The proper mood...

I've been sitting here for a while trying to get in the right mood to write a post. I was feeling very grumpy and could not think of a nice thing to write. I knew I would have to change my attitude because I didn't want this to tunr into one great lament. I had to do a bit of self analysis and drink a glass of ice cold milk. I think I've got the attitude problem sorted out and the milk has made me feel a lot better too.

Just as easily as I can get very optimistic, I can also get into a total funk. It is usually short lived but intense. There is usually a reason for it because it's about something that's bothering me a lot and something that I really need to rant about. Since I don't have that possibility, I have to work it out on my own. I have a mini storm rage inside of me but at a certain point it boils down to a mild simmer and then I don't feel so bad anymore. 

After wrestling with this particular issue, I'm left feeling very tired and I really want to go back to bed and sleep. I will postpone that a little while and finish this post.I don't have an appointment until 1:30 pm and I have enough time to sleep. This appoinment is to practice relaxation and breathing techniques and it's something completely new for me.

Well, that's not true. I do know relaxation techniques and do apply them but not on a regular enough basis. I do know how to get back in the moment very well but there are crucial times when I forget. It has to become second nature. 

I will be a perfect human being yet.

I need to go back to bed. I'm so tired. 

Have a good night you all.

Ciao,
Irene

Rain again...

Every evening it rains but luckily it does so after I have taken the dog for a walk. Well no, it was raining a bit when I took him this evening but we didn't get wet too badly. All it took was a bt of a rub with a towel to get us dry again. The dog does enjoy that. He comes running when he sees the towel and very willingly stands and gets rubbed dry all over. It's much easier now that his fur is cut so short. 

It's raining harder now and I think we got back inside just on time. It doesn't really rain during the day and I suppose the rain in the evening is good for nature and the farmers. I haven't heard anything about it on the news. There's usually some news about the water level in the rivers also but I haven't heard anything about that either. Maybe the snow in the Alps hasn't melted yet. 

I have had a quiet day in which I have done nothing but contemplate my navel a lot and it has been most peaceful. I was not bored for one minute but enjoyed sitting in my armchair and letting the time slowly go by without feeling that I had to fill it with activity. It was enough just to sit and exist and be aware of that. 

I also took a nap and got up late in the morning. I still enjoy sleeping. It's one of my favorite hobbies. I fall asleep within a minute after putting my head down on the pillow and don't remember a thing after that. I usually wake up quite refreshed unless I'm grumpy like I was yesterday. But that was the exception to the rule. 

The dog sleeps on the bed with me because there's linoleum in that bedroom and no carpeting. He doesn't sleep on the big pillow that's beside the bed. He never really did get used to it. The linoleum is too cold to sleep on, although he may appreciate in the summertime when it is hot. 

I can't imagine hot temperatures now but I am looking forward to them. This Saturday it's supposed to get up to 24C degrees and we won't know what hit us. That will be the warmest it has been since last year. 

I've got just a few cigarettes left and no tobacco. The empty package is in the trash bag. I will smoke these cigarettes and then put on a nicotine patch. I'm ready for the challenge. At least I know from experience what lies ahead of me. It's not the first time that I quit after all. 

Tomorrow morning I've got an appointment to get my hair cut. I'm looking forward to it very much. I'm purposely not going to wash my hair so it will have to be done there. That's part of the pleasure. I do want the full treatment. 

It's been more than six weeks since I've had it cut last and it's more than time. I do have to use an awful lot of hairspray to keep my hair in place now and it does make it sticky. It looks good when it's in place but a hurricane wouldn't blow it apart. 

I've got to eat before the news comes on. It's time to nourish the body. I just have to decide what sort of food I'm going to have. 

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

Many words are wasted...

I've got an extremely grumpy mood and I think it's because I just woke up from a nap. I must have gotten out on the wrong side of the bed or I haven't had enough coffee yet. The sun is shining outside so it's not the weather's fault. I must drink another cup of coffee and see if that will straighten me out. I can't stay grumpy because I am my own worst enemy this way. If I could kick myself in the rear end, I would do it. 

I don't usually wake up grumpy from naps. As a rule I am quite reasonable. I only need the coffee to get the cobwebs out of my mind, not to put me in a good mood. As a matter of fact, I'm a quite mild mannered person and not prone to grumpiness. That doesn't mean that I don't think a person is not allowed to be it once in a while. We can't all be saints. There is a time and a place for everything. A lesser mood does happen when you're a mere mortal. Besides, the Greek gods were famous for their moodiness.

I know I will get over it in no time at all and that this will not last. I'm not going to stay grumpy for the rest of the day. It's just a temporary hitch in the system. Just by writing about it I will start feeling better. And I can always talk myself out of everything, including temporary grumpiness. 

In the meantime, I'm having another cup of coffee and I'm already starting to feel better. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I just made another pack of cigarettes from my dwindling tobacco supply and I think by tomorrow I should be all out of it. Then it will be time for the nicotine patches. I'm lucky that I still have those and that I don't have to go out and spend the money on them because they are expensive enough. 

It's been a great day today in which nothing of importance happened whatsoever and that was fine with me. I watched the news updates a lot because politically there's a lot going on right now and I do want to stay informed. It looks like we're going to have elections on September the 12th and that gives all the parties time to prepare for them properly. Having elections on June the 27th was pushing it a little bit. Personally, I'm more than ready to go out and vote but there are always those floating voters who can't make up their minds. 

When the sun disappears, it immediately gets colder in here and I've had to turn on the heater. I have the feeling I should be eating hot soup or other hearty winter fare. I have at this moment a terrible craving for a stew or a chowder and I wish I was in the States so I could easily take care of it.  I guess I'm in the mood for some real American food but that is hard to get. I wouldn't mind going to a Denny's right now and having my pick of the menu. 

I think that's all I have to share. I've got to put my bathrobe on over my clothes so I'll be warm. I'm a great sufferer of the cold.

Have a good evening all of you.

Ciao,

Irene

An undetermined mood...

I'm actually still yawning from the long nap I took this afternoon and the cup of coffee I just had has not made much of an impact yet. I guess I didn't make it strong enough and the second cup will have to pack a punch. That's why my mood is still undetermined and I have no idea of how I'm put together yet. I think right now I'm mostly grumpy but I'll try to get over that as quickly as I can and you can all be witness to it. Watch a metamorphosis take place. 

I must be in one of those cycles that I need a lot of sleep because I have not gotten a shortage of it for the last 24 hours. It seems that I can't get enough of it. I even slept on the sofa for an hour while I was waiting for the domestic help to get here. When she did, I was so comatose that I could hardly talk to her. So much for my conversational skills that usually don't let me down. But right now I'd rather sleep than do almost anything else and that includes eating, although that doesn't say much. 

The sun has been shining a lot today but it hasn't actually been a warm day. I did have to wear my winter coat when I went out and I've had the heater on for most of the day. I do have to admit that I get cold quickly and I seem to be allergic to the cold. I was definitely meant to live in a warmer climate. But at least the sun was out and it did cheer things up. Of course, the world is a lot greener and that does make things look a lot more cheerful too.

I do appreciate the fact that I have to go out a couple of times a day to walk the dog because otherwise I would not be aware of how quickly nature is changing right now. It's thé opportunity for me to be out regularly and see how green the trees are becoming and how many dandelions there are growing in the grass. The lowly dandelion does have its place in nature too. 

There, I've become sensible and wide awake again and I never did have that second cup of coffee. I had two glasses of cold milk instead. I was very thirsty and slightly hungry too. That milk took care of that. 

I can now move on to the next chapter and that is to take my medicines and take the dog for a walk. 

I hope you're all having a good day.

Ciao,

Irene

In the morning, bright and sunny...

I am sitting here with my first cup of coffee and a cigarette and I'm more than ready to start the day. I am up bright and sunny, but I don't think the day is actually going to be. It is now cloudy and gray outside and it is supposed to stay that way. I'm not going to let that press my good mood and I'm totally going to ignore it. I will have a fine day no matter what the weather is going to be like. That's the kind of mood I'm in.

I was up earlier during the night but I never did get around to writing a post. I was too busy on Pinterest because I had redivided some boards and of course I had to add new pins to them. That kept me out of trouble for a while. I had a wonderful time pretending I could make all my wishes come true. It's like being a little girl and making your wish list for Santa Claus and sometimes these things come true. 

I've cut down even more on my tranquilizers and am now down to only one dose of 10 mg at night. These were strong ones and they worked great when I was highstrung but they made me very sleepy when I was not. That resulted in me always wanting to take naps during the day and I hope I won't feel that need now. I started taking them when I got so grumpy when I quit smoking the first time. 

It's always best to get off these kinds of medications as quickly as possible but it can take a while before you are able to. You have to choose the right moment and you have to have the wilpower to do it. You actually have to be stubborn enough and damn well make up your mind you're going to. Nobody else can make you do it. Don't rely on anyone else. 

I jusr stepped outside when the dog had to go out back and it is nice and chilly out there. There's a cold wind blowing and it felt good. All the trees and shrubs are green and it looks wonderful. It does give you hope for better weather, but this is okay with me too. I'll just have to dress a little warmer when I take the dog for a walk in a while. I'm looking forward to it. It will be nice to feel the cold air on my face. 

I don't have much else to report. I've finished my coffee and want to get dressed. I'm eager to get the day started. The Exfactor should be here this morning to finish putting the dresser together. It will be nice to see it all done. Then I can finish decorating the guest room. 

First I'm off to take the dog out for a walk in the cold morning air.

Ciao,

Irene

Gosh darned dog...

Yeah, he woke me up again out of a sound sleep. Who said a dog is a woman's best friend? I see no evidence of it tonight. Sure, he´s sound asleep now on the sofa, but he should have been half an hour ago when I was still sound asleep in my bed. I´m not amused. 

I´m having a cup of coffee so I can think clearly and make sense. I´m not having a cigarette, though at this moment I do wish for one. That´s how frustrated I am. I will get over it, though, without smoking because that will be the last thing I´ll do. The other night I dreamed I smoked a cigarette and when I woke up, I felt as bad as if I had had one. That will cure you of your desire for one. 

Tonight I laid down in bed and did breathing exercises. I breathed in and out as deeply as I could without getting dizzy. I did a fairly good job at that and much better than I have in the past, showing marked improvement. I do think my lung capacity is improving.

I´m greatly relieved that the weekend is over and don´t ever let me make the claim that I like the weekends. I will be highly misguided if I do. They are a horror to get through. Somehow I manage it because I must, but don´t ask me how. I took many naps and they saved my life. I would not be sane if I had not taken them.

I think I´m grumpy because I´ve quit smoking. There is no other explanation. I´m almost constantly in a bad mood. I don´t find much joy in anything.

I have to go back to bed and hope that the dog lets me sleep now. I hope he doesn´t get it in his head to wake me up again. I do so need my sleep. 

Thank god that tomorrow is Monday. It will be a normal day again and there will be people here. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

For no reason at all...

For no reason that I can think of I'm very happy right now. This comes after having been somewhat down in the dumps all day, although that gives the impression that I was depressed and I wasn't that. Let's just say that my grumpy mood from yesterday wasn't over yet. I'm like a bear disturbed in her winter sleep and all I want to do is hibernate until springtime. I think that is the proper description for me lately. 

But this minute I feel good. I actually feel like I'm in a proper enough mood to feel some optimism and to not look at the day as one long dreary stretch of time that needs to get through somehow in the best possible way. That sounds torturous, doesn't it? And it is. I'm not enjoying that at all. 

You should see me try to get through the day in my own convoluted way. I'm like a circus lion jumping through hoops and will do anything to make the day go by as quickly as possible. I'm hopelessly short of imagination, though, and I fail in making it as amusing as I can. I can only think of the most boring and the least painful ways to manage. But I do make it in the end anyway and that is the most important thing. 

I guess that's why I'm so relieved at the end of the day when I feel like I've completed another gargantuan task. No wonder that it makes me feel so happy. All I have to do is make it through the short evening and go to bed. The night is easy enough to get through. And really, once I have my pajamas and bathrobe on, I feel that anything is easier. It's the same as wearing lounge wear and being dismissed from the job. It's like being on vacation. 

Oh yes, I started on the lower dose nicotine patches today and don't notice one bit of difference. The packaging was the same but the patches are smaller. I wondered how they were going to deal with that. What an ingenious solution. I will be on this dose for a week and then I move on to step 3. I suppose those patches will be even smaller. That will be the last step and then I will be without and on my own. I'll be ready for it. 

I hope you'll all have a nice evening and that you won't be bored jumping through your own hoops. 

Ciao,

Nora

Singlehandedly lucid...

I've downed my first cup of coffee as quickly as I could and now I'm drinking the second one at a more normal rate. I wanted to inhale the first one quickly so as to become clearheaded as soon as I could. I was slightly discombobulated when I got up and not completely in charge of all my faculties. Yet compelled to stay up I was anyway after having gone to the toilet and having let the dog out back. 

The cold night air did help a bit and it was great to stand by the back door in my pajamas. I purposely stood with the door wide open so I would get extra chilled. It was all the more pleasant to put my bathrobe on afterwards. But it's the coffee that's really waking me up as usual. The caffeine cleared all the cobwebs from my mind. 

For a change I made the coffee somewhat strong again and I must say that I appreciate the punch it's carrying. It's like having someone rattle your brain in a very pleasant but assertive way. I had forgotten that about strong coffee. I'm almost instantly carried to a higher plane by the caffeine. It's elevating my thinking capacities and putting me in a good mood. 

Actually, my mood was good enough when I woke up. It's not that I got up on the wrong side of the bed. I very seldom do that anymore. Mostly I'm a mild mannered woman when I wake up. Only rarely do I feel grumpy and that's easily remedied. I'm not the volatile woman I used to be, full of emotions and always on a roller coaster. I seldom take that ride anymore and if I do get on it, I get off as quickly as I can. 

But a contented person is a boring person and that's probably why these posts are not so very interesting anymore. I very seldom have anything earth shattering to report. I don't run into huge problems and don't on a daily basis spill all the beans like I used to. I feel that I mostly write for my own sake to keep a daily record of what I do. It's like writing in a diary and every once in a while I can look back on the days that have passed. 

The weekend went by very quickly and I hardly know where the time went. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, but the hours sped by. I did the odd chore, walked the dog, took some naps and that was about it. I didn't even read like I had planned to. All I did was enjoy some 'Far Side' cartoons. I have a collection of them. I look at them every now and then and am always amused. They put an evil grin on my face. 

I'm glad it is Monday now and the week will be properly started. I'm ready for some action. The days of being lazy are over. But first I've got to go back to bed to get the rest of my sleep. The night's not nearly over yet, even though I'm already prepared to start the day. It's a little premature I think. 

I hope you're all sleeping tightly.

Ciao,

Nora

The blues are far away...

Up in the wild blue yonder, that's where they are and that's the only place I see them anymore nowadays. Good riddance, they were around long enough to get thoroughly sick and tired of. Every once in a while, I try to call them to the surface to see if they are still there, but they are truly gone and no longer stuck in my head to plague me. 

Now it's just a matter of keeping them out and to do that I have to be as contented as I can possibly get while still allowing for the occasional grumpy mood that I'm bound to have also. Being a human being doesn't mean you only get to be good natured all the time. There are those moments when you are anything but. Hopefully, we'll let those be as short and 'sweet' as they can be. 

Periods of malcontent don't have to last long to make an impact.  One hour of it every once in a while is more than enough. It's best to get them over and done with quickly while taking a stance at the same time. You may achieve a long dreamed of goal. You can fight for something you believe in. The malcontent will get your momentum going. I think that's the original purpose of it and not just for us to be grumpy.

In the meantime I'm sitting here in the middle of the night going about my usual business. I've opened a new package of coffee and made a delicious fresh pot with it. It does make a difference if it's a newly opened pack. The coffee tastes better, or so I imagine. I realize how lucky I am to not have to forgo this simple pleasure. It's the little things like this that make life easier. With all the cuts in the budget, I'm still able to afford coffee. It would be a sad day if I were not.

I've tentatively started reading again. I've picked up where I left off with 'We Were The Mulvaneys.'  Yesterday morning, when I was planning on going back to bed, I sat in my armchair instead and read for two hours while drinking green tea with lemon. I have mixed feelings about this book. I want to like the characters, but I don't know if I'm in sympathy with them. There's some element of passion missing. I hope I start to care more as I get deeper into the story.

I promised myself that I would finish this book because I've left too many unread. I have to finish at least this one before I move onto the next one. I don't think that's too much to ask of myself, even if I do feel a slight discomfort with it. At least I'm trying to overcome that. After I have finished writing this post, I will sit down and read some more. It's pleasant to read in the early morning hours in all peace and quiet. I'm able to concentrate well. 

I'm done drinking coffee and will have my glass of cold milk now so my stomach will have something to do. It always does protest loudly after the first few sips. I don't know why it does that unless it's from the cold. I burp something awful. 

Have a lovely day all of you and I hope your weather will be as nice as ours will be. 

Ciao,

Nora

If and only if...

I'm sitting here with my second cup of coffee, desperately trying to get into a good mood. I know I can do it because I'm stubborn enough for it. I will not be held back by a grumpy mood, especially not when I'm the one who most suffers from it. There's no one here to share the effects of it with me, much as I'd like a comforting arm around my shoulders. Or someone to help me analyze the cause of my mood. I have to do that all on my own and it does get tiresome. 

I took a nap this afternoon and I woke up in a good enough mood. I felt kindhearted when I just got up and I turned on the computer without giving it much thought. I made a pot of coffee and answered some emails. Within the shortest amount of time I was as grumpy as I can be and I didn't feel like being kind anymore at all. I've noticed that sitting behind the computer very often has that effect on me, yet I do it automatically anyway. You'd think I'd know enough to stay away from it. 

I think that maybe sitting behind the computer isn't nearly the complete therapeutic activity that we think it is. As a matter of fact, maybe it is highly frustrating to be constantly confronted with it and your social contacts. It makes you feel like you always have to be good and kind and on your best behavior when in fact you sometimes just aren't and don't want to be. It's as though you really don't have any private time behind your own computer, as though there's always social pressure there too. 

When you add the social pressure of sitting behind the computer to the social pressure you feel in real life, it gets to be too much. There's no escape anymore. There's no safe place to go to. 

That's my immediate analysis. It's the one that is the most obvious. I'm curious the find out who else feels stress behind the computer. Maybe we should allow people more of an opportunity to be grumpy in private and not always expect them to be kind and polite. 

Have a nice day, or not. It's up to you. 

Ciao,

Nora