Sunday, November 23, 2008

Good Morning!

It's good to be up again after a good night's sleep. I was up briefly in the middle of the night, but I slept for a long time and didn't wake up until 8 AM. That's late for me.

The Überhund has piddled out back and I am still sitting here in my bathrobe, which is very cozy and I hope to stay in this condition just a while longer. That is, if the Überhund lets me and I've just made another mug of coffee, so I hope he will.

I fell asleep watching the Junior Euro Song Festival on TV last night. Actually, it wasn't that boring. Not as boring as the real Song Festival. At least these kids were fun to watch and the song I liked best ended up winning. That's because only 50% of the call in votes counted toward the final outcome, the other 50% of the votes came from a professional jury. I guess I didn't explain that right, but I can't be bothered to figure out that one. The Netherlands had a very decent song, but I don't know where we ended up. I'm sure it wasn't at the bottom, because we didn't deserve that.

I sometimes watch the real Euro Song Festival, but most of the songs are so predictable and so are the winners, who nowadays all seem to come from the Eastern European countries. The Netherlands never has a decent song anymore. All very predictable ditties. They are Song Festival songs, as if there is a formula for them and they are written and composed accordingly. Frankly, I don't care who wins, it's just not that important, it's not politics, after all, or is it?

Well, there was no layer of snow to greet us this morning and it is officially freezing outside, because it is -1 degree Celsius. The sky is overcast, so it could snow in theory, but I kind of hope it doesn't, because I don't know if any of my boots are waterproof. I think the really dressy ones are not, but I don't know about the funky ones. They look like they should be...

It's wonderful how warm the apartment stays even with the heater off, as long as it has been heated the night before. The way it is situated between a house and the other apartments really makes it insulated and, of course, there is no wind outside. There is just a deadly calm, like a silence before a storm. It is hard to imagine that some of you will get up and pull on your shorts and a T-shirt. The hardest months to get through are December and January and the latter is tough, because there are no holidays to celebrate, until some time in February when it is Carnival. The rowdy drinking festival with all the confetti.

I suppose that I should be in a period of mourning now, because a year ago this month, the Exfactor was commencing, or securing, his affair with the Paramount without my knowledge, but with my grave suspicions and my great load of insecurity. Somehow I don't feel a lot of grieve right now. I'm sure I have some buried way deep down inside of me, but looking back on it now, it all seems like a comedy of errors. I am not disregarding the pain I felt, but it all seems like it was such a waste of time to have gone through. I blame the Exfactor's dishonesty for that.

I am not confronted much with his deed. I don't have to see them together or walk by the place where the Exfactor lives now. It is all taking place a long way away from me. I live here securely in my own life in my own apartment and can choose how much I want to know of the reality that takes place out there. I can even pretend it doesn't exist and that I don't need to break my head over it. I think partly I do that, because when I do see the Exfactor, I don't waste time thinking about his other life.

It would bother me very much if he were to marry her. That would be shocking to me and I dread the day that this will happen. That would confirm the fact that he is lost to me forever, even though I know in my heart that he already is. I pretend he isn't. I pretend I have the power... is time for me to get going. Even though it is Sunday, there are things that need to be done. I am going to make it an uneventful day. A day of rest.

Mwah and ciao...

P.S. Please vote in the poll on the top left hand side, thank you.


Frances said...

Chilly in many ways over there. Keep warm and positive dear heart.
Love and hugs

Mad Asthmatic said...

Chilly but sunny here, no sign of snow in the south of England but i believe those up north are seeing a bit of the white stuff. Glad you had a good sleep. Hope today is good for you.

Stinking Billy said...

irene, the whole of Western European countries should pull out of the Eurovision Song Contest. The pathetic vote-fixing by those in the east has made it a complete joke. Let them get on with it, I say!

Connie Rose said...

So Eurovision Song must be your version of our American Idol. Crap! Especially the early episodes where they purposely put on folks who stink so they can dis them to the world. What BS.

Anyhow, re: your life now compared with a year ago...I see you in a very much better place now and getting stronger all the time, albeit not without the normal human ups and downs that come with grief. But you can't take it/him with you in the end, so relax and focus forward on YOUR path, and let him play his life out the way he needs to, whatever that might be, remarriage included. You're free of it. And who's to say that if he marries the P. that he won't eventually cheat on her?

Love & hugs to you.

Bev said...

LOL The Poll. I have voted.

Lots of snow here, everything is lovely. Long live snow! My dog likes snuffling in it and ends up with a snowy nose. But he always wonders why on earth everything is white when he leaves the house. He remembers that you can throw snowballs like a ball so spent the whole time barking at me to throw him a snow

We live in a terrace house and are insulated from both sides so need little heating during the day. A great way to save on your heating bill. A flat must be similar in this respect.

aims said...

What comes to mind is a scene in 'When Harry Met Sally'.

Sally gets news that her ex is going to marry the girl he left her for. She throws herself on the bed screaming and crying "What about me?" even though they haven't been together in ages!

It is always the same. We always want to hold 'something' over an x's head. Always. Be secure in the fact that you probably always will no atter what Irene. Even if he were to marry her - he will always have that place in his heart for you. That is the way of the world.