Oh, booger snot...

I shouldn't say that I'm in an excellent mood when all I mean is just the temporary absence of pain and stress. That does not make an excellent mood. In my naivety I call it so. An excellent mood is something completely different. It does not mean a woman who quietly sits behind her computer and feels a sense of relief for however long it lasts. People in excellent moods, seize the world. I certainly don't do that. I have yet to seize the world. 

When I woke up for the second time yesterday morning, I was depressed and whatever cheerful mood I claimed to have had earlier was gone. I now put great question marks by these so called cheerful moods I have. They are all of short duration and are apparently very shallow. I think that all they are are temporary absences of stress and pain. It's all momentary forgetfulness. 

For a while, when I just started taking the tranquilizers, they helped me forget too, but now they don't seem to work anymore. I don't really notice any effect from them. I'm starting to feel the same amount of stress and depression I felt before. I'm becoming immobilized again.

I'm seeing my psychiatrist first thing in the morning. I'm not very optimistic because I don't know what can be done, but maybe he has an idea. I am, however, very discouraged. 

Ciao,

Nora

Before the morning starts...

I'm up before it's even dawn and no doubt this will necessitate me going back to bed sometime today to sleep some more, but never mind. I do have the time to do that. I have no appointments and no one coming over. It's a free day. I will go back to bed when I feel that I can't stand on my two legs anymore and that I will fall asleep while I'm doing whatever chores I find to do. In the bedroom the radio is softly playing, so I can go back to it whenever I please.

I didn't sleep for a long time. I had to go to the toilet and let Tyke out back and then I was so wide awake that I stayed up. I'm always so full of curiosity and action when I get up at that time. It's like I can't wait to start the day and wait for the sun to come up to shed light on it. I'm too impatient to stay in bed, no matter how nice and comfortable it was in there. I'm definitely an early morning person.

If I had a garden, I would be out there first thing with my cup of coffee and do whatever I could to make it look better. Pinch off dead flowers, remove dead leaves, pick out snails, admire my handiwork. I'm going to fertilize the soil of my flowerbeds next spring and plant shade loving plants there, never mind that Tyke will probably pee on them. I'm an optimist and assume that most of them will survive. I will pick hardy plants that can take a beating.

The peanut butter sandwiches worked out well. I can eat one if I cut off all the crusts and feed those to Tyke who gladly eats them up. One is just enough and then I'm full, but I savor each bite and I can eat again a couple of hours later. I forgot how good peanut butter tastes and how well fresh wheat bread tastes. It's a pure luxury to eat those things and I'm in 7th heaven when I do. I have a glass of cold milk to go with it and it is very good, though I can hardly finish it. The gastric band does restrict me and that's a good thing, because I would have many peanut butter sandwiches if it didn't. I do have a tendency to find my solace in food and now I can't. I just have to be creative with the foods that I can eat and find ways to get full and get my nutrition.

Yesterday afternoon I sat in my armchair by the light of the reading lamp with a tall glass of milk and read my novel. To make myself more comfortable, I had the armrest pillow of the sofa at my side so I could lean against it. I had put a pillowcase around it that fit it perfectly and matched the decor. The pillow is always picking up cat hair and Tyke likes to toss it to the ground so it gets dirty easily. I have to find the matching pillowcase for the other pillow. I'll have to dig into the closet where I'm sure it is. My complimentary colors are red and yellow.

I read my novel and I'm sure caught up in it. There is a terrible secret in it that's bound to be revealed in the end and we are slowly being led to the revelation, but not without there growing a terrible misunderstanding. This evolves out of a sense of shame and madness. Actually, you get the sense that one of the main characters of the book is really a terrible woman and that she must be very mad indeed, but I suppose I will understand it better in the end. I don't feel a lot of compassion for her as yet. She irritates me terribly and I find little excuse for her behavior. But that's me looking at it with my 21st century eyes. The novel takes place in the early part of the 20th century when norms and peoples' motivations were different.

The formation of our government is at risk. That's a good thing because the coalition that's trying to be formed is a very faulty one in my eyes and in the eyes of many other people as well. It would be a coalition to the right with the support of an extreme right party. Now there is some serious backlash from the members of one of the coalition partners who say that you can't seriously govern with that extreme right party and stick to the principles of the constitution. There is a crisis. It seems that nobody, including the queen, ever took the attempt at this coalition seriously and didn't think it would go as far as it did. Unfortunately, power hungry people did and are very eager to rule the country and be prime minister. A dangerous game was played and now we have the almost disastrous results. These are grown up boys playing at politics and seeing themselves as very important people. I think it is very risky and they need to be stopped. I hope and pray for a good outcome.

I seem to have pulled a muscle in my shoulder and it won't stop hurting. I think I need a good massage, but I don't know anybody close by who could give me one. I may try some pain medication and see if that will relax it some, because it tightens up the muscles in my neck too. There's always some ache or pain somewhere in my body. Well no, I shouldn't say that. Sometimes there is. I'm sure everybody else has the same problem. It's just a result of living and being a human being. My back recovered well and I can sit behind the computer again without any problem. I took some pain medication for it and that cleared it up in no time. I will try to do the same thing for my shoulder.

I hope you all have a terrific day with beautiful weather, but rain for those of you who need it badly.

Ciao,
Nora

It's too early to go to bed.

Well, you all know that I slept well last night, don't you? I mean, I was up for a little while, but I went back to bed and slept until a decent hour and I did go to sleep early the night before. But guess what happened today? I napped and napped and wasted the whole day on the sofa. This tiredness just takes me by surprise and before I know it, I'm asleep again. I get over it at the end of the day and get my energy back at around 5 pm. That's when I come back to life, just as it is getting dark outside and I have to walk the dog. I'm fine the rest of the evening and am not the least bit sleepy until I go to bed, because I look forward to the coziness of it, but tonight I'm not looking forward to going to bed, because last night was such a struggle with those night sweats and the pain in my arm. I don't have good associations with going to bed now and I'm postponing it.

I guess I slept long enough, but not pleasant enough. The night sweats are the most uncomfortable thing, though. They really wake me up and I have to get out of bed and cool off. I'm really starting to dislike my bed. I'm going to stay up late tonight and sleep on the sofa and see if I have the same problem when I sleep there. I'm going to take the back cushions off the sofa and make more room for myself to lie down. I've been having these night sweats since last summer and I thought it was because of the heat, but I guess I was wrong and as far as I know, I am not in the menopause anymore, so that's not it either.

For some strange reason, my regular telephone has started working again without me changing the batteries. I haven't done a thing to it but take the batteries out and put them back in and unplug the cable and plug it back in again. It's a mystery to me. That leaves me undecided if I should keep it or not. First I need to find out how much of my all in one package are telephone costs. I'll have to call about that and be put on hold forever and have to listen to inane music while the call is costing me money. That ticks me off, but that's how it's done nowadays. I'm sure it's the same in your country. Whoever decided on that policy is a rip off artist. Some calls cost as much as 45 cents a minute. But anyway, my phone is working again and at least I didn't go out and buy a new one, though if I do keep my regular phone, I still may go out and buy a new one, because I'm not very fond of this one, as it has such a shape, that I cut people off with my cheekbone and I don't have especially pointy cheekbones.

My dog has decided it is bedtime and has gone to sleep on his pillow in the bedroom and that is where the cats are too. So you see, they do have their habits and they aren't always dependent on what I do.

I walked the dog at 9:30 tonight and all the slush had frozen over again and it was very slippery out there. I'm amazed by the fact that I have not slipped and fallen yet, because last year I fell three times. I'm being very careful, though, and I'm wearing different boots that may make a difference. These may have a little bit more grip. I worry about breaking a bone and lying there helplessly with the dog. He's not a St Bernard, after all. Or Lassie who will run and get help.

I have no interest in my household. I do the barest of necessities and wait for the moment when things are just about to get out of hand, so that I will very quickly get them back under control again only to return to my previous indifference. That's the state of affairs. It's no way to run a place, but that's the way I'm getting by right now. I dump things in the trash and rinse out dishes and empty ashtrays and pick things up and move them, but that's about it. I don't really feel depressed, but I feel physically tired all the time and not up to expending the energy. I thought I would feel better now that I'm taking the vitamin pills every day, but I'm not. I marvel at my sister who gets so much done in one day's time. I used to be like that too.

The dog missed me and has come to lie down beside me on the area rug, which is not the most comfortable place to sleep. He's such a loyal dog. At least I've got him, even if I've got nobody else.

Well, it's late enough now. I'm going to get my pajamas on and have something to eat and take my medicines. Then I'll make myself cozy on the sofa with my book. I am looking forward to that. I hope I have a good night's sleep and that I will feel fantastic in the morning. I'm going to try and sleep all through the night. With a little bit of luck I should make it.

Sleep tight, everyone!

Ciao,
Nora

Another bright and beautiful morning.

I had made a deal with my SPN that I would no longer get up in the middle of the night and stay up and play with the computer until it was morning. This in an effort to get me back to a more normal rhythm in which I might have more energy during the day to undertake things and not be asleep for half of the day. Well, I just about made it. I woke up twice during the night because of night sweats and I had to change the towel I sleep on. The second time I was very uncomfortable, because my arm also hurt, so I did get up for a while and spent some time behind the computer, but luckily, I realized on time that I should go back to bed and I did and woke up at a regular hour. So I did actually sleep a lot, because I went to bed very early last night. I wasn't in the mood to stay up and only wanted to be in bed under the duvet with my book and be nice and warm and read.

Yesterday morning, after I got dressed and walked the dog, I did not clean the apartment as I had so proudly proclaimed. I got my book and laid down on the sofa and read and took a little catnap and Toby took a little catnap on top of me. That's all the effort I put into my morning. When I got up, I had some coffee and cleaned up the kitchen and walked the dog. It was snowing outside and did so for a long time. Still, it was slippery outside in a lot of places and sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my footing and hit the deck.

I left an hour early to go to my SPN as I also had to go past the post office to mail two packages. These will be amongst the last packages that I will send, as I have quit Bookmooch. I was spending such an inordinate amount of money each month sending books to people that it just about gave me an ulcer worrying about it and I decided not to do it anymore. I will take some of the money that I spent each month and spend it on discount books I want at Bol.com. I will feel much better doing that. I have to send a few more books, but that will be it.

Luckily, the line at the post office was very short and I was done in no time, leaving me to make my careful way to my SPN's office. There were some tricky areas where things were very slippery, but I did not fall once, so that was good. I got there early and read a women's magazine in the waiting room. I never read those, except in the waiting room, because they give such unrealistic expectations about what a woman's life should look like. It's life seen through rose colored glasses and it bothers me that there is none of the really gritty stuff of life in them. It's not exactly feminist literature.

When I got home again, I had to call the pharmacist and make sure they had gotten my prescriptions for all my medicines and ask them to deliver them to my apartment that evening. Then I called my sister to let her know that I was home so we could go shopping. It was busy at the store, but they always have enough cash registers open so you don't really have to wait in line. I was done quickly, because I knew exactly what I had to get, which is basically always the same, give or take a little, and I was ready to go in no time. But I had to wait for my sister and when she didn't show up, I thought about giving her a call. Just as I was about to, I saw her blond head in the crowd. She had run into an acquaintance and had a chat and met the little boy who was two and adorable and she wanted to take him home with her. You see, puppies and little kids...

At home I had the fun job of putting away the groceries with the help of the animals and I gave the cats their food in the pouches, which they darn near pulled out of my hands, and the dog got his treat. I got a cup of coffee and watched some inane TV program while I made cigarettes. It's a program for people aged 55+ and they think we're all demented and can only handle very simple subjects. No intellect is required. It's so condescending. The problem is that I watched the whole program. That's how lazy I was and somewhat fascinated by it at the same time, because I kept thinking, you're addressing me? It's the same problem as with those women's magazines, no unpleasant subjects are broached.

This novel I'm reading, "Superior Women" by Alice Adams is really good. I can't wait to start reading it every time I put it down. I'm completely fascinated by it. It's got me hooked. It's a little bit dated, but it still makes for a good read.

It's supposed to get up to 4C today, so that means there should be some major melting of the snow. It's -1C now and the sun is shining. The dog is sound asleep and hasn't asked to be let out yet. I think he is getting a little demented. Sometimes he gets stuck in corners and just stands there or he just topples over. He also wanders around aimlessly in little areas as if he's confused. Outside he falls off the sidewalk and he leans his head into the wrong side of the door to get in. I don't mind. I just keep a closer eye on him. He's still a good dog.

Well, I'm getting sleepy, so I better get dressed and take him out in the fresh air. That will do us both a lot of good. These anti psychotics do make me want to fall asleep.

Ciao,
Nora

Sunday early in the morning...

No new snow fell during the night and we are left with the snow as it was yesterday, trodden on by a dozen feet and compacted by car tires. More snow is expected today and more wind from the northeast. From Siberia, as my sister says. Right now it's cloudy and a mere -2C, so it's not very cold at all. Well, I wouldn't want to go out there in my bathrobe and slippers, but then nobody is expecting me to.

I've been up for quite a while. I went to bed very early last night, finding that I had no patience to watch the television and no energy to blog. I would sleep longer, I think, if it weren't for the pain in that darn arm that keeps waking me up. It radiates from my shoulder, because I know I have a bad shoulder and it hurts too. I may end up going to the doctor with it, even if he says there's nothing that can be done about it. I can't afford physiotherapy, so that's out. I think I will get the heating pad out and put that on my shoulder and see if it helps me any. It's very frustrating not to be able to do anything.

In the meantime, I've had my second cup of coffee, I've fed the cats and petted the dog several times, and I've had a tall glass of multi vitamin juice, which was delicious. I'm imagining that my hair has gotten thicker now that I take that special vitamin pill every day, but that may really just be my imagination. It seems that way to me anyway. It would be really good, because I had a thin patch on my head that really showed up and my mother used to have it too. I guess I'm genetically predisposed. My bad luck. I try to fix my hair in such a way that it doesn't show up, but I'm not always successful.

That special shampoo and conditioner I bought for brown hair work great, though. My hair is keeping the color I dyed it in much better and there aren't any roots showing yet. Usually the color would have faded by now and I would have had to dye it again, so it was worth buying those products. Andrélon has them for blond hair too and you can use those products too if blond and brown or red are your natural colors. It just perks them up a bit. Hey, I should be paid for being a spokeswoman again. I do speak up for a product every once in a while, completely free of charge and hey, hair is dead, you can do to it what you like, it's your scalp that counts.

I put my reading glasses on this morning to read what it said on the tube of ointment that I'm now using for my eczema. Much to my surprise it turned out to be a homeopathic medicine. Now, I hold no faith in homeopathic medicine whatsoever. I don't believe in it, so it is with great skepticism that I will continue using this ointment, but I'm going to give it a fair chance and see if it will do the job. It says that I need to apply it 2 to 3 times a day and so I will. I'm not going to dismiss it outright and say it won't work. I will just assume that it will and forget my prejudice. Stranger things have happened and maybe I will be proved wrong. I used to be very skeptic about antidepressants too, and about mood stabilizers, until I started using them. Once I'm done with the tube, I'll look for an ointment that's based on medicinal herbs. When I'm done with this post, I'm going to look up the main ingredient in the ointment.

Oh well, I just did. The main ingredient is from a plant called Cardiospermum Haliacabum, also called "Love in a Puff" in English. It is a vine from Africa, South America and India and the product of the plant is used there for skin conditions. Well, you learn something new every day. Maybe this ointment will work after all. Except that homeopathic medicine just has the very diluted "memory" of the original ingredient in it. So it's really quack medicine, but like I said, I may be wrong. The ointment is called Cardiflor. I'll keep you updated. At least I didn't go out and buy it, because I never would have.

It pays to always be skeptical in this world and to not believe everything you hear outright. People make so many claims and tell so many stories. It's best to be a cynic and to be your own best advisor and to look up information as well as you can before you accept all sorts of Indian stories. It's unbelievable how gullible some people are or want to be, or just are because they lack a certain amount of common sense or power of deduction. When someone says to me that I'm a cynic, I'm proud of it, because that means the wool can't be pulled over my eyes easily. I'd rather be a cynic than the naive believer in things that I used to be when I was younger and impressionable and not taught to rely on my own powers of observation. Being impressionable is not a positive trait. I say, make your children skeptical and teach them to be cynical. They'll be better armed to survive in this world.

When I was young, I was taught to ignore many things that were just very wrong and I was not allowed to talk about them or acknowledge them in any way. That teaches you to doubt yourself and your feelings and your powers of observation. It also teaches you to accept the unacceptable. You can see how subsequently that allows you to get into all sorts of unpleasant situations when you get older. You doubt yourself too much to put your foot down and demand proper treatment and living conditions. You don't know when you are in an unacceptable situation. You go along with whatever program you find yourself in, no matter how unpleasant it is. It's very awful to be denied the truth of your situation when you are a child, but also when you are older and you don't have the tools yet to extract yourself. You find yourself trying to manage a life that you're not equipped for and there's nobody around to show you that it's not okay, that there's something seriously wrong with it. If on top of that you are naive and gullible and impressionable, you have a very sad situation. That's why I prefer being a skeptic and a cynic and I hope I only become more so.

That was a little observation on life I allowed myself. Now it's time to eat breakfast and go back to bed for a while. I've got to get a few more hours of sleep. First I've got to find the heating pad, but I think I gave it to the Exfactor when he had a backache.

Have a wonderful Sunday and don't let the weather get you down.

Ciao,
Nora

I don't remember...

Yesterday is pretty much a blur to me. I know I spent a lot of time sleeping, either in my bed or on the sofa. It seemed like I could,'t get enough sleep and kept needing more. This normally signals a change in mood, but I haven't noticed anything different yet, although it is early in the morning still and I don't know what the day has in store for me. Early in the morning I am always the same basically upbeat person with a good outlook for the rest of the day and I usually sit here quite happy with my cups of coffee and my cigarettes. It's what happens afterwards that counts. After I've slept some more or not, and how I wake up from that extra sleep.

Yesterday morning I went back to bed, but was woken up prematurely by the Exfactor who came by for a cup of coffee, Needless to say, I was not immediately very talkative. I was still half a sleep and after he left I finished sleeping on the sofa and didn't wake up until 2 pm. Hey, I can't always be the life of the party! Although I will seldom be accused of that.

Basically what I did yesterday was walk the dog, eat, blog a little, sleep some more, and go to bed and some of those things I did several times. It was a very low energy day. Man, if anybody is into cycles, I certainly am. I seem to have very wide apart biorhythms. They don't seem to follow very smooth lines either, the way you see them so neatly on graphs.

The agendas arrived in the mail yesterday. It was great to see how they turned out and I am pleased with them. I'm sending the one for my daughter off in the mail on Monday, weather permitting, because we're expecting a lot of snow this weekend. It snowed during the night and there's a cold wind blowing too, which I felt when I let the dog out back for a piddle. Everywhere they're running out of salt to sprinkle the roads with and they've already used up their quota for this season. In all of Europe, salt is hard to come by. They'll have to order extra for next winter, because it seems like these are the kind of winters we are going to have now. It's all part of the climate change. Hot summers and cold winters. I do so need to live in a kinder climate. I'm sure a lot of you are saying the same thing.

I'm already looking forward to going back to bed for a while. That will be after I take my medicines and eat breakfast. Of course, I got up awfully early this morning. That is because of that pain in my arm and my hand. It disappears after I've been up for about half an hour, though the numbness in my pinkie and my ring finger stays longer. I'm sure it's a pinched nerve and there is not much that can be done about that.

There are times when I think that sleep is the most blessed thing of all. It's so very nice to be lying in your bed under the duvet and feel your whole body relax and get toasty warm. I want to have an extra blanket on the bed and I will look into that shortly, as soon as I get over my agoraphobia. Actually, a nice crocheted one would be the best for the weight and the warmth. I'm supposed to have an extra blanket somewhere. I'll have to dig in the closet and see if I can find it, but it's not really what I want. I'll have to go to one of the department stores to see if they have something useful.

I don't really miss sleeping beside someone's warm body, although it can be very cozy, but in the end I like my own space in bed. I like my covers all to myself and my own legroom. I also like not having to listen to somebody snore. Although I have been accused of snoring myself, but I think that's when I was heavier and had sleep apnea. All in all sleeping alone is nice, though, as long as your bedroom is cozy enough, which mine wasn't when I slept in the other room. That's when I had some trouble sleeping on my own in that single bed and preferred to sleep on the sofa.

Well, I'm off to eat breakfast. Some nice hot porridge to warm my insides. Have a wonderful day, all of you. Don't let the weather get you down too much.

Ciao,
Nora.

For the hell of it...

I am sitting here in my leggings and my tank top, the clothes that I slept in, and I have opened the back door, so Jesker can go out as it pleases him. He has been out there twice, but I don't know what he's done there. He is sleeping under the desk now and I don't know if he is expecting a walk. Sooner or later, I will have to get dressed, but I hope it is later, because I feel so lazy and not at all in the mood to do the responsible things I ought to be doing. That's because it is Saturday and it feels like a day off, almost as if it is Sunday.

I woke up this morning this morning with a terrible pain in my arm and my hand and had to move them in a certain position to get rid of it. I think I pinch some nerves during the night, as I very often sleep on my right side.It's no fun, anyway, and I do not look forward to those first movements. I very painfully move my arm and hand downward and straight and then all the feeling comes rushing back in and that hurts. During the day I have pain in my elbow and two fingers are a little numb. I'm just dragging this out for all the sympathy I can get, you see. It's no good suffering without an audience.

As usual, I'm completely unorganized today and am doing things at the wrong time of the day. I woke up at 11:30 am after going to bed early in the morning and then I didn't take my medicines until 1 pm, when I normally take my second dose. So I am behind myself. Now I'm sitting here writing this when I should be sweeping the floors, but I tell myself I like disorder, that I thrive on it and that it's the sign of a creative mind. God, I love the way I convinced myself of that just now.

I will always reign over a certain amount of chaos. It is in my nature to have it around me, because I don't care enough to clean it up when I should. I am not the creator of it, but I am also not the person who can be held responsible for setting it right. Except when my housewife hormones kick in and I suddenly think the vacuum cleaner is my very best appliance and I need to make love to it.

My plants are thriving, so that is a good sign and I've stopped drowning the ones with the cute little leaves, of which I don't remember the names. They are not losing their leaves anymore and have come back abundantly. I don't dare touch them, in case I do something wrong, but just water them sparingly once a week and that seems to do the trick. The fig plant is turning all of its leaves toward the sunlight that comes in through the window in the afternoon. It gulps water and can't get enough of it. I don't know what to think about the little hardy fern. It seems petrified, as if it is just sitting there doing nothing but looking somewhat green, but not producing any new leaves.I just let it sit there, unsure of what it needs. Sometimes it is all a mystery to me. It's a hit and run situation.

I've managed to make my tobacco last much longer than two weeks. Those are over now and I still have a whole pack left over that I haven't even started on yet, so I'm actually cheaper than I thought I was, which is a relief, because I thought I smoked a lot. I don't know how happy the tobacconist is going to be with that, after all he has to live on my bad habit, but I'll also buy some trash bags when I'm in there next and that ought to make him happy, and some stamps. I must not forget them.

I have not yet found a way to reduce my photos in size. I'll have to ask the Exfactor how he does it. I did open up the photo alteration program, but saw no way to reduce the photos in size. It has a program that is similar to Photoshop built in, so that is very handy. I have to figure out all the ins and outs of that one still.

It's very funny when you install a new browser on your computer. You become a little bit obsessed with all of its possibilities, but when you can't get something to work, no matter how insignificant, it will bother you to no end, and you will think about the solution forever. I can't get it to accept my wallpaper when it just should and I don't know why, so I have to solve that mystery.

Well, I suppose I'll put on some clothes and comb my hair. Maybe Jesker will want to go for a walk. It's a nice day out, not too hot, but pleasant.

I must sweep floors, if it's the last thing I do. These were my last famous words.

Ciao...

P.S. I just got it to accept my wallpaper. Yippee!

To the vet again...

The Überhund and I have been to the vet again. Luckily, the vet is right around the corner, so it is the same as taking him for a walk, so no extra effort for me. I huff and puff and get there in the end. Well, it isn't quite that bad.

We had to wait in the waiting room as there were three couples with cats ahead of us and the poor Überhund just wanted to run out the front door. He pulled at his leash and his whole body was shaking, so I kept him close to me and tried to settle him down as much as possible.

Luckily, some people came in with a Jack Russell and that provided some distraction for the Überhund and made the time go by quicker. He almost forgot to be scared and almost stopped shaking. When the vet came to get us, he very obediently followed me into the examining room, but once he was in there, he sat by the door and wanted to leave again as quickly as possible.

I had used up all the eye drops and his eyes were a little bit better, but the vet wasn't happy yet and now has put him on an ointment that I have to apply twice a day and then go see him again next week. You can see how the Überhund's eyes are still very red and inflamed, so they are definitely not better. Poor guy, I hope he is going to be okay in the end and that this is not going to be a chronic problem.

The thing I am happy about is that he doesn't seem to be in pain like he was before when he was constantly rubbing his eyes. He was very good for the vet, by the way, and allowed him to do everything that needed to get done. He's a good dog. He's a good vet.

While I am writing this, I am listening to dEUS, which is a Belgian band with out of this world music. I am listening to one of my play lists at Deezer, which I can heartily recommend going to. It's fun to look up artists and put together play lists that you can listen to any time you are in the mood. I sometimes forget to turn on the music and sit here in complete silence and then I wonder why I can't find any sort of rhythm in my typing. If I were young and was going to be a groupie, I would be one to dEUS. Either that one or Massive Attack.

Since I am not young and since grandmothers can't be groupies, I will just sit here and listen to their music instead and pretend I am young at heart and foot loose and fancy free.

I will tell you how sore I am today. I am so sore that I've not put on any make up. Can you believe that? I have an unmade up face, naked and all. No eyebrows and no eyelashes. That's how I've gone out into the world, even to that dishy vet. I just didn't give a hoot. I was too sore to care.

The Exfactor came and got the groceries for me, thank goodness. He can be such a help. It really would have been too much for me to do. He has promised to come back later in the week to see if I need anything else. He has also hooked up my new Digitenne for the TV, so now I have 27 Channels plus radio channels. I am sure I would have figured it out on my own, but he had done it himself for his own TV, so it was done in no time at all. It only needed two phone calls to the help desk for what turned out to be two silly little things.

My sweet dog is laying by my feet. If I make a wrong move, I'll run over him with my chair. I got the feeling that he was so proud of himself when we got home from the vet and I spoke to him in high praise. I gave him a treat and told him how well he had done and, of course, I'm convinced that he understands everything I say to him. I always think of him as a three year old child and treat him accordingly. He has some sense, but not always that much, but he means well.

For some reason, I always get the idea that the cats are much smarter, although they may in fact not be at all, but that may be because they seem more independent and seem to have made up their own minds about that. Like they are making the statement that they can manage just fine without me, thank you very much. They come and go as independent creatures who have an agenda that they live by that has nothing or little to do with me. They make up their own minds about their life style and it just happens to include me, because I am the food and drink provider. I know they like me and they let me know that about three times a day, but they don't wag their tail and bark when they see me and think I am the center of their universe. Therefor I think I am a cat, really, because that's how I behave. I would never make someone's loyal dog.

Concerning this poll I've put up, I know I've screwed it up by changing the name and the image, so please excuse me for doing that and vote again and let me know in no uncertain terms what you like. I'll not change anything again now, that was a mistake. Enjoy yourself on the other site with the changing names and images.

Well, that's it for tonight. I am a bit long winded. I don't want to stop writing, but I will.

I'll see you all tomorrow.

Ciao...

In a sense...

I guess in the strictest sense of the term, it isn't Tietze Syndrome that I've got, because I have inflammation of the attachment of the ligaments and with the Syndrome you have inflammation of the cartilage. I am unsure about this whole thing, but the doctor called it one thing and then described something else and it behaves like something else.

Today it not only hurts in my chest and between my shoulder blades, but also in my sides and under my arms. The chest pain is the worst, though, and there is one spot that is very painful. I just took the Überhund for a walk and that was a job and a half and I was exhausted before we had gone half a block, because I can't breathe properly, because of the pain.

Oh, I am making it sound a lot worse than it is, probably, it mostly is a big nuisance. A big painful nuisance.

I slept on the sofa, somehow feeling that that was more appropriate when sick. It was so cozy under the yellow blanket, but I realize that I have to get a better blanket, because this one is small and thin and I need to get one that is a bit heftier. So that will be a future mission. I was up sometime during the night and sat behind the computer doing I don't know what and fell asleep doing it and made it back to the sofa somehow. I am a strange woman who doesn't know what she does during the night, like I am a ghostly spirit that is lost.

The Exfactor is coming over to do some groceries for me, bless his heart. That sure is going to help me out a lot. I would hate to have to peddle to the store right now and haul groceries around with me. I think I better let someone healthy do that. The Exfactor is big and strong, so I can depend on him. He's got the biceps to prove it.

I am looking forward to today, which is almost half way over, come to think of it, but I have to take care off myself and I don't take many opportunities to do only that. To focus just on my body and get it in a comfortable place. The paracetamol helps some and takes the edge off and makes me more relaxed. It is silly for me to be wary about taking pain mediation when I take so many other pills already.

I think I will call in sick for the ergo therapy just for this one time. Riding my bike over there is just too much of a good thing and everybody is allowed a sick day or two. I will miss the discussions, but maybe I can have one on my own. A one sided monologue.

That's all I have to tell you for right now. Have a nice rest of the day and don't do anything I wouldn't do. That doesn't leave you with many choices right now. Sorry about that.

Ciao...