Regardless...

In spite of my intention not to be awake during the night, I find myself up and about in the early hours of the morning anyway. I had a good enough sleep, but it just wasn't a very long one. Never mind, I'm sure I will catch up again at some point. It isn't important now. What is important is that it is now officially my birthday and I have that birthday feeling too of slight excitement and anticipation at what the day will bring. I feel like a young kid and like I'm turning 12, although I don't remember my 12th birthday, so no doubt it wasn't such a big deal. I do know that I was in my first year in secondary school and that it was tough and I had to get used to it very much, but no doubt I was too young to be in it.

I'm sitting here now with my second cup of coffee, in my bathrobe, and very optimistically waiting for the real morning to start. It hasn't started raining yet like it said it would and with a little bit of luck it won't rain at all this morning, which would be fortuitous if I'm to go downtown this morning. It's supposed to rain in the southwest first and then slowly come over here. It depends of your interpretation of slowly. I don't mind getting wet on the way home, I can get dried off once I get there. It's when I go there that I don't want to get wet. There's nothing more miserable than walking around downtown soaking wet.

I can't wait to pick out my present, especially since I possibly know what it is going to be and hoping I can find it. I will walk straight into the store to the right department and pick out the right size and color. Then we're going to have coffee and then my sister has to go to work.

I've turned 56 today, but except for the traces my age has left on my body, the number is meaningless. I feel as young as I did when I was in my 30's and in many ways I have not aged, though I must add that I have grown wiser and would not want to lose that wisdom that has been hard to come by. It's ironic that I should grow sage when I'm in my 50's while other people have managed that much earlier, but maybe they have not gone through the School of Hard Knocks. Or maybe they were not as backward and naive as I was. I seem to make discoveries about myself and life that I should have made much sooner and I'm glad I'm making them now, but I should have known these thing much earlier in life. I could have saved myself much trouble.

Nevertheless, I know them now and I hope I get to apply them for another 30 years or so. Long enough to make it worthwhile anyway. I do hope to do some good with it. Even if it's just for the sake of myself. I do hope to live to a healthy ripe old age and gain some good experiences out of life. One thing I think I'm saved of, and that is that I will grow old as a bitter woman. There was some danger of that at one point, but I'm not worried about that anymore. I'm not bitter at this point and see no reason to be so in the future. I hope that stays that way. It's best if I keep living my life my own way, according to my own rules.

So much philosophizing so early in the morning. I told you that's when I'm at my best. Any endeavor I start, I should start at this time of the day. That's when it should be most successful. I can imagine that if I had the space and the materials, I would create the best works of art now. But that's just speculation. The proof would be in the pudding and there is no pudding until I get the opportunity.

I haven't heard anything about the creative and music classes yet, but I was not expecting to. There are the waiting lists and I haven't been on them very long. I will call in a month and make sure they haven't forgotten about me. I'm sure the system works and I have nothing to worry about. One of these days there will be a letter in the mail.

It's amazingly cold for how warm it is supposed to be in here and I wonder if the thermostat is telling me the right temperature or if it is an optimistically tuned one. Maybe it is hanging in a warm pocket of air. Maybe I have to calculate in the draft chill factor. I have socks on and haven't been without for three days. I even wear them in bed, because it's chilly under the duvet at night. I lie there and wait for my space to get warmed up and avoid the cold places. It would be worse with cold feet, but I have notoriously cold feet. That's okay, I'd rather not be warmed up like an oven in bed, which is the problem when you sleep with someone else. That's only good in really cold winters when the ice is on the windows and that never happens, knock on wood.

I'm amazingly free of anxiety. I'm full of good cheer and I'm looking forward to the day. When I was cleaning out the dresser drawers, I found stuff to decorate the room with for a birthday and I just may do that today. I can at least blow up the balloons and Tyke can play with them afterwards. No doubt he'll pop every one of them, but that will be part of the fun. I'm going to look at those items now.

Have a splendid day. I wish you could all come over to help me celebrate.

Ciao,
Nora

Tuesday afternoon...

I stayed up all night fooling around with Paintshop Pro, making Kaleidoscopes and Kaleidoscope Flips, one of which can be seen on my art blog here. I had a lot of fun doing that instead of sleeping, but it did mean that some time in the early morning, I had to go to bed. I took all my medicines and had breakfast and didn't wake up until one pm, when the doorbell rang. It was the Exfactor, who was very surprised to see me in my pajamas.

He said, "I suppose that means you haven't been to the store yet, have you?" I said that I hadn't, but he offered to go for me instead, which offer I didn't turn down, of course. First he walked Jesker and when he came back, he helped me and my sleepy head make a shopping list, which I would have been quite capable of making myself, but he was trying to be helpful. I put a lot of stuff on that shopping list, because I figured I would take advantage of his strong arms and legs, that can handle a bigger load on the bike than I can.

Off he went and by the time I had made a new pack of cigarettes and drank a cup of coffee, he was back again and we could unload the groceries, accompanied by a lot of noise from Jesker, who always thinks he needs to have something to say about the proceedings.

Luckily, there was fresh fruit juice to quench my thirst with and I had a tall glass of that. That tastes so good when you are thirsty and I'm having another one right now.

Last night I worked on that painting I had the brilliant idea for and it turned out well enough so that I know it will work on canvas. I was lazy and did not mix the proper colors, so it didn't turn out as nicely as it could have, but for a prototype it is okay and I'm pleased enough with it. I worked until I got tired and hungry and had something to eat and watched TV on the sofa, where I promptly feel asleep and slept until about midnight.

Then I made the mistake of turning on the computer and answering my emails and one thing led to another and before I knew it I was being creative and I couldn't stop. Yeah, well, that was my excuse. Of course, I could have just gone to bed, but I was having too much of a good time. I can't do that again tonight, because I have creative therapy tomorrow morning and I must not miss that.

Now the day has sped by and the afternoon is almost over. I still have sleep in me and I think I will read for a while on the sofa and let myself nod of again. First I must eat something. I'm still in my pajamas and bathrobe and it's very comfortable. I may never get dressed again.

Have a good day!

Ciao,
Nora

For the hell of it...

I am sitting here in my leggings and my tank top, the clothes that I slept in, and I have opened the back door, so Jesker can go out as it pleases him. He has been out there twice, but I don't know what he's done there. He is sleeping under the desk now and I don't know if he is expecting a walk. Sooner or later, I will have to get dressed, but I hope it is later, because I feel so lazy and not at all in the mood to do the responsible things I ought to be doing. That's because it is Saturday and it feels like a day off, almost as if it is Sunday.

I woke up this morning this morning with a terrible pain in my arm and my hand and had to move them in a certain position to get rid of it. I think I pinch some nerves during the night, as I very often sleep on my right side.It's no fun, anyway, and I do not look forward to those first movements. I very painfully move my arm and hand downward and straight and then all the feeling comes rushing back in and that hurts. During the day I have pain in my elbow and two fingers are a little numb. I'm just dragging this out for all the sympathy I can get, you see. It's no good suffering without an audience.

As usual, I'm completely unorganized today and am doing things at the wrong time of the day. I woke up at 11:30 am after going to bed early in the morning and then I didn't take my medicines until 1 pm, when I normally take my second dose. So I am behind myself. Now I'm sitting here writing this when I should be sweeping the floors, but I tell myself I like disorder, that I thrive on it and that it's the sign of a creative mind. God, I love the way I convinced myself of that just now.

I will always reign over a certain amount of chaos. It is in my nature to have it around me, because I don't care enough to clean it up when I should. I am not the creator of it, but I am also not the person who can be held responsible for setting it right. Except when my housewife hormones kick in and I suddenly think the vacuum cleaner is my very best appliance and I need to make love to it.

My plants are thriving, so that is a good sign and I've stopped drowning the ones with the cute little leaves, of which I don't remember the names. They are not losing their leaves anymore and have come back abundantly. I don't dare touch them, in case I do something wrong, but just water them sparingly once a week and that seems to do the trick. The fig plant is turning all of its leaves toward the sunlight that comes in through the window in the afternoon. It gulps water and can't get enough of it. I don't know what to think about the little hardy fern. It seems petrified, as if it is just sitting there doing nothing but looking somewhat green, but not producing any new leaves.I just let it sit there, unsure of what it needs. Sometimes it is all a mystery to me. It's a hit and run situation.

I've managed to make my tobacco last much longer than two weeks. Those are over now and I still have a whole pack left over that I haven't even started on yet, so I'm actually cheaper than I thought I was, which is a relief, because I thought I smoked a lot. I don't know how happy the tobacconist is going to be with that, after all he has to live on my bad habit, but I'll also buy some trash bags when I'm in there next and that ought to make him happy, and some stamps. I must not forget them.

I have not yet found a way to reduce my photos in size. I'll have to ask the Exfactor how he does it. I did open up the photo alteration program, but saw no way to reduce the photos in size. It has a program that is similar to Photoshop built in, so that is very handy. I have to figure out all the ins and outs of that one still.

It's very funny when you install a new browser on your computer. You become a little bit obsessed with all of its possibilities, but when you can't get something to work, no matter how insignificant, it will bother you to no end, and you will think about the solution forever. I can't get it to accept my wallpaper when it just should and I don't know why, so I have to solve that mystery.

Well, I suppose I'll put on some clothes and comb my hair. Maybe Jesker will want to go for a walk. It's a nice day out, not too hot, but pleasant.

I must sweep floors, if it's the last thing I do. These were my last famous words.

Ciao...

P.S. I just got it to accept my wallpaper. Yippee!

One of those nights!

I completely fell asleep on the sofa while watching the 8 pm news and didn't wake up until midnight. I felt very good when I woke up, and full of energy, and the computer was in its sleeping mode, so I woke it up and checked my emails. Well, you know, one thing leads to another and then you have to make yourself a cup of decaf and answer all your emails and that takes a little time, so before you know it, it is very late and you're still not in bed. At that point, I figured I may as well stay up a little longer and really break the night. Besides, tomorrow is Saturday morning and I don't have to go anywhere, I really officially don't have to go anywhere and I don't even have to go grocery shopping.

Actually, playing with Ubuntu has taken up a lot of my time, because I'm figuring out how everything works. I have to do it on my own and I don't have an instruction booklet, which would be mighty handy, so I just work my way through things and figure them out as I go along. Sometimes I'm stumped and sometimes it works. Sometimes the help section really helps and sometimes it doesn't. Slowly but surely I'm getting things to work, though, like the music systems, which would not play at first, but there is much more I have to work out. I'll be busy with it for a while yet.

So, I did not go to therapy today and that means that I've been home all week this week and I've had a whole week off. I'm not going to claim that it was like a vacation, because it was not enough fun for that, but at least I had a break. I become a basket case thinking about it, so I'll just say that on Monday I'll go to creative therapy and hope to talk to the head therapist then.

Well, that's quite enough of that.

Actually, I can't wait to get an extra table and chair to place in my bedroom by the window so I can start creating art there. That's what I'm really looking forward to. I'm so excited about doing that and I can't wait to go out and get the supplies. There is a store close to here called "Action" that sometimes sells art supplies at really low prices so I must go and have a look there at what they've got. I also have to remind my sister not to throw out any of the magazines she reads for the images and the texts.

A good blog friend is sending me a box of art supplies from the Sates and I can't wait for it to get here. That will be the start of it, along with some of the things I still have myself, which are scant.


The weather was beautiful today. The sun was shining all day long, but it wasn't too hot. The bike ride into town was really nice, especially when you consider that I have a good working bike now and the Exfactor had pumped up my rear tire so I really moved along well.

Some people were sitting at our table, but it looked like they were just about done and just as they were getting ready to leave, I grabbed a chair to prevent anyone else from claiming it. You have to be just a bit rude to get what you want and I wanted that table, because all the tables under the sun cover and on the square were taken. It's tourist season, so things are always busy.

Von and I had a heated discussion about love and men. Is there another subject more worthy of discussion? We both thought that falling in love was a horrible thing, but loving someone was good. Falling in love is like temporary insanity and makes you behave strangely and do odd things. Things you wouldn't do under normal circumstances. Loving someone is a totally different ballgame. For one thing, you can think clearly and you don't make a big mess and you aren't blindsided by your overheated emotions.

I ordered a piece of apple pie with whipped cream with my second cup of cappuccino, figuring I had deserved it after a week of despair, but I couldn't finish it nor could I finish my cappuccino.

So, we went shopping instead, first for Von and then for me in my cheap store. We found a see through blousy top that I can wear over a sexy tank top and that Von said I should wear in my boudoir. It was only 7 Euros. I bought another set of matching bracelets to go with it, this time in reds and pinks. I just have to stop spending money on myself!

On my way home I didn't run over any pedestrians, although several made suicidal attempts by stepping of the sidewalk into the street and instead of using my bell, I still yell at them. People are so oblivious! On the way into town, people were walking in the middle of the street and I yelled at them to use the sidewalk, because it is hard enough to ride your bike over the very rough cobblestones. Yes, they get upset with me and no, I don't care. I just don't want to end up face down on the street.

I stopped by the pharmacy to get a supply of drugs, which they gladly gave me and when I rode away on my bike, my necklace broke and it is one of my favorite ones, but luckily, I noticed it and caught it in my hand before it fell in the street.

Jesker was so happy to see me. He had been laying behind the front door again. I always make a big deal out of greeting him as if we've not seen each other for ages. He's so cute.

When I was fixing my necklace, I managed to spill a whole glass of fruit juice all over the table and all over my cigarettes. Guess what I said then? You're right! I sopped it up with a towel and laid my cigarettes out to dry, which did not even taste that funny when they were. I did fix my necklace. It had broken because of the strap of my purse. It had gotten caught underneath it when I turned my head to see if there was any traffic coming. That's what happens when you wear your purse across your chest against purse snatchers.

I put on my boudoir top and walked Jesker and I wasn't propositioned once, which I think is probably for the best. You don't want to pick up men off the street.

Well, that just about was my day. I am going to try to add some photos to this post, but I have to resize them first and I don't know yet if I can do that, so we'll see.

Ciao...