Friday, August 21, 2009

Two dafa ago I look itno the Swiis Ckine Dingitntas,wher terminology il pauients coulf go for an assisted suiciecd. I seem to have heard that this was also being available for termali psychiatric paitents but Ii an wrong Asto thay, The law deos not alow i yet. I had in my mine writen quite a leter evpaininh why I shousl be considered fot scush a progrem which now does not ecixt and it is a great nrntn alogany.

IIt was such a graet fet doeming that i considersd dracstib meaduers, such as cuttung mywrusts, but dd'nt because of the messs if1woudl mrke. and the trama of fiending me like that,

II finiially ended up takinj 340 Tarnafuilzinersars and went laid dwom on bed. I was alseep in No time andon'trmrnrt dithindhunyileirk uo thrnct dat at aniy 9 0ćocl im yj rimrimh.My mobey was so week thet I xcoucm et out of bed oanf otokk mu houd. Then I balled teh ECafcriand ikd jjm zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzi neded helps fmjr esd hrtr in noyimr.

He atraihjtend out he houde amd did sine grvety dhping smfmskrf utr zi as okaay. An d than pronisde to vomrbsck tofsu. I am ahvinh at eruble ime timpinh the si ad I ake the msoy stuoped sitakes in mygemetand ome uo wij word thet din;r eccust.

I wiil vaal ,u jead thetapizt dat ad y ZPN tnoote

I;, not quiet inmu right min yet and can't hink vklearhy and nake any sirt of sense, except tahT istible around the sartment. I wil wtite more cohesiley whenI am soberminded,



Frances said...

So sorry to hear this - but glad to hear you called the Exfactor and hope he will be able to get help for you. I hope the huge dose of drugs hasn't impaired your mind and that you will be restored to us fully on recovery from this.
I am not going to tell you off, but I am feeling upset with you that you didn't get proper help when you knew you were feeling suicidal. You covered that up so that people thought you were feeling desperate about your life and looking for a possible future exit, not looking to end it now. Your health team have trusted you with the meds up till now and I feel sad that they will probably not be able to give you the same leeway in future, leaving you less freedome and independence. I do hope this won't have damaged you too much and that it won't mean you get sectioned.
love you and so sorry you are so low at the moment - it is hard to bear, I know and hope it will pass and you will come through this okay.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I echo Frances. We love you, Irene, you're a wonderful person. Please do take care of yourself and stay positive about the future.

CJ xx

VioletSky said...

Oh Irene, I am so sorry that you felt the need, or desire, for such drastic actions.

You should know that we have been concerned about you (and emails have been exchanged asking anxiously after you).

I, too, am worried about the consequences of this action - your health, mind and future treatment.

But, am relieved to at least hear from you.

softinthehead said...

Oh Irene, I hope Exfactor was able to help or get you the help you needed. It was very upsetting to read your post today, remember we are all here for you, in spirit even though we cant be there in person. xxx

Gail said...

Oh, Irene, I have been wondering where you were and was so glad you hear from you. You have many people that think you are a valued friend and were worried sick.

I hope there are no ill effects from your actions. The blahs are going around but we cannot and will not do without you!

You have shit in your own nest, Irene, and it will be up to you to clean it up. Call someone, anyone!

Don't you know how many friends you have that care and think you are one of the most valuable people we know???

WE love you, Irence, and I wait on pins and needles to make sure you are really back!!!

Gail said...

PS: I guess you noticed I can't spell in the previous post, another sign of how worried I am about you!

FlowerLady said...

Dear Irene ~ I am a newbie to your blog, and my heart and prayers went out for you when you mentioned suicide in a round about way the other day. Then I came in here again this morning and was so sorry to read your post.

It sounds like you have a lot of caring, loving friends here who are concerned for your health and well-being.

May you feel healing love surrounding you at this time.


Suessigkeit said...

Hello All....this is Irene's daughter, Dana. Just want to let you know that I just spoke with Irene and that's she's doing okay. Thanks for all the love and support you give her...I know she appreciates it and I do too.

Frances said...

Thanks for letting us know, Dana, we have all been worrying. All the best

John said...

Irene....all my best from nyc...take care - it will pass - you are a great best, again. and again.

pinklea said...

I was so worried when there was no post yesterday - and now to read this - I hate the fact that my worry was justified! Irene, I am so so sorry that you felt bad enough to do this. Please come back to us! We all care very much about you and wish you a full and complete recovery! I send you many virtual hugs!

(And thank you, Dana, for letting us know that your mom is all right.)

Catherine said...

I hadn't been following your posts for the past week so was unaware of the downturn in your mood Irene - I am really sorry you felt so low as to self-harm, and I really am glad you seem to have climbed out of the abyss in later posts. This mood really shook me as I love your acid wit and your fluency in describing your day and make the mundane seem funny and worthwhile. I am reminded of Alain Botton in the Art of Travel where he writes about i dunno for sure, Proust or Rousseau, travelling in their room and never leaving the boundaries and yet captivating their readers. So hang in there, never mind Dignitas or other assisted suicide outfits and try to learn to value your contribution to living.
Thinking of you,

Jo Beaufoix said...

Irene I'm struggling to leave a comment as our interaction connection is bad here, but please let people take care of you and we love you loads. Hugs. xx