Sunday, November 29, 2009
Sunday is lovely too...
I'm going to drink lots of coffee, because I need it, as I just woke up from a comatose nap on the sofa and I think I have the seam of the arm cushion imprinted on my face. Actually, I wasn't as comatose as all that, because I had coughing fits every now and then and that bothered the dog and he barked at me every time I did (my gastric band was regurgitating the salami I had eaten earlier). So I suppose you could say that I had a fitful comatose nap, because I was completely out of it in between the fits of coughing.
A few hours passed this way and now I have to stay up until 10 pm at least, so I'll be on a normal schedule and sleep through the night, so I can go to creative therapy in the morning. There will be much temptation to stay in bed, I know it now, and I'll have to convince myself to get dressed and go and overcome my own resistance. I'll find excuses not to go and want to give in to the lure of my warm bed and maybe I'll be in a low mood and I'll have to sleep more. All of these things can happen. I even think that I'll stay home and clean house and go grocery shopping instead, which are things that also need to happen, but I can do those things later in the day, except that it seems harder to do them then and I have lost a lot of my motivation by that time. I've run out of milk and do need to get that and I also need to buy porridge and dog bones.
For some strange reason, it hasn't rained all day, although the wind is blowing as hard as ever, reminding us that it's still Autumn and that we're not out of this low pressure system yet. The sky has been overcast all day and the sun didn't shine once. At least all the puddles in the streets have dried up and the street cleaner came by on Friday and swept up all the dead leaves. Do not very quaintly imagine a man with a broom here and a pushcart. It was all done with a truck with big revolving brushes underneath it. We do not have babushkas with twig brooms sweeping in the streets like they do in Russia. There's not that much romance in it, after all, and all the leaves on the sidewalks are removed with those horrible leaf blowers. That is, when it's not raining. When it rains, I imagine the men play cards or have their days off. Isn't it strange how you never wonder about that? What do they do when it rains?
The dog pretended he wanted to eat, but when I filled his bowl, he turned his nose up at it and went to sleep. Well, there's only so much you can do. You can't say I didn't try. It seems I spend the day trying to figure out all his different demands and it is getting worse the older he gets and I think that's because he is getting a little bit confused and doesn't know himself what he wants. He is a little bit addled and the other day he barked at a tree. I think his sight is going as well as his hearing. He bumps into things sometimes in the living room, although most of the time he navigates his way through alright. It's when he gets in tight spots that he makes misjudgments and clonks into things with his head. The other day he was stuck in the corner of the hallway, right beside the door, waiting for me to open it. I had to redirect him to the right place.
I wonder if and when I'll ever turn into a proper housewife again. I seems that I lose control over the household on a regular basis and then somehow in a short amount of time have to pull it together again, but I never get it as clean as it ought to be. It always gets out of hand and I seem not to be able to just keep up with it. I feel enormous amounts of frustration and I'm happy if I just get the most basic jobs done, such as the laundry and the dishes and changing the bed. The bigger jobs are a challenge and I only do them when I have no other choice and I don't do them well. Even my sense of pride isn't big enough to motivate me to get them done right, because I feel defeated halfway through. I used to be such a good housewife and be real house proud. I can certainly not say that about myself now. I must talk to my SPN about getting help in the household on a regular basis. Someone who will come in and do the big jobs once a week, so that I can do the little jobs in between, which there are enough of. I must clean house well this coming week, because J. is coming next weekend and I want the place to look nice and I want the floors mopped, which badly needs to happen. Oh, how I hate linoleum. I wish I had never gotten it. It's the bane of my life and it's hard to clean. I am just having an anxiety attack now, because I have so much to do.
I must look in my closet and decide what I'm going to wear tomorrow. It needs to be something new and interesting, because I've been wearing the same old thing nearly all week. It must match the green scarf I am wearing, otherwise I have to find a different scarf and I like this one a lot because it's very warm. They'll have to be warm clothes, because it's still cold outside and I will want to wear layers, which is fun. You can make amusing ensembles when you wear layers and scarves. One thing I know is that I'm going to wear my denim skirt. So I must find things to match that. I will be fun to dig into my closet and find the possibilities. The stuff is packed in there so tight, that it's easy to overlook something. And then, of course, everything falls of its hangers, which is a major frustration, and the stuff ends up in the bottom of the closet. I do always forget which clothes I have and it is always a revelation to see what I run into. I have dresses that I hardly wear, because I prefer skirts with pockets and boleros that are cute that I can wear over long sleeved shirts, but those may be too cold. Oh well, I'll see. I'll take some time and really make a study of it. It will be something to look forward to. I'll let you know what I end up with. I have some good ideas already.
I've walked the dog for what I hope is the last time today. It's funny how he can be completely out cold one moment and demanding something unknown to me the next. Usually he settles down alright at night after we've had our last walk and he really settles down when I've gone to bed. There's not a peep out of him after that, usually, I must add.
I'll go look in my closet now and see what I can come up with. Something very exciting hopefully. It must be warm, that's one stipulation. I will not be cold these coming days.
Have a good rest of the day or a good evening, actually.
Oh, those of you in England, don't send any more rain this way.