Saturday, November 29, 2008


After having slept on the sofa most of the evening, I went to bed and slept until 10:15 this morning. Can you believe it? When did it last happen that I slept that late? I don't remember it myself. I tell you, I really feel rested, though. I just hope I don't do this Monday morning when I have to go to creative therapy and why does the Überhund not wake me up anymore? We both must be getting old and tired. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as we get enough sleep.

Getting enough sleep sure changes your outlook on life, because last night I thought I was depressed and this morning I no longer think so and that is only due to getting enough sleep. Why do I never remember that? Maybe it is because I don't realize when I haven't had enough sleep. Nevertheless, you'd think that that would be the first thing I'd think of when I get down.

My mind sure tricks me. It makes me assume the worst is happening when the most simple solution is at hand. I haven't had enough sleep for quite awhile, so that explains the mood I've been in. What I think is depression, is actually pure exhaustion. I just don't recognize it as such.

Anyway, the Exfactor came over yesterday afternoon to do the groceries for me. He has been a great help to me and he does it cheerfully. I feel so much better, that I will be able to do the shopping myself now. The anti-inflammatory medication has helped a lot and I hardly feel any pain anymore. I can breathe deeply without it hurting too much. As a result, I have been able to take the Überhund for his normal walks, instead of the short ones, and we both enjoy those a lot better.

I get along fine with the Exfactor, but I do notice that I have very little conversation material. There is so much that I don't talk about with him, that there is very little left that I do discuss with him. I don't really want to make him part of my new life, so I don't talk about all the things that I do in my therapy groups, for instance. I don't tell him about the people I meet there and the funny things that happen. I certainly don't tell him about my personal thoughts or about my worries or my hopes for the future. He's not my best friend in that sense of the word.

Actually, now that I think of it, I don't think that I have such a person in my life, other than my SPN. I am too much of a guarded person in real life, contrary to the impression that you get from me here. I don't really get up close and personal with anybody. Well, I did with the Exfactor when I was still married to him, but that was it. I don't really have a best friend.

Never mind. My mother always said about me, 'still waters run deep' and she was right, I keep a lot of what I think inside of me. My son was the same way. You could see him think about everything that took place around him, but he would not comment until the right moment and then something incredibly sage and funny would come out.

Clearly, nobody could have predicted what a waterfall of 'speech' I could be when given a blog and the right to communicate freely without an editor.

Now, back to today. The Überhund is sound asleep at my feet. He piddled out back and I think I can sit here and finish my coffee before I have to get the day started for sure. I always like to postpone that moment as long as possible, because there is something so cozy about sitting here with my bathrobe on and my coffee and my cigarettes before I have done anything. Writing a post doesn't count as doing anything. That's pure self indulgence.

Nevertheless, I do have to get the show on the road. Some small amount of responsibility does remain intact and I know I can't sit here forever. We have to take our medicines and I have to get dressed and made up. I have wasted half the day now, although I must say that it has been a great way to waste it. I can think of no better way.

Hope you all have a great day. It's the weekend, hurray!



CC said...

I think you may be on to somthing when you say that "depression is actually pure exhaustion." I myslef belive there is much truth in that statement. I am glad you are feeling better and that you slept so well, it seems to be your best medicine. Have a wonderful weekend and please, never stop writing!

Bev said...

That's quite right 'Still waters run deep', and your blog is a testament to that :)

Frances said...

You are so right. Sleep is the best therapy. I find that when I am getting things out of proportion it is often because I'm overwrought and overtired. A good night's sleep seems to put so many troubles away.
Have a relaxing day all round and hope tomorrow will be good as well

Babaloo said...

Sleeping is definitely not a waste of time! How nice that you got so much of it. I find I'm no good at all if I haven't had enough sleep. Don't know how people can do it.

Maggie May said...

I am glad that the pain is going, Irene.

Sleep is the best antidote to depression. Unfortunately it evades the person that is inflicted, usually and then there is even worse to follow. (Speaking from experience, of course.) Finding a way to get enough sleep when depressed is the answer I should think!

It has been cold enough to freeze off your digits here today!
Hope you feel thoroughly rested & can get to sleep in the bed & not the sofa tonight! X

Breakfast in California said...

Sleep knits up the raveled sleeve of care...or something like that. Glad you got a good night's worth. How are your aches today? This laptop flies home tomorrow so I won't be back till we're home. Stay well!

Nora Bee said...

It is amazing what a good night's sleep can do. Good for you!

Anonymous said...

Oooh, I love my fluffy pink dressing gown, as you know. Great to sit around in it and be lovely and warm.

CJ xx