Thursday, August 06, 2009

Another new day.


Always when I'm in the process of waking up, I like to start writing a new post. I'm a bit slow at first getting started and not quite having my act together, but after a while it gets easier and I manage to be coherent and make sensible sentences. I don't know if I've quite reached that point yet now. I'm still yawning an awful lot and I think I need another cup of coffee before I'm capable of making complete sense. It is impressive, though, how I'm willing to write a post without enough caffeine in my body and without being properly clearheaded. It goes to show you that the story about coffee and functioning well is just a myth and that a person is capable of doing it on a minimum amount, because I haven't even finished my first cup yet...

...now I have my second cup and I will start drinking it shortly, as soon as it has reached the right temperature. A transformation has taken place, though, since writing that first paragraph and I am now truly awake. Writing those sentences has got my brain functioning properly. Maybe that's all it takes in the morning to wake up, a short writing exercise and a cup of tea instead of liters of coffee. Well, I'm exaggerating, but you get my drift. Of course, I would have to be willing to give up my morning cup of coffee and I don't know if I could do that. I'd miss the first one, at least...

...Jesker has had his bowl of food after bothering me for a long time and me not paying attention to him properly. I was so preoccupied with writing this that I was ignoring his attempts at getting my attention. It turned out that he wanted to eat, which is unusual so early in the morning, but he ate the whole thing. He is now laying on his blanket, sound asleep and happy with a full stomach. I have opened up the back door so he can let himself out if he needs to. I am still sitting here in my bathrobe being cozy and not nearly ready to go out...

...I am trying to ignore the little waves of despair that wash over me and I'm pushing them away, trying to stay in the moment and not thinking ahead of time to the rest of the day. If I just stay in the here and now, I should be able to manage...

...I think every time that I am sleepy, I should go to sleep, no matter what time of the day it is. I can't worry about the chores now and if they get done. They will get done when I feel better. I sleep at night no matter how much I sleep during the day. All it takes are my sleeping pill and my tranquilizers. I feel so tired anyway, I will fall asleep without them too. I may just not sleep as long. It's like an illness, this sleepiness, this exhaustion...

...Chin up, woman, don't let it get to you. Keep being strong. All those pills must do something. Don't lose faith now. Try to look at the bright side...

...I think I will go lie down for a while now. Maybe sleep some more. That always seems to help...

Ciao...

6 comments:

Maggie May said...

I am sorry that you are feeling these waves of despair, Irene.
Maybe you just have to go with the feeling of sleepiness and hope that your body knows what is good for you & what it needs. Give in to it. You might wake up really refreshed.
Don't forget to see a doctor if you really need help though.
Hope it passes soon....... X

Frances said...

I agree with Maggie May. Speak to someone while the mood is manageable.
hugs

softinthehead said...

Morning Irene, I agree - I have my morning routine too to wake me up, a nice cup (or two) of tea and my daily read of all my blogs ( of which you are always one, even if I don't always comment). I hope you wake up refreshed and ready to face the day :)

Maureen said...

Yes, hope the nap did some good. Perhaps a brisk walk and some fresh air and sunshine will help too. Have a great day and take care.

John said...

You are special...my best.

I so wish I could have a cold stiff Dutch beer in the outdoor cafe.

Gail said...

"waves if despair" I like that phrase. I have felt it, too. Maybe you should just go swimming in those waves and keep your head above water and conquer them.