Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I am slowly waking up. It seems to be a long process this morning and I definitely need another mug of coffee shortly. At least I am sleeping through the night, even when I fall asleep on the sofa in the evening and make my way to bed in a half slumber sometime around midnight. Some common sense seems to be prevailing, because I woke up at 3 AM and had enough sense not to get up, but stay in bed and sleep some more. I do like it when I outwit myself and not give in to my primal urges.

The Überhund has now eaten half of the food that was in his bowl and is again begging for treats and I am again ignoring him. He is quite put out about this and lays down at my feet waiting for the next opportunity to attack me with another begging round, but I will not give in. I will give him some fresh food in a while, but that is it. He understands perfectly well what I want from him and he will just have to cooperate. I wish we had never started this reward system and with my next dog I am not even going to have treats in the house. Sometimes I think I have the word 'sucker' written all over my forehead. That cocker spaniel is too smart for his own good.

Today I am actually seeing my SPN and my appointment is for two in the afternoon. It will be a nice break in an otherwise uneventful week. I am waiting to hear about the news about the new psychiatrist that will be taking over my case and if I am not mistaken, I should hear something about that today. I am very curious about who this person is going to be, as there are two possibilities, but I have heard good things about both people, although my preference goes to one of them. That is only grounded on something someone has personally told me. My SPN will still be my main therapist, so in the long run, it makes hardly any difference, although the feedback that she gets may be quite different than what she gets now, seeing as though these psychiatrists specialize in personality disorders.

Time for another mug of coffee.

Yesterday, I turned my keyboard upside down and shook it and all sorts of junk fell out of it. I kept shaking it until it was empty, or nearly so. I was attempting to fix my question mark key, but it didn't work and now one of the shift keys has stopped working, so I have to use the one on the right, which is a hassle. So, that may not have been the best attempt at fixing that and I have asked the Exfactor to bring me another keyboard from his work where they have spare ones laying around.


I walked the Überhund and went to sleep on the sofa, because I felt not at all awake and cheerful. So I slept for nearly 3 hours and now I am somewhat awake, but not yet cheerful. I must drink my coffee and see if that will help. Actually, all I want to do is lay on the sofa and sleep. I don't have the energy to do anything else and I have just canceled my appointment with my SPN. The thought of getting dressed properly and riding my bike over there is just too much to think about. I think I am having a rapid cycle and I am on a downward slope.

I thought writing would help, but it isn't, so I will stop now. I will write later today when things are better.



Frances said...

sorry you cancelled your SPN appointment. Is it not possible to speak to her on the phone when you really can't face going out, like today?

Maggie May said...

it is a great pity that you cancelled the SPN. Don't forget that you could just as easily feel well again pretty soon.
I agree with Frances..... try phoning.

CC said...

Irene, you need to remember all the good feeling you have had in the last couple days, I know this is a horrible cycle and you cannot help this on your own so please call your SPN. We all care so much for you.

Sending a BIG hug and smiles your way!

Maureen said...

I hope the SPN can see you again soon. Or at the very least speak with you... isn't it ironic that at the very time you probably need her assistance the most, is the time you don't want to venture out. Does she make housecalls?

Take care, hope to hear again from you soon.

Babaloo said...

Pity about the appointment. I agree with the others, there has to be a solution. A phone call with your SPN shouldn't be impossible, after all she has the time scheduled for you. Hope you feel more perky soon.

Oh, and keep up the good work with that spaniel of yours! Clever as he may be, you're the boss in the house!

(I hate to say this, but have you ever tried giving up the caffeine? It took me about a week last year and then I felt better than ever. I had no more mid morning or afternoon slumps.)

among found objects said...

Just wanted to put in my word that I too care about you and am hoping for for a happy you soon. Only from your blog I can tell you are a real special, wonderful person. Kisses from Spain.

among found objects said...
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