Normalization.

This morning I slept until the alarm clock woke me at 7 am, even though I had gone to sleep early the night before. I woke up a few times during the night, but managed to go back to sleep immediately every time. I wasn't in the best of moods when I got up and almost talked myself out of going to creative therapy, but then I thought that was a foolish idea, because I needed to get out of the house and be out amongst people.

So, I had my cup of coffee and found some clothes to wear, which was really a search for the right clothes, because the weather looked kind of dubious, and then I walked Jesker. It was wonderfully cool outside, just the temperature I liked and I was wearing the right clothes. I didn't need a jacket, yet it was overcast and looked like it was going to rain.

Once home again, I took my medicines and made cigarettes and drank a cold glass of juice, because I'm always so thirsty in the morning. I have myself a nice moment at the dining table before I am off to therapy and I sit and drink my juice and smoke a cigarette and stare out the window at people leaving to go to their work. I am the silent observer of what goes on in the street and I see a lot of things, like a Belgian car that is parked by the side of the road and a guy rides by on his bicycle and drops a package in the open window of the car. Aha, a drug deal. It happens regularly.

Then I went off on my bike to the clinic and I still did not have the right attitude. Once there, I made myself an espresso and sat on one of the benches out on the deck. Slowly people trickled in and got their coffees. Some were enthused and some were not. Sometimes people just have a bad day. Like me.

Until the coffee break at 10:30, I did very little work. I doodled a little, but my heart wasn't in it. I was so completely unenthusiastic about being there and about doing any work and I did not have the least bit of inspiration. Mostly I sat and watched other people work and drank coffee and ate cookies. I was glad when it was break time and I could sit out on the deck again and I stayed out there for a long time, 20 minutes past the time I was supposed to be back, but by that time I felt a lot better and had some inspiration and could actually draw something that looked halfway decent.

When it was time to go home, I was ready to tackle the rest of the day and things didn't seem so dire anymore. My mood was improving and I could actually start to enjoy myself.

Jesker was happy to see me and wanted a belly rub, but the cats kept getting in the way, much to his dismay. I fed him the last broken pieces of Bonzo bones, which made him very happy and took him for a walk. Then I mad a shopping list and prayed that there was money in the bank, because I didn't check and took the books with me that I had to mail for Bookmooch.

There was a long line at the little post office and it seemed that everyone had to do something complicated. The poor woman behind the counter didn't get flustered one bit though. She kept her cool and calmly helped each customer. When she added up how much I had to pay for shipping my books. I nearly had a heart attack, but I am getting double the amount of books back and I won't be shipping any big books anymore. It's no wonder the Americans only want to ship inside their own country.

Then I had to do the grocery shopping and stow all of that in my bags and the bag on my handlebars and go to the pharmacy where I had to pick up 3 kinds of medicines, one of which the prescribing psychiatrist of that day had gotten wrong. Luckily, they know me at the pharmacy well enough that they gave me the right medicines with the promise that I would arrange the right prescription for them. It's always something with the medication, unless my own psychiatrist prescribes, but he is on vacation.

Boy, it is hard to maneuver your bike through all the traffic when you are loaded down with groceries and you have to cross two busy streets and manage two bike paths. It is asking for an accident. I didn't have one, but that was sheer luck. Okay, and a little careful planning on my part, but I cut it close a few times.

Now I am extremely tired and I need to go to bed. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I should have left this job for tomorrow morning, but I didn't think I would tire that quickly.

Have a good night, everyone, sleep tight.

Ciao...