Not normal...

It's okay if I don't feel normal right now because it's perfectly understandable under the circumstances. It's because I have no nicotine entering my brain. That's why I feel so flaked out most of the time. I just read it on the website that helps you quit smoking.

I thought it was about time that I went there. I had read the booklet a few times, but I hadn't been to the website yet and it turned out to be a cornucopia of information. Did you know that by now all the nicotine is already out of my body? It is two days after you stop smoking. And after you stop using the patches, of course. It's been four days since I did.

This is my brain on no nicotine. This is where I got in trouble the last time, so I have to watch it, but I think I already was hypo-manic on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I got that behind me. These past days I've been sleepy and flaky. The thing I do best is take the dog for walks. It's the least complicated thing I can do. If I didn't know better I'd think I was mentally challenged.

It also said that my taste and smelling abilities should be vastly improved, but I haven't noticed that so much, although they probably already had since January the 24th when I officially quit. I had expected more of it. I guess I was expecting to be overwhelmed by smells that would transport me back to the past and that hasn't happened a lot. I can't say that things taste all that wonderful either. It's not like there's an angel peeing on my tongue.

Maybe these abilitites will return later or not at all. Maybe they're permanently impaired.

All the carbom monoxide is gone from my body too. I'm thrilled about that. That was plain poison, of course. It's been replaced by pure oxygen. Or as clean as it is in the air around here with all the traffic. I should live in the country where the air is cleaner. Ha, I wish.

I'm constantly running out of things to blog about. I don't know what else to add. I think maybe I had better go to bed.

Ciao,
Irene

The starry sky...

I stood outside by the back door in the cold night air and looked at the starry sky and it made me wish I was in the countryside where I would have been able to see many more stars. That made me wish I was camping in the desert by a campfire, drinking a cup of hot coffee and looking up at that sky. I would have worn very warm clothes and had a very warm sleeping bag for the cold desert night. 

Isn't it nice to have a fantasy like that? I can pretend it really happened having spent time in the deserts in New Mexico and California and having seen the night skies there. Thank goodness that I do have those experiences to fall back on. All I have to do is retrieve some of my memories and I'm there. They are the film fragments in my mind. They are stored there for the rest of my life. Even if I get demented I will remember them.

I hope to never get demented and lose my memories, although if I could selectively eliminate a few, I would gladly do that. There are some memories I have that seem to have no other function than to cause me heartache and I can do without them completely. I wish I could pick those out of my memory bank and delete them. Those are the ones that rear their ugly heads when I get depressed and when I have the least use for them. But I mustn't think about that now. I'm feeling good and it is time to only think of the better memories. 

Because of the open windows, there's a draft in the apartment and I think it's rather pleasant. I feel the cool air moving around me ever so gently. I think it's very refreshing because, as usual, I like to feel just a little bit on the cool side in the middle of the night, as long as I'm wearing my warm bathrobe. My hands and feet are cold, but my nose is warm and I'm still drinking hot coffee. Outside there's a cold wind blowing. Because of the wind chill factor, it feels like it's 37F out there. Brrr...

I didn't get around to reading yesterday morning, so I haven't picked out a new book yet. I will have to do that today. I went back to bed and slept late because it was going to be an empty day pretty much. I managed to amuse myself doing nothing important at all and that's a real art too. It takes a certain amount of finesse. I've got to put some thought into choosing a book lest I get stuck with another boring one. I will not regain my love for reading in that case. I do leave bookmarks in the books that I leave unfinished in case I get in the mood for reading them again. 

I've got to decide what I'm going to do now. I'm either going back to bed or staying up to read. I do need the sleep, but I'm not quite ready for it yet. If I had cows to milk, I would go milk them now. And chickens to feed. I'll go look on the bookcase for an interesting book. Maybe it will jump out at me and grab me. 

Have a nice Friday all of you. 

Ciao,

Nora

On a sunny day...

I just walked Tyke in the sunshine and it was a true pleasure. I had not expected to enjoy it so much. I thought I didn't like the bright sun in a clear blue sky, but today I was mistaken. I went out there with some apprehension, but I immediately felt good and made the walk longer than I had planned. I think Tyke enjoyed it too. 

I was going to pay attention to the flowers that were in peoples' front gardens, but I forgot to do that. I was so busy paying attention to what Tyke was doing. He was scampering around at the end of the leash, trying to get into every bush and behind every tree we ran into. He was like a toddler set loose in the playground. I wanted to see which bulbs were blooming and now I still don't have the vaguest idea. I will have to try and pay attention at the next walk.

I thought it was going to be cold outside, but it was actually very pleasant. It did freeze last night, but it has warmed up since then. It really does feel like a spring day out there and it should. It is March. I know some of you still have snow, but I think that we can expect some better weather now. We do live in a temperate climate, after all.

I picked out a brand new outfit to wear and all my clothes smell of washing powder and perfume. It's a pleasure to wear them. I had thought about what I was going to wear earlier and when I got ready to get dressed, all I had to do was reach into my closet and get the clothes off their hangers. It's a cheerful outfit that matches the day and my mood. 

It will also get me motivated to do the chores I have to do. There aren't that many, but enough to keep me from reading my book for a while. I'm not too house proud and can easily let things go for a while, but my sense of duty does get the better of me in the end. I can be lazy for a day, but that's my limit. I do feel compelled to set things right after that. And if I look good, the apartment has to look good too. 

I'm not going to take a nap this afternoon. I really feel that it would be a waste of time. If I do get sleepy, I'm going to take Tyke for an extra walk. I may as well enjoy the nice weather. I only regret that I don't live closer to the countryside. A good walk through the woods and meadows would be nice right now. It's too bad that I'm a town dweller. Pavement and asphalt are not good alternatives to a country lane. 

I'm going to get the show on the road. I must do my chores before I can plan the rest of the afternoon. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

Life with Tyke...

Jesker had taken Tyke's rawhide bone away from him. He's wasn't doing anything with it. He was just keeping it very close to him so Tyke couldn't get it and every time he tried, Jesker growled at him, until Jesker fell asleep and Tyke managed to snatch the bone away and continued to have a wonderful time chewing on it for the rest of the evening and this morning. It seems that Jesker admitted his defeat, because he never did try to get that bone away from Tyke again. Jesker does take everything away from Tyke though. So I have to make sure I have two of everything. It's a good thing I'm going grocery shopping with my sister this morning, so I can stack up on some dog chews and make it as fair as I can for both the dogs.

Bedtime was interesting. Jesker laid down on his pillow and Tyke jumped on the bed with me, but he found it necessary for the first hour to come and lick my face every 5 minutes. He finally did settle down and I did get about four hours of sleep, which is my usual amount. The first thing I did was let the dogs out back for a piddle and then made a big deal out of it when they both went. I let Tyke out more often and praise him lavishly when he does a piddle and he is so happy when I do. Positive reinforcement!

Jesker is getting a new lease on life, because he gets to be assertive and the top dog. I think he enjoys that role. Of course, I help him be it, because he does deserve a little bit of respect. He doesn't like it when Tyke starts roughhousing with him, so I prevent that and Tyke listens well. He aims to please.

This little bundle of life is just what I needed to happen in my life. It gives me something to keep me busy and focused on and amused. I'm constantly having to deal with a dog that is really almost still a puppy and needs a lot of attention. Besides that, I also have to pay attention to Jesker, so it keeps me on my toes. It makes me livelier and more alert and less self centered. I can't have kids to bestow my love and attention on, but I can have dogs and I always do better when I have someone or something to take care of. I still have a lot of maternal feelings.

In the meantime, I'm sitting here very cozily with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes and the dogs at my feet. Gandhi is sitting on the dining table keeping an eye on things. I don't know where Toby is, but I'm sure he's not far away.

It's 5C outside and cloudy, but we are expecting no rain. All the snow and icy patches have been washed away and yesterday it was actually a nice day with some sunshine at times. I went outside in just my winter coat without my scarf or gloves and I wasn't cold. It was so nice to go for a drive in Yvonne's car through the countryside, even though everything is still very wintry looking. It's just nice to see some different scenery. Of course, we momentarily got lost driving to the kennel, but then miraculously found our way there anyway, thanks to Yvonne's great driving skills. No thanks to my reading of the directions.

Tyke was supposed to be housebroken, but he gets it wrong sometimes. Luckily, he gets it wrong on the linoleum, making for an easy clean up. I have to keep a better eye on him. An eagle's eye.

I hope you all have a nice day. I'm counting on one myself. I'm bound to with these two dogs.

Ciao.

P.S. I'll take photos of Tyke today and hope there is a good one to publish later on.