Saturday, August 22, 2009
Post number 450.
I want to make sure that I'm wide awake and conscious when I write this post, since it is a little bit of an important one. It isn't quite 500, but I won't wait for that one. God only knows what I'll be doing by that time and I may forget altogether. Maybe I won't even be around for it. Ha ha. You've got to have a sense of humor when dealing with the lugubrious. The Swiss Clinic charges thousands of Euros for an assisted suicide and it is apparent that I don't have that kind of money. It's a real money making racket. There's nothing much humane about it. The vet could make a lot of money if he did it as a side business. Just hop on the scale and we'll see how much of this we need for you.
So, you see, the thought has not left my head yet. I've just eliminated one way to do it. In my mind I'm still preoccupied with it and I think of all sorts of possible schemes. I must have at least one way out, because that will make me feel much more secure. It will be my ticket out when all else fails. There is an Association for Voluntary Euthanasia that I can contact. That will be my next move. They send out literature and other helpful hints.
Wait! Stop! I am first going to give my SPN and my psychiatrist and the therapist at the clinic a chance to help me make something meaningful of my life. I am going to give that an honest chance, even though I don't really believe it right now. I will act like I believe it and in the process maybe come to believe it. I do owe them a fair chance, though, and maybe I owe myself a fair chance also.
Wait, I have to see a man about a horse.
Ah, that feels a lot better! I felt I was arguing for the sake of the argument and I had to get rid of some of the tension before I could continue to write like an ordinary human being. I think it is better if I don't discuss life threatening options anymore. As a matter of fact, I apologize for it. They are not very upbeat subjects to talk about and before you know it, I have convinced myself that I ought to do it for the sake of the argument and not for the real reason. So, I vote that we don't talk about it anymore, at least I won't. If you have anything to add, then be my guest.
It's awfully hot and humid here and I'm wearing the least amount of clothes allowable. It's the hottest day of the year, but luckily, tomorrow the temperature is going way down for a day and we may get some rain, but they are always promising that and we hardly ever see any.
Did I tell you that the Exfactor was here again yesterday and walked the dog and did the rest of the groceries? That's two days in a row that he's helped me and he called me this morning to see if I could make it on my own. Yesterday I couldn't, but today I can. I'm not jumping hurdles, but then again, I never do. My sister called me this morning to check on me, because she had a feeling that I was not okay, so I told her the truth and she took it well, better than I would have assumed. She didn't preach at all, but was full of understanding.
I'll be glad when this weekend is over. I'm not in the mood for it. I'm not in the mood for being on my own with my own thoughts. That means I'll blog a lot. You'll see me around.