Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Rained on finally...
I've done several rounds of sets of three chores and I am just about whipped. I still have to do the dishes and wash a load of laundry. The washing on the clothing line got wet in this early morning's rain, so it is drying now and I will dry the next load on the rack in the bathroom, because it looks like there is more rain coming. What a fool I am, the laundry outside will get wet again, unless I get it in very quickly. I will do that. It's just dishtowels and washcloths. I can rip those off the line in three seconds flat. Send those clothespins flying.
It sure cooled off outside. The dog and I were able to make two longer walks already and he wasn't so awfully out of breath, but I do see his limit of comfort and know what his distance is now. The first thing in the morning we can go a little further than the rest of the day. His legs sometimes do tremble after a lot of exercise and I think we don't want to get to that point too much. He will keep going as long as I go, he is that loyal, but I have to make the decision to stop ahead of time, before we have gone too far.
Things smelled very good outside this morning. A lot of trees and bushes are blooming and the combined smells, because of the rain, were heady. It was almost as if I was walking out in the countryside, that's how strong the different perfumes were.
People's gardens are packed with blossoming things and I really payed attention today. I saw some very large spiders that had spun their webs in strategic places and I made sure I didn't walk into one of them, imagining a large spider then crawling over my body and into my hair. I do have a fear of that. I think they'll get stuck in the hairspray which I apply so deliberately. Not for catching spiders, of course!
It seems there are many old fashioned blossoming plants in those gardens. Plants that have been around forever. That you would have seen in cottage gardens and very many smaller trees and taller bushes that would have fit in there as well. The trend is not to pick or cut the dead blooms off the plant, but to let it go to seed. There must be a reason for that, that I'm trying to figure out, but it must be with the plant's natural growing seasons in mind. It must be healthier for the plant to let it go to seed this way.
It does make the walks very enjoyable and I like the part by the older gardens the best, although the new gardens are well established and have tall things growing in them as well.
I had an appointment with my SPN this morning and I have to tell you that the title is too little for her, because she is an out and out therapist, as well qualified as anybody to help the most complicated people, and I know, because I'm one of them. At the same time, it is possible that all SPN's are this well qualified and that the title is just right. I don't want to belittle any SPN.
We had a good, productive appointment and I feel I'm on the right track, analytically speaking. I'm making sense and she's making sense and together we have a clear dialog. We're talking about the same things and each of us understands the other.
This is the third day now that my head is on straight and that I wake up clear minded and even mooded. Any little feeling of panic or fear or discomfort is immediately recognized for what it is and dealt with. It is not allowed to get out of hand or to build up into something bigger. I recognize myself for what I am and who's in charge. It helps a lot.
I'm still not going through withdrawal symptoms from going without the tranquilizers and I don't know if I will now. It's been 6 days since I took the overdose and I assume that all of it is out of my system now and I have had no physical or mental problems like headaches or trembling or breaking out in sweats and having anxiety attacks and all those kinds of things. I may be lucky and get no such symptoms. I am just assuming that I won't and I think that's the best attitude, although I'm prepared in case it happens. I will call my psychiatrist if I do get symptoms and ask him for help, but I hope it won't be necessary.
I just had to make a run for it and get the laundry inside, because it started raining again. It's so lovely, though, and so refreshing, and all the dust is settling down and all that is green is greener and brighter. I like it very much and in a little while, I'm going to take a chair and sit by the open back door and watch it rain.
In California, the kids and I always went for walks in the rain in the rainy seasons and enjoyed getting wet in the relatively warm temperatures. We were so happy when it rained and didn't even have proper rain gear. We just wore whatever and got soaked and our backyard flooded and we waded around in it, until we opened the gate in the fence and all the water flooded past the side of the house into the street. That was quite a spectacle. Never underestimate the thrills of the effects of weather.
Well, I guess I'll go do another set of chores. The last little bit of them for today. Tomorrow I have ergo therapy and the Exfactor is coming over in the afternoon and I have to do the groceries, so it will be a busy day. I can move the seat of my bicycle around with just one hand. I think it needs to be tightened.
Have a very good day!