Sunday, December 21, 2008

Middle of the night.

You could also call it very early in the morning, whatever. The fact of the matter is that I wake up at 3 AM and that there is no stopping me from getting out of bed and getting the day started. I must admit, though, that I like these wee hours of the very early morning and that I spend some of my happiest moments then. I like the coziness and the solitude and the silence of the world around me. I can pretend that I'm the only person awake for miles around.

The best part of living alone, is that I don't upset another person with my schedule. I can be awake or asleep whenever I want. It used to bother the Exfactor something awful when he heard me type in the middle of the night, because he was a light sleeper and my nighttime activities always woke him up. Now I can do whatever I want and I am glad about it. This is one of the very things that would prevent me from starting another serious relationship. It would be the loss of freedom to do whatever I want at whatever time of day.

I don't miss having a man in my life. Sometimes I am a little bit lonely, but not necessarily for a partner. That loneliness can be filled by anything and anybody. They're just lonely moments and not moments that I long for a partner. It's just more of a longing for human contact and it's up to me to fix that problem, but most of the time I am perfectly okay on my own. I find a lot of comfort in my own company. The realization that I can be who I am without having to adapt myself to someone else is a blessing.

Well, I went out on my bike first thing yesterday morning to find some Christmas cards and I did at one store, but I think I got their last box and now it seems that I need to go out and buy another one. I need not despair, however, because there are several more stores where I can have a look.

I have decided that I like sending and receiving Christmas cards very much, so here is a gentle hint. If you want to receive a Christmas card from me, email me your snail mail address and I'll add you to my list. You can email me through my profile. Please feel free to do so, because sending cards is just about the most fun activity that I can think of for Christmas. I really enjoy it and it is almost as good as receiving them.

I have put up the twinkly branches and it looks very nice indeed. It gives me the festive feeling just a little bit. I need to cut off a branch from the Golden Rain and decorate it. I'll see if I can do that today with the aid of my stepladder.

I did finally sweep the patio, which was covered with rotten leaves and I layered all of those in the flowerbed. I figured those would make good compost. I cut back the winter blooming jasmine a bit, because it is such a rambling plant and wants to grow all over the place. I will have to do it again in the springtime.

I am not very interested in gardening in this period of my life, as opposed to a time in my life when I was crazy about it and it was my greatest hobby. It is not something I get excited about now. The patio is just a place where I hang my washing to dry when the weather is good and that is about it. The cats hang out there and the Überhund piddles there in the morning. I do like the Golden Rain when it blooms, it is a beautiful sight.

I bought the muesli with the apple and raisins, but I can only eat a small amount of it before I am full and I chew it very well. So, that means that I eat a little more often during the day, but in smaller amounts. I think in the end that's better anyway. I have also been drinking more fruit juice instead of coffee. I think I drink three tall glasses of that every day. It's most refreshing when you are thirsty and I am always very thirsty because of the medications that I take. They give me a very dry mouth. That's one of the drawbacks you learn to live with.

I have gotten used to wearing my glasses constantly. Now, when I take them off for some reason, my right eye does not like that at all and goes funny on me. It's like it can't focus. That must be because of the astigmatism., but that is all guess work.

I never did get around to vacuuming the furniture yesterday. I got sidetracked every time I planned to do so. I may do it today, even though it is Sunday and my official day off.

I had some ups and downs yesterday and the only way I knew of how to fix the downs was to go to sleep for a little while, because that always seems to get me out of the slump. If I nap for just a little while, I feel better when I wake up, as if my brain has reprogrammed itself and the negative energy has switched to positive. There is such a difference in my attitude between the two poles, you'd think I was a different person emotionally speaking.

I try never to blog when I am negative, because it is all doom and gloom when I do and the last thing I want is a post that is based on my negative depressed feelings. Sometimes I start one, but I always have enough sense to delete it. At least, I am speaking of the here and now and not of the past.

When I feel myself sliding down the slippery slope, I always try to remind myself of all the reasons I have to feel happy, but it doesn't always work. I concentrate very hard on all the positive things and try very hard to stay in the present moment, but regardless of that, sometimes the gloom wins for a while and that is just the way it is.

Well, those are all the words I have for you this morning. I must say that I am enjoying my mug of coffee very well and I am about to make a new one. One decaf coming up!



Maggie May said...

Sorry that you are still waking at 3 am. It is a bit of a nuisance, though as you say, only you are inconvenienced by it....... and the animals.
Glad you are finding Christmas cards still. They seem to be everywhere, where I live.

What are you going to do on Christmas Day? Has anyone asked you over?

Much milder here........
Have a good day, Irene. X

Frances said...

We are having a fairly warm shortest day of the year, it seems strange after the last couple of weeks, but the extended family are off to walk along the beach in a few minutes, to let the dog have a good run around and the boys to roll down the sand dunes.
Keep well and I hope next week will be a good one for you.

Anonymous said...

We have so much snow here, that the thought of riding a bike seems like a very distant memory! It just keeps snowing. I went out to get the paper and there must be over 2 feet on the ground.

I'm glad you enjoy Christmas cards. I use to love to send them, with the girl's pictures. Now, it just seems like one more chore! Would you like to do mine, lol?

My brother is coming today, from Tennessee, and I have so much cleaning and grocery shopping to do.

I understand the need to sleep, when the negative feelings come. I tend to do the same thing (if I'm not at work). It does bring relief most of the time.

What are you going to do on Christmas? I hope it is a wonderful day for you!

Anonymous said...

The early bird ....

I still use cards from last year which I bought and didn't use then. I haven't really bought that many this year. You've reminded me to put the ones we have received out on display. I sometimes put them up on the wall with blu tack.

CJ xx

The Artful Eye said...

I wake at all hours of the night and like you I enjoy the wee hours of the morning when all is quiet. For some reason I'm not affected by this lack of sleep during my normal work day, however when I get home from work, I do collapse early. This does not bode well for me because it leaves minimal time to be creative.

I'm glad you liked my beaded pendant.

Please email me your address.

I do hope you'll give creative therapy a go. When I'm afraid or intimidated by something I tell myself all of this worry won't matter by weeks end. Just do it, once you push through you'll realize there was nothing really to fear.

I like decorating for the holidays it makes me happy and I really enjoy listening to holiday music and baking. Trying a new recipe today Holiday Beet Pound Cake with Orange Glaze and walnuts. We'll see how it turns out. I've been baking zucchini breads all week and handing them out at work and in the neighborhood.

Glad to hear you're doing a bit of decorating.

I think of you often. I do like the pic of you in your glasses.

My best to you.

xox Andrea

Jo Beaufoix said...

If sleep is the answer to feeling low then I say go with it. It's a funny time of year and I think most of us have our ups and downs through it so it's good that you know how to handle yours.

The twigs sound very cute and I'm glad you're enjoying cards. Hugs.

Lori ann said...

It sounds to me like you have a very nice life and I love the image of you riding on to get your christmas cards, I ride my bike all over town too, even though now its cold!
xx lori