Getting down to business...

It's early in the evening and I've just made myself some coffee. I hope that the caffeine will put me in a cheerful mood because I need some cheering up. 

I've come to realize this afternoon that my therapist may not at all be the right person for me and my ego and this realization does require some thought. I always come away from an appointment with her less of a person than I was and with my ego somewhat shattered. Consequently, I have to spend some time building myself back up again and regaining my self confidence. I'm sure this is not the purpose of an appointment with your therapist. 

I just sent her an email saying as much and that we should have a talk about this. Possibly she is just the wrong person for me and our therapeutic relationship is not going to work out. I thought it was because I was doing something wrong at first, but now I know the problem does not lie with me. Her approach is just not right for me. It undermines my self esteem and I have to be very strong not to suffer the consequences of it. I do want my ego to stay intact and for it not to be broken down each time. I do want to keep some amount of belief in myself. 

I must not really let this spoil my mood, but it did give me cause to think a little and feel irritated. I guess that's the main feeling I have because I have time and energy invested in this relationship and I do not like for it not to work out. I will very gladly go to another therapist. That's not a problem..I need someone wiser than me to talk to and help me figure out life. I'm sure there are other people around who can help me do that.  I have not yet built up the kind of loyalty with my therapist that would make it very difficult for me to leave her. 

I will be an optimist and assume the problem will be sorted out one way or the other like these things always do. I must keep seeing the glass half full. I suppose the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. Well, I've started that process now.

On another note, today the weather was nice for a change. The temperature was pleasant and it didn't rain. It was almost a miracle. It's supposed to rain like crazy tonight, but that's okay because I will be in bed. 

I hope you're all having a good evening. 

Ciao,
Irene

Thank goodness it's Friday again...

I'm sitting here very cozily with a glass of milk and the dog by my feet. It is already evening but the sun is still shining through the living room windows and it's nice and warm in here. I'm wearing my most summery clothes so I'm properly dressed.

I hope to get a bit of a tan every time I go out with the dog but I don't think I'm succeeding much. I won't look like a very sun kissed person anyway. I'll have to go sit outside for a real sun bath and I don't know if I have the patience for that. I think the only opportunity I'll get for it is when I sit in my sister's garden so I'll always have to be scantily dressed when I go there. 

The weather is supposed to stay good for the whole three day long weekend. It's Pentecost and we have Monday off also. It's about time that the weather turned nice because we've been very impatiently waiting for it to happen. People had been wanting to do their summer shopping but it just wasn't the right kind of weather for it. There's certainly been a change in that now and downtown is filled with shoppers wanting to spend their vacation allowances. 

I've been looking at which films play at the film theater and there's one I may be interested in that's been playing for quite a while. It's called "The best exotic Marigold Hotel." It got good reviews so I may try to go see it. I first am going to ask the Exfactor if he wants to go and then I'll ask my sister. She usually falls asleep halfway through a film so that's not much fun. The Exfactor is a better companion to go see a film with so I hope he'll come. 

The dog has been most adorable today from the moment I woke up and opened my eyes. He was there immediately to greet me as if he had been waiting for me to wake up. I guess he really wanted to start the day. Or he was just happy to see me and get a good cuddle. He's been very affectionate all day long and has spent much time sitting on my lap as if that's the most natural place to be. I guess if you still barely fit, it is not a bad place to sit. 

I have to go take him for his walk now and then watch the eight o'clock news. Those politicians are roughly manhandling all sorts of important issues and it does frustrate me. I have to stay well informed but I wonder how unbiased the news is. You must always stay critical.

Ciao,
Irene

In the mood...

I'm always the most comfortable when I tell you that I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It sets the stage, sort to say. I've taken a nap and now it's almost evening. Outside the sky looks threatening and it wouldn't surprise me if we got another terrible shower that we seem to get every evening. 

Inside it is a little chilly because I don't have the heater turned on yet. I don't know why I'm being so stubborn. I guess I'd rather sit here and freeze my buns off but the cup of hot coffee is warming me somewhat.

My mood is neither here nor there. It's unimportant and I'm not going to waste any words on it. The less said about it the better. 

This weekend the government collapsed and we will have new elections. A lot of people have been waiting for this to happen, including me. I was not too fond of the government and I hoped it would collapse. Still, I was pleasantly surprised when it did. 

It collapsed over the budgetary cut backs and how severe they were going to be and believe me, they were. Now it is hoped that all the other political parties come up with their better alternative budgets so we can make sensible decisions. 

Because of the summer holidays, the elections won't take place until September at the earliest. Everyone will get the time to prepare themselves properly. I already know which party I'm going to vote for, so I'm more than ready to.

There was also a train accident at the Central Station in Amsterdam. For some reason there were two trains on the same track that hit eack other head on. There were many wounded and a lot of them severe. For now it is unknown how these two trains ended up on the same track but there's going to be an investigation. 

So, despite the fact that I spent a lot of the weekend sleeping,  I did manage to stay well informed. I watched the news as events unfolded and took naps in between. I did miss most of the sports that were on but I'm going to watch the highlights tonight. A couple of football games were played today and I want to know their outcomes. 

Except for the news events, the weekend was quiet and went by quickly. I suppose I'm ready for the week to start. I'm not thrilled about it and frankly don't care much one way or the other. I suppose my mood could be better. I'm sure I'm affected by events more than I realize. 

Have a great evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Splendidly...

I'm sitting here at the end of the day having a splendid time all by myself in the pleasant company of my animals. It is evening now after a beautiful day with lots of sunshine and the sun has just set. I am ready for a good night at home. I have all the comforts I need and am in a good mood. There's not much that can go wrong now. It is Friday evening and I'm ready for the weekend. 

I didn't have too exciting a day. It went by rather quietly. It was the usual Friday in the company of the Exfactor and my domestic help. They were both pleasant enough to be around and the groceries got done and the apartment got cleaned. What more could I ask for? Fridays always are good days when it comes to that. I do so appreciate the kind deeds that are done for me. 

The best news I had was that my older sister probably has gall stones and nothing worse, although she still has to talk more extensively to her doctor on Monday. There seems to be nothing wrong with her liver and that is a huge relief. I am so glad. I am tremendously cheered by this news because I was expecting something worse. She sounded a lot better over the phone also. 

Imagine being happy about gall stones. 

I am probably slightly hypo-manic now, but I'm making the best of it and enjoying myself as well as I can without letting it get out of hand. I'm bubbling over with happiness. The world is truly my oyster. I feel like I can handle anything at all now. All by myself I'm the happiest person on the block. Don't you think I should take full advantage of that? 

The dog's eye is getting a lot better. He has stopped blinking with it and there's no longer any junk coming out of it. I have to apply the ointment for a week and will do that. It looks a lot better too and he's so good about me applying the ointment. It's like he knows that it's good for him. He's a very trusting animal. 

I wore my tough broad boots today. I hadn't worn them in a while and they truly made me feel like a tough broad. I had forgotten how comfortable they are.They are properly beat up too so they look well used. I really should give them a good shine but I don't have the right polish. I should put that on the next shopping list. I'm sure they would look even better if they sparkle. I don't know if that would make me look tougher. 

Tomorrow it's going to be cooler than it was today and we will have a few showers, but that won't bother me. I don't mind a little bit of rain. It can be quite cozy when you're inside. No doubt nature needs it right now the way everything is growing so rapidly. As far as I'm concerned, springtime is here and nothing can stop it now. 

That's what makes going for walks so much fun. There's always something new to discover in people's gardens. What wasn't there one day, is there the next. There's  always a surprise. Even my own jasmine bush, scraggly as it is, is getting lots of buds on it. The little trees will be next. 

I've got to make myself some coffee to drink. I'm in need of some caffeine. I haven't had a cup in the longest time. I've been to busy to make a pot. My brain will welcome the stimulance. I will be all straightened out in no time at all. There's nothing like a cup of coffee to set your world right, even when you think it already is.

Have a good evening everyone.

Ciao,

Irene

Irene's Dutch Diva Blog

Getting started again...

It's always a bit tough to get started up again after I've woken up from a nap. I try to do it without drinking a cup of coffee, but it's impossible. I need at least two of them to get back to normal. 

I don't know why I'm so stubborn at first to think I can do without. I blame it on temporary brain failure. It's only when I hit total bottom that I realize I have to do something about it and make a pot of coffee.

I'm nearly alright now. I'm working on my second cup. 

For a while there it was touch and go and I knew I shouldn't write anything because it might have come out very wrong. Luckily, I do have an internal censor who keeps me from making major blunders. 

My eyes have gotten used to the glasses, even to the correction for the astigmatism. I miss them now when I don't have them on, like when I wake up from a nap.  

I see these words on the screen ever so much better.

I've gotten used to how I look with them on too and I think my haircut matches them very well. I should remember to put in some earrings so I will look more feminine. I look a little butch right now. 

I am wearing a mini skirt today along with some pretty leggings that I bought yesterday. Nobody can mistake me for a boy. Besides, I do have some feminine curves despite all the weight that I lost. And I do still have breasts.

I took the dog for a long walk this afternoon, but I can't say that it was much of a pleasure. He dawdled most of the time and I had to literally pull him along. He thought there were items of interest under every fallen leaf and there were a lot of them. 

As we walked, showers of leaves fell on us and this was while the sun was shining on us too because it was a nice day. I was dressed too warm in my leather jacket. Just a cardigan would have sufficed. 

I've got to take the dog for a walk now and it's already dark outside. It's tough when duty calls you out into the night, but at least it isn't cold. 

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Nora

...and other tales of comfort.

I just took the dog for a walk in the cool evening air. It had rained briefly in the afternoon and the sky was overcast. There was even a little bit of a breeze and I needed a cardigan over my skimpy clothes. At least the dog was not uncomfortable because of the heat like he was yesterday. Right now it's only 66F, so it's not very warm. I think it's just right. 

After I took a nap this afternoon, I had a small bowl of chocolate pudding because I craved chocolate. I usually do when I wake up, although sometimes a small package of crackers will do. I eat plain crackers, but lately I've been craving salty, cheesy ones. I think I will have the Exfactor get me a box of those and I will see how much I like them. 

I don't want to like them too much and eat them all at once. If I do that, I don't want them in the cupboards and I won't get them again. I make a box of crackers last a whole week and I want the cheesy ones to last that long too. The Exfactor is doing the groceries tomorrow. I'll keep you up to date on the cheesy crackers. 

I make the chocolate pudding last a long time and never run out. I only eat one bowl a day, but I thoroughly enjoy that bowl. The pudding is cold and smooth and satisfying and I eat just enough of it. My gastric band can handle that amount. It's a real treat and it has to stay that way. 

That's why I'm not really going to get any ice cream. I know I would eat the ice cream all at once until it was all gone because I'm crazy about it. It's not such a good idea to have something like that in the freezer. That's why it's so good to have the chocolate pudding instead. I'm much more sensible about it. 

Ice cream would go straight to my hips and I don't need it there. That doesn't mean that I will not go to the best ice salon in town this summer because I know I will. I will have a large ice cream sundae with real whipped cream on top. That will be my special treat. I can't wait to go. I'll ask the Exfactor to go with me.

In a little while, I'm going to change the sheets on my bed and make it a real treat to go to sleep tonight. I'll put on the sheets that were dried outside on the clothesline. They smell heavenly. I've been looking forward to it, but kept putting it off for one reason or another. I'm very determined now. 

I will wash the dirty sheets right away and hang those outside to dry tomorrow. Hopefully there will be no rain and if there is, then that's just too bad. Things are bound to dry sooner or later. Today's shower was only a little one and the clothesline is protected by a lot of trees. I will hope for the best. 

I hope you're all having a good evening and a good start to the week. 

Ciao,

Nora

Shamelessly sleepy...

It's early in the evening and I'm sitting here with the blinds closed and the lights on. I'm all cozy and solitary except for the animals who are my loyal companions. They have no choice. They are bound to me and have no other place to go. Nobody else will take them in. We are stuck with each other. That's just the way it is. Having concluded that, I will just have to make the best of it and get along with them as well as I can. Somebody has to. 

All kidding aside, I did trim the hair around Tyke's eyes so he could see a little better. I thought he might get cross eyed because of it. I also thought he was going to make a big deal out of it, but he allowed me to do it without a problem. He was very co-operative. He was very much interested in the scissors and was curious about what I was going to do with them. I took him completely by surprise. I think he appreciated the fact that I cut off the hair that was there in front of his eyes. He looked all bright and cheerful once I had done it. 

That was my good deed for the day. I don't know if I have been doing good deeds on a regular basis at all. I haven't been keeping track and I haven't consciously been aware of it. I'm always a kind person, but there used to be a time in my life when I was aware of doing good deeds every day. Just small kind ones to make someone's life a little easier. I'm not too sure if I do that anymore. I must pay attention to this and reinstate the habit if it's gone. 

I think just remembering to be kind and friendly and polite to other people is a good thing, because there was a time when that was difficult for me. It's so nice to approach people with a friendly face and to be open to contact. What a relief it is to be able to do that when it wasn't possible for a long while.

Tyke's asleep on the dining table now. He likes to be asleep on high uncomfortable places. He likes to oversee things. I don't think he's going to like his big soft pillow all that much if and when it arrives. I'm going to put it in the bedroom, because I think he will use it there most often. In the living room he's either close to where I am or on the dining table. Even now he's within an arm's length of me. He's becoming a regular fixture in the neighborhood. The dog that sits in front of the windows and watches the world go by on top of the dining table. 

I'm very happy that it's evening and that the day is coming to an end. I'm looking forward to going to bed, but when am I ever not? I'm either going to bed or just getting up from it. I'm either waking up or very sleepy. Sleep always plays a big role in my life. I will put my pajamas and bathrobe on in a while and watch the news and then go to bed. It will be lovely. 

I hope you will all have a lovely evening too. 

Ciao,

Nora