Saturday, December 20, 2008

One of those nights again.

I woke up at 3 AM, wide awake and not one bit of sleep left in my body. I stayed in bed until 3:30 to make sure I was really awake, because there were two cats sound asleep on top of me, but I didn't fall back asleep and decided to get up, much as I hated to disturb the snoozing cats.

While I was putting on my bathrobe, the Überhund woke up and decided he wanted to go out for a piddle, so I let him out back and gave him a treat when he came back in for being a good boy. He is now sound asleep on his blanket under the coffee table and I think I will not see him awake again for some time. He does like his nighttime rest.

It is very cozy here all by myself with the animals asleep. I feel like these moments could go on forever. I treasure them very much. It is because I fall asleep on the sofa after dinner that I wake up in the middle of the night. I try to fight that by finding an interesting program on TV to watch, but so very often there is nothing on that really grabs my attention.

Yesterday was a very decent day. My mood didn't tumble all over itself and I was pretty steady. Rather than vacuum, I swept the whole apartment and had little piles of dog hair and grit all over the place. That did make the job very satisfying, but I still have to get out the vacuum cleaner to do the furniture. Sweeping however is so much better than dragging the noisy vacuum cleaner around, I do dislike that intensely. It is the noise that bothers me so. There are periods in my life when I just can't cope with that.

I even had a period in my life some years ago when I couldn't cope with any kind of noise and I wanted the TV and the radio off and for there to be complete silence in the apartment. I realize now that this must have been hard for the Exfactor, who could only read or do other very silent things, but I didn't stop and think about it then. I guess I was like a tightly wound string that would break if there was too much input.

Anyway, I'm happy to report that I made it to the grocery store where I bought 12 liters of milk and delicious muesli with apple and raisins. The milk came in big cartons, that's why I was able to buy so much of it. The muesli is good for me to eat as opposed to the porridge, because it fills me up quicker, so I eat less of it and eating less is always better when you are like me and you enjoy your food too much. The porridge slides by my gastric band too easily and makes it too easy for me to eat too much of it, so I didn't buy any of that.

The Überhund is always full of curiosity when I come home from the store and pushes his nose into the bag to see if I got anything for him. I very rarely disappoint him, because there usually is a snack for him and he knows it. The cats are equally curious and at least one of them climbs into the bag while I am emptying it, getting caught in the strap and not being able to figure out why they can't get out.

I was unable to buy more Christmas cards as they were all sold out, so today I must hunt for them. I am trying to think of the most obvious stores close by that sell Christmas cards so I won't have to go all the way downtown. Of course, there is nothing wrong with going downtown, but I only see the sense in that if I also get to shop for myself and since I am on a self imposed non shopping policy, I won't tempt myself by going there. I have taken a good look in my closet and I can't find a good enough reason to buy any more clothes. Can you believe I said that?

The Exfactor came by in the early afternoon. It is now a standard procedure that he comes by at least once a week and has a cup of coffee with me. I look forward to his visits and we chat about the little things that happen in our lives and then he leaves again. It's like he is a good acquaintance. I have no specific feelings for him at this time. I don't feel strongly one way or the other, but that may be because I choose not to. Given enough time, whatever I once felt, will fade out and merely become a memory and something to look back on.

I do notice that he very much lives in his own world and is preoccupied with the things that concern him and those are what dominate the conversation. I don't actually know how much of what I tell him penetrates his thick skull. As a result, I don't tell him very much. I mostly listen. I do think he comes to check and see if I'm not completely off my rocker, but that is as far as his interest goes. I don't think he is all that involved.

My sister and I took the dogs for a long walk and I get the feeling that my function in this life is to be a sounding board for people who have a lot going on in their lives. It has always been that way, because I have the tendency to be the quiet listening type who seems non judgmental and apparently that makes people feel comfortable. My sister always has a lot to unload and I am always amazed at her ability to keep her life on track. So, I listen and make the odd comment here and there. I try to not become involved emotionally, because I could really let things get to me and I don't want that. So, when we are done with our walk, I put everything out of my mind. My sister is getting enough help. She doesn't need me as her therapist.

Oh, I just realized that today is Saturday. Where am I with my mind? Well, hurray! The weekends keep being special and I always feel like I am having mini vacations. Imagine how I would feel if I had a job. I suppose that I subconsciously feel enough stress during the week that I feel an unloading of it during the weekends. Well we all know that my stress threshold is very low. I may look like a very brave woman on the outside, but I am an easily scared human being on the inside.

I was not going to decorate at all for Christmas, but I have some branches with little twinkle lights on them and I think I will stick those in a vase and put them somewhere in the living room. I can make it festive a little bit. I have gotten eleven cards so far and the mail brings new ones every day. I am happy with every one of them and next year I will send out even more.

So, my mission for today is to find Christmas cards and to vacuum the furniture. That doesn't seem too complicated. It's good to have these things clear in your head, lest you start running around like a chicken without one.

Well, my dear people. I wish all of you a very good Saturday and lots of very good weather. It's going to be drizzly here and not very cold, as opposed to, I'm freezing my buns off.



Maggie May said...

It is milder here, though you wouldn't be able to sit outside in a bikini!

I like your idea about the branch incorporating the Christmas decorations.It will look lovely, I should think.
Very soon Christmas cards will be slashed in price and you will be able to get all next years. Of course there are shops all round me!

I am now on school holiday, but it is Saturday, like you said! So it feels just like any other weekend at the moment!

Must get some brekkie now and peep round the curtain to see what the weather is doing!
Hope you have a really good Saturday, Irene. X

Stinking Billy said...

irene, I wouldn't mind betting that most exfactors have 'thick skulls'. Compared to new loves, they have heard most of it before and have a fair idea of what is coming next, wouldn't you say? ;-)

Casdok said...

Hope you find some christmas cards.
Im a good listener too, i wonder if its a virgo thing?!

Anonymous said...

It is very cold here, we have over 10 inches of snow outside. The puppy got stuck in the snow this am. She was swimming in place! I had to go rescue her! My 80 pound dog wouldn't even go in the yard, stayed right on the road...the big chicken!
I hope you find your Christmas cards, without having to go too far.

I understand about the noise! Sometimes I can't handle it at all, Hannah is the same way.

I tend to be a good listener! My friends and family often joke about how even strangers in stores will tell me their life story! I think being a good listener is so important.

I saw a quote, I can't remember where, but it reminds me of me and I know you can relate, something about how much energy it takes to present as normal. Some days are like that for me, so much energy needed!

Have a good day.

Mad Asthmatic said...

I love that quiet period in the middle of night when the rest of the world is sleeping.
Good luck with finding some christmas cards, have you thought of making your own next year?


Mean Mom said...

I sometimes make the mistake of falling to sleep on the sofa, too. It's irritating, isn't it?

I couldn't sleep last night, because I've caught some sort of virus infection and I did nothing but cough.

I'm glad that you still see the ex factor and are able to chat with him as a friend.

Your pets are quite a comfort, aren't they? One of my cats likes to sleep on the bed and I often wake in some very painful positions!

Lane said...

It must help your sister to 'offload' onto you. I hope it's reciprocated though.

Got to say Irene, your glasses look great. Just the right colour and shape.

Frances said...

I commented and then lost the comment.
now I can't remember what marvellous pearls of wisdom I had. LOLZ
enjoy the rest of the weekend

Breakfast in California said...

It was 46F here this morning. I'm glad you did a bit of decorating!

Jo Beaufoix said...

It's cold here, but I still don't think we will get snow. Sighhhhh.

I love the image of you all warm inside with snoozy animals, and that muesli sounds yum.

We're all full of colds and flu here but in a way I've had a lovely day as I've managed to get to almost all my blogs, so even though I'm feeling rough I feel like I've been productive. Hugs to you lovely, and that twinkling tree sounds gorgeous.

Connie Rose said...

I'm glad you're in a good head place today, and that you're cheerfully anticipating the holiday. It's good to feel good, and don't I know that!
Hugs to you, dear Irene.
p.s. I like the photo!

Wisewebwoman said...

It crossed my mind Irene that maybe you should do something more engaging rather than passive TV watching that puts you to sleep?
Paint? collage? I dunno. just a thought...