Done sleeping now.

I slept all morning and I just slept several hours on the sofa and I think I'm finally done sleeping now, because now I feel in a good mood and it is the first time today that I do. I tried to write a post earlier, but I was so depressed that I had to stop writing in case it became one big lament. I was just in need of sleep, except that I didn't realize it. I thought I had gotten all my sleep in the morning.

You see, not enough sleep always bothers me tremendously, but who's to say what is enough sleep in my case? It may have to be many hours before I've had enough. Whenever I don't feel that I'm in a very good mood, the first thing I ought to do is go back to sleep, but even I forget to do that, because I think I've already had enough. When I start feeling depressed, I ought to go to sleep and sleep for at least several hours before I wake up and feel in a good mood again.

That's why I think I'm not doing all that great right now and that's why I need so much sleep. It can possibly be because of the weather which has been gloomy. I claim it doesn't bother me, but maybe subconsciously it does. I always say that I like it when it is cool, but maybe these gray skies and little sunshine aren't so good for me. I don't know if you react to the weather that much and I would be curious to hear. Do you need to sleep as much?

It's been tough to motivate myself to get things done, but I did manage to do the dishes and do a load of laundry. I also went around and picked up handfuls of dog hair, because Tyke is shedding a bit. I cleaned up my desk and changed the bed last night and slept between clean sheets. I even went to the gas station at noontime and picked up cigarettes and a Mars candy bar. It was delicious. I almost never do that and Tyke was very sad that I didn't share it with him.

I have to clean the lower parts of the living room windows where the cats have been breathing on them in their effort to see what's happening in the street. Luckily, Tyke doesn't dirty them anymore. He can only stand on his hind legs to look through them. It's quite funny to see him standing there. He looks like a little person looking out the window and his head just sticks out above the windowsill. He can't breathe on the glass anymore.

I just took him for a walk and the sky is still very cloudy and gray. It looks like it is going to rain, but it doesn't and it's cold too. You need a cardigan and a jacket and I wear a scarf. I've also got leggings on and my boots. I was dressed for a day in March.

I'm going to get my pajamas on early and make myself comfortable. Oh yes, first I have to take out the trash and the green bin. I must not forget that. I have the need to sleep again, but I'm going to wait until it is a decent hour to go to bed. I do want to stick to some sort of normal schedule. Well, whatever counts for normal around here. I'm yawning something awful, though, and I'm sure that if I were to lie down on the sofa now, I would be sound asleep again in no time. So I better not go there.

Alright, so I better go and take out the trash and then put on my pajamas. I've got to make it cozy for myself.

Have a good evening, everyone.

Ciao,
Nora

Waiting for the finish...

My Monday domestic help is here and I think she is not pleased about having to clean the bedroom windows and woodwork. She doesn't seem very happy anyway. She's making it extra hard on herself by ignoring a very good cleaning product that I recommended and the glass cleaning product. She wants to be stubborn and do it her own way with an all purpose cleaner.

Oh, look at me, talking badly about my domestic help. That's not very mice. I mustn't do that and change my tune immediately. It's the result that counts in the end and I will praise her for that. If she wants to use more elbow grease, then that's up to her.

I'm expecting the Exfactor and really need to make a shopping list, but some things are already written down. They are mostly more cleaning products and vacuum cleaner bags. Those women do got through those things like crazy. Things that may last me a few months are gone in several weeks time. They prepare one bucket of suds after the other and spray cleaner and degreaser as if there is no end to it. I must say, though, that my apartment is very clean. I never got it that clean myself.

The Exfactor has gotten here in the meantime and has had a cup of coffee and has now gone to the store armed with my shopping list and my bank card. Before that, Tyke got a hold of his motorcycle glove and was chewing on it. It had been left in the wrong place. There was too much temptation. The Exfactor hit him over the head with it.

The domestic help has just left. She got the windows and the woodwork and the windowsill very clean and I praised and thanked her a lot. We were both pleased. It had been a tough job for her, I get the feeling. She'll have to do the same job in the spare bedroom next week. I must always remember to be appreciative of her, no matter how stubborn she is.

I got 5 hours of sleep this morning. It wasn't really enough, but I will catch up on the rest of it tonight. I didn't want to be caught asleep in bed by anyone, but as it turned out, I had lots of time to wake up and do a few chores and walk Tyke. It never did cool off in the apartment more, even though it was cool in the beginning of the day. Now the sun is shining again and the light is coming straight through the living room windows, warming up the place.

The Exfactor fixed the blind that I had broken. I had moved it and caused the cord not to work anymore. I couldn't pull the blind up, try as I might. I fiddled with it, but couldn't figure out how to fix it. I knew I didn't have the insight to repair it and that the Exfactor did and I was right. He repaired it in a few minutes and turned the blind over so the other side of it would show and did the same thing to the other blind. Now they hang free of the window and allow more of a draft to come through. Isn't he smart? He has more technical ability than I do. That's why he should have been an engineer. I kid you not.

Now he is gone again after he delivered the groceries and had one more cup of coffee. I'm all on my own again with Tyke and the cats. Toby is lying in the paper box and Gandhi is outside on the patio.

I can't wait for my high tops to get here, because my feet are very sore from my shoes, but I have to wear them. Of course, I could try on some sandals. That's what I'll try next. Maybe they will be more comfortable. I have tan lines on my feet from my shoes. That's how often I've worn them, with no regard to the health of my feet at all. I just ignore them and suffer. How silly of me.

I'm wearing a denim skirt and a silky black tank top with my black and red and purple scarf. I do like the feel of the scarf around my neck, it gives me a sense of security, like a kid with its blanket that it carries around. I did find my denim mini skirt. It was in the closet right where it was supposed to be in the stack of skirts. I must have been blind when I looked before. I think I was looking for a different color denim and just didn't see it, it didn't register. So, that mystery is solved. Well, there was no mystery, actually.

I've just had my last cup of coffee. One thing I mustn't do is drink any more coffee now. I'm pretty sure that's what kept me awake last night. I must stick to juice and milk tonight. The Exfactor got me some multivitamin berry juice and it looks very appetizing. No doubt it will taste great. My mouth is already watering for it. I do have to get my vitamins in and stay as healthy as possible. Sometimes I get a shortage of them.

No doubt I will be writing another post in no time at all. I seem to be a bit addicted to blogging right now. This in spite of the fact that I do turn the computer off as much as possible and do get other things done. It is a temporary addiction, possibly, maybe because I'm a bit hyper and high strung. I'm not going to worry about it. I don't think I'm in any sort of trouble. I just need to drink less coffee and more milk. Warm milk, preferably, and I'm going to take a tranquilizer in just a minute. Just one to slow me down a bit.

Have a terrific rest of the Monday. I have to take my medicines and walk Tyke again.

Ciao,
Nora

A fool for love...

Well, I'm not a fool for love, necessarily, unless you count my love for writing posts. I write so many posts that people don't get the opportunity to comment on them. So, please go to this post for the latest news on the visit with my psychiatrist.

I was planning on going to bed early tonight, but then I couldn't find that email address of that person I was talking about earlier, so I looked through all my older comments until I found one by her and got her email address that way. It was a lot of work and it kept getting later and pretty soon I was past that crucial time of going to sleep. I had stopped yawning and was wide awake again, but it is my experience that writing a post at this time of the night is sleep inducing and that very often I don't even have to finish it before I'm ready to go to bed and can just delete it. Probably that will be the case tonight too.

It was strange to go through those old comments. Of course, I didn't stop and read every one of them, I was just looking for a name, but every once in a while one caught my attention and I read it and was reminded of what it was in reaction to and what I noticed the most is that I went through an awful lot of ups and downs and that they followed each other rapidly. One moment I was okay and the next moment I wasn't. I see now how totally unacceptable that was and how it never should have happened, but how could it have been stopped? I was rapid cycling constantly, it seemed, and somehow I kept on functioning as if that was normal. Well, except for the infamous suicide attempt. I certainly don't want that to happen anymore and expect my moods to be regular now and steady.

I had my 4th cup of coffee, but didn't finish it all. I wish I could find a good decaf and I would drink that instead. I'm going to have to look around at what's available and see if there's a good brand of decaf. Even if it is expensive, it would be worth the money. I like the taste of a cup of Senseo and could easily be fooled by a good cup of decaf. To me that would taste like the real thing and be just as satisfying.

I had momentarily lost my dog and didn't realize he was lying under the desk. I didn't see him anywhere. He is sound asleep and so quiet. When I don't see him, I get a little feeling of panic as I think an accident has befallen him and he is lying somewhere injured, because he's always getting into things. Usually I think he has choked to death on something he has tried to eat that was not edible. It's just like having a toddler in the house. He swallows everything that he thinks is small enough. I just hope it all comes out at the other end. I don't care to look for it specifically to see if it did.

Gandhi is playing it safe and has just about taken up permanent residence on the dining table. Right she is. That pesky dog can't bother her there. She's lying on the open phone book now that I needed yesterday and left out for her, as she seems to think it is comfortable. Anything to accomodate a cat, really.

The cats like their kibbles better from the ceramic bowl than they did from the metal dishes and also prefer their water from a ceramic bowl and it has to be as fresh as possible. That's why I set it in the sink, so new water can be added all the time. Toby still likes water straight from the faucet and Gandhi still prefers cold milk. Don't you love cats that come with an instruction booklet? It makes life interesting. Tyke eats his food from a ceramic dish and drinks his water from a metal bowl and it needs to be refreshed every day at least once. It's a big bowl for a little dog.

I'm sufficiently yawning now, no doubt induced by writing this post, although I hope that reading it will not have the same effect on you. If so, please go to the other more interesting post, or the one before that. Take your pick. I will go put on my PJs now and take my medicines and sit here until I get really drowsy, until I fall of my chair. I'll probably curl up next to Tyke under the desk.

Sleep tight!

Ciao,
Nora

Saturday morning...

I seem to be averaging about 7.5 hours of sleep a night now and when I wake up, I feel good and not groggy and confused and in need of lots of coffee to get my act together. I'm pretty perky and ready to cuddle Tyke at first sight. He gets into bed with me and thinks we're going to settle down for some more sleep. I only leave him under that illusion for a short time.

The only thing I don't like, is that I have to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I have no idea what time it is, because of no functioning alarm clock, so I have to go into the living room to see what time it is. I'm trying to replace the battery in one of my watches now, but I can't get the back off, which is very frustrating and which I hope the Exfactor will do for me when he gets here this morning. I'm sure there's a trick to it that I don't know about. At least that way I will know what time it is in the middle of the night, but I do need to get a new alarm clock, unless I keep waking up a 5:30 am.

So, I get up and first I feed Tyke and the cats and give them their milk, and then I make myself a cup of coffee. Like a regular human being who functions normally from the moment she gets up. It's nice to know that this is possible too. Sleeping 12 hours and waking up from a comatose situation wasn't all that great either. It took me so long to get my brain in functioning order.

That was sleeping like a teenager does and you can't talk to them when they get up after sleeping so long. I know I was not coherent when I was a teenager and I got up in the weekends, called out of bed by my mother to come partake of our communal coffee hour. My mother could not comprehend that I was not able to have a conversation. She expected us to say "Goodmorning" in our most cheerful voices. I grunted in my pajamas. "Don't mumble so," she would say and I grunted, "Goodmorning," in a foul mood.

The Exfactor was here and didn't know how to get the back off the watch either, but knows of a cheap place where they can and is going to take it there for me next week. He is a handy man to have around to do these kinds of jobs for me. It means again that I don't have to go downtown to take care of it. I still do have to get a new watchband for my other watch, but there's no real rush. I can do that when I am back to my old self and casually ride my bike into town.

Oh, I rode my bike to my SPN's office yesterday, It had been many months since I had been on it and it took me a while to get used to it. I kept wanting to ride it into the gutter and over debris in the road and over the sidewalk. That was on the way over there. I did much better on the way back, because I sang a song to myself, as my SPN had suggested I do, and that way I was more relaxed. It's just a matter of getting used to it again and feeling comfortable with it, like riding a car, which you never forget how. I could get in a car now and drive away with it comfortably, although I have not driven one for 16 years. It would have to be an automatic, though, I would have a little bit more problems with a stick shift.

I just cleaned the Senseo coffee maker with a bottle of vinear. It had been so long since I had done it, that it only gave 3/4 of a cup instead of a full one and it made a lot of protesting noises while it did so. It moaned and groaned and grumbled and sounded like it was going to fall apart in 20 different pieces. It has stopped making those noises now and is making full cups of coffee again. It's no longer dangerous to stand in the vicinity of it.

Allez, I have to pay bills. I think my money is in the bank now and I have to pay the vet bill amongst other things. Then I have to go to the tobacconist because I'm not sure I'm going to make it through the weekend with my supply. It's drizzling outside and 14C, so that's not too bad, but not warm enough to turn off the heater and open the windows. It's very comfortable in here now. I don't like being stoic and cold.

Have a nice day!

Ciao,
Nora