Thank goodness it's Friday again...

I'm sitting here very cozily with a glass of milk and the dog by my feet. It is already evening but the sun is still shining through the living room windows and it's nice and warm in here. I'm wearing my most summery clothes so I'm properly dressed.

I hope to get a bit of a tan every time I go out with the dog but I don't think I'm succeeding much. I won't look like a very sun kissed person anyway. I'll have to go sit outside for a real sun bath and I don't know if I have the patience for that. I think the only opportunity I'll get for it is when I sit in my sister's garden so I'll always have to be scantily dressed when I go there. 

The weather is supposed to stay good for the whole three day long weekend. It's Pentecost and we have Monday off also. It's about time that the weather turned nice because we've been very impatiently waiting for it to happen. People had been wanting to do their summer shopping but it just wasn't the right kind of weather for it. There's certainly been a change in that now and downtown is filled with shoppers wanting to spend their vacation allowances. 

I've been looking at which films play at the film theater and there's one I may be interested in that's been playing for quite a while. It's called "The best exotic Marigold Hotel." It got good reviews so I may try to go see it. I first am going to ask the Exfactor if he wants to go and then I'll ask my sister. She usually falls asleep halfway through a film so that's not much fun. The Exfactor is a better companion to go see a film with so I hope he'll come. 

The dog has been most adorable today from the moment I woke up and opened my eyes. He was there immediately to greet me as if he had been waiting for me to wake up. I guess he really wanted to start the day. Or he was just happy to see me and get a good cuddle. He's been very affectionate all day long and has spent much time sitting on my lap as if that's the most natural place to be. I guess if you still barely fit, it is not a bad place to sit. 

I have to go take him for his walk now and then watch the eight o'clock news. Those politicians are roughly manhandling all sorts of important issues and it does frustrate me. I have to stay well informed but I wonder how unbiased the news is. You must always stay critical.

Ciao,
Irene

Many words are wasted...

I've got an extremely grumpy mood and I think it's because I just woke up from a nap. I must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed or I haven't had enough coffee yet. The sun is shining outside so it's not the weather's fault. I must drink another cup of coffee and see if that will straighten me out. I can't stay grumpy because I am my own worst enemy this way. If I could kick myself in the rear end, I would do it. 

I don't usually wake up grumpy from naps. As a rule I am quite reasonable. I only need the coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind, not to put me in a good mood. As a matter of fact, I'm a quite mild mannered person and not prone to grumpiness. That doesn't mean that I don't think a person is not allowed to be it once in a while. We can't all be saints. There is a time and a place for everything. A lesser mood does happen when you're a mere mortal. Besides, the Greek gods were famous for their moodiness.

I know I will get over it in no time at all and that this will not last. I'm not going to stay grumpy for the rest of the day. It's just a temporary hitch in the system. Just by writing about it I will start feeling better. And I can always talk myself out of everything, including temporary grumpiness. 

In the meantime, I'm having another cup of coffee and I'm already starting to feel better. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I just made another pack of cigarettes from my dwindling tobacco supply and I think by tomorrow I should be all out of it. Then it will be time for the nicotine patches. I'm lucky that I still have those and that I don't have to go out and spend the money on them because they are expensive enough. 

It's been a great day today in which nothing of importance happened whatsoever and that was fine with me. I watched the news updates a lot because politically there's a lot going on right now and I do want to stay informed. It looks like we're going to have elections on September the 12th and that gives all the parties time to prepare for them properly. Having elections on June the 27th was pushing it a little bit. Personally, I'm more than ready to go out and vote but there are always those floating voters who can't make up their minds. 

When the sun disappears, it immediately gets colder in here and I've had to turn on the heater. I have the feeling I should be eating hot soup or other hearty winter fare. I have at this moment a terrible craving for a stew or a chowder and I wish I was in the States so I could easily take care of it.  I guess I'm in the mood for some real American food but that is hard to get. I wouldn't mind going to a Denny's right now and having my pick of the menu. 

I think that's all I have to share. I've got to put my bathrobe on over my clothes so I'll be warm. I'm a great sufferer of the cold.

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

Actually...

It's already halfway through the evening and it's still light outside. The sun keeps setting later each day. I do like it because it gives me hope that summer is really on its way. You wouldn't think it was springtime the way the weather is behaving, although the temperatures are only a little bit below normal for the time of year.

I've only watched the news to see what was happening politically in the country and didn't see the weather forecast so I have no idea how the rest of the week is going to be. 

The prime minister turned in his and his cabinet's resignation to the queen this afternoon. Her acceptance should be a mere formality. A lot of political parties want elections as soon as possible but others say to wait until September. There are the Euro Cup Football half finals on the day they picked in June.

I'll not bore you with the politics of my country. I'm sure you're more than bored enough with the politics of your own country. Or maybe you get excited about them too like I do. 

The dog ate a banana and an apple. I asked him if he was happy in English and he mistook the word "happy" for the word "apple" which is pronounced almost the same way in Dutch as it is in English. Of course I had no rest after that until I had peeled him an apple. 

He did eat some of his regular food but not until I threw away what was left over and put new food into his bowl. He is picky. He does require new kibbles every day. Everything has to be as fresh as possible. The cat is the same way and right they are. 

I ate vanilla pudding after the Exfactor went to the grocery store and bought it. It's my major downfall and what I really like most of all. After I've had it, I'm happy for the rest of the day. I don't have that with any kind of other food. It's completely satisfactory and filling. 

I've decided to give quitting smoking another try. I'm going to finish the tobacco I have left and then start on the nicotine patches. I have enough of those for the first two weeks. This will be the third time that I try it and that should be a charm. I sincerely hope I make it. Spending the money on the tobacco is killing me. 

I hope you're all having a good evening.

Ciao,
Irene

In the mood...

I'm always the most comfortable when I tell you that I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It sets the stage, sort to say. I've taken a nap and now it's almost evening. Outside the sky looks threatening and it wouldn't surprise me if we got another terrible shower that we seem to get every evening. 

Inside it is a little chilly because I don't have the heater turned on yet. I don't know why I'm being so stubborn. I guess I'd rather sit here and freeze my buns off but the cup of hot coffee is warming me somewhat.

My mood is neither here nor there. It's unimportant and I'm not going to waste any words on it. The less said about it the better. 

This weekend the government collapsed and we will have new elections. A lot of people have been waiting for this to happen, including me. I was not too fond of the government and I hoped it would collapse. Still, I was pleasantly surprised when it did. 

It collapsed over the budgetary cut backs and how severe they were going to be and believe me, they were. Now it is hoped that all the other political parties come up with their better alternative budgets so we can make sensible decisions. 

Because of the summer holidays, the elections won't take place until September at the earliest. Everyone will get the time to prepare themselves properly. I already know which party I'm going to vote for, so I'm more than ready to.

There was also a train accident at the Central Station in Amsterdam. For some reason there were two trains on the same track that hit eack other head on. There were many wounded and a lot of them severe. For now it is unknown how these two trains ended up on the same track but there's going to be an investigation. 

So, despite the fact that I spent a lot of the weekend sleeping,  I did manage to stay well informed. I watched the news as events unfolded and took naps in between. I did miss most of the sports that were on but I'm going to watch the highlights tonight. A couple of football games were played today and I want to know their outcomes. 

Except for the news events, the weekend was quiet and went by quickly. I suppose I'm ready for the week to start. I'm not thrilled about it and frankly don't care much one way or the other. I suppose my mood could be better. I'm sure I'm affected by events more than I realize. 

Have a great evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Revenge of the awful dog...

I've tried to get a good night's sleep for a couple of hours now, but every hour or so the dog woke me up with some excuse or another. I tried to ignore him, but I finally gave up and got up because I could not stay asleep any longer. I will try again later when he has settled down. 

I'm sitting here yawning, but this cup of coffee I'm having should help that.The dog is asleep by my feet. Hopefully now he will be sweet and docile. The cat is sitting on the kitchen counter eating her kibbles. To her it doesn't matter if it's day or night. She does what she pleases when it pleases her and bothers no one. She's easy. 

I must say that I'm glad the weekend is over, although it did go by quickly so it wasn't a long ordeal to get through. Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was just an ordinary weekend like so many others. The most pleasant thing I did was take naps in the afternoon which got me over the tough time of the day when I never know what to do with myself.

Now that I don't read anymore, my books stand forlorn on the bookcase and I no longer get lost for several hours at the time in literature. I often think I will never read another novel again because I absolutely have no interest in them. It's like I don't want to get lost in them and be cut of from reality. I feel that I constantly have to be in touch with the here and now. 

I do like to watch sports on television. I feel that's very actual and real. I hardly feel like I'm escaping. I also like to watch cultural programming, but again, I feel like I've got at least one foot in reality and I'm not lost in a dream because the programs are very objective. It would be different if they were lyrical journeys. I like very factual things, although that's very different from how I used to be. I used to watch television to escape and now I watch it to face reality. 

That must be why I like news programs so much and political talk shows. I do squirm when politicians are interviewed in depth. So few of them are willing to come right out and give a straight answer. They don't like to be pinned down. I dislike evasive answers and the politicians who give them. I do like good interviewers who don't back off. 

I suppose I'm wide awake now and I will have to drink milk to get sleepy again. At least the dog has settled down. I will have to go find my bed and get under the duvet and sleep a few hours before the personal helper gets here. 

I hope you will have all had a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

The quietude of the night...

At this moment of the night, I'm blissfully unaware of everything that goes on in the world, as opposed to the daytime when I'm regularly watching the news and staying up to date. There's something to be said for blissful unawareness, though I wouldn't want to be permanently stuck in this state. After a while, it would make me feel highly uncomfortable. 

I always want to know what those dratted politicians are up to. And the movers and shakers of this world that I'm part of. I may not be able to do much about it, but I will be well informed. I feel that I can guard myself against any calamity that hangs over our collective heads. More than one calamity hangs there now, so I feel I must be well guarded. I must not be caught unawares. 

For now I can relax and enjoy the uncomplicated nighttime. That's what the quiet solitude is good for. The darkness encapsulates me and makes me feel safe. No political monsters can get to me. All the Dutch ones ought to be asleep. As for the other ones, they are beyond my control. You will have to vote all of them out of office if you so please. Or start a revolution, as is being done in so many places around the world right now. 

I slept well enough for a long enough time. I went to bed early and was asleep in no time. This has to do with the fact that I'm mostly not interested in what's on TV at night. I couldn't care less about most of it. It absolutely makes no difference if I watch those programs or not. It won't make me a better person if I do. I won't be better educated or better informed. It might help if I switched channels more, but I'm too incurious to do that. Let's face it, I'm just not a good TV watcher and nobody should depend on me for the ratings. 

It was a nice enough day yesterday. The weather was still warm, although I'm more than ready for it not to be and look forward to it cooling off, which it will start to today. Then it will be possible to wear some decent clothes again and to dress properly. I do look forward to wearing warmer clothes and can't wait to pull something substantial out of my closet. I do have all these clothes to choose from and I don't want them to go to waste. Although doubtlessly they won't once it is cold enough for a longer time.

The leaves on the trees are changing colors rapidly and they are dropping off quickly too. The sidewalks and gutters are covered in them. It's a lot of fun to walk through them with as much noise as possible. The dog likes the piles of leaves too. He thinks something is hidden in them. I have the hardest time pulling him away from them. 

I've decided not to go to Specsavers for my new glasses, but to go to the optician that my sister went to. I think they have a better selection of frames to choose from and I want something that's not so ordinary. I called my health insurance company to find out how much they reimbursed and it turned out to be a pittance and that is even with the additional package of insurance that I have. I was much disappointed and sorry to find out that everything is costing more money now no matter how well insured you think you are. Needless to say, I'm dropping the additional package at the first opportunity I get. I've got better uses for my money. 

I made an appointment to have the dog's fur trimmed because it is getting a bit long and I do want to get it done before it gets too cold. He always shivers afterwards and I want him to be able to grow some of it back before it becomes winter. I won't have him trimmed again until it's springtime. I don't want the poor thing to suffer from the cold.

That about sums it up for me. I've got to think about going back to bed for a while. I'm expecting the Exfactor later this morning who will do the groceries for me. I've run out of cheese and I'm definitely getting some more of that. It was a nice addition to my diet. The dog and I enjoyed it both. He gets the last bite. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

I need a cup of coffee...

The dog and I went for a long walk this afternoon in the warm sunshine. We came home very hot and bothered and needed some time to recuperate and cold stuff to drink. The dog laid down on the cool linoleum in the hallway and I laid down on my bed in the cool bedroom. 

After about an hour, I was sufficiently operable again, but the dog is still taking a nap and I don't really know if he is quite himself yet. He has moved around so I know he's not comatose. He's just not showing any interest in anything. 

This morning I trimmed the hair around his eyes and it was so funny afterwards to see both his eyes look at me all big and round and not have the spiky hair be in the way. I imagined that he got a better look at the world. His hair grows quickly and I have to keep track of it carefully. Before you know it, he's looking through the woods again. 

I drank the last of the coffee this morning and have been drinking green tea with lemon since then. I must say that right now, I do miss the coffee and really could use a cup or two. I can't believe I forgot to put coffee on the shopping list. It's a weekly staple. 

Oh, the dog has gotten into action. He's just jumped on the dining table to look out the window. He must be fully recuperated then. That means we can have a good cuddle in a little while. I do feel the need for one. He can get on my lap and we can have a good smooch. 

I've got to watch the 6 o'clock news. We're having a minor political drama, so I have to get updated. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

Conversations in the night...

I had gone to bed early and had been asleep a few hours when the dog woke me by very gently and quietly barking by the side of my bed. It was almost as if he was afraid to wake me up but had to do it anyway. It turned out that he had to go out back to do a piddle and when he was done, he wanted a milk bone as a reward. He got one of those because he had not had one that day. 

I got back in bed, but the dog decided to be cozy and got on the bed also and sat on my head. I moved him off, but he stuck as close as he could, making it hard to breathe. He wanted to be cuddled, but I was not exactly in the mood for that. I tried unsuccessfully to go back to sleep with that animal breathing down my neck and his fur tickling my face. I finally gave in and got up and now he's sound asleep in the armchair, as innocent as the puppy he still is in many ways.

I wonder if he wanted me to get up because he's so used to it. I'm supposed to guard over him while he soundly sleeps in the armchair and the cat sleeps on the sofa. It is sort of a ritual that we have developed. I may have taught him bad habits. The whole time that I'm up, he does nothing but sleep deeply and snore and I'm his guardian angel. I suppose he likes being in the living room better than the bedroom. There are better places to sleep. 

This was a short course in how to analyze your dog's behavior. He's now lying down by my feet and I can't move for fear of stepping on him. I'll have to wait for him to move again before I make any other radical plans tonight.

Of course, I don't have any radical plans for tonight. I never do because I'm an obedient citizen and I never do anything wild and out of the ordinary. Besides, so much is legal here that I would really have to do something crazy to be really radical. I'll most likely have a very quiet night sitting here having only adventures in my head and daydreaming about what I would do if I were completely at liberty and obviously, I don't hang out with the right people. You do have to move in the right crowd, one that is equally minded. 

Sometimes cynicism seems to get the upper hand and I don't know if I have any ideals left.  I think I may have a shortage of them, but it's not good for a person to only be a cynic.  You can't dismiss any kind of political and social movement because it tries to unify an idea and I'm not talking about populism, which is a very bad idea and a bandwagon I won't get on. 

I hoped that there would be a bigger rise from the ranks of the female population in all levels of politics and industry and that this influence would change the course of decision making, but I don't see it happening.  That's still an ideology I want to believe in, but I'm not necessarily happy with the quality of women that are rising to the top. They only want to seem to prove the point that they are as tough as men are. Truly incompetent men, at least politically here in the Netherlands. I'm tired of men in gray suits with solid ties and their token female equivalents. 

Enough of that seriousness. It's too heavy a subject so late in the night.  It needs more frivolity than that. 

I'm awfully short of frivolity, though, so I better stop writing. I'm getting a bit tired so it may be necessary to go to bed. I always say that and never do until the wee hours. I always feel compelled to stay up longer and get into more trouble. Tomorrow is Saturday, so it doesn't matter what time I get up. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

As you were...

It's late at night and I'm sitting here slightly drowsy, but not enough to go to sleep. Actually, I may be too agitated to go to sleep and I may want to enjoy the quiet hours of the night more than lying in bed. I have also been known to have a stubborn streak, because I did lie in bed for about an hour and decided to get up again because I was bored and not patient enough to wait for sleep.

There's nothing worse than lying in bed and staring at the ceiling while you can't fall asleep. I was not serene enough to keep lying there. I petted Tyke to pass the time, but that was boring after a while too. There's only so much attention you can give to a dog before you grow tired of it and want to do something else. I decided to get up and pass the time behind the computer until I was good and tired. 

I watched some entertaining television and went to bed late thinking that would do the job of putting me to sleep soon. Apparently this did not work. I had my head full of impressions and it would have been better if I had sat quietly in my armchair and had read my book. I must remember that for the next time. Television can be a great agitator and it takes a while to get over it. You really need some peace and quiet after you've watched it. 

I passed the time very quietly today and did nothing out of the ordinary. I walked Tyke three times and would have walked him more often, but we ran out of time and daylight. I did walk him after dinner when it was already dark, but that's the latest I take him out and I stick to the most familiar streets. I'm not very brave at night. The later it gets, the less brave I am.

I hardly had any chores to do today and I didn't really go looking for them. I figured that it was Sunday and that I didn't really need to do any. I did the little bit that was necessary and called it quits. I spent some time taking a nap that I had not planned on. It took me by surprise as I thought I had gotten enough sleep the night before. I never know when my unpredictable mind needs more of it. 

I was supposed to have gone to see my sister today, but I never did get around to that, so I had to call and cancel. That's the first time I've done that. I wasn't really looking forward to riding my bike over there with my bum knee and the nap got in the way. I think I was forgiven. There will be another day to go over there. I was feeling very much like hibernating today and not coming out of my cave too much. That's typical for a Sunday, especially if it's a dreary one like it was today.

I do feel like I wasted a large portion of the day doing nothing much of anything, but I'm not going to feel bad about it. I did watch one political program and I do feel that I got better informed because of it, so my mind was fed a little bit. I would watch more of them, but on Sundays it's mostly sports that are on during the day. I am getting quite informed about them. I can even stand the post-discussions about the various football games, as long as they have intelligent people doing them. I don't like a lot of hype and excitement. 

For a single, middle aged woman, I watch a lot of football. I don't know if I would watch as much football if I were attached to a man person. I enjoy watching it on my own and providing my own commentary about the different plays and penalties and discussions about schwalbes. I haven't picked a team that I'm especially a fan of, though I seem to root for the underdog a lot. I also don't have a favorite player yet. I will be following what the national team is doing closely. 

I have to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow when the personal helper and the domestic help will be here. They will help me pass the time of day, so that will be good. They're good for a diversion. My personal helper is good to talk to and we usually find some subjects to discuss. I do lose a bit of my privacy, but that's a small price to pay for the company and a clean apartment. The domestic help always stays and talks too. She tells me about her boys and I always have tears of laughter when she tells me about their shenanigans. They are quite a handful. 

I will end this post because it's gotten quite long enough. I can sit here and ramble on all night long, but there comes a time to stop. I'm not quite sleepy enough yet to go to bed, so I'll have to amuse myself a while longer. No doubt I'll find a way.

Sleep tight and have a good morning.

Ciao,

Nora

Sleeping must be very overrated...

Yesterday I did the chores that I had not been looking forward to and some of which I had been putting off for a while. By putting them off, I had made them much bigger in my head than they actually were, so when I finally got around to doing them, I was finished with them much quicker than I had anticipated. They turned out to be relatively simple and I was well prepared and organized, because I had been agonizing over them long enough.

I must let this be a lesson to me, because it always turns out to be the case that nothing is as bad as it seems and I am always quite capable and in charge. I don't know where I get the idea that I won't be able to deal with something. That whatever needs to get done will be too difficult. By pushing it ahead of me, I only make it worse until I give myself a good kick in the pants and get it done. 

I have two chores to do today and I know I will get them done, because they are very simple and straight forward and I can envision myself doing them. I can see the beginning and the end of them. They are manageable. They don't resemble anything remotely chaotic, which I would dislike very much. My home life is actually very orderly and one in which I can function very well. 

It is due to the good care of the domestic helps that the apartment is always in such good order. I'm able to keep it that way myself by being very clean and organized. I don't like it when things get beyond my control as the odd thing sometimes does. I'm not a typical Dutch housewife, though, and if it weren't for the domestic helps, things would get out of order quickly and I would not be able to set them to rights by myself. 

Because I finished the book in my sidebar, I chose a new book to read from my many unread books on the bookcase. It is Melissa Bank's The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing. I don't actually know if I'm at the appropriate age to be reading a book like this, because it seems to be more about the struggles of younger women, but it sounds very interesting and it got good reviews. I'm ready for something completely different and anything that has some psychological depth is welcome. The novel I read before Laurie's book was completely lacking in it. I think that was Where the Heart Is by Billy Letts.

I put the new book down on the table beside my armchair along with my reading glasses, but then never got around to reading it, because I got distracted by other things and the day went by quickly. I hope to start reading it today and, as a matter of fact, am going to make a point of it. I will set apart some time to, because my mind wants some other stimulation besides watching television. It's been engrossed in watching the developing revolution in Egypt and the international politics of my own government and that of the European Community. 

Tyke seems to know when it is weekend and I have time to spare and he demands his share of it. That means he wants to play with me and have extra cuddles. He finds all sorts of ways to get my attention and I have to give him points for innovation. You can see him sitting there thinking about it. We play ball a lot and if I ignore him long enough, he does drop it by my feet so I can pick it up and throw it again. We also wrestle over rawhide bones, but I always let him win. He's a little dog and I'm a big person. I can stand to lose over a rawhide bone. 

I think I will go back to bed now and sleep a few more hours. It's not nearly time to start the day. Besides, it's Sunday and there's no rush. The neighborhood will stay quiet for a long time. 

Have a nice day today.

Ciao,

Nora

Just be unruly...

It's early in the morning and I'm having my third cup of coffee, soon to be followed by a tall glass of cold milk. I can only drink so much coffee before I'm completely satiated with it and don't want another drop of it. It does mean that I'm wide awake for now and that all the marbles in my head are in their proper place. There aren't any rolling around unguardedly creating bumps and dents. Everything is pretty solid up there and when I tilt my head, I hear no alarming noises, nor do I suffer from vertigo.

Having established that, I think I can safely write a blog post and try to make some sense of it without making it too complicated so early in the morning when the world hasn't even woken up yet. It is Sunday and things will stay quiet for a long time until the church bells ring for the first mass. I will be sound asleep again by that time, as it is usual for me to go back to bed and get the rest of my beauty sleep in, not that it's helping a heck of a lot. Whatever beauty I had has faded with age and is irretrievable. I don't mourn for it and age gracefully. There aren't any other options. 

I very obediently had a quiet night at home as is befitting of a middle aged woman, and I spent it watching harmless programs on television.  They're the sort of programs made for people who don't have anything better to do on a Saturday night, but who need to be entertained anyway, without being taxed too much. It's called amusement and what would I do without it? I pretend to be more interested than I really am, but it's really a good way to pass the time and sometimes I am mildly amused. Sometimes I even care. I'm glad I get to decide for myself what nonsense I get to watch and that there's no one here to critique my choice of programs, because it doesn't all have to be very challenging. I can imagine that if I lived with someone else, I wouldn't watch half the drivel that I do, and honestly, sometimes drivel is good.

I did watch the news twice. One time in the condensed form and one time in the more expanded form. I do try to be well informed. Between it and what I hear on the radio, I think I am. I like watching the news, as I'm very interested to know what's going on around the world and politically in my own country. Not that I feel that I have that much power over it, but I don't like to be caught unawares. I'd like to think that just knowing about it makes me a better person and in the end, because everything is connected, better able to vote when it comes down to it, because we are so internationally oriented. I do like to hear the backgrounds and that is why I like the political discussions on the radio. 

I'm drinking cold milk now and very good it tastes too after all that coffee. I think coffee does make you thirsty as it has the tendency to dehydrate you. It is great if you're retaining water.

I think I'm ready to get back into my warm bed. I haven't had the heater on the whole time I've been up. It has been warm enough in here still. For some reason it didn't cool off that much during the night, even though it's freezing outside. It's going to be another cold, sunny day. I will walk Tyke in my warm winter coat with my gloves on. That's for later, first I'm going to sleep some more. 

Have a good morning.

Ciao,

Nora

More coffee, please!

I'm brewing a pot of coffee and I have to be patient for just a little while. It will be done in the shortest amount of time. That's the drawback of having an ordinary coffeemaker, that you do have to wait, even if it really isn't for such a long time, but I am a modern human being and I want instant gratification. It's as simple as that. Even I at my age am a product of this era and I want everything available instantly.

That makes me sound like an impatient person and I'm really not. I can have infinite amounts of patience and wait endlessly for some things, but when it comes to the little comforts in life, I guess I'm not patient at all.

In the meantime, I have my cup of coffee and I can get on with things. I don't want to get bogged down in a treatise about patience and the virtue thereof and the benefits for those who wait. Much has been written about it already. You sure don't need my two cents worth on it. 

I've slept well, but I don't know if I've slept long enough. I had some trouble falling asleep last night and I got up after lying in bed feeling very bored and trimmed the hair around Tyke's eyes so he would be able to see better. I imagined that he was very grateful for that and as a result he wanted lots of cuddles and petting, so I laid in bed and provided that for half an hour.

My stomach was upset because of the fruit juice that I had just before I went to bed and I was forced to drink a glass of milk to settle it. That did help. I listened to an interesting political discussion on the radio and slowly drifted off to sleep. I won't get into the long, drawn out subject of the political discussion. A not so popular solution was found to solve a problem that could have ended the majority rule of the government. The opposition is digging in. Swords are being sharpened. There will be a debate. It will lead to nothing. 

That's not such an upbeat subject to blog about. Let's change it to something else. 

Contrary to what I thought, I don't have any appointments today, so today is a day off. I will do laundry and take a shower and wash my hair and generally try to stay out of trouble. I think I will go back to bed in a while and sleep some more. I have the feeling that I'm not quite done yet. I always do get sleepy after I've taken my morning medication anyway, which I just did. 

I can't drink another sip of coffee, I'm so full. My gastric band must have shifted, because lately I've been getting that feeling quickly. Or maybe I just don't handle coffee as well as I used to. I'll switch to milk and see if that makes any difference.

This is turning into a boring account of nothing special at all, so I'm going to end it now and go back to bed. 

Have a good morning!

Ciao,

Nora

Feeling groovy...

I got up after having gone to bed early and Tyke thought that was a sign of action and started to get all excited. I had to ignore him and wait for him to settle down again, which he has now done and he is asleep on the sofa. I don't know why he thinks all sorts of things are going to happen in the middle of the night, because they never do. All I do is give him a rawhide chewy and hope he settles down again. He's a darn stubborn dog with a one track mind. It's stuck on having fun.

I was asleep under my nice clean sheets, but woke up nevertheless and had to get up. There was no sense in lying in bed waiting for sleep to come again. It will take a while for it to return. I don't mind and gladly get up for this middle of the night interlude. I will do my real sleeping when I go back to bed. What I've done now is take a long nap.

I've given it some thought and have decided to stop smoking. It's taking too much of my budget every month and I can use the money for other things. I will order nicotine patches at the pharmacy and finish up my tobacco that I still have and then quit smoking. For some reason I'm not at all fazed by this and I think that I can do it. I have a tremendous amount of confidence in myself and think that I will succeed.

It will mean that I and my apartment will no longer smell of smoke and that things will no longer get grimy because of it. I will be able to launder everything and have it smell fresh and apply air freshener to everything else. I'll get rid of the ashtrays that are always so smelly and I will be able to paint the living room and the hallway without having them turn brown again. And in the wintertime I will be able to close the windows without having the place smell bad. There are so many pros to quitting and there are so many cons to smoking, but the money is a big motivating factor. It's wasted now and that is a shame. It's going up in smoke, quite literally.

So that is my big resolution.

I had a quiet day yesterday. I didn't do anything exciting but change the bed and do a load of laundry that I forgot to hang up to dry, because there was till laundry hanging to dry on the rack in the bathroom. I have to take that down first and may do that in a while. There will be nice clean clothes there as well that will be tempting to put on in the morning. I can't wait.

I spent the afternoon watching a boring baseball game and reading my novel. The baseball game was truly boring and doesn't match up to American baseball and seems kind of amateurish in comparison. These guys could not play in the big league. I also watched some of La Vuelta, and that was a little bit more exciting. At least you get to see the scenery come by as the racers climb the mountains.

My book is good. There are some very dicey parts in it that I was not expecting and make it more than a feel good novel. I don't quite know how to deal with these elements in this book. They seem out of place and interfere with the happy ending that I assumed there would be. It's a bit more complicated than that and for some people life seems awfully unfair and very traumatic. I need to keep on reading to see how this resolves itself. If it does.

I walked Tyke in the fall sunshine and the somewhat chilly wind. I did wear a jacket, although it was a pretty day. Walking with Tyke is a hurry up and stop exercise, just like it used to be with Jesker. Tyke's always finding interesting places to examine for a long time and then suddenly runs off to the next place. He has unbounded energy and I have to keep up with him.

I just realized that I forgot to put the trash out and I wonder if I will do it now that it is in the middle of the night. It's kind of scary to go out there. I don't really have a full bag and it can wait until next week, I suppose. I won't be awake on time in the morning before they come to pick it up at 6 am.

I have to mail three books tomorrow for Bookmooch. I want to do that in the morning before the domestic help gets here, so I can't sleep too late. I do have to get up at a decent time. I'm sure I will not have to set my alarm clock but wake up on my own and get out of bed if I'm motivated enough. I'm going to have tea in the morning, because I'm almost out of coffee and the Exfactor is not going grocery shopping until Tuesday. He'll also come bearing gifts for my birthday. I asked for tennis balls for Tyke to play with. We've misplaced the one he had and he misses it a lot.

The try at the formation of the right wing coalition has failed and a lot of us are very much relieved. Now we start all over again and another sort of coalition will be attempted. All sorts are possible, but it will not be a right wing one, those chances are gone. Parties to the left will have to be involved and that will be much healthier and truer to the outcome of the elections. We can only keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best possible outcome. The government agreement has to be fair to the greatest amount of people and not just to an elite few at the top. It's not the little people who should pay the price for the economic situation, which is how the right wing coalition would have wanted it. It smacked of American republicanism, to tell you the truth. I don't think we want that kind of situation in this country. I'm more bound and determined to always vote socialistic as I see it as the fairest system for everyone in general.

Enough politics. I don't want to alienate anyone with my personal opinions. This is supposed to be a lighthearted blog.

I'm sitting in my bathrobe, drinking a glass of milk. It's 21C in here and the windows are still open at the top, although it is 11C outside. Isn't it amazing how warm it stays in here? I haven't had the heater on yet and will not for a long time. We're not expecting rain until Tuesday and today it is going to be 21C and sunshiny. I've got the perfect outfit for that kind of weather.

I love to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about the kind of clothes I'm going to wear because it makes me happy. I do so because I think I will look pretty, assuming somewhere along the line that I'm not this middle aged woman with this less than perfect body, but a tall woman who looks good in her well chosen clothes. I have all sorts of illusions that I'm more than happy to live with and that don't need to be burst like bubbles or pretty colored balloons. I'm happy to live with my self image, which is good and which I never test to reality, because there's no such thing. There's only the concept of self and that's all that counts.

I'm not nearly ready to go to bed and I think I will hang up the laundry. I'm afraid my schedule is turned upside down. I'm awake for the better part of the night and getting sleepy towards the morning. I feel alive during the night and enjoy myself too much. My mind is keener and I feel better. Possibly my ancestors were nocturnal. Maybe they were pub crawlers and didn't come home until the wee hours of the morning.

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

Before the morning starts...

I'm up before it's even dawn and no doubt this will necessitate me going back to bed sometime today to sleep some more, but never mind. I do have the time to do that. I have no appointments and no one coming over. It's a free day. I will go back to bed when I feel that I can't stand on my two legs anymore and that I will fall asleep while I'm doing whatever chores I find to do. In the bedroom the radio is softly playing, so I can go back to it whenever I please.

I didn't sleep for a long time. I had to go to the toilet and let Tyke out back and then I was so wide awake that I stayed up. I'm always so full of curiosity and action when I get up at that time. It's like I can't wait to start the day and wait for the sun to come up to shed light on it. I'm too impatient to stay in bed, no matter how nice and comfortable it was in there. I'm definitely an early morning person.

If I had a garden, I would be out there first thing with my cup of coffee and do whatever I could to make it look better. Pinch off dead flowers, remove dead leaves, pick out snails, admire my handiwork. I'm going to fertilize the soil of my flowerbeds next spring and plant shade loving plants there, never mind that Tyke will probably pee on them. I'm an optimist and assume that most of them will survive. I will pick hardy plants that can take a beating.

The peanut butter sandwiches worked out well. I can eat one if I cut off all the crusts and feed those to Tyke who gladly eats them up. One is just enough and then I'm full, but I savor each bite and I can eat again a couple of hours later. I forgot how good peanut butter tastes and how well fresh wheat bread tastes. It's a pure luxury to eat those things and I'm in 7th heaven when I do. I have a glass of cold milk to go with it and it is very good, though I can hardly finish it. The gastric band does restrict me and that's a good thing, because I would have many peanut butter sandwiches if it didn't. I do have a tendency to find my solace in food and now I can't. I just have to be creative with the foods that I can eat and find ways to get full and get my nutrition.

Yesterday afternoon I sat in my armchair by the light of the reading lamp with a tall glass of milk and read my novel. To make myself more comfortable, I had the armrest pillow of the sofa at my side so I could lean against it. I had put a pillowcase around it that fit it perfectly and matched the decor. The pillow is always picking up cat hair and Tyke likes to toss it to the ground so it gets dirty easily. I have to find the matching pillowcase for the other pillow. I'll have to dig into the closet where I'm sure it is. My complimentary colors are red and yellow.

I read my novel and I'm sure caught up in it. There is a terrible secret in it that's bound to be revealed in the end and we are slowly being led to the revelation, but not without there growing a terrible misunderstanding. This evolves out of a sense of shame and madness. Actually, you get the sense that one of the main characters of the book is really a terrible woman and that she must be very mad indeed, but I suppose I will understand it better in the end. I don't feel a lot of compassion for her as yet. She irritates me terribly and I find little excuse for her behavior. But that's me looking at it with my 21st century eyes. The novel takes place in the early part of the 20th century when norms and peoples' motivations were different.

The formation of our government is at risk. That's a good thing because the coalition that's trying to be formed is a very faulty one in my eyes and in the eyes of many other people as well. It would be a coalition to the right with the support of an extreme right party. Now there is some serious backlash from the members of one of the coalition partners who say that you can't seriously govern with that extreme right party and stick to the principles of the constitution. There is a crisis. It seems that nobody, including the queen, ever took the attempt at this coalition seriously and didn't think it would go as far as it did. Unfortunately, power hungry people did and are very eager to rule the country and be prime minister. A dangerous game was played and now we have the almost disastrous results. These are grown up boys playing at politics and seeing themselves as very important people. I think it is very risky and they need to be stopped. I hope and pray for a good outcome.

I seem to have pulled a muscle in my shoulder and it won't stop hurting. I think I need a good massage, but I don't know anybody close by who could give me one. I may try some pain medication and see if that will relax it some, because it tightens up the muscles in my neck too. There's always some ache or pain somewhere in my body. Well no, I shouldn't say that. Sometimes there is. I'm sure everybody else has the same problem. It's just a result of living and being a human being. My back recovered well and I can sit behind the computer again without any problem. I took some pain medication for it and that cleared it up in no time. I will try to do the same thing for my shoulder.

I hope you all have a terrific day with beautiful weather, but rain for those of you who need it badly.

Ciao,
Nora

Clueless in the Netherlands...

Just when I assert that I sleep so well during the night and that I don't feel the need to get up and sit behind the computer in the middle of the night, I do and I have no clue as to why that happens. I do know that when I woke up, I was wide awake and had no sleepy bone left in my body. I had no wish to go back to bed once I had let Tyke out back for a piddle. I simply had no desire to sleep anymore.

It's kind of a shame, because I was just starting to develop a good sleeping habit that seemed to agree with me well. I was up all day without a nap and asleep soundly at night until a decent enough time in the morning. It was all of very short duration, but it showed promise of a regular life.

At least there's one thing I can count on and that is that my day and night rhythm never stays the same for a large period of time, but is always in fluctuation. I suppose that is the nature of the beast and I will have to be flexible and adapt. There's no need to get in an uproar about it, but just go along with the program as much as I can and sleep when my body and mind dictate it. If I fight it and get upset about it I will just turn it into a problem which it doesn't have to be.

I probably didn't have enough things to do yesterday for the amount of energy I had. I did try to fill up my time with useful things, but ran out of chores to do and the interest to do them. I even went around the apartment and looked for clothing and other items to make up a load of laundry that I could do and when I had that together, also stripped my bed so I would have another load to do.

In the morning I went to the drugstore and bought a very good shampoo for light blond hair and some hairspray and dog treats and two candy bars. I also stopped by the tobacco shop for the pack of tobacco that I had already paid for and that they still owed me. Those were my outings for the day, besides walking the dog. I tried to think of other reasons to go out, but they all cost money and I didn't want to waste it.

One of the first things I did was wash my hair with the new shampoo and it gave my hair a nice sheen. It brightened it up a lot and I'm glad I got it. There's no need to color your hair when you have a shampoo like that that enlivens it. Of course, your hair has to be the right color to start with, otherwise it doesn't work.

Tyke was happy with his treats. He figured I had brought something home for him and practically dove into the shopping bag when I carried it in. He was so excited, but then I usually do have something for him when I came home with a bag of shopping. He's not the least bit spoiled and even Gandhi thinks there's always something for her there. I had to disappoint her, though, and gave her fresh kibbles and milk instead.

I opened up my mail and was pleased to see that I have an appointment for an intake for the creative classes on Wednesday, so that was arranged rather quickly. I thought I would have had to wait longer than that. There's movement in the right direction. All I have to do is keep my resolve and not chicken out.

I puttered around the apartment doing odd jobs. They all added up to something. Tyke had destroyed the book I was reading and little pieces of it were lying all over the bedroom floor. What is that I said about him no longer being a puppy? It was a fun job cleaning it up and I will be unable to finish the book as portions of it are missing.

I try not to be devastated about this and picked out another thriller to read last night. Kathy Reichs' Devil Bones. It's going to be a good book, that much I know already. The main character of the book is a forensic anthropologist and that very much interests me. She's also a 55 year old woman. That's even better. A role model for me.

I applied my open and approachable policy yesterday when I was at the store. I tried to remember not to have any walls up when I talked to people and was friendly to the cashier. I smiled and made small talk. It doesn't come easy, but I try it anyway.What you get in return is friendliness. I have to practice this a lot until it becomes second nature. I have to walk around in public with a different attitude. I was the same way at the tobacco shop, but it was easier because I come there a lot. Still, there's room for improvement.

I realized I have a defensive attitude when I go out there. I shut myself up and I'm not as friendly as I can be. I create a distance between myself and other people. I'm not engaged. I have to stop that and become involved and acknowledge their presence better in their interactions with me. I'm not a gray shadow who can just come in under the radar without making a ripple. I am a presence too and I have to let myself be known and show my true colors.

Well, I have my work cut out from me. In the meantime I practice living in gray areas with little highs and lows. I have no wish to bounce from one extreme to the other and don't let any sort of high or low set the tone for the rest of the day. Everything is temporary and for the moment to which it applies. A mood in the morning doesn't determine the rest of the day. I'm not held hostage by it and none of the moods need to get out of hand.

I'm going to do the dishes in a moment and clean up the kitchen. I think I will then go back to bed for a while and sleep some more. First I will have some breakfast and watch the news on TV. I will tell you about the horrible government we are going to have the next time.

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Later in the day...

Very early in the morning I took a shower and fixed my hair into a punk style hairdo with a lot of hairspray. I picked out my clothes for the day. Several layers to be nice and warm and one of them was the long sleeved flowered dress that I hadn't worn for a long time. It fit me great and I wore a black sweater over it with a very low cut V-neck so the dress showed up well.

It was a good thing I wore several layers and my leather jacket, because when I took Tyke out at 6 am for his walk, it was cold outside and my scarf was not a luxury item. We made a longer walk and enjoyed the peace and quiet of the early morning. Hardly anyone was out there but a little traffic and some newspaper delivery people. We didn't meet one other dog and his owner.

Tyke likes this walk, because it takes us past the white horse in his meadow and Tyke is fascinated and scared of it at the same time. We always stop and look at it and usually the horse walks up to the fence to greet Tyke. Tyke is very weary of him and to hide his fear he ends up barking at him, at which point we promptly leave so as not to wake up the whole neighborhood. It's quite a bit of excitement.

Then we reach a stretch of grass where everybody must walk their dog, because I can't get Tyke away from there and he pulls at the leash if I try to move him from a particular interesting spot and there are many spots like it. It's a battle that eventually I win by persistence. You wouldn't think that a 13 kilo dog had so much strength in him.

When we got home, I turned on the computer because I had to order some new bras because of my weight loss. I had become less endowed. This doesn't bother me, but I do want to fit well in my bras. It looks ridiculous if they are too big. I found the right ones in the right size and I also found a set of two sundresses in two different prints for a good price and ordered those as well. I can wear cardigans and leggings with them, or sweaters on top. I ordered them in a smaller size than the rest of my clothes are, figuring I am ready for that. My other clothes are getting too big.

Then I laid down on the sofa and took a little nap. Just for an hour to get over the worst of my momentary dip. That's all I needed and when I woke up I was completely over it again. I felt fine and did some chores. Mostly decluttering the kitchen and the living room and taking care of the trash.

Then Toby managed to knock over a dining chair and it knocked over the plant stand which caused the plant to fall on the floor. The plant landed upside down and the pot broke. I said, "Bravo, Toby, you did a good job. Encore!" I swept up the shards and the dirt and found a different pot to put the plant in. Luckily I had one and this one won't break because it's made of aluminum. The plant doesn't look too bad and I think it's going to be okay. It did make me realize that I had over watered it and that I need to let it dry out, so it was good for something.

The personal helper got here and she had gotten a haircut which made her look a lot younger. I told her so and I must say that a good haircut can do wonders. We sat and talked for a while about how the week had gone and then took Tyke for a long walk through the next neighborhood. Tyke and I walk quickly, I realized, and she had a hard time keeping up. It wasn't warm outside, so it was pleasant to go for a walk and I could have gone much further than the 50 minutes that we walked, but we weren't wearing the right shoes for it. We'll go for an hour the next time.

Shortly after she left, the Exfactor got here. I was watching Germany play Serbia in the World Cup and it was an interesting game. We watched it while we talked, because we're not that fanatic. We didn't miss any of the exciting parts, besides, there were repeats immediately. There were many yellow cards and one red one, all deserved. Serbia won. Germany didn't start to play well until the second half when Serbia defended very well. Tomorrow The Netherlands play Japan in the afternoon. I will be watching and commentating.

I made a deal with my personal helper that I would clean out some of the dresser drawers and organize my photographs that are in there somewhere. Most likely I will be doing that this weekend. I'm looking for the last photographs I have of my son. I was going to show them to her today, but couldn't find them because the drawers are so unorganized. That's terrible. I must get some order into them. I will get a trash bag and throw away everything that is obsolete and useless. I will show no mercy.

It isn't cold in the apartment, but it feels as though it is. I still have the windows open at the top, but there's not much of a draft. Still, my feet are cold and I should put on some warm socks. There are kids playing outside without their jackets on and I wonder if they are confused or if I am. I could have sworn it wasn't warm enough.

Alright, I will see if I can catch the latest political news anywhere. Attempts at coalition forming are still going on and it's starting to look very interesting. We may become much less right oriented than was originally feared.

Have a good rest of the day.

Ciao,
Nora

Sleepless in the Netherlands.

Well, here I am in the middle of the night wide awake for a change. I shouldn't say for a change, because I'm more often awake in the middle of the night, aren't I? I do make a habit of it sometimes. I slept for a couple of hours and woke up and was as bright and bushy tailed as a raccoon on a food hunt in the suburbs. I couldn't wait to get up out of bed and get the coffee machine started and turn the computer on. I was ready to live during the night for a while. What the morning will bring is of later concern. Maybe I will collapse, but I don't care right now. I'm throwing caution to the wind.

I was lying in bed last night and couldn't sleep at first. I kept telling myself that I had half an hour to fall asleep, but I couldn't get comfortable. It was too hot with the covers on and then it was too cold with them off. I made a compromise by having them half off. I tried to meditate, but my mind kept wandering to other intruding thoughts, so that was not a success. I tried to make a deal with the Higher Being to show me Nirvana, but that was to much to ask. I finally just went to sleep.

I was awakened by Tyke who was pestering Gandhi. He does pick the most opportune moments for that. When he realized he was caught, he tried to be a little puppy and cuddle up to me in bed. I would have none of that and got up to go to the bathroom, seeing to my dismay what time it was. But then I did not despair and decided to make the best of the situation and to just stay up and amuse myself. There's always something to do in the middle of the night if you use your imagination.

I answered my emails first and luckily there were enough of them there to keep me occupied for a while. I do try to draw out that process when I have the time for it and because of the time differences, I hope for some responses the same night. It keeps me busy. Sometimes I like nothing better than having a good long chat via an email, especially if it's reciprocated. Some people are very brief, which causes me to be brief also, but there's really no reason why I can't answer in a longer email. I just have to use my imagination.

I always feel so good in the middle of the night. I don't have a care in the world. Everything that I may worry about during the day doesn't exist during the night. Not that I have that much to worry about during the day. They are just the minor issues of life. No head breaking things. They're just little obstacles to be got over. They are so minuscule that they are hardly worth mentioning. They are midges and not mosquitoes or deer fly. Fruit flies too in the green waste basket. They've come for the apple peels, but where they come from lord only knows.

Today my personal helper is coming, but my domestic help will not be here. That's why I need to do the chores. It's a good thing to have someone check in with me and keep me on my toes. I could slip into an attitude of nonchalance easily and let things slide. It's good that I know someone will be here to see if I'm holding up my end of the deal. I do have a tendency to put things off indefinitely and never get around to them. I wasn't always like that, but this seems to be me in my new incarnation. Before I was always walking around with a damp cleaning rag in my hands, even if I was on the phone, especially then so I didn't waste time. It was a bit neurotic.

The weather is going to be much cooler for the next 5 days. temperatures around 15 C. I don't mind. It just means wearing more clothes and that is easy. It's taking clothes off when it gets hotter that's the problem. I like getting dressed up, so I'm fine with it. It will give me the chance to wear some clothes I haven't worn in a while. I'm thinking of one colorful, long sleeved dress in particular. I haven't worn it since I've lost weight and I'm curious as to how it will fit me now. There are a few things in my closet that I want to try out since I've lost weight. It will be a whole new discovery.

There's no chance of a right wing coalition, thank goodness, so now the Liberal Democrats will have to form a coalition government with the parties to the left, which is much more to my liking. Which ones they are exactly going to be is not clear yet, there's to be some major negotiation. I hope for the best and that the parties I trust most will be chosen. Somehow they have to make it work or there will have to be new elections and those may not turn out so well. I hope wisdom reigns. Hopefully the queen will exercise her influence and steer everyone in the right direction. She's well informed and modern enough to know what that should be and she has her advisers.

I think I will take a shower now and get dressed in my finest duds. It may take me a while to put an outfit together, but I have time. It is early still and the birds are singing. The sun has just come up and the sky is still overcast. Doubtlessly it is cold outside. I will dress warmly when I take Tyke out for his walk.

Have a good day you all.

Ciao,
Nora

The Blues.

Here I am sitting with my third cup of coffee. I've taken my medicines and am trying to feel good, but I'm somewhat, no quite, disgusted with the outcome of the elections. My party has lost with one seat and now the Liberal Democrats are going to deliver the Prime Minister and be in charge of forming a coalition government and it can go either way, from the right to the left, it's up to them, whatever gives them a majority to rule. Of course, they'd like a government to the right, but they may not have enough partners and compromises may have to be made. That means governing with the left and that will be okay, as long as the left doesn't have to make too many concessions.

For a long time, well into the night, the race was even and it looked like it was going to be a draw. This morning I heard differently. I can't stand the sight of the leader of the Liberal Democrats and hate to think that I'm regularly going to have to see his face on television and find out what draconian measures he is going to take to "save" the Netherlands. I'm very worried and shudder at the thought of what those measures will be. He cuddles the rich and penalizes the poor. That's the kind of man he is. Since I'm the poor, I expect the worst. That's all I want to say about it now, no doubt I'll talk about it more later when the cabinet formation has been completed.

I don't know if this is the sole thing that's upsetting my equilibrium so. I'm quite out of balance and feel very uneasy. I feel as if I'm getting a little bit mad and not quite in touch with reality. I have cotton balls in my head where my brain should be and my thoughts are muffled as if I have sound absorbers in my head. That would be the cotton balls then. It can't be such a shock to my system that the Liberal Democrats have won that I'm going to go mad over it.

Of course, I haven't quite felt like my old self for the last few days. I've been a bit unbalanced and at times in the danger of being quite depressed and I've only gotten over that by being very careful with myself. I've had to be very focused on staying in the here and now and not let thoughts of other times take the overhand. Memories keep wanting to push their way to the surface and they aren't pleasant. I know I'm in trouble when this happens and I have to fight them by very much staying in the present and not pursue them when I catch myself thinking about them.

Sometimes I feel momentary despair as if I'm looking at something very scary or as if I'm reminded of something very unpleasant. It's the way my thoughts want to take a run with me now. I think this is a chemical process and that I'm fighting a physical phenomenon. It doesn't seem to have anything to do with the reality of my situation. I may as well blame the weather, which may not be that far fetched. There's a reluctance to fully participate in life and a hesitance to go outdoors, but instead to hibernate inside and to be safe inside the apartment, which is of course impossible, because I do have to walk Tyke. He will always be my saving grace.

I mustn't be quite as serious as that, though, and tell you that I do manage to get through the day alright in the end and that I do sleep well at night now. Maybe not as long as I'd like, but I don't stay up late or wake up real early. And I have to add that Tyke seems to have left his destructive days behind him and become more mellow, which is quite a relief. He ignores most temptations and seldom does anything unlawful anymore. He's not an bandit anymore.

I am managing and I am maintaining a status quo, precarious as it is sometimes. I will not be defeated by this upset. I assume everything will turn out alright again as soon as the sun comes out again from behind these rain clouds. It's just a temporary dip, most likely. I mustn't think that this is a long term downward turn.

I've got to get dressed now and walk my trusty four footer. I washed my hair and can't do a thing with it. I look like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. Like a nun.

Ciao,
Nora

Election Day!

I slept 7 hours last night. I went to sleep at 10 pm and had to go to the toilet at 1:30 am. It crossed my mind briefly to stay up, but then dismissed that as a very silly idea and went back to bed and was asleep again in a second after my head hit the pillow, so you can see what a very silly idea that had been. Can you imagine me even considering that? It's a good thing that even I have some common sense.

When I got up, I was really ready to get up and the first thing I did was turn on the computer because, god forbid, I can't miss those first few hours behind the computer. I made myself a cup of coffee and was ready to be woken up properly and answer my emails. Now, however, I've started to yawn again and I've just made my second cup of coffee, because I don't want to go back to bed to sleep some more. Enough is enough.

This morning I have to go vote. It's very important that I do. I'm not going to vote for the party of my choice, but for the party that stands the most chance at beating the Liberal Democrats and that I won't be unhappy about seeing as the coalition leader. If they deliver the prime minister, then that's okay with me. Their coalition will be one I can live with. It will be a socialist coalition. So, I'm voting strategically. The Liberal Democrats have the same attitude as conservative American Republicans, so I don't know why they call themselves Liberal Democrats. It's very misleading.

This afternoon I have a date with my friend Yvonne on the Our Dear lady Square at our favorite café. It's been a long time since we've met there, I won't even attempt to count the months, and it's about time we saw each other there. It will be nice to sit out on the terrace and have our coffees and watch the people go by while we chat. I'm sure we'll have a lot of chatting to do, although we have seen each other in that time. Yvonne is a loyal friend and has been there for me when times got rough. The only problem is that it has started raining and it's supposed to rain on and off all day today, so there may be a problem getting there on my bike. I'll have to wait and see how that turns out.

My mood seems improved. I don't have that confused feeling anymore, nor that feeling of being overwhelmed. It seems that sleep always restores a lot and I think that maybe it is better if I start taking naps again during the day, because I think I'm pushing past my energy levels. It's not physical exhaustion that bothers me, but mental tiredness and that can be very draining. It tends to mix up your feelings and to impair the way you cope with them and to also bring the worst of them to the surface. It makes a mess of your thought processes and keeps you from thinking clearly and coming to the right conclusions.

That's what exhaustion does to you. It takes a long time to catch up on a missing night's sleep, is my experience. It upsets your whole biorhythm. I suppose some people are more sensitive to that. Me being one of them. I don't do well with changes anyway and need for my life to be very predictable and have everything go the same familiar way day in day out. I do, at times, have an adventurous spirit, though, and used to like roaming in my car and go wherever the road took me and see whatever there was to see. As long as I had my dependable car to transport me. I haven't driven a car in more than 16 years and with that have given up a lot of my freedom.

Well, I have to go wash my hair and get dressed and then Tyke and I are going to walk to the voting place. Keep your fingers crossed for the fate of the Netherlands today. A lot depends on it.

Ciao,
Nora

More sleep!

I slept 10 hours last night. I know I keep mentioning how much I've slept, but it's still a big deal to me. I've gone from being an insomniac to being a sound sleeper and it is really a pleasure. When I wake up in the morning, It is always a bit of a suspenseful moment to see how much I've slept, because I can't tell by the way the light enters the bedroom through the blinds.

Yesterday was a pleasurable day. In the first place I just enjoyed the newly arranged living room and I can't tell you what a difference that made. The furniture was made to sit in this place as it is all in balance now and looks so much less cluttered. It is a pleasure to keep it clean and that's what I did yesterday. I dusted a lot of things and picked up little clusters of dog hair, because even Tyke is losing a bit of hair now. Not nearly the amount that Jesker used to lose, though. Tyke doesn't even come close and that's a blessing.

We walked to the flower shop and I bought two new plants, a spider plant, also called a zebra plant, and a creeping peperonia, which I had never heard of. Both plants come with care instructions and the man in the shop said to only water them once every ten days. I'll have to check the soil regularly and make sure they don't dry out. When I came home, I realized I should have bought one more plant to replace one that is barely hanging in there, so that means one more trip to the flower shop. Tyke enjoyed the walk very much, because it took us through a couple of streets that he had not been on before. There was much sniffing and leg lifting.

I put the spider plant on the dining table and Gandhi proceeded to eat the tips of the leaves as if it were grass. It didn't make her sick, so I assume it isn't a poisonous plant. I was very grateful to her for disfiguring my plant. Not.


In my effort to clean up the living room, I made a bit of a mess of the dining table with odds and ends I picked up and I have to set that to rights today. There's a cabinet I have to clean out, but I'm not really in the mood for it, because I don't know what to do with the stuff that's in it. It's a frustrating job. Things get shoved in there as well as they fit at a peril. Sometimes I have too much junk and I'm not proud of it. I'm all for decluttering as much as possible. There's this cabinet and a chest of drawers that need to be decluttered. I'm thinking large trash bags, but I've been thinking that for awhile and haven't got around to it yet. So you see, I'm putting off the unpleasant jobs. Don't we all, though? Far be it from me to be perfect.


It promises to be another beautiful day, though not too hot, but pleasantly warm. The sun has been shining non stop, but there's a cool breeze blowing. It makes you undecided if you need long or short sleeves, though optimists will say short sleeves. I get cold easily since I've lost my insulating layers and need a cardigan quickly, especially inside where it stays cool for a long time. I have to go see my psychiatrist this afternoon on my bike and will probably wear a jacket because of the wind. I also have to stop by the pharmacy and the tobacco shop, but they are on the way.


I'm going to change my clothes before I go, because I'm in the mood for something totally different. It's so nice that my clothes are so easily accessible now. All I have to do is take one quick look in the closet and see immediately what the possibilities are. Right now I like to wear summer dresses best with leggings underneath them. I feel very free and easy with them on. I've stopped wearing my boots, because the weather's too nice for them now, though some women still wear theirs. It's really whatever you feel like. There are no rules.


I'm going to wear my short black and gray summer dress and my gray Turkish pants and black sandals. I'll have to find a necklace or a light scarf to go with it. I can get excited about putting together an outfit and getting dressed. It's one of the little joys in life that counts for so much. That and having your hair turn out well when you fix it in the morning.


When your life consists of enjoying small pleasures, each one is important. It makes the awareness of the bigger calamities more bearable, because you can't be blind about what goes on in the world, yet you need to arm yourself against it somehow by being a sane human being.


We stand a chance of being governed soon by a coalition led by the Liberal Democrats, which to me is a disaster and I can't believe the possibility exists. I shudder in horror and hope a lot of people come to their senses before they vote. The country is going to be taking a bad turn if it happens, yet people are going to be voting for them driven by their fears. And that is only a close to home story. Worse things than this happen.


Well, after that happy announcement, I've got to get the show on the road. Chores await me. There's always something to do. I do want to relax a little bit, though, in having to be so organized. I can't become compulsive. It does have to remain enjoyable.


Ciao,
Nora