Challenge...

I've been challenged not to write about coffee, but you may as well ask me not to write a post at all because it is impossible for me not to mention coffee. It is such an integral part of my daily life that it would be hard not to talk about it. It makes me function when I'm about ready to take a nap and don't want to. I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee now and there's more in the pot to have in a while. I'm looking forward to it already and yes, I'm starting to function much better. 

I haven't done a bleeding thing all day but walk the dog and sit around and watch interesting programs on television. I do make sure I see my fair share of those on Sundays. That's after I've quietly contemplated my navel in the silence of the early morning hours when I've finally gotten up. Because it's Sunday, I don't feel called upon to do a heck of a lot and feel that being lazy is perfectly legitimate. 

All I had to do was get dressed at one point and pretend to be wide awake, but I don't feel that I have to be as alert as I have to be the rest of the week. The dog seems to have the same notion and takes many naps in whatever sunshine is available to him. He must know that it's my day off and doesn't make too many demands. We do honor the day of the Lord and pay proper attention when the church bells ring, but that's as far as our devotion goes. 

Tonight the Netherlands is playing its football match against Portugal. We are still in the running if we beat them with two points and if Germany beats Denmark. Those are a lot of ifs that I don't have faith in. I don't even know if I will stay up to watch the match. I may get so disgusted that I'll turn off the televsion and go to bed. I even thought about lighting a candle at the Our Dear Lady Chapel, but I'm sure a lot of like minded, middle aged, Portugese women will do the same thing in their chapels. And they are catholic and I am not.

The sun does come out every once in a while even though it is overcast a lot. At least it's not raining today. It's not very warm outside and I do have to wear a jacket when I walk the dog. I'm wearing warmer clothes too, but that's purely because I'm being less stubborn and am indulging myself. I decided I wanted to be extra comfortable and ignore the fact that it's nearly summer. I don't know who to blame this weather on. Maybe some day it will be sunshiny and warm again. 

I just remembered that I have to do a load of laundry. In all my laziness I had forgotten that. 

Ciao,
Irene

Options...

It was a choice to either have some coffee or go take a nap. I chose for the coffee and am waiting for the coffeemaker to finish brewing it so I can have a much needed cup. I will forsake the nap and save up my sleep for tonight when I will go to bed at a fairly decent time. I won't have to watch any football matches anyway after last night's debacle when the Dutch team lost against Germany. They haven't won a match yet. It's a terrible situation and I'm much disgusted and so is the rest of the population of this country.We're all walking around in a bad mood. 

I mustn't let that press my fun and immediately move on to other things more uplifting. I will not let the defeat of the Dutch football team determine my outlook for the rest of the day.  I'm sure there are other more important things that are of influence such as this cup of coffee I'm having now and the fact that the sun is shining into the living room. That does alter your mood and make you more cheerful. There's nothing as welcome as a bit of sunshine after all these days of cloudy skies and showers. I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can. 

I knew I would cheer myself up writing about that. Just making a note of it is enough to make me happier. The fact that it's getting warmer in the living room does also because it was a little bit chilly in here and I wasn't about to close the windows. It is June after all and that would be admitting defeat. For the same reason I can't turn on the heater even if it does get cold in here. I am bound and determined to keep believing that summer will get here yet and that it will happen in my lifetime. 

I'm wearing a summery top that is new, but at the same time I'm wearing my jeans and a jeans jacket. I'm not quite as warm and comfortable as I'd like to be. I'd like to wear a pair of socks too and a scarf around my neck, but I thought that might be a bit too pessimistic and not in keeping with the time of year. It's always a bit of a struggle to decide what to wear in the morning because I want to wear my summer clothes, but the weather discourages me from doing so. Wearing layers seems to be the best way to deal with it. 

The dog is watching the maintenance people from the city clean up the municipal flowerbeds. They are making an awful lot of noise because they are using power tools. I liked it better in the olden days when things were done by hand and it was a gentle occupation. I'm sure people were more skilled back then too. Nowadays everything seems to get cut back indiscriminately. The dog was sleeping in the sunshine on the dining table. He was very rudely disturbed in his sleep. 

I will now go take him for a walk and enjoy some of the sunshine. Hopefully, it will be warmer outside than it is in here.

Have a great day.

Ciao,
Irene

Another thrilling Sunday...

I just came home from seeing my sister where I sat in the garden and got a bit of a tan on my exposed body parts and sun burned knees that were previously white. It is a funny sight to see and makes me look very colorful. I'm white and tan and red.

I'm going to have to rub lotion all over myself so I won't dry out because my skin is not as young and supple as it used to be. I'll have to take care of my face especially if I want to grow old gracefully. There are already fine lines there and I don't want them to turn into grooves because I can't afford a facelift to smooth them out.

I've had to make myself some coffee, feeling on the verge of having to take a nap, and now I'm drinking a cup and am slowly recuperating. The caffeine is doing me good like I knew it would. I won't have to take a nap now and will be able to go to bed at a sensible time tonight.  It will be after I watch the latest thriller because it is KRO Detective Month and there is a thriller on every night. It is so exciting and they have been British and Swedish so far which is very good. I really do get my thrill and can't get enough of them. More is the motto.

I watched the very disappointing football match between The Netherlands and Denmark and in the end I was wishing for Denmark to make another goal, that's how disgusted I was with the Dutch team. The Dutch were so arrogant beforehand and said we would easily beat the Danes. Sure...

I also watched the match between Germany and Portugal and that was only a little more exciting. It's not football of the first rank so far. I will watch the matches that will be played tonight if that doesn't interfere with watching my thriller. My thriller almost definitely comes frst. It depends on how exciting the other teams and matches are.

Now I've got to eat, my stomach is growling.

Have a nice day.

Ciao,
Irene

Actually...

It's already halfway through the evening and it's still light outside. The sun keeps setting later each day. I do like it because it gives me hope that summer is really on its way. You wouldn't think it was springtime the way the weather is behaving, although the temperatures are only a little bit below normal for the time of year.

I've only watched the news to see what was happening politically in the country and didn't see the weather forecast so I have no idea how the rest of the week is going to be. 

The prime minister turned in his and his cabinet's resignation to the queen this afternoon. Her acceptance should be a mere formality. A lot of political parties want elections as soon as possible but others say to wait until September. There are the Euro Cup Football half finals on the day they picked in June.

I'll not bore you with the politics of my country. I'm sure you're more than bored enough with the politics of your own country. Or maybe you get excited about them too like I do. 

The dog ate a banana and an apple. I asked him if he was happy in English and he mistook the word "happy" for the word "apple" which is pronounced almost the same way in Dutch as it is in English. Of course I had no rest after that until I had peeled him an apple. 

He did eat some of his regular food but not until I threw away what was left over and put new food into his bowl. He is picky. He does require new kibbles every day. Everything has to be as fresh as possible. The cat is the same way and right they are. 

I ate vanilla pudding after the Exfactor went to the grocery store and bought it. It's my major downfall and what I really like most of all. After I've had it, I'm happy for the rest of the day. I don't have that with any kind of other food. It's completely satisfactory and filling. 

I've decided to give quitting smoking another try. I'm going to finish the tobacco I have left and then start on the nicotine patches. I have enough of those for the first two weeks. This will be the third time that I try it and that should be a charm. I sincerely hope I make it. Spending the money on the tobacco is killing me. 

I hope you're all having a good evening.

Ciao,
Irene

In the mood...

I'm always the most comfortable when I tell you that I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It sets the stage, sort to say. I've taken a nap and now it's almost evening. Outside the sky looks threatening and it wouldn't surprise me if we got another terrible shower that we seem to get every evening. 

Inside it is a little chilly because I don't have the heater turned on yet. I don't know why I'm being so stubborn. I guess I'd rather sit here and freeze my buns off but the cup of hot coffee is warming me somewhat.

My mood is neither here nor there. It's unimportant and I'm not going to waste any words on it. The less said about it the better. 

This weekend the government collapsed and we will have new elections. A lot of people have been waiting for this to happen, including me. I was not too fond of the government and I hoped it would collapse. Still, I was pleasantly surprised when it did. 

It collapsed over the budgetary cut backs and how severe they were going to be and believe me, they were. Now it is hoped that all the other political parties come up with their better alternative budgets so we can make sensible decisions. 

Because of the summer holidays, the elections won't take place until September at the earliest. Everyone will get the time to prepare themselves properly. I already know which party I'm going to vote for, so I'm more than ready to.

There was also a train accident at the Central Station in Amsterdam. For some reason there were two trains on the same track that hit eack other head on. There were many wounded and a lot of them severe. For now it is unknown how these two trains ended up on the same track but there's going to be an investigation. 

So, despite the fact that I spent a lot of the weekend sleeping,  I did manage to stay well informed. I watched the news as events unfolded and took naps in between. I did miss most of the sports that were on but I'm going to watch the highlights tonight. A couple of football games were played today and I want to know their outcomes. 

Except for the news events, the weekend was quiet and went by quickly. I suppose I'm ready for the week to start. I'm not thrilled about it and frankly don't care much one way or the other. I suppose my mood could be better. I'm sure I'm affected by events more than I realize. 

Have a great evening.

Ciao,

Irene

Is there anything else?

I'm slightly discombobulated from having fallen asleep in my armchair. I had pulled the red fleece blanket over me because I was cold and before I knew it, I had nodded off. I slept sitting up like that for about an hour and woke up completely disoriented. It was a bit of an unusual place to take a nap, after all. I'm still yawning now after a cup of coffee and I'll have to have a second one before I really am awake.

I just peeled an apple for the dog and he ate it with much appetite. I secretly obeserved him eating it. It's so much fun to watch. He takes delicate bites and makes thoughtful crunching sounds when he chews. For a while, nothing in the world exists but that apple.

I've gotten a second cup of coffee and I'm starting to feel better now. I'm not quite as fuzzy as I was. Cups of coffee are so good for my mental health. If tea did the same thing I would drink it but I have not experienced the proof of it yet.

The afternoon is drawing to a close and we didn't see any sunshine all day. It has been dreary and cold. The wind was coming from the north-east today and that usually means it's colder. I've had the heater on for most of the day and even so I've been feeling chilled. I think I'm wearing enough clothes but that doesn't seem to help. 

If I really want to do something nice for myself, I'd change the bed and I think that's just what I'll do. It will be a treat to get under a clean duvet cover this evening. Besides, I've got that new good smelling washing powder and it does make the laundry smell good. It's great to have it drying on the clothes rack. 

My thumb is healing up quite nicely and doesn't hurt half as bad as it did yesterday. I can even use it a little bit if I'm careful. I'm very careful with the new paring knife now that I know how sharp it is. I treat it with the respect it deserves.

The Amstel Gold Race was taking place here this afternoon and there were helicopters in the air making lots of noise. It must have been a madhouse along the route. I didn't follow the race on television, although I usually do every year. I like to watch them climb the famous Cauberg. I've done it on foot many times and it's a real doozy.It does make your legs ache. 

I've got the perfect hairdo today. It's completely tousled but in place the way I want it to be. I achieved this by rubbing it with a towel and then roughly running my hands through it and applying hairspray. I bet I can sleep on it tonight and have it look the same way in the morning. I'll give it a try anyway. 

I hope you're all having a good Sunday. Too bad it's the last day of the weekend. 

Ciao,

Irene

Revenge of the awful dog...

I've tried to get a good night's sleep for a couple of hours now, but every hour or so the dog woke me up with some excuse or another. I tried to ignore him, but I finally gave up and got up because I could not stay asleep any longer. I will try again later when he has settled down. 

I'm sitting here yawning, but this cup of coffee I'm having should help that.The dog is asleep by my feet. Hopefully now he will be sweet and docile. The cat is sitting on the kitchen counter eating her kibbles. To her it doesn't matter if it's day or night. She does what she pleases when it pleases her and bothers no one. She's easy. 

I must say that I'm glad the weekend is over, although it did go by quickly so it wasn't a long ordeal to get through. Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was just an ordinary weekend like so many others. The most pleasant thing I did was take naps in the afternoon which got me over the tough time of the day when I never know what to do with myself.

Now that I don't read anymore, my books stand forlorn on the bookcase and I no longer get lost for several hours at the time in literature. I often think I will never read another novel again because I absolutely have no interest in them. It's like I don't want to get lost in them and be cut of from reality. I feel that I constantly have to be in touch with the here and now. 

I do like to watch sports on television. I feel that's very actual and real. I hardly feel like I'm escaping. I also like to watch cultural programming, but again, I feel like I've got at least one foot in reality and I'm not lost in a dream because the programs are very objective. It would be different if they were lyrical journeys. I like very factual things, although that's very different from how I used to be. I used to watch television to escape and now I watch it to face reality. 

That must be why I like news programs so much and political talk shows. I do squirm when politicians are interviewed in depth. So few of them are willing to come right out and give a straight answer. They don't like to be pinned down. I dislike evasive answers and the politicians who give them. I do like good interviewers who don't back off. 

I suppose I'm wide awake now and I will have to drink milk to get sleepy again. At least the dog has settled down. I will have to go find my bed and get under the duvet and sleep a few hours before the personal helper gets here. 

I hope you will have all had a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

Last but not least...

I'm so fully awake that I could do a number of jobs right now and It's a shame that it's the middle of the night and that I'm restricted by the darkness. Well, I'm restricted by other factors as well, but that's a result of my life's conditions and not so much because of unwillingness on my part. 

I have a great big adventurous streak and it tends to come to the surface when I'm up like this and if I had the money and the wherewithal, I would give it free reign. Give me some hard cash and a couple of credit cards and I would be on my way. I'd have an overnight bag packed in no time. Wow, a person can dream, can't she? 

I just need to be independently wealthy, that's all. Or have the pocket money of an oil sheik.

I better get my feet back on the ground lest my fantasy carries me away completely because that's so easily done. Before you know it I'm in Paris sitting in a sidewalk cafe watching Parisians walk by with baguettes in their arms. And I do have to go back to the Louvre and explore it more extensively. 

Most museums have websites where you can see their whole collections quite well. They are usually laid out very well and easy to navigate around in. It almost makes you feel like you're there for a real visit. You do get a very good idea of what's there and where to find it. It suffices when you can't go there yourself.

For now I'm just sitting here with my inevitable cup of coffee and my cigarettes getting a little chilled because I don't have my bathrobe on yet. I didn't do that purposely because I was so hot and bothered when I got up out of bed. I think I shouldn't sleep in pajamas at all, but modesty dictates it even though there are only the animals here.

I think I'm going to buy a nightgown next when I'm in the mood to shop. It will be a nightie like an oversized T-shirt. Maybe that won't be as warm to wear. 

It's an overcast night and it's slightly drizzling outside, but you can't hear the rain fall. It's no good opening the bedroom window to try and listen to it. I won't hear a thing. I will open the window anyway because it's not cold outside and it will be nice to let the fresh night air in. It does get stuffy inside otherwise. As long as the dog does not shiver, it will be alright. He's my temperature gage.

Since today is Saturday, it's a 'Day of for Dummies.' That's what I've decided to call this day. You don't need a lot of brainpower to get through it.  You can pretty much arrange the day as you see fit and let it happen almost by accident. At least, it's that way in my case because I have no major commitments. It's a much easier day than Sundays, when I really try to make something of it. 

It's with much happiness that I can tell you that the speed skating season has started and yesterday we had the first races of the Dutch championships. There will be more on today, so I will not be bored in the least. I do love speed skating and I especially like watching the men's races. I love how strong and fast they are and how graceful. I am a living and breathing female after all. I do love the well developed male shape.

It's time I go back to bed. I've got to do a little bit more sleeping instead of going off on an adventure. The morning will start soon enough. 

I hope you'll all have a great weekend. 

Ciao,

Nora

Neither here nor there...

I'm actually a little sleepy and may not at all be in proper shape to write a blog post despite the cups of coffee I'm having. I'm occasionally yawning and longing for my bed just a little bit. I'll try to ignore that longing for now and enjoy the time I'm up. I'm having a good enough time other than that. 

I did enjoy reading all the other blogs and leaving comments on them. I may have taken too much time doing that and have used up all my energy. I can only stay up so many hours at midnight before I have to go back to bed to finish sleeping. I tell myself that the cup of coffee I'm having now will see me through writing this post. 

It sure does pack a punch because I made it strong enough to make my hair stand on end. I was overly optimistic when I added the ground coffee. Some nights I get like that and make it so strong that it makes my mouth pucker when I drink it. My stomach can handle that fairly well. Now that I'm not felled by a bug anymore, I can handle just about any cup of coffee. 

I went to sleep early, but was wakened by a stumbling and scratching sound. I didn't know where it came from, but the dog heard it too. We went to investigate and after walking around the apartment for a bit, we discovered that it came from my closet. When I opened the door, a very disoriented cat came out and she had been locked in there for quite some time. I had last put something away in the closet in the afternoon. 

She was very happy to be liberated and wanted a saucer of milk first and to go outside next. She didn't seem to have any hard feelings about having been locked up. The dog thought it was all very curious and investigated the bottom of the closet real well as if he thought about taking up residence there himself. I'm sure he would get claustrophobic immediately. It would not be a good idea. 

I spent the afternoon at my sister's house, sitting in the sunshine, drinking rooibos tea. It agreed with my stomach very well and I think it has healing properties. It and green tea seem to be two of the kindest things I can drink. They don't make me feel full or give me any other sort of uncomfortable feeling, nor do they make me burp. 

The sunshine was kind and benevolent and we sat there in the warmth of it soaking up every ray. We stayed out as long as we could. Today is going to be an equally nice day. We're living under the influence of a high pressure system. The temperatures aren't that high, but the sun shines all day and when you're in a sheltered spot, it's wonderful. We do seem to be blessed on the weekends.

I watched the rugby match final between New Zealand and France for the World Championship and as you probably know, New Zealand won, although France played very well and it could have gone either way. New Zealand had not won it for 24 years since the start of the Championship. I was rooting for either team. 

A lot of football was played and I watched the highlights of it, which I like better than watching the whole games. I do enjoy the commentaries so much, which are really understated. It's the cool Dutch way of everybody keeping their heads together. There's no screaming or yelling or other over exuberance. We are not like that.

I expect to get a phone call today to tell me that my glasses will be ready to be picked up. It will be today or tomorrow. That will make it exactly two weeks since I ordered them. I've waited long enough. 

I'm ready to go back to bed. It's the only place for me to be now. I have no business sitting here any longer. Since it's officially Monday, I do need to get some sleep in order to get up on time in the morning. 

I hope you're all having a good night and that you'll have a good morning when you get up. 

Caio,

Nora

It won't work...

I lived under the mistaken assumption that I could function on just one cup of heated up coffee and I turned out to be wrong. It doesn't work at all. It's like there's no caffeine left in it after it has been sitting for a few hours and it has been heated up again. It's a cheap and easy way to try and get your kicks. 

I'm making proper coffee now and in a moment I'm going to have a real cup of it. Then I'll really start functioning and not sit here like this bleary eyed woman that I am in the middle of the night. The old coffee was poured down the drain where it belonged and where it should have gone in the first place. Good riddance. 

Since it's already officially Saturday, I should be in a festive mood and I'll try and remember to be that right now. I must put on a party hat, except that I think I have no such item in the apartment. I don't have a lampshade that will fit either. I will have to give expression to my happy mood in an other way. 

Actually, the place I really belong is my bed. I got woken up prematurely by the dog again who licked me awake because he had to go out. I don't mind being woken up like that, but I was sound asleep. It was pleasant, however, to cool off my sweaty body in the cool night air by the back door. 

As Johan Cruyff says: every disadvantage has its advantage. 

I hope you'll all have a good Saturday. 

Ciao,

Nora

Almost cured at last...

My cup of coffee tastes especially nice now in the middle of the night and it's the second one I'm drinking. And no, my stomach is not in an uproar because of it. It is behaving quite normally, almost as if it is completely back to normal, although there are still some odd noises emanating from it. I just pretend it's practicing behaving like a regular stomach again. 

So, I'm very cheered that I get to have my cup of coffee and right now I think that all is well with the world. I can claim happiness and contentment for at least a little while. I'll actually try to make it last for as long as the night and day are long. That shouldn't be too hard to do. I don't expect anything to stand in my way. I do feel that I must choose the side of optimism. The glass is half full. 

It's an amazing thing that you have to be miserable to really appreciate what you've got, but that's how I feel right now. I'm so relieved that I have been able to drink and eat a few things again, that my whole disposition has been affected by it. I'm grateful that my stomach is healing and that it's not permanently going to cause me problems. 

I was very concerned about that and it's an enormous relief to find it getting better now. I suppose there's nothing like good health and even the threat of bad health is enough to put a scare into you. Imagine if something had been seriously wrong and how that would have affected me. I mustn't think about it. It would have been a huge burden to live with and my heart goes out to the people who have to.

Yesterday was a seriously nice day. The weather was wonderful and the sun was out all day in a bright blue sky. Luckily, I really got to appreciate it because my sister and I sat outside the front of her house in the sunshine in the afternoon and even got some color. We stayed there until it was time for me to go home. Her house sits on a sheltered street and we weren't bothered by the wind. It didn't interfere until I got on my bike and rode it home.

I did chores on and off while watching sports on TV and I've been watching the rugby championship that's being played in New Zealand. I'm becoming more knowledgeable about rugby and what a good and tough sport it is. I still don't understand all of the rules, but I'm learning. 

The Netherlands won the world championship baseball competition. We beat Cuba to do it. We do feel a certain amount of pride at that. It was a big deal over here and it is hoped that even more kids will start playing baseball now. A lot of our players come from the Dutch Antilles where baseball is a big sport. We have an American coach who speaks Dutch very well. 

Of course, there was the football competition and I do give a running commentary on that with the dog as my single audience member. He does look at me funny as he tries to decipher what I'm talking about. I do very clearly state my opinions. It's a good thing that there's no one else here to get into an argument with. Yesterday, during one game, I would have handed out many more red cards than the referee did. 

Still, I managed to change the bed and do the laundry. At least one load of it. The second one is for today. It was pleasant to get into a clean bed last night. I think the dog appreciated it too because he very cozily cuddled up to me. For a change the cat wasn't around to hog all the attention and he was happy about that. He didn't have to bother chasing her off the bed anyway. 

I must get ready to go back to bed now because today is Monday and duty will be calling this morning. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora 

Don't want to feel like that...

Going on this drastically new diet has not been a good idea. It has not worked out well at all. It turns out that all the things I started eating did not agree with me and gave me a stomachache and very bad heartburn. I also could not drink coffee or tea, not even if it was green tea or rooibos. Everything that I had to eat or drink was a disaster. 

As a result, I was pretty miserable yesterday and the antacid tablets weren't working. I spent a lot of time in bed lying there as quietly as I could, barely moving. I was hungry, but couldn't eat. Finally, I called the Exfactor and asked him to bring me some milk, as I thought that was going to be the only thing that was going to save me. 

He was over soon with two packs of it and I very carefully started drinking it and over the course of the evening my stomach started to settle down. Good enough so that I could go to sleep for a while. I'm up again now having some more milk. I really want a cup of coffee, but am afraid to have one. I don't want to upset my stomach again.

I'm going off the new diet immediately and going back to the dairy based one. Meat and fruits and vegetables don't agree with me. That much is obvious. I've seldom been so uncomfortable. It was an adventure I don't want to have again any time soon.

I've dared make a cup of coffee after all and put lots of milk in it. So far, so good. And it tastes delicious too and it's just what I needed. I hadn't had a cup since early yesterday morning. As you know by now, I'm not myself without my cups of coffee. It pleases me very much that I can drink this one and feel so good as a result of it. 

Today is Saturday and the day to do with as I please. I was afraid it was going to be a day spent suffering from heartburn, but now it looks like it is maybe not going to be. Thank goodness for small favors. For big favors, I should say. I will appreciate the day all the more for feeling good and not take it for granted. 

The first thing I'm hopefully going to do is sleep late because I'm in need of that after yesterday. It wasn't exactly a restful day. It was sort of an anxious day. Some cultural programs and some sports on TV will be nice too. No doubt I will not have to do without them. I envision a day of leisure and that's what I'll probably get. 

I hope you're all having a good night, or a good day, whichever time zone you're in.

Ciao,

Nora

It's officially Saturday...

What a wonderful day for it to be. Of course, I have no real reason to think why it should be, except that it's a weekend day and I still somehow stubbornly believe that those are better than weekdays. Old beliefs die hard and this one will too. 

Nowadays my weekdays are as nice as the weekends are because I live through them with the least amount of pain. The stress has gone out of them, so they are really no big deal anymore.

A little part of me must still think that Saturday and Sunday are superior days and until I believe differently, I will enjoy them in that capacity as much as I can. I may as well get the most out of it. There's no sense in wasting a good feeling once you've got it. I don't need to talk myself out of it.

At least there will be better daytime programs on TV than there are during the week. That always cheers me up. I do need my cultural input and my sports. I can't be deprived of them. My brain needs to be fed with interesting and entertaining information. 

Right now, though, I've very much got to tell myself to live in the moment and not anticipate the day too much. I have to enjoy the moment I'm in and the fact that I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and my cigarettes, writing this post very leisurely. I'd almost forget to do that and it's so important. 

I'm sitting here in my pajamas and my bathrobe in an almost cool living room. All the windows are open at the top to keep airing out the apartment. It's chilly outside, but it never gets as cold inside. There's no wind blowing, so there's no draft to speak of.

I'm undecided if I'm going back to bed after I finish this. I may sit in the armchair and contemplate my navel. I actually feel very much awake and don't feel much like sleeping anymore. I'd like to have a garden to sit in and watch it become dawn. 

It's too bad that I don't like to read anymore because I could spend much leisurely time doing it. Now that I have the time, I don't have the inclination. I wonder if the urge to read will ever come back? I still treasure my books. To look at and for the memories. I just have no desire to read one. 

I hope you'll all have a great day.

Ciao,

Nora

Having no Monday blues...

I've spent the weekend trying to live in the moment and it was at times a great success, but mostly very difficult. I had to constantly pull myself back to the moment I found myself in and remind myself not to get lost in all sorts of reveries about things to come and things that were of the past. 

It amazed me what my mind kept itself so fanatically busy with. It was as if it never took a break. It was always going over what had already passed the revue a hundred times or it was busy planning what had to be done and could absolutely not be forgot. Very seldom, unless I very consciously directed it, was my mind attentive to the moment I was in and the very thing that was taking place then. 

But sometimes I did manage it and a great feeling of peacefulness and happiness would settle over me. So I did have those moments and I know that it can be achieved with enough practice if you keep redirecting yourself to the task. I think you have to be very vigilant and not give up on yourself, but keep jerking yourself back to the moment whenever you start to get lost in a useless 'let's ponder that over' session. 

Another thing I've been doing is asking myself the question very frequently of who's in charge here and who's motivating my actions. I try to get that to be my sensible adult and if it's not, I question who the hell it is instead. I find that very often I'm being boycotted in my daily life if my sensible adult is not in charge. Things just don't run very smoothly and in that case I'm my own worst enemy. 

So, I've attempted to let my sensible adult do a lot of the living and taking care of things. She does a very competent job. She's definitely someone I can trust. I know she won't let me down. 

All this talk of different entities makes me sound like I have multiple personalities, while I'm really just describing different aspects of my whole personality or even different kinds of behavior. I'm not split up into separate persons with separate identities. They are all me at different stages of my development. The sensible adult is the most healthy part of all of them and the one I most like to be in. It's the part of me that I can count on the most. 

So, this weekend was mental health weekend and for the near future my mental health will be the main feature in my life. And it won't be because I will be talking about it, but because I will be actively doing something about it. I won't just be passively complaining, which I think was a habit I had gotten into. 

I did do other things this weekend. The World Championships Athletics were on TV and I watched a lot of that. I'm very fond of athletics and like to watch all the different events, but especially the running and jumping because that's what I used to do and what my daughter did. Watching those events brings back many memories and makes me want have have a young, strong body and do it all over again.

Because my sensible adult was present so often, I got a lot of my chores done. I did reward myself with a lot of times out, but whenever I had the courage again I got something else done. The jobs I most hated and always used to put off, I now did with much more ease. Even those dreaded dishes. What helped was to stay in the moment and to pay attention to the specific job I was doing and nothing else.

Today's a busy day with my personal helper coming and the domestic help and an appointment with my psychiatrist. I suppose you'll all know who's going to be in charge here. 

Have a good day. 

Ciao,

Nora

Those rotten chores...

I've done my chores and the washing machine is churning away so I don't have to feel bad about sitting here and taking the time to write this. I've even done my administration and ordered new food for the dog on line. Yes, I have done my duties and didn't have a nervous breakdown. 

I only was in danger of having one for half a minute and then I dared it to. I faced it head on and decided it wasn't going to get to me. That I was stronger than it and that I was not in need of a tranquilizer simply because I had a number of stressful activities to take care of. 

I proved to be right. Opening the mail and facing possible bad news was not half as bad as I thought it was going to be. It was what it was, unpleasant. They wanted my money. I dislike that intensely, but it doesn't help if I have a breakdown over it.

In my spare moments I watched tennis at Roland Garros. There were some Dutch people playing and they needed my attention, not that it helped. We don't do all that great, not when faced with formidable opponents like Kim Klijsters and Marty Fish. It was fun to watch anyway and they were nice moments to have a cup of coffee and a cigarette.

I couldn't finish watching any of the matches, so I don't know how they ended. I had to do my chores and walk the dog in the windy day. There are rain clouds, but no rain has fallen out of them yet.

The dog had been stealing the potholders off their hook in the kitchen and playing with them. They had drool all over them and they're in the washing machine now. He has also been stealing the magnetic little animals off the refrigerator and I found them throughout the apartment. I put them up high, but he still got to them. 

It's a completely new activity for him that he's just discovered. Stealing things from the kitchen. I suppose that up till now, it was just a place to go eat and he hadn't really explored it properly. I guess next will be the dishtowels. I've got to go to the pet shop and buy him some new indestructible toys. He wrecked his rubber rabbit to the point that I had to toss it out. 

He really enjoyed tearing that rabbit apart and it took him a long time. It was worth the price I paid for it. I may get one like it again. It was the best toy we've had so far. 

I've got to put away the dishes and hang up the clean laundry. I'm glad the day is almost over. I have to walk the dog one more time and then I'm going to put on clean pajamas and vegetate in front of the television. I may even read my book. It will be an evening spent leisurely with the minimum amount of activity. 

You wouldn't have thought that officially this was my day off. I had no appointments today and nobody coming over. 

I hope you're all having a good day with the kind of weather you most want. 

Ciao,

Nora

 

Not so eager now...

Yesterday I was eager to get dressed and take Tyke out for a long walk, even though it was drizzling. Today I am not so eager and I'm still sitting here in my bathrobe. It is a different day with different ambitions, or should I say, it is a day with no ambitions at all? I did have some earlier this morning, but since then I have been back to bed and slept a few hours and now that I'm up again, I don't feel like doing anything special at all. 

I do have to say that my knee is bothering me and that is just from lying in bed with it. I must have overdone it yesterday and am paying the price for it now. It is a good excuse not to overdo it today. 

It's the same kind of gray and dreary day it was yesterday and it looks like it's going to rain any minute. Maybe this won't bother me after I've had some more coffee. That can make a difference in my attitude. Coffee as a rule does perk me up. However, I do think I'm ready for some sunshine now. That would motivate me to go outside and enjoy the fresh air. I still remember what it felt like to get wet yesterday and it took Tyke a long time to get dry.

There will be speed skating on television again this afternoon and I will probably watch that. I will also change my bed and wash the dirty sheets. Clean sheets will make it extra special to go to bed tonight. As if I need an excuse for that, right? I always like going to bed at night. That's one of my pleasures. I do have a guilty few. 

Tyke's trying to get my attention and I can't ignore him, so I'm simultaneously petting him and typing this. It is tough to do. As a matter of fact, it is impossible. I'll have to get dressed and take him for a short outing. I think that will satisfy him. We'll go around the sopping wet fields. 

I hope you all have a great day!

Ciao,

Nora

Feeling groovy...

I got up after having gone to bed early and Tyke thought that was a sign of action and started to get all excited. I had to ignore him and wait for him to settle down again, which he has now done and he is asleep on the sofa. I don't know why he thinks all sorts of things are going to happen in the middle of the night, because they never do. All I do is give him a rawhide chewy and hope he settles down again. He's a darn stubborn dog with a one track mind. It's stuck on having fun.

I was asleep under my nice clean sheets, but woke up nevertheless and had to get up. There was no sense in lying in bed waiting for sleep to come again. It will take a while for it to return. I don't mind and gladly get up for this middle of the night interlude. I will do my real sleeping when I go back to bed. What I've done now is take a long nap.

I've given it some thought and have decided to stop smoking. It's taking too much of my budget every month and I can use the money for other things. I will order nicotine patches at the pharmacy and finish up my tobacco that I still have and then quit smoking. For some reason I'm not at all fazed by this and I think that I can do it. I have a tremendous amount of confidence in myself and think that I will succeed.

It will mean that I and my apartment will no longer smell of smoke and that things will no longer get grimy because of it. I will be able to launder everything and have it smell fresh and apply air freshener to everything else. I'll get rid of the ashtrays that are always so smelly and I will be able to paint the living room and the hallway without having them turn brown again. And in the wintertime I will be able to close the windows without having the place smell bad. There are so many pros to quitting and there are so many cons to smoking, but the money is a big motivating factor. It's wasted now and that is a shame. It's going up in smoke, quite literally.

So that is my big resolution.

I had a quiet day yesterday. I didn't do anything exciting but change the bed and do a load of laundry that I forgot to hang up to dry, because there was till laundry hanging to dry on the rack in the bathroom. I have to take that down first and may do that in a while. There will be nice clean clothes there as well that will be tempting to put on in the morning. I can't wait.

I spent the afternoon watching a boring baseball game and reading my novel. The baseball game was truly boring and doesn't match up to American baseball and seems kind of amateurish in comparison. These guys could not play in the big league. I also watched some of La Vuelta, and that was a little bit more exciting. At least you get to see the scenery come by as the racers climb the mountains.

My book is good. There are some very dicey parts in it that I was not expecting and make it more than a feel good novel. I don't quite know how to deal with these elements in this book. They seem out of place and interfere with the happy ending that I assumed there would be. It's a bit more complicated than that and for some people life seems awfully unfair and very traumatic. I need to keep on reading to see how this resolves itself. If it does.

I walked Tyke in the fall sunshine and the somewhat chilly wind. I did wear a jacket, although it was a pretty day. Walking with Tyke is a hurry up and stop exercise, just like it used to be with Jesker. Tyke's always finding interesting places to examine for a long time and then suddenly runs off to the next place. He has unbounded energy and I have to keep up with him.

I just realized that I forgot to put the trash out and I wonder if I will do it now that it is in the middle of the night. It's kind of scary to go out there. I don't really have a full bag and it can wait until next week, I suppose. I won't be awake on time in the morning before they come to pick it up at 6 am.

I have to mail three books tomorrow for Bookmooch. I want to do that in the morning before the domestic help gets here, so I can't sleep too late. I do have to get up at a decent time. I'm sure I will not have to set my alarm clock but wake up on my own and get out of bed if I'm motivated enough. I'm going to have tea in the morning, because I'm almost out of coffee and the Exfactor is not going grocery shopping until Tuesday. He'll also come bearing gifts for my birthday. I asked for tennis balls for Tyke to play with. We've misplaced the one he had and he misses it a lot.

The try at the formation of the right wing coalition has failed and a lot of us are very much relieved. Now we start all over again and another sort of coalition will be attempted. All sorts are possible, but it will not be a right wing one, those chances are gone. Parties to the left will have to be involved and that will be much healthier and truer to the outcome of the elections. We can only keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best possible outcome. The government agreement has to be fair to the greatest amount of people and not just to an elite few at the top. It's not the little people who should pay the price for the economic situation, which is how the right wing coalition would have wanted it. It smacked of American republicanism, to tell you the truth. I don't think we want that kind of situation in this country. I'm more bound and determined to always vote socialistic as I see it as the fairest system for everyone in general.

Enough politics. I don't want to alienate anyone with my personal opinions. This is supposed to be a lighthearted blog.

I'm sitting in my bathrobe, drinking a glass of milk. It's 21C in here and the windows are still open at the top, although it is 11C outside. Isn't it amazing how warm it stays in here? I haven't had the heater on yet and will not for a long time. We're not expecting rain until Tuesday and today it is going to be 21C and sunshiny. I've got the perfect outfit for that kind of weather.

I love to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about the kind of clothes I'm going to wear because it makes me happy. I do so because I think I will look pretty, assuming somewhere along the line that I'm not this middle aged woman with this less than perfect body, but a tall woman who looks good in her well chosen clothes. I have all sorts of illusions that I'm more than happy to live with and that don't need to be burst like bubbles or pretty colored balloons. I'm happy to live with my self image, which is good and which I never test to reality, because there's no such thing. There's only the concept of self and that's all that counts.

I'm not nearly ready to go to bed and I think I will hang up the laundry. I'm afraid my schedule is turned upside down. I'm awake for the better part of the night and getting sleepy towards the morning. I feel alive during the night and enjoy myself too much. My mind is keener and I feel better. Possibly my ancestors were nocturnal. Maybe they were pub crawlers and didn't come home until the wee hours of the morning.

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

To bed, to bed...

I'm supposed to be in bed already. As a matter of fact, I was there until a little while ago after I had already taken my sleep medication, but then I decided that I was still wide awake and I got up again. Apparently, it wasn't cozy enough in bed, although I can hear the sound of the rain and I have clean sheets.

I think I was just not really ready to go to sleep and the animals were distracting me too much with their shenanigans. They kept climbing on top of me making it impossible for me to read my book properly. Tyke was especially breathing down my neck. He does have a way of making his presence known.

All afternoon and evening we have been playing with the tennis ball. That means I have to try and get it away from him and toss it through the apartment without breaking anything and he chases it and comes back to me holding it tantalizingly close to my hands, but just without reach. I have to trick him into letting it go so I can toss it away again.

He never tires of this game and has finally figured out that he has to drop the ball if he wants to get my attention so I will pick it up and throw it. He barks at me to alert me to it. Sometimes the ball disappears underneath the sofa and I have to use the African walking stick to get it out from underneath.

It's been raining nonstop all day. It hasn't let up once. Sometimes it rains a little more and sometimes a little less, but it always rains. It's supposed to rain all night until tomorrow morning and then some. We may get a break later in the day. It's very cozy inside, but I have been unable to walk Tyke. He has been out back for little periods of time and I hope it's been enough to take the pressure off, but he's not begging to go outside. He's been watching the rain steadily fall from the heavens and he doesn't like to get wet.

Besides playing with Tyke, I've been watching sports on television. I've had my share of sports now as I've watched them all afternoon and evening. I even watched football and I watched games I didn't care about. I also watched the European Championships Swimming and that was mildly interesting as we did win some medals, but no gold. Just bronze and silver ones. There was also athletics on and that interested me more having been the mother of the Californian State Champion. I do like athletics having done it myself also when I was young and I'd like to come back as an athlete again in my next life. One without exercise induced asthma which I suffered from.

I also laid on the sofa and watched the rain fall down and felt lucky that I was inside. When it rains, though, I feel very sheltered inside and I don't feel at all depressed or anything. That's probably because I don't have to go out in it. That would change my attitude quite a bit, I'm sure. I would be awful to have to ride my bike in it and I don't have rain gear. My sister had to go to work and had to ride her bike through it and got soaked, but she was very cheerful about it. I would have been a grump most likely.

All the time that I'm typing this, I'm still playing with Tyke and the ball. He can't get enough of it, but I'm going to bed now. It's time to read my book and get comfortable under the duvet. I'm going to make myself a glass of warm milk to help me sleep.

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora