Of course, of course...

I am sitting here with a strong cup of coffee. I need it because I am so sleepy. I want to take a nap at every opportunity. I think that is because I've quit smoking. It seems to me that I had this reaction before. Of course, I can't keep sleeping. I will have to get up now and then too. I hope this coffee gives me some perkiness. I only made one cup because I thought it would be enough but I may have to make more. 

Of course, taking naps is one way to get through the day if I can't smoke. It does occupy my time. I have to think of things to do to keep my mind off the cigarettes that I can't have. If I just sit in my armchair without anything to do it gets too difficult. I do need to be a bit diverted. This morning there were cultural programs on televsion that helped me keep my mind busy. Now I'm trying to do the same thing with the internet. 

I make it sound like I'm having a heck of a time not smoking but it really isn't that bad. It's all within the limits of my control. I'm not going crazy yet with withdrawal but I ám having an allergic reaction to the nicotine patches. Where they are and have been, I have perfect squares of bright red skin. That does make you think, doesn't it? 

Because it's the weekend, I don't have much on the program. On top of that it's a three day weekend because on Monday it is Queen's Day and that is a national holiday. Actually, I can be as lazy as I want to be and that's the nice part about it. I can take naps whenever I want. As long as I take care of the animals, I can have totally unstructured days and nights. I'm sure there's some advantage to that.

It's actually a warm day here today and it feels like it's 23 degrees Celcius outside. Isn't that unbelievable? I've got the kitchen window wide open so I can smell the fresh air. Unfortunately, there's hardly any wind so there's not much of a draft. Still, I mustn't complain. It was raining during the night and now it's dry, although the sun is not out completely. I hope the weather stays good like this for the whole three day weekend. The queen deserves good weather to celebrate her day in. 

The coffee has perked me up properly and I am functioning again. One cup turned out to be enough but it was a strong one. I think the dog wants to go for a walk so I better take him now. He acts like it's urgent. Of course, he always does. 

Have a nice day.

Ciao,

Irene

Getting down to earth again...

Even though it is the middle of the night and it is the time when I feel most joyful, that doesn't mean that I have to get overly excited now and lose track of my sense of decorum. I'm quite capable of keeping myself in hand and not making a complete fool of myself by declaring all sorts of nonsense. 

I do have to hit the brakes because sometimes I get too much in a hallelujah mood when I'm up this late and have had a cup of coffee or two. My enthusiasm knows no bounds and I run to the top of the mountain before I remember that I have fear of heights and get dizzy and know no way down. 

I must be as sensible as I can manage to be and still be lively and not sit here as a solid and silent rock in a winter's meadow on a boring Sunday. I have to be engaging without being silly, although you may think that me being silly may be a lot of fun. That's only if I'm silly on purpose and not when I accidentally end up looking ridiculous. 

Since yesterday was Saturday, it is hardly a day worth speaking of. It was just another ordinary Saturday like any other. I spend it doing nothing important whatsoever, except that I watched my share of cultural television programs in the morning while I woke up with my obligatory cups of coffee. It does feel good to feed the intellect and my curiosity.  I did miss half of the programs yesterday because I got up too late, but I'll get a chance again this morning when there will be more on. 

There's usually some documentary with an exposure to challenging art which gets my dander up at first, but which I change my mind about as I watch it, although I don't completely change my outlook on it. I am somewhat more enlightened after I've watched it and more appreciative. It's supposed to be a challenge to your mind, after all. I suppose you see the necessity of the art in the time it was made even though you don't have to like it. It's enough that you understand the intention behind it. 

I wrapped Chrstmas presents and didn't run out of paper, which is good because I've got one more present to wrap which hasn't gotten here yet. With a little bit of luck it will be here on Wednesday. The dog tried to help me wrap them and was very disappointed when he was not allowed to be part of the proceedings. The cat was asleep on the bed, so I timed my actions well. I got no cat hair on the sello tape. 

Wrapping the presents did get me into the proper mood and now I can hardly wait for Christmas. The real exciting thing of course is that my daughter will be here and that is what I'm really looking forward to. I'm slowly allowing all of my maternal feelings to come to the surface where they have been buried so long. It almost hurts to let them out. It's a real process.

It's going to be a bit colder for the next couple of days and I'll have to pick my outfit with care in the morning. It will be a question again of being warm enough and looking good. That's really not too difficult if I put my mind to it. In the evening there will be a mixture of snow and rain and I'm really not in the mood for that. I have very little to say about the weather, however. It happens whether I want it to or not. There's nothing as fickle as the Dutch weather.

Today will be another non eventful day as Sundays go. The weekends are often not very exciting. They are turning out to be the dullest parts of the week. Luckily, there are interesting programs to watch on televsion. There will be lots of sports to watch and I enjoy them. Thank goodness I have the animals to entertain me. We pass many happy moments together. The dog alone is enough of an amusement factor. 

I have to go back to bed to finish sleeping. The duvet is turning out to be so good that it's almost too warm to sleep under. 

Ciao,

Nora

Revenge of the awful dog...

I've tried to get a good night's sleep for a couple of hours now, but every hour or so the dog woke me up with some excuse or another. I tried to ignore him, but I finally gave up and got up because I could not stay asleep any longer. I will try again later when he has settled down. 

I'm sitting here yawning, but this cup of coffee I'm having should help that.The dog is asleep by my feet. Hopefully now he will be sweet and docile. The cat is sitting on the kitchen counter eating her kibbles. To her it doesn't matter if it's day or night. She does what she pleases when it pleases her and bothers no one. She's easy. 

I must say that I'm glad the weekend is over, although it did go by quickly so it wasn't a long ordeal to get through. Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was just an ordinary weekend like so many others. The most pleasant thing I did was take naps in the afternoon which got me over the tough time of the day when I never know what to do with myself.

Now that I don't read anymore, my books stand forlorn on the bookcase and I no longer get lost for several hours at the time in literature. I often think I will never read another novel again because I absolutely have no interest in them. It's like I don't want to get lost in them and be cut of from reality. I feel that I constantly have to be in touch with the here and now. 

I do like to watch sports on television. I feel that's very actual and real. I hardly feel like I'm escaping. I also like to watch cultural programming, but again, I feel like I've got at least one foot in reality and I'm not lost in a dream because the programs are very objective. It would be different if they were lyrical journeys. I like very factual things, although that's very different from how I used to be. I used to watch television to escape and now I watch it to face reality. 

That must be why I like news programs so much and political talk shows. I do squirm when politicians are interviewed in depth. So few of them are willing to come right out and give a straight answer. They don't like to be pinned down. I dislike evasive answers and the politicians who give them. I do like good interviewers who don't back off. 

I suppose I'm wide awake now and I will have to drink milk to get sleepy again. At least the dog has settled down. I will have to go find my bed and get under the duvet and sleep a few hours before the personal helper gets here. 

I hope you will have all had a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

The soul wants something too...

I'm drinking a cup of coffee and am slowly becoming coherent, although that makes it sound as if I was maybe comatose when I got up and I wasn't. I was actually quite perky, but for writing a blog post I have to be on my toes. That's what I think anyway because I want to be engaging, although I usually find that incredibly difficult. I think when it comes to sounding fascinating, I usually fall flat on my face. I take myself much too seriously for that. 

This will be my effort to see and address the lighter side of things, although I don't know if I will pull it off. It's tough to become suddenly lighthearted when you are always so very literally and stick to the serious side of the subject. Sometimes I try to write with irony, but I don't think that comes across at all. It falls flat on its face also. I have a tendency to forget to see the humorous side of things, although I don't lack a sense of humor. I'm big on slapstick and farce. 

Already I'm bogged down in seriously analyzing my tendency to see the seious side of things and that while I said I wouldn't. You see, it's in the nature of the beast. I must immediately cease and desist and enter the lighthearted zone.

Yesterday evening I ordered a new cardigan on line that will go with a few dresses that I have that I would otherwise not get to wear. I suddenly remembered their existence and realized that what I needed was something warm and fashionable to wear over them in a complimentary color. This cardigan is made of fine wool and is knee length and open in the front so it shows the dresses. It's a creamy vanilla color which matches some of the color in the dresses.

I got it on sale for hardly any money at all and I counted my good luck. It must be that time of year for them to be priced low. It might also have been a matter of good timing and I just started looking at the right moment when this particular one was on sale. It will be delivered in the morning and I will see if I made a good choice. I assume I did. It will match my boots also. With any luck, I will look like a picture of fashion. 

And, it's like my mother always said: if you run fast, nobody motices the difference. 

I went on the bathroom scale, although it was not the right time to weigh myself, and saw that I only had two kilos to lose. That will be even less in the morning because it always is. Losing that little weight is not much of a problem. It's  4.4 lbs. That does give me lots of hope. 

I reapplied my nail polish to those nails that needed it last night. Some of them had become chipped already. I didn't want to have to redo all of them so I did the ones that were in bad shape. When I get the chance, I will sit down and do all of them over again. I must try a better nail polish. Something that really stays on for a long time and that doesn't chip no matter what you do with it. There must be some like it. I don't believe the industry hasn't come up with it yet. Or they must not be willing to sell it for fear of falling sales. 

Maybe there will be some nail polish in my Glossy Box and I hope for a good lipstick also. The ones I have don't stay on very well. At least not when I drink a beverage, but that may be the problem with all of them. Maybe you're not supposed to drink anything with lipstick on. Yesterday I forgot to put any on and every tiome I thought of it, it was the wrong moment. It does get discouraging if you have to keep reapplying it. You see your lipstick dwindling as you use it. 

I do like this business of being female and already look forward to the morning when I can mess around with my make up again. The face wash I use is very good for my skin and leaves it relatively soft. It does a good job of getting my make up off. Applying my mascara is a job and a half because I don't have the eyelashes I used to have and it takes a bit of effort to make them look full. I also poke myself in the eye. The night creme I was using is making my eyes water so I've stopped using it. I'll have to use the baby lotion again.

Maybe there will be a good creme in the Glossy Box. I do have high expectations of it, don't I? Since I will be getting one once a month, I'm bound to run into something good sooner or later. All I have to do is be patient and I'm good at that. I'll use what I already have in the meantime. 

There's nothing special on the program today. There will be a few chores to do and cultural TV to watch so I will get my fill of that. I do need to have my intellect stomulated. My soul can't be barren. It does seem like I concern myself with only my make up and my clothes right now, but they are just the things that bring me comfort. The rest of me also needs to get fed. 

I hope you'll all have a great weekend. I'm going in search of my bed again. I have some hours to sleep until morning. First I've got to drink a glass of ice cold milk to make me burp. I have to have some sound effects. 

Ciao,

Nora

Don't want to feel like that...

Going on this drastically new diet has not been a good idea. It has not worked out well at all. It turns out that all the things I started eating did not agree with me and gave me a stomachache and very bad heartburn. I also could not drink coffee or tea, not even if it was green tea or rooibos. Everything that I had to eat or drink was a disaster. 

As a result, I was pretty miserable yesterday and the antacid tablets weren't working. I spent a lot of time in bed lying there as quietly as I could, barely moving. I was hungry, but couldn't eat. Finally, I called the Exfactor and asked him to bring me some milk, as I thought that was going to be the only thing that was going to save me. 

He was over soon with two packs of it and I very carefully started drinking it and over the course of the evening my stomach started to settle down. Good enough so that I could go to sleep for a while. I'm up again now having some more milk. I really want a cup of coffee, but am afraid to have one. I don't want to upset my stomach again.

I'm going off the new diet immediately and going back to the dairy based one. Meat and fruits and vegetables don't agree with me. That much is obvious. I've seldom been so uncomfortable. It was an adventure I don't want to have again any time soon.

I've dared make a cup of coffee after all and put lots of milk in it. So far, so good. And it tastes delicious too and it's just what I needed. I hadn't had a cup since early yesterday morning. As you know by now, I'm not myself without my cups of coffee. It pleases me very much that I can drink this one and feel so good as a result of it. 

Today is Saturday and the day to do with as I please. I was afraid it was going to be a day spent suffering from heartburn, but now it looks like it is maybe not going to be. Thank goodness for small favors. For big favors, I should say. I will appreciate the day all the more for feeling good and not take it for granted. 

The first thing I'm hopefully going to do is sleep late because I'm in need of that after yesterday. It wasn't exactly a restful day. It was sort of an anxious day. Some cultural programs and some sports on TV will be nice too. No doubt I will not have to do without them. I envision a day of leisure and that's what I'll probably get. 

I hope you're all having a good night, or a good day, whichever time zone you're in.

Ciao,

Nora

Weekends...

Much as I may have claimed otherwise in the past, I think I don't like weekends anymore. I think I'm finding out that they are really too dull. Today I experienced as a rather unexciting and long lasting day with not much interesting happening in it. And it seemed to take forever to get over and done with too. But I already said that.

True, there were cultural programs on TV in the morning and they redeemed the day to some extend. And the Exfactor came over to drink coffee and do some groceries for me, so I did have some distraction. But the rest of the day collapsed like a soufflé and I hardly knew what to do with it. There wasn't much shine to it despite the everlasting sunshine.

I may have been a very dull person myself today and have been incapable of thinking of anything exciting to do with my time. That's very possible. I normally don't need to be entertained to enjoy my time. I'm satisfied very quickly and am happy if I can be peacefully and quietly occupied with hardly anything at all. I could look for the cause inside myself. 

But outside it was dull also. There hardly were any people out there and the world seemed like an abandoned place. I don't know where everyone went, unless they all went to the beach on this first day of October when it was such beautiful weather.

Whichever is true, I have to make sure that I don't have another day like it tomorrow because now I feel like I've completely wasted the day. At least I could have contemplated my navel and I didn't even do that. I didn't live in the moment and took no proactive role in my life. I let the day slowly slip away from me without putting a stop to it. I didn't do any mindful living.

Aren't I hard on myself? I did get dressed and walk the dog and eat when it was time. I took my medicines and a nap. I was dutiful. I guess I want to be more than that.

Now I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, but I'm about to go to bed with a glass of milk. I'm looking forward to it very much. I'm going to fluff up my pillows and lay me down to sleep gently. If all goes well, I should sleep until the morning. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

It's officially Saturday...

What a wonderful day for it to be. Of course, I have no real reason to think why it should be, except that it's a weekend day and I still somehow stubbornly believe that those are better than weekdays. Old beliefs die hard and this one will too. 

Nowadays my weekdays are as nice as the weekends are because I live through them with the least amount of pain. The stress has gone out of them, so they are really no big deal anymore.

A little part of me must still think that Saturday and Sunday are superior days and until I believe differently, I will enjoy them in that capacity as much as I can. I may as well get the most out of it. There's no sense in wasting a good feeling once you've got it. I don't need to talk myself out of it.

At least there will be better daytime programs on TV than there are during the week. That always cheers me up. I do need my cultural input and my sports. I can't be deprived of them. My brain needs to be fed with interesting and entertaining information. 

Right now, though, I've very much got to tell myself to live in the moment and not anticipate the day too much. I have to enjoy the moment I'm in and the fact that I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and my cigarettes, writing this post very leisurely. I'd almost forget to do that and it's so important. 

I'm sitting here in my pajamas and my bathrobe in an almost cool living room. All the windows are open at the top to keep airing out the apartment. It's chilly outside, but it never gets as cold inside. There's no wind blowing, so there's no draft to speak of.

I'm undecided if I'm going back to bed after I finish this. I may sit in the armchair and contemplate my navel. I actually feel very much awake and don't feel much like sleeping anymore. I'd like to have a garden to sit in and watch it become dawn. 

It's too bad that I don't like to read anymore because I could spend much leisurely time doing it. Now that I have the time, I don't have the inclination. I wonder if the urge to read will ever come back? I still treasure my books. To look at and for the memories. I just have no desire to read one. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Silences and books...

If you look at it optimistically, it's very early in the morning, though that doesn't mean that it's anywhere near dawn. Of course, it's still wintertime so the sun does get up late. If it were summertime, it would be different and the early birds would be twittering now. It is a sound I will welcome and not soon enough. There's nothing happier than early morning bird song.

I've got hours of darkness left while I sit here and drink my coffee and try to amuse myself. I've just taken my vitamin pill while I thought of it and I will take my Omega 3 capsule when that huge vitamin pill has passed the narrow opening of my gastric band. The Omega 3 capsule is rather large too and I'm afraid to take both at the same time. I would hate to cause an obstruction while being especially mindful of my health.

It's with some amount of pleasure that I welcome Saturday. Because it's a weekend day, I will spend it as I like and have no schedule that looks like anything during the week. I will do some chores and walk the dog, but it will mostly be at my leisure. I will watch cultural programs on television and start reading a new book, because last night I finished reading the book that's in my sidebar. 

I had read half of it and put it aside and never got around to finishing it. I picked it up last night and sat down in my armchair and did and with much pleasure too. I didn't put it down until I was done with it and even forgot to watch the news. That's saying something. It may be because I know Laurie Hertzel from her blog that I was especially interested in this book, but it was just plain good and fun to read.

I have a variety of novels on my bookcase to choose from, but I want to make the right choice, because I'm a picky reader right now and not just any old book is going to grab my attention and make me sit down long enough to finish it. It does have to be especially good and have many redeeming features. I have to have a good look at each one and choose carefully.

It's still stormy outside and cloudy, but it's not raining. It's not going to be especially cold, but the gusts of wind make it feel colder than it is. It will be a good day to mostly stay inside and hunker down. At least we're not having snow and ice or that terrible snow storm that the people in North America are having. Those are real extremes of weather that we don't have to deal with. 

I hope you'll all have a nice day!

Ciao,

Nora

Nothing like it...

There's nothing like a cold glass of milk when you're quenching your thirst, except that you then want a second and third one and I do have to draw the line somewhere, don't I? I'll run out of milk before it's shopping day if I don't. And it does make your body cold all over if you have more than one ice cold glass, which makes you want to put on your bathrobe for warmth. I just did that, because I couldn't resist temptation. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak.

I was asleep already, but was awakened by my neighbors a few houses down who are having a cocktail party in their back garden. There's a cacophony of laughing and shouting voices, no doubt helped along by some alcohol. I'll have to close my window when I go to sleep next or they will have stopped their party by that time. Maybe all the people will be driven inside by the cold. It's only 11C outside, after all. They must all be out there with jackets on. Maybe these are all the guests that smoke cigarettes. If so, there are many of them.

The day went by fine. I walked Tyke three times and all three times he acted like a runaway elephant from the circus. He hopped, skipped and jumped all over the place, he was that happy to be outside. He was 18 months old yesterday and still acts and looks like a puppy. He is endearing when you see him and everybody wants to pet him, especially old ladies.

I read my novel, which I now realize is a "feel good" novel. I'll finish it nevertheless, because it is interesting enough and I'm far enough into it to stop reading it. I do want to know how it ends, but it's not the sort of novel I would normally read. It's a little bit too simple for that. I like one with more darker aspects to it. In this one someone is either a good guy or a bad guy, and the good guys are really good. Unconditionally so. It seems a movie has been made of this book, but I don't know how well it did in the theaters.

I watched a program about Alma Mahler, the wife of Gustav Mahler, who married two Jews in a time when it was not so popular to and she made her escape with her second husband to California and later to New York. When she went back after the war to reclaim her property in Austria, she was asked by the judge why she as a nice Christian woman had married two Jewish men, at which point she left Austria and never returned. She composed music of her own, but gave it all up when she married Mahler, who could not stand a wife who also composed. He thought she had to live in service of him. Her second husband was more broadminded and gave her all sorts of room to develop herself. His name was Franz Werzel who wrote the book The Song of Bernadette. It was a promise he made if they were to escape the Nazis.

This program was part of the cultural programming that's on television on Saturdays, which is very rewarding and deals with art and literature and architecture. I do get my fill on Saturdays and so appreciate that. Especially since I get to do so very few cultural things myself. I do hunger for these things and am very curious about them. I took two classes in art history in California and I'm fascinated by the subject, so anything like it is fine with me, but I also like modern art, although it doesn't always make sense to me and expressionism gives me a headache. And that's not even modern anymore. I like Karel Appel very much. His are very happy and lively paintings with lots of primary colors. They are like bursts of energy. If I could paint like that, I would be very happy.

For some reason, there are sports commentaries on talk radio on the weekends and I'm not too thrilled about that. I'd rather listen to something more interesting than a rehash on some football game that was played that afternoon. I suppose on the weekends sports are all that count, at least at the time that I go to bed and want to listen to the radio. I fall asleep anyway, because it's so darn boring, but I'd rather listen to a subject that I really care about and that is somewhat enriching to my intellect. Last night there was a piece on about a very good gymnast who had been caught using cocaine and I say, that's plain stupid, but why waste 30 minutes on it, as it happened some time ago. I'm sure we're not all going to run out and use cocaine now unless we're warned off by the example. Sometimes the public is thought to be simple.

Sundays are a day of rest, but I'm going to change my bed and do a load of laundry. I'm also washing the fleece blankets that I have on the sofa and armchair. The yellow and red one. I also have to remember to water the plants again. The spider plant is taking quite a beating from the animals. They both want to chew on it. For some reason it is a very fascinating plant to them with its spiky leaves. They chew all the babies off. I'll have to get another less attractive plant to put on the dining table and move this one to a less vulnerable spot, wherever that is. Somewhere safe from Gandhi, on the bookcase probably. She can't get in there and it will be safe from Tyke too. It will give the spider plant a proper chance to grow like it should and become abundant.

I had to stop using my light therapy lamp, as it was making me hypomanic, or had I already mentioned that? It seems that when you use it when you're not depressed, this happens. I went up and up and up and then came down with a crash and then returned to normal, but I haven't used the lamp since. I didn't realize that could happen and used it as a preventive measure, which turned out to be not a good idea. You only should use it when you're really depressed and not when you think you may become so down the line. I suppose I'm still getting enough hours of daylight for this not to be the case. It's not nice to fool mother nature. Another lesson learned.

I need to make an appointment to get my hair cut as it is now becoming unmanageable. It's too long to brush it into the proper shape and I look funny. I also ran out of hairspray and now I can't do a thing with it because it is fly away hair. If I sleep on it wrong it sticks out in a funky direction. I thought about letting it grow, but I don't like that awkward in between stage and I would rather have it cut short again. Besides, I need the pampering that a visit to the hair salon brings with it. I'm looking forward to it. I deserve it. I am woman hear me roar...

I've been wearing my multi colored floral dress, but I think I will change into my burgundy colored India cotton dress with pockets today. I have a nice silky scarf that goes with it. I can make myself happy in anticipation about which clothes I'm going to wear. It is a treat to myself, even if I don't share it with anybody else. I do it for my own satisfaction and to look good when I walk Tyke. I am a city woman, after all. I can't walk around in grungy clothes. I dress up always, even for unimportant things. Besides, I don't have grungy clothes. I don't have old clothes to wear for dirty jobs either. I just don't do dirty jobs.

It's in the very wee hours of the morning now, optimistically speaking. There's some time to go until dawn. I think the neighbors' party is over, it's quiet out there now and I did hear a bunch of people leave some time ago. Tyke's sound asleep in the armchair and Gandhi is asleep on the sofa. I've got to clean the kitchen up a little bit and I'll do that before I go to bed again. I'm not sleepy, but for the heck of it I'll go back to bed. A person does have to be sensible and I did just now yawn.

I hope you all have a nice day.

Ciao,
Nora