Saturday, August 29, 2009

How could I?


The most important thing I did today, was take a nap on the sofa and it was quite unplanned, but came about spontaneous after I ate my lunch and felt very full and decided that where I was sitting was actually a very good place to quickly lie down for a bit. That bit turned into almost 3 hours, as I slept as if I had no sleep during the night.

Luckily, I had walked the dog not too long before that and he napped beside me, so what a pair we made. A cat briefly slept on top of me, but then thought better of it and moved someplace else. Probably my ribs were to pointy, though there is some meat and fat on them and I think it's not such a bad place to lie down for a cat. You can't twist about matters like this and certainly not with a cat, it would be different if it were a dog, I would be more peeved and take it personally, but there you have it.

I woke up and wasn't in the least discombobulated. I just had some coffee and then did the dishes, but I didn't sweep the kitchen floor, which I think could be a great failing on my part and almost can't be forgiven, because it's such a little floor. I thought, "Yeah, and then I'll feel compelled to do the living room floor also, and the hallway floor, etc." So, that's why I didn't do it and also because I live here by myself and I decide these things on my own and I don't have to apologize to anyone, least of all the animals that made it so. Hairy and dusty, that is.

So in the end, I'm left without guilt and the laundry still in the washing machine, so I have to hang that up in a minute, but I have walked the dog again, the long way around, and it felt like it was Fall outside. The sun light is already changing in the late afternoon and it gets dark earlier in the evening. The wind is still stormy and the clouds are still racing through the sky. I would wish for it to rain now, but instead the church bells have started ringing again, meaning it is the evening before Sunday and we must become holy. All things must be sanctified.

Jesker is panting very much and can't find a comfortable spot to lie down. It is hot again inside the apartment from the sun shining through the windows, which is highly unpleasant. I am sweating as I sit here and I don't think it's a hot flash. I'm sure I don't have quite as many as that.

I'm amazed at what a solitary human being I've become and I wonder when that happened. When I came back to this country, I moved to a town where I only knew my sister, so that was not a good idea. Next, I only got to know people who were involved in psychiatry for some reason, so my world was very limited. I've hardly made any friends and I find myself holding off the boat, as if I'm scared to get too close to anyone, although I do have two good friends and they are loyal to me and special people.

I think I am a friendly, but stand offish kind of woman. I don't get close easily to anyone. There is always a huge hesitation to come nearer to anyone and I wait for the other person to make the most moves. I know people and am friendly with them, but I don't get closer and if I get intimate with someone, it is with a person who has trouble with that and who will not let me in more than a certain distance.

I'm not someone to get on intimate terms with my neighbors. I do want to keep that from happening. I'd hate to have them over for coffee and have them drop in unexpectedly. I care for my privacy too much for that. I'd like nobody to come in without calling first, but I think that counts for most people, doesn't it? You have to live with them at close quarters and it's no good getting too much involved, except for on a semi-friendly basis and you don't choose your neighbors.

One woman I'm friends with, lives a very sedentary life and can't do anything spontaneous. Everything has to be planned well ahead of time and then just as easily gets canceled. I have to make it a point to pin her down in the future and to not let her escape. She doesn't live so very far away from me and we could meet and have a pleasant time together doing my favorite activity, which is to sit in an outdoor café. Who doesn't like that? I must do that.

I'm sitting here in my tank top and the sun has finally stopped shining on the windows and it is cooling down a bit, thank goodness. You really can have too much sun. There really is such a thing as too much of something. That reminds me that the plants have had too much sun too and that they need watering. I'll easily empty two watering cans on them, but that includes the fig plant. That's what I always call it, but I have no idea if that's what it is. It's for lack of knowing the proper name.

Alright, I'll go do that and hang up the laundry.

Have a good evening and enjoy whatever it is you're going to do with it.

Ciao...

5 comments:

Grit said...

isn't blogging a great way to drop in on so many different people and find out the thousand ways in which the world ticks on? we have all such different lives, yet i am often humbled by how much we are the same.

John said...

cool here give me more summer sun.dresses

I am off next week....doing time sheets at home today...rainyt day.

Maureen said...

I so agree with you about unannounced visitors; I hate that! There are days when I prefer to have the house to myself; well, I am never alone either, with three cats and a dog... but at least I don't have to clean for them.

Everyone is noticing the cooler weather; I'll bet Fall arrives early this year.

Friend of the Bear said...

Hello Irene. Just wanted to say I relate completely to everything you said in this post - except the falling asleep during the day - I wish I could do that. Sounds like you had a very relaxed day today!

Not working does make life more lonely. You don't have all those people around you all day. I find this a real problem myself.

I love the word discombobulated!

Best wishes,
Bearfriend xx

Gail said...

I so agree, Irene. I have too many doors here that people can come in.

Glad you had a wonderful day with no guilt. I have to work on my guilt...getting rid of it.