All finished with that now...

I'm all done seeing the world through rose colored glasses like I did so naively yesterday. I've come down from cloud number nine and landed back on earth again. Here I am sat solidly in my desk chair with a cup of coffee and a cigarette because, yes, I've started smoking again. That isn't such a strange thing with the whole gamma of emotions I was running through these past 24 hours. I've been high and low and now I think I'm somewhere in between, but defintely not up there with the angels anymore.

The tentative plan is that my older sister M. is going to come and stay with me in a few weeks time. For this purpose, the spare bedroom is being cleaned out and all the junk wiill be disposed of. As a last grand gesture to my hypo-mania, I ordered a new bed and a chest of drawers on line to furnish that bedroom with. This is instead of trying to find something in the recycle store which I was beginning to have more and more doubts about. I do these things quite spontaneously and maybe to my detriment. Common sense comes later.

I hope I'm done being hypo-manic for this season. I've certainly been like a ping pong ball enough. I've bounced all over the place. It is normal for this time of year, but it always takes me by surprise. It's not all that awful to feel on top of the world, but it's not a constant feeling and it can get out of hand. More than anything, it's exhausting. I'm more than ready to be my version of what I consider normal. That's what I'm familiar and comfortable with. It's a hugely more predictable me. 

Today is a cold day and I've got my bathrobe on over my clothes and the heater on. It's gray and overcast outside and we even had a shower. I really don't mind this weather as long as I'm warm enough, but it is in sharp contrast to how it was yesterday. Luckily, I don't have to go anywhere this weekend so I can hibernate and the dog will have to do his last piddles out back. I'm not planning on going outside again. I do love him, but I don't love him that much.

One thing is for sure. I'm incredibly dull when I'm my low key usual self. It's difficult to get me excited. That's nice for me, but it may be different for you if you want to read a super interesting post. 

Ciao,

Irene

Sensibility...

It's about time I write something sensible here, although I'm not sure I'm capable of it. I'm in a good enough mood, that's not the problem. I just may be short of sensible things to write about. I will have to delve deep within myself and see if I can come up with something. If not, this will turn out to be a lot of nonsense. That may have its attractions also, of course. We will see. 

Yesterday I had on a pair of nice lacy leggings that didn't have tight enough elastic in them. Any time I did any sort of walking, the leggings almost ended up on my knees. I kept having to hitch them up in a very unladylike fashion. That looked ridiculous, of course. I couldn't really go out in them, although they looked nice when they were up. I've got to tighten the elastic in them today or throw them out and they are new too. So much for the mishaps. 

Other than that it was an ordinary sort of dull day. It rained on and off, but I didn't mind that one bit. It fit my mood, which was sort of one in which I wanted to hibernate and do cozy things like sit in my armchair and contemplate my navel. The dog decided otherwise and wanted me to concentrate on him and the tennis ball instead. So I tossed it a lot at the danger of hitting fragile pieces of wall decorations. All went well except for how often I had to retrieve the ball out from underneath the sofa.

I had on a mini dress and felt like a young woman. I decided not to look in the mirror to shatter the illusion. It's best not to see your own reflection when you think you look especially good. I'm very good at avoiding looking in mirrors. I just refuse to acknowledge their existence and pretend they are not there. It's best to live in denial and not to be aware of your less pretty bits. They don't need close scrutiny. A glimpse from the distance every so often is more than enough. That's one way to deal with vanity. 

Today threatens to be another dull day that I will have to give meaning to to the best of my abilities. I'm sure I will pull it off like I always do, one way or the other. I do somehow find satisfaction in my own company providing I'm in a good mood and I've had enough sleep. I don't think I'll have to worry about that today. I'm going back to bed as soon as I'm done writing this and I will try to sleep late. That's the best way to get through the dull morning when there's nothing to do. I prefer the afternoons when the sun shines through the living room windows. 

I'm drinking a glass of ice cold milk and, besides freezing my brain, it will hopefully also make me very cheerful. Cold milk does have the tendency to do that. It's also making me burp, but those are the usual sound effects.

I should go back to bed now. The duvet is calling my name. I'm taking my medicines first. It is that time of the morning again. I hope you'll all have a good day. 

Ciao,

Nora

Weekends...

Much as I may have claimed otherwise in the past, I think I don't like weekends anymore. I think I'm finding out that they are really too dull. Today I experienced as a rather unexciting and long lasting day with not much interesting happening in it. And it seemed to take forever to get over and done with too. But I already said that.

True, there were cultural programs on TV in the morning and they redeemed the day to some extend. And the Exfactor came over to drink coffee and do some groceries for me, so I did have some distraction. But the rest of the day collapsed like a soufflé and I hardly knew what to do with it. There wasn't much shine to it despite the everlasting sunshine.

I may have been a very dull person myself today and have been incapable of thinking of anything exciting to do with my time. That's very possible. I normally don't need to be entertained to enjoy my time. I'm satisfied very quickly and am happy if I can be peacefully and quietly occupied with hardly anything at all. I could look for the cause inside myself. 

But outside it was dull also. There hardly were any people out there and the world seemed like an abandoned place. I don't know where everyone went, unless they all went to the beach on this first day of October when it was such beautiful weather.

Whichever is true, I have to make sure that I don't have another day like it tomorrow because now I feel like I've completely wasted the day. At least I could have contemplated my navel and I didn't even do that. I didn't live in the moment and took no proactive role in my life. I let the day slowly slip away from me without putting a stop to it. I didn't do any mindful living.

Aren't I hard on myself? I did get dressed and walk the dog and eat when it was time. I took my medicines and a nap. I was dutiful. I guess I want to be more than that.

Now I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee, but I'm about to go to bed with a glass of milk. I'm looking forward to it very much. I'm going to fluff up my pillows and lay me down to sleep gently. If all goes well, I should sleep until the morning. 

Have a good night.

Ciao,

Nora