Sunday, August 09, 2009

Here are the trees and here is the forest.

I didn't know this morning if I was going to be able to calm myself down without having to take an anti psychotic tablet and, although I really did not want to take one, I was willing to do it if I knew that it would settle me down sufficiently. Fortunately, I waited and was able to mentally put the brakes on and bring myself to a screeching halt. So much so, that I actually could lie down on the sofa and take a nap for two hours. I have only one time before brought myself to a screeching halt when I threatened to become hypo manic and I didn't know if I could do it again, but faced with a couple of days of madness, that would have to be kept under control with anti psychotics, I decided that I had to try and get a hold of myself and snap out of it pretty quickly, and pretty quickly I did.

I slept deeply and when I woke up I felt completely normal and very calm, I would say somewhat subdued even, as if I had taken a tranquilizer, and I took some time to come to my senses. The reality of what had happened sank in and I saw that I had been working on that hypo mania since yesterday, but that now it was completely gone.

Knowing that I can do this, that I can mentally put the brakes on, makes me feel much more secure and I hope that I can always do it in the future, if I recognize my mood on time and if it bothers me enough to do it. That's the whole thing, of course. If I'm having a jolly good time, I'm not as likely to put the brakes on. I may get myself into slight trouble before I realize what is happening. As it is, it took me 24 hours to figure this one out.

Well, I just thought I would let you know how it turned out. I have to write a follow up email to my SPN now.



Gail said...

You are noticeing this much quicker than you were so that is progress.

I had "wave of despair" washing over me yesterday and did not know what it was so just had a pity party and did nothing.

Frances said...

YAY - Irene. Great news! Head them off at the pass. So pleased you caught this one even earlier.
I really do think this will be the answer in the long run. Just seeing it coming before it goes too far. Even if you have to med or get help to deal with it, at least you will feel in control. Damn well done, you. I hope you will have more and more of these moments of recognition in the early stages.
big hugs.

WillSpirit said...

Good for you! I consider each time my mental and spiritual skills help me avoid a drug a big victory. It's nice that we can modulate our moods on our own, and don't need the drugs to stay even-keeled. I've also realized that I can loosen the leash on my emotions a bit, and so broaden my range of experience, without it ending as a full-blown crisis. I am glad you are feeling well, and did not have to suffer the muddy thinking and dulled feelings that antipsychotics induce. Best wishes for continued success!

Maggie May said...

That was good thinking, Irene.
hope you get some respite now.

Maureen said...

You amaze me; how tuned in you can be to your moods... I am so glad to hear you handled this so well.

I hope the rest of your day and evening were much better.

My Sunday is just starting... waiting for daughter to rise for a Sunday brunch before she's off to Starbucks for another day of work.

San said...

Beautifully done, Irene. What a reassuring knowledge you have now!

Babaloo said...

Oh, well done on stepping on the brakes in time! It must be such a relief for you to know that you can do this when you recognise what's going on.