A little stress?

It is possible that with the approach of autumn I've been feeling a little more stress lately. Needless to say that shows up in the posts I've been writing. I think there's been the undertone of just a bit of neurosis in them and the last thing I want to do is come across as a neurotic woman. That means that I have to regroup and get my act together. I have to practice a bit of mindfulness and not let my high strung emotions run away with me.

The best way to do that is to take deep breaths and slow down and stop and think about what I'm doing. To take inventory of myself and my feelings and how I want to react to them and what I should do instead of acting in a knee jerk fashion. I can't run around like a chicken with its head cut off, I do have more sense than that.

One thing I won't do anymore is go around making broad statements about myself. I will not say that I am something or other simply because I have decided that for a moment it is what I am most like. That's dangerous and putting myself in a box with a label in which I possibly don't belong. Besides, I don't want to put myself in a box with a label. That's too restrictive and doesn't describe all of the many facets which also make me who I am. So, broad statements are out. I won't pin myself down.

I have to be mindful of the shorter days and the way the light slants in the afternoon. It is autumn light and the stormy weather and the rain make it feel like autumn too. It's mostly the light, though, that makes the difference and I know it. I'm familiar with the color of the sunlight at the end of the day at this time of year and I'm familiar with the feelings of nostalgia and sadness that hit me. I think it's time to bring out the Bright Light Energy Lamp and to sit in front of it half an hour every day.

Anyway, I'm sitting here with my cup of coffee in the middle of the night. I woke up because Tyke was pestering Gandhi, but I think I would have woken up anyway because I always do. I don't really need an excuse for that. It has finally stopped storming, which it did all day yesterday well into the evening. There was a very strong wind, which rattled the bedroom window and pulled at the window shade. There is a clear sky outside and all is silent, which it usually has a tendency to be at night. If it were winter now, it would be snowing. That's how silent it is.

Tyke has finally settled down after initially thinking that exciting things were going to happen because I was up. We go through this every night and you would think that he would have caught on by now that nothing is going to happen. He's asleep on the sofa now and as innocent as a puppy, which in many ways he still is. Gandhi has settled down in the used paper box. I guess she figured that was the safest place to be away from Tyke who adores her too much. He's completely smitten with her.

My boots got here yesterday, but I haven't taken a photo of them yet, nor have I taken photos of Gandhi and Tyke. I will do that today if I think of it. The boots fit well and they are the right size. I can even wear thick socks with them this winter. I sprayed them with a protective layer immediately because they are suede and I spilled milk on them right away which I could wipe off easily.

I'm almost done using the coffee pads for the Senseo machine and will be putting the regular coffeemaker to use soon. I've got the filter coffee and put it in glass cannisters with tight lids to guard the freshness. The Senseo machine is a mess now and constantly leaks and is ready to be put to pasture. No amount of vinegar is going to save it. I'm surprised it hasn't completely come apart yet. I will never have another Senseo machine again considering the expense and the relatively short lifetime.

I've been wearing my short, black, leather jacket and I'm glad I've got it because the weather has been blustery. The wind has a cold edge to it and I think it's just a little bit too cold for just a cardigan. But that may just be me and I may be more susceptible to the cold, although I like the cool weather. I like dressing up for it and I'm glad I get to wear some clothes that I like and my black leather jacket is one of them. It's got handy pockets for when I take Tyke for a walk. I don't have to carry my keys and the baggies in my hands for lack of pockets.

I remember when I bought that jacket and I was so pleased with it. I thought it was going to be warm enough for winter, but that proved to be wrong. It's not warm enough when it gets real cold. I need my other leather jacket for that or even my thick suede coat with the furry liner. I've got this incredibly long, warm scarf now that I can wrap around my neck at least twice. That ought to keep me warm enough. I've also got my dress up scarves to wear when the weather gets cooler. I do want to buy some new gloves that are a little bit more fashionable and that match my scarf. The pairs I have now are the wrong color and outdated and not as thick as I would like.

You see, in my mind I'm getting ready for winter and it isn't even fall yet. I'm mentally preparing myself for it. I don't want to be caught unawares. I hope it's not going to be the same long hard winter we had last year, but I'm prepared for anything. But first I have to prepare myself for fall and its beautiful colors. I hope I have the energy to take Tyke for long walks and see the beauty of the changing colors of the trees. I wonder when that change is going to start?

I'm going to try and go back to sleep again. I should be good for a few more hours, though I really feel like staying up, but it's too early. I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

Have a good day when you get up.

Ciao,
Nora

Domesticity...

I was up for a while during the night, but I had enough sense to go back to bed when it was still early in the morning. I set the alarm clock for 10 am and woke up a little bit before that. I wanted to have time to go to the tobacco shop and to do a few chores. First I had to wake up properly and I took about 45 minutes to do that with a cup of coffee and some cigarettes. They weren't home made, so they didn't taste as good. I don't know what manufacturers put in ready made cigarettes, but it tastes like junk. Not at all like when you make your own cigarettes from plain tobacco, and they're expensive too. They're almost 3 times as expensive as home made.

I got dressed and took my wallet and a plastic bag and Tyke and some baggies. Off we went on our merry way. It wasn't too cold outside and the weather is supposed to be improving soon. When we got to the tobacco shop, Tyke tried to jump into the bin of candies, as usual, and I got my tobacco and filter tubes and some lighters. I must always have lighters. Tyke had the audacity to bark at someone he decided not to like, which happens rarely, and we left the shop at high gear. I needed two baggies, one on the way over there and one on the way back. Tyke always dawdles. He thinks he has to sniff at every bush and blade of grass. I am patient, but sometimes I just drag him along.

When I came home, I started making cigarettes and then the domestic help got here. A cat had killed a bird and brought it home and I had cleaned it up and disposed of the dead bird, but there were still some little feathers lying around. She didn't comment on those and just vacuumed them up. Domestic helpers ask no questions. They've learned not to be curious. For all she knew I had slaughtered Cornish game hen in there, but not a word came over her lips. She did say that the apartment looked tidy and I said that I'd done it myself. She saw in the workbook that nobody had been here on Friday, so she was surprised. Now she could see for herself that I'm really a neat person.

I may be a neat person, but I haven't got the laundry out of the washing machine yet. I may hang it up to dry outside, because no more rain is expected. The temperatures are supposed to get higher each day until it will be hot by the weekend. I don't know how I feel about that. I suppose I have mixed feelings. I am happy because of the sun, but I am less thrilled because of the heat. I am curious to see if I will be less tired. The sun has already come out this afternoon, although there are still big clouds in the sky. It's getting a little warmer inside too, which is good, because I was about to put another cardigan on and may still.

I had taken my medicines real early this morning, rather then taking them late when I would wake up at 10 am. Subsequently, I didn't take them again until 12:30 pm and the gap was too big, because I started to feel awful. I became neurotic and obsessive and I couldn't at first figure out what was wrong. I didn't think anything was wrong, but that the grievances in my head were legitimate and that I should act on them. I was making all sorts of plans to put them into action, but then as time went by, they started to disappear as snow for the sun and that was because my medication had started to work. Finally, there was nothing left of them and I felt silly for having had them and lucky for not having acted on them. You see how precarious this all is. Imagine what would happen if I accidentally missed a dose. I could get into deep sh*t.

By the way, does anybody know what that volcano in Iceland is doing? I never hear or read about it in the news anymore. I just heard another airplane fly over and it reminded me of it. It was so nice and quiet when air traffic was banned for a while. I sure miss those days. The airport is close by, so we have a lot of noise from landing and departing airplanes. It really irritates me and the airport is only going to get more busy as it becomes more international. It does have restricted hours, but you hear airplanes fly over from 6 am on. It can't be much fun for the people who really live close to it. That airport was not one of my grievances, by the way, but I wonder what happened to that volcano in Iceland. I suppose I could google it.

It's time to take Tyke for a walk. The poor thing must not be neglected. I'm trying to teach him that when Gandhi is sitting on my lap, she's not to be molested. Actually, I wish she never was, but she's partly the blame for that herself, because she does seek the danger and doesn't get out of the way on time. She's not mean enough to fight him properly like Toby does. Toby uses his claws.

I hope you're all having a good day and that you will have an equally good evening.

Ciao,
Nora