In between...

I'm burping from the cups of coffee I've had so far and I may as well start burping from the cold milk that I'm about to have. If I'm going to burp, I may as well do it for the right reason. I'm very thirsty and want to drink a whole liter of it, but I don't have that much milk left. Thank goodness that the Exfactor is going to be here this morning to do the groceries. He will be welcomed with open arms and a shopping list. Well, first I'll give him a cup of coffee for courage and strength. 

The cat and the dog need to have their flea drops applied today. It's been a month since I applied them first. The Exfactor can help me with the cat, although she was very docile when we did it before. The flea drops helped very well the last time I used them and the animals have been free of fleas ever since. I do want to keep it that way. I got the flea drops from the vet and they were cheaper than what I would have paid at the pet shop. Maybe a tip for other pet owners.

I've got to think about what I'm going to wear today. I want to look good, but be warm enough at the same time. I do want to wear a double layer of clothes. I get cold so easily that it's necessary. It's not like when I was in the menopause and I was always overheated. I also have to redo my nails and I'm sorry to say that I split two of them despite the calcium tablets I take. I guess nothing works perfectly no matter how much you'd like it to. 

At least my hair is in good enough shape. It too has gotten drier like my skin and I don't have to wash it nearly as often. This does save me a little bit of work. I need to have the back of it trimmed and will have to make an appointment. It will take all of five minues to get it done. Hardly worth making an appointment for.

I'll go back to bed now. A sensible person gets her sleep. 

Ciao,

Nora

At the danger of writing another dull post...

I'm a person who does learn her lessons the hard way and after writing a very dull post yesterday, I put myself in danger of writing another by trying to improve on it tonight. There are, of course, no guarantees and it is possible that I will hopelessly fail in my mission. That will be a double whammy then and I will never live it down. But I've got to take the chance because I can't live with the thought of failure. 

I'm working on my second cup of coffee and it is giving me, you could say, Dutch courage, although there is no alcohol in it. I'm not so foolish as to try that because, although it would loosen me up tremendously, it would also make me drunk and I certainly don't feel like being it. By all rights I should have a couple of beers, but I don't happen to have any and that's probably for the best. I don't like the after effects. 

I woke up with my T-shirt drenched in sweat and stood outside by the back door on the patio in order to cool off. The cold night air quickly did that while the dog went about his business. I could have stayed out there a while longer and really have gotten chilled to the point that I would have needed my bathrobe, but I'm still sitting here without it now. I'm radiating warmth and it's not cold in the apartment either. I must be having post menopausal hot flashes. 

The best thing to do now is have a glass of ice cold milk because it will not only freeze my frontal lobes, but also cool down my body. It's guaranteed to work. The coffee has straightened out my mind sufficiently and I can think clearly. It's nice to mess with my head and muddle it up with the coldness of the milk. It never ceases to effect me and give me a different experience. 

I wore two different outfits yesterday because I was not satisfied with what I was wearing initially. I delved into my closet and found something completely different, although I don't know why I bother because hardly anyone sees me. I must be practicing for a very active social life. The second outfit was put together of old and new elements and pleased me very much. I could have gone out on a date if I had wanted to, but I looked good enough to make myself happy. 

I'm waiting for my hair to grow back in so I can go to the hairdresser. I think I cut my bangs a little bit too short. I will have to wait a couple of weeks for them to catch up with the rest of my hair. It's very easy hair that I've got now and I hardly have to do anything to it when I get up. Isn't that what every woman wants? I just look a little bit too much like a hedgehog and I didn't want to look quite that cute. I do want to be taken seriously. I am, after all, a grown woman.

I can't go on the bathroom scale and trust the result it gives me. It is much too high and then tells me that it's an error, which I totally agree with. I think the battery is low and will have to be replaced. It's one of those complicated scales that wants to tell you everything including your date of birth when all I want to know is my weight. 

I don't know that right now, so I can only go by how my clothes fit me to know how well I'm doing. My skinniest jeans are a little big. I wash them regularly to shrink them, but as I wear them, they slide down my hips again. I do have hope, but I don't want all my clothes to get too big on me because I like them well enough and I don't have the money to replace them. I must make do with what I have. Does that seem like an odd sort of reasoning? 

I'm sufficiently cooled off now and have put on my bathrobe. I stood out by the back door again because the dog imagined that he had to go out again. I don't think he actually did anything there. I'm having another glass of cold milk because the first one tasted so good. The night can last a long time for all I care. It's very cozy here by the light of the desk lamp.

I will have to go to bed shortly because I do need more sleep, but I can sleep late in the morning. It's Saturday, after all. It's not going to be a warm day and I may not have the proper outfit for the cold, but I'll be tough and withstand it anyway. I do have to be a tough Northern European. At least I'm not in Scandinavia where it's snowing. 

I don't now if I've achieved my goal and managed not to write a dull post, but there you have it. It is a long one anyway. I've thoroughly enjoyed writing it. There has to be some satisfaction in that also. 

Ciao,

Nora

A tale before bedtime...

I'm sitting here freezing my buns off because I'm drinking ice cold milk and hadn't been smart enough to put my bathrobe on first. It does make a difference if you do and I'm now waiting to start warming up again. 

It isn't really that cold in here, despite the fact that the bedroom windows are open still and that it's an autumn night outside. It was just my body suddenly cooling down after I had sat here quite comfortably in my pajamas for a while drinking coffee. 

I've slept a few hours and woke up with a perspiring head and wet hair. That's a side effect of the medication increase, I know now. I used to think that it was because I was in the menopause, but I think I've got that well behind me.  At my age I should be. I'm not having hot flashes during the day. 

This is the second night that I only took one tranquilizer and if anything, I feel even more normal now. I most definitely don't feel under the influence of anything, although doubtlessly I still am. But what I take now is so little compared to what I used to take that it's bound to make a major difference.

After I had been up in the middle of the night the night before last, I only slept for a while longer and got up fairly early in the morning. I didn't take my usual nap all day and also didn't feel the need to drink a lot of coffee. I was pretty alert all on my own and in a good mood. 

I started fading after dinner yesterday and went to bed early. I had clean sheets on the bed and that was a sheer pleasure. I put my head down on the pillows and pulled the duvet up to my shoulders and was asleep pretty quickly after that.

Now I'm yawning and tired, which I wasn't the night before last. I think I will go to bed shortly and have myself some proper sleep.

I wore my cowboy boots yesterday with my skinny jeans and felt like a regular tough broad. I liked walking the dog and stomping around in them. It made me feel as if I was making a statement. Especially since I was wearing my leather jacket also. Accessories make the woman. 

Have a good day when you wake up. 

Ciao,

Nora

Through the night...

It is now in the middle of the night and it is 23F degrees outside and the sky is clear. No wonder the heater was coming on. I have the thermostat set low, but the radiators felt warm when I got up. The Heater comes on every once in a while. It's not on continuously. Apparently the apartment is well enough insulated to keep out the worst of the cold.

I went to bed very early last night, because I was completely bored with what was on TV, which is never interesting on Saturday nights, and I wasn't in the mood for blogging either. I laid in bed and listened to the football game on the radio until I dozed off.A football game is also boring enough to drift away by. Who can keep track of all the different players when there are no pictures to look at?

I woke up in a sweat and had to go to the toilet in a hurry and then Tyke had to go out back. I stood by the back door in the cold night air and completely cooled off, which was nice. When you're having a hot flash there's nothing better than the freezing cold on your body. It would have been different if a strong northern wind had been blowing. I might not have enjoyed it as much then.

Since it's the weekend, I decided to stay up and enjoy the silence of the night and catch up on my sleep in the morning. I started a pot of coffee and turned on the computer and answered emails. I can usually do that before I've had my coffee, though I function better mentally after I've had a cup. I probably would write better emails if I waited, but I'm impatient to get them done.

It's going to be cold like this for a while and on Wednesday and the next few days we are expecting snow. So it is predicted. If it will actually come about is another matter all together, because we are promised all sorts of weather that never really happens. Sunshine that doesn't appear and rain that doesn't fall. Weather forecasters do their best, but it still isn't an exact science and they can only make broad predictions and not really pinpoint them all that locally. At least for our area they don't seem to be able to do it. We will see.

I have to make a list of things that I have to take care of. I don't think it's actually going to be that long, but they are things that keep escaping my attention and that I think of when I can't do anything about them. They keep nagging me at the back of my mind and then I start to worry about them at the most inappropriate times. It will be better to get each item down on paper and check it off as I get it done. That seems to be the most sensible thing to do. I'm not a great maker of lists, but I do see the sense of them now. It's a great way to organize your mind and to actually accomplish things. That's one resolution I have to keep. I'm starting mine before it's actually New year's. 

All you other single people out there are my great example. You are all managing your lives and taking care of the details  and problems of it with whatever degree of success, and although I don't know how difficult this is for you, you do seem to pull it off. I never hear any big complains and stories of woe. You all seem to cope and do well. I must remember that I'm not the only middle aged woman on her own who has to figure out her own stuff. Sometimes I get a lot overwhelmed and I don't want to cope at all, but be like an ostrich and put my head in the sand. I wonder if you have the same problem too and how do you overcome that? Do you ever get intimidated by life? 

It's early in the morning now and I'll move on to other things. This has been a nice way way to spend the night. I've taken my time writing this, but I did have to take a tranquilizer and wait for it to work halfway through. I had too much free floating anxiety and worries. 

Have a good morning and enjoy your Sunday. 

Ciao,

Nora

Wanting a cupcake...

I'm in dire need of something good to eat and all I can think of is a cupcake with chocolate chips. The thought of it is making my mouth water and of course I have no such thing in the cupboards. Hopefully it is a temporary craving for something sweet that I will get over after I drink a glass of fruit juice. Another thing I could really eat now is a chocolate candy bar. I must really be craving sweets and I think it may be a hormonal thing.

I woke up in a sweat and my bottom sheet was wet. I think I'm having hot flashes during the night because this happens regularly. I thought I was too old for them, but I can't explain it any other way. Every once in a while I have what I think is a hot flash during the day and it feels like I'm blushing all over. I don't seem to have any of the emotional issues that come with it, so that's a relief. I just every once in a while get these cravings for sweets, which I sometimes give into. The other day I bought two candy bars when I was the drugstore and ate them all at once, but I did watch what I ate the rest of the day. I don't need to put on any kilos.

I had gained a few kilos when two of my medications were increased, but I have lost them again and now have to lose 4 kilos. So that's my immediate goal. I'm not going to starve myself for them, though, and will keep eating the way I am now, which is sufficient to make me feel not hungry and which gives me enough nutritions. The medication is always an added complication because it makes you gain extra weight quickly, even when you don't eat that much. It seems to store all the food you eat into fat and it's very frustrating. A lot of care needs to be taken when eating.

It's best not to be too vain and to accept your slightly pudgy body and not worry about it too much because you know you will never reach perfection. You just need to dress the best way possible and stay in as good enough shape as you can. I do get tired of size zero models advertising weight loss creams and other so called solutions with their perfect hipbones and their flat stomachs. It gives such an unrealistic view of what most women look like. I very much want us to accept who we are, imperfections and all, so that we don't get inferiority complexes. I don't want to be slave to some big company's idea of what a woman should look like when it is so clearly not within reach of most of us. I boycott the whole idea and the push to it. Bigger normal sized women don't even come into the picture, except for in that one body lotion commercial and that was an exception.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now and return to down to the ground. It's in the middle of the night and because I went to bed so early, I woke up early in the middle of the night too. I finished reading "Devil Bones"and am now reading "The Lake of Dead Languages," which is a literary thriller. I just started it and didn't get into it too far yet, so I'm withholding judgment. It's a different kind of thriller than the usual kind. It's one of the novels that I already had on my bookcase and that I need to start reading if I'm ever to get through all the ones that are waiting for me there. "Devil Bones" was a good read because the author is a forensic anthropologist in real life too, so she knows her business. It makes the reading very realistic. She's written many other thrillers and no doubt I will be reading them too. But first I have to read the novels on my bookcase before I order any new books. That's my ambition anyway. I don't know if I can fulfill that pledge because I will probably be tempted to order other books I'm interested in, but I can save myself some money if I don't.

It didn't rain yesterday evening, even though it was predicted, and I was kind of sad about that because I would have liked nothing better than to have been in bed with the windows open while it rained so I would have been able to hear the sound of it. There are a lot of clouds now and it is only 12C. The apartment isn't cooling off enough, though, and I'm sitting here in my tank top and my underwear with bare arms and bare legs. You would think I was in the tropics. I am cooling off a bit and it will be nice to get under the duvet in a while.

I have the domestic help coming this afternoon, but the apartment is clean enough and I really don't have to do much before she gets here. The laundry is drying on the rack and the dishes have been put away. I'm very organized for a change. That's because I got my act together this weekend. I didn't dawdle and got on with things.

I'll have to choose my clothes for today. I washed everything that was in the laundry, so I have lots of things to choose from. It's just a question of finding the right combination. It's going to be a little warmer for the next few days, not much, but enough to wear summer clothes. I don't have a shortage of them, though.

Have a nice day. I hope you get the weather you want.

Ciao,
Nora

Tuesday morning.

It's really sad when you can't think of a better title for your blog post than that one, but that's all I can come up with for right now. I've just made my second cup of coffee and I'm hoping it will stimulate my brain into better action. I've been up for more than two hours, so I do expect some productivity, but the going is slow, although I have had 6.5 hours of sleep and that should be enough.

I managed to add another hour after I let Tyke out back to do his business, and Tyke did look quite bewildered when I got back into bed. He thought it was time to play and eat and do other interesting things, like kill his monkey that he already pulled one eye off. I'm always going to buy him stuffed animals and sturdy ones that were made for little kids and that are hard to pull apart. We were just playing with it and I was pretending it was my monkey and he became quite possessive of it and started to growl while his tail was wagging, because he thought it was wonderful that we were having a tug of war. He's lying on top of it now, so I won't be able to get to it. I'll leave him in that illusion. He does need to think that he can win from me sometimes, especially when it is about his toys and not about sponges stolen from a bucket.

Well, the second cup of coffee has sufficiently woken me up and I can function now, or maybe it was playing with Tyke that did it. I've taken another menopausal tablet, but it's too early to say anything sensible about it. I'll let you know in a week how it is working. I have them lying on the dining table, so I won't forget to take them. I don't want to take them with my other medicines, in case they interfere, but they are all natural ingredients, so it should be okay. I don't know, you always make these assumptions about things and you easily can be wrong, like I was about the vitamins and minerals capsules.

I've just realized that I haven't bought any French cheeses for a while and that I should really do that again. I like the Brie and the Camembert and I should buy a small supply of them. They keep well in the refrigerator and I can eat a little bit at the time. It doesn't take much to fill me after all. They are a good food source and speaking of that, I keep forgetting about the eggs that I've bought and need to eat. I need to put them in a different place in the refrigerator so I won't overlook them. Anything on the top shelf gets forgotten. I better start making a habit out of eating a scrambled egg on a regular basis. I will make one as soon as I've finished this.

I'm waiting for the Exfactor to get here so he can solve the mystery of the computer speakers. I hope he has the answer for them, because I really want to listen to music. After a silent winter, I am ready for some pleasant noise and my choice has fallen on Jazz. That's what I'm in the mood for and I've made a playlist with "Porgy and Bess" on it as interpreted by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. I've also got Sarah Vaughn and I can't wait to hear her sing "Summertime." I've got Ellington and Monk and Howlin' Wolf, although I don't know if he is strictly Jazz, I think he is more of the Blues. If anybody has any suggestions, then please let me know. I've put Nat King Cole under popular music, I don't know if by rights his music is Jazz. Any opinions on that?

Well, I've got to see a man about a horse as they say, but to me that could mean anything. I think it's a handy expression, although I think it's commonly used only by men. There must be a reason for that. Somebody will have to explain it to me.

Have a good day you all!

Ciao,
Nora

A super Monday...

My domestic help just left and she did a super job cleaning the bathroom and the doors and the wood work and mopping the floors. She asked me what I wanted her to do and I gave her several options and she went straight to work. It was a completely different experience from last time when I didn't feel that I was in charge at all. So, I really want this girl to come back.

You all thought I was doing chores out of my own free will before she came over to make the apartment look good, but that is not the case. I had a list of things that I was supposed to take care of and I had not done a thing all week, so I thought I had better get busy on it. I should have been dusting and sweeping all week, but I didn't see the sense in that and it seemed like a waste of time. Before the domestic help came over I was supposed to dust and vacuum and mop the floors, and clean the toilet and wash basin.

Well, I dusted the livingroom and vacuumed my bedroom and the area rug, but Tyke gets very hyper and barks non stop when you vacuum and that's not pleasant for the neighbors. So I swept the rest of the apartment, but I refused to mop the floors. I sort of cleaned the toilet and the wash basin was okay. I was going to clean the door that the Exfactor got out of the shed, but never got around to it, and the girl ended up doing it for me today, which I thought was very nice of her.

I did figure that I did enough of my share of the work and busied myself with other things while she was here. So called administrative work and phone calls. I made it look all very important, and some of it really was, because I have decided to start the therapy classes at the location downtown and have to have an intake for that and I called to make an appointment for it. My contact person there was very happy to hear it and I feel full of p**s and vinegar and courage, and I've only had two cups of coffee so far.

I slept 11 hours last night, I went to sleep at 8 pm, because I was completely beat and sat here as a sad little sparrow behind the computer, and I woke up at 7 o'clock this morning. I thought that was enough sleep and got up, though maybe I could have slept more. Tyke decided it was time to get up and I did have to take my medicines. I only sat here slightly comatose, not as bad as it has been at other times, and I was functioning pretty quickly. At least within a half an hour. I allow myself to be completely confused for the first 30 minutes. I try to function, but I know it's useless. After a long sleep, my brain needs more time for reconstruction. I guess it takes the neurons a little while longer to find the pathways.

My sister did some groceries for me while the help was here. We couldn't go together, because she had other obligations later this afternoon. She picks up groceries for me and doesn't want to get paid for them, so I keep them to the bare minimum and only ask for a few things. I'm still trying to find out what her bank account number is, so I can transfer some money to it, but she won't tell me.

She's so generous and I have Nutella again, but I have to tell you, over all I feel better if I don't eat, or eat very little. Food does not make me happy. I only eat a little because I get hungry, but that's it. A few bites and that's enough. I don't indulge and I have no desire to. It's almost as if food is a mind altering substance and I like how I feel without it.

While the domestic help was here, Tyke was stealing the sponges out of her bucket and tearing them to pieces under the dining table. We only caught on to what he was doing when he walked into the living room with the third dripping wet sponge in his mouth. I was on the phone and had not noticed it, but I looked under the table and there were a hundred pieces of sponge lying there, and Tyke had that innocent "Who me?" look on his face. He was very disgusted that we had caught on to him and tried it a few more times, until I managed to distract him with a rawhide stick. He sure does like the domestic help, though, and follows them wherever they go and tries to steal their supplies, because he tries to get their cleaning rags too, but he finds everything they do interesting.

The windows haven't been cleaned yet and the sun is shining brightly through them. Oh, what a wonderful sight. It makes me almost want to do them myself, except that I am notoriously bad at cleaning windows. I could do the ones in the back, though, because the sun never shines on them and nobody would see if they were done well or not. The problem is that I would also have to do the woodwork and I'm less enthused about that. That's such finicky work. I will have to give this some thought and see if I can come to my senses.

Oh, it's completely later in the evening now and I got completely side tracked, because I wanted some music, but I had to get my speakers to work and they didn't, no matter what I tried, so I switched speakers, but I couldn't get them to work either, but never mind, I decided to go to Deezer anyway and start a new playlist for Jazz and got completely wrapped up in that, so I forgot all about the time and my surroundings. I was like a little fanatic woman going after as many jazz performers as I could think off and I will have the Exfactor look at the speakers tomorrow and see if he can make any sense of them. I realy have no idea what I am doing wrong, unless there is a cable missing that I am also supposed to plug in, though I have no idea where that cable would go. I am stumped and in need of expertise.

I'm sitting here quite cozily by the light of the desk lamp without a cup of coffee, so that brings my total to 3 today. Not bad, eh? From all the excitement of hanging out at Deezer and looking up artists, I have become so worked up that I am not in the least tired now and I need to find a way to slow down. I do want to have another good sleep like I had last night, but I guess you can't always expect repeat performances. I'm not nearly ready to go to bed, but I will put on my pajamas and pretend I'm very sleepy. Oh, I forgot, I have to walk Tyke still. I better do that before I put my pajamas on. I would look kind of strange if I went out there in my bathrobe.

I'm in a very good mood and feel invinceable, without a spell check it is hard to figure out if I wrote that right, but I'll assume that you know what I mean. I feel like doing great deeds and that I ought to do them now and not waste any time and now the act of sleeping seems like a waste of time. I have to go see my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon and I can't lie about the amount of sleep I had, so I better make sure I get to bed at one point. I have to be so darn honest all the time. I can't tell any white lies for the sake of my own bestwill as I see fit. I feel like today the medicine really kicked in and started too work and tomorrow it will be two weeks since I started on it. No, actually, I took my first pill on a Monday evening, I think. Yes, I'm sure of it. Without psychiatric approval.

I have lost 4.5 kg. I wasn't going to get on the scale all the time, but now I find myself curious regularly and I do. I try not to make a daily habit of it and when I forget and have had a cup of coffee, I don't weigh myself. I have to do it first thing when I get up out of bed or not at all. Luckily, very often I forget. Otherwise it would become an obsession and I don't want it to be, because I eat what I eat and that has nothing to do with how much I weigh. I'm not going to count glasses of milk.

I just got natural capsules for the menopause in the mail that I had ordered on line and I just took the first one and I'm very curious to see if they will help me. They are recommended for women between 43 and 63 years of age. The big question is if they will interfere with my medications, that is always the risk I take. I will find out soon enough. I want to try them because I want to find out if they will help me with my night sweats and having to go to the bathroon every night. It says it will help that. Well, we'll see. Maybe these will be good and they will actually do their job, they are from a reputable firm, so I expect results. If I start to act funny, you know it will be why.

It's getting late now and I really do need to go walk my poor dog. I have given him a stuffed monekey to play with and it is a great success, except that now I keep thinkin, "What is that dead animals lying on the floor?"

I could go on talking at you guys forever, but I'll call a halt to it and spare you your patience. I have so much to say and nobody to say it to. Darn it!

Have a good night, you people!

Ciao,
Nora.

Post # 605

Don't you all just love my new template? I'm quite fond of it myself. I see myself as that frog, sitting there so comfortable with my arms folded over each other. I saw it and I knew that was it for me. That was the perfect Green Stone Woman image. I also like the colors and the layout. I didn't have to change a thing about it. Let me know if any of you have any problems with it. I'll see what I can do about it. The frog is staying, though.

I slept 4 1/2 hours last night and I feel like I've caught up on some off my lack of sleep. I was awfully tired when I went to bed last night and I hardly remember getting in bed and going to sleep. I don't even know if I read my book, though I woke up with the indentations of my reading glasses on my nose. I always love that when it happens, because it makes me look slightly Oriental.

I don't know about you, or if it's my age, but I always have night sweats and wake up with my T-shirt drenched and the sheet all wet. I'm assuming it is menopause, although I always think I must be way beyond that now. Maybe some women have it over longer periods of time. If anybody else has this, please let me know.

I have an appointment with my SPN this morning and she'll be happy to no longer see me depressed. I don't know what I am instead, but I'm not depressed. We're supposed to fill in those forms for the help in the household that I already got in the mail the other day and that I must not forget to bring. Other than that, my day is free and I want to get a lot of housework done. There's the laundry and the mopping of the floors and my bedroom to clean up. The inevitable dusting that goes on endlessly and shouldn't even be mentioned. I think the vacuum cleaner is plugged up again, so I'll have to take it apart and unplug it. I vacuumed up an awful lot of dog hair the other day when I was so industriously changing the living room around.

I'm still happy with the result, but I need more house plants. I need a potted palm, but I don't know if I have the right spot for it. I always assume they need a lot of light and I don't know if the spot I have in mind gets enough of that. I'm tempted to buy a ficus, but I have such bad luck with them. Except for the one that grew in my backyard in California. It grew to be a real tree that my son used to climb in.

Oh, I really feel like going back to bed and sleeping some more. I'm not nearly wide awake enough yet to get the show on the road. I'm suddenly hit with a great tiredness. All I want to do is go lie down and sleep. I think that's what I'll go do now.

Ciao,
Nora