I'll not give it a thought...

The other day, when the Exfactor did the groceries for me, I forgot to have him buy the ground coffee and now I am almost out of it. Luckily, I still had some of the good brand of instant coffee left and I have been drinking that. It hasn't been as awful as you think. I make sure I get the water really hot before I spoon more than enough instant coffee in it and then add a generous amount of milk. 

This way I have an almost perfect cup of coffee and it doesn't taste bad at all. I don't make funny faces when I take the first sip and it doesn't make me shudder when I swallow it. I can actually say that I look forward to drinking it and that I sometimes even have a second cup, although the first cup usually suffices. I certainly make it strong enough and it carries a punch. 

I just had a cup and now I'm bright eyed and bushy tailed. I had to have some coffee because I was somewhat discombobulated by the unofficial nap that I took on top of the duvet but under the red fleece blanket in the company of the dog. Since it is a cold day, I had also turned on the heater so the apartment was nice and warm and consequently my nap lasted longer than I had intended. 

For a change, I'm very comfortable and not at all chilled. Even my hands are warm which doesn't happen very often. I think it must be because of my low blood pressure that they are always so cold, just like the tip of my nose. It usually feels like an ice cube but that is not a problem right now. 

I'm waiting for a package to arrive. In it will be my new and, hopefully, comfortable walking shoes. I hope they are everything I expect them to be because my feet really need them. I haven't had a pair of sensible shoes since I left the States and have always walked on shoes or boots that were meant to be pretty but not necessarily good to walk in. 

Now that I'm getting older, I'm becoming less vain and more concerned about my feet. And I do want to walk longer distances with the dog without getting sore feet and a backache. That much became clear to me when I had to take him to the trim salon. I can walk that distance but I do need good footwear. 

I'm completely trying to ignore my depression. I'm pretending that I don't have it and that everything is great. I think that's the best way to deal with it. That's one subject matter less to talk about. 

I hope you're all having a good day. 

Ciao,
Irene

Cups of coffee and animals...

It's with some amount of relief that I sit here with a cup of coffee and a cigarette after having woken up from my afternoon nap. There was the possibility that I was going to be grouchy but luckily, I'm not. I was in a good enough mood right away and the coffee only helped me become more so. Sometimes things do turn out just right.

I usually have no idea what determines if I'm going to be in a good enough mood when I wake up from my naps. It all seems to be up to chance and if I got out on the right side of the bed. It seems to be more a matter of fate than anything else. I have no idea how much I can do about it myself and if I'm at all able to change that. 

I do know that I usually have to make a cup of coffee and that it's going to alter whatever mood I've got in a positive sense. Caffeine always works to my advantage. When in doubt about anything, have a cup of coffee. It will set straight whatever is wrong. And smoke a cigarette, unless you've kicked that habit already. 

I doubt I'll ever get off the caffeine or even want to. It serves its function so well for me. I'd be mad to stop drinking it, although I drink less of it now than I used to. When I still had my Senseo machine I drank many cups more. It was an addictive habit. I loved that creamy coffee and a cup was quickly made.

I can't go out in the cold night air at the moment because I'm waiting for a package to arrive. I don't know when that will be but I'll have to walk the dog later. He's still happily snoozing in the armchair, so he's okay for now. 

Both the animals have been treated for fleas and they've both stopped scratching. That flea repellent I got from the vet is powerful stuff.

The cat hardly protested. The Exfactor only had to hold her gently while I applied the flea drops. She really didn't react to it and went back to sleep afterwards as if nothing had happened. It should always be this easy. For some reason I thought it was going to be much harder than this. I have to treat them again next month. 

The dog located his tennis ball this afternoon. It was stuck underneath a storage unit in the spare bedroom. He was so happy to have it again. He hasn't lost track of it yet. It had been lost for quite a while and I had not thought of looking for it there. I thought it was just about time to get some new ones but the problem has been solved. 

Now, of course, I'll have to play many games of fetch. I'm in the perfect chair for it because I'm in a direct line to the bedroom. 

Have a good evening.

Ciao,

Nora

A little nap...

I took what was supposed to be a little after dinner nap, but woke up four hours later instead, all sweaty and hot and bothered. I took off some clothes to cool off and made myself a cup of coffee and quickly came to my senses again and now it's raining outside and for some reason that sounds just right and I wish to go stand in it and let myself get completely wet. It's thundering and lightening too, though, so I guess I better not. It's really pouring down hard, it's raining buckets, sort to say.

Today I waited for my package with the long sleeved top to get here, but when it didn't at the usual time, I checked the mailbox and sure enough, it was in there. At least I didn't waste the rest of the afternoon waiting for it, because I did have to walk Tyke. I tried on the top right away and I'm happy with it. It fits perfectly and is gray, which is the fashion color this winter, and it can be worn layered with another top underneath. I wore it when I took Tyke for his walk, because I was already wearing the perfect clothes to go with it. Never let it be said that I'm not well dressed when I walk the dog.

It was a perfectly lovely day. The sun was shining and it was pleasantly warm. The rain that had been predicted had not come yet. This will have been our last nice weather. After this we get cooler temperatures and more rain, real autumn weather. Well, it is almost October after all. Can you believe that? The leaves are changing color and there is an autumn like quality in the air. The sun is lower on the horizon and sets earlier in the evening. It becomes dawn later and the birds aren't up as early. I tell myself that I don't mind these things, and I think I really don't, it's only the dead of winter I don't like.

The Exfactor was supposed to be here today, but this morning I got an email from him saying that he would not come and that he would be here tomorrow instead. There was no reason why. Now, tomorrow is a bad day for me and he knows it. That's when my personal helper is here and my domestic help. I also have an appointment with my psychiatrist. He's done this to me before, cancel without an explanation and come on a day when it was not convenient at all and it really ticks me off. I said so in a return email. It seems that something better comes along and that he just changes his mind. I haven't heard a thing from him yet and he will probably just show up some time tomorrow. Gggrrr!

I mustn't let that aggravation spoil my mood, which was nice and mellow. I intend to be in a good mood before I go to bed. I'm slowly getting ready to. I'm already yawning and any minute now I'm going to put on my pajamas.

I hope you all have a good night!

Ciao,
Nora

Something not to do...

I mustn't get up in the middle of the night when I am actually still sleepy enough to go back to bed after I've gone to the toilet and let Tyke out back even though I feel good and it's tempting to sit behind the computer in that mood and answer emails. If I do stay up, I get tired in the morning and have to go back to bed and sleep the rest of the morning and don't get a thing done. Then when I finally do get up, I have cobwebs in my head and I need several cups of coffee to get in a functioning mode again. So it's just a bunch of silliness and I do hope that I remember tonight to go back to bed after I've been up for the necessities.

I did shower and wash my hair and get dressed up. I wore a pair of black leggings, a black denim mini skirt, a black tank top with red flowers and my new red cardigan that's so funky. I also wore my ankle boots and a lot of perfume. I thought I looked nice. Not bad for an old lady anyway. A middle aged croon. I did want to make a good impression, after all. Never let it be said that I under dress.

Full of tranquilizers and courage I rode my bike to my creative class, which turned out to be such an easy thing to do. I very leisurely made my way over there and I was not nervous one bit. I got there right on time and walked straight into the room and introduced myself to the person in charge, who happened to be a very nice man. He asked me what I would like to do and I told him that I wanted to work with clay and that I did have experience with it and I mentioned my other therapy class.

So, a work place was made available to me and I got all the materials I wanted and went to work. This time I'm not copying anything from a picture, but I'm trying to make something up myself and let me tell you, it is tough. I'm really working very hard at it to make it look like something and I change my mind as I go along and reshape it and cut pieces off and add pieces. It will be a lot of hard work to get it to look like anything that I will be satisfied with, but I've got all the time in the world and I get to work on it again on Monday. It easier to copy something, though, then to make something up.

I didn't really get to know anybody in the class. They seemed to be very paired up and palls with each other, but the teacher is a very nice man and so is his volunteer. Nobody took their coffee break at the same time, while I took mine at the official time and I sat outside in the gazebo with some people from other groups, but none of them were very forthcoming. Hopefully that will be different on Monday. I just have to get into the swing of things and not be such a stranger. It's a shame, though, that I don't speak dialect, because they all do.

The time went by quickly enough and before I knew it, it was time to clean up. I had to place my sculpture under a damp cloth and in a plastic bag and put it on a shelf. I'll have to think about it this week and decide what I want to improve about it by looking at the sculptures I have at home and maybe look in the sculpture photograph book on Monday to get some ideas. There are some obvious things I'm doing wrong and I can't remember how to do them right.

I'm looking forward to Monday afternoon anyway now that I have a taste of it. I'm very excited about continuing my project and making it come out right, no matter how long it takes.

I walked Tyke straight away when I got home. He had been a good boy while I was gone and had not gotten into any trouble. I don't really know what he does when I'm not home, but he seems to come from my bedroom when I walk into the door. Maybe he just lies on the bed there and waits for me to come back.

After I walked Tyke, I put on my pajamas and my bathrobe and I've been very comfortable ever since. It's nice to be dressed up, but it's equally nice to be super comfortable in your socks and sleepwear.

Tomorrow the Exfactor is coming over and I'm expecting a package. It's a long sleeved top that only cost me 2.50 Euros, because I got a coupon and I went to the sales section of the on line store. I saved more than 30 Euros. I love a good deal. I just hope the top is as nice as it looked on the picture. I hope it becomes me. I also have to do the laundry and change the bed and do some ironing. I have one load drying, one load in the machine and one load coming up. How can one person generate so much washing?

The tranquilizers are saving my life. I would not have done nearly as well today without them. I doubt I would have made it to creative class. I would have been a right mess. And a depressed one on top of it. I'm ever so grateful for them.

Have a good night you all.

Ciao,
Nora

So early in the morning...

Here I am with my cup of coffee and my cigarette. I have read blogs and left comments and answered my emails. For some reason my latest post got published without the ability to leave comments and I tried to fix it, but to no avail. I hope this doesn't happen again. I would hate to have a problem with blogger that's going to be hard to fix. I want no frustration like that at all.

I have just turned on the light therapy lamp and the bright light of it is making my eyes squint in the early morning darkness. It is like a wake up call. Like going out in the bright sunshine. No doubt I will be perky as the early bird in no time at all. That, along with my coffee, should get me off to a good start. I will no doubt be as energetic as a go cart in the shortest amount of time and have limitless amounts of get up and go. I can hear my engine revving up now. It just needs a little more fuel.

The book I started reading yesterday afternoon turns out to be very good. The subject matter is fascinating and it is very well written. There is not a hitch in it. It reads as easily as downing a plate of very good fettuccine with real Italian cheese. It is a true pleasure. The premise of the book is a difficult one and the story is complicated and not an easy subject, but she writes about it beautifully and convincingly. You look forward with a certain amount of dread, but with a lot of curiosity, to the real circumstances of the drowning of the sister and the almost drowning of the child who is so traumatized. The main character of the book is a force to be reckoned with, although quite disturbed. The father is a man of yet unknown strengths.

I sat in my armchair with a tall glass of milk and the reading light by my side and an extra pillow for comfort and read the rest of the afternoon into the evening until it was time to watch the news. I didn't read it when I went to bed at night. I merely got under the duvet and laid there in the semi dark and waited for sleep to come, which it did quickly. I thought about my blogging friends and what they would be doing at that particular time and I tried to imagine them in their lives, knowing all that I know about them, while at the same time knowing so little.

This morning the Exfactor is coming by to do the groceries and have coffee, although he can't stay late because he has to work in the afternoon. It will be a short visit, but it will be nice nevertheless. I have to stay home in the afternoon and wait for my package to be delivered. Hopefully that won't take too long. They are usually here some time in the middle of the afternoon and not some time around 6 pm when they could also come.

I'm going to set up the radio/CD player right away in my bedroom and find a pleasant radio station to listen to so I will be ready to turn it on at night when I go to sleep. I also have to find those CD's of nature sounds that are somewhere in the collection and some pleasantly serene classical music ones. I want to be well prepared. I haven't had a radio in a while so I'm curious to see which stations I will be able to receive. I hope for a pleasant jazz station and for a station that plays a lot of baroque. No operas and romantic classical music, please. No Mahler, but Eric Satie would be nice. That reminds me, I have double CD's of his music.

It's only 8C outside right now. I stood by the back door and welcomed the cold air on my body. It was very refreshing. It wasn't raining, but the sky was partly cloudy. I did see the moon and it was in its third quarter. Last night, when I went to sleep, the bedroom was chilly and it felt great to get under the duvet. I had bare arms, so I was a bit cold. I still have to get an extra cover for the bed to put over the duvet. I thought I had something in the closet somewhere, but I have not found it yet. Maybe it is in one of the boxes in the spare bedroom. I'll have to have a look.

I'm all done drinking coffee now. Three cups are more than enough. That's all I can handle. As it is, I have to throw the last little bit away into the kitchen sink. Coffee is great to drink and it does wonders for your mental health, but too much of it is no good either. I'm down to three cups a day and I think that's enough of a good thing. I have to get into the habit of drinking tea, but I have to buy a teapot and a tea cozy. That will go on the list of things I want for my birthday. I like making proper pots of tea and not dunking teabags in a tea glass.

I'm off to start the day. I have to take my medicines and get dressed and walk Tyke. He's very impatiently breathing down my neck. Gandhi is also, I know not for what reason.

I hope you all have a nice day. The weather looks very dubious here. I could get wet.

Ciao,
Nora

Cleavage!

The first thing I did this morning after I wrote my post, was pay the bills. This was less of a stressful job than I had anticipated (it always is) and I was done quickly. I pay them all on line, so it is easy to do. I was able to pay back a loan, so that made me feel real good. It's always nice when you don't have that hanging over your head anymore.

I was feeling tired despite my efforts to stay awake and to want to do chores. I made myself a cup of coffee but it was all in vain. I had to go back to bed. Just as I was about to, the package of clothes arrived. I was so tired that I didn't even open it, but put it down on the chair in my bedroom and went sound to sleep.

I woke up at noontime from the telephone ringing. It was my sister who wanted to go take the dogs for a walk. I said I was not coherent yet and that I would call her back and smoked a cigarette. Then I opened the package with clothes and got dressed. I tried on a bra first and it fit well and to my great pleasure, I had cleavage. That's what you get when you have the right cup size. I tried on one of the sundresses and it fit too and showed my cleavage really well. Lol.

I put on leggings and a cardigan and my boots and was ready to go. I called my sister and told her so. We met in the street and went for a walk. It was cold outside and there were dark gray clouds overhead. We didn't wander too far from home, because it really looked threatening. We were walking around the field in front of her house when the first splatters of rain came down and we hurried home as quick as we could. I had to drag Tyke with me because he wanted to stop and sniff everywhere.

When we got home, it was just about time for the match between the Netherlands and Japan, so I watched that. It was okay, nothing really noteworthy and the Netherlands won with 1-0. I keep getting ready to see some very exciting football, but I'm not seeing it. I probably have my hopes up too much. People were making all sorts of predictions about the outcome, but 1-0 is really a meager score. You'd think the Netherlands could do better than that.

After the game, I fell asleep on the sofa and slept for a few hours. Tyke slept on the other end. I don't know what it is with me and sleeping lately, but I can't seem to get enough of it. I've heard, though, that more people are bothered by it, so it may have something to do with the weather. The cold dreariness may make us want to hibernate.

Of course, I haven't done a thing in the apartment. All of my chores are left undone. Do I care? Not very much, but I have to get them done tomorrow. The place has to be in good shape when the domestic help gets here Monday afternoon. I don't want her to think that I'm a messy person. She probably already thinks that after cleaning up my dirty apartment. I do want to make a good second impression. I don't want her to think that I'm a hopeless case.

I'm already looking forward to going to bed in a few hours. I can't wait to get under the covers. I probably will change the sheets before I get in, because it will be so nice and clean and good smelling. That will make going to bed extra special. I hope I sleep for a long time. I will get my pajamas and bathrobe on in a minute and hang out behind the computer for a while. I have to visit blogs and answer emails.

Have a good rest of the evening or rest of the day. It is dry here now, but there are many threatening clouds. It's kind of cozy inside.

Ciao,
Nora

Waking up...

I've managed to sleep about 7 hours and I'm now waking up with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. At least I've had a fairly normal night's sleep and I feel well rested, which does not mean that I will not seek out the sofa later today for a small nap. But that will be after I've taken care of the things I have to do here, such as pay the bills and do the dishes and sweep the floors and dust the furniture, not necessarily in that order. I will do them in my own meticulous way and it will all make sense, though I will pay the bills first, because that weighs the heaviest and is the greatest relief when it is done.

I can't get the show on the road the first thing in the morning. I first need to sit here and gather my thoughts and drink a few cups of coffee and make a slow start. I do that best by writing a post. I get my brain organized that way and in running condition. It's a very selfish way to start the day, because I only have my own objectives in mind. Of course, I write with you in mind and I do want to make sense, but mostly I write for myself and to get myself ready for the day.

I'm still sitting here in my pajamas and Tyke has been to do his business out back for now. I'm not quite ready to take him for a walk. I need more coffee before I do that. I need to be awake more. I'm still yawning and I think I need at least one more cup of coffee. I will make that as soon as I have the wherewithal to get up. These things take a little bit of planning. You can't do them spontaneously. It would upset the fragility of the early morning ritual.

Okay, I've got my cup of coffee now and a new supply of cigarettes. That ought to give me some renewed vigor. If that doesn't work, I don't know what will. I will be forced to go back to bed and start all over again, in which case I will delete this post. I have to stay up, though, because I'm expecting a package this morning with the things I ordered on line the other day.They're supposed to be here between 9 am and 1 pm, which is a long wait and then I have to make sure they don't shove it in the mailbox while I sit here and wait. That's what they did the time before last with my cardigan.

I probably spend an inordinate amount of time talking about clothes on this blog and I don't know how I got that way either. I didn't used too be that way. So very female. I care about clothes very much and I like nice things and I care about the way I look. There was a long time when I was really overweight when I could not do that, when I wore whatever fit me. As I lost the weight, I started caring again about what I wore, as I had before when I became a liberated female. Becoming liberated meant developing my own style in clothing, not bound by anybody else's taste. Not dressing like a wife or a mother. Not thinking about what role I had to play.

I would like to believe that I invent myself now and that I make up my own mind about what I look like within the possibilities that I have. I don't want to be conventional, yet not so absurd that I look odd. I don't want to dress my age, that's for sure, nor does that run in my family. Neither one of my sisters dresses her age, especially not my older sister. My mother was more conventional and dressed like Hyacinth Bucket and had her hair fixed the same way. At least she always looked nice and presentable, although not especially daring. I don't think she quite had the courage for that. I think it is easier for people of my generation to look less conventional. We are not so restricted by rules.

I will look for something nice to wear in a while. I will be something different than I wore yesterday. I don't want to slip into a rut and I easily want to be able to try on the new dresses that I'm expecting today. I hope they fit and that I don't have to lose weight first. If I do, though, it will be a challenge, because they don't come in a bigger size.

I need one more cup of coffee and I'll be totally awake, although I'm on my way now real well. You can probably tell by the way of writing. It's suddenly taken a more upbeat turn after a very slow start. I shall overcome the slow motion of the morning.

I've got to pay bills now. Wish me luck.

Have a good day.

Ciao,
Nora

Recuperation.

I'm trying to recuperate from a whole night up spemt with Tyke. He had to piddle quite often, but didn't warn me when he had to go in his befuddled state. Instead, he started to wander around the apaprtment and I had to direct him to the back door, so he could go out to the patio and piddle in the flowerbed. I didn't get any sleep until this morning and some this afternoon and I'm still not caught up, but I'll save the rest for tonight.

Tyke is still not back to normal and is very subdued, but he's better than he was yesterday and his eye doesn't look too bad, although this morning it was encrusted with dried blood and I had to remove that. I've taken the collar off and he isn't bothering his eye, so I think it is okay. He was so miserable with it on and the drool had made the front of him and his ears all wet and stinky. I have to soap up a wash cloth when he's feeling a bit perkier.

He did go with me this morning to return the umbrella to the hairdresser and to the tobacco shop, but I think he did it just to please me, because when we got home he was completely spent and he hasn't done much since that time.

My friend Yvonne was here this afternoon and he greeted her very sedately, not at all like his normal enthusiastic self, and when the Exfactor also got here, it was more of the same. They both thought he was on his best behavior, but I had to help them out of that illusion.

It's very obvious that people like me better with my glasses on. I get approached more openly than I do without them. Yvonne says that I look friendlier. Maybe that is because I see everybody better. I recognize people easier. Whatever the difference is, it is positive, so I better keep wearing them. Please remind me of this whenever I start to doubt the use of my glasses, besides not getting headaches, of course. I do think being friendlier is very important.

I wish I weren't so darn tired. I would go to sleep on the sofa, but I'm waiting for a package to be delivered. They said they would be here between 12 and 6 pm. Of course, it will be closer to 6 pm, so you sit and wait the whole afternoon and can't walk the dog. Come to think of it, I will check my mailbox and make sure they didn't stick it in there like they sometimes do.

Yes, it was in the mailbox and here I was futily waiting for the door bell to ring. Now I have to take Tyke for a walk.

Okay, did that.

I think I'm going to lie down now and take a little nap. I need one badly as you can witness by this post. It's not quite full of life.

Ciao,
Nora

Another bright and beautiful morning.

I had made a deal with my SPN that I would no longer get up in the middle of the night and stay up and play with the computer until it was morning. This in an effort to get me back to a more normal rhythm in which I might have more energy during the day to undertake things and not be asleep for half of the day. Well, I just about made it. I woke up twice during the night because of night sweats and I had to change the towel I sleep on. The second time I was very uncomfortable, because my arm also hurt, so I did get up for a while and spent some time behind the computer, but luckily, I realized on time that I should go back to bed and I did and woke up at a regular hour. So I did actually sleep a lot, because I went to bed very early last night. I wasn't in the mood to stay up and only wanted to be in bed under the duvet with my book and be nice and warm and read.

Yesterday morning, after I got dressed and walked the dog, I did not clean the apartment as I had so proudly proclaimed. I got my book and laid down on the sofa and read and took a little catnap and Toby took a little catnap on top of me. That's all the effort I put into my morning. When I got up, I had some coffee and cleaned up the kitchen and walked the dog. It was snowing outside and did so for a long time. Still, it was slippery outside in a lot of places and sometimes I'm afraid that I'm going to lose my footing and hit the deck.

I left an hour early to go to my SPN as I also had to go past the post office to mail two packages. These will be amongst the last packages that I will send, as I have quit Bookmooch. I was spending such an inordinate amount of money each month sending books to people that it just about gave me an ulcer worrying about it and I decided not to do it anymore. I will take some of the money that I spent each month and spend it on discount books I want at Bol.com. I will feel much better doing that. I have to send a few more books, but that will be it.

Luckily, the line at the post office was very short and I was done in no time, leaving me to make my careful way to my SPN's office. There were some tricky areas where things were very slippery, but I did not fall once, so that was good. I got there early and read a women's magazine in the waiting room. I never read those, except in the waiting room, because they give such unrealistic expectations about what a woman's life should look like. It's life seen through rose colored glasses and it bothers me that there is none of the really gritty stuff of life in them. It's not exactly feminist literature.

When I got home again, I had to call the pharmacist and make sure they had gotten my prescriptions for all my medicines and ask them to deliver them to my apartment that evening. Then I called my sister to let her know that I was home so we could go shopping. It was busy at the store, but they always have enough cash registers open so you don't really have to wait in line. I was done quickly, because I knew exactly what I had to get, which is basically always the same, give or take a little, and I was ready to go in no time. But I had to wait for my sister and when she didn't show up, I thought about giving her a call. Just as I was about to, I saw her blond head in the crowd. She had run into an acquaintance and had a chat and met the little boy who was two and adorable and she wanted to take him home with her. You see, puppies and little kids...

At home I had the fun job of putting away the groceries with the help of the animals and I gave the cats their food in the pouches, which they darn near pulled out of my hands, and the dog got his treat. I got a cup of coffee and watched some inane TV program while I made cigarettes. It's a program for people aged 55+ and they think we're all demented and can only handle very simple subjects. No intellect is required. It's so condescending. The problem is that I watched the whole program. That's how lazy I was and somewhat fascinated by it at the same time, because I kept thinking, you're addressing me? It's the same problem as with those women's magazines, no unpleasant subjects are broached.

This novel I'm reading, "Superior Women" by Alice Adams is really good. I can't wait to start reading it every time I put it down. I'm completely fascinated by it. It's got me hooked. It's a little bit dated, but it still makes for a good read.

It's supposed to get up to 4C today, so that means there should be some major melting of the snow. It's -1C now and the sun is shining. The dog is sound asleep and hasn't asked to be let out yet. I think he is getting a little demented. Sometimes he gets stuck in corners and just stands there or he just topples over. He also wanders around aimlessly in little areas as if he's confused. Outside he falls off the sidewalk and he leans his head into the wrong side of the door to get in. I don't mind. I just keep a closer eye on him. He's still a good dog.

Well, I'm getting sleepy, so I better get dressed and take him out in the fresh air. That will do us both a lot of good. These anti psychotics do make me want to fall asleep.

Ciao,
Nora

Not going there!

There's one place I'm not going and that's back to bed, because I have to go see my SPN today and I'm worried about sleeping too late and not getting my act together on time. I do need a certain amount of time after I wake up to sit around and drink coffee and smoke cigarettes and do nothing for a while but stare into the middle distance and pet the dog. So, I've got to make myself another cup of coffee and then another one and be fully awake for the rest of the time until I leave. I've also got to go by the post office to drop some packages off on the way there. That means I have to leave a little earlier, as there is always a line there of people having to do complicated things, such as mail ten different sized packages to Shanghai and nine other cities in the Far East.

I'm walking, of course, and the sidewalks are still icy, so I have to tread with care. Today we are expecting both snow and rain, because the temperature is going to be 1C and that is just cold/warm enough for both. I sure hope none of it comes down while I'm out and about, but I'll wear my long coat and my snow hat and be prepared and carry an umbrella too. When I get back, my sister and I are going grocery shopping, which is good, because I'm all out of sugar and the dog is nearly all out of treats. The cats are out of their food in pouches and they do beg for it, those poor things. You'd think a calamity had struck them the way they stand there and wail like banshees and bleat like goats. They pull their whole repertoire out of the closet.

So, if I'm not going back to bed, I'll be forced to keep myself occupied in a different manner and I've decided that will be by doing some housework. I have to do dishes and clean up the kitchen (again) and do laundry. I also need to vacuum the living room and dust the furniture and water the plants. I'll take it one chore at the time and not try to overwhelm myself by trying to do to many things all at once. I'm not the young, indefatigable chick I used to be. It wears me out to drag the vacuum cleaner around and shove that hose around. I don't do it with any pleasure at all, except for the result afterwards, but it gets old after you've done it a 1,000 times in your life. Housewives never get a job promotion.

My regular telephone isn't working and I've just tried to replace the rechargeable batteries with some that I still had, but they didn't work. So now I'm recharging those batteries in the hope that when I replace them again, they will work and I won't have to buy a new telephone. Not that new telephones have to be that expensive. I just wasn't counting on it this month. I can't call out or receive calls, so I have to rely on my mobile phone. Yes. I would love to go out and buy a new telephone, a really nice and neat one, but I don't need it. I hardly make phone calls. As a matter of fact, I may as well give up my regular phone and just use my mobile phone. I may be cheaper of, because I already make most calls from my mobile phone. That's where all the numbers are stored after all.

I hear my bed calling me, but I'm not going there. At the most I'll go lie down on the sofa, after I've done some chores. It's time for me to change the sheets on my bed anyway. It will be nice to get into a clean bed tonight. There's nothing like it. That's a chore I'll gladly do. The reward is great.

I think what I'll do first is walk the dog and get a good bit of fresh air. It's -3C outside and that ought to wake me up well. It will be invigorating anyway. Watch me seize the day and make something of it. Ha, if I don't fall asleep halfway through it. Getting dressed is the hardest part. I'm so comfortable and warm in my bathrobe and slippers, the thought of taking them off doesn't appeal to me very much.

She who must go and suffer greets you!

Ciao,
Nora

Frittering away the time.

I've managed to fritter away the day doing I don't know what. Yes, doing all sorts of inconsequential things that didn't add up to anything worthwhile. At least, it doesn't leave me with a lot to show for. After I walked the dog this morning in the slushy snow, which was cold and wet, I ate breakfast and went back to bed and slept another three hours, which was wonderful and I'm convinced I needed it, because when I woke up, I felt great and ever so ready to enjoy the rest of the day. Of course, I started it off by turning on the computer and reading my emails.

Mistake # 1. Never turn on your computer at a random time, because you will get stuck there in the middle of the day and forget to do other things that are more important. I did remember to get dressed, which is good, because the mailman rang the doorbell with a package for me and I did have my clothes on and that was doubly good, because a while later the Exfactor showed up for coffee and a chat. I would hate to have him see me in leggings and a T-shirt. We're past that stage of intimacy.

He stayed for quite awhile and that took a big bite out of my afternoon and then I still had to walk the dog in the slushy snow. My boots have gotten wet and need drying out, but I keep wearing them, because I'm not feeling anything in my toes that's indicating cold or wetness, unless the feeling has gone out of them completely. I probably have wet socks and don't even realize it. After I walk the dog for the last time, I will take them off and put them on a radiator and let them dry properly. The Exfactor brought some cable holders to tack the cable of the computer to the baseboards with, but not enough, so I need to go to the hardware store to buy more.

I must make a list of things I have to buy before the year is out. It's adding up in my head, but I'm bound to forget something now, as there are too many items on it. I will sit down shortly and start writing that list.

The package I got from the mailman contained a book that wouldn't fit through the mailbox slot, but when I got the mail out of the mailbox, there was another book there and some Christmas cards, bringing the total to 13. I do hope I get more than that...

Eventually I remembered my wet laundry hanging out on the clothesline and brought it all in and put it in the washing machine for the spin cycle. It's done now and I can hang it up to dry shortly. Mistake # 2, don't hang up your laundry outside to dry when it's wintertime and it has been snowing and it may rain soon. Mistake # 3, don't trust the weather forecast on your computer.

Well, I have so little to show for my day, it's just outrageous. I did all these little things that are not worth mentioning. If you sleep half of the day and spend another chunk visiting with you ex, it takes care of a good portion of it. I also find myself tired now and I don't know why that is. I'm very much looking forward to going to bed and pulling the duvet over my head. It can be that visiting with the Exfactor has exhausted me. Who knows what sort of subliminal things take place while we meet? Maybe it wears me out.

I think I will hang up the laundry now and then walk the dog and have something to eat. Hey, this was supposed to be an upbeat post, but I 'm ending it in a minor mood. I'm just very tired suddenly. Have a wonderful evening.

Ciao,
Nora

What I should be doing!

I should be rushing around getting ready and walking the dog before I go to the post office, but I've pushed my pause button and am going to sit here just a while longer and enjoy the not so quite start of the day. Why? Because I can and because the dog is lying here beside me snoring and he has already been out for a piddle and my coffee tastes especially good. Besides that, my mood is extremely good right now and I want to keep it that way for a little while longer and not disturb it with aggravating activity yet. I know the post office isn't open yet, though by the time I'm dressed and walk the dog it would be, but I have time yet and all will get done in the end.

At least my packages and Christmas cards are all ready to go and all I have to do is pick them up and put them in my shopping bag. It may be a bit tough to ride my bike, because there's still snow outside and it is still freezing. I was standing by the back door when the dog did his piddle and shivered. Of course, he took forever, because he had to investigate everywhere and found one spot in particular very interesting and I wonder if there is a hedgehog there that took shelter. It was too cold and snowy to go out in my slippers to have a look. Every once in a while there is a hedge hog out back that wants to look for spots to hide under and the dog is always very curious when he runs into one.

I started my morning with a big glass of fruit juice, but realized very quickly that it doesn't work the way a cup of coffee does and after half an hour, I very quickly walked to the Senseo machine and brewed myself a strong one, which I drank quickly and which restored me to my senses soon after. Yes, I do need my caffeine or I'm a sad camper who does not function well. I'm a typical Mickey Spillane writer who lives on caffeine and nicotine. I should have lived decades ago when it was still glamorous and I could have been a babe and have had interesting cocktails to drink in a rundown office on the backstairs, with a loaded gun in the desk drawer. Such is my fantasy this morning.

I've very quickly read as many blog posts as possible in the little time I allowed myself to do so, because I was up rather late this morning by my standards and that means that I had a good night's sleep. I slept for at least 8 hours and feel quite spunky now. I don't know what's come over me, but for some reason I'm managing to sleep like a regular human being. I do get up in the middle of the night once, but have enough sense to go back to bed and I hardly remember falling asleep again. I'm very fond of my duvet and roll myself into it as if it were a sleeping bag with only the top of my head showing. I think I would like a heavier duvet in the wintertime, but I'm not cold. I think I would just enjoy the weight of it. I must look into that the next time I'm at Ikea. I need a new duvet anyway. This one is getting kind of threadbare.

I put a whole load of laundry through the machine last night and I would love to dry it outside, but the weather forecast predicts 2C and rain, so I think I can't take the chance, which is really a shame, because there nothing like having your clothes dry outside. They smell so good when you bring them back in and put them away in your closet. The next best thing is when all your clothes smell of your favorite perfume. I've also tried those lavender sachets, but I find them next to useless, as I never have any of my clothes smell like lavender and I think it's all just a rip off. I have thought of putting dryer sheets in the closet and hoping that their scent would make my clothes smell good, but I don't know if they would stain them. Of course. all my clothes also smell of smoke and that is an odor that is hard to get rid off, unless you constantly wash your clothes, even when they aren't dirty. That's the kind of wear end tear I don't need, though.

I just checked my bank account and my money isn't there yet. Luckily, I have cash to pay with at the post office. I do have my guardian angel, I tell you. I am concerned about my money not being there and I will have to make a phone call today and find out where it is.

The dog is becoming restless and is giving me the evil eye. It says, "Come on woman, I need to go out," so I guess I better do that now.


It's still plenty cold out and of course I didn't wear my gloves, so the hand that wasn't in my pocket is very cold. It's -4C and the snow is till just as thick as it was yesterday and nice and crunchy. I don't see how I'm going to ride my bike in it, but I'll worry about that when the time comes. It looks very slippery on the streets where all the cars have driven. I'll have to walk in some spots.

Now that I've been out, the spell has been broken and I feel that the day has officially started. That means I can't sit here much longer, although I can prolong the inevitable a little bit. I haven't opened the blinds yet to let the daylight in, although I will do that soon and watch the sun shine on the snow. I hope the weather forecasters got it wrong and that it doesn't rain today and that I can hang up my laundry to dry. I will tempt fate and hang it out anyway and see what happens.

I haven't got anything planned for Christmas and I think I will just pretend it is a day like any other day, but just a little bit more jubilant. I don't have a tree up, nor any other decorations, except for the sparkly branches in the bedroom and the Christmas cards that are hanging on the living room door. I do enjoy getting and sending cards. That's one tradition I will honor. I'm not going to roast a goose or a turkey and I won't be drinking eggnog. I think I have some Bailey's Irish Cream left that I may imbibe in. I do always think of that as a Holiday drink. It's the smoothest stuff I know.

Well, I'm off to hang up the laundry, so I all expect you to keep your fingers crossed for me for dry weather. Just think, all I want is nice smelling clothes. Oh yes, and money in my bank account.

I hope you all have a terrific day and that you have all your Christmas shopping done, because I would hate to think of you having to do your shopping now.

Ciao,
Nora

This evening...

I laid down on the sofa this afternoon and within 5 minutes I was sound asleep. So, I did need to go to sleep after all and I did need that rest and going to the hairdresser had taken it out of me, which is surprising, but I forgot that I'm in a low pressure system and started behaving as though I am not and having normal expectations of myself. I slept until the doorbell rang about two hours later and it was a delivery person with a large package from the United States. It was from my blogging friend Gail At the Farm, who has a habit of suddenly, out of the blue, sending me packages with surprises inside of them.

This time she sent me delicious smelling body lotions, and a book, and an ashtray with a lid on it for in my purse, and magazines about dogs and art, and a body care gift box filled with goodies, and a picture frame in the shape of a flip flop, because she always wears those. A real cornucopia. Of course, I immediately tried one of the body lotions on my hands and as I sit here I can smell them and it is wonderful. Wild orchid it is called and I'm imagining what I will smell like when I have applied it over my whole body. I will fall in love with myself, I think. The book is called Half Broke Horses by Jeannette Walls and I can't wait to start reading it. Another fine book to add to my collection.

I think it's very sweet when people send me things, especially when I want to send people things myself, but am always too broke to do it, so I never do. One day I will, one day I will make good on it.

Then the time arrived for me to go grocery shopping and I sat down on the sofa and smoked a cigarette to gather courage. After I smoked that one, I tried to get up and grab my purse and go, but I couldn't and sat and had another cigarette instead. I realized that it was going to be hard to go, so I called my sister to ask her to take me to the store in her car instead, but she was not home. Then I got a panic attack and wanted to call a random person and tell them to come and rescue me and go to the store for me. Of course, there was no such person to call and I took a pill instead and sat down on the sofa instead and smoked another cigarette. I decided then, to take the dog and at least walk to the tobacco shop, so that would be done. I could handle that, because I would have the dog with me and it wasn't that far away.

So, I got that done, but wild horses can't drag me to the grocery store and we'll have to live on what's in the refrigerator and the cupboards. I'm too scared to go, I can't do it. I'll have to wait for a day when I'm brave again. Hopefully I will be on Monday, because then I really have to go. There's no escaping it. I feel totally hopeless because of it, but I don't know what to do.

As a result of this, my low pressure system is moving in again and I have to make sure that I mentally prepare myself for it.

I just called my sister and she agreed to take me to the store later tonight.

I hate asking people for favors, because you always get the idea that you're imposing on them and asking them to do something very difficult for you. I would rather solve this problem on my own, but I don't know how. I'm now thinking that it's maybe easier to go to the store under the cover of dark than to wait for my sister to take me.

--------------------

I walked the dog and when I came back my sister was ready to take me to the store, so that was rather quick. It's wonderful to do your shopping in a car. I brought a laundry basket and my big shopping bag and everything fit in there and was easily carried into the apartment. What a difference from having to do it on your bike. It was nearly a painless operation, except for my sister who slammed a heavy door on her finger at work and it has turned black and blue and is very painful and throbbing and I bet she broke it. I told her she should probably have it splinted, but she thinks it's just bruised. I think she is in too much pain.

At least we have food in the house now for a while and I won't have to worry about it now. I was concerned about making it through the weekend.

My vitamin pills that were custom made for me arrived in the mail today. They fit through the mailbox slot, because they came in three boxes of 30 pills each. I only have to take one pill per day and I put one box with my other medicines so I will remember to take them and remember to order new ones on time. I think this is such a novel idea, to have individually made vitamin pills. I assume I'm going to notice some difference in my constitution somewhere after I've been taking these pills for a while and I'm curious as to what it will be. Maybe I'll have more energy and courage. Do vitamins B and D and iron give you courage?

Well, I'm going to get my pajamas on and have something to eat. Then I'm going to read some blogs, because I'm behind in that. Oh yes, I'm going to look in the mirror at my new hairdo. I almost forgot about that.

Have a good evening. Is it cold there too?

Ciao,
Nora

I went to bed in the wee hours of the morning, because, as usual, I had fallen asleep on the sofa in the evening and woken up at midnight. I spent some time answering emails and reading blogs. Jesker was very happily snoring on his blanket under the coffee table and I had not heard him do that in a while, so it was a good sound. It meant he was recuperating.

I was rudely awakened this morning by the mailman who had a package for me. I was wide awake after that and made myself a cup of coffee and turned the computer on to answer the next batch of emails. Jesker is still asleep and I haven't given him his medicines yet because of it. I should say, he is very busy sleeping, because it sounds like he is really making a job of it. He is sighing and snoring and grunting, which are just the kind of sounds I like to hear from him. I wouldn't tolerate them from anybody else, but when he makes them, I think it's great.

The package was a book sent to me through Bookmooch and I have now received 25 books. I'm not reading quickly enough to keep up with the incoming supply of them and I need to spend more time reading. I had planned to do that yesterday, but slept instead, which is not such a bad thing, but I'm reading a skinny little book now and I should be able to finish that today. I will make that one of my priorities. Jeez, that's really a tough task I set out for myself. I do have to make sure I set my goals very high.

The book was wrapped in bubble wrap and Toby has decided that it is great to lie down on. He is very happily purring on top of it, squeezing his eye shut repeatedly with the joy of it all. Gandhi is nowhere to be seen, but I'm sure she'll have her turn too. I'll have to leave it out now, for the weekend anyway, so I don't spoil the fun. I should get an empty box out and place that in the living room so they can amuse themselves with it. I'll have to look in the junk room and see what I can come up with. An empty paper bag would be fun too. How to amuse your cats in ten easy lessons!

In the meantime, I've given Jesker his medicines. The antibiotics wrapped in luncheon meats and the pain medication squirted into his mouth, with a slice of luncheon meat to follow for the bad flavor that I think it is. He doesn't seem to want to go out, though, and has gone straight back to sleep. I suppose he doesn't feel all that great yet and I shouldn't be too optimistic. I'm sure his advanced age counts too in how quickly he is going to recover. He was limping quite badly yesterday evening when we went out, I was worried about him making it home, but he was a trooper and carried on. I have to watch how far we walk, because he also has to have the strength to turn around and make it home again.

It's 11 degrees Celsius outside and there's a brisk wind blowing. That's 52 degrees Fahrenheit for you Americans. It's still warm inside the apartment, even though I have the top windows open. I think the neighbors are keeping me warm. I won't have to turn the heater on for a while and I'm going to postpone it as long as possible. I'll wear sweaters and socks instead. I do very much want to keep my energy bill down and not have any surprises at the end of the year when the final bill comes. I do so keep my fingers crossed for that.

I have to go now and do some useful things, such as water the plants and do the dishes. Getting dressed would be a good idea too, though I'd rather stay in my pajamas. I'm very comfortable and warm with my cozy cardigan over them.

Have a good day and enjoy your Saturday.

Ciao,
Nora

At the end of the day.

The day is drawing to an end. I'm already in my pajamas and my bathrobe and I've been drinking decaf for some hours now, so I'm suitable decaffeinated.

I just ate a big bowl of hot oatmeal and it was so good, it warmed my stomach and all my extremities. I feel like I've had the ultimate comfort food. I had forgotten that I had oatmeal in the cupboard and ran across it yesterday when I was looking for something soothing to eat. What a lucky find.

I've called up about my package and have now been told that it will be here on Tuesday. No explanation really on why it was taking so long and I'll believe it when I see it. I just helped vote this company into the best on line store of the Netherlands and now they are letting me down. They've grown to big for their britches. Isn't that always the way it goes?

I am being distracted by the television which for a change I have not turned off. There is a silly program on and I don't recommend typing a post and listening to a silly television program at the same time. No matter how hard you concentrate, you do get distracted.

There, I've turned the television off, because I don't need that kind of interference. I never do understand people who can blog and listen to music at the same time. I need complete silence when I try to write things down. I do like the sound of the clickety click of the keys on the keyboard. It makes me sound industrious.

It was cold today. There wasn't that much rain, but the wind whipped icy cold around you when you went outside. I want to take the Überhund for longer walks, but it's not the weather for it and he also chooses the short route. I can't wait for nice quiet weather that allows you to walk without a scarf bundled around your neck and wishing for a thicker jacket. The wind is always the culprit in the weather, because it makes the temperatures feel colder than they actually are and it seems that the wind is always blowing here. It's always an important element of the weather.

I've lived in the Netherlands for 15 years now and you'd think I'd be used to it by now, but I never get used to the cold of the winter season, and really, it's not that bad compared to the weather people get in the Midwest or in Canada where there is lots of snow and ice and winters last forever. We have nothing like that here, because we are in a temperate zone, but I sure don't like the cold and rain that we do get. I'm a springtime sort of person and I can't wait for April and May when the fun part of the year starts. I shouldn't complain though, because I know that some of you are still stuck in the snow and are waiting for that to thaw.

My day went well enough for a Saturday, because you all know that I really take the weekends off without the least bit of guilt. I do the minimum housework and let the apartment be as it is and try not to get excited about anything that really needs to happen. I figure those are the working day jobs.

I managed a nap on the sofa and that was very pleasant, but I needed it, because I felt it in my bones. A sudden weariness came over me and I laid down and was asleep within a few minutes. I leave the television on turned down low for company and I sleep right through it and then wake up to some program of which I don't have the least idea of what it is about. Very often it is a sports program and some team is performing an obscure sport in some part of the world that I've never heard of and we are not doing well. Sports programs do have to fill their time with sports, even if there is barely anything to cover.

After a refreshing nap, it is time for a good cup of coffee and some computer time, but first I have to bond with the Überhund who has been taking his nap beside me, while some cat has been laying on top of me. The Überhund lies on his back while I rub his belly and he purrs like a kitten, at least, that's what it sounds like to me. It's actually a series of low moans and snorts and sighs, all out of happiness and contentment. Oh, to be a dog and to be that happy.

Firefox opens up six tabs (I don't know the proper word in English) and I can see if there are any new posts or any new comments to the blogs I follow. They also take me to 6S and Facebook and Blogger dashboard and my own blog. If I'm very bored, I read my own old posts and am amazed at what I've written, because I have a bad memory and have forgotten a lot of those things already.

I never let on how bad my memory is. I cover it all up, but I know very often I don't get my facts straight. One thing I alwas forget is how close I am to someone. It's like I have to start every relationship over again from scratch every time, while only vaguely being aware of how close I already am to that person. If it weren't for the other person's efforts, I would remain a stranger to everybody. That's a very odd thing, isn't it? I've always thought that it was something autistic in me. I identify with some aspects of autism and have often wondered if I have some of it myself.

After that revelation, I think it's time for me to go to bed, although I'm not nearly sleepy, but it's late. I'll read until I fall asleep. I've got a new book called The Road Home by Rose Tremain and I think I'll start reading it tonight.

It's turned into a midnight ramble. Have a good sleep, everyone.

Ciao...

On Bushes and Trees.

Well, the weeds in the pot with the jasmine are growing really well, but it is with some degree of optimism that I convince myself that the jasmine is growing as well, though I do think that I see some new growth. It is getting watered very well anyway and not because I go out there with the watering can, but because it is raining again and the soil is soaked all the way through and draining very nicely through the hole in the bottom of the pot. I will be disappointed if it doesn't grow, because it was with some effort that I dug it out of the flowerbed out back, but I can easily walk to the nursery around the corner and buy a new plant and put it in instead if all else fails. It's just a matter of pride that it should grow and sprout very many green buds.

I am waiting to see new growth on my three alder berry trees. Nothing is happening there yet, they are as bare as three totem poles, but I know that before long they will sprout new branches and new leaves and have a big growth spurt, because they do this ever year. The first year I thought they had died, but now I know better.

And then there is that mysterious bush that grew up in the jasmine in the flowerbed. It is almost as tall as I am and I have no idea what it is, but for now I'm leaving it there and maybe this summer I'll figure out what it is by the shape of it's leaves. Maybe it isn't a bush but a tree, because it sure grew quickly.

I really appreciate these gifts of nature and am loath to take them out of the flowerbed. I assume the are meant to be there and that they are a present to me. I did have flowers in the flowerbed once, but I took them out when I realized that I didn't enjoy gardening anymore and that I didn't like the fussiness of taking care of plants. I did in another life, but now I like bushes and trees, so I am happy with what is growing out back.

The Golden Rain will be beautiful again this spring, as it always is. Before you know it, it is covered in yellow blossoms that are as magnificent as anything I've ever seen. There are two bushes of unknown origin growing beside it in that very narrow space. One has prickly thorns and is best avoided, but the other one is bright green and lush, though I've had to cut it back because it interfered with the washing on the clothes line.

I obviously need a book on all the native plants and trees that grow in Limburg. I am so ignorant of trees and bushes that grow here. I can only identify two or three trees and there's not a palm tree among them. That would have been easy. At least in California you had those and the shrubby oaks. And the endless rows of eucalyptus trees. Here you see many poplars planted along the highways as windbreakers and for you to have an accident with your car with. The elm trees really do get Dutch elm disease and have to be felled, which is a darn shame when there are many planted along a road.

It has stopped raining, but I'm waiting for my package and have to stay inside until noon and I hope it is not for naught. I'll check on the website in a little while and see to the state of affairs and make some phone calls.

I've been unable to walk the Überhund and so far he's being patient and has been out back once, but I don't know if that suffices. I think he really needs to be walked, but we can't go anywhere now. This is the first time that I am having a confusing situation with this mail order company. In the past everything has always gone spotless. It's very frustrating to have it run differently now.

Right, this was my treatise on bushes and trees. You will have guessed as much. I just felt like talking about that. I really care about my alder berry trees and, although they are growing in completely the wrong spot, I can't cut them down, so they will stay there forever.

Have a brilliant day, whatever the weather and don't let the rain get you down.

Ciao...

A barrel of fun.

The title is an out and out lie, because I didn't have a barrel of fun at all today. It was way to ordinary for that. No wait, it wasn't even an ordinary day. What am I saying? It was a screwed up sort of day, so I should have titled it, a barrel of screws.

I woke up way too late this morning. It was nearly ten o'clock when I got up. I couldn't believe my eyes. That meant I was going to miss creative therapy, because I need at least an hour and a half to get ready before I can leave the house in any sort of well put together way, because I don't only have to take care of myself, but of the animals as well and the Überhund does take his time with all of his rituals in the morning. As do I.

I decided not to rush around like an idiot and to skip creative therapy, even though that meant foregoing that fun work with the clay. Once I made that decision, though, I relaxed and drank many cups of coffee and woke up at my own speed while I checked my emails and wrote comments on blogs. It was a little bit like taking a mental health day from school, although I like my therapy classes much better than I ever liked going to school.

I was expecting a package from a mail order company and had to stick close to the apartment between noon and six, but after a while, when nobody showed up, I checked the website to see the state of affairs of my package and saw that it had not been sent yet. So I called the company and was told that it would maybe get here tomorrow morning. No guarantees, which is odd, because they have next day delivery and it has already been paid for. Frustrations abound.

Things like this throw me for a loop, because I could have gone to Specsavers and had my glasses done, but now I'll have to see if I can go tomorrow afternoon. I usually don't like it when things go differently than I had planned and I had already screwed them up myself by not going to creative therapy. That was purely my own fault, though. I should have set the alarm clock.

The Exfactor did come by early in the afternoon and stayed for about an hour and we had coffee and talked about the state of the economy and what the government was planning to do about it. Those bright lights! Don't get me started. I have my opinions and this is not the coalition government I voted for.

Anyway, then he left and I turned on the computer and amused myself with non consequential things, which is a good thing to do when you're trying to fill your discombobulated time. I don't want to have a day like this again soon, though. It was an absolute waste of time. If I had spent it laying in bed, it would have made the same difference. It goes to show you how important structure is. You're lost without it.

I've got to stop now, because I want to watch the news and do something else but sit here behind this darn computer all the time.

Have a good night, all of you.

Ciao...