Sunday, August 23, 2009
I must be in the eye of the storm that you always hear about on television when they talk about hurricanes. The eye of the storm where absolute calm reigns and not a leaf flutters nor a rain drop splatters down. Absolute and total serenity so silent that you can literally, in your own mind, hear a pin drop. That's how quiet it is in my head and it has been all day and it is a mystery to me. It is so mysterious to me, that I am suspicious of it and I am waiting for the back end of the storm to hit me. Yesterday I had a crazy day and I climbed and descended the "crazy scale." Now, today, out of the blue, I am hit by serenity and I can't figure out why.
I am not joking when I say that it feels like I have taken a bunch of tranquilizers, because I haven't since that overdose. That's 4 days ago and I guess that most of that stuff is out of my system now. Yet I feel sedated as if I'm under the influence of something very calming. My mind feels like it is supposed to feel. At rest and not all worked up. Not all f***ed up.
I haven't done a bloody thing all day, but walked the dog and picked at my toenails, yet somehow the hours have gone by painlessly and now the afternoon is drawing to an end. It's very easy to not do a bloody thing. All you have to do is pour yourself a big glass of juice and park your rear end in a comfortable chair and light a cigarette and let your mind come to a halt. Just live in the absolute moment and don't think about the past or the future, nor about the minute that has gone by or the minute that is about to happen. Just don't think about it. Pretend it all doesn't exist.
When you're done doing that, visit blogs and amuse yourself with other people's ideas and photos and admire their writing skills and photographing techniques. Then make yourself a big mug of coffee and have a good seat and check your legs for varicose veins, which to your great relief you don't have yet and pet the dog and think about nothing important at all. After all, you can't be solving the world's problems all day long every day. Even God has a day of rest.
That's it, of course, I'm just having a day of rest, because it's Sunday. Why didn't I think of that before? Those church bells this morning must have put me in the proper mood. Imagine that! All you have to do is ring some bells and everybody gets serene, just like Pavlov's dogs. Well, they expected to eat, but we get serenity, that's a good deal, isn't it? I suggest more church bells rung regularly. Or men calling from mosque towers, if that's what it takes. I guess that one doesn't work, does it? Oops!
A muezzin. That's what a man calling from a mosque tower is called. I just looked it up and he calls from a minaret. That one is easy, but I'll forget what that man is called. It would help if I heard a Muslim pronounce that word. There are lots of Muslims living in the neighborhood next to mine and their children go to school at the end of my street, so I see the mothers all the time. They also have their little stores in the shopping street nearby and they have their own butcher and baker and vegetable man. You can buy those great big round breads that I've never tasted, but that look so appealing. And the vegetables and fruits are always very good, better than in the supermarket. There's also a Moroccan tea house, where only the men go to drink tea and a kebab place, of course. This all gives the street a special flavor.
Jesker just ate his dinner. When I asked him if he wanted to eat, and I showed him the can, he started to bark very hard. I like that when he does that. It shows that he has some spirit left in him and he makes himself very clear. He didn't use to do that, bark like that when he wanted to eat and make it clear to me. It is something he started to do this year when it became just the two of us and we learned to communicate better. He definitely is a one person dog. He gets too confused when there are two people and they don't draw one line. He gets too addled about who is the top dog.
Well, I've got to walk him now, so I must end this exercise in serenity and peacefulness. It is almost evening and that has its charms too. I will get busy and act like someone who gives a hoot lives here. It's not too late yet.