself. I didn´t know I was short of sleep. I thought I was all caught up. Without realizing it, I was very tired and needed those extra hours. I felt a lot better when I woke up, but still pleasantly drowsy and tired enough to want to go to bed on time in the evening.

I slept like a bear in hibernation, but I did get up early and doubtlessly that means I will have to take another nap this afternoon. I have to do some chores today and I will get those done in the morning. There aren't that many to do, but just enough to make the place look cared for. My domestic help isn't going to be here tomorrow because she is moving and I will have to do some of the cleaning myself. I really don't mind. I'm more than capable of doing that.

I walked around the housewares store for a bit and saw all sorts of things that I needed, but it would have wiped out my budget if I had bought them all. A woman could go crazy in there, there was so much neat stuff. I saw the glasses I wanted and a new shower curtain and a new waste basket, but I just couldn't spend the money. The bathroom scale was more expensive than I had counted on. I'll see what I can buy with my next check.

Today is already Thursday and it seems that the week is flying by. Today is officially my day off. I never have any appointments on this day. Or very rarely anyway. I try not to have any commitments, but keep the day free for whatever I want to do. I think I will be reading a lot. I got "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" two days ago and I'm already fascinated by it, so I will read it. I've also got to go to the tobacco shop and buy two lighters, because the one the Exfactor got me is starting to run low on fuel and all I have is a box of matches that don't work well. So you see we are the victims of shoddy products and just have to accept that because they were cheap.

My punk hairdo is still very punky. It only got more so by sleeping on it. I'll rough it up a little more in a while and spray some hairspray on it. It should hold it sufficiently even when the wind is blowing. I like being just the slightest bit abstract. It matches my clothes. Oh, that reminds me, I've got to do a little bit of ironing today. There are some clothes that I want to wear that need to be ironed. They will look a heck of a lot better if I do. There's no getting around it. I have to put distilled water in the steam iron. Our water is too hard and it plugs up the holes on the bottom.

I've got to take my medicines and get dressed. It's time to take Tyke for his walk, though he is sound asleep on the coffee table. No doubt he is just waiting for me to get up, but at least he's not breathing down my neck. I've taken my vitamins and minerals pill an hour ago. I want to see if that way it doesn't interfere with my medication. I would be good if it doesn't, because I really need that those vitamins and minerals for my health. It would be very foolish to completely do without them.

I hope you have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora

Waiting for the good guy...

I'm waiting for the Exfactor to show up. Since he never lets me know when he will get here, I can wait for hours and I have to keep myself busy in the meantime. I've done some chores and saw my SPN earlier this morning and now I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee trying to ignore Tyke who is breathing down my neck, literally. He is standing on the arm chair behind me and has his paw on my shoulder and his nose on my head. He is grumbling at me because I won't budge.

--------------------

In the meantime, I've walked Tyke and the Exfactor has showed up. He has now gone to the grocery store with my list and my band card and Tyke is eating. He takes a bite and chews it while he walks around the living room. It's called recreational eating. The Exfactor has got me an elastic brace that fits completely around the palm of my hand, including in the lower part of my thumb. It has been bothering me for a few days and I think it is due to handling the mouse of the computer. The brace feels really good around it and I will wear it for awhile and see if it gives me any relief. I can always go to the doctor if it gets worse. The brace also prevents me from making the wrong moves with my thumb, which is helpful.

--------------------

When I saw my SPN this morning, I could only conclude that I was in a completely sane state of mind. I was neither depressed not hypo-manic. I was as I wish always to be, completely "normal." Whatever definition of the word you want to apply to it, but you will know what I mean. This pleased us both very much and it put me in a good mood. I felt very much relieved that I had reached that point after the downturn last week. My SPN said it was because I had recognized what was happening to me on time and asked for help on time, and I said that I'm better able to do it each time because I'm not embarrassed to. I don't think anyone is going to think I cry wolf. So, I did alright then.

--------------------

I needed very little groceries and discovered that buying the dog food I always get is no more expensive at the store than buying it on line. As a matter of fact, buying it on line is more expensive because I have to pay delivery charges, and all this time I thought I was getting a good deal because I was buying it in bulk. No, I'm not, so burst that bubble immediately. From now on I'm buying this dog food at the store. The Exfactor had also brought a cigarette lighter with him without me asking for it, though I had meant to, because the one I had was almost empty of fuel. He must have gotten my telepathic message. That's a neat trick, I'm going to try that again.

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The domestic help did a good job cleaning yesterday. The spare bedroom is a damp room and as a result, the woodwork of the back door and of the window always gets very dirty with mildew and streaks from the water that drips down. She cleaned all the woodwork first and it looks like it has been freshly painted. Than she washed the window and the window in the back door inside and out and they are so clean that it looks like there is no glass in it. It's wonderful. The curtain that was in front of the window in the back door went straight into the trash bag. It had a bad case of mildew and dust. It was beyond salvage.

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Now all that has to happen is for the Exfactor to move all his boxes and shelf systems out and that room can be wallpapered and painted and have furniture put in it beside the closet and the chair that are in there already. It's a big room, so there is space for an extra bed and a work table. I promised myself that I would get artistic again as soon as I would have the space for it, so it needs to happen sooner rather than later. I think 2 years is a long time to wait for a room to get emptied out.

--------------------

Anyway, after much talk about his work and motorcycles, the Exfactor is gone again until Friday. He is a sweetheart, though, and I have to stay loyal to him. What other ex-husband would do the groceries once a week and come visit twice a week? Not many, I bet. I suppose I do serve a function in all of this too. I haven't quite figured out what it is, but I won't break my head over it. The arrangement is quite satisfactory to me, so I won't complain. I see enough of him to get my fill and appreciate him for who he is. Which is basically a decent human being. Let's not forget that. You don't meet many of those nowadays.

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I asked him to buy me a bag of apples and I'm going to try and eat one of those. I don't know if I can eat a whole apple, but I'm going to chew very carefully and eat as much of it as I can. I think I need the roughage and the vitamins. It will be a good addition to my diet. I haven't eaten an apple in a very long time and I'm looking forward to it. I didn't put them in the refrigerator because I like my fruit at room temperature. I think then you can taste the flavor better than when it's cold. So wish me a lot of luck with eating my apple. I'm going to eat it with the skin on and all.

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I hope you're all having a good day and nice weather. It's turned sunny and pleasant here after a very cool start. It was freezing at 6 am.

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Ciao,

Nora

Monday morning...

I slept nearly 8 hours, so I'm satisfied. I wasn't that tired when I went to bed, so I said to myself, "I'll give myself half an hour to fall asleep and if I'm not, I'll get up again," and, of course, I was asleep within 10 minutes. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and repeated the same ritual and was asleep within minutes, maybe a few at most. One or two, maybe. Giving myself half an hour to fall asleep usually works very well, because I'm seldom awake longer than that. And it takes the pressure off, because I can just lie there and not worry about the time for a while.

Not too long ago, I would have gotten up in the middle of the night, but I have gotten over that bad habit and now go back to sleep like any ordinary person. I used to think that was impossible, but that was just a misunderstanding on my part and a fear of not being able to go back to sleep. That grew during my marriage and I hadn't gotten over it yet. So it's about time that I did. Doubtlessly it had to do with a heavily snoring husband or just another body in the bed taking up space. Now that I sleep on my own, a lot of that is much simpler.

I had a cup of coffee and am now drinking a glass of milk for my thirst, but I will have a cup of coffee again next. I need it to wake up properly, but I've already been out to take Tyke for his morning walk. There's a bright blue sky and sunshine, so it looks like it will be a good day. I didn't get to see a forecast, so I have no idea what the weather is supposed to be like, but I'll assume the best. The most I can do is look out the window and see if there are any clouds gathering.

I don't have much on my program today, except that the domestic help is coming and maybe the Exfactor will be by. I have to do the dishes before the domestic help gets here, otherwise she'll feel compelled to do them, which I don't mind, but it makes me look bad. The last thing I want to do is look like a lazy housewife. I try my best to have the place look good before she comes here. Isn't that funny? It's got to look clean enough so all she has to do is clean it properly. It does make sense. I'm not a messy person on my own. The dirt was old and I keep the place pretty clean. The Exfactor was like that character from Charlie Brown, the one who always had a cloud of dust and dirt hanging around him.

Oh, I'm yawning. It's time for that other cup of coffee.

Tyke is refusing to eat the food I gave him. It's something different than what he usually gets, because I'm almost out of that. This other food is really good, but he doesn't appreciate it at all. How do you deal with something like that? Do you take it away and keep offering it? Or do you get the original food? It's a mystery to me. I didn't know that he could be so stubborn.

The cats always get the exact same food and always eat it. They get the store brand fish menu. I never change it and they always like it. They are just dried kibbles, but it satisfies them and they have a great appetite for it. I suppose they aren't finicky cats. I guess I got lucky.

Speaking of food, I know I've lost weight, because I can tell by the way my jeans fit me, but I have no way of telling because of the lack of bathroom scale. I have to get another one as soon as possible, because I'm really curious. I have to hitch up my jeans with a belt and put it on the last hole there is. I'll have to find a smaller belt.

I have to get the show on the road now and decide what to wear. It will be fun to pick out clothes. I've got to put away the ones I've been wearing though, and in neat stacks.

Hope you have a great day!

Ciao,
Nora

Waiting for the finish...

My Monday domestic help is here and I think she is not pleased about having to clean the bedroom windows and woodwork. She doesn't seem very happy anyway. She's making it extra hard on herself by ignoring a very good cleaning product that I recommended and the glass cleaning product. She wants to be stubborn and do it her own way with an all purpose cleaner.

Oh, look at me, talking badly about my domestic help. That's not very mice. I mustn't do that and change my tune immediately. It's the result that counts in the end and I will praise her for that. If she wants to use more elbow grease, then that's up to her.

I'm expecting the Exfactor and really need to make a shopping list, but some things are already written down. They are mostly more cleaning products and vacuum cleaner bags. Those women do got through those things like crazy. Things that may last me a few months are gone in several weeks time. They prepare one bucket of suds after the other and spray cleaner and degreaser as if there is no end to it. I must say, though, that my apartment is very clean. I never got it that clean myself.

The Exfactor has gotten here in the meantime and has had a cup of coffee and has now gone to the store armed with my shopping list and my bank card. Before that, Tyke got a hold of his motorcycle glove and was chewing on it. It had been left in the wrong place. There was too much temptation. The Exfactor hit him over the head with it.

The domestic help has just left. She got the windows and the woodwork and the windowsill very clean and I praised and thanked her a lot. We were both pleased. It had been a tough job for her, I get the feeling. She'll have to do the same job in the spare bedroom next week. I must always remember to be appreciative of her, no matter how stubborn she is.

I got 5 hours of sleep this morning. It wasn't really enough, but I will catch up on the rest of it tonight. I didn't want to be caught asleep in bed by anyone, but as it turned out, I had lots of time to wake up and do a few chores and walk Tyke. It never did cool off in the apartment more, even though it was cool in the beginning of the day. Now the sun is shining again and the light is coming straight through the living room windows, warming up the place.

The Exfactor fixed the blind that I had broken. I had moved it and caused the cord not to work anymore. I couldn't pull the blind up, try as I might. I fiddled with it, but couldn't figure out how to fix it. I knew I didn't have the insight to repair it and that the Exfactor did and I was right. He repaired it in a few minutes and turned the blind over so the other side of it would show and did the same thing to the other blind. Now they hang free of the window and allow more of a draft to come through. Isn't he smart? He has more technical ability than I do. That's why he should have been an engineer. I kid you not.

Now he is gone again after he delivered the groceries and had one more cup of coffee. I'm all on my own again with Tyke and the cats. Toby is lying in the paper box and Gandhi is outside on the patio.

I can't wait for my high tops to get here, because my feet are very sore from my shoes, but I have to wear them. Of course, I could try on some sandals. That's what I'll try next. Maybe they will be more comfortable. I have tan lines on my feet from my shoes. That's how often I've worn them, with no regard to the health of my feet at all. I just ignore them and suffer. How silly of me.

I'm wearing a denim skirt and a silky black tank top with my black and red and purple scarf. I do like the feel of the scarf around my neck, it gives me a sense of security, like a kid with its blanket that it carries around. I did find my denim mini skirt. It was in the closet right where it was supposed to be in the stack of skirts. I must have been blind when I looked before. I think I was looking for a different color denim and just didn't see it, it didn't register. So, that mystery is solved. Well, there was no mystery, actually.

I've just had my last cup of coffee. One thing I mustn't do is drink any more coffee now. I'm pretty sure that's what kept me awake last night. I must stick to juice and milk tonight. The Exfactor got me some multivitamin berry juice and it looks very appetizing. No doubt it will taste great. My mouth is already watering for it. I do have to get my vitamins in and stay as healthy as possible. Sometimes I get a shortage of them.

No doubt I will be writing another post in no time at all. I seem to be a bit addicted to blogging right now. This in spite of the fact that I do turn the computer off as much as possible and do get other things done. It is a temporary addiction, possibly, maybe because I'm a bit hyper and high strung. I'm not going to worry about it. I don't think I'm in any sort of trouble. I just need to drink less coffee and more milk. Warm milk, preferably, and I'm going to take a tranquilizer in just a minute. Just one to slow me down a bit.

Have a terrific rest of the Monday. I have to take my medicines and walk Tyke again.

Ciao,
Nora

Taking a break.

I've walked Tyke and washed the dishes and changed my bed. Then I fooled around with the look of my blog. You know how it is, while I was waiting for the washing machine to get done, I couldn't leave well enough alone and I found a great website with lots of blogger backgrounds. Well yes, I am fickle and I do change my mind. That's my prerogative as a woman and I must be very feminine. Not that I hadn't noticed that before, but I do exaggerate sometimes. At least I don't wear nail polish on my toe nails. I haven't quite gone as far as that. I'll let you know when I get to that point.

I've even changed my glasses and put on the pair that I thought I had lost, but that showed up in the box of art supplies. They are rectangular, as opposed to my other pair which are oval. They look quite different and until I get comments on them, I don't know how I feel about them. You see, I can't make up my own mind. The woman in the shop helped me pick them out, but once I had them, I got enormous doubts about them and didn't wear them that often. Well, just often enough to lose them for a while. I thought they weren't meant to be until I found them again.

I've misplaced a denim mini skirt and I have no idea where it is. It's not in any of the usual places, so it's a mystery to me. How can a mini skirt disappear? It's not that little. I did have to fit into it. It will probably show up in some odd place where I haven't looked yet and that is completely illogical for a mini skirt to be. I'll let you know when it shows up.

I just walked Tyke again in the hot noontime sun. The clouds that were here earlier burnt away and now we have blue skies again. There are some clouds at the horizon, so there may be rain yet, but I doubt it. It doesn't look threatening enough. It's hot in the sun and I didn't make it a long walk. We did that in the morning when it was still cool. There's all sorts of shrubbery blooming now, which I can't identify, but which smells good. Most of them have white flowers. That seems to be the most common blossom here, except for the fruit trees which are pink and white. Some of them are still blooming too.

I should now get the laundry out of the machine and hang it up to dry, but my feet are sore from walking. I want to get some black high tops with white laces and wear those with my black leggings. I think they will be comfortable to walk in instead of these summer shoes and sandals. There's always some area of my foot that's being pinched by something.

Well, I took care of that quickly. I just ordered some on line and they were very reasonably priced and I bought them on credit. They will be mine in less than four payments. That's the way to do business. I will pay them off quicker than that, though. I don't want to walk on unowned shoes and I can't buy anything else until they're payed for. That's my rule. It will be nice to walk in something comfortable and not be pinched everywhere. My toes and my heels will be very grateful, I'm sure. So will the soles of my feet.

I will try not to take a nap today, even though I got up very early. It's better to be totally beat tonight. I think I will just find more chores to do instead. I've cleaned out that cabinet I was talking about the other day. It turned out not to be so much work. I just needed a plastic bag for the junk and a paper bag for the obsolete medicines that can go to the pharmacy. The rest of the things in there needed to be organized and that was done quickly.

I need the same kind of initiative when I clean out the chest of drawers. It just needs to hit me that it is what I'm going to do and then nothing will stop me. Actually, the Exfactor needs to look through them first and see if there's anything that belongs to him before I throw it away, because I'm ruthless. I have no mercy when it comes to tossing things out. I don't like to hold on to useless items.

Speaking of useless items, I have to remember to put the trash out tonight. It's that time of the week again. Last week I forgot to put out the recyclable paper and I now have a big box of it sitting in my hallway waiting for the next pick up day. These used to be the Exfactor's jobs and I'm still not used to doing them and have a tendency to forget. I'm only reminded because I see other people's stuff sitting out on the curb. Then I walk inside and forget about it again. I'm very absentminded. It's a good thing my head is screwed on tight. If I live carefully and pay close attention to the details, I do okay. An agenda is a very handy thing to have, though. Especially if you look in it every day.

Well, I'm going to hang up the laundry now and dust the living room. It looks pretty spotless, but you never know... A domestic help sees hidden dirt. Dirt that an ordinary person is unaware of. I see some myself now on the baseboard under the radiator.

Have yourself a nice day. I will take some pictures of the living room and post those soon.

Ciao,

Nora

All sorted out...

My stove (cooker) is amazingly clean. It has seen a lot of elbow grease today and a special soapy scrub sponge. Since I never cook, it was still caked on dirt around the burners from when the Exfactor lived here and used to cook and the thing hasn't been so clean since we bought it. It plain sparkles. Little does the domestic help know that this is years of neglect that she is cleaning up. The Exfactor always cleaned with a lick and a promise and I didn't do much better, because I was depressed half of the time.

Slowly the apartment is getting the cleaning it deserves and it's going to make me less embarrassed about having people over if they aren't wearing roller skates and passing through very quickly. Well, maybe it wasn't as bad as all that, but it wasn't great either from a decent housewife point of view. You'd think I had never cleaned house in my whole life and that I never used to run a household in a large house with a husband and two kids and assorted animals and all the rooms that held all that life and its accompaniments. Pulling out the vacuum cleaner used to be one of the first things I did in the morning. You wouldn't believe that now, would you? Maybe I will even get motivated to paint the baseboards now that everything is starting to look so nice.

I took a little nap sitting up on the sofa with my head resting on my hand which was resting on the arm rest. I was trying to watch the six o'clock news but missed it completely, so you see, I still need my little naps. I took one this morning too after I had been up for a while early in the morning. My psychiatrist asked me if I slept well and I could positively answer that. I do love to sleep lately and look forward to going to bed, especially since my duvet has been washed and my bed has clean linens on it. I am constantly washing sheets and pillow cases and changing my bed, because I do look forward especially to going to sleep in a clean bed and I do always have to think of dust mites, microscopic as they are. They bother me, the knowledge of them. I think I wiped out a large colony by washing the duvet and will do it more often now that I know it fits in the washing machine. Buying a second duvet will also be a good idea to use as a back up.

I was so very much not looking forward to the domestic help coming here this afternoon and in reality it wasn't bad at all. It has been the same girl for the third time in a row now and I'm getting used to her. She 's not bad to have around. She says thee to me and I say you to her. That shows our mutual positions to each other and I am comfortable with that. We don't need to get any closer than that. On Fridays someone else will be coming and hopefully that will become a regular person also. They should have scheduled it that way, anyway. It was hard when it kept on being someone else on Mondays, but now it is much better.

Well, it's time for me to go to bed. The Exfactor is coming tomorrow and I do want to be up when he gets here and not look like a bewildered woman in my bathrobe with my hair sticking up all over the place. I look that way with my clothes on too, but at least I'm dressed then.

Have a good night and sleep tight.

Ciao,

Nora

Getting it right.

I just woke up from a long nap on the sofa and feel like a normal human being now. I was up earlier, but it was a disaster, because I had not slept long enough and I was in a terrible mood because of the shortage of sleep. Of course, instead of going straight back to bed, I was stubborn and convinced that I should stay up and function and do things, even though it was clear that I was not doing them well at all. I thought I should just have another cup of coffee and then I'd be okay, but that second cup of coffee didn't help me any more than that first one.

Finally it dawned on me that what I needed, for everyone's sake, was sleep. I laid down on the sofa and thought I would just rest with my eyes closed and that I would not really fall asleep, but I was wrong and as usual, I feel a lot better now and am a much friendlier person to be with. All my kindness has returned and I don't feel like the end of the world is coming and I'm the doom sayer to tell you. Goodness, that's a rotten job.

Now, of course, I'm dealing with that hour of adjustment in the time. It's really an hour earlier than it says on the computer clock and my watch. I haven't changed the clock in the living room yet, but it is dark and gray outside and it is raining, and it could be any time of the day. Still, I feel like the day is going by awfully fast time wise. I feel like I need to hurry up and do a lot of living in the few hours that are left of the day. I don't think it will happen, though.

I'm supposed to be doing my share of the house cleaning, meaning that I have to dust, vacuum and mop the apartment and clean up the kitchen, but I am so completely not able to do that right now. I think I will have to be excused and have the help do that work herself, because what else is she going to do? If it's raining, she can't wash the windows, except for the insides and those will be done in no time. The first girl who was ever here set up that schedule and I think she was a little bit confused. It's time to throw a wrench into the works.

Oh yes, I've changed my template. Of course, you can't help not missing that. I was over at Eye in the Sky and saw her link to Free Blogger Templates and, of course, I had to go have a look, and you know me, once I go have a look at free templates, I go see if there's one I like. I tried on a couple for size, before I settled on this one. I thought that maybe the other ones were a little bit too garish, although they had their appeal too and I'm not firmly decided yet. Let's just say that I'm thinking about it and things could change any minute. There was one I really liked but the tags were gobbled up with the text and I don't know how to fix it. If this one stays all depends on how much you like it. Thumbs up or thumbs down? You can't vote for the toad. Just for the unknown.

Tyke is lying by my feet, occasionally snoring. The back door is open, so he has been running in and out. There are bits of cardboard spread all over the living room and bedroom from an earlier adventure with a cardboard box. I get to pick up all those pieces. I think he has grown since I've had him, because he doesn't seem like such a little puppy anymore, although he still is in his behavior. He's getting less destructive, though, and more aware of what are his toys to do with as he pleases. He does like to steal things that belong to me, to tease me and to see if he can get away with it. I'm just waiting for him to get this stage behind him and become more normal, to whatever point that is possible. I think he will always be a little bit of a stinker. It's in his nature to be the clown.

The sun has come out again, though it isn't very warm out. There's no abundance of nature happening out there. Everything is late. It's just all sort of dreary looking, as if it's been fall. There is no eruption of green yet, nor are there bright blossoms of daffodils. Spring has forsaken us. At least I don't live in certain regions in Canada, where people still struggle with the cold and the snow and the wind. I would find that unbearable, but I guess you get used to anything. I suppose we don't have it so bad here.

I've had 3 cups of coffee and I will make myself a decaf now, so as to not upset the delicate balance of my psychic system. Ha! I'm only half kidding. I feel good now and I want to keep it that way. I mustn't upset the applecart.

Have a good afternoon. Don't forget to let me know what you think, or otherwise I'll start to act independently.

Ciao,
Nora

Early in the morning on a Wednesday.

It's early in the morning again and I have been up for a while. I thought I would take the opportunity when I felt rather good and write a post. That is, if my little dog is going to let me. He is playing with Gandhi right now, but wants to involve me in the game also. Oh, he's decided to lie down by my feet now and be quiet. That's good, it helps if he doesn't jump on the keyboard. It does enable better writing, technically speaking.

I didn't sleep well during the night. My stomach was upset and that bothered me quite a bit. I had a slice of salami before I went to bed and that did not sit well. My gastric band wanted to reject it. The best thing to do was to get up and have things settle down there. A vertical position helps, so does drinking something. A cup of coffee works as good as anything, because it isn't about acid, but about mechanics.

I have to clean house today, because my friend Yvonne is coming over tomorrow afternoon for a cup of tea. That's a good motivation to get some things done around here. I'll gladly clean the apartment if a friend is coming over. I can't think of a better reason to. Well yes, if the queen were to come for tea, but she has yet to let me know if she is. Though why that should matter so much is beyond me. I am a republican, after all, and I don't mean that as opposed to a democrat.

I'm also going grocery shopping with my sister tomorrow afternoon, even though I'm not out of supplies yet, having lived very frugally this past week. I don't know how that happened, but it just did and I have made everything last. I do have to buy special puppy food for Tyke, because he's been getting regular dog food now and I'm sure he needs the special nutrients that are in puppy food. He has a fantastic appetite and would eat nonstop if I allowed it and he likes everything. I'm not used to that.

I've not been reading much these past few days and am still stuck in the same book. I'm nearing the end, though, and will try to finish it today. Then comes the hard choice of what to read next, because I have so many unread books to choose from. I'm thinking of trying Anita Shreve next. I have quite a few of her novels. I was thinking of reading "The Pilot's Wife." Does anyone know that one?

Well, I'm going to take my medicines and lie down for a while. I may even eat some breakfast now that my stomach has settled down again. I'll watch the repeat of the news while I do that. It pays to stay informed.

Have a good day!

Ciao...

Staying up late...

Like I've said before, I have to take advantage of the times in my circadian cycle when I feel best and perform then, and be awake and enjoy myself and and not look at the clock and do what it tells me to do or what I think I ought to do. There is no ought to, there is only this minute and this moment on which I feel good and when I don't want to do anything else than what I am doing. Namely sit here by the light of my desk lamp with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and write my thoughts down, whatever they amount to. Soon enough I will get tired and find my way to the bedroom. There's no amount of built in guilt that's going to make me feel different about that. I hear a chorus of warning voices, but it's just an echo that has been repeated many times over and I'm becoming deaf to it. I'm listening to my own voice now, stubborn and foolhardy as I am. I've got my own survival mode and it's working. I know more happy moments now than I do in any other way. I'm glad I've got it all figured out. There's a method to my madness.

Quite coincidentally two separate people asked me about the same author. Both Angie and Connie Rose asked me if I had read anything by Diana Gabaldon. I had never heard of this author and looked her up on Bol.com and found out that she had written a whole series of books of which the 'Outlander' is the first one. It seems to be worth a try, especially when two people recommend her on the same day. Babaloo also recommended a book by John Irving called 'Until I Find You.' She says it's another one of John Irving's really good books, so I added that one to my list of books to get. So you see how this discussion about books leads to recommendations of other books and that is exactly what I want to happen. Please feel free to recommend a book if you've read a good one. I'll be happy to look it up if I haven't read it yet, or mention it here if I have. This can slowly turn into a book blog if I read fast enough. or if you people come with enough recommendations.

I cleaned up the apartment the French way, as we say here in the Netherlands. That means I got rid of everything that could be put in the trash and slightly organized things that were unorganized. It doesn't mean that I did any real cleaning. I closed my eyes to that and I wished for a better day to come along when I'll be struck by the cleaning genie. I know it will happen, it's just a matter of having patience. The chaos is under control and I know exactly what I have to do to set it right.

Except for an individual patch here and there, the snow and ice are all gone. I can see the streets and the sidewalks again and not be in danger of breaking my neck when I walk the dog. It is such a relief. The temperatures are good right now and it's not going to be freezing anymore, so hurray! It's darn near balmy now when I go outside. I don't have to wear my snow hat or my gloves and it feels like it is going to be springtime. What an optimist I am. It's still January, anything can happen. It's so nice to be liberated from that snow and ice. It was a real bother. It suddenly disappeared very quickly. I hope that's all the winter we're going to have for this season, but we're not out of the woods yet. We still have to get through February and March and they are unpredictable months.

I did make it through the bad weather without falling down once, though, although all the while I had visions of myself with a broken leg in a cast and no way to walk the dog and all the problems that would bring. I also worried about the dog slipping and hurting himself because of his osteoarthritis, but he did real well. He was pretty steady on his feet. He slipped a little now and then, but he didn't hurt himself. That's the advantage of walking on all fours.

I think I need to go to bed now. It's late enough and I am going to be up soon enough again. It will be nice to get my pajamas on and to get something to eat and have a glass of juice to drink. The dog is already sleeping on his pillow in the bedroom. I think that's where the cats are too.

Have a good night. Sleep tight. It is 5C here.

Ciao,
Nora

Not going there!

There's one place I'm not going and that's back to bed, because I have to go see my SPN today and I'm worried about sleeping too late and not getting my act together on time. I do need a certain amount of time after I wake up to sit around and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and do nothing for a while but stare into the middle distance and pet the dog. So, I've got to make myself another cup of coffee and then another one and be fully awake for the rest of the time until I leave. I've also got to go by the post office to drop some packages off on the way there. That means I have to leave a little earlier, as there is always a line there of people having to do complicated things, such as mail ten different sized packages to Shanghai and nine other cities in the Far East.

I'm walking, of course, and the sidewalks are still icy, so I have to tread with care. Today we are expecting both snow and rain, because the temperature is going to be 1C and that is just cold/warm enough for both. I sure hope none of it comes down while I'm out and about, but I'll wear my long coat and my snow hat and be prepared and carry an umbrella too. When I get back, my sister and I are going grocery shopping, which is good, because I'm all out of sugar and the dog is nearly all out of treats. The cats are out of their food in pouches and they do beg for it, those poor things. You'd think a calamity had struck them the way they stand there and wail like banshees and bleat like goats. They pull their whole repertoire out of the closet.

So, if I'm not going back to bed, I'll be forced to keep myself occupied in a different manner and I've decided that will be by doing some housework. I have to do dishes and clean up the kitchen (again) and do laundry. I also need to vacuum the living room and dust the furniture and water the plants. I'll take it one chore at the time and not try to overwhelm myself by trying to do to many things all at once. I'm not the young, indefatigable chick I used to be. It wears me out to drag the vacuum cleaner around and shove that hose around. I don't do it with any pleasure at all, except for the result afterwards, but it gets old after you've done it a 1,000 times in your life. Housewives never get a job promotion.

My regular telephone isn't working and I've just tried to replace the rechargeable batteries with some that I still had, but they didn't work. So now I'm recharging those batteries in the hope that when I replace them again, they will work and I won't have to buy a new telephone. Not that new telephones have to be that expensive. I just wasn't counting on it this month. I can't call out or receive calls, so I have to rely on my mobile phone. Yes. I would love to go out and buy a new telephone, a really nice and neat one, but I don't need it. I hardly make phone calls. As a matter of fact, I may as well give up my regular phone and just use my mobile phone. I may be cheaper of, because I already make most calls from my mobile phone. That's where all the numbers are stored after all.

I hear my bed calling me, but I'm not going there. At the most I'll go lie down on the sofa, after I've done some chores. It's time for me to change the sheets on my bed anyway. It will be nice to get into a clean bed tonight. There's nothing like it. That's a chore I'll gladly do. The reward is great.

I think what I'll do first is walk the dog and get a good bit of fresh air. It's -3C outside and that ought to wake me up well. It will be invigorating anyway. Watch me seize the day and make something of it. Ha, if I don't fall asleep halfway through it. Getting dressed is the hardest part. I'm so comfortable and warm in my bathrobe and slippers, the thought of taking them off doesn't appeal to me very much.

She who must go and suffer greets you!

Ciao,
Nora

On little sleep...

I seem to do well on little sleep today. After I wrote my post very early this morning, I did all the dishes and dried them and put them away and cleaned up the kitchen. Then I cleaned up the living room and swept that floor and the kitchen floor. I changed the cat litter box and put down new newspaper under it for those accidents that are bound to happen. I dusted also, but I see I have to do it again, because of floating around dog and cat hair. That's what happens when you have black furniture. I watered the plants and threw away the dead roses and then I washed my hair and put in the henna based conditioner and let it sit in my hair for 5 minutes so it would really pick up the color. After all of that, I had breakfast and went to bed for two hours and slept.

When I got up I had a leisurely cup of coffee and a cigarette or two and then got dressed and walked the dog. After that it was time to go to my SPN and I walked over the icy sidewalks to get there and it took me 25 minutes without breaking my neck. It was very treacherous. My SPN and I had cappuccinos which we only do on very special occasions. Normally we drink regular coffee or tea, but sometimes she sneaks in a special treat. We're working on my agoraphobia and it's going to take a few sessions.

On the way home I bought some cards for the card swap and I stopped by the tobacconist for my supply of tobacco. When I finally made it home, my face was so cold that I had trouble speaking and I had a runny nose. I made myself a hot cup of coffee and thawed out. Then I went to my sister who I hadn't seen since she had come back from Italy and we had cappuccinos and looked at all the photos she took and she told me with great enthusiasm about the art exhibitions she had been to in Milan. She had bought another mug for me and I'm getting quite a nice collection now. We're going grocery shopping first thing tomorrow morning when the store opens at 8 am. She sent me home with homemade pea soup.

When I got home I opened all the mail and none of it was bad, so that was a relief. I made a little stack of the important things and put the rest with the recyclable paper stack. Then I turned on the computer and answered all my emails and that is what I have been doing ever since. I do have a small ache in the middle of my back, but that's from sitting here too long in the wrong position, so I'm making it a point to sit properly now. I wish I had a harness to tie me to the chair so I would not start to slump.

In a little while I'm going to eat and then I'm going to put my pajamas on and go to bed. It's been a long enough day for me and I'm ready for it to end. I've got a good book and a cozy bedroom. I've forgotten to take the Christmas decorations off the lighted branches, so in the bedroom it is still festive. I wonder when I'll get around to doing that?

Okay people, this was just a short report on my day. As you can see, it went well, considering I had so little sleep. Maybe I'll do that again tonight. Hunger forces me to end this post now.

Have a great evening.

Ciao,
Nora

Well, shoot!

I'm not doing very well and I'm trying to find solutions to the problems I am facing. Now that my sister is back from Italy finally, I can do my grocery shopping with her again, so I don't have to face the horror of having to go to the store on my own. I'm going to see my SPN tomorrow on foot, because I think I will feel less vulnerable than when I go there by bike. I still have to walk the dog and sometimes that is difficult, but the poor animal has to go out, so I have to grit my teeth and bear it. I'm not getting the housework done, but spend a lot of my time sleeping and reading. At least I'm finishing some of my books that are so neatly lined up on the bookcase.

It's been hard to sit down and write a post, because I felt full of doom and gloom and didn't want to write about it, but today I got such a nice Christmas card from my daughter, that it cheered me up tremendously and I got a little bit of energy. As a result I downloaded the software to make a 2010 photo diary for myself and I had a good time picking out all the right photos. When I was done, I sent it off to the company that will print it and I should have it in about a week. I should have thought of this sooner, because I knew about it, but it had slipped my mind until just recently.

So many things keep slipping my mind, or briefly come to the foreground to only slip back into the dark recesses of my mind again. I have obligations that I can't keep, or think I can't keep, and I''m trying to figure out a way to deal with them. I feel that I can't let people down, and yet at the same time I don't know how to keep my promises. I must find a way to do this.

It's hard to be the victim of the foibles of your mind. When your mind dictates how you stand in life and how you feel and how you function or dysfunction. It's like your own mind is your enemy that you have to fight against, but it like fighting against a shadow and you can't land any real punches. Sometimes you pop up for air and you get a little bit of courage, but it's always pulling you down by your legs again, back under the surface where you can't see and breathe properly. It's such a tiring fight and it never seems to end, though it becomes awfully familiar and you say to yourself, "Oh yes, I know this, I have been here many times before." It's exhausting and I really don't want this anymore.

Yet something keeps me going. It must be the promise of better days, whenever they will come. It is unpredictable and I have no more of a clue than you do. It's the little glimmer of hope that sometimes shines through, even if it's smaller then a match struck in the darkest of nights. I find comfort in minuscule things. Sleeping, reading, eating, petting the dog. It can't be anything greater than that, because that would be too difficult. A greater action on my part would require too much effort.

Well, let's see how I get myself out of this pothole. I've got to manage one way or the other. If I can keep things somewhat under control I will be halfway there. I would like someone to come and take care of me so I could recuperate in my own time and not worry about anything for a while. That's the hard part about living alone. There's no one there to pick up the slack. I can't just take a week off. I'm finding it very difficult to live alone right now.

I have to go read blogs now. I'm a little behind in that. I do want to catch up. I hope I have the energy for it, because it's really getting to be bedtime, but it's something I want to do.

Have a nice evening.

Ciao,
Nora

All done with that!

I've managed to do every chore that I had left undone so far, except for changing the bed and that will have to wait until tomorrow. There were actually more things to do than I thought there were initially. I looked up in the bathroom and discovered spider rag. I don't understand why I always have so much spider rag in this apartment. There must be numerous spiders hanging out here, but I don't see that many of them. They must be hiding in all the nooks and crannies. Maybe I just need to look up more often and I'll see them. I have a special spider rag brush on a stick to remove them, but I'd rather do it with the vacuum cleaner. The more you walk around looking for them, the more of them you spot and it becomes like a sport: spider rag spotting. I could probably make a weekly hobby out of it.

I've walked the dog twice now and I have still forgotten to mail those Christmas cards that are laying right on the dining table so I won't forget them. Three times is a charm. I hope the dog needs to go out again soon and that I'll remember them.

I keep thinking there are things I need to do that I have forgotten and I will walk around the apartment shortly and check everything to make sure all is really done. Well, the windows aren't washed, but I was not planning on doing those. Oh, I know what I forgot to do. I wanted to wipe clean the inside of the refrigerator. That will be a job I can do tonight or tomorrow morning, I'll have to see which way the wind blows. Of course. I'll probably want to go back to bed tomorrow morning, so I may not want to postpone it. It's 5 minutes worth of work. It just seems like a hassle, because you have to move everything out of the way. I can spritz it clean in no time, though. Housework is not ever really done, is it? If you really want it clean, you never, ever finish. It's one way to give meaning to your life.

I hear all sorts of noises coming from the junk room. I think there's a cat there getting into all sorts of things. Boxes and such. They regularly try to rearrange everything on the bookshelves. I'm subconsciously always waiting to hear a crash and sometimes I do. I'm always afraid to go find out what it is they've managed to throw on the floor. I always hope it's nothing delicate, but they are all the Exfactor's things and I don't know what is in half of those boxes, except for the model airplanes and I think those have already taken a beating. He must come and get those things if they are valuable, however. I can't guarantee their safety.

The dog is looking at me with mournful eyes. He doesn't want to go out, but he wants to be petted and have a bone. So I've petted him and given him a bone. I hope that makes him happy for now. The cat has exited the junk room and all is safe there once again, so I can breathe a sigh of relief. I can't close the door there, because that's where the cat door to go outside is.

I still can't figure out why I could not screw in that light bulb the other day. It was an energy saving light bulb and it had a normal fitting just like any other light bulb, but I couldn't get it to go in. I'm going to try it again in a while, although I managed to get another light bulb in there, but I'm not sure if that's an energy saving one. I was so confused that day. It bothers me to no end if I can't do something that ought not to be impossible. When logic tells you it should just happen. So I'm going to mess around with that light bulb until it fits, without actually electrocuting myself.

Oh, and see, I've survived Second Christmas Day without any problems. That's because I acted like it was no holiday at all. Of course, the stores were closed, but I had no need to go there, and there was no mail delivery, but that means no bills either, although it would have been nice to receive some Christmas cards. I'll expect all of them on Monday then.

Actually, for as little as I've done, the holidays haven't been bad so far. They weren't the gloomy days I was expecting them to be. It had to do with the weather too. It would have been worse if there had been a lot of snow, but today we had sunshine all day long and relatively mild temperatures. Yesterday we had rain showers, but I don't mind the rain if I don't have to go out in it, and it got rid of the slippery, slushy snow, except for one big snowball that was supposed to have been part of a snowman that never got completed and took a long time to melt. The dog peed on it every time we passed it.

Speaking of dogs, he is sound asleep and seems to have settled in for the evening. He is very busy snoring. Doubtlessly he will want to go out one more time, but maybe later. I'm going to get something to eat and check my emails. There seems to be quite a bit of Bookmooch activity.

I hope you all have a nice evening and if it's not evening yet, I hope you have a nice day. Did any of you brave the stores yet? Ours don't open until Monday.

Ciao,
Nora