Monday, October 06, 2008

I was going to...

I was going to tell you about my hot water heater and how it had been on the blink since Saturday and how I had been without hot water to do the dishes and to shower and how I had been unable to heat the apartment in the evenings. I got it to work temporarily once by banging on it really hard, but that only worked one time. I know what is wrong with it, but I am unable to fix it myself and need the hot water heater man to come and do it for me, and he has been called today and will show up some time tomorrow. Tonight, after I came back from walking the Überhund, I was cold and out of habit, turned up the thermostat and the hot water heater started up. Can you believe it? It is a freak occurrence and it will not do it again unless I give it the proper bang, but at least the apartment got warmed up. I am ever so grateful for that.

So, that was the story about the hot water heater and imagine always having to go without it and always having to heat water on the stove. Bbbrrr...

I am between moods. I can rightfully say that and know that I am not fooling you or me, because it is completely true. I am neither here nor there and it is an interesting place to be in. It was interesting this morning when I was at creative therapy and I realized at some point that I had forgotten to take all of my medications before I left the house that morning. Nothing realy awful happened, except that I got a little rowdy towards the end, but then so did everybody else and I don't know if that was through my instigation or if they were just in the mood to be that way themselves, but we had fun. We fooled around a lot as if we were real crazy people. When you are really crazy, you can do that.

I'd like to tell you that I took my medication immediately when I got home, but I didn't, because I was distracted by several items that came in the mail and then I walked the Überhund. By this time, the world was starting to take on a bit of a surrealistic glow and I knew I would have to remember to take my pills as soon as I got home, but for some reason I forgot them again and got side tracked doing something else. When I completely lost my ability to remember what I was doing, I remembered that I had not taken them and then I did with a tall glass of juice, because I figured the sugar would be good for my brain and set me straight quickly. Then I sat on the sofa for half an hour and did nothing while I waited for the pills to start to work a bit before I was off on some half baked job that I would be unable to complete because of lack of concentration.

So, that was the story about the pills. I need my pills and not taking any of them all at once is not a good idea.

I got such an affectionate welcome from the Überhund when I got home. It was as if he literally wanted to physically bond with me, because he got as close as he could get and didn't want to stop being petted. I always make a big deal out of greeting him, as if it is the most important thing I can be doing at the moment and, let's face it, it really is. It is like coming home to your child and giving it all the attention it needs. I hope that I was that way when my children were little, I seem to remember that I was, but time may have distorted my memory. I loved the children so much, I loved them to distraction, but you can never let them know how much you love them, because you have to set them free.

Once I am half way through the day and past it, after I have been gone to my therapies and have taken care of some odds and ends when I get back to the apartment, I never feel like cleaning or vacuuming or doing anything important that is going to make it look like an industrious Hausfrau lives here. I just can't be bothered. I tidy up a bit and make it look as if somebody cleaned it in a hurry with a lick and a promise. There is always the everlasting battle with the dog hair and the grit that somehow always gets walked into the apartment by the Überhund and the cats who don't know how to wipe their feet on the rug by the door.

If I want to clean properly, I have to start first thing in the morning. That's when I am in the right mood, but I know I have to make a list of things I have to do that I haven't gotten around to yet, for one reason or another. Mostly because I keep putting them off for some rainy Tuesday. As if you can wash windows on rainy Tuesdays. Pretending the Queen is going to come over for a cup of tea doesn't work anymore, because even I have stopped believing in that fantasy. I've become such a realist lately. I don't care who comes over to see my unwashed bedroom windows. Well, maybe if it were Harrison Ford...yes, yes...whenever I think I don't like men anymore, I think about Harrison Ford naked and I wonder if he is well built.

So, anyway, I had to take a nap this afternoon, because I became completely incapable of functioning with all my gears running properly. I laid down on the sofa and the Überhund thought it meant that I was going to rub his belly, but I was unable to keep my eyes open. Sometimes you just need to sleep for a little while in order to function properly again. I find that when I can't think straight, it is usually because I need to sleep and not because I am going crazy. Sleep is a great big healing machine.

When I woke up, the Überhund was right there, nudging me with his nose, because it was time to go for a walk. Apparently he had been waiting patiently for me to wake up. When we got outside, for a change, it wasn't so awfully cold like it has been and it was almost pleasant to be outside, although still wrapped up in a scarf and jacket.

An awful lot of leaves are falling of the trees now and people are sweeping themselves silly and it makes no difference at all when you live on a street with tall majestic oaks. The street cleaning machine was out there too, cleaning the parking spaces, but it is all in vain, because next week there will be new layers of leaves. It is very pretty and like snow, because you can shuffle through them and the Überhund thinks there is food hidden in them. He may be right, god only knows what's underneath them. Old people especially like to keep their bit of the sidewalk clean and you see them furiously pushing a broom ahead of them, doing battle with the leaves that continue to drop down around them and then they don't know what to do with the huge pile they've collected, except to leave it there in the corner of a parking space.

I've had 3 cookies and 2 slices of raisin bread today and I am not hungry yet. I am going to make a triple portion of Cup a Soup in a while and I make that with little hot water so that the soup gets real thick. It's delicious. I have to find my joys in food wherever I can.

I would tell you about the Tax Office, but I am not in the mood now, so I'll tell you about that some other time. You can't get all the suspense at once.

The day has gone by so quickly, but then it seems that when you get older time sort of speeds by. This morning I had to convince myself for about 10 minutes that it really was Monday already and I was too late putting out the trash. During those minutes of doubt and me not paying attention, the trash man came and silently took all the neighbors' trash. How could I have missed all that noise?

Well, that's enough for me for today. It's been a ramble and I have enjoyed it. I could go on and on writing about whatever pops up in my head, but then you would all get bored and I would not get to my soup.

I am going to very cozily turn on the TV and hope for an English thriller or something in that genre. Silent Witness has been especially good and I always try to remember when it is on, but very often miss it.



aims said...

I see this happening with my brother very often when he forgets to take his pills. Same sort of thing. Can't function - can't think - wanders here and there and in his thoughts too. Good thing the pills bring you back down to earth.

I think animals know when something is amiss and that is why they gather so closely or look at you in that strange way. I try to take note of that all the time in case I've missed something in myself.

I liked your rambling today -

Frances said...

good that you have always got that little bit of you staying alert in there and noticing - so that even when most people would have gone right off you are in time to haul yourself back. I have a friend who stops meds sometimes and then won't back on them until forced to, once off them he loses touch with reality and eventually becomes dangerous to himself. It is distressing to everyone around him who all fear that one day he will destroy himself. I am never sure if he just gets tired of being medicated, or if sometimes he is forgetful and then doesn't remember. Glad you have your little piece of groundedness in there to keep you surviving. Hugs

The Writer said...

Irene, have a care and don't wander too far. Uberhund needs you, as we all do. This is the time to see the colors all around you and soak them in to keep you warm for the winter. I know you are, but I also know some days are harder than others. Hang in there.

Happy wandering!

The Writer...and her dog, Bear

Wisewebwoman said...

Good meanderings, Irene, very good words always.
Glad you are so self-aware.

Babaloo said...

I was laughing with tears running down my face at your paragraph about cleaning windows. How do you get from cleaning windows to Harrison Ford's physique in 5 lines?! I couldn't do it if I tried! Thanks for making me laugh on such a grey Tuesday morning.

Anonymous said...

It's not often I forget to take my daily pills these days. I went through a spate of not taking the evening ones and ended up having a couple of seizures which led to me being stopped driving for 12 months.

CJ xx

Angelina said...

Cozy tv watching sounds good to me even though it's probably not nearly as cold here as it is for you.

All that talk of walking your dog reminds me that mine needs a walk too.

Maureen said...

It's funny you mentioned that movie's name... I was going to suggest you get/rent "Witness" one day; Harrison Ford movie, of course. It's a good one.

And you don't even have to wash your windows. ;)