Don't want to feel like that...

Going on this drastically new diet has not been a good idea. It has not worked out well at all. It turns out that all the things I started eating did not agree with me and gave me a stomachache and very bad heartburn. I also could not drink coffee or tea, not even if it was green tea or rooibos. Everything that I had to eat or drink was a disaster. 

As a result, I was pretty miserable yesterday and the antacid tablets weren't working. I spent a lot of time in bed lying there as quietly as I could, barely moving. I was hungry, but couldn't eat. Finally, I called the Exfactor and asked him to bring me some milk, as I thought that was going to be the only thing that was going to save me. 

He was over soon with two packs of it and I very carefully started drinking it and over the course of the evening my stomach started to settle down. Good enough so that I could go to sleep for a while. I'm up again now having some more milk. I really want a cup of coffee, but am afraid to have one. I don't want to upset my stomach again.

I'm going off the new diet immediately and going back to the dairy based one. Meat and fruits and vegetables don't agree with me. That much is obvious. I've seldom been so uncomfortable. It was an adventure I don't want to have again any time soon.

I've dared make a cup of coffee after all and put lots of milk in it. So far, so good. And it tastes delicious too and it's just what I needed. I hadn't had a cup since early yesterday morning. As you know by now, I'm not myself without my cups of coffee. It pleases me very much that I can drink this one and feel so good as a result of it. 

Today is Saturday and the day to do with as I please. I was afraid it was going to be a day spent suffering from heartburn, but now it looks like it is maybe not going to be. Thank goodness for small favors. For big favors, I should say. I will appreciate the day all the more for feeling good and not take it for granted. 

The first thing I'm hopefully going to do is sleep late because I'm in need of that after yesterday. It wasn't exactly a restful day. It was sort of an anxious day. Some cultural programs and some sports on TV will be nice too. No doubt I will not have to do without them. I envision a day of leisure and that's what I'll probably get. 

I hope you're all having a good night, or a good day, whichever time zone you're in.

Ciao,

Nora

No, not writing that...

In order not to write down any nonsense, I'll have to severely censor myself. I sometimes have no business writing a post and when I do, I have to edit it better and leave out half of what I put down because it is sheer poppycock. Having established that, I will now very carefully try to write a halfway decent post that's not full of malarkey.

It's late at night and I'm sitting here in my pajamas with my cup of coffee and my cigarette. I really need to check if my bathrobe is dry after I had washed it because I'm a little bit chilled. I will do that shortly after I have finished this cup of coffee. It's the little comforts that make life worth living and a warm bathrobe is one of them. It's good not to take that for granted. 

I am now having a long moment of sheer contentment and happiness for no apparent reason at all, except that all is well with the world. All is well with my world. All the ingredients are in place to make it so and I do feel that I have to mention it. I feel a total absence of stress and anxiety and can only count myself lucky for what I feel instead and I appreciate the contentment even more than the happiness. 

In the meantime, I've put on my bathrobe and it smells of washing powder and is warm and comfortable. It envelops me completely and reaches down to my ankles. What more could I ask for? 

The dog is gently snoring on the sofa and it sounds very cozy. He was trimmed yesterday and is only a shadow of his former self. He does look awfully cute and his eyes look twice as big in his new short haired appearance. He hasn't shivered yet and doesn't seem bothered by the loss of all his fur. Hopefully, it will not get too cold for a while and he will get the chance to grow back some of it before winter comes. I will not have him trimmed again now until early springtime. 

My appointment with my new therapist went well, although I didn't have much to talk about. I think I need to be a little more forthcoming. I will be as I get more comfortable with her. She's a very kind woman and I have no reason not to trust her, but it will take me a while to get used to her. I will slowly let her in on my life. Little by little. 

The Exfactor and I did the groceries yesterday and that was a huge success. I had made a list of things I wanted to get and it was quite different than it had been in the past because I'm changing my diet so drastically. That's why I had to go to the store myself, to see what was available for me to eat. I basically had to stock up on some things and get fresh fruit. 

I got some very good plums, one to eat every day because that's all I can handle with my gastric band. At least, if I do want to eat other food too. I had a small dish of Mexican rice for lunch and a beef patty cooked in butter for dinner. That was delicious, but I still feel full now, hours later. 

Today will be a fairly quiet day as Thursdays usually are. It's raining now, but the weather should improve during the day. I only have a few chores to do, but if the weather allows it, I will take the dog for a long walk.

I'm going to bed now to lie under the warm duvet. I hope you'll all have a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Tripping lights fantastic...

No, I'm not really going to, it just seemed like an interesting post title. I couldn't think of anything else and this one was stuck in my head. Now that I've used it, it won't bother me again. 

I woke up feeling very good and I was happy to open my eyes. Anticipation tingled through my body, but I don't know what for. I was struck by giddiness all by myself for no reason at all. It sure was a pleasant feeling. 

I'm more sedated now that I've sat here for a while and read some other people's blogs. That will get your head on straight. Of course, drinking a cup of coffee will too. It works as well as taking any kind of pill. 

I stopped drinking milk yesterday morning and have been drinking green tea with lemon since then. Not pots of it certainly. Just enough of it to quench my thirst in tall glasses with just enough sugar to make it a little sweet. 

My stomach feels better for not drinking the milk and is not in an uproar anymore. Hopefully soon the soreness will disappear. It dawned on me that I had not tolerated milk for quite some time, but I had been drinking so much of it that I had gotten used to an upset stomach. 

I am changing my diet drastically and will be eating beef, fruits, vegetables and rice and taking certain vitamins and food supplements. This will be in an effort to get my whole body healthy. I think I may be suffering from some anemia causing me to get very dizzy on occasion. 

Tomorrow, I will go to the grocery store with the Exfactor to pick out the kind of foods that I want. I want to have a good look around and see what's available. I have no idea what kind of fruits there will be now and how expensive they will be.  

Today I will be going to the optician with my sister to have my eyes tested and to pick out my new glasses. I'm very excited about this because I hope I find the right pair. They will be covering my face from some point on soon and it's important that they look good. 

I have some idea of what I want and I hope I find what I'm looking for. I do have expectations. I have been thinking about them for some time and paying attention to the kind of glasses that I see advertised. I saw some that I really liked and I hope that I will find some like it at this optician. 

I have to go back to bed and finish sleeping. I have to set the alarm clock to get up early this morning. I have to be wide awake soon enough for my sister to come and pick me up. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day.

Ciao,

Nora

Testing the nighttime waters...

I got up about an hour ago and have been reading blogs and drinking coffee since then. I'm afraid I'm super honest in any comments I leave and think that sometimes I'm a little too harsh. That's how I am in the middle of the night. I tend to see things for what they are and I find it difficult to be super polite. I hope I'm forgiven for that. Hopefully people know me well enough to take what I say with a grain of salt. Maybe I worry too much about it and it isn't as bad as I think it is. We will see. 

I'm drinking my last cup of coffee now before I'm switching to cold milk and then I can have that wonderful burping experience and noisy stomach. My daughter told me that, since I'm a blood type O-positive person, I should not drink any milk at all. I can well believe it, since it never seems to agree with me, but I love it so much. I'm addicted to it, but aren't you often to the things that are bad for you? 

I may have to rethink my diet completely because it seems I'm eating all the wrong things. This may explain some of the intestinal problems I'm having. I must eat more fruit and vegetables and even some meat. And also take some food supplements such as vitamin B12 and iron. That may explain the dizziness I so often get. Fish alone may not be the solution. 

Anyway, it's really very early in the morning and I'm feeling very hopeful about the day. It is Sunday, after all, and a day I usually enjoy a lot because it's the day on which I do chores and visit my sister. At this moment, I'm very much wide awake, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stay that way. I may get sleepy later on and have to go back to bed. We'll see. 

I've started reading 'The Joy Luck Club' and it's as good as I remember it without being boring because I've read it before. I've forgotten enough about it for it to be interesting. I do enjoy Amy Tan's style of writing which is very relaxed and intimate. You feel like she's written down the stories just for you. 

I went back to bed after I had sat in my armchair and read. I slept for a few hours and got up just in time for a package to be delivered. I was just going to change into my clothes when the intercom rang. I had ordered some new underwear on line and there were two cotton underwire bras from a brand I hadn't tried before, so I was eager to try them on. 

I know I am fortunate to be able to order bras on line and that women usually have a heck of a time buying them. These fit perfectly with a small adjustment of the shoulder straps. The fact that they are cotton makes them very comfortable to wear. They look nice and also look good under my tight fitting tops. I do love wearing a good looking bra. It makes me feel special and I deserve that. Heck, any woman deserves a good bra. 

I think I'll go change the sheets on my bed in case I decide to go back to it some time this morning. It will be great to get in between clean ones. It's time for the duvet cover with the little red roses. First I'll take my medicines to get off to a good start. Then nothing can stand in the way of a good day. 

Enjoy your Sunday, no matter what the weather is like. 

Ciao,

Nora

Waiting for the good guy...

I'm waiting for the Exfactor to show up. Since he never lets me know when he will get here, I can wait for hours and I have to keep myself busy in the meantime. I've done some chores and saw my SPN earlier this morning and now I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee trying to ignore Tyke who is breathing down my neck, literally. He is standing on the arm chair behind me and has his paw on my shoulder and his nose on my head. He is grumbling at me because I won't budge.

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In the meantime, I've walked Tyke and the Exfactor has showed up. He has now gone to the grocery store with my list and my band card and Tyke is eating. He takes a bite and chews it while he walks around the living room. It's called recreational eating. The Exfactor has got me an elastic brace that fits completely around the palm of my hand, including in the lower part of my thumb. It has been bothering me for a few days and I think it is due to handling the mouse of the computer. The brace feels really good around it and I will wear it for awhile and see if it gives me any relief. I can always go to the doctor if it gets worse. The brace also prevents me from making the wrong moves with my thumb, which is helpful.

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When I saw my SPN this morning, I could only conclude that I was in a completely sane state of mind. I was neither depressed not hypo-manic. I was as I wish always to be, completely "normal." Whatever definition of the word you want to apply to it, but you will know what I mean. This pleased us both very much and it put me in a good mood. I felt very much relieved that I had reached that point after the downturn last week. My SPN said it was because I had recognized what was happening to me on time and asked for help on time, and I said that I'm better able to do it each time because I'm not embarrassed to. I don't think anyone is going to think I cry wolf. So, I did alright then.

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I needed very little groceries and discovered that buying the dog food I always get is no more expensive at the store than buying it on line. As a matter of fact, buying it on line is more expensive because I have to pay delivery charges, and all this time I thought I was getting a good deal because I was buying it in bulk. No, I'm not, so burst that bubble immediately. From now on I'm buying this dog food at the store. The Exfactor had also brought a cigarette lighter with him without me asking for it, though I had meant to, because the one I had was almost empty of fuel. He must have gotten my telepathic message. That's a neat trick, I'm going to try that again.

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The domestic help did a good job cleaning yesterday. The spare bedroom is a damp room and as a result, the woodwork of the back door and of the window always gets very dirty with mildew and streaks from the water that drips down. She cleaned all the woodwork first and it looks like it has been freshly painted. Than she washed the window and the window in the back door inside and out and they are so clean that it looks like there is no glass in it. It's wonderful. The curtain that was in front of the window in the back door went straight into the trash bag. It had a bad case of mildew and dust. It was beyond salvage.

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Now all that has to happen is for the Exfactor to move all his boxes and shelf systems out and that room can be wallpapered and painted and have furniture put in it beside the closet and the chair that are in there already. It's a big room, so there is space for an extra bed and a work table. I promised myself that I would get artistic again as soon as I would have the space for it, so it needs to happen sooner rather than later. I think 2 years is a long time to wait for a room to get emptied out.

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Anyway, after much talk about his work and motorcycles, the Exfactor is gone again until Friday. He is a sweetheart, though, and I have to stay loyal to him. What other ex-husband would do the groceries once a week and come visit twice a week? Not many, I bet. I suppose I do serve a function in all of this too. I haven't quite figured out what it is, but I won't break my head over it. The arrangement is quite satisfactory to me, so I won't complain. I see enough of him to get my fill and appreciate him for who he is. Which is basically a decent human being. Let's not forget that. You don't meet many of those nowadays.

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I asked him to buy me a bag of apples and I'm going to try and eat one of those. I don't know if I can eat a whole apple, but I'm going to chew very carefully and eat as much of it as I can. I think I need the roughage and the vitamins. It will be a good addition to my diet. I haven't eaten an apple in a very long time and I'm looking forward to it. I didn't put them in the refrigerator because I like my fruit at room temperature. I think then you can taste the flavor better than when it's cold. So wish me a lot of luck with eating my apple. I'm going to eat it with the skin on and all.

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I hope you're all having a good day and nice weather. It's turned sunny and pleasant here after a very cool start. It was freezing at 6 am.

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Ciao,

Nora

I can do anything...

I slept for such a long time last night. First I fell asleep on the sofa, then I sort of woke up and very drowsily took my medicines and changed into my pajamas. I got into bed and tried to read my book, but it was impossible and instead I went straight to sleep again. The alarm clock woke me at 7 am, otherwise I would still be asleep, I think.

I was going to make a new work of art for the Art Exchange last night, but instead I looked through the work that I already had done and found the perfect thing for it. It's an acrylic painting on watercolor paper and it will do just fine. I just have to get a large enough envelope to send it in today. I'm assuming I can buy those at Action, so I will go over there this morning. Doubtlessly, I will see other things I like very much there and I'll have to contain myself and not go into a shopping frenzy.

I have an appointment with my SPN this afternoon and that really breaks up the day, so that I feel that I can't get anything serious started. This makes me feel anxious, as though I'm running behind and have to try and get caught up with myself, though why I feel that way is kind of a mystery and I think it is just free floating anxiety that I have to try and get over, if not by myself, then with the help of a pill. Yeah, that's a good idea. When anxious, take a pill.

No, really, when anxious, slow down and take a good look at everything and re-evaluate the whole situation and reconsider what you're getting anxious about and then try to find out if it's worth it. If any of these things that you are stressing about are the cause of your anxiety attack, then they need to be eliminated as quickly as possible from the list of causes and relegated to a lesser position of importance in your life. And you need to ask for help from people around you who can help you lighten whatever load you think you are carrying around with you. That's the way it works.

So, I need to get back to three basic things this week. My appointment with my SPN, my appointment with Social Services on Thursday, and getting the apartment cleaned up for J's visit this weekend. That's more then enough to worry about right now. That's about all I can handle, really. I worry about getting the apartment cleaned up. That always seems to be the hardest job and the one I have the most trouble with. Next week I'll mail the art project and start work on the story that I'm committed to write for an on line magazine. I'll tell you more about that soon.

There, that takes care of that.

For reasons that anyone is on a white bread diet, the dog is on a white bread diet right now, so I make him meat sandwiches with it. Luckily, he likes them very much if I hand feed him and it fills him up well enough. He is very satisfied afterwards and shows no interest whatsoever in his regular food, so I'll not feed him that for a while until things get back to normal. He had an accident in the living room last night and was very embarrassed about it. I did not make any big deal out of it but just cleaned it up. The poor dog can't help it. That's why I bought those loaves of bread on sale. They are always handy to have around. I just took him out a while ago and the problem hasn't resolved itself yet, so more sandwiches it is. I think it's because he ate something off the street and what it was is a mystery to me. It was gone in a flash. He is a scavenger. An opportunity eater.

I did end up taking two extra Oxazepams and they are working now and have quieted me down quite a bit, although I did of course organize my own head better before that. I appreciate the calm feeling I get from the pills and the fact that I don't have to fight my emotions as hard. It's like moving from a storm at sea into calm waters and I am so glad that I have the pills to take, although I do appreciate the fact that you have to solve the problem and not ignore it by taking pills that cover up your feelings. I think I've faced the problems and figured out what was wrong and got my head straight about that.

The one silver lining in the clouds is the visit from J. which I am looking forward to very much. Also because it is making me clean up the apartment, although I dislike doing it, but otherwise it wouldn't get done and I would sit in the mess forever. This visit from him is a great motivator to get it done and I will feel good about it afterwards. Since most of the mess is from the animals, I am seriously considering not having any animals again after these are gone. I think that 80% if not more of the cleaning that I do involves the messes from the animals, the dust, the dirt, the hair...I've never had such a hard time keeping a place clean. So, when these animals are gone, there will be no new animals to take their place. At the most, I will have one cat, if at all. I can't allow myself to get sentimental about it either. The fact is that I can't keep up with the housework and when I look at the dirt, I see it's from the animals.

Right, that's another decision made.

I guess I'm getting to the point where I'm getting my priorities in order. Both the present ones and the future ones. That's because I'm living less with my head in the clouds and more with both feet on the ground and am facing reality more and my own ability to deal with things. The truth is, that I have a limited stamina and a low threshold for stress and I must be careful not to take on too much responsibility yet unawares I do, because I don't pay attention to what I can handle. I get excited about things and attached or enthused without thinking about the longer term consequences for myself. And then I never get around to facing the reality of the situation and let myself get snowed under, all the while avoiding looking the issue straight in the face and acknowledging the problems I have with it.

I did say yesterday that I didn't want to get serious this week, but I can't make good on my promise. I have to get serious today. I found myself in a pickle and I had to talk myself through it and out of it. I feel much better now and able to face the things that require my immediate attention.

Laundry! That is it to start with and it's not raining, so it can dry outside. That's very appealing, although it's supposed to rain again tomorrow, oh, such doom sayers.

Right, I'll get to work then and start the job of getting things in order. I see some dirt I have to tackle on my knees, no less. I requires some scrubbing. And then there are all the dusty surfaces to wipe clean. Hurray!

Have a good day. I hope yours involves doing many fun things.

Ciao,
Nora

Thursday early in the morning.

I was so tired after a, for me, intensive day yesterday, that I went to sleep at 9 pm, even after I had taken a nap on the sofa in the late afternoon and slept through the alarm clock at 6 pm, which is amazing with its incessant beeping. Since it was in the bedroom, it did lower the impact of the sound somewhat, yet normally I can hear it very well, but obviously I was in a coma and oblivious of everything. It was Jesker who woke me up eventually, because he needed to go out and was making very urgent noises right by my ear.

I did manage to make it to creative therapy and worked on my fantasy pen and ink drawing, which really is nothing special at all and I think I am just wasting my time on it and it is going to end up rolled up on top of my closet and never see the light of day again. That's not because I'm down on myself, but because I absolutely don't like what I'm doing and am just filling up my time. I only have one more class to go to on Wednesday next week and that is it.

I did get the proper form to request an intake for the SPC and mailed it to my SPN so she can fill it out and get the ball rolling on that process, It shouldn't take long. Mostly it's a question of formalities, which is good, because I got a letter with an appointment in the mail yesterday from Social Services to talk about my situation and where I stand in the reintegration process. I think that's just a formality too, as I think it's been a year since I was there last. They probably want to make sure I'm still as nuts as ever.

In the afternoon it started to rain again, so I had to wait for it to stop until I could run my errands, because I was not about to get soaked on my bike. Finally, at 2:30, it stopped raining and I took all the books that had to be mailed and went to the little post office first, where the damage to my wallet was not as bad as it could have been, so I heaved a sigh of relief.

Then I did my grocery shopping, in the most economical fashion, and I really took my time and compared prices, because I was buying things I normally don't buy and I was also trying to buy enough groceries to last me for a week. It's fun to buy new items and comparison shop and see how much difference there is in price and the assumed quality of the product, which can never be bad if you shop at a good supermarket. They've got they're reputation at stake, after all. I do buy the store brand if I can.

When I got that done and had filled the bike bags and the shopping bag, I stopped by the tobacco shop for my weekly supply of tobacco and got home just in time before the next shower hit. It's more fun to put the groceries away when you have new items and it is especially fun when you have three animals helping you. They always assume that I've brought home stuff for them and they assume right. I always give them something to eat, even if I already had that in the cupboards, because they don't know the difference. The dog always gets a bone and the cats get fresh kibbles. It's a ritual.

In an effort to eat healthier, and to lose weight, I had decided that I didn't want to live on porridge anymore, although I love the stuff and can eat mountains of it. That's just the problem. I had bought very thin sliced black rye bread and light mayonnaise and three kinds of luncheon meats. I have discovered that I can eat one slice of rye bread with two slices of luncheon meat at the time, and that I can eat another one an hour later. And I am satisfied then. I started off with salami and it was so good. It was the best thing I've tasted in a long time and it was nice to chew my food for a change. I have to chew it well, keeping in mind my gastric band, but all goes well and one slice is just enough. Rye bread is high in vitamin B, iron, zinc, potassium, magnesium, fiber and calcium. So that and drinking low fat milk and multi vitamin fruit juice should keep me in good shape. I have to lose 12 kilos, believe it or not. That's what eating all that porridge did for me. That's 26 pounds. Picture that in your head.

Well, anyway, I'm going back to bed for just a little while to sleeps some more. I think it's too early to be up already. I've taken my medicines and the start of the day can wait for a bit. I've got a better thing to do.

Have a good morning you all.

Ciao,
Nora

Tuesday after an interesting day...

Well, I say it's been an interesting day, but don't get your hopes up too high, it was only a little bit interesting, a teeny tiny bit interesting in a very minimalistic way.

I woke up two minutes before 9 am when the alarm clock was set to go off, so that was good timing on my part and left me with an hour to wake up and make cigarettes while I drank coffee and smoked some. Then I got in a rush and got dressed and made up and walked the dog and medicated him and then, to make it really exciting, I had some more coffee, al the while looking at the clock to see how close I could cut it.

I got to therapy with five minutes to spare, but got me an espresso anyway and had that out on the deck where everybody else was congregating, because the weather was super nice. That made everybody late for their therapies, but what the heck, when the sun shines, it is hard to get us inside. Especially as I was standing in the dappled shade, which was very pleasant and is cast by a very tall birch tree.

I got my doodle out and some new paper and measured off an new rectangle with a border around it and lots of people kept saying how much they liked the one I did, making me feel a tiny bit bashful, but only a tiny bit. I like praise just as much as the next person.

This time I'm making my doodle right side up, I mean standing up on its short side and I'm letting some of the drawing stick out over the border, so it is not completely contained. It's going quickly this time, because I know what I'm doing, which is make a series of three similar doodles that I will hang up together over my bed.

I found a thicker black marker to fill in the darker areas, which is saving me some work. I was messing around with that thin black pen and it was very frustrating to color anything black.

Soon enough, it was time for our break and we spend our time either on the deck or in the break room, depending on what we have to discuss with each other. Sometimes we don't want the whole world to listen in and we separate ourselves from the crowd. We do that when we have serious discussions about what goes on in the group.

I asked to speak to the ergo therapist and was able to have a short discussion with her by ourselves. I unloaded myself about the past Wednesday and all the things that had bothered me about that one particular person in the group and I was the second person to do so, but we're not the only ones walking around with pent up feelings. Now we'll have to wait and see where the ship runs ashore.

The second half of creative therapy went fine. A huge amount of quiet always hangs in the room as everyone works on their project. We hardly speak and it is very pleasant to sit there in solitude and do your work. The time goes by very quickly, though, and before you know it, it is time to clean up.

When I got home, I called a florist in my home town to order a bouquet of flowers for my older sister whose birthday it is Friday. Then I walked the dog and payed a bill and saw that my bank balance is quickly dwindling, because my rent payment had been withdrawn. I am still waiting for my annual vacation money, because I have a big bill to pay and I can't pay it until the money gets here. I'll have to call about it tomorrow.

I also called for my gastric band. The obesitas specialist who has been taking care of me, has moved to a different hospital in another town and I tried to make an appointment with his replacement. It turns out that they don't really have a replacement for him yet, but that several surgeons are taking his place and since I'm calling about getting my gastric band filled, possibly, one of the surgeons is going to do a telephone consultation with me Thursday next week and set up an appointment to get the gastric band filled.

I've been drinking multi vitamin juice and warm low fat milk and eating raisin bread and I've lost two kilos since I've started complaining about my weight. That's something anyway. I want to loose a lot more before the phone call. I've got a good week left and a good goal. I think I can manage that. If I want to reach my end weight, I have to loose 12 kilos. That doesn't sound like such an unsurmountable task.

Which means that I will be talking about my weight a lot in this blog, like I did in the beginning when I first had my gastric band. I know that gets tedious, but it really helped me to make my progress public and I have been silent about it long enough out of shame. I now weigh 97.7 kilos and what I want to weigh is 85 kilos. At least, that's what the obesitas specialist said that I should realistically aim for. That would make me an American size 14, or a Dutch size 44, and I think that's not bad.

I was supposed to go grocery shopping today, but in the end I didn't have the energy or the wherewithal to go. I don't like to go shopping at the end of the day when I'm tired and not at my best. We'll have to make do with what's in the cupboards and the refrigerator. A little bit of imagination goes a long way.

It's amazing how quickly your stomach gets used to eating smaller amounts of food. Here I was stuffing myself with bowls of porridge and now I've done none of that for a number of days and I don't get that hungry feeling like I did before. A glass of juice or warm milk is very satisfying and gets me over that - 'wanting to have something good feeling.'

So, I've snapped out of the - 'stuffing my face period' and all because I went public with it on this blog. If you own up to things to your friends, you suddenly get a lot of common sense. It's when you do things secretly, that they hurt you the most.

It's been a warm sunny day with temperatures well into the 20's. You all know how to convert by now, don't you? Tomorrow it is going to be much colder and cloudy and I'll need to wear warmer clothes. I'll have to have a good look in my closet in a while to see what I can conjure up. I think I'll wear gray leggings and a black and white and gray summer dress with a long sleeved gray stretch T-shirt underneath and some interesting necklaces. I always count on my necklaces to finish the outfit. Boots or no boots? Mmm...

Well, that's all I wrote. I think it's enough. You can see my frame of mind is well enough today, so we'll compare it to tomorrow at 6 pm then. I'll probably be all beat up again, but I'll sleep well. Not that I'm not doing that now, of course.

Have a wonderful evening and I hope you all feel good inside your bodies, whatever shape they're in.

Ciao...