Sunday, November 09, 2008

Leave well enough alone.

I just couldn't resist it, I had to go and change it to see if I would get the same reaction that I got yesterday. It is too tempting to me, it scares me and draws me in at the same time. I can't leave well enough alone. I have to mess with it.

Maybe I'll change the image. Maybe I'll change the words. Maybe I'll go crazy. I just wish you weren't all witness to this, because now every time you come here, there will be something else. I can't stop myself from wanting to do something else with it. I am sitting on the fence between being predictable and being daring and I want to see how daring I can be.

Frankly, it's become an obsession and I will have to shut the computer off again in a little while. I am fixating on change and as long as I am enjoying it, there is no problem, but there is a fine line. I'll know when I cross it, I will feel it.

I think I'm not quite right in my head. There seems to be a loose connection that's firing dangerously, like a live wire. Big sparks are coming off it creating power surges in the wrong places. Fireworks going off in my head. I'll have to calm them down somehow. Being mentally ill is an unpredictable, scary business when you move away from familiar territory.

Right, I just wanted you to know that I am doing this now. I have a whole list of possible names and lots of images and more to be found. I am like a mad woman.



laurie said...

take jesker for a walk.

you need to be away from the computer for a bit, i think.

hang in there. keep telling us stuff. we're all right beside you.

Bev said...

If it is any comfort to you, Irene, I am hell to live with right now and am getting quite detached.

I think the problem is spending too much time alone with your own thoughts - never a good thing, especially if you have something of a past.

I haven't had a job now for three years and being alone all day is not good for anyone.

I have always been happiest when I have been physically active and busy so I have started to jog and I am determined to get some sort of job, any job, next week. I have got to get out into the world talking to real people. I don't know whether you need to do the same:)

Frances said...

I agree with Bev. I too have the tendency to become a troglodyte and also to get so absorbed in things that I am probably obsessed to the extent of getting priorities out of balance. Maybe you are the same. Laurie is also telling you the same thing. Sometimes you need to break away from these ruts, especially when you are getting addicted to madness. Be careful. You know yourself best and you know you haven't got anyone there to fight your demons with or for you.
see ya my dear.

John said...

These computers are only a part of life - you are a brilliant creative kind open person ---- take care of yourself, my darling (no mispelled condencension intended) .....john on long.island