Chilled to the bone...

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes at the end of the afternoon. I thought initially that I was going to need a nap but once I had some caffeine in me, I quite perked up and now I feel like a million dollars. I haven't been in such a good mood for quite a while and it is very welcome. I won't analyze it because it's too precious for that. I will just accept it for what it is and enjoy it. 

The coffee tastes very good and I think with this cheap little coffeemaker I can't make a bad cup. It's really a primitive little thing and I really should get a much better one but it does turn out good coffee. I really think it's because of the measuring spoon that it came with. I'm finally getting the amount of ground coffee right. I was putting in way too much before and made coffee that knocked my socks off. 

The domestic help has been here and I can now look forward to the weekend which in my eyes has already started. I have the rest of this day off and I can do with it as I please. I will take advantage of that and totally indulge myself. I do feel I deserve it after a long suffering week of many moods and much stress. I sure as heck don't want to repeat that any time soon. Whose idea was that anyway.? 

The day went by quickly but it always does when you're in a good mood. The time flies by and I didn't get up all that late either. It rained in the morning but I paid it no mind and took the dog out between showers. The grass had been cut and all the buttercups and daisies in the fields were gone. I do dislike that because they looked so cheerful. I thought the buttercups especially looked very nice. 

The sun has come out and it is shining into the living room making it a little bit warmer in here. That does make a difference and I wish it would come out earlier in the day. When it gets chilly, I feel like putting on all my winter clothes and I´m sure it´s the wrong time of the year for that. You want to stay optimistic because it´s May, regardless of what the weather does. You dare the sun to come out and show itself. 

If I were downtown now, I would sit on a café terrace under an umbrella and have a hot chocolate. Then I would participate in our favorite sport and watch the people go by. That reminds me that I haven´t been to the movies in a while and I have no idea what´s showing. I must look on the film theater´s website and see what the latest movies are. 

It´s time to eat. I must feed my body too. I can´t live on coffee alone. 

I hope you´ll all have a good evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Moving on from here...

I'm fortunate enough to be able to put the past behind me and to move forward or at least to live in the moment and to not get lost in thoughts of what has been. Now that I think about it, I think I very much live in the moment and that I spend not much time thinking about the future while I maybe really should. I'm always so concerned with feeling good right now at this moment that I don't spend much time looking ahead. Maybe I should do a little more of that. Sometimes it is necessary to make plans.

I have to write things down in my agenda in order for them to get done. If I don't do that, they will go unnoticed and stay left undone past their due date. It's because I'm oblivious of their importance and don't remember that I have to take care of them. I even have to put taking out the trash in my agenda or else I'll forget.

When I say that I can put the past behind me, I don't mean that I don't draw any lessons from it. I do ponder on it a bit but I don't get stuck in it. I don't beat myself up over it. There is closure and I try not to let it play a too important role in the rest of my life. I don't want there to be too much of an onslaught on my mind about what has been unless it involves pleasant memories and I do treasure them.

Not many pleasant things happen in my life which is mostly just a long and boring journey. I must say though that I'm the one who wished it to be like that. After having had a very eventful life with many ups and downs it seemed like a good alternative. I would like for my life to be more exciting but excitement covers a lot of ground and it could go either way. You don't always choose the events that take place in it. Sometimes things can go seriously wrong.

I suppose that's all I have to say today. The dog wants to go for a walk and I have to take him and then watch the news.

Ciao,
Irene

Cheerfulness at midnight...

I'm in a cheerful mood as I sit here in the middle of the night with my cup of coffee warmly ensconced in my bathrobe. That's good news because I went to bed last night in a not so good mood and with a headache for which I took a paracetamol. I dreaded the thought that my mood was going to go downhill and decided that sleep was the best solution for it. I was right and now I feel much better. I have sparks of hope all over the place. The world is my oyster again. 

So, it's with some amount of cheer that I sit here and write this post. I can take my time doing it too because it doesn't matter what time I go to bed. Tomorrow I have no appointments in the morning and I can be as lazy as I want to be, bar the fact that the dog will have to be walked at one point. I do so like being in charge of my own day, at least the mornings when I can get started at my own speed and not have to rush. 

I did something kind for myself yesterday and signed up with Glossy Box.nl. I will start receiving a pretty box once a month filled with five beauty products especially selected for me and every box will have a different content. These include skin and hair products and perfumes. I think it will be fun to await the arrival of each box. It will be like Santa Claus comes to the house once a month.

My first Glossy Box will get here in January and I will write a review about it in a post so you will know what sort of things I received. Frankly, I can't wait. I'm curious enough to want to try different products and it's being surprised that appeals to me so. I will be like a kid in a candy store. That's the kindness I will allow myself once a month. I do need something fun to look forward to. The regime can't be all stark and rigid. 

Glossy Boxes are available in other countries so you can check for them where you live. 

To tell you the truth, I like anything that makes me pay attention to the fact that I'm female and allows me to fuss over myself because I have a tendency to neglect that area of my life. Oh, I do pay attention to how I dress, but I don't mess around with beauty products enough and my skin and hair could use some taking care of. I don't nearly spend enough time on them. I have dry skin that could use some help and my hair is fly away and could use some volume. Hopefully there will be some things in those boxes that will help.

I find you always have to make your life interesting. If it doesn't come from the outside, you have to make it happen yourself in the most imaginable ways. I'm already thinking that there should be a glossy box for under garments and I wonder if such a thing exists. I would sign up for it immediately. Just think of all the cute and sexy things you could get. That is for those of us who fit in our bras properly. 

I am going to check and see if there are more ways to make my life interesting that don't cost an arm and a leg. I am on a budget, after all. The thing is, to make your life as pleasurable as possible because things are dire enough nowadays as they are. The way the economy is turning just makes you want to bury your head in the sand and that's no solution. You have to be able to try and afford something special and you can't wait for someone else to do it for you. 

You have to be your own best friend. That's the one thing I learned about living on my own. That's not to sit around and wait for someone else to make my happiness for me because it will never happen. It's mostly in my own hands. Unless you specifically ask someone for something, nobody will be able to read your mind and know what it is you desire. People don't spend their time wondering what your needs are. That's not how the world works. You have to take care of that yourself. 

Well, after so much armchair wisdom, I guess I'll bring an end to this post. I'm not nearly ready to go to bed and will have to find a way to amuse myself for a while. I will drink some cold milk to get myself in another frame of mind. It will give my stomach something to do too. There's always some entertainment in the middle of the night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Better get it straight from the beginning...

It's ever so pleasant to sit here with my cup of coffee in the middle of the night and to think that I'm the only person up in a radius of one kilometer. It's very necessary that I pretend that, otherwise I would not nearly feel the amount of freedom that I do now. I assume that anyone who is up, is also doing so quietly and reverentially in honor of the hour and the solemness of the darkness. He or she must be a fellow nighttime worshiper.

I'm making this statement with some amount of irony, in case that was not obvious. I'm really making fun of myself. I do have a tendency to take these nighttime sessions when I'm supposed to be asleep very seriously and give them more importance than they deserve. I need to lighten up about them and think of them in more humoristic terms. They are not as holy as I make them out to be. As a matter of fact, they are merely times out in my quest for sleep. 

I've switched from coffee to ice cold milk and the drinking of it will change my general attitude. The coldness always works on my frontal lobes. I think that's where the regulation of your emotions is. I probably freeze them and they go into shock. A general sort of malaise and giddiness comes over me. Of course, it all could be in my imagination, although I'm generally well grounded and not given to flights of fancy. At least, that's my own personal impression of myself.

It's with some amount of pleasure that I sit here because today is Friday and that means that it's almost the weekend which still is the part of the week that I enjoy the most and don't ask me why. It just is so.Today the Exfactor will be here and the domestic help and the day will go by quickly. At the end I will have groceries and a clean apartment and what better way to start the weekend? It's the little things like this that are so important to me. 

I'm going to wear something completely different today. Clothes that have just come out of the laundry and that I've looked forward to wearing. I love wearing freshly washed clothes and always feel like a new person in them. This outfit is especially good because it's almost brand new and hardly worn. The newness of it is still exciting. I can get so into my clothes at times, but I'm glad that I still care enough. It's when I stop caring that I'll start to worry. 

I've got to go back to bed. I need to get the rest of my sleep before the Exfactor shows up in the morning. I must get showered and dressed before he gets here. That's quite a feat. I don't know if I'll make it. I'm on the slow side in the morning and can't be rushed. I do need to sit in my bathrobe for a while and drink some coffee. 

I hope you'll all have a good day. 

Ciao,

Nora

The blues are far away...

Up in the wild blue yonder, that's where they are and that's the only place I see them anymore nowadays. Good riddance, they were around long enough to get thoroughly sick and tired of. Every once in a while, I try to call them to the surface to see if they are still there, but they are truly gone and no longer stuck in my head to plague me. 

Now it's just a matter of keeping them out and to do that I have to be as contented as I can possibly get while still allowing for the occasional grumpy mood that I'm bound to have also. Being a human being doesn't mean you only get to be good natured all the time. There are those moments when you are anything but. Hopefully, we'll let those be as short and 'sweet' as they can be. 

Periods of malcontent don't have to last long to make an impact.  One hour of it every once in a while is more than enough. It's best to get them over and done with quickly while taking a stance at the same time. You may achieve a long dreamed of goal. You can fight for something you believe in. The malcontent will get your momentum going. I think that's the original purpose of it and not just for us to be grumpy.

In the meantime I'm sitting here in the middle of the night going about my usual business. I've opened a new package of coffee and made a delicious fresh pot with it. It does make a difference if it's a newly opened pack. The coffee tastes better, or so I imagine. I realize how lucky I am to not have to forgo this simple pleasure. It's the little things like this that make life easier. With all the cuts in the budget, I'm still able to afford coffee. It would be a sad day if I were not.

I've tentatively started reading again. I've picked up where I left off with 'We Were The Mulvaneys.'  Yesterday morning, when I was planning on going back to bed, I sat in my armchair instead and read for two hours while drinking green tea with lemon. I have mixed feelings about this book. I want to like the characters, but I don't know if I'm in sympathy with them. There's some element of passion missing. I hope I start to care more as I get deeper into the story.

I promised myself that I would finish this book because I've left too many unread. I have to finish at least this one before I move onto the next one. I don't think that's too much to ask of myself, even if I do feel a slight discomfort with it. At least I'm trying to overcome that. After I have finished writing this post, I will sit down and read some more. It's pleasant to read in the early morning hours in all peace and quiet. I'm able to concentrate well. 

I'm done drinking coffee and will have my glass of cold milk now so my stomach will have something to do. It always does protest loudly after the first few sips. I don't know why it does that unless it's from the cold. I burp something awful. 

Have a lovely day all of you and I hope your weather will be as nice as ours will be. 

Ciao,

Nora

Being absolutely mellow...

It's with some pleasure that I sit here in the middle of the night drinking my cup of coffee. I have read the blogs that I'm going to read and now I'm ready for the next phase. That is, of course, writing an interesting enough blog post. I don't know if I'm quite capable of it, but I'm certainly in a good enough mood to try it. There's just the little question of pulling it off. 

I've slept enough for now and feel quite wide awake. It's not that I slept that many hours, but I slept quite intensely and very well. I didn't have any weird dreams to upset my sleep either. That is kind of a relief. I could do without dreams altogether. None of them is very welcome. They are all too odd. I'd like to remember not one of them. It must be very pleasant to have what seems to be a dreamless night. 

Ever since I wrote about my craving for cheese, I have the taste of it in the back of my mouth and I have been walking around with a longing for it all day and night. The Exfactor is going to do the groceries this morning, so I won't have to wait much longer for that much wanted chunk of cheese. I will be able to satisfy that craving soon enough. I'm looking forward to it. 

I don't think my cravings have so much to do with the weather, because it has been nice, as they have to do with the time of year and the angle of the sunlight. That must trigger some hormonal changes that tell you to start hoarding your body fat for the winter. That makes sense, doesn't it? I feel like some primeval woman who listens to the call of nature. We must have those urges lying not so deep within us still. 

Yesterday was a nice enough day. I got through it without any mishaps like I often do. There's not much that can go wrong in the simplified version of my life. As long as my mind treats me right, there are no complaints from me. It's when it gets cluttered and crazy up in my head that things go to hell in a hand basket.  Quitting the tranquilizers and increasing the anti depressives are the two best things I've done in a long time.

There are daisies and dandelions in the fields again and some purple clover and wild yarrow too. This makes my walks with the dog more cheerful. I always look to see how many of them there are and if they are spreading at all. I also look for other wildflowers but am unable to identify them. I still haven't got that book that I need in order to do so.

It's time for me to go back to bed. I always manage to sleep a few more hours in the morning but am able to wake up not too late. I do become coherent soon enough to get dressed and walk the dog at a decent enough time. It's to the point now that he counts on that. 

Have a lovely day all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

What I like...

I guess I like taking a nap in the afternoon almost better than anything else. I love the way it breaks up the day and the rest I get. I always feel good when I wake up and really enjoy the first hour or so after I get up. Normally it's about time to take my evening dose of medicines too, so the timing is perfect. 

I have a cup of coffee first and then take my medicines. In the shortest amount of time I feel right as rain. I also know that nothing complicated lies ahead of me. All I have to do is walk the dog and eat dinner and get through the rest of the evening. That's easily done by watching the news and a few other non consequential programs. Not that the news is that kind of program.

I suppose there are a few simple pleasures in life like that, such as drinking a glass of ice cold milk when I'm very thirsty. Or eating a bowl of chicken and pasta soup when I'm hungry. I know those things will satisfy me instantly. They push my 'happy button' and make me feel good. Taking a nap does the same thing. 

*

I just took the dog for a walk and it was actually very nice out there. It was warmer than I expected and I wore too many clothes. I will have to put on something completely different because what I have on now will not do at all. It's time to wear skimpy clothes again. I've got just what I need all ready to put on from the last time it was warm. I had not put away those things yet. What foresight!

The rain that we had has not helped the grass in the fields yet. There are big brown spots all over. On top of that, it has recently been cut, so that doesn't help it much. A lot of the daisies are gone as a result, much to my dismay. The buttercups faired better. I like it when they leave the grass longer and the wildflowers get a chance to grow. It looks so much cheerier. 

I guess walking the dog is a pleasure in life too and it pushes my 'happy button,' although I never think of it as so. I usually think of it ahead of time as a bother and something I must do. Afterwards I always feel good about having done it, but I never put one and one together and I really ought to. I forget that I enjoy it. 

He sure dislikes certain dogs that we meet on our walks. They are always the more dangerous looking kind that he dislikes. The ones I steer clear of also. He's very macho and growls at them as if he would attack them given a chance. He especially dislikes any kind of dog that's well known as a fighting dog. A dog like that he takes an instant dislike to. A cocker spaniel like him wouldn't stand a chance. 

It's time to eat dinner. A glass of milk is lovely, but it alone doesn't fill my stomach. I must have something heftier than that. 

I hope you're all having a good day and good weather. 

Ciao,

Nora

Outside it's raining...

I have to keep in mind that I'm an optimist otherwise I'd forget about it. I'm in search of my good mood because I just woke up from a nap. At this moment everything seems sort of dreary and dark, but that is doubtlessly also because of the gray and damp weather. The cobwebs that are still in my head from sleeping are adding their own shadows to my present outlook. 

I have made a cup of coffee and I'm counting on the caffeine getting me over this somber state of mind soon. It doesn't do at all to sit around feeling burdened by pessimism. That's not how I normally go through life and I think it doesn't suit me at all. I'm not a doomsday thinker and I do always assume that every cloud has lots of silver linings. 

I always very much look forward to my nap in the afternoon, but I have to tell you that it's a struggle to come back to life when I wake up from it again. The first few seconds I think I'm okay, but when it comes to functioning it's a whole different story. Suddenly everything seems unsurmountable and I think I can't make it through the rest of the day. 

Luckily, I know this is a temporary condition and I'm only momentarily fooled by it. I know I have to take action. I have to mentally point myself into a whole different direction and completely overhaul my attitude. And make myself some coffee.

That's just what I've done and I'm already starting to feel better. I've even had something to eat. I mustn't neglect my stomach and feed it on time. I can easily ignore hunger pangs and only feel them in my subconscious where they hardly register. I have to be really hungry before I realize it. Eating is not a big item on my agenda. It's something I have to do to survive, but because of my gastric band, it's not something I do with a lot of pleasure. 

It keeps raining and I still have to take Tyke out. I will have to choose an opportune moment when it's not coming down too hard. Tyke is sitting in front of the window looking longingly outside. He wants to be out there very much. I don't think he realizes how wet it is. I will have to let him out back first. 

Gandhi was out there for a little while, but came back in quickly. She's a typical cat and dislikes getting wet. She has yet to enter the bathroom when I'm taking a shower, unlike Tyke who sticks his head around the curtain and licks up the soapy water.

Have a good evening, all of you. 

Ciao,

Nora

Not so eager now...

Yesterday I was eager to get dressed and take Tyke out for a long walk, even though it was drizzling. Today I am not so eager and I'm still sitting here in my bathrobe. It is a different day with different ambitions, or should I say, it is a day with no ambitions at all? I did have some earlier this morning, but since then I have been back to bed and slept a few hours and now that I'm up again, I don't feel like doing anything special at all. 

I do have to say that my knee is bothering me and that is just from lying in bed with it. I must have overdone it yesterday and am paying the price for it now. It is a good excuse not to overdo it today. 

It's the same kind of gray and dreary day it was yesterday and it looks like it's going to rain any minute. Maybe this won't bother me after I've had some more coffee. That can make a difference in my attitude. Coffee as a rule does perk me up. However, I do think I'm ready for some sunshine now. That would motivate me to go outside and enjoy the fresh air. I still remember what it felt like to get wet yesterday and it took Tyke a long time to get dry.

There will be speed skating on television again this afternoon and I will probably watch that. I will also change my bed and wash the dirty sheets. Clean sheets will make it extra special to go to bed tonight. As if I need an excuse for that, right? I always like going to bed at night. That's one of my pleasures. I do have a guilty few. 

Tyke's trying to get my attention and I can't ignore him, so I'm simultaneously petting him and typing this. It is tough to do. As a matter of fact, it is impossible. I'll have to get dressed and take him for a short outing. I think that will satisfy him. We'll go around the sopping wet fields. 

I hope you all have a great day!

Ciao,

Nora